so DSD's Mum is off on her holiday but

(158 Posts)

She wants her on Mothers day which is also DHs 40th birthday. Her mum is going on a 2 week trip to the Caribbean the following day with her boyfriend so wont see dsd for 3 weeks. She has now asked to have dsd on mothers day as 'she'll miss her so much'. I am fuming, I have planned a lovely family day which celebrates both dhs big birthday and mothers day with in laws.

Dsd said she isnt really interested in spending time with her mum as she has been feeling pushed out by the new bf. I know I might be ranty and unreasonable but if she's going to miss her so much then why not go in the holidays and take her too?

Rant over, thanks for reading.

allnewtaketwo Sun 24-Feb-13 16:53:58

I do t think it sounds unreasonable for her to want to see her child on mothers day. It sounds a bit like you feel she doesn't deserve it because of her holiday. Whatever you think about that, it's not for you to punish her moral judgement

I think it's unfair on DH and I that we will have to give up our time with DSD on a special day because her mother has chosen to go on holiday with her bf yes.

I think the mum is being reasonable to be honest....if she's going away for a little while then it stands to reason she'd want to.

If DSD is feeling pushed out then maybe it would be a good idea for her to spend mothers day with her mum?

allnewtaketwo Sun 24-Feb-13 17:02:19

But it being mothers day has nothing to do with the holiday, as she is leaving the day after. Mothers day trumps a 40th in terms if wanting to spend it with a child in my opinion

onedev Sun 24-Feb-13 17:02:36

It is Mother's Day though?? Will your DH not get her on Father's Day? Sounds like you're jealous / upset about her going on holiday?

Floralnomad Sun 24-Feb-13 17:02:38

Can't she have her for the morning and you have her in the afternoon ?

allnewtaketwo Sun 24-Feb-13 17:03:23

I would say most daughters would feel "pushed out" by a new boyfriend. But that has nothing to do with you obstructing her mother seeing her daughter on mothers day

mumandboys123 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:03:31

this is nothing other than playing games on your part. If your husband's birthday fell on the same day as Mother's Day, you seriously must have realised that Mother's Day was going to take priority? Why on earth you would think it appropriate that a child spends Mother's Day with her father's wife's family is beyond any sane person's thinking. Why did you not simply arrange a special day for the Saturday or the week before/week after? I know that's not 'fair' but in the big scheme of things, when people divorce, it's what happens -it's called compromise. Are you a mum? If so, do you think it reasonable your children spend Mother's Day with another family?

I am not one for going on holiday without my children but if I could afford to and the opportunity arose, I think it would be lovely to have some time away with a new partner safe in the knowledge that my children are safe with their father and having a grand old time of it. After all, if my ex had moved on, had a new wife, why on earth can't I get serious with someone else? Or am I a 'bad mother' for wanting a bit of a life?

I'm sorry, I know it must be frustrating but you're wrong on this one.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 17:04:19

It's Mother's day, surely the child should be with her mother?

cluelessnchaos Sun 24-Feb-13 17:05:19

I'd have thought a 40th trumped mothers day actually. Can she go to the party for her dad and see her mum

Who will DSD be staying with whilst her mums away?

rainand Sun 24-Feb-13 17:05:26

It's Mother's Day, it makes perfect sense, despite all, for her mother to want her to be with her on that day. YABU.

allnewtaketwo Sun 24-Feb-13 17:06:30

Lol at an adults birthday trumping mothers day. FFS.

rainand Sun 24-Feb-13 17:07:18

Can't you invite her mother to your DH's 40th too?

Hulababy Sun 24-Feb-13 17:08:22

How old is your DSD?

Dsd will be with us whilst her mum is away. As an aside it is meant to be our time with dsd that weekend. I am not in the slightest bit jealous of her holiday btw. DH and I have opportunities to get away if we wanted to, we just choose not to with the exception of a long weekend away for our anniversary every year.

Rain that is not an option.

DSD is 9.

Xalla Sun 24-Feb-13 17:13:31

Kids should always be their Mother on Mother's Day....surely? I wouldn't dream of suggesting my DSD do anything on Mother's Day but spend it with her Mother.

mumandboys123 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:14:20

so...it's 'your' time and that's the end of it? what happens when Father's Day falls on a weekend that isn't 'your' weekend? will your DH be happy if mum says 'no, sorry, I'm having a birthday party that weekend'?

melodyangel Sun 24-Feb-13 17:14:37

What does your DSD what to do?

I think you are being unreasonable in this case.

Losing one day of your normal time shouldn't really be a big deal considering you will be having her for the next 2 weeks. Your DH can do something special with her another day.

Will she be coming to you on the evening of mother day or the next day?

And what about MY mothers day then? If dhs 40th is not considered important? Should her mothers day trump mine? Not that it works like this in our house but aside from dsd I have 2 dds and dh and I have a ds.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 17:16:02

So you've got DSD for three weeks, but you don't want her mum to see her for a weekend on Mother's Day when she gets back because it's "your weekend"?

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