Had the same experience and agree with frazzledbutcalm.
Today my son told me after 8 years he has finally accepted DH as part of his life (DS doesn't have a father) and it brought me to tears as I knew it meant my son is in a happier place in his heart and I just want my children to be happy.
I love my huband, love my son and they are my family. I was able to mediate between them both for years as it turned out and now they have their own conversations, debates, share jokes and have a new found respect for each other. Makes a change from the stags locking horns that we used to see regularly!
There were times though I wasn't sure we would get through it but then this problem isn't reserved just for blended families.
You've hit the nail on the head - alpha male thing! We went through it, and came out the other side. I really have no constructive help to be honest, we just muddled through, with me kind of being mediator and making each of them trying to see the other side. I tried to tell ds husbands point of view whilst also agreeing with ds. Then told dh sons point of view whilst also agreeing with dh Fwiw, I don't think it matters, or is because of the step relationship, I really feel it's your son finding his adult feet yet your husband can't allow another male to be the leader. It's a very tender time. Good luck.
I am totally caught between my husband and my son who is 17. They are both really the same - stubborn, demanding respect without earning it and won't speak to each other. My son is being a pain and is no angel- he can be obnoxious, has dropped out of college and is working but he doesn't do anything round the house. To me is normal 17 year old behaviour but to my husband is a big issue and a good excuse to kick him out.
The background is that soon after I met DH he kicked his daughter out - she was equally obnoxious and stealing from us which my son isn't. DH isn't always fair but won't listen and son won't listen either but I feel a duty to defend him as his mother.
I am quite sick of them both - it just feels like 2 male egos or 2 tom cats peeing on a fence claiming territory.
Help - they are driving me mad. Anyone else had to contend with the alpha male thing?