Could he do this?

(10 Posts)
Ray75 Mon 07-Jan-13 14:05:43

Hi, Im sorry if this is not the correct place but I hoping someone can help. As of this morning my ex (DS Father) is pestering me over the Child benefit changes as of mid-night.
We do 50:50 however I am RP (DS registered at my address for school, docs, dentist etc) I have always Put the CB in a saving account in my DS name for him to go toward Uni when he is older should he want to go ( i never did and regrett it). Due to the changes my house hold are no longer entitled so I have opted to stop it as no point continuing only to have to pay it back through my tax later.
He is now saying he wants the book as he can claim it....He says im depriving DS of savings however i have suggested we both put in half each to the account to compensate which he has rejected, therefore due to lack of trust I now wonder if it is because he will then go for CSA (I do not recieve any maintenance by the way) and have never aksed to as i belive it fair as a 50:50 arrangment and we both work to take on equal financial responsibility - which we do.
My question really is could he go to the school/doctors etc and change the address behind my back?
The thing that hurts most and may seem silly is that I feel over the years I have been bullied into the 50:50 amongst other things, when we were together he showed very little interest and it was me who would sit in the dark doing night feeds listening to him snoring next door (he never did one ever) not only do i see my DS 50% less but now he is trying to push me to give up my parental status...over money

NotaDisneyMum Mon 07-Jan-13 15:06:36

My ex did. It caused havoc, for years afterwards, as I had no idea who he'd told!

I think your best bet would be to keep claiming CB and fill in the tax return at the end of the year.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 07-Jan-13 17:01:21

Keep claiming just fill in the tax declaration that way he cant claim it.

As a higher earner you have the option to still claim but get it deducted iykwim

That way it stops him doing it.

purpleroses Mon 07-Jan-13 20:03:09

If your ex's main concern is that someone claims the CB - then it is possible for him to do this without becoming your DS's main carer, as long as he pays as least as much as the CB to support his DS. This can be either by paying it to you or by buying him things (eg food) when he's caring for him. It's not necessary to go changing GP addresses or anything - it is possible to claim CB for a child who doesn't live with you as long as no one else is claiming it for them.

However, you'd have to give it up voluntarily and let him claim. I've just done this with my ex - who only has the DCs 2 nights a week. (My new DP earns a high salary so otherwise I'd lose it all) I enquired with the CB people and it is all fine and legal to do this. The DCs still live with me in everyone's eyes, but ex can claim the CB as a non-resident parent. (I struck a deal with him when he increased the money he pays me by 50% of the CB that he's now claiming, so effectively we're splitting it).

Whether this is the right thing for you to do, I don't know though. I have an easygoing relationship with my ex and am confident in the knowledge that he's never wanted to have the kids any more than 2 nights a week. It does however mean more money in total into our two households, and it could help you out to suggest something similar if it would dissuade your ex from thinking that he'd be better off by fighting you to be the resident parent.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 07-Jan-13 20:06:26

If there are maintainance issues or likely to be, remember that the csa will not chase a parent that receives the CB ever.

Ray75 Mon 07-Jan-13 21:02:09

Yes I'm afraid due to lack of trust over the years I believe he may use the opportunity to go through CSA, although I never have I'm not convinced he'd afford me the same....
I have spoken to CB today and they have explained although im not receiving the money, I am still the CB holder and main carer, he can of course apply for it but they will then contact me to ask what's changed, which of course nothing has.
If we had more trust Purpleroses then I may feel differently but sadly over the years he has been manipulative and is good and pretending to be amicable to get what he wants and no sooner do I agree (after sometimes feeling harassed and bullied) goes back to being bitter and unamicable.
Regards still receiving it and paying it back, since DS was born we have put CB into DS account for uni, although I receive it I have continued to do this so it doesn't come to me as such so if I did this it would be me alone contributing to this savings pot, I feel if he wants the 50:50 he pushed for and I have always respected equal financials (no maintenance exchange) then why should it be only me doing this. I also pay out monthly for a Life assurance policy In case something should happen to me whilst DS is still a minor and is written in my Will that the money is to be used to purchase a property to rent and that rental income is to go to ex to help with raising DS, DS he then gets the house in full when he turns 25. Although the savings pot is nice to have I believe these provisions more important, yet he accuses me of robbing him of this money....my solicitor says if I sign the CB book over it is considered 'the gateway' and can open a whole can of worms!

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 07-Jan-13 21:14:43

Your solisiter is correct. So don't.

charlearose Tue 08-Jan-13 17:53:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ray75 Wed 09-Jan-13 08:50:42

Thanks for the replies, I have said 'No' and he has finally stopped sending texts chiiping away at the subject.
I checked with School/Docs and they both said they wouldnt change a childs address without contacting me, they also advised it wouldnt be possible to change address with either of them as he is not in catchment, so I feel a little more reassured that he can not go behind my back changing these things to his adantage.
It of course does'nt stop him putting in a claim to CB but they will then write to me to advisig of it as although I dont recieve money I do hold the book.

bearymerrychristmas Wed 09-Jan-13 12:09:59

If he claims the CB they will stop it immediately (although in your case it doesn't matter as you don't receive the money) whilst it is being assessed.

Is it possible he honestly isn't aware of the important of CB and how it is (as described above) the gateway benefit. Is it possible he just sees it as "lost" money now that you are no longer entitled to get any money from it and he would be, thus avoiding missing out on money for the children?

The school said it's not possible to change the address to one outside of catchment? That sounds wrong, we live outside catchment and changed our address. What if you move? I'd write them a letter and state you do not authorise the school address to be changed.

My Dp has the CB for his daughter and their mum has the CB for their son as they children stay with her and us equal amounts of time. She has recently put in a claim for both CB (not entirely sure why yet) but one of the CB adviser people gave my partner a list of what criteria they use and what is taken into consideration, informally we were told:

- School/nursery registered address
-GP registered address
-Which parent usually take the children for doctors visits / vacciniations etc
-Child trust fund registered address or anything similar for the child
- Who pays for the "one off" living costs for the child, ie not food or clothes at each house. They mentioned things like dinner money and haircuts are examples.

There were other things but that's all I can remember right now.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now