So I'm not actually her step parent but thought I'd probably get the best advice in this topic.
DP and I have been together just under a year and a half (and living together since September). I have a DD from my first marriage and he has 2 (8yo DS and 12 yo DD). I have met his 2 on one occasion for about an hour and his DS for an additional couple of hours. There is a lot of resistance from DP's ex to encourage or facilitate us getting to know each other any further and although the DS (who is younger) seems happy to meet me and DD, the eldest (as we're told by DP's ex) doesn't feel comfortable with it.
Someone suggested I write her a letter as I've not had the opportunity to talk to her and it may help her feel more comfortable with the situation and the idea of me and DD. DP agrees that it may help, so I've written this but would really appreciate the collective wisdom of mumsnet taking a look and seeing what you think. Obviously I've removed any identifiable bits:
Hi X,
I wanted to write and say hi as we haven't really had the chance to talk in the past and, as I met your dad just under a year and a half ago now, I feel it wouldn't be good to leave it any longer to get in touch.
I heard that you were having a bit of a hard time dealing with your parents' separation and the fact that your dad has met someone new, namely me. I've not been through what you're going through myself as my mum and dad never separated, so I can't begin to understand how upsetting and confusing it is for you - but I will try my hardest.
It must be difficult to get your head around the fact that your dad has other people in his life that you don't know - especially as one of these people is a child. I really don't want you to think that (my daughter, who is 4) has, or will ever take the place of you or your brother - it just isn't going to happen; has a dad that she sees very often, and although your dad and have grown very fond of each other, you are his children.
I also wanted to try to help you see what I hope to be my part in yours and your brother's life. I am not, and will never be a replacement for your mum - mums are very special and are pretty much impossible to replace. I'm just a person, a new name to add to your list of friends and family, just as I hope will be as well. The last thing I want is for you to feel like I am taking someone away from you, when in actual fact it's more of a case of adding 2 more people in to your lives. Families come in very different shapes and sizes but when the shape of a family changes, as it has with yours, I am sure it takes quite a bit of getting used to. One day I hope you'll see me as someone you can rely on and share with - I'm a pretty OK person, so I've been told :)
Your dad misses you and terribly, and asks about you both a lot (she has seen your photo many times). We are looking for a bigger house to live in at the moment, so that you and your brother can have your own room when you come over. Maybe once we've moved in to it you, your brother and your mum could come for a visit?
We both also really hope that you will want to come away with us in the future; we love to go camping and festivals and we also really enjoy skiing (although I had a bit of an accident the last time so I think I might be back on the nursery slopes then next time I go!), or maybe you'd like to come to house in Italy with us one day. But we will leave that to you; just let us know if and when you feel ready.
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Contacting DP's DD
35 replies
LindaKroesig · 03/01/2013 13:41
OP posts:
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