Questions about christmas

(17 Posts)

Last bit should say xmas eve

I have offered to have her at mine, but we have never met and she doesn't like the idea of me, so christmas day prob not the best time.

My DP or the gran normally supervises, mainly my dp.

I think moving forward meeting her is best, i am happy to invite her to my home. But all too much before christmas now.

I feel xmas is reasnoble, i have my dc alternate years so think we alk have to comprimise

NatashaBee Tue 20-Nov-12 16:21:34

dietstartsmonday - who normally supervises contact? Is she not allowed in your house? I think that your DSS's gran's offer was pretty reasonable... presumably there is a good reason why contact has to be supervised and people are not necessarily going to be available to do that on Christmas day.

ProcrastinatingPanda Tue 20-Nov-12 15:40:29

I have DS every Christmas, I've offered exP to alternate Christmas but he says no. Usually he takes him a few days after Christmas and stays with him for a few days then back to me for new year and back to alternate weekends.

We are having issues this year too.

before i was with Dp ( he has DSS living with him) DSS would see his mum for a couple of hours on xmas morning.

Now we are together this option isn't really possible ( she is not allowed contact withough DP or his parents present).
Dp and DSS want to stay and spend all morning with me and my DC.
They will then go to DP mums for dinner and back to me late evening.

As DP has no house anymore ( apart from mine) if he suggests meeting DSS mum on xmas day it will be a open presents in car kind of thing.
DSS granny has said the mum cannot go to her on xmas day, but she would be happy to have her round christmas eve.

DSS mum says not good enough, i have no idea what to suggest.

sanityseeker75 Thu 15-Nov-12 15:42:16

Possibly would have him on 27th I doubt he would do NYE as again he likes to go out. My only concern with that is MIL does not treat kids the same and DS would have a selection box to open whilst DSC would have big bags of presents all wrapped with bows and ribbons and not sure I could stand that. They are together the whole of the rest of the Christmas break - I will have to have a think on it confused

purpleroses Thu 15-Nov-12 12:29:51

Would your DS's dad be up for having him on, say, the 27th or new year's eve instead? Then do a big family thing all together on boxing day?

sanityseeker75 Thu 15-Nov-12 12:19:43

Hhmmm it is tricky, never even thought about asking for the DSC on Christmas day before and purpleroses I know my ex wouldn't really be fussed about having DS on Christmas Day - he likes to spend the day with his friends and their family (he used to have DS on Christmas Night a few years ago said it didn't really suit any more as his friends don't have kids so could he just pick him up on boxing day instead). I think because we have always had them for so long I have just considered us lucky especially as I have always found NY eve over rated.

I also think I just assumed that Christmas day would be naturally given to moms? Don't know why really. I do feel for the kids this year as they have been querying it and as I said they spend every weekend together and have only ever been on holiday with us and so by default together. I do do stockings for them on Boxing Day night as they had never had one but then I know everyone's traditions are different.

My other concerns from the moms point of view would be that if we had them Christmas when would she see them?

Riverboat - that does sound like a great set up - can't see us getting there for a few years but you never know!

purpleroses Wed 14-Nov-12 10:45:56

We have my DCs and the DSCs for Christmas. Mine are then off to their dad for Boxing day , whist I go with DP and the DSCs to his parents, then back for a few more days, then they're all off to our exes for New Years.

DSC's mum will do a full re-run of Christmas on New Year's eve with them - turkey, stockings, the lot! She seems happy to spend Christmas itself with her DP's family and let us have the DSC. My ex doesn't really do Chrismas, and will leave it all to me. He has them alternate New Years though as his DW complained about our previous pattern when he had New Year every year.

It's our first Christmas all together and I'm quite looking forward to having all the kids together. They generally like coming at the same time and complain of being bored sometimes when they other lot aren't around.

What I struggle with is how to include the extended family. Mine all live too far to visit for the day. My sister would love to see us at Christmas, but with the DSCs there are too many of us to ever go and visit her. In forming our new family, I feel we're having to cut out some of the extended familly a bit, which is sad, but I can't see any way round.

OP - why don't you and your DP each ask your exes if they'd be willing to swap Christmas and Boxing day around, so you can have the kids all together? (though you'd find, like I do, if you do that that the extended families don't all get to see the grandchildren as you'd presumably have either Christmas or Boxing day with no children.)

Cloverhoney Wed 14-Nov-12 10:26:51

Wow riverboat - that's a great set-up. Well done you.

My DH has my DSD from last day of school until the 27th dec one year and from 27th dec to the first day of school the next year.

On the years SD isn't with us for Xmas we do an Xmas dinner with my in-laws beforehand where we swap presents etc and we also go away for a weekend (usually to Centerparcs) with all the kids and get a tree, do Xmassy activities together there.

WakeyCakey Wed 14-Nov-12 09:01:37

Riverboat that sounds lovely!!

Beamur Tue 13-Nov-12 21:33:24

My DSC's spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day until late afternoon with their Mum, then come to ours for their 2nd Christmas dinner (how they love that, not!) and spend Boxing Day with us.
It's not carved in stone, but that's worked pretty well for us.

riverboat Tue 13-Nov-12 21:30:20

This year DP and I are having DSS for the whole Christmas period. We have no children of our own. We're taking DSS to DPs parents (on the other side of the country) and my parents will be joining us there. DP and I are both only children.

This will be the first time this has happened - previously DSS generally spent Xmas eve with DP and Xmas day with his mum. But because DP and his ex have a really positive relationship and she is basically a lovely person, she has readily agreed to us having DSS for longer this Christmas so that we aren't tied to staying here geographically (none of our family are here). I massively appreciate it, and I know it might be hard for her to be away from DSS this Xmas. Next Xmas of course she'll probably have DSS for the whole Christmas period, and we'll do something Christmassy with him at New Year.

We'll probably also have a "blended family" Christmas meal (DP and I, her and her partner, and all the various children/step children) at some point in December, as we've done it the past couple of years and it's been lovely.

NatashaBee Tue 13-Nov-12 18:56:50

We alternate years - DSD lives with us and either goes to her mum just before Christmas and comes back around New Years, or if she's spending Christmas with us, she goes to her mum's on boxing day. DH and I do a limited sort of Christmas day on the 'real' day - a couple of presents, roast dinner, wine, and do a proper Christmas on the day after DSD gets back on the years that she's not with us. I think the alternate years thing is pretty standard for divorced families, as long as distance permits.

It seems a shame that your stepkids don't get to spend Christmas with your DS or see eachother open presents. Could they not at least stay over Christmas eve and do presents in the morning so they can spend time together?

WakeyCakey Tue 13-Nov-12 18:48:44

We don't have any DCs together but we do have DSD.
Xmas eve is a day for me and DSD to sort out the table, do a bit of crafting, prep veg and then mani pedi. She then goes home so as to wake up on Xmas day with her DM and DSF. Comes back to us about 10am to open pressies with us then to her Grans (mums mum) until evening where she comes back to us to see DDads Parents and then back home to Mum.
We aren't ever going to have her for the day Xmas day because she is 12 and has always been at her Grans as they have a huge (30 people) get together with her cousins etc.

We live very close (200 yards) to her mums so not much travel.
We do have her boxing day but we don't really do anything and she doesn't come over til 12 ish.

No point in trying to get her for the day as she would be horribly bored with no other kids here

Riggs Tue 13-Nov-12 15:19:10

It's a tricky thing to negotiate isn't it!? We have had the same routine for years with my teenage DSC too. Alternate xmas eve until xmas day evening, then to the other parent on Xmas day evening until Boxing Day evening. We also have a DC of our own aged 4. For us, I am not convinced this arrangement works awfully well. For instance, by the time the DSC go to the other parent on Xmas evening they are tired, overwhelmed and not really in the mood to start xmas all over again. Plus although distances are not too far, it still means travelling about.

This year, we have suggested that the dsc stay with their mum all day xmas day and come to us on boxing day morning. They seem pleased with this idea and DP is happy with it too. He would always ideally like to see them on xmas day itself, but this does not always make for a happy day for everyone.

Think we will play next year by ear!

You've done well to have a stable contact arrangement over the years, but looks like the children are starting to want a change? It seems a shame that the children's time together doesn't overlap on either xmas day or boxing day (if I've got that right) not even on an every other year basis?

sanityseeker75 Tue 13-Nov-12 13:58:22

We have pretty much always had same routine with Christmas for years now.

Christmas Day = Me, DH and DS open pressies at our house go to my moms and spend rest of day with my family (there are 15 of us in total for Christmas Dinner) go home on evening

Boxing Day - DS gets picked up by his Dad at 9.00am and DH goes and gets DSC at 9.30 we do pressies opening again and the MIL and SFIL come over to us and we send day together and have buffet style lunch and games playing etc.

Day after boxing day DS comes home and DS and DSC all stay until New Years day then DSC go home to mom and DS goes to his dad for the night then back to normal routine.

We go to my moms a lot and have family get together time with all kids and I think after bonfire night this year this has started raising questions.

DSC have started asking why they can not come Christmas Day or DS be there on boxing day and likewise DS has been asking why they can not all be together (think because they have only ever been on holiday all together and are together every weekend). I have been batting off the questions with the because you need to see your mom at least one day over Christmas and because you need to see your dad at least one day over Christmas but they still keep questioning.

What do other SF do over Christmas?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now