Have been with DP for 5 yrs lived together for 18m have DS living with us; DSD 2/3 days a week. My DS is typical 11yr old but is a good boy. My DP is, recently finding fault with most things he does, and there is a constant barrage of nit picking arguments which are creating atmosphere in house...most of time I play devils advocate and judge/jury, but DP can be such a grumpy arse at times, I just ignore it, tell my DS to just calm down etc. it's mainly around time spent on computer, which is monitored and restricted. When DSD here she watches tv constantly and is on BBM to friends, DP never bats eyelid- suspect doesn't want her to be upset the short time she is with us..... Not good for relationship with DP and DS as DS sees it as her always being goody two shoes. It's all so obvious to me but my DP doesn't see it and constantly berates DS thus driving wedge between them and its starting to affect our relationship as I naturally want to stick up for him... Any thoughts / other opinions gratefully received !
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No you are not wrong but then I dare say he will not really see he is in the wrong either. I know certainly I had similar issues with DH, as DS lives with us then it was only natural that he was more of a prime target for being pulled up on things as he was there all the time. I think DH felt a certain amount of guilt that my DS lived with us and his DC didn't and so he used to allow his DD "off" with certain things that DS would have been called up on.
One example was the noise of the TV - it was a constant that my DS was pulled up for how loud his TV was when playing games I used to be peace keeper and try and tell DS to turn it down a bit but then it would grate on me when DSD came over and was on karaoke in her room with door open so I couldn't her what I was watching - I told DH constantly that there was no balance. One Sunday evening after listening to DSD all afternoon he then shouted up to DS to turn TV down because he could hear it over our TV (a bit exaggerated). I told he I felt that rather than having the same problem with DS every time why didn't he go upstairs and explain to him exactly why he had a problem with the noise and explain the reasoning behind why it was ok for DSD to be louder because once DS understood the reason behind the different rules then he would be fine about it and probably try harder to make sure volume stayed down.
Needless to say DH could not really deal with the why it's one rule for one issue - sulked with me for a couple of hours and then said no more!
From time to time we still have minor disagreements but every time one of the DC does something that the others aren't meant to do I just point out that it is fine but I am not laying piggy in middle and throw the explaining back to him.
Use the phrase - I feel nobody can tell you you are wrong for feeling like you do they can tell you it was not their intention to make you feel like that but eg I feel that you are constantly on at DS for behaviour other DC gets away with, I understand why you let her do this/that/other but I feel that if you would just explain to DS why it is different for him than the others he will understand.
May not work but worth a go 
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