Young Step mum Considering More kids?

(6 Posts)
Bexxyblue Fri 09-Nov-12 21:48:15

So I'm a step mum for a 2 year old girl, who is experiencing an arse aching terrible twos phase. I'm now desperate for my own but there are complications.

Firstly I'm at uni, in the middle of a course that i'm not entirely enjoying.
Secondly, should I wait to have a second child until my SD is old enough to sort of understand (we have her full time, her mother has access but sees her very very rarely - hasn't seen her since august)
and thirdly, I'm not sure what my parents will think.

Anyone got any ideas/ advice?

brdgrl Fri 09-Nov-12 22:04:32

Well, I am not young. I am a stepmum to two teens and mum to a toddler, undecided about having another. But here are my replies, for what they're worth!

1.) I had DD whilst doing a degree (and I was utterly, utterly miserable as the department was terribly dysfunctional!) - it was the perfect time for me, as I was able to work flexibly around DD's needs and timetable. And financially, it made sense too, as it was less impact than, say, leaving mid-career stream.
2.) I think since SD lives with you full-time, the question of the impact on her really isn't a step-parenting one, but more or less the same as adding a sibling to any family. Many people think tihat a 2-3 year gap is just perfect. My siblings and I are all three years apart, and my sisters have followed that same model with their own kids, and it seems to have worked well. It means the kids will be able to play together and really be companions for one another. And at age two or three, provided you and your partner have enough resources (time, money, and energy!), DSD will possibly gain a lot more than she loses by having a baby around.
3.) I'm not sure what you mean. Are you very young? Are your parents very involved in your life or in the care of DSD? Do they dislike your partner? I guess everyone wants their parents' support and approval, but if you are mature enough to handle the responsibility - truly - of children, it seems odd that you are so concerned about their reaction - is there more to this story?

I think you might want to ask yourself a few other questions to decide if the timing is right. What does your partner think? How long have you been together? How much of the day-to-day parenting of DSD do you do currently, and how much does he do?

Bexxyblue Fri 09-Nov-12 22:55:59

Well at the moment, I'm 20. My partner and I have been living together for around 5 months and We really try to share the workload - ultimately, hes the main chef, im the main entertainer.

The reason it's important for my parents to care is because they like my partner but are worried that I should be putting a career first, though I do like your point of financially, it will be easier to adjust by not losing my career income.

Kaluki Sat 10-Nov-12 16:39:59

Personally I would wait at least a year before you even think about having a baby. 5 months is no time at all.

Bonsoir Sat 10-Nov-12 16:42:42

Do you have a nanny for your SD? If so, having a baby soon would be a good idea as you will be able to share childcare costs between the two DCs.

If not, wait a while, finish your degree and then see!

brdgrl Sat 10-Nov-12 19:10:26

I agree with Kaluki, OP. Five months is not long at all, for even a childless married or co-habitating couple, and given that there is a stepchild in the mix, I think you'd be wise to slow wayyyyy down.

I asked about the child care, because at only five months in, many of us who have been stepmums longer would, I think, counsel you not to be taking on 50% or greater of the parenting duties.

I don't think the finances or the degree or the age of your SD should discourage you from having a child - but I do think the short amount of time you have been living together, plus your own youth, should be giving you a lot of pause.

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