ffs, have disengaged from (d)sd, poisonous ex-w and their shit, but what about disengaging from dp?????

(5 Posts)
humptydidit Tue 06-Nov-12 12:23:38

Have posted before about dsd and her mother. Have sucessfully disengaged from dsd at the moment which is such a relief not to have to deal with her shit....

But

I still have to sit and listen to it from dp. And watch dsd continue to manipulate him. Do I need to get over it and let him deal with it? Dp is really down at the moment. His boss has laid him off temporarily and he is worried about money, his health isn't great and dsd and his ex-w have seriously been pushing it. But he still is in denial about the whole lot on some levels. He is really frustrating me.

Can I sit him down and tell him straight about other things, or is that out of turn too? Can I insist that he eats properly and looks after himself, he is diabetic. Can I insist that he starts looking for another job to raise his self esteem? Can I insist that the little money he has got, should NOT be spent on dsd, no matter how much she bugs him?
Or
Should I just let it wash over me and let him get on with it and hit rock bottom with the whole thing, lose his rag with dsd and start disciplining her, tell ex-w to fuck off etc etc etc.

I don't know how best to support him, because inside I am fuming. I can't see why he can't say "no, dsd, you cannot have £20 for make up, because you are a rude lazy bitch who cannot even be bothered to flush the chain after you use the toilet and you have done nothing to deserve what little money I do have!!!"
or
"sorry dsd, you will have to walk the 1/4 mile to new look to browse shit because I don't have enough petrol as it is"
or
"no dss, you cannot have an x box costing £300 for christmas plus assorted expensive other shit because I had to get a hand out from my parents to pay the council tax this month"
or
"No, ex-w, get to fuck, I do not listen to you spouting shit at me for the next half hour, goodbye"

Why can't he see it?

Any advise ladies?

I am so thankful we do not live together, as I think the money thing would be a serious issue. dp is desparate to get everybody what they want and it's just not possible. I have told him to speak to family and insist on a present limit for gifts to ease the budget, but he won't, I have done it with my family.

Am I just a bitter old cow who should lighten up?

Kaluki Tue 06-Nov-12 15:35:36

Watch from a safe distance and thank the lord that you don't live together and his problems are just that - HIS.
Seriously - give advice then if he won't take it then tell him to stop moaning! smile

brdgrl Tue 06-Nov-12 16:19:41

I'm not the best person to give advice on this, I seem to be incapable of just keeping my mouth shut when DH is letting them take the piss too much! I'd have to say something...but seriously, I do try more and more to put it in terms of 'positive reinforcement'..."DP, it is lovely to see DSD taking more responsibility for herself, don't you think?"..."DP, I'm so glad you let DSS fix his own lunch today so you could get some work done"...only works of course when there are any positive moments!

humptydidit Tue 06-Nov-12 17:33:26

thanks ladies, it does help. It is soooo bloody frustrating.

I am resolved to try to be supportive but in a non judgemental way hmm

Think my tongue may be bitten black and blue by the end of the week from me trying so hard to hold back, lol

Feel better tbh for letting it all out.

God I deserve a drink I think!

griphook Sat 17-Nov-12 23:17:37

because you are a rude lazy bitch who cannot even be bothered to flush the chain after you use the toilet

Sorry I had to laugh at this bit, wtf is it with flushing the toliet my ss used to do this.

I did both with dp, told him I thought as was selfish, manipulating rude.... And was told I never had anything positive to say. And when I let it wash over me I was told I showed no interest. So ag the end if the day you can't win

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