DP and I discussed how we would raise our respective children together before moving in together. DP has 8 yr old DD and I have 13 yr old DS and 3 year old DD. We seemed to agree on everything from manners to bedtimes to discipline and I felt that once we started to live together things would progress smoothly as we were both working from the same page. How wrong I was.
DP sees DSD every other weekend and occasionally overnight during the week. DSD is essentially a good kid but the complete turnaround in parenting style when she is with us is starting to affect our relationship.
DSD is an extremely fussy eater. DP had told me she wasn't, and if you count the varied sweets and fast food she eats then I guess he would be correct. However when I have spent 2 hours making a sunday roast only to be informed that DSD and DP are going to McDonalds I get slightly peed off. DP expects my DCs to clean their plates and was actually telling off my DD for messing about with her lunch whilst DSD was spitting hers out onto the floor.
DSD will not sleep in her own bed. I find it a bit creepy sleeping with an 8 yr old and so end up on the sofa. Unfortunately as my DD wakes up at around 7am I have to wait till around 10.30am to get dressed as this is when my DP and DSD decide to rouse themselves.
DP allows DSD to spend the whole weekend in her PJs. If I decide to go somewhere and DSD wants to come along it then takes another hour for HIM to get her dressed.
DSD does not have a bedtime she will usually doze off around midnight on the sofa. This means no one else except her dad can sit on it from 8pm, although they actually spend most of the day lounging on it. Waiting for me to fetch them food, drink, sweets etc. . DP says he likes to relax at weekends. GUESS WHAT? I wouldn't mind some relaxing too!
Unless DP is watching the TV we have to watch the Disney channel, even the repeats, because DSD wants to. This can be up to 11pm at night. Usually by this point I have had enough and retired to bed with wine and a book.
Dp constantly organises things without consulting me. I have been informed that I am going swimming this weekend. I know DP is going to cry off at the last moment and expect me to take DSD. (this also happens with going to the park, etc) To be honest I don't want to go to the freezing cold pool in our town but probably wouldn't have minded if he had thought to ask me first.
DSD has started tormenting my DD and this makes me uncomfortable leaving them alone together. DP tends to ignore this behaviour.
I have told DP that DSD needs to have a bedtime, in her own bed and whilst I am not going to cook something she does not particularly like, I expect her to at least try and eat something other than McDonalds. I will also not be watching the mind numbingly irritating Disney channel after 8pm as I would like to have some downtime at weekend.
DP has used the I only see her every other weekend, (actually more often than that and we have her for 3 weeks during the summer), and he wants her to have a 'fun' weekend. I can see his point, and deep down I think he is slightly embarrassed by some of her behaviour, (unable to use a knife and fork, belching and passing wind loudly when we eat out, lack of please and thank you, the constant whining and temper tantrums when told no).
It is unfair on the other children when he uses to blatantly different styles of parenting and I am quite prepared to have separate households if things do not improve in the coming months.
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Step-parenting
Using blatantly different parenting styles with my DCs and DSD
6 replies
coolmango · 02/08/2012 15:19
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