Holidays in blended families - what works?

[purpleroses]

DP and I each have kids - aged 8-15 (No joint kids). We're just in the process of moving in together and are making plans for holidays at the moment :) We're both agreed we want to do a main holiday with all the kids each summer, and a week or a couple of weekends with just the two of us.

But I'm also wondering about taking my two off for a weekend sometimes, or possibly a longer holiday - either with or without DP, but definitely without his DCs. The reason is mainly that my kids are really enthusiastic about holidays. They're an exciting treat. Whereas his kids go to private schools where they get school trips abroad each year, and their mum also takes them away quite a lot. Two of them are a teenage too, so holiday plans are sometimes met with moans and grumbles, which really makes me cross I feel they're spoilt and don't know how lucky they are, and their school trips should be given to other children who've never had a chance to go abroad (I know pleanty)!

What do other families do? Do you all go away together? or do you have some holidays just with your own children? Or leave your DP to go away just with his? How do you prevent any jelousy if you don't take them all?

[theredhen]

We do the couple thing and the joint family thing. I also take my ds away on my own for long weekends with family or friends.

I wouldn't dream of expecting dp to come away with my ds without his kids. He just wouldn't want to and I do actually think that's fair enough.

I'd really like to do a proper holiday with ds but I think dp and dsc would get jealous. Proper holidays are expected to be done with all the kids but I take no enjoyment from them at all but that's down to my home life which is just magnified on holiday.

[UC]

Similar situation to you - we both have children, but none together. We go on holiday all together in the summer with all the kids. We sometimes go away on our own for a week, and do take quite a few weekends when all the kids are at their other parents. I also take my children away for weekends to visit friends - friends from before I met DP, so they're very much my friends IYSWIM. I also take my two skiing, as we love it, DP doesn't - although one of his kids would love to go, and may be the one to persuade DP to do it!! Next year while we ski, DP is going to visit family with his kids (they are abroad). So we'll be on separate holidays at the same time.

My DSSs also go on holiday with their mum, and understand that I go away with my DCs sometimes as a separate sub-family unit. They value the time with their dad without us when we go away for a weekend. My DCs also go on holiday with their dad.

Actually, I think they get far more holidays than most kids!

[Kaluki]

We have the dsc for 2 weeks in August and in the past I have suffered spent the whole time with them.
This year we are spending one week all together going out for day trips, then for the second week I am taking my dc away to visit my family and DP will take his two to his Mums. This way we both get time with our own dc and they also get to spend time together (they all get on like a house on fire!!). The down side is that DP and I will be apart for a week but tbh that is preferable to two weeks with 4 kids and not much money!
DP and I would desperately love for us to go away on our own, but we just never seem to be able to afford it

[theredhen]

UC, I'm so jealous you go skiing! I took DS before I moved in with DP and I would love to go again, we could never afford to take 5 kids but I would hate to go with DP's 4 anyway as they would do nothing but moan and hang round us.
thin

[eslteacher]

I don't have kids of my own, but have a 7 year old DSS. DSS goes on one holiday with his mum, her partner, his half-sister and his step sister every summer. He goes on another holiday with me and DP. And usually DP also tries to find a weekend or something for him and his DS (my DSS) to just have a little trip somewhere together also.

I think this is a really good thing, as I worry that DSS might resent sharing his dad with me all the time (not that there have really been any signs of this) and it is nice for them to have proper quality time together for a few days. For example, last year DP took DSS on a little three-day road trip across the country, stopping off at a different place every day (one day was a zoo, one day was a kids' museum, one day was a theme park) before ending up at his grandparents house. I flew across the country to meet them there upon arrival, having spent those three days with my own family. After, we continued our holiday with all the three of us. It was the perfect solution!

[purpleroses]

Thanks - lots of different configurations is probably what will suit us too. I think we'll largely stick to our separate units for family visits. My family would like us to visit with all the DC some day, but I'm not sure this will ever happen (they live 5 hours drive away).

Your DSS's road trip sounds great, riverboat! I think the reality is that my DP will not take his anywhere much on his own though - I think he'd struggle to find anything they were all into. So it'll be about mine having additional holidays (though quite possibly just a few days here and there youth hosteling in the UK).

[Bonsoir]

You need to have several holidays a year in different configurations, but only one of them need be a whole family holiday (and make it short - one week or ten days is plenty).