Anyone given up a dream to be with their partner?

[knotalot]

Hi, I split up with my partner a couple of months ago. We had an amazing relationship and the decision was so difficult.
Since traveling to New Zealand in 1999 I've always wanted to go back, preferably to live there. My ex partner has 5 children (youngest 4, eldest 17) and understandably wants to be close to his kids, therefore wouldn't consider moving. This is also a chance he is not the youngest childs bio father. This is something we discussed and he was deciding whether to do a dna test before we split up. That formed part of my reason for splitting up, I felt it was a lot for him to do and it was my fault that the whole dna thing had come up.

So we split up because of circumstance rather than anything bad. I suppose deep down I know I have done the right thing but I am finding it really hard.

Feel like I'm either trying to figure out a compromise or thinking may be it could work in the future when things may have changed (I'm going to NZ for a month to volunteer, try to see what its like to live there and if i like it. Eldest kids may move on etc).

Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone has given up their dream to be with their partner and how they feel about it now. Or did you leave your partner and have never looked back? I've got to embrace one decision and go with it, its just deciding which is the right decision.

Thanks

Oh, I have no children of my own so it would be just me moving.

[Pedigree]

It is always a gamble, you will not get a realistic idea of what your life will be at NZ until you have moved there permanently. It may be that you love the place, find a lot of new friends or even a new love/family there. Or it may be that you find yourself isolated in a far away country without enough economical resources that allows you to 'touch base', with your roots in the UK, from time to time.

As a good gamble, you have a 50-50 chancd that things are going to go well. The problem is, that thd pricd of this lotto ticket is your current relationship. You are the only person who can decide whether that ticket is worth buying, at the end of the day, if there is no prize at the end if this draw, you will not be returned the ticket price.

Having said that... WTF is that of getting your partner to do a DNA test? Do you have an idea of the emotional cost of that? Even if the child is confirmed to be his, the emotional damage it will cause will be a source of missery for your partner, his child, other family members and ultimately yourself.

[Kaluki]

I'm curious about the DNA test too.
Why was it your fault?
You should go to NZ. If you dont you will always wonder what if and since you don't have any dc now is the best time to make a change.

[OneHandFlapping]

I don't understand why your ex partner's decision to stay near his kids affects your decision to go to NZ at all.

Go while you're commitment free, or you'll always regret it. If it doesn't work out, you can come back.

[knotalot]

I've posted previously about the DNA test in this forum. But basically, he told me about the night she was conceived and we both agreed that it was not 100% that she was his. But it was me that pointed it out after I found out about the night in question. We went to counseling about the issue and he decided that he would take some time to think about whether to do it or not. If I hadn't started the convo about what happened that night it probably would have never come up, as he said it never crossed his mind. His ex was obsessive and stalked him for over a year after they split up. It was a drunken night out, she followed him everywhere and he woke up next to her but cant remember anything and from personal experience hes useless when drunk. Like I said part of the reason I split up with him was because of the dna test. Realising what I was asking him to do etc.

OneHandFlapping - I'm trying to figure out whether I made the right decision to split with my partner to follow my dream of moving to NZ.

We had an amazing relationship (apart from the whole dealing with his exes, who are totally unreasonable when it comes to the kids), never felt like this with anyone else. He lights up a room, made me feel so special, truly felt like he was my soul mate (we have known each other for years and always got on well). Would my life in NZ be worth it without him by my side?

I just want to know if anyone has given up on their dream because of their love for their partner and how it worked out.

[Kaluki]

I remember your previous post about the DNA test now.
I still dont see why it was your fault though!
To answer your question I think that if the person really is the love of your life you won't contemplate leaving. So follow your dream and leave him behind. If it doesn't work out in NZ and you come home at least you can say you tried!

[Eliza22]

This is soooo complicated.

Go to NZ. You are free to go. He is not.

I believe there may be regrets, whatever you decide but it is YOUR dream, not his, so go. You may never be in a position to try it again.