DF and I got engaged on Christmas Eve (which was also our 5 year anniversary). Future DSS is 8.5 years old.
Mother of FDSS (not really DF's ex as was one night stand - v complicated!) has become very difficult since we told her about our engagement, despite having had pretty constructive relationships over last 2.5 years. Potted history - after FDSS was born (before I was in picture), DF was with someone else but had access to FDSS. He and mother of FDSS fell out over DF's then partner and she refused him access for several years. DF and I got together. I helped DF regain contact and get relationship with her to at least a constructive level. DF visits once a month (has always lived far away) sometimes takes FDSS out, sometimes just sees him in her house - she often has some excuse why FDSS can't be taken out.
She wouldn't let me see FDSS in early years, I completely understood and respected that and didn't push in any way whatsoever. First contact was when she invited me to his 6th birthday. We have subsequently had FDSS out for days (including her two daughters from two other relationships), had FDSS for weekend at DF's dad's house (not so far for FDSS to travel), and even conducted visits in her home. We try to be amenable to whatever she wants in terms of visits etc. as she tends to become difficult at the slightest challenge to her control and we just want a quiet life that includes access to FDSS.
Since tour engagement - DF no longer allowed to take FDSS out on his own. I am not welcome. Nothing else has changed to warrant this, except we got engaged (oh, and we increased her monthly payment - naively hoping it would get the relationship back on track).
All conversations DF and she (I stay well out of it) descend into argument again. She rants at him then hangs up when he tries to stand up for himself.
Sorry for long-windedness, I'm getting to the point now...
In one of their arguments, she demanded that FDSS is at our wedding (we haven't arranged it yet but of course he would be invited and hopefully part of bridal party) but has also said explicitly that she would have to accompany him?!?!?!?!? DF was furious. I burst out laughing. Are we being unreasonable to refuse this? Apparently everyone she has spoken to agrees that she should be there to support FDSS.
Maybe I'm biased but this is surely bonkers? Would appreciate your views. Sorry this was so long. Obviously needed to vent!
xx
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Step-parenting
Are we being unreasonable?
18 replies
Stepmumliz · 06/04/2012 13:45
OP posts:
NatashaBee ·
07/04/2012 13:27
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