18 yr old SD wants more money

[warriorwoman]

Hi
DH's 18 year old is at college full-time and has a part time job. She says she is struggling to cope with the work load and the job and hinting that she would like DH to give her some money so she can quit her job. He already pays maintenance and also gives her some money directly, but she wants more. She has a year left in college so I am assuming she wants help until then.
What do other people do either with Skids or own kids when they get to this age and need money? Should he just say she has to stick at the job even if she is finding it a struggle? The thing is my DH can afford to give her more at the moment, but should he?
Thanks

[ladydeedy]

I wouldnt change things if it were me. Maintenance is there to contribute towards her "running costs" and if she has part time job that should help for her spending money and so on. And he's giving her money directly so she's doing pretty well I think!
Do you know what she spends her money on? Maybe she just needs to learn to budget. If she is hinting at dad, is she doing same to mum, or is dad seen as an easy touch?

[ArcticRain]

DSS is at college full time and has a part tins job . We don't give him any extra money . If he wants more cash then he can increase his hours .

We buy all food etc , and just bought insurance on my car so he can cut down driving lessons . If he lived with his mum full time , we still wouldn't give him extra cash . If he was living away from home at uni or college , obviously it would be different .

Stick to the plans and help her by offering advice .

[lopsided]

It depends on what she gets now and what she has to buy (travel,toiletries etc).

[teanosugar]

I could have written this post!!
SD is now 21, at uni and working part time. DH pays her monthly phone bill, gives her the odd £100 now and then, pays her train fare when she visits etc.
This year she has an unpaid internship and is fully expecting us to pay her rent and living costs because 'everybody elses dad is paying for them'.
DH has said whatever her mum can afford per month he will match but he is not giving her upwards of £1000 per month.
I am keeping out of the arguement but DH thinks she fully expects him to bankroll her lifestyle until she gets married and someone else has to.

[ArcticRain]

What does she spend the money on ? Travel costs , books etc or is it for fun ? DSS can bike to college and we buy basic toilletries . He uses his cash for driving lessons , transport if can't be bothered to cycle , clothes, lunch and fun . He can cut back by taking packed lunches , eating dinner at home or getting self to college .

[warriorwoman]

Thanks for your replies. It's difficult to know what she spends her money on because DH and his ex don't speak and I have asked DH what she spends it on and he says he doesn't know and that she is a bit vague when he asks her. I think she does need to budget and is not used to it.

The issue is more that she is complaining that the job is too much to cope with along with the full time college course. DH is thinking should she give up the job and he give her the money instead until her course finishes next year!

[ArcticRain]

Any idea what the hours are ? My DSS is full time , but he is at home Monday and Tuesday afternoons , and all day Friday with no homework !

Plenty of students do manage with a course and job . Id ask your DH to find our the full details before he commits . He has a right to know .

[Smum99]

I think the "hinting" has to be clarified and asked directly. What does she budget for each month? What hours is she doing in her job? What contribution does her mum make towards it from the maintenance? i.e could the mum give her the CB.

Some teens could have an issue with working if they are studying for highly competitive Uni courses (assuming she is doing A2 Level now). We did 'sponsor' my dd when she was in her last 2 terms of A levels as she was going for a uber competitive course so her grades had to be A*s and she couldn't balance the study with work. We did agree an amount that meant she had to budget carefully which has been fantastic training for Uni.

[warriorwoman]

The problem is they don't really communicate very well. With my DD I would ask all those questions and we would discuss it all, but he might ask her, but not really in detail and he wouldn't really get anything from her. It's difficult to get the truth about what her Mum gives her and what SD has to pay for herself.
She doesn't work that many hours and she will get a couple of months holiday in the summer so her workload will ease then.

[RubyrooUK]

How about your DH says to his daughter:

"What's that? You're struggling to keep up with your course and job? Don't worry - come on over and we'll work out a budget together to see if you can get by without the job. I know going through finances is boring but hey, what are dads for?"

That way he can see if she can genuinely cut back or not. If not and she's struggling with her course, it might be a good thing to give her some money. If she just needs to budget better, he can be a help that way instead.

[ajandjjmum]

DS worked during his first year at uni, and the £60/£80 he earned was very useful. However, he's doing a tough course, and we agreed that we would make up the difference providing that he spent the extra 10 hours he would have each week working, not loafing. He's been as good as his word and is getting the results to show for the extra time spent studying.

Difficult one though. Sitting down to work out a budget seems a very sensible first step.

[Beamur]

If doing the job is genuinely compromising her course - and you could afford to give her more money, then I would perhaps offer to give her more, but maybe term time only - so she could try and get a job in the holidays. That way you are encouraging the work ethic, but helping her out so she can study.

[Eliza22]

I'm in two minds about this. My sd did her law degree from age 18 and she worked part time too. She had to work really hard. Occasionally, she'd have a borrow from her dad, my dh. She always repaid it back. She got her law degree and now conti use to work hard. She knows the work/play balance and the value of money. I really admire her. When I was a student (many years ago) I too worked to subsidise myself. It was tough. I didn't expect it to be anything else.

Now, I hear about 18 yr olds who spend their EMA on "getting steamed" 2 or 3 times a week. They're doing retakes of a level studies this summer and basically, living beyond their means. They live at home with mum and dad so, it's going to be a big shock......the REAL WORLD.

My friend is subsidising her son through a medical degree. It's a tough degree and he works very very hard. Would she do so much if he were doing media studies? Not sure.

I'd help my son, if he were working hard.

It's a tough one.

[ragged]

At about the same age I suddenly asked my parents for $100/month (that's about £60/month, 25 years ago, so more like £200 now?) to help me not have to work so many hours. I was very grateful & managed without it after about 18 months. I think it would have driven me to the edge to have to increase my hours, otherwise. I was really struggling. I just needed to know that I had a safety net.

So I think it depends how much she's asking for, & whether you think she just wants to fritter money on stupid things (what is her track record) or whether she could use a bit of support.

[Lasvegas]

I worked part time during A levels, bachelors degree and an MBA. My parents didn't support me and I would not have expected them to. I lived with my parents when doing a levels and they supplied food and utility bills. Babysitting is a great way of earning money, stops you spending as you are not out socialising and you can study while kids are asleep.

[missduff]

I never got a penny off my parents once I left school, I was at college full time and worked part time in the evenings/weekends and still had plenty of time to socialise too.
IMO the youth of today just expect things to be handed to them on a plate but the truth is it damages them, they leave college and go in to the workplace and get one almighty shock.
Yes it might be hard work studying and working part time but hey that's life!
At 18 she should be full of energy and always be on the go, she might think she's hard done to now but she'll thank you for it one day x