just a bit of a rant, EXW's snidey comments

[Ticktock1]

I have been with my DP a year and a bit. We live together and have DSD (3) 2 nights a week includeing everyother weekend. Would be more but DP's EXW doesn't want to not see her DD for 3 days in a row so days got cut down (but its fine for my DP to go 3 days with out seeing his DD!) Anyway its been ok, I get on very well with DSD, well she's 3 what's not to love! I had to meet the EXW before I was allowed to meet DSD and had to wait 6 months till that happened. I did as she asked includeing letting her send me a bitter fueled email the night before we met. I figure 'whatever makes life easier'. I commute for 3 hrs a day for work and work 12 hour days so on the weekdays we have her I do not see her as I get home after see has gone to bed and leave before she is up. Ends up with me seeing her every other sunday. I can't do much a bout this, work are conciderate when you have a child but when its someone else they are understandably not as easy going. So what can I do? I have just heard that the EXW thinks that I am not doing enough, that I only have 'one foot in this'(whatever that means) and that I think of her child as a burden!! I have met this woman once, how can she just decide this? Am I expected to change my job for her child? My DP looks after HIS own daughter, she is not mine, should I make all of the sacrifices I would for my own? I don't have a DC I'm not going to screw up work before I get the chance to have my own DC. Sorry its a long rant, and probably rubbish! Thanks xx

[Purpleroses]

Ignore the ex completely. She sounds completely muddled as to what she wants from you anyway and presuming your DP is perfectly capable of looking after his DD alone if needs be, it's nothing to do with her.

Decide for yourself (after discussion with your DP) whether you want to try to adjust your hours so that you can spend more time with DSD and your DP at the weekends. If it would cause a major problem at work, I wouldn't do it personally, but it's your choice and no-one else's.

[2blessed2bstressed]

Ignore her completely! So long as you, dp and dsd are happy, then it's fine. Purpleroses is right - it is none of her business.

[AKissIsNotAContract]

She's just picking something to have a dig at you about. If you were there all the time she'd complain about that.

[workshy]

I actually think it's really nice that DP get some time with his DD by himself as well as with you

I'm sure his ex would moan if you were there all the time too

as long as you, your DP and DSD are all ok about the set up then ignore her, it's nothing to do with her

[FloydieDoydie]

I concur with the other posters - you will be dammed if you do and dammed if you don't (surely the mantra of all us "wicked step mothers").

We have the opposite in that I'm an evil child stealing psycho

Fuck her, as long as it works for you and your DP that's all that matters.

[Ticktock1]

Thank you all for your replys, they made me feel so much better. Your right it is so nice that DSD gets to have lots of proper 'daddy daughter' time and yes I think the EXW would complan if I was a round to much too. I probably can't win so an going to take all of the advice you have given and ignore her. I am thinking I could try and cut one of my days down slightly to get home for dinner with them but less hours means less money aswell. Thank you all very much x

[Smum99]

Yes completely agree - you will never be able to 'good enough' no matter what you do. Don't change your routines to placate the ex ONLY make changes if it suits you and your DP.

If you have a hostile ex then you will only ever be one of these 3 types:

1. Man stealing hussy
   
2. Child stealing hussy
   
3. Bitter career women who can't or wont have their own children, hussy:)
   

The reality I guess is that you are likely to be an caring independent woman, providing for yourself financially and a wonderful enhancement to your DSD's life.

How are you hearing these comments?

[Ticktock1]

DP's mum told me, she isn't subtle and just tells it like it is. She probably thinks all 3 so maybe just hussy! I have calmed down a lot since this post and am just going to ignore the silly comments she makes. To be fair after hearing this I probably wasn't that kind about her to DP and I don't want to end up a hyprocrite.. So as the SP mantra goes, detach detach detach!

[therantingBOM]

Ooh ooh, smum can I have a prize for being a man stealing hussy AND a child stealing hussy, AND a bitter career woman who despite having her own children "farms them out to strangers".

Yes it's true - I am able to simutaneously be there too much AND be there two little

All advice as below ticktock she's obviously very bitter and very bored. Tell her if she want's to help you with some filing it could give her a nice hobby and allow you to get home earlier.

[therantingBOM]

too little