What happens in your house?

[flixy102]

Hi all

Just hoping to get some opinions on this and see what happens in other peoples situations.

My DH has to go away with for work for 5/6 weeks over the summer. His DD (nearly 14) comes to us one day a week (doesn't stay over) and that's all fine and dandy. The thing I was wondering about is whether I should still be expected to have her the days that her dad is away. I really don't have a problem with her coming round as normal but on the other hand would perhaps like for me to use the weekends when my DH isn't here to either do some really practical stuff round the house, catch up with friends or even just have duvet days!

I also do not want my DH ex to think that I do not want to spend time with my DSD just because my DH is not there-I suppose I'm just being very selfish and, as I say, looking forward to some me time.

Sorry if that's a bit long, the question I'm really asking is do you still get your step kids if your DH/DP isn't going to be there?

[chelen]

Hi, it's different in my case as my SS lives here but I would say it depends whether you consider yourself stepmum or dad's girlfriend?

I think if you consider yourself stepmum, if it is a role you want, then might be best to offer her to still come. Otherwise she may think you don't want that direct 1-1 relationship.

I think you can do either, there are all types of stepmum and all ways of doing it, so really it depends what you want to offer. She may of course turn you down anyway!

[flixy102]

I'm married to her dad so definitely step mum! I kinda think maybe she'll want to do her own thing too and spend some time with friends etc which she can't really do at the weekend cos she has to come to ours. Guess I will leave it up to her to decide, just don't want to come across like I'm looking rid of responsibility!

[Purpleroses]

Can you do a bit of a mixture maybe? Agree it should be up to her to decide really at that age. Maybe you could suggest something fun together for one of the weekends, close off a couple of the others (telling her you've got practical things to do/social engagement/etc) and leave the remainder up to her?

[therantingBOM]

I still have DSD (well until recently when everything chnaged)

Her mother always said she needed the break and it was my job to have DSD for him as it was his contact time. I liked it, it kept the routine for everyone and my DD didnt miss her sister. It sometimes grated on the weekends when I wasn't having my own DD yet I had his - but I saw it as part of my role I suppose.

That's not to say you should feel the same.

[theredhen]

Purpleroses idea sounds like a suitable compromise to me. DSD doesn't feel pushed out, but you do still get some me time too.

To be honest, if I was her Mum, I wouldn't expect her to come to you if your DP wasn't there, but if you and her wanted, then I would allow it, but I would be completely understanding if you said you had other things to do.

[glasscompletelybroken]

I think telling her it would still be lovely to see her on those days is a win-win situation for you. The chances are she will want to spend at least some of that time with her friends anyway so you may just have her for a few days. She will be happy you have asked her and so will your DH.