Wills, can anyone advise?

[SquallyRose]

Just trying to sort out our finances and wills, we were considering just getting a DIY pack as our intention was to just leave everything to each other but as my DH has a son by a previous relationship I'm not sure this is the best thing to do and wondered if anyone could help.
SS is 7, we have 2 children and I'm currently pregnant. We rent our home and are mostly on benefits as my DH has serious health issues and I am his full time carer. We pay £5 a week maintenance for SS (it was a lot more when DH was working but on benefits its all we can afford and CSA agree. SS's mother works full time, owns her own house, has very wealthy parents and is in line for a massive inheritance as she is an only child and so is not hard off at all but got CSA involved because she thought she wasn't getting her fair share (we have massive problems with her despite her being the one to leave and me not appearing on the scene til much later and as my DH's illness started with meningitus we were obviously being truthful)
We have a few assets but not much, my DH was a tradesman before his illness and we have a lot of tools still which we've kept in case he is ever well enough to return to work, we also have a joint life insurance policy, in the case of either of us dying it all goes to the other.
My friend told me however that if my DH died SS's mother could claim maintenance from me for her child and that his needs (and her claim) would take precidence over our children, should my DH die our arrangement was that I would sell his tools and work things and divide the money equally between the children (including SS) but that the life insurance money would be mine to provide for our children, pay off any remaining debts etc but could SS's mother claim a chunk of that too or as it would pass directly to me and not be classed as part of his estate would that be safe?
I am not trying to do SS out of anything but his mother is very well off and we, due to my DH's illness are not at all. The money we'd recieve in event of the others death would ensure that our bio children could be well cared for, I obviously would be able to work again too once the baby was old enough too but there are a lot of things to consider and I am worried I could end up not being able to provide for my children simply because SS's mother is a grasping bitch and couldn't care less if me and mine ended up on the streets as long as she got her cut. Any advice would be greatfully recieved

[SquallyRose]

Because despite him being ill we still have sex occasionally and despite being on the pill I fell pregnant, it happens and I am not going to abort a baby just to please the judgemental people out there so now I am dealing with it as best as I can. If you can't say anything helpful about the issue Im asking for help with then please go and find someone else to bitch at, I have enough on my plate without justifying myself to you.

[cheekychubster]

Hi Squally,

I think there is someone in legal that deals with wills so it might be worth a post over there. Have a look through.

Hope it helps

[cheekychubster]

Its mumblechum1 i think you need to contact over in legal.

I'm sure she helps advise and draw up wills professionally. Might need her myself soon!

[ChocHobNob]

Yes, she could apply for a proportion of his life insurance for his son, although I don't think it would take precedent over his other children. They would be equally considered. He should look into setting up another insurance policy to cover maintenance payments or else post on the legal forum like the PP suggested.

[oreocrumbs]

I'm no expert, but it does sound about right that it would be the case that ex would make a claim against your DH's estate to provide for his son.

I don't think you can or should do anything about it. The money would still pass to you, you would then pay maintenence to DSS. Thats just whats fair to his son.

[Petal02]

I think you need to see a solicitor about this.

When DH and I made our wills, he had two children from his first marriage, both under 18. I don?t have children, and there are no other children in the equation. DH and I wanted to leave everything to each other in the event of one of us dying. It turns out that whilst DH?s children are under-18, they have a legal entitlement to receive maintenance payments until they reach 18 (or at least their mother could claim this on their behalf) if DH died.
Our main asset is our home, an d the solicitor warned that the ex could claim against this if DH didn?t make provision in his will to pay maintenance. The solicitor advised that we take out a life insurance policy, with a ?pay out? that would cover those payments, in the event of DH?s death. We took this advice.

We?re now in a position where only one of DH?s children is under-18, and he?ll be 18 this year ? so once his 18th birthday has passed, neither of the children have an legal claim on DH?s estate, although obviously DH and I would both choose to leave a ?gift? to them, but we?re not legally obliged to do so.

So I don?t actually think your DH would have a very big legal obligation towards any of his children ? after all, he can?t leave them what he hasn?t got ? and if he?s only paying £5 per week maintenance and doesn?t own a house or any substantial assets, then there would be nothing to claim against.

But I think it?s very important you get proper advice on this, solicitors are very good at looking at the facts rather than the emotions of such situations, and I?m really pleased DH and I took proper advice.

[SquallyRose]

Ok, thanks very much for the helpful comments, I'll try Legal. Oreocrumbs, its not that I'm trying to get out of him having anything but I want to make sure my children are provided for first as they would only have me, where as his mother can and does support him. Before he became ill he paid a lot of maintenance to her as we've both always felt he should look after the child, he's still his son whatever the mother has and hasn't done. Reality prehaps if you weren't obviously so bitter about your ex you wouldn't be so judgemental. Read carefully please, he was in full time work and was paying well over the recommended amount every month to his ex, this was despite also having top pay serious amounts to the solicitor for legal help in the hugely twisted access case, he also supported me and out 2 children and we had chosen for me to be at home, he could and did support us both.
He then got meningitus and because very ill, I nearly ended up a widow. The health problems he has been left with mean he is unable to work and so our situation is very different and we have had to prioritise and as his son has a mother who is more that capable of providing for him why should our children go without food and a roof over their heads just so we can keep up with previoud payments? What would happen to you if you found yourself seriously ill? Wouldn't you be in the same situation?? We are not supporting the SS because we CAN'T not because we WON'T and I don't work bcause I have to be at home to care for him full time because the extend of his health issues mean he cannot be left alone. And yes I could get a job and emploty someone to look after him but with childcare and a full time carer I'd need to be pulling in about 100k a year and I have no chance. Yes I fell pregnant which has caused a host of issues but we were being very careful and sometimes these things happen, thats why it says on the box they are 99% effective.
I'm sorry if your ex has put you through some shitty stuff but you are being way too judgemental here, we're not running from responsibility life changes out of our control.
And I would never ever call someone grasping because they work for a living!!!! She is a grasping bitch but that has nothing to do with her job at all and everything to do with every other way she has conducted herself since the affair with my DH's best friend broke up and she realised the grass wasn't greener. Not every bloke out there with kids by a previous relationship is that way because they couldn't keep their hands of the buxom secretary.

[ChocHobNob]

I would rather my husband had a policy to pay a chunk on the event of his death than me having to pay "maintenance" every month to my step-child's mother.

[catsmother]

We also have a life policy in place should DP die and his children are actually still children. As time's moved on, this means that if he got run over by a bus tomorrow, the ex would get more of a payout in lieu of child maintenance payments than she would do if he remains alive. I don't care about that - but having the insurance there to stop her doing her level best to hound me is very reassuring. (Huge past history of pathetic spiteful and unnecessary trouble making at every opportunity).

[SquallyRose]

So would it be best to keep the joint one and then have a seperate one in just his name with the SS named as beneficiary? We could do that as long as it was low cost and that would be good if it left the SS covered for but didn't impact on my ability to care for our other children

[flixy102]

I'm really glad that this post came up as I'm in the same position regarding my DH and his DSD. I didn't realise that if he died tomorrow, his ex could claim monthly from me. I have made a promise that if he dies I will make sure that DSD is taken care of financially.
OP, ignore any of the judgemental and unhelpful posters.

[bemybebe]

I am afraid your dh has to make a provision to cover his dc maintenance in the event of the death or there will be the claim on the estate. It is the law and the moral obligation.

I am speaking as a second dw of a man with difficult health history and four dcs.

[mumblechum1]

Hi, my ears were burning on this thread!

OP, if your dh died whilst his first son was still entitled to maintenance, then he (via his mum) could make a claim against your husband's estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Familyand Dependants) Act 1975. Often people will get around this either by taking out lifel policy purely to cover the maintenance obligations, but given that your dh isn't working at the moment, that would probably be an unnecessary expense.

Apart from the maintenance issue, assuming that your dh doesn't die until old age by which time all of the children were grown up, probably the best thing to do in his will would be to appoint you his sole beneficiary, and then on your death, to leave everything to be divided between all of his children. That depends, of course,on your goodwill and not making a will after his death leaving everything to just your children, excluding your stepson.

In cases where there are significant assets and in particular a house, sometimes the parent with a child from an earlier relationship will grant a life interest to the surviving spouse, which means that they can continue to live in the house until they die or remarry, at which point the sale proceeds can be divided between all of the children. Given that you don't own a property at the moment, that could be problematic, but your husband could renew his will if and when you do buy a property if he is concerned that his eldest son would be left out by you.

Hope that's helpful. I have a paid for advert on Classified (small businesses) titled "5* Will Writing Service Recommended by Mumsnetters" if you're interested.

[cheekychubster]

Mumble, can i be cheeky and ask if the same rules apply if the father is not named on the BC.

Dh pays Maintenance for a child he has never met but has always accepted financial responsibilty. Huge back story i'm afraid, very boring!

We have just taken out relatively large insurance policies to protect DCs in the future one who has C.P and LD is our main concern.

Sorry Squally thought i'd have a mini hijack

[SquallyRose]

No worries Cheeky :)
Thanks very much for all this, its only really a problem while the children are still small and we are providing for them, once the children are grown up we have agreed we would split anything we had between all the children with the surviving party staying in the home until they had no need for it (if by then we were back on the property ladder!), I'm really trying to make sure that I am left with enough to support my children until they are of age, although obviously if circumstances changed and SS came to live with us I would then want to be able to provide for all of them!
Looking into a few basic quotes we could get a policy for 20k for £5 a month which we could stretch to, that would just be for 5 years but after 5 years our situation wil hopefully be different, I am doing an open univeristy degree at the minute along with everything else and once the children are all at school I could probably afford a carer for him and still be better off financially with my hopefully accelerated earnings! Or he could have improved, there's no telling either way at the minute.
Looking at the £5 a week we currently pay that would be just under £3k if we continued to pay that until he's 18 so if we took a policy out for 20k and named him in the will for that amount as maintenance that should more than cover us unless when my OH died we were significantly better off shouldn't it? We have some money in savings for him (about 4k) that we'd saved before all this and his mother agreed we'd keep it for him til he's 18 as she agreed she more than manages financially (if she was struggling we would have given her that towards bills etc) so that would pass to him on his birthday too, there is no way I could afford to pay court fees if she decided to cause a fuss so I want to make sure everything is dotted properly.
Thanks Flixy for the support too, I have also promised DH I would do my best for SS but understand problems could arise if his mother decided she was entitled to more than I was offering (which she would!)

[mumblechum1]

Cheeky, if he's always paid maintenance then unfortunately I think any claim by that child could well be successful - is there anyway at all you could get a DNA test done or would that be a can of worms?

[oreocrumbs]

I wasn't trying to have a dig OP just saying my understanding of how the situation works . Again I don't know but its worth checking what your situation is, if after his death you are in a different financial situation (which you would be after the policy is paid out), how that effects the amount that could be claimed for DSS, in which case a policy alowing £5 pw wouldn't cover it IYSWIM?
Its so complicated, and my only knowlege of wills etc is limited to my fathers death which was horribly complicated, took 5years to clear and I am responsible for providing a house to my fathers gf of 4 months untill her daughter (who is not my fathers) is 18! Also I had to pay her solicitors fees, she put in a claim against the estate, could employ her own solicitor (who was £650 + vat at the time) and I got to pick up the bil
You really need some expert advice, as do I, I'm trying to sort out my will which will be very complicated hence its not done yet!

[SquallyRose]

Oreo that sounds awful! Gf of 4 months!!! Its mad what a good solicitor can get you!! I know legal advice would be best I'm just obviously going to struggle to pay too much so thought if I got some advice here I'd be able to make the most of the appointment and hopefully get it wrapped up as quickly (and cheaply) as possible!
The other thing we need to check is that my DH's condition doesn't mean she could try and contest the will based on him being unfit to make it which is another minefield as he'd then need to get a solicitor to appoint me to make decisions in the event he was incapacitated! 20k would give her 175 a month if DH died in 3 months as SS is nearly 8 and it would go up with every year he got older so a lot more than she currently gets but yes, things would be a lot better financially if he died so thats another question for a solicitor that I hadn't thought of! All this help is great thanks and I'm getting a great list of questions :)

[oreocrumbs]

There are companies that make your will for a donation to charity, I've heard it mentioned a few times on here, and when I was in york a while ago I passed a solicitors with a sign in the window. I don't think they do it all the time but have a look out for it, again I'm not sure but I think you make a donation that you can afford rather than the amount you would have to pay the solicitor, therefore people who can't afford these services in normal circumstances can get a will and the charilty gets some money.

In the grand scheme of things your wills won't be complicated (in the general sense compared to people who have businesses, properties, trust funds, investments etc) so I would think you would qualify.

And even if you can't tie up the money in the way you first thought then at least you know where you stand and what you face.

[SquallyRose]

Thanks for that, I had never even heard of that idea but well worth looking into. Thats what I really want, to know exactly what me and my dependants will have to live on and know that I can survive on that until I am a position to earn enough to support us (and him because when I first met DH and he was just starting his business

[SquallyRose]

I paid his maintenance out of my wages which I am not legally requited to do but neither of us felt happy about us having the money and not giving to support him so if I am earning enough at some point I would be happy to do the same again)
If I can get it all sorted and know she hasn' a case to make but DH's son is still provided for I'll be much happier!
Good luck with your will too and thanks again

[cheekychubster]

Oreo- what an awful position to be in.

Mumble- Dh didnt dispute parentage when CSA first became involved (straight after birth) which was his only chance via them to do it. At that point he hoped that she would allow contact in time and didnt want to rock the boat.

Unless things have changed i think he would now have to apply to the court for DNA and PR and we just dont have the money to do anything now i have given up work to care for DS who coincidently to Squally also had meningitis after prem birth

Its one big mess tbh, even more so now that ex has popped up after 7 years and announced that DSS has severe behavioural probs and wants DH to pick up the role of Dad even though they have never met and DSS calls someone else Dad

Think we will need legal advice about all of it when some spare money pops up!

I have to admit, the thought of me having to take financial responsibility if anything happened to DH doesnt sit well so this is definately something we need to talk about.

Squally- thanks again for permission to hijack

[SquallyRose]

Cheeky that sounds like a right tangled mess, so sorry to hear of your experiences with meningitus too, so many people realise its a nasty thing but don't seem to realise there are serious long term issues too.
You could maybe see if you could arrange a free half hour chat with a solicitor re your DH's son, they can often point you in some really helpful directions even if you only store the advice up for a later date, unfortunately due to long and drawn out access battles I'm only too familiar with the legal process, theres also Legal Aid if you qualify too?
Would think it would hardly be helpful to a DSS with behavioural problems to suddenly introduce a new dad though and not fun for you or your OH :(
Best of luck with everything and I really hope you can get something sorted