Help ..Son and new Boyfriend problem..sorry its a long one

[Kaismum1]

Hi Everyone,

I have a son who is 8 and me and his dad split and divorced 6yrs ago, until 9mnths ago i was very happy being single, so was just me and kai for all that time. I have now have my boyf in my life, which is great as he makes me happy etc .....but my son hates him and they bicker all the time.

I should point out my sons dad is very active in his life and my son adores him.

My boyf gets upset as my son does not want to do anything with him, ask him questions or genrally talk to him. Ive tried to explain to my boyf to be paitent and that my son needs time to adjust and coming from a broken home myself i understand how my son feels and he wont out of principle make a effort to get to know him etc as this is what me and my sister where like with my step dad. I have left them alone a few times when i have gone to work or ive gone shopping to try and help them bond but this does not seem to help.

I constantly feel like im piggy in the middle either trying to defend my son actions or telling him off for being rude and having a attitude with my boyf or trying to get my son to see the good side of my boyf and give him a chance or arguing with my boyf as i think sometimes he could let some things drop for example he got cross with me cos i moved up on the sofa to allow my son to sit next to me instead of making him sit inbetween me and my boyf.

I feel like my head is going to expolde some days and am dreading fights over xmas.

This is all to us all and dont really know how i should be handling it. advice please

[PurplePidjInAPearTree]

Does your son think that your boyfriend is going to be his "new daddy" and try to replace the old one?

[Fooso]

It is a time of adjustment for your son. I was in a similar situation, just me and my boy for 7 years on our own, a really close relationship and then I met my partner. It takes time - your partner needs to be the adult though and try not to "argue" with your son, who is still very young. Have a chat with your son and tell him how important it is to you that they get along. I think your partner needs to take the higher ground. It's been your little boy's territory for a long time - and he's not going to give it up too easily.

[balia]

I'd calm things down a bit - go out with the bf or have him over when DS is with his Dad. If he isn't normally rude/naughty then he is obviously struggling to cope and needs a lot of reassurance. Does your bf have any experience of children? I'd be very concerned about a bloke who couldn't empathise with a child and be patient - you shouldn't need to 'defend' your child's actions, surely?

[Kaismum1]

Thanks everyone, purple pid he did think that at the start but ive explained to him in no way shape or form does by boyf want to be his dad he just wants to be friends and he seems to understand that.

fooso and balia ive had a discussion with my boyf and he is going to hold his tounge and not bicker with my son. it is very hard as my son has a smart mouth and acts alot older then his 8yrs, has the attitude of a teenager which is quite hard to handle. My boyf has a small amount of experince but all the kids hes been around there has been no dads involved so a completly diffrent situation for him, i suppose the is adjustment all round.

thanks everyone and happy christmas :)