This is childish - right?

[theredhen]

To just clear off out one evening without telling DP where I am going and how long I will be gone for. He will worry and it would be completely out of character for me as he always knows my every move as I always keep him informed and consult him on everyday stuff.

Despite having booked counselling (long waiting list), written my issues down on paper, had several heated discussions, he still pretends to not doesn't understand where I am coming from with the fact that I never know what is happening in my home on a day to basis.

It seems to me that I need to show him where I am coming from, as talking is just "yada yada" to him, so maybe not letting him know what I'm doing would bring the point home although it would really worry him.

[brdgrl]

first off - hang in there! we had a long wait ing list for the counselling too...so frustrating!

secondly - childish? or simply speaking his language? maybe you should not do it deliberately to spite him - but if you think a carefully applied illustration would help him see things from your side - might be worth a try!

[theredhen]

Really don't want to play games but am sick of earwigging on his conversations with random people hoping to glean some information, overhearing conversations between the kids and I even found myself wondering if the cleaner knew more than me about the arrangements in my house last week and she would let me know!

Bloody ridiculous and shows his complete lack of respect as far as I am concerned. What's so daft is he tells me the minutist little details of his work day but nothing about what is going on at home, MY home, as he seems to conveniently forget!

[SingingTunelessly]

Problem is redhen that you would have to let DS know where you were wouldn't you? I do totally get your frustration btw. I am still struggling with this one. Recently found out that DSD(20) is moving back in with us ....... errr a little consultation would have been well, lovely..... and no DH that's not because I want to stop you seeing your adult daughter. FFS. and

[theredhen]

I will either take ds with me or disappear when ds not here. Would have done it tonight but we've had another row instead. But how many bloody times can you keep talking about the same thing?

[theredhen]

Singing, I would be very upset at not bring told an adult child was moving back in! I have no idea why some men are so inconsiderate.

[Fooso]

my dp and I had a massive row over the stepkids coming to live with us and his lack of consideration for me in all this... it was brewing and blew up. I went to my mum's and text him to say I wanted a break and even gave him suggestions as to where he should go to (it's my house by the way).. well that did the trick.. It wasn't planned.. but I backed him into a corner and he had to think about this behaviour - sometimes with men you have to take drastic action for them to actually get it! btw I meant it..

[planetpotty]

I know I really shouldnt laugh but MJ thats briliant (ok not for DH) keeping that one in the back pocket for just such an occasion!

OP try writing him a letter when I cant get my point accross or keep getting talked over I find this works.....make sure gets shredded/ripped up after though.

[theredhen]

planetpotty,

I have tried writing it all down in a non confrontational and non emotional way but nothing had changed. He has said he is sorry and will try harder from now on, however, he also said that he has been trying his hardest and I'm impossible to please and I am the one who is unreasonable.

The next time it happens (which I have no doubt it will) I will choose my day and clear off without letting him know.

I always say that kids need boundaries and consequences (with relevant warning) and that nagging, telling off and shouting are fairly fruitless and pointless (guess which parenting style DP chooses?). I am starting to think that men are the same!