Issues with new family, advice / help appreciated!

[maybemydear]

Hello, I'm new here and have joined to get some advice and sanity! This may be a little long sorry!

A bit of background information, I've recently married and with no children myself. My DH has got five sons, the youngest been 25. There has been some 'culture clash', I've recently moved from "daaahn saaaf" as they say up to Hartlepool, my background is throughly middle class, university education, career etc. My husband is thoroughly working class, very traditional male family orientated northerner.

The first four of his sons, my stepsons I suppose, we bump along quite nicely. The last is where I have some problems, and this is where my problem is. Due to my DH birthday all five and their respective partners are all staying in a two bedroomed house, I am extremely small and all of the boys are around 6'5, it's very squashed!

The youngest has very high functioning AS, he is very 'normal' in most ways except his temper, he has a fiancee who is currently pregnant. They grew up on the same road as children and are childhood sweethearts and he absolutely worships the ground that she walks on, and vice versa. He is extremely possessive and protective of her in a thoroughly single minded way and will not tolerate anybody upsetting her.

I know that I was very unreasonable, tempers had been fraying all week and after coming in from a particularly horrendous shift I noticed that she had left a mug down by her on the floor. I am ashamed to say that I shouted, that escalated into a huge argument. SS 5 comes through the door from a ten hour shift of manual labour and goes crazy. Everyone else comes running in, SS5 partner is crying from being tired and stressed and it all just disintegrates.

That was last night and now where do I go from now? I've only been married for three months and now I've gone an potentially ruined my relationship with my SS5, my husband is extremely angry at me. SS5 fiancees parents are angry at me and SS5 is so angry I don't like to think of it. Anybody have any experience with this? I know I was wrong, how to deal with adult stepchildren, and one who has AS? I'm lost. :(

[glasscompletelybroken]

You're a human being and you had a human reaction to a very stressful situation.
You have moved away from your home to be with your DH and his family are a very big part of your new life that you have to adapt to. This is really big stuff to deal with.
I think all the people who are "angry" at you need to take a step back and try and put themselves in your shoes. They are all adults and should be able to show a bit of understanding of your situation.
Don't be hard on yourself and don't let them be hard on you.
You may feel as if you over-reacted and made a mistake but don't be ashamed.
If I was you I would say to all those involved that you overeacted and are sorry to have upset them.
I think they have massively over reacted too and should apologise in return but they probably won't! Just give your (brief) apology and then put it behind you. You will have opportunities for more positive encounters which will put this one in the past where it now belongs.