Jealousy - how do you combat it?

[sassaby]

Hi

I have a stepdaughter of 8, I have been with her father since she was 41/2 but she still displays bouts of jealousy despite the amount of time she spends with us. She is very clingy with my other half and if we are alone say in the kitchen she will follow us. If he sits next to me on the couch she comes over and wedges her way on to his knee. I have told her that her daddy is still here and is not about to run away and all the other usual things you say to distressed children (though I want to point out she doesnt cry or throw tantrums she just stares at him and me when we discuss it with her).
I am expecting my first child in December which she is unaware of yet but although I want her to be a big part of the babies life I dont want it to become an us and them situation when she is with us as it is already a them and me situation at the moment.
When she is here she is treated well, and has a lot more structure than she has with mum (mum is a student so has little time at the moment). I allow them time alone together and get involved in activities so I dont know what else I can do to try to combat this behaviour.

Any advice?

[RhiRhi123]

Hi sassaby, I'm in the same boat have DSS 10 and have a baby due in 2 weeks. I don't really have any advice as DSS is the same very clingy talks over me when im talking to DH etc etc just wanted to say ur not alone. I tend to try and do my own thing to distance myself from it i find it helps a bit. I just try and remind myself its not every day. just wanted to say ur not alone and am also interested in others advice.

[sassaby]

thanks rhirhi it does help that im not the only one going through this. I have spoken to my friends about it and they think i should leave the conversation until after i have the baby - hopefully by then she will have matured a bit more and she may want to be more part of my life and the babies...lets hope.

good luck with the baby rhi xx

[amberleaf]

That sounds more like insecurity than jealousy tbh.

Perfectly normal too i think given the circumstances, how many days a week does she spend with you?

[sassaby]

yeah amber you could be right we have her weekends and holidays, i personally think she needs to be with her mum more as she seems to get clingy when shes been with us a few days

[RhiRhi123]

Thanks Sassaby good luck to you too :)