Am I being unreasonable?

[Petal02]

This weekend is an access weekend. DH is at work this morning, SS16 has gone with him. We had planned that DH and I would go into town this afternoon, just the two of us, as I need to choose some new glasses frames. No big deal.

DH has just phoned, and said that SS16 is coming into town with us. (Heart sinks). So I say, well if you two want to go into town together, then that's fine, I've got plenty of stuff to do round the house. Husband says "but I thought you wanted new glasses", I said "yes, but it can wait til next weekend." Husband says "what's made you change your mind", I reply "you've just said you're now going into town with SS16." Husband says "but can't we all go together?" I say "no, I'll carry on with my housework."

Husband not happy with me. I know exactly what he wants - he wants us all to go into town, as a family. Nothing wrong with that in theory, but SS is nearly 17 !!!! Not only did I want a few hours of quality time with DH (yes, even on an access weekend, aren't I a selfish cow) but I don't want to have a 6ft lump trailing round opticians with us. Also, I'm not in the mood for playing gooseberry, cos that's what it would be.

There's just something so wrong about a child (?) of nearly 17 who wants to follow his father and stepmother round choosing glasses on a Saturday afternoon. Is it just me? Does anyone else get where I'm coming from? This just feels wrong at so many levels. I'm not trying to stop husband from seeing his son, I've simply opted out of the trip once I learnt it was going to be a goonfest (to put it bluntly).

The week before Christmas, we were heading out to buy more tree decorations, when SS16 decided he wanted to come too. So I opted out. Husband didn't get it. Please tell me that some of you can understand my stance.

AIBU?

[coldtits]

Your being a selfish baby. YABU.

Access weekend means children, not leaving them at home because your wife dislikes them.

[TrollyMcTrollPants]

Maybe your SS is trying to be a part of your family? Maybe if you tried to see him as a person instead of a "6ft lump" spending time with him would be more enjoyable.

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

Why don't you like him? or is that not how you meant it to come across?

Just because he's 16 doesn't mean he doesn't want to do things as a family

There is nothing 'unantural' about it. And what's with the 'goonfest' and 'big lump' - why such negative language?

[thegrudge]

YABU. Being a 17 yo lump doesn't mean you have to drink cider in the park to the exclusion of all else. He probably sees it as spending time with his family rather than following you around. Why on earth did you opt out of buying Christmas decorations?

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

Why wouldn't a 16 year old want to choose tree decorations? It sounds like fun and a very family-orientated activity.

Can't believe you didn't go.

I'm starting not to believe this.

[thegrudge]

I could see your point if it was a candlelit meal or something but going to town on a Sat afternoon or buying Christmas decorations are normal family things.

[amberleaf]

You are being incredibly unreasonable.

[Petal02]

I have several friends with teenage sons, and their boys simply don't behave like this. Hence my post.

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

You're being an idiot, all teenage boys don't behave like an amorphous mass

They are individuals like you.

Maybe because his parents have split up he feels he wants to fully join in when he sees his dad. Maybe he likes you (fuck knows why).

You still haven't said why you are so negative about him?

Are you jealous?

[usualsuspect]

YABU

[Petal02]

Why do I feel so negative? Because he's 16 going on 8. my friends teenage sons are nothing like this, I have three brothers who all had friends, sport, interests etc at age 16, and my work involves teenagers, none of which are so dependent.

[bambiandthumper]

Maybe he wants to spend tim with his father?
You are being ridiculous and acting like an 8 year old.

[bambiandthumper]

*time

[Petal02]

We can't usually even go to Tesco unless he comes along too. I find this bizarre.

[Rindercella]

You asked if YABU, albeit in the step-parent topic so I think you are going to really get it in the neck for your post.

You are being so totally, unbelievably fucking unreasonable it defies, err, belief.

Your DH should be proud that his DS wants to spend time with him and not just lounge around or hang about with his mates. I think that's a nice thing to do. My own DSS always used to come to town with us (he's now 20). I would never, ever have objected. Oh, and DSS used to stay with us every weekend, not just every other w/end.

You were only going to get your eyes checked ffs, not some romantic meal for two. You sound like a spoilt child tbh.

[Rindercella]

Maybe he wants to use the time with his Dad with his Dad?

If he has any sense of how you feel about him and how jealous you are of him it must take a lot of guts for him to even go to your house, let alone ask his Dad to go out with you.

[nufsed]

YABvvU. I know many people with SC who would love them to want to be involved in family type activities but they just want to sit in front of the tv/wee/xbox and not interact.

Your DH is blessed with a DS who wants to do things together, yet you seem to want to exclude him.

Also please don't compare him with your friend's teenagers, you probably aren't seeing them during the limited time they spend with their father.

If your DH is so D to you try to start supporting his relationship with his DS.

[pissedrightoff]

Very unreasonable IMO.
You sound as if you really don't like your step-son, I can understand your DH being upset.
How would you feel if he reacted to your child like this?

[NeedsAGoodSeeingTo]

You find it weird that a 16 year old wants to be with his Dad sometimes?? I find it weird that you feel DH belongs to you alone and won't "share" him with his own son!

MOST 16 year old's are happy to be with their parents round' town...it may mean a treat...or a lunch out...God forbid that you should SHARE your DH withhis child!
YABVVVU

[LaurieFairyonthetreeEatsCake]

Going shopping with dad is not a sign of 'dependence'.

I can't believe you work with teenagers, you have zero empathy.

His parents aren't together, he has limited time with his dad - maybe he just wants to spend every minute with him when he has him.

And maybe he's doing sports and x-box games when he's at home with his mates.

If we're going on the information you've given us you sound terribly unreasonable and jealous of their 'close' relationship.

[whydobirdssuddenlyappear]

Perhaps your SS wants to spend a bit more time with you as well as your DH. Why don't you go into town with them both, let your DH and DSS go and do something while you choose some frames, then all meet up and have a coffee or something.
16 yos are fragile creatures. Try not to push him away.

[MommyMayhem]

OMG, what a horrible person you are. The poor kid just wants to spend some quality time with his Dad.

[Petal02]

Some of the teenagers I work with are disabled, and even though life has presented them with some real challenges, they all want spread their wings a little, push a few boundaries and experience life. So when I come home to find the complete opposite in an able-bodied teenager of the same age, I struggle with it.