Maleficent's Guide To Step Parenting

(246 Posts)
WhatWouldMaleficentDo Tue 25-Jan-11 09:39:03

Dear Reader,

I have been much maligned as a step-mother over the years and so misrepresented, even I sometimes wonder what is truth and fiction. The sad fact is that people will always believe the child over the step-mother, no matter how outrageous the story and accusations.

Take my step child, Snow White. Ran off and shacked up with 12 men in a squat. Doing so many drugs she thought she could speak to animals FFS. (Lets face it, she didn't get called "snow white" for no reason IYSWIM.) I rescue her from herself with an intervention and a stay at the Priory and what do I hear back? Magic Mirrors, wood cutters and poisoned apples! And people believed her. hmm

However, I know now where I went wrong and look back on those times thinking "If only I had had someone to show me the way". So here it is, dear step mothers. The Mumsnet Guide to being a stepmother. Instead of worrying, just ask "What would Maleficent Do?" and follow these 12 steps to become the perfect Mumsnet Step Parent.

All of the following advice has been given to step parents in one form or another on Mumsnet discussions.

1. You may call yourselves step mothers, because that is what you are.

2. It's wrong to refer to yourself as mother in any form as it detracts from a child's real mother.

3. You should not try to be a mother to a step-child as they already have one.

4. If you don't act motherly you are rejecting the child and this can damage them and cause emotional problems later in life.

5. It is OK to think your own child and the children of your friends and the children at your child's school are horrible.

6. Your DH or DP's Children aren't horrible it is you making them that way as they can sense that you don't like them.

7. You must not declare that you love your stepchild or expect your step child to love you as that is not natural and they already have a mum.

8. You should automatically love your step children and if you can't you are bad and should leave your DH / DP.

9. If the children live with their mum, you should never change any payments of maintenance as it is unfair on the child.

10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

11. You should not distance yourself from your step children as they will sense this and it will make them feel unwelcome.

12. As an adult its up to you to put your emotions to one side and distance them from your step children as showing how you feel will make them feel unwelcome.

You know. Reading this back, I think I can summarise this so much better.

1. Damned if you do.
2. Damned if you don't.

Now, off you go and get back to being Man Eating, Child Stealing Whores wink

Love,

Maleficent x

mjovertherainbow Tue 25-Jan-11 09:45:54

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Tue 25-Jan-11 09:47:34

Message withdrawn

WildistheWind Tue 25-Jan-11 09:49:09

shock

<wipes desk>

grin

wendihouse22 Tue 25-Jan-11 10:00:04

Yes, this is my life!

Can I add one?

"Never, ever "agree" with your DH that one of his children has behaved badly. Even though you have been looked to for an acknowledgement of this".

My youngest "step" is 17. She ignores me, does the same to her dad, looks utterly utterly pissed off that she has to visit, wants for nothing. When her lack of "whatever" has caused her dad to display that wounded look I hate to see (because HE IS A GOOD FATHER) and I make the appropriate comment.......... IT IS NEVER THE CORRECT THING TO SAY.

Anyone else?

SMummyS Tue 25-Jan-11 10:13:59

Hahaha that's ace and very very true!!

SudalivefromHMP Tue 25-Jan-11 10:20:21

Yes WENDY

If your SS walks past you in the lounge in the house you are half paying for and cleaning, cooking and washing in for all the occupants including SS - and totally blanks you on his way out - and then your DH arrives home from dropping your grandchild off at your daughters and comments that your daughter was a bit ignorant - DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES POINT OUT THE IRONY IN THAT AND GENTLY SUGGEST HIS SON IS A TAD IGNORANT AT TIMES. TRUST ME THERE WILL BE EXTENUATING CIRCUMSTANCES TO HIS SONS IGNORANCE.

SudalivefromHMP Tue 25-Jan-11 10:27:27

Oh and WENDY - an antidote to the 'I can say things about my kids but you cant - or even nod in agreement' - syndrome. ! - sorry that needs work - needs to be more snappy and catchy grin.

What I do now is stop DH in his tracks - the second he starts to moan about his son - 'I'M NOT INTERESTED - I'M NOT ALLOWED TO COMMENT - SO DONT TELL ME ABOUT IT'

Infuriates DH no end. Does it change him though ?





...er....... that'll be a NO

wendihouse22 Tue 25-Jan-11 10:47:24

Ah, to know we are not alone, after all!

Suda...? You're not really doing time are you? You're quite a legend on MN, I believe?

rolandweary Tue 25-Jan-11 10:49:01

the first three are fine confused

mjovertherainbow Tue 25-Jan-11 10:56:15

Message withdrawn

cobbledtogether Tue 25-Jan-11 10:59:14

...and 5 & 6, and 6 & 7 and so on.

Its about how the 'advice' given to SPs contradicts itself on a daily basis. Tongue firmly in cheek.

SudalivefromHMP Tue 25-Jan-11 11:14:31

No - not yet WENDI smile

theredhen Tue 25-Jan-11 12:29:40

Having 4 kids ignoring you / talking about your home as "Dad's home" / leaving stuff all over floor for you to pick up / stealing from your home / lying to you / DP / each other / constantly listening to them telling you how much better they are / their school is / their Mum is etc. / making demands instead of asking nicely / screaming when they can't get their own way / being left for hours at a time with step children while DP works or runs other child around / either listening to incessant whinging when given a chore or simply completely ignored / not giving you a minutes peace from 6am to 10pm and you have to smile and agree with DP about what lovely step children you have.

If DS asks to finish something on X box however, he is the devil child and should be reprimanded severely and when DP mentions 3 times that he will switch off his game in the future to "get him back", I am supposed to agree what a good idea this is.

Can you tell I am looking forward to the weekend? Not! grin

SudalivefromHMP Tue 25-Jan-11 12:38:42

Yes - keep laughing REDHEN - I'm sure eventually the nice men will come and take you away too. grin

Just think we might end up in neighbouring cells rooms.

RealityIsKnockedUp Tue 25-Jan-11 12:40:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cobbledtogether Tue 25-Jan-11 14:17:22

Thanks Reality - love Gaiman and that is deliciously dark!

slimbo Tue 25-Jan-11 14:54:44

PMSL

I'll be following that guide to the letter.

After all, we knew what we were letting ourselve in for when we met a man with children grin

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 16:54:25

Can I add some advice I have received from MN:
1 - never expect any extra money from your ex for your child because it is now your new partners job as step-parent to provide for you and said child because that is what he signed up for when you all moved in together.
2 - always graciously encourage your new partner to pay extra maintanence to his ex because she is the one carrying the burden of the childcare and if he doesnt pay up it is only their child who will suffer.

Thank god that dad's are all bottomless pits of money hey confused

rolandweary Tue 25-Jan-11 16:56:12

I don't think 1 and 2 contradict each other

I have never seen anyone on MN (or anywhere else) object to the term "stepmother", if the woman in question is married to the father

referring to yourself as a "mother" is rather different and does cross a line

not complicated hmm

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 16:57:31

Oh yes and even though you spend every saturday ferrying your DSD to and from dance classes while her mother enjoys 'me time' don't think for a second that you are allowed to receive any praise or display any outward pride when the child performs their yearly show, showasing skills gained through aformentioned classes.

It's her mother's chance for some glory as she created her after all.

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:00:03

roland I think Mal was refering to when your not allowed to consider yourself a step mother until you're married. A lot of the time you have no intention of getting married because its not something you're in to but may have been in the child's life as a mother-type-figure for years.

Is it my 1 & 2 that you don't think contradict each other, or OP?

rolandweary Tue 25-Jan-11 17:02:25

I meant the OP

if not married, I think Dad's girlfriend is appropriate

Junction3 Tue 25-Jan-11 17:02:39

Isn't the point that even with step attached to mother, it's "not allowed". I think lots of us have been referred to in less than complimentary terms by the ex. I was either "her" or "that fat cow" for a long time grin.

I love the summary, but can I add:

Damned if you do
Damned if you don't
And if neither applies something that you've never done or would do will be fabricated so you can be damned

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:08:28

I actually think 'Dad's girlfriend' is a bit rude. Depending on the circumstance of course but in my case I am not married to DP but I've been here for 3 years and we have DSD 3 weekday nights a week and 3 out of every 4 weekend days/nights so I would like to be able to at least be refered to as 'step-mum'

However, I am 'the new girlfriend' said with a sneer... es 'new' after threee years...

rolandweary Tue 25-Jan-11 17:12:55

Dad's partner, then, if that is what you are

I don't see why you need to insist on a term containing "mother" - that isn't what you are, however wonderful you may be. If an aunt or grandparent or family friend or teacher did lots of caring/supporting of a child, you wouldn't expect them to change their title in recognition of it. It's largely pugnacious pedantry IMO.

Junction3 Tue 25-Jan-11 17:17:26

I don't understand, why does that change when you get married?

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:20:09

Maybe steer clear of the step-parents board roland.

A grandparent already has a special name. A family friend probably doesnt do as much care as I, for example, do. If a family friend really did begin to take on 70% of the child's care I would actually expect them to me given a special name.. 'aunty' maybe.

It is in fact you that is being pedantic by deciding that it is not actually until you marry someone's dad that you become a step mother.

rolandweary Tue 25-Jan-11 17:24:19

No, I'll post wherever I like thanks

I have had family friends and teachers do more for me than my parents would have done in a million years. I think it is bizarre to demand a title for this. I think in most cases this argument about titles is just a displacement for the wider issue of resentments and feeling undervalued

but no, you shouldn't be called "mother", because you aren't.

WildistheWind Tue 25-Jan-11 17:26:15

roland- you really don't get the OP do you ?

<shakes head>

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:31:52

Post wherever you like, yes.

The advice to stay away was for your own good, I didn't want you getting all worked up over something you clearly have no vested interest in.

If I was hanging out on 'in the dog house' posting about incontinant poodles I would want someone to sidle over to me and tell me I should really direct my energy else where as I have no dog.

I wouldn't really want to upset any pooch lovers looking for support and kindness with my misguided and ill researched opinions. That's jst methough. Post away if you ave the time on your hands.

I'm however logging off as having finished a 10 hour working day, I have to fetch someone else's child from her child-minder and bring her back to my house to feed her, help her with her homework, talk to her about boy problems and then get her off to bed. Tarra.

mjovertherainbow Tue 25-Jan-11 17:33:55

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Tue 25-Jan-11 17:38:30

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LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:38:32

No MJ, you should have still done all those wonderful things for your DBS... but so shouldnt have expected any special title for it. For goodness sake, you limelight craving old bat wink

wendihouse22 Tue 25-Jan-11 17:41:58

roland.....I really don't wish to be described as my steps "mother". If they were mine, I wouldn't have them behave as they (well, one of them really) do.

theredhen......God, I wish you'd leave. It sounds horrendous. Poor you.

bratnav Tue 25-Jan-11 17:52:17

Message deleted

bratnav Tue 25-Jan-11 17:54:07

Message deleted

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 17:57:59

It wasnt crap bratnav. It was eloquent and made me think 'how nice' and I wish that we could agree with DSD's mther that when she's here she's ours!

Good as in DSD being ours... not her mum... jesus that would be appauling!

Abip Tue 25-Jan-11 18:05:29

Oh brilliant op... May I add?

Do not complain when your dss treats the house as a hotel and ignores you as this is simply you and you should not feel it is your home when you pay for half of it.

You are a wicked cow and obviously have a vendetta and we should ignore his ignorant behaviour and you should not have feelings.

But of course.... Your children must be disciplined and given boundaries.

The classic the other day was my six year old actually referring to dss as a lazy teenager. My ds actually believes this is a status as is child and adult.!!! But there is nooooo problem confused

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 18:08:15

And if there is a problem abip it is only at your house that it occurs and this is due to our slovenly parenting as no doubt your DSS is the image of perfect behaviour and courtesy at his real mums house? or so she'll have you beleive

bratnav Tue 25-Jan-11 18:10:32

Message deleted

Abip Tue 25-Jan-11 18:12:56

OOOHHHH of COURSE LT.

Played him at his own game though recently.... His nan came over as DP was in hospital and was courteous and did everything that was asked of him confused

Still no job, no prospects, and is not even helping even though his dad still only has the use of one arm sad

WhatWouldMaleficentDo Tue 25-Jan-11 18:52:32

Good evening all.

I see someone has not understood the post and has even contributed a passive aggressive smiley to the proceedings.

<shakes head and prepares the printer and stapler>

Now, what would Maleficent do in these circumstances? Well, Maleficent will obviously sit the poster down on a comfy chair, take their hand in theirs and pat it gently while explaining the post.

Now dearie, when the OP says that its "wrong to us the word mother in any form" that includes "step mother" for yes, that is covered by the term "use of mother in any form". Its the ANY you see, it makes it mean any form and step mother is a form of mother. It includes the MOTHER word. Therefore "You may call yourself step mother" and "Its wrong to refer to yourself as mother in any form" do actually contradict each other.

Now I've explained that, would you like to choose a shiney red apple from my lovely basket and take a walk in the woods with my grounds keeper?

WildistheWind Tue 25-Jan-11 18:59:24

PMSL at Passive Agressive Smiley-

Goes well with PA Furniture range

LadyTremaine Tue 25-Jan-11 20:56:38

Haha also at passive aggressive smiley.

pleasechange Tue 25-Jan-11 21:23:40

LadyTremaine pmsl at 'incontinent poodles' grin

theredhen Tue 25-Jan-11 21:29:03

I like this thread. smile.

Roland, a name is just a name, some step parents do very little for their step children, others do far more than their natural parents. I think for ease of use on these and other forums, we use the term step mother and step father, I don't know why this seems to cause such debate. confused.

I would like to add another point.

1. Your own child must blend seamlessly with step children, do nothing when step children aren't around, in case step children feel left out and generally put their lives on hold until step children arrive again.

2. Step children must not contact other child, while with their Mum and must dismiss him/her/them from their minds completely and do lots of fun stuff with Mum and tell resident child all about it next time they see them.

WildistheWind Tue 25-Jan-11 21:30:14

redhen- quite !

mjovertherainbow Wed 26-Jan-11 00:02:03

Message withdrawn

singleproudmum Wed 26-Jan-11 00:49:55

I totally agree with your comments Roland!.
To me, many of the other poster's on here certainly don't deserve the title 'step mother'.
How dare you expect to come into these children's lives and think that you have the right to demand this title?.

By reading these posts its so obvious many of you only look after these kids out of duty, and are probably jealous of the relationships these kids have with their dad's.

If you want to be known as a 'step mum' then surely you should earn that right?. No one expects you to love another woman's children but you must treat them with respect and not come on forums like this moaning because you have to look after them etc!.

Some of you just sound completely jealous that your partner has a past. Sorry to say but you knew the score before you got with him so, basically, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen!!!

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 07:23:51

Yawn

catsmother Wed 26-Jan-11 07:39:21

Grrrrr ..... one thing I can't stand is the "you knew what you were letting yourself in for" brigade - I knew they'd show up sooner or later !

1st - this forum isn't just about step children - it's for any problems related to living in a step situation .... and that includes issues with your partner's ex, financial problems and concerns (of all sorts) about all the children involved in the so-called blended family.

Thing is .... no-one has a crystal ball and many of us have entered into relationships in all good faith after lots of thought, only to have the goal posts moved considerably after we commit ourselves. Believe me - some of the nastier human behaviour I've witnessed (from both adults and children) has been something I could never have imagined in a million years, because it was completely out of the scope of my personal experience (unless you include "Shameless" - and that's supposed to be fiction right ?). Does anyone still really believe that you'd willingly choose to enter a situation where you knew that you'd be a second class citizen in your own home, where major decisions which affect yours and your children's lives would often be made without any consultation, where you'd be harassed, threatened, emotionally blackmailed, insulted, and lied about on a regular basis, where all the "normal" rules of parenting (even when you'd previously "agreed" them) are constantly thrown out of the window, where an ex of many many years standing still has such a huge influence over your partner, where situations are regularly created through spite wasting time and money etc etc etc ???!!!

In any case ..... why the effing hell should the appalling and (in most other areas of the society we live in) completely unacceptable behaviour of others be deemed "okay" simply because the perpetrator(s) is an ex wife or a step child ? Why does that status effectively grant them a "get out of jail free card" where they rarely - if ever - have to face any consequences for their actions ? Saying "you knew what you were letting yourself in for" is crap and completely misses the point that you and your partner (and sometimes your children, and the step children too) are victims of someone else's bitterness and antisocial behaviour. Yet because we dare to "moan" we are apparently in the wrong according to some. Until you've actually lived through years of having your life tipped upside down by people who don't even live with you, you have little right to attack those who've actually experienced it. Being a 1st wife does NOT mean you are immune to the criticism of others as if you are some sort of untouchable saint ..... nor does being a stepchild mean you are exempt from discipline and boundaries (or it shouldn't do).

Telling us "moaners" to get "out of the kitchen" means that you are effectively saying it's okay to be an utter bitch, or a nasty spoilt spiteful brat ..... us leaving wouldn't actually solve those problems would it ?

And I say all this as an ex single mum myself (for 9 years) so I know that you can conduct yourself with dignigty, fairness and honesty if you make the effort and it's really not so hard to NOT use your children as weapons if you truly have your children's best interests at heart. Similarly, though my son was (and still is, though now an adult) a step child, I NEVER allowed him to behave the way I've seen my stepchildren do and as any responsible parent should do, he was punished if naughty - he was NOT allowed to plead "step" in defence, by either my ex or myself and, as he got older, he was expected to accept more and more responsibility for his own actions (isn't that how most parents bring up their kids ?) .... again, he was NOT allowed to plead "step" to avoid judgement.

Why the hell should we be "jealous" of our partner's past ? Most of us have pasts too so don't be so childish. What we object to is the way his past can unfairly dominate the present in such an often very difficult and stressful way. This isn't obligatory for God's sake - there are plenty of mature and honest exes who are getting on with their own lives and communicating fairly and respectfully with their exes about their children. Consequently, those families generally rub along fine without any major problems ...... and you won't find "new" (how long is it before you can drop the "new" I wonder ?!) partners in those set ups on these boards - why should they be ? Unfortunately, those of us who are here usually have significant problems and if we didn't care we wouldn't seek advice.

Oh ...... and moving on, here's another 1:2 for Maleficent's list:

1. You must accept without moaning (God forbid) all accusations and name calling from the ex along the lines of that woman, that whore, that golddigger, that slag-of-questionnable-morals-who-is-corrupting-my- children-because-her-child-is-a-bastard, that harpie, that scum etc etc etc

2. You must also accept without moaning (God forbid) all demands for short notice babysitting - when your partner has genuine reasons for being unable to look after his kids - and the ex demands "why can't she do it" ..... even though the suitability of someone hitherto known as that woman, that whore, that golddigger, that slag-of-questionnable-morals-who-is-corrupting-my- children-because-her-child-is-a-bastard, that harpie, that scum etc etc etc, as a babysitter must surely be questionnable ? (or so you'd think)

SoupDragon Wed 26-Jan-11 07:46:02

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

theredhen Wed 26-Jan-11 07:54:52

Soupdragon,

What a rather nasty and narrow minded generalisation you have just made. I pity any child brought up with you!

I was single for 8 yrs before meeting DP who was single for over 2 yrs. I suspect the vast majority of step parents on here, have a similar story.

And for those who did have an affair with a man with kids, where is the slating and abuse for the man that did it? Why is it only the "other woman" who gets slagged off?! confused. As the saying goes, it takes 2 to tango.

I suspect it is because a lot of "wronged" women still harbour feelings of love for their ex and because of their own issues of not being able to detach from someone who has obviously wronged them, they choose to put all the blame on the other woman, because it is easier.

cobbledtogether Wed 26-Jan-11 08:07:49

Hey everyone, I saw some lovely passive aggressive hepplewhite chairs the other day. I just wasn't sure if they'd go with my borderline table.

WWYD?

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 26-Jan-11 08:11:59

Catmother - well put!

Malificent - what a great thread.

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 08:14:02

Oh BH that sounds lovely - would go great with the non-issue fruit bowl I spotted at PA4U.

cobbledtogether Wed 26-Jan-11 08:17:30

<BH enjoys the irony of the comments on this post whilst sat on the comfort of a paranoid sofa>

catsmother Wed 26-Jan-11 08:18:57

FFS.

I met my DP more than 2 years after he split - mutually - from his ex. I was his 1st girlfriend since the split. Ex wife meanwhile was out with her new man within 2 weeks and introducing him to the skids almost immediately (the 1st of many such "friends" but if you call them a "friend" that apparently makes it okay - even when "friend" disappears soon after never to be seen again). Ex wife also had affair with the married father of her children's schoolfriend - the kids playing together was used as a cover up for them to meet. Ex wife had pregnancy scare where she didn't know who the father was - nice.

Yet when I was introduced to the skids several months after meeting DP all hell broke loose and I was officially named whore etc etc. I have never so much as looked at even a casually attached man, but do you know what .... Redhen is right, even if you have had an affair, and I'm not saying it's right, at some point everyone involved has to move on (for their own sanity) if nothing else and nothing justifies some of the behaviour I've read about towards the second wives regardless of how their relationship began. I know of one woman (though can't remember her circumstances) who was physically attacked and kicked in the stomach by an ex when she was pregnant. Did she deserve that shit ? Did her baby ?

Claiming that all sceond wives are husband stealing sluts is narrow minded and pathetic.

cobbledtogether Wed 26-Jan-11 08:19:31

A non issue fruit bowl you say. Are you sure its not just hiding something deep down?

I was thinking about returning my paranoid sofa to IPEA as its feeling opressed.

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 08:20:00

<fluffing her projection cushions>

cobbledtogether Wed 26-Jan-11 08:21:53

<adjusts her transference lamp>

silverfrog Wed 26-Jan-11 08:23:44

Soup:

what about the stepmothers , fathers partners , erm hang on what are we supposed to call ourselves? anyway, whatever it is you decide (not actually being in the situation, but hey, you get the call, after all you're a mother) - what about the ones who didn't sleep with a married man, wiht or withou a pregnant wife? or are we just supposed to not shag men who have children (sorry, your post was a little unclear on this)

but do we deserve "all the shit that comes our way" too?

and do you really think that feelings, between adults, about a situation shoud not be separated out from any situation involving the chldren?

that they should not be used as pawns,by either side, and emotionally blackmailed in the process?

because I can tell you this now - if dh were to shag about, and we separate, I would never put my children through what my step children have been through. living your life through your children is not on.

WhatWouldMaleficentDo Wed 26-Jan-11 08:49:21

<strides in regally and benevolently>

Dear, sweet posters. This is not a discussion about what a non-step parent thinks a step parent should be called. No, no, no!

<tinkly, yet gracious laugh>

It is about conflicting advice and furniture with issues.

Apple anyone?

silverfrog Wed 26-Jan-11 08:50:05

only if you've got a really, really shiny red one smile

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 08:54:33

<bows down to her greatness>

<crunch & munch>

WhatWouldMaleficentDo Wed 26-Jan-11 09:03:29

<hands silverfrog the shiniest apple from her basket>

One has had to send back her PA table to PA4U.

It was just too unstable.

KaraStarbuckThrace Wed 26-Jan-11 09:13:28

Catsmother - you don't have to justify yourself to anyone.

I am lucky as DH and I have a good relationship with his ex, she got pregnant through for-old-time's-sake sex after they split up, they didn't have any interest in getting back together and since she had been told she would never be able to have kids she was over the moon to have a baby.

I actually knew her from when they were going out and in fact dated him before they met (we have a lot of mutual friends!).

So she has always been quite supportive of our relationship - in fact she came to our wedding (DSS was a page boy).

bratnav Wed 26-Jan-11 09:43:41

Message deleted

bratnav Wed 26-Jan-11 09:47:34

Message deleted

mjovertherainbow Wed 26-Jan-11 10:22:39

Message withdrawn

silverfrog Wed 26-Jan-11 10:26:32

bratnav - bonus points depends on whether you allow stale crusts with her stagnant water, or mouldy crusts...

<cellars also better than understairs ( so Harry Potter!) or cupboards. but I realise that geography does not always permit this. maybe you have a wood to abandon her in?>

SMummyS Wed 26-Jan-11 10:27:05

singleproudmum you clearly have issues if after 5years you still can't let go. I've read your thread 'how to treat a step mum'. Your issue is with her and not every other step mum!!!

bratnav Wed 26-Jan-11 11:02:32

Message deleted

bratnav Wed 26-Jan-11 11:03:26

Message deleted

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 11:14:00

Can I join you on my magic hoover of transference - I got it recently and its really shiny and pretty. I love it so much.

PS to those who come on this thread with little knowledge of the backgrounds, issues or experiences we have, please refrain from vitriol and abuse. We feel it reflects more on you then us.

PPS. Malificence (sp?) awesome op - very funny, spat coffee everywhere.

Soup - I have reported your post to hq. Perhaps you would like to reconsider calling people names for no good reason.

By the way I prefer stepwitch as my name of choosing. It suits me and has a nice ring to it when called from the cupboard under the stairs I keep the little ratbag in, when not making trainers to earn the maintenance we are forced to pay his mother. Damn him. grin

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 11:33:14

Hi pretty,

I've made some witchesbrew tea - with the displacement teapot.

want a cup ?

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 12:15:43

oooh - I would be delighted - chin chin! [grin}

LadyTremaine Wed 26-Jan-11 12:46:26

OOh link to that gem of a thread please SMummyS

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 13:22:23

its over on lone parents lady - it isnt that bad just a rant about evil stepmothers. The simple fact of the matter is:

There are bad people. They behave badly. They behave badly as parents, singletons and step parents.

This is not a "crazy ex" thing, nor is it a "evil stepwitch" thing. Its called life and not everyone in a given situation would behave the same way.

Those of us with an ounce of common sense are aware of this. Some of us are not.

Kelziz Wed 26-Jan-11 14:08:30

8. You should automatically love your step children and if you can't you are bad and should leave your DH / DP

I think this is my favourite - when people are so indignant that you should love your partners children like your own because why wouldn't you love a person whose DNA is 50% of your beloved's?

Funny, I see plenty of MIL bashing threads on AIBU but not once has anyone on there been told they should love their MIL like their own or leave their DH/DP!

LadyTremaine Wed 26-Jan-11 14:16:12

Thats right prettyfly. What is soooo annoying is that when the auspicious individual is the mother of your step children, unlike in any other area of life, you can't just erase them.
No matter how far removed from your idea of the sort of person you want in your life they may be, they are there to stay!

Hence the need to vent sometimes.

deemented Wed 26-Jan-11 14:34:49

I'm completely new to this whole stepparenting malarkey, but Jesus, it's a whole new world shock

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 14:35:19

exactly and actually the same goes the other way. No, a lot of the time we may not be who the ex would want raising their children and that must be very hard, particularly if the split wasnt their choice, however surely, rather then assuming we are nothing, will abuse your kids, treating us like unpaid babysitters with no rights and insisting we forfeit any complaints, issues or frustrations because "we chose this life", trying to get on with us, understand that we are not all out to oust your kids and giving us some bloody support, which most of us would gladly give back in return, would be a much more sensible way of life.

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 14:36:04

now where is my peach of self importance...

prettyfly1 Wed 26-Jan-11 14:37:50

deemented it totally is - welcome to what I like to call "being everyones unpaid bitch"...

actually it isnt that bad - dss asked to do crafts with me on sunday, as noone else does it and we had a lovely time making clay pots . Little moments make it easier.

deemented Wed 26-Jan-11 14:41:48

I'd love to be able to have the oppertunity to involve DSS into our family life. Unfortunately his mother isn't that keen. Obviously i knew that Manshape had a son before we got together, and had/have no problem with thatm it's the strength of venom from the ex that's surprised me. I never knew someone who doesn't know me, won't speak to me could hate me so much. It's been a shock a huge learning curve.

bratnav Wed 26-Jan-11 14:54:03

Message deleted

mjovertherainbow Wed 26-Jan-11 15:00:09

Message withdrawn

deemented Wed 26-Jan-11 15:17:29

Oh she already calls me 'the slut' and my children 'The bastards' - that's nothing new.

I hate the way i have to plan my life around her whims - she dangles DSS on a string and manshape has to dance to her tune or there will be 'consequences' hmm

cobbledtogether Wed 26-Jan-11 15:41:57

deemented, that's really shit.

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 16:01:19

deemented- I've been in that position, sucks.

LadyTremaine Wed 26-Jan-11 16:06:02

My DSDs mother is so deluded she actually beleives that DSD hates coming to us and thinks I'm horrid. Doesnt hear the laughter coming from the car as we drive up her drive or see the hugs and kisses as DSD says goodbye to us then confused

NoodlesMam Wed 26-Jan-11 17:32:42

Treat them with respect??? I treat my DSS with the uttermost respect! The same respect I treat my DD1 and DD2 with! However I feel I should then receive that same respect back. I've lurked on here for so long and never have I felt so compelled to post as I do now. I'm not jealous of my DH's past, I actually get on really well with his ex and she is the one who refers to me as DSS's Step Mum! She probably likes to use the term Mum as she is a rational person who recognises that I care for her son as a 'mum' would. I love my DSS and he loves me, I care for him out of love, not duty. This said, I am also treat like a second class citizen in my own home, sorry, Dad's house, I don't feel that I get nearly enough respect for the things I do, I have no say in DSS's discipline, he gets away with murder yet if my DD1 (who is the same age) does anything wrong I'm expected to come down on her like a tonne of bricks! I'm expected to treat all the children the same yet I have to discipline them differently? Oh and it's understandable that DSS is resentful towards me and my DD1 because we invaded his home, yet DD1 isn't allowed any emotional slack for the fact that for us to 'invade' his home she had to change schools and take on a father figure she hadn't had before (her bio dad has never been around) and love her step brother as if they had been brought up together from birth. Yes, and she's not allowed to be resentful when she has to stay home and do diddly bleeding squat because it's not DSS's weekend to stay and we mustn't leave him out but then he comes on Monday morning and tells us all of the several treats and outings he's had with his Mum.

I really thought I knew what I was taking on but I sooooooo didn't! And as for 'if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen' I'm damned sure that most of the regulars on here would agree that yes it's hard and often you need to vent your spleen but 'getting out of the kitchen' would have serious negative affects on our DSS's and DSD's. What a narrow minded attitude to have?

I suppose in your position as a single mum you're thinking you would hate for your child to be thought of in this way? I understand that having been a single mum myself however knowing what I know now and if my DD1 had contact with her BioDad and his partner I'm damned sure that I would work with her to make sure she didn't behave the way so many DSC's seem to!

Rant over.

Petal02 Wed 26-Jan-11 21:24:14

"If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" - well that's really helpful, isn't it. It seems the majority of us believe in working at our marriages/relationships, regardless of the challenges thrown at us. Surely that's more positive than throwing in the towel, and creating more broken homes?

As an earlier poster pointed out - people only tend to post on these forums when they need support, so you only hear the problems, not the triumphs.

singleproudmum Wed 26-Jan-11 23:11:17

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

singleproudmum Wed 26-Jan-11 23:13:54

Oh, I forgot to mention that all I hear when I read your posts is poor me, me, me.

No one talks about how awful it is for their partner's kids, you also seem to have nothing but contempt for your man's ex. Shame!

WildistheWind Wed 26-Jan-11 23:17:46

<plumping projection pillows and sits on transference sofa>

catsmother Thu 27-Jan-11 05:37:01

Errrrm .... in my post I referred to " plenty of mature and honest exes who are getting on with their own lives and communicating fairly and respectfully with their exes about their children. Consequently, those families generally rub along fine without any major problems ....". I also acknowledged that stepchildren can sometimes be victims too of their mother's bitterness and anti social behaviour.

I think it's bloody disgusting when women use their children as weapons in order to score points off their ex and have written about this at length in other recent posts (search if you must). Unfortunately, some women simply can't see past their issues with their ex and prefer to emotionally abuse - and yes, that's what it is - their own children by alienating them from their dad through a succession of lies, obstruction and other negative behaviour.

Yes - I do have nothing but contempt for my partner's ex .... because what I've experienced for almost 10 years has been completely unnecessary and driven entirely by spite. My entire family - including the stepkids - have been dreadfully affected by her attitude and behaviour. I know, because I was in her position as a single mum (well no actually, I received far far less support than she did/does) that you can and you should conduct yourself with dignity and honesty because that's what's best for the children - yet she chooses to behave otherwise - and I think that is contemptuous.

I don't believe all first wives are like this thank God and that's why I object to the oft repeated notion that second wives "knew what they were getting into" because that kind of gives the green light to women who do behave badly .... why are the victims of their spite so often expected to "get on with it" when nothing is done to address their behaviour ? No-one would agree that victims of, say, burglary, should "put up and shut up" .... they are allowed, at least, to feel justifiably angry and upset, and most sections of society would frown upon the crime committed. So why is it acceptable to have the most dreadful and relentless stresses perpetrated against you if the person doing it once happened to be married to your partner ? For Gods' sake, I've now been with my partner longer than he was with his ex, yet she (by virtue of determined spite and trouble making) still has such a huge influence on our lives. This is NOT obligatory - even if you share children together ..... it's perfectly possible to conduct a respectful and business like relationship in relation to the children without resorting to petty spite ..... and the people who choose to do different do deserve all the criticism they get.

If my opinions make me pathetic then so be it but I am not going to sit back and condone the absolutely disgusting behaviour of some women.

WhatWouldMaleficentDo Thu 27-Jan-11 08:51:49

I shall have to check a few things.

1. Checks OP - yes, still a tongue in cheek post about conflicting advice being given in MN, no vitriol.

2. Checks next post, a little patronising, but not vitriolic or a personal attack.

3. Checks next post - clarification that that post was meant to be tongue in cheek, references furniture discussion.

4. Checks last post - offering fruit and referencing furniture.

One wonders how one is suddenly part of a pack of wolves ganging up on a poster when one has not made a single vitriolic or unpleasant remark about anyone.

I don't expect an apology, but kindly direct your rant in a more considered fashion.

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 09:43:53

And the only reason I was quick to go over and have a look at the post on 'loneparents' was because who ever entioned it said that it was called 'how to treat a step parent' which, considering your nasty post on this thread, seemed like it would make for interesting reading...

P.s my name is 'tongue-in-cheek' a concept clearly not understood by some on here.

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 09:47:37

Somethng else I don't understand...

Why would you assume that by slatting someone, we are saying everyone that fits the same description is the same.. i.e I detest my partners ex wife... that doesnt mean all ex wives are destestable..

I dislike an indian lady that i work with... when I moan about her to my friend she doesnt tell me I am nasty and lying about this woman and how dare I because she has an indian friend who is really nice and therefore I must be imagining how horrible my colleague is confused

And in response to your defense when you say that you only said 'some women' on here don't deserve to be called stepmum - who were you referring to then because I can't see anyone on here who doesnt deserve it based on what they've said...?

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 09:57:47

Message withdrawn

prettyfly1 Thu 27-Jan-11 10:39:07

dragonfly - mmmmmmm - I like it!!!! Ta single mummy. I think however you will find vicious I am not - protective of women I have gotten to know over a long period of time, who have supported me through the hardest times in my life - absolutely. These women may be online but that doesnt make them any less my friends and noone picks on my friends, purely because they dared to get involved with a man with baggage. I am genuinly sorry for the experiences you are having and your children, like everyone elses dont deserve to be abused. It must be awful to have your power to protect them taken away so literally and as a former single parent I do actually empathise completely. I cant imagine the frustration and anger I would feel in that position and I truly hope your children come through ok, however do not make the mistake of bullying and railing at my friends, who are all trying their best to negotiate a difficult, thankless maze and think we will all take it. We wont.

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 10:42:52

Very well put prettyfly.

p.s I've only been around a few weeks so I don't think i'm your friend yet but will work at this...

piece of cake?

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 10:43:51

Ooh sorry, just to be clear that wasn't a passive agressive piece of cake grin

prettyfly1 Thu 27-Jan-11 10:44:38

snort - I take your cake and raise you some delicious biscuits - only very slightly passive aggressive - and you are more then welcome in our coven

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 10:48:06

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 10:51:22

Message withdrawn

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 10:52:51

thanks grin

SudalivefromHMP Thu 27-Jan-11 10:56:10

Just a tale from my Passive Aggressive Dining Table and Chairs.

I cooked a meal for all three of us last night - thats right - all three had the same.

I did not allow my DH - as usual - to come in after 8hrs on a building site to make his 'little' boy - exhausted by a part time shop job and playing on his x-box his very favourite tea and a different meal entirely from whatever we are having.

He (HWSBM) actually ate every bit of it - my homemade chicken stew [smug] emoticon - even though it did not include chips or sausages or burgers etc - his usual staple diet.

So I thought point proven on two counts [ we really do need a smug emoticon ] emoticon. Firstly DH does not need to come in from hard days work and ask HWSBM what he wants for his tea (even when his wife - yours truly - has cooked tea) and then cook it specially for him. Secondly HWSBM is not as fussy as DH thinks - as in he ate all the 'proper food' - ie chicken stew last night. He is only that faddy because DH facilitates him to be by being willing to cook for him what he wants rather than my like it or lump it 'fait accompli' style of catering that I applied to my own children. I would not for them and never will therefore for anyone elses - cook different meals for everyone.

Passive Aggressive Furniture - dont you just love it grin

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 10:59:14

Love it indeed. Why does so much of our effort revolve around eating...??! Its a common theme in our hose too. Odd.

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 11:01:10

Suda- all 3 !!! shock

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 11:03:58

Message withdrawn

SudalivefromHMP Thu 27-Jan-11 11:05:56

Just to add - the table and chairs are new - before we always ate on our laps at different times etc. I have nagged for years for this table and chairs as I believe in sitting round a table.

It is PA because I use it to pre-empty any of previous ridiculous pandering and piss taking by my DH and SS respectively. Now its simply a case of 'fait accompli' 'tea' is on the table.

SudalivefromHMP Thu 27-Jan-11 11:09:44

From this day forward am going to call 'Tea' - 'Fait Accompli'.

Started my very own rhyming slang for Stepmothers. smile

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 11:11:27

MJ - I would make some white choc cheesecake for you but sadly I only have hostile biscuit crumbs and my sprung cake tin is having a few issues with displacement currently so I don't feel it's a good idea.

How about an affable skinny blueberry muffin?

SudalivefromHMP Thu 27-Jan-11 11:11:58

Trouble is would only work with northeners hmm as you lot call it dinner I believe.

'Fait accompli's on the table'


HA

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 11:15:03

<nods in approval>

J'aime beaucoup Suda-

Fait accompli- just brilliant !

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 11:56:36

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 11:58:04

Message withdrawn

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 12:05:40

MJ shock

PMSL

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 12:11:53

Message withdrawn

SudalivefromHMP Thu 27-Jan-11 12:21:04

MJ - I have similiar rants in the refrigerater aisles in our local supermarket - they have more low fat this and weightwatchers that and 'be good to yourself' bollocks in their fridges than anything else.

I stand there and announce very loudly - ' NOT EVERYONE IS ON A DIET YOU KNOW - WHERES THE SATURATED FATS FULL FAT AND CHOLESTEROL? -GIVE IT TO ME NOW '

blush

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 12:21:59

PMSL indeed.

Have a nigella chocolate fudge brownie...

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 12:24:41

One morning. One lousy morning I'm stuck in meetings and you lot get muffins and cheesecake envy.

I even bought my own dual personality spork. Scoop or stab. It. Just. Doesn't. Know...

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 12:26:07

Message withdrawn

prettyfly1 Thu 27-Jan-11 13:00:00

mmmmmmmmmmmm - brownies................

SMummyS Thu 27-Jan-11 13:07:25

Oi you lot!!

Do you have to talk about yummy food!! I'm trying to be good so any weight I put on is baby and not fat mmmmmm brownies

I can't even do exercise to burn it off... Hmmmm salad it is, mmmm yum...,

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 13:25:43

I had salad for lunch

fecking healthy food

Petal02 Thu 27-Jan-11 14:18:14

Did someone mention cake????

deemented Thu 27-Jan-11 14:20:21

Can i be in your gang if i bring brownie mug cakes and jaffa cake muffins???

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 14:23:35

brownie mug cakes??? what are they??? Not that I'm fussy grin

deemented Thu 27-Jan-11 14:25:32

They are brownies, but made in mugs in the slowcooker, rather then in the oven. And very very nice too grin

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 14:29:45

Message withdrawn

SMummyS Thu 27-Jan-11 14:34:01

I make cakes in a mug in the microwave and there yummy

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 14:35:02

Ooooooh lovely. i'll have one please.

No slow cooker or microwave so unable to make myself.

Pass this way please!

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 14:53:38

Jaffa cake Muffin for me please

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 14:54:23

erm, I'll have one of each.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 15:45:33

Has anyone got any biscuits?

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 15:53:56

ha !

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 15:57:48

ha!

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 15:58:14

Bet you've eaten them all envy.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 15:59:42

<grumbles>
Stuck in meetings all day. I come out and everyone has eaten all of the nice things and left me with what looks like <pokes it> a bran muffin.
Huh.

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 16:04:53

Oh dear,it's a pity one of my posts was deleted, I must have hit a nerve!

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 16:04:54

Awwww and it's Low Fat as well.
angry

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 16:09:30

Message withdrawn

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 16:10:42

<reclining on the countertransference chesterfield>

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 16:15:35

mmm... Do we like posh cheese on here or does it have to be sweet?

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 16:19:48

I like Wensleydale with cranberries. Or my favourite, favourite cheese - farmhouse Lancashire with pickled onion. Only seem to be able to get it locally, but my god, melted on toast. <drools>

I'm guessing that anything with pickled onion in it isn't going to be classed as posh blush.

Got any tray bake?

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 16:23:18

I was thinking of a nice baked camembert with a crusty loaf and lots of butter..

Washed down with some red...

Am I allowed to play again?

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 16:27:42

Ok. I suppose so. I just had low blood sugar and got over excited by the thought of cheesecake.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 16:28:46

Pegs - budge up a bit. My chair is too confrontational.

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 16:30:12

Message withdrawn

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 16:42:36

Oooh great, thanks grin

deemented Thu 27-Jan-11 16:54:42

Farmhouse Lancashire... Ohhh.... that's one thing i miss from home, really good cheese...

With really fresh, floury and crusty bread and lots of real salted butter...

<looks at hips and sighs>

Maelstrom Thu 27-Jan-11 17:00:18

This lives me exactly where I was... Damned if you do, damned if you don't. But neverthelss I adore those children (with boiled potatoes on the side, please)

Maelstrom Thu 27-Jan-11 17:00:55

lives me??? bloody hell! LEAves me (they are eating my brain, I tell you)

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 17:13:19

<digs out the Grandma Singleton's waxed farmhouse Lancashire and rustles up a butty for deemented>

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 18:34:31

Well they do say that birds of a feather flock together, hhmmm

deemented Thu 27-Jan-11 18:37:36

What exactly is your bloody problem, SPM?

hmm

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 18:59:37

Message withdrawn

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 20:58:46

Cheese anyone?

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 21:18:19

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 21:22:05

Crudité?

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 21:33:34

oui- merci BH

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 21:41:56

J'ai quelques hummous aussi

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 21:43:49

gressin?

<bh really hopes that means breadstick>

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 21:51:38

Mmm what a lovely spread you ladies put on grin

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 21:51:51

spm - there are so many different issues that surround step parenting, problems with ex's, problems with DSC behaviour, problems with partners and DC, problems with extended family, finances etc. Not all of us have problems with everything but I think everyone that posts on here as a step parent is trying to make things work. Sometimes just having a rant on a message board means you can get back to real life feeling less burdened.

Just like single parents have issues with ex's, behaviour of children, extended family, finances and problems with ex's partners etc.

If a single parent posts on the single parent board about how lonely they feel and how they aren't coping well with the kids, I would think the last thing they need is a step parent telling them that they chose to give birth to those children and they should be positive for their sake and not keep moaning about them on a message board, I think there would be much upset and "ganging up" by single parents and quite right too.

All of us have issues to deal with and that is what these boards are for.

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 21:52:22

Message withdrawn

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 21:53:10

spm - there are so many different issues that surround step parenting, problems with ex's, problems with DSC behaviour, problems with partners and DC, problems with extended family, finances etc. Not all of us have problems with everything but I think everyone that posts on here as a step parent is trying to make things work. Sometimes just having a rant on a message board means you can get back to real life feeling less burdened.

Just like single parents have issues with ex's, behaviour of children, extended family, finances and problems with ex's partners etc.

If a single parent posts on the single parent board about how lonely they feel and how they aren't coping well with the kids, I would think the last thing they need is a step parent telling them that they chose to give birth to those children and they should be positive for their sake and not keep moaning about them on a message board, I think there would be much upset and "ganging up" by single parents and quite right too.

All of us have issues to deal with and that is what these boards are for.

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 21:54:28

Ooops sorry for the duplicate post.

I'm off the find the breadsticks and taramasalata. grin

LadyTremaine Thu 27-Jan-11 21:54:57

Was planning to ignore anyway.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 21:57:59

save time and click here

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 21:59:02

taramasalata!

Not had that in years. Very retro.

What are your thoughts on tzatziki?

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 22:06:36

I have been too insulting to the contributors on here?
Hang on, it appears to me that these posters on here are VERY good at being extremely insulting themselves aren't they?

I'm not welcome simply because some people don't like people like me disagreeing with them and letting them know how some comments are not very nice to read.

You can deny things to other people but you can't deny them to yourself

Doodlez Thu 27-Jan-11 22:08:14

My step-mother is fab!

She was fantastic when I was a little girl and she's fantastic now, when I'm a middle-aged, tits-like-a-roof-tilers-nailbag mother of two myself!

As you were.

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 22:10:27

Message withdrawn

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 22:11:12

Ultimate Retro Buffet.

What are everyone's thoughts on vol au vents?

Fuck it, this is a thread in itself! Off to chat

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 22:23:21

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 22:25:37

<breathes in and out>

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 22:35:10

<takes peg's hand and gently leads her away from the thread>

<makes sure no one is looking and gives her a unMN hug>

SPM before you respond, take a deep breath as there is more going on than you here. Thank you.

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 22:37:36

tzatziki? Hmmm, will need some pitta bread to go with that.

As for Taramasalata, I haven't had it for yrs either. Just had a strange craving for it this evening.

Can we have prawn cocktail and black forest gateau too? I'll pass on the Blue Nun though, there's only so much retro you can do. wink

mjovertherainbow Thu 27-Jan-11 22:38:21

Message withdrawn

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 22:40:14

theredhen - join in the ultimate retro buffet chat here

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 22:43:10

thanks- I'm sorry I should have kept away from here

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 22:53:01

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

singleproudmum Thu 27-Jan-11 22:54:46

Later, losers!

WildistheWind Thu 27-Jan-11 22:56:43

wow- feel the love

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 22:56:51

SPM I've reported your post as well.

I asked if you could take a breath before you responded, but no. I find it highly ironic that anyone so wrapped up in themselves is asking me to see the bigger picture. Your response to Slimbo on the LP thread said all I needed to know.

This is not all about you. You are not that important.

Seriously.

Petal02 Thu 27-Jan-11 23:02:26

Blimey, what's been going on???? It's gonna take ages to clear up all the mess!

SPM, go and take a chill pill, you'll have some sort of seizure if you carry on like this.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 23:09:06

<walks in whistling>

<Hands petal a dustpan and brush>

You get the cake crumbs and I'll start on the floor.

<snaps on a pair of marigolds>

Off we go!

prettyfly1 Thu 27-Jan-11 23:11:21

I made devils food cake - how is that for retro - who wants some...and I came with some persil with febreeze for cleaning away the nasty niffs

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 23:12:57

Cool. Do you have a spoon?

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 23:18:07

Pegs - "wow- feel the love"

PMSL [GRIN]

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 23:22:20

Would you lot kindly stop being so bloody interesting. I need to go to bed.

theredhen Thu 27-Jan-11 23:24:26

Me too babyheave. Night night.

Petal02 Thu 27-Jan-11 23:34:05

And it's good night from me. I've nearly finished with the dustpan and brush.

cobbledtogether Thu 27-Jan-11 23:38:19

excellent - pop it back into the counter transferance cupboard when you're done.

Night all!

prettyfly1 Thu 27-Jan-11 23:55:11

I have finished my impression of Nigella, done my nightly clean up, had a ridiculously emotive rant and now I bid you all adieu - nighty night xxxx

SMummyS Fri 28-Jan-11 07:54:57

Anyone want the recipe for cakes on a mug in a microwave?? If so il dig it out. Take less than 10min start to finish grin

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 08:13:17

10 minute cake you say.

I could be interested!

Petal02 Fri 28-Jan-11 08:23:40

Changing the subject completely - did anyone try to watch Silent Witness this week? I gave up after 30 mins, I thought it was supposed to be about pathologists determining the cause of death, not running round Amsterdam trying to get a man with a knife??? It went really wrong this week, I was disappointed.

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 08:32:57

I've found the same thing. I really miss a good old fashioned detective / pathologist drama. They seem to have lost the plot at the moment. I blame "Bones".

deemented Fri 28-Jan-11 09:49:25

Well that was bizzarre.

I tae the night off to jump --manshape-- do other things and come back to find SPM has spontaneously combusted and i've missed it all. Can someone PM and let me know what happened? because --i'm-- a-- --nosey --cow--

deemented Fri 28-Jan-11 09:50:15

Eh? My strikeouts didn't work...

Petal02 Fri 28-Jan-11 09:57:39

Deemented, I think you missed a bit of a bun-fight! It was more entertaining than Silent Witness though!

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 28-Jan-11 12:35:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 28-Jan-11 12:35:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 28-Jan-11 12:36:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildistheWind Fri 28-Jan-11 12:41:22

SGM- grin

SMummyS Fri 28-Jan-11 12:42:30

Those poor pets grin

prettyfly1 Fri 28-Jan-11 12:45:22

Oh SGM - wont someone think of the pets.........rosewater and white chocolate cake anyone??

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 13:13:17

Yes, but only so I can be smug about knowing how strike outs work even though something has gone wrong with them today?

buttons99 Fri 28-Jan-11 14:31:43

Thanks all, I have had such a chuckle and so has my DH.

I am mega hungry now so off for some muffins before I put on my witches woolly hat and fly off on my broomstick get in my car ready for the school run.

buttons99 Fri 28-Jan-11 14:35:08

whoops...posted it too early.... this forum is so good. A place where us stepmums can find support and share our common problems with people who really understand each other.

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 15:33:02

Will someone please remove me from that thread!!! Heeeeelp!

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 15:33:19

I've got work to do!

SMummyS Fri 28-Jan-11 15:54:13

LT hide the thread. I can't believe what they're saying to you

singleproudmum Fri 28-Jan-11 15:59:56

Why would you hide Lt if you are right in everything you say on the other thread?

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:00:45

I've hidden that thread. There is no point. You cannot reason with some people.

This thread was started to show the contradictions in advice given to step parents. The irony is that the people who disliked it the most are the ones who have validated everything that was said.

Apple?

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:00:55

Thanks SMS, will hide. I don't know why I've been sucked in to it. I know it sounds sad and sappy but I've spent many many years looking for a man like the one I now have and it really made me sad for a minute that they were calling him an abuser... bless him. He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I have been abused in the past, many years ago in my late teens and I think i'd recognise it.

I wasn't going to tell her that though so she could use it as amo and twist it to use as a weaknesss! Luckily she wont venture over she says.

I'm back with you guys grin

I have used LP board before now though for advice etc so hope I can go back over at some point without a prob!

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:01:49

Oh god, forgot about you SPM.. Lets just drop it yes.

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:02:55

Apple? I thought we had naughty stuff over here... I've found a bottle of wine in my desk left over from a client party... it's being opened as we speak... anyone care for a drop?

WildistheWind Fri 28-Jan-11 16:04:15

Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:06:20

Oooh, me.

I don't suppose you have a spot of rose? Red goes right to my head!

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:08:24

it's white im afraid babyheave.. If i put the glass infront of a pink postit it takes on a nice rose shade - will that work?

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:12:57

I'll give it a go.

I have to share this link with you from another thread. I pmp when I got to the tomato one. very funny

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:13:15

<slurp>

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:13:55

ha ha ha ha ha!!

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 16:15:48

Yeah - tomatoes just aren't solid enough grin

mjovertherainbow Fri 28-Jan-11 16:30:23

Message withdrawn

mjovertherainbow Fri 28-Jan-11 16:32:23

Message withdrawn

LadyTremaine Fri 28-Jan-11 16:36:43

Did you ask your own child MJ? I usually just get DSD to do that kind of thing for me..

cobbledtogether Fri 28-Jan-11 18:20:14

Yes my DBD tends to spill less, but is more likely to nick a bit!

hsurp Sat 28-May-11 08:51:47

I COMPLETELY DISAGREE WITH: 10. If the child comes to live with you, the mum should not have to pay maintenance as it is your job to support them as you chose to be with a man who had children already.

Support has to do with the biological parents, NOT the stepparent. I am not marrying my bf of 7 1/2 years and I already pay his child support so don't anyone DARE to say that the Mom should not pay! My step-son (his parents call me his step-mother as well as he does) is still under his mother's address and his Dad has to pay. But because he is a stay-at-home Dad, the money comes from my Social Security. When his son was here for most of the school year we still paid and got some money back, but not all. It is NOT the step-parent's responsibility to pay for the step-child. Not for a car, not for on an auto policy, not for college, not for clothes, etc. I give for certain things out of the goodness of my heart! But don't anyone tell me that it is my duty - because legally, it is NOT!

nenevomito Sat 28-May-11 15:31:21

Hi hsurp, I think you've missed the joke behind the thread.

Its taking the mick out of the huge contradictions in the advice given to step parents on Mumset. 9 & 10 go together and contradict each other.

Pandygirl Mon 30-May-11 15:43:18

Absolutely love it! So true.......

kimeleon Fri 10-Jun-11 18:25:59

Brilliant post and most entertaining thread, for so many reasons. I can't believe I read the whole thing ...

WinterLover Fri 10-Jun-11 19:21:42

I havent read it for months but it always makes me smile... its soooooo true!! grin

GinAndWater Fri 10-Jun-11 20:46:43

<bites into poisoned apple>

grin

teenswhodhavethem Sat 10-Dec-11 00:55:39

Message withdrawn

Eliza22 Mon 12-Dec-11 10:18:31

Hmmm... Found this and only when I looked closely, did I notice the duration of this thread.

I wonder, 6 years in, whether I will ever be let off the hook by my sd for marrying her dad and our being happy? I doubt it. I met my dh years after his divorce. His ex had an affair and felt it reasonable to expect her then husband to continue to provide for her and keep the marriage together, whilst continuing secretly to see her lover. He divorced her. It took us 4 yrs of long distance commuting to finally realise we should be married and together.

My sd is now "punishing" her dad by not visiting us. She apparently, doesn't wish to be reminded of me. I exist. That's my crime. Dh is supportive of me, as he says I have behaved without reproach toward his kids and that his dd would object to any female, it's not ME as such. But, I've reached a stage now where I'd be jolly pleased if she just, well, went away really. Awful, I know, but I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of her. End of.

Damned if you do.
Damned if you don't.

About sums it up, really.

samwellsbutt Mon 12-Dec-11 16:52:01

hahahaha almost a year old a still funny.

Theexisapsychocunt Fri 26-Jul-13 23:38:46

Going

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