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Step-parenting

telling ur kids ur remarrying / hugging ffs resepect my feelings

3 replies

Kiwi92 · 10/12/2010 06:03

Sorry just kind of needed to rant and also wanted some perspective from others that are stepparents

My mum and dad have been seperated since 3 mths before my 16th, and my mum has since remarried 2 weeks ago, which i am happy with as i love my stepdad but my dads fiance is another story all together.

I have only met her twice and both those were when i was in my home town 2 weeks ago for my mums wedding, and i am still abit Angry that i was never told they were together, i heard about it at schoo Hmm, and i think that in total since my dad and mum split i have spooken to my dad less than 7 times, so was at a bbq that was suspossed to be for his fiancees bday as they belittle my older brother who is 20, and i went to offer him back up. but we have to leave as one it was boring and i needed a ride back to where i was staying. But it turns out that he asked her to marry him that night but ffs how hard whould it have been to pull me and my brother aside and told us, my brother heard at work on monday, and they told me on mon night when we had "coffee", which they moved with out consulting me Angry which has annoyed me as i think that is fucking rude.

But aslo on both these times she has insisted to keep on hugging me where i have never been a very huggy person and hardly give them, and she seems not to care.

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christmasheave · 10/12/2010 08:43

Hi Kiwi - I'm a stepmum and I think you're right that your Dad has handled this very badly.

When I got together with my DH, he didn't introduce me to his DD until he knew it was going to be a serious relationship as he didn't want to march and old woman into his daughters life, but when he did introduce us, he talked to her first about it and then we met together. I didn't hug my DD until she hugged me first, even though I wanted to!

I can understand why you're directing your anger at his new fiancée, but really, he should have been the one to talk to you and your brother and he should have been the one to make sure he has kept in touch with you properly.

I think if you tell her - calmly - that you don't really do hugs, she'll stop. Maybe she's just a huggy person - some are.

The person who you really need to talk to here is your Dad. Explain how unhappy you are not about his new relationship, but how you've hardly seen him, how he should have told you in a better way and how you were upset by him belittling your brother.
She doesn't know you or your history or what you like or dislike - he Does.

HTH

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Kiwi92 · 10/12/2010 11:58

Dont worry dont like him either mainly for the not talking to me for 7mths than yelling at me over the phone that my brother should be at fucking work.

ps-he doesnt care what my brother or i think as he said to my brother that he would make a crap cop as that is what he wants to train as and he let her tell my brother that if she had a choice he would have no children Hmm and he would never have stayed with them for a 2 weeks when he first moved back to the country. she did know that he had children, we they were going out as my brother works at the same place, 9they were cheating on my mum and her ex), so imo she really should not complain about it as she knew also has kids older than me and a grandchild, and she told my brother that she was going to get him fired, so i told him to tell her try it and we will sue,

I also think that the friendleness shown towards my brotehr and i at the bbq was because my grandmother was there and they have borrowed quite a bit of money from them as the way she was acting was not the same as she does around my brother.

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christmasheave · 10/12/2010 12:09

Oh dear Kiwi, what a mess. Saying that to your brother was a rotten thing for your Dad to do and not talking to you for so long must have been hurtful. Sometimes parents really do cock up badly and hurt their children.

Also if their relationship has come from an affair where he cheated on your Mum, I'm not surprised you feel so much animosity towards them as you must feel very loyal to her, especially since he's gone on to hurt you and not stay in touch.

I'm not sure what advice to offer you, but I don't blame you for feeling angry about all of this.

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