AAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHH

[prettyfly1]

Why oh why are some ex wives such utter witches at times. WHHHHYYYY.

The delightful ex has utterly surpassed herself this time. After nearly a year of stalking, harrassment, lies, threats and abuse, we havent bothered to acknowledge her apart from the "i am picking ds up at...." text for weeks and on Friday received a solicitors letter stating dp is abusing HER.

Why she would even do this when we have full paper trails of the crap she has pulled (including social services and ewa assessments this year from her sons absences) is beyond me and she STILL thinks this is a good idea. I suspect she thinks DP will just ignore it like normal so she will get away with it. He wont so now DP has to pay out £100 per hour for mediation to listen to more crap, then solicitors fees when she breaks whatever they agree to and we get to pay thousands for the privelege of yet more lies in court.

ALL for her attention because she refuses point blank to accept that he will not just jump to attention any more.

To those who have put "why dont more men stand up to their exes" it is because most men are more than aware that the law is slanted heavily against them and exes can destroy their relationships with thier kids if they stand up to them. We have discovered this to our peril and it is a nightmare.

No questions really just needed a rant.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

as you were......

[SMummyS]

^^^ I can sympathise I get racked off with the ex wife telling my DSD who is 4 by the way shite about me, our relationship, our family blah blah blah

[prettyfly1]

I know what you mean and I dont get it - the only person it ever really hurts is dss - why would you do that to your kids??

[prettyfly1]

p.s just to clarify we had nothing to do with social service and educational welfare involvement. DSs missed 25 days off school in the first term and was falling asleep in class on her days so once that was proven she got hauled over hot coals.

[SMummyS]

I love my DSD to pieces and look forward to her visits, we can usually tell within the car ride back to ours how the weekend will pan out..

mummy says you steal from people.
mummy says you dont love each other
mummy says you wont be together very long (we've ben together 2 and half years but known eacvh other longer)

grrrrrr we've have tried to expalin that not everything mummy says is true but we have now resorted to.. 'if thats what mummy says it must be true' DSD then usually replies 'Mummys making stuff up again isnt she'

You would think that they would see their kid was happy so why treat them like it, my theory is they are only kids for a short while, so if your strong and supportive for your DSS and dont stoop to the ex's level then you are the better person (easier said than done I kno )

[prettyfly1]

I so agree with you but christ it is hard at times. We get the same thing - mummy says you will make daddy not love me by having more babies, mummy says you made daddy go on holiday so he didnt have to see me, mummy says daddy only loves my brothers now, mummy says I cant go to your wedding as it will make her sad. I would LOVE to say what I think of his mummy at times and NEVER have, so to get a legal letter saying we are is just bloody insulting.

ARRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

[SMummyS]

I find its good to come on here and talk to other Step-mums becuase unless you are one you have no idea what shit you go through as one. We got advised by our solicitor when we took her to court for contact to keep a diary, log even the smallest of things like her waking up in the night, or not eating her food. Then if you ever get pulled up on something your not going from memory.

Just scream it will make you feel better lol

[ladydeedy]

oh dear I really sympathise.Does your lovely DP have to go to mediatio though? my DH's ex wanted it (he said, what's the point, have tried for 10 years and still no progress) and she is so completely horrid and manipulative. when younger DSS came to live with us, court said my DH should go to mediation with his ex for the benefit of the child. he said no point and gave examples of rambling bitter emails and texts. court finally agreed with him. So I do hope your DP shouldnt have to either.
I do hope it gets better...
other examples from when my SSs were younger : "mummy says we cant come to you for Christmas this year as she will be left all alone and be very sad and will cry all day", "mummy says Daddy is very cruel to her and mummy has no money to pay for anything, and how very wrong that is, that daddy lives in nice house" (mine, btw!), "mummy says that you might be v clever but you have no idea about being a parent and you have no right to tell me what to do", "mummy says we cant come on holiday with you, because she cant afford to take us on holiday so it would be really unfair on her" etc etc etc

[ladydeedy]

our response to what mummy says is "well, she is entitled to her opinion..." and leave it at that. They figured out soon enough... but we didnt have to spell it out for them, she dug her own grave well enough.

[cantseeforlookin]

Isnt that illegal Brightlight? My Dp was told he had to ask permission from ex-wife if he wanted to take DSS to Australia for a year when he was offered a job there.

[cantseeforlookin]

DP also had just a loose agreement, but was told he would need permission from the mother anyway. We decided not to go for the year, it wasn't worth the hassle. Hopefully your DSD will come back to her dad some day, all girls need a dad in their lives. Maybe she will be able to rebuild her relationship with him at a different stage in her life.

[cantseeforlookin]

Sounds like a pretty normal child parent relationship to me!

[prettyfly1]

Oh thank god it isnt just me - this whole thing is a nightmare. We are hoping he doesnt have to go into mediation - solicitor has looked at some of the texts and doesnt think it wise, however apparently now they can do it in seperate rooms etc. Its just so hard and dss behaviour impacts heavily as a result. She drives me nuts - if you hate us - fine! But why hurt your little one as a result!

[SMummyS]

Our mediation was done in 2 rooms, the solicitors act as a go between. Our solicitor asked us what we want, then went to their solicitor who had done the same. It's a bit of an arse but if you have a solicitor who understands you it makes it so much easier.