At what age, and how, can children (teenagers) choose where they live?

[redhappy]

I am stepmother to two teenage boys, just turned 13, and almost 16.

Things have always been difficult for them at their mothers, however now it seems the situation is deteroriorating rapidly.

They have in the past said they want to live with us because of the way their mother treats them, but when she has found out they have got scared and told her that their dad told them to say it.

The older boy has told school now about what is happening, and the school counsellor is going to contact the child contact agency.

We have of course told them that whatever they want we will support 100%, we want them to be happy, and whilst it's normal to worry about hurting their mother they mustn't let that stop them from choosing to live a life where they feel safe and happy.

But dp and I are of course worried about how can we do what we have promised?

Anyone been in a similar situation and can help with the legal side? What age are they legally allowed to choose? And what happens in reality if they decide to just stay here? Can they be forced to go back? By who, by what means? on what terms?

And anything I've forgotten to ask which you think might be useful info would be very much appreciated, thanks

[wildfish]

Legally I think the courts can order anything. In practice I believe they know that enforcing an order is pretty ineffective at this age.

So lets say the kids move in with you. The mother will have to go to court to get them removed. The court will want to know more before making any decisions.

One is already 16 and one 13, tick tock tick tock, the courts are slow. It becomes pointless to intervene at this age (Presumably barring extreme curcumstances). Both are old enough to have court accepted opinions too.

Even if a court said "you will live with your mother", and the kids "run away" to dad, the law is rather ineffective at this point, in reality.

[redhappy]

Ok, that's what I suspected, thanks for your reply.

I just feel so scared for them having to deal with this, as I know how intimidating she can be. I just want to present them with something concrete so they feel safe to make their own decision.

Will talk to dp, and then we can talk to them together.

[redhappy]

oh yes the finances are most definitely a factor.

How do you change over the child benefit? Do you just ring them up? Can she dispute it and stop them paying? It's a sad reality that we would really need the CB and tax credits to survive if they move in here.