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Tell Cif about the most annoying mess you've ever had to clean – you could win a £250 voucher! NOW CLOSED

(230 Posts)
MichelleMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 19-Sep-13 15:21:35

Cif has asked us to find out what Mumsnetters think about cleaning up their LO's mess. In particular, Cif want to find out what the hardest or least fun to clean mess your DCs create are.

Here's what Cif have to say, "We all know that children see the home as a playground, and playgrounds get dirty. But we also understand how difficult it can be to clean up after your child, so we want to help make that process as easy as possible."

So, what do you find the most painstaking cleaning task when it comes to cleaning up after your DCs? Is it the crayon drawings they leave on the table or on the wall? Or is it the jam they accidentally splatter over the kitchen counter?

Maybe you refuse to clean up after your family? Or is it your family that has to clean up after you grin?

Whatever it is, we would love to hear about the worst mess you/your family have ever had to clean.

Everyone who adds their comments to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £250 Love2Shop voucher.

Thanks and good luck,


WahIzzit Thu 19-Sep-13 21:01:21

I think I am very lucky that dc1 (who is 3) is exceptionally clean, dirty clothes straight in the laundry basket, hands washed before and after eating with minimal food dropped on the floor etc. At the moment he can be quite lazy tidying away toys, which we are working on.

I feel the most difficult mess I cleaned has got to be when we were toilet training him. Poo-covered undies <boak> the dozen times he missed the toilet and did it on the floor. oh and how can I forget the time he knocked over and spilt a big tub of cooking oil all over the kitchen floor. Took absolutely AGES to remove the slipperiness, and I learnt my lesson to keep such things out of reach.

NomadMomDiary Thu 19-Sep-13 21:49:27

In our house the worst messes are usually the result of the kids deciding to 'help' mummy clean up. For example, they recently decided to clean the bathroom floor for me. This involved filling the toilet with copious amounts of toilet paper and then mopping the floor with the resulting mush. It took ages to get the 100's of pieces of toilet paper out of the bathroom rug. Thank god for Cif - I felt like I needed to boil and sterilise the entire bathroom after that activity.

AndHarry Fri 20-Sep-13 10:20:26

The worst mess ever was when DS was left alone for 5 minutes as a crawling baby. He took off his nappy and smeared poo over the walls, between the rungs of the stair gate, rubbed it into the (cream) carpet and, when I came back, was sat in the middle of his room eating another lump of it. I just didn't know where to start.

Deflatedballoonbelly Fri 20-Sep-13 10:21:44

Easy, Weetabix (dried) off a glass door. Its like CEMENT!

MeteorShower Fri 20-Sep-13 10:26:29

It has, without any doubt, to be the time my then 2yr old and her 3yr old friend served up a poo to each other on the plastic tea party set. They'd sliced it and everything.

I had left them playing happily while I hung the washing outside, and came back to a scene of poo carnage.

Every single bit of the extensive tea party set had to be washed along with the floor and the children.

PollyPlummer Fri 20-Sep-13 10:38:53

Another poo related one.
Dts were around 10 months when I decided to give them a bit of no nappy time, I left them alone for a couple of minutes to get a towel in case they did a wee on the floor. hmm
I came back and skidded across the floor on something warm, soft and stinky, leaving a lovely foot/poo print on the floor.
Dts were rubbing their poo all over the cream walls, brown leather sofas, in to their hair, ears - I strongly suspect they ate some as it was round their mouths.
I honestly didn't know where to start - it was everywhere, and I just made it worse by leaving poo prints behind me. Urgh, I am heaving a bit just thinking about it, as it was caked between my toes and under my toenails [boak]

PollyPlummer Fri 20-Sep-13 10:44:45

Oh yy bloody Weetabix, it should be used to fix po holes. Its impossible to get off.

PollyPlummer Fri 20-Sep-13 10:45:06

by po holes I obviously mean pot holes.

turkeyboots Fri 20-Sep-13 10:54:43

Another tale of "helping" mummy. DS carried in 2L bottle of blue fabric softener and somehow managed to open lid and drop it onto the carpet. Nice cream carpet. Which was blue for sometime afterwards.

Jakadaal Fri 20-Sep-13 11:07:59

Orange fanta fuelled vomit was a memorable one and 3 years on, 2 professional deep cleans later there is still a faint auburn hue to the carpetsmile

Most recent is a pet produced one whilst getting a kitchen fitted - think of a cocktail including cocoa powder, cake decorations and a full packet of pudding rice. Pebble dashing at its best!

DanglingChillis Fri 20-Sep-13 11:53:35

When DC2 was a newborn she did a projectile poo during a nappy change, all over her 20 month old sister. That resulted in me arriving at my friend's house rather late that day!

It's a toss up between the unopened 2l bottle of Ribena and the four pack of Guinness. Both stolen from the work top and chewed by the most destructive dog in the world. Undiluted Ribena is thicker and gloppier than you might realise if your kitchen has never been dripping in it, really quite hard to clean...but then the Guinness cans had exploded, the splatters went right up to nearly the ceiling.

First week of preschool for some reason I had car when picking up DS. He came out clutching a big sodden mess of a painting that was dripping paint. Except I didn't realise and my car was covered in it. And my new at the time coat. I have no idea how to get it out, the paint appears not to be washable. I seethe every time I see it angry

StillNoFuckingEyeDeer Fri 20-Sep-13 13:01:37

When I moved out of halls into my first student flat, my mum came to help me clean it before we moved in. It was disgusting. The inside of the toilet was stained dark brown, the walls of the kitchen were greasy, the floors were sticky and there was a thick layer of dust throughout the flat. The worst bit was the fridge. The previous tenants had left something in a carrier bag, which was possibly meat at some point, but had become unrecognisable. There was an evil stench that had us retching as soon as the door was opened. It took over an hour to clean up a black pool of something rotten from the bottom of the fridge and I have never seen anything as disgusting since.

So far my own DC have not given me anything worse than the usual poonami, vomit or baby led weaning messes, although those can prove challenging with wooden floors and cream sofas and carpets in rented accommodation.

Lurleene Fri 20-Sep-13 13:35:14

We came home from a weekend away in May to find that DD and 20 of her friends had been using our house as party central. Up to today I am still finding evidence - I just found a dried on drink explosion under the stairs! The carnage included filthy walls and floors, broken glass, several (unused!) condoms, odd shoes, and the best bit was finding that little DS's school uniform had been used to mop up vomit.

If I win a £250 voucher I might feel a bit less bitter about the whole experience. wink

gazzalw Fri 20-Sep-13 13:46:24

A couple of Christmases ago both DCs decided to be sick early into Christmas Day morning (we're talking the dead of night).....DD was sick all over her bedroom and DS managed to almost make it to the bathroom but not quite....Two very sleepy (and slightly hungover) parents having to clear up that mess - yuk, yuk, yuk.....

JustBecauseICan Fri 20-Sep-13 14:05:20

Mine is not child caused.....though it was child who spotted it.

It being the long gone off squid slime slowly spreading all over the bottom of the fridge.

Reader, I boaked.

MadMonkeys Fri 20-Sep-13 14:24:23

Mine was when DD1 pulled a bottle of wine out of the wine rack when my back was turned - it went for miles and the bottle shattered the full length of the kitchen... Needless to say the wine rack was been empty ever since, DD wasn't hurt and my floor eventually became cream coloured again!

Tee2072 Fri 20-Sep-13 14:27:30

Any time Wheatabix or porridge gets left on a high chair/table/floor. You could build a house with that stuff once it's dried.

Happiestinwellybobs Fri 20-Sep-13 14:33:22

Possibly the time that DD's nappy exploded, all over my rug, the wooden floor, then all over the bath.

Or cleaning up dog vomit...Or puppy diarrhoea... Or dried on weetabix off the high chair, floors, work top...Or the orange paint when we made autumn trees last week....

GiraffesAndButterflies Fri 20-Sep-13 14:51:55

I was babysitting and the children 6 and 4 had been playing with playmobil toys at the kitchen table. Put tea on table, washed up while they were eating was scared of their posh dishwasher, came over to the table and found the playmobil people were all encrusted with baked beans and ketchup. It looked like they'd been massacred!

It wasn't actually that hard to clean but was definitely the least fun ever, as I was worried about what their mum would say if I couldn't remove all the traces! Of course now I realise she had probably dealt with far worse grin

iwantavuvezela Fri 20-Sep-13 14:56:57

The time of messiness was for me the whole weaning stage! Exacerbated by living in a smallish flat, so the table was part of the living room. I hated it! All the food on the floor, constant crumbles and bits needing to be swept up. Then following that the High Chair. Who knew food could be so difficult to get off, how it would linger in any cracks in the chair. There were times i would go out to eat at lunchtime or eat in the park specifically to avoid this!

Methe Fri 20-Sep-13 14:57:47

Rotten potatoes by a country mile!

CMOTDibbler Fri 20-Sep-13 15:18:50

DC related: sudocreme.

Non dc related. dponys molasses based, garlic flavoured lick which had been left with its lid off in the car on a hot day and melted, ran out and went into the carpet

Where to start? The congealed goo which I think is sauce but I cant be sure left on the dinner table nearly every night. Sticky handprints on the telly, crumbs under the telly just too far under to get with the hoover.

However I think the worst was trying to get blue crayon off of cream walls. We used an eraser (surprisingly effective) but we had to keep stopping as it made our arms ache. It wasnt a small patch either, about a foot squared.

dahville Fri 20-Sep-13 15:24:31

I can't say that wiping/scrubbing chocolate milk off the wall was very fun, especially since I missed some of it when it first happened and had to put a lot of elbow grease to get the stains out.

janeyjampot Fri 20-Sep-13 15:26:32

My worst mess was made by DD's rabbit. He was running around in the garden and managed to get rather damp on the wet grass. He then ran into a flower bed and dug a large hole. Rabbits flick the discarded soil under their bodies as they dig, which resulted in him becoming extremely muddy - in fact, covered in soil and compost - on his tummy. This seemed to be very exciting and he started to roll and jump around in the hole. By the time we caught him he was almost covered in soil and was unrecognisable as a predominantly white rabbit.

Realising that he was unlikely to be able clean himself up effectively, DD suggested we bring him inside and wash him in the washing-up bowl on the kitchen floor. Then we could keep him in until he was completely clean and dry.

We put a small amount of warm water in a bowl on the kitchen floor, popped the rabbit in it, whereupon he leapt out of the bowl, shaking vigorously, and proceeded to run around the house, shaking mud, soil and dirty water all over the floor and the walls. By the time we caught him my (white) kitchen and hall had mud spattered all the way up to the ceiling, and the curtains had to be dry-cleaned. All in all it took more than 4 hours to clean up and return the downstairs of the house to normal!

yegodsandlittlefishes Fri 20-Sep-13 15:27:34

I think it must be the dents/holes in the top of one end of kitchen table. I see it every day and the only way to clean that off would be to sand the table right down and revarnish it.

MaryBS Fri 20-Sep-13 15:32:20

My aspie son decided our conservatory wall was too plain and boring, so he wrote a number of maths equations on the wall, in black permanent marker! Or it could be the time he was fed up of waiting for us to paint his bedroom, so decided to paint it himself, with dark green acrylic paint!

mindingalongtime Fri 20-Sep-13 15:47:11

Jumbo pot of sudocrem off three under three, in their hair, on the carpet, the walls, toys, chairs, sofa, you name it! I only went to sig for a parcel!

AGnu Fri 20-Sep-13 15:51:29

Playdough trodden into a textured carpet... It just has to be left to dry & then carefully flaked off with a knife. Drives me mad!

The previous owners left... something... trodden into the hall carpet too. We think it was probably chewing gum. It's now black & the only way we've found of removing it is to carefully cut the carpet underneath. DH did this to one patch & hasn't bothered since! Luckily it's a navy carpet so it doesn't show too much.

By far the most dramatic mess I've ever witnessed was when the pressure cooker broke. It was like a soup volcano! There were bits of onion plastered to the ceiling. DM leapt towards it to make it stop, DB tried to stop her & I legged it out the room! grin Thankfully DM cleaned it up once it had cooled... Their ceiling needed painting anyway!

AGnu Fri 20-Sep-13 15:52:30

Oh, cottage cheese in a child's hair isn't much fun to get rid of either! hmm

Littlecherublegs Fri 20-Sep-13 15:56:54

Porridge!! It's like wallpaper paste!! It's hard enough to clean off my DS's face never mind his clothes, highchair, the floor, the ceiling....

Also, none DC related (yes it was all my fault!) - put a satsuma on the bedroom floor (I was emptying my bag obviosuly!) ...nice new cream carpet.... then stepped back and stood on it! Squished it into the carpet good & proper!!!! Big orange stain. Did not want to tell DH that one!!!!!

ouryve Fri 20-Sep-13 15:57:07

Nothing can beat puke, launched straight off a top bunk [boak]

DS1 is prone to abdominal migraines, and we've taken to putting his mattress on the floor when he's showing the signs. Cleaning the walls, both beds, the ladders, the carpet and anything in splattering distance, usually at midnight, is far from fun.

catsoup Fri 20-Sep-13 15:59:04

For me it was when DD aged 3 threw her cup of milk all over her room including the walls and carpet. Didn't find it till the next morning by which time the milk had stained the walls and I couldn't get it off.

It had gone hard and I've tried everything to get the wall clean. Painted over it in the end. Plus it stinks gonna have to get a carpet cleaner as well.

glitter, copious amounts of glitter. that just spread further and further about the house no matter what you do with it.

oh and moonsand. wet moonsand may possibly be the work of the devil

peronel Fri 20-Sep-13 16:02:08

Cleaning food off a wooden highchair. Whilst not as aesthetically pleasing, plastic is so much easier to

SleeplessInBedfordshire Fri 20-Sep-13 16:06:05

The most annoying one to try and clean was the food that someone dropped down the side of the passenger seat in my car. God knows how long these unidentified lumps had been there when I noticed the smell and mould! It was in that little narrow bit down the side of the seat that's almost impossible to reach.

NeatFreak Fri 20-Sep-13 16:07:19

Most frustrating ocean was when someone jumped on a new beanbag and the balls went everywhere. You can't Hoover or sweep them so I had to pick them all up by hand (sob)

Hardest clean was dropping a pan of tomato soup from a high stool. It bounced everywhere and sprayed red liquid all the way down. We had recently painted cream walls and new White Lino (sobs even louder)

scripsi Fri 20-Sep-13 16:07:27

This week I have a hacking tickly cough, I took some cough medicine then <of course> started coughing, knocked the medicine which flew across the room, smashed on the stone floor covering the inside of my favourite shoes and exploding over the sofa. It was quite magnificent and slow motion. The DCs watched open-mouthed.
I am still wiping up stickiness as it just won't go away.

TheRunawayTrain Fri 20-Sep-13 16:10:23

May I volunteer the mess caused when you put a toddler in a room of beanbags.

The mess was...phenomenal. I actually had serious admiration for dd1 because she had put a lot of effort into it. No admiration for my best friend who'd let her!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Fri 20-Sep-13 16:13:40

I have two daughters who seem to INGRAIN unidentifiable dirt onto every single surface imaginable. Grey smears and black smudges appear on walls, doors, floors, cups, toys and windows....I do find that only CIF will get these marks out....especially on my walls....but the most annoying is the slime from those pots of slime they love so much. They fling the stuff everywhere and it dries as hard as rock!

Flossie82 Fri 20-Sep-13 16:16:47

Not exactly the kids fault, but dog poo or cat poo brought in on pushchair wheels / shoes. Yuk!

katiewalters Fri 20-Sep-13 16:18:31

My 3year old got hold of a pen and drew on the kitchen table with it, that was a nightmare to get off, and in some places you can still see it. I'm constantly having to clean the windows on the French doors out to the garden, as my son loves to cover them in finger marks.
When I was pregnant, I had sickness all the way through and I use to vomit and that was a pain as it would go everywhere even though I was knelt over the toilet.

CrayolaLola Fri 20-Sep-13 16:22:00

Oh, this is an easy one to answer...

When DS was a toddler he drained the toilet with a supersoaker water pistol...and had huge fun spraying the whole bathroom! I heard him giggling from the kitchen and on seeing the carnage I have to admit I sank to my knees and wept. Everyone else found it hysterical. Even though the loo water was 'clean' (thank God!) It took me hours to surgically scrub the bathroom afterwards... and the offending supersoaker was banished to the shed!

nemno Fri 20-Sep-13 16:27:41

When my boys parked the landrover on its side in a 1.5 m deep bombhole of mud. It looked like the Concordia when righted and we still find flakes of mud dropping out of dash/fittings 3 years later.

Good news though was that a) I didn't do the cleaning and b) the car still started and drove home.

DontmindifIdo Fri 20-Sep-13 16:36:36

oh yes, wheetabix, it need to be shifted the instant it drops, not "oh, we'll do the pre-school run and clear it up when I get back" because by then it'll have set like concrete. Occassionally when trying to chip it off the kitchen floor I question what it's doing to my DC's innards...

Anyway, I'll also add the time when DS got D&V. And was sat on my knee when this started, wearing loose fitting clothing. He pooed out the sides, all over me. But that paled into insignificance compared to the vomit. Which went directly into my face. Up my nose, in my eyes, then dripped down my top and pooled in my bra. Someone else's vomit does rather sting when in your eyes. And not the best thing to be shoved up your nose. I'm rather proud that I managed to clean him up and sooth his cried before I started dealing with myself.

DontmindifIdo Fri 20-Sep-13 16:41:30

oh and pre-DCs, when I was in a house share in London, we had mice. Put down poision and traps, and then after a few days of shifting the bodies in the morning, there was an bad smell. Housemate realised it was behind the skirting bit under the kitchen cupboards. Removed it to find 3 dead mice rotting with maggots all over. We fashioned mouth/nose masks out of hte various floaty silk scarves my Aunt sent me (I was too young and too cool to actually wear them back then), and as I was the smallest with the thinnest arms, I had to reach under to try to shift the mice. Couldn't reach as they were at the back, so we got the handles of a broom and a mop and sellotaped the dustpan to one, used the other to try to knock it onto the pan - all while lying on my tummy, looking in and watching maggots wriggling closer and closer. Worst smell ever.

We cracked open the "posh" gin my housemate had been given at christmas after that.

Ok heaving just finally gotten over a house full of children and hubby with a tummy bug.... Sickness is worst... The smell gets into everything and is a nightmare to clean out of carpets...

WhyIRayLiotta Fri 20-Sep-13 16:48:17

The worst (so far) has been the toddler with a big tub of sudacream. It was on everything. the TV, coffee table, sofa, cushions, curtains, carpet and walls. And of course ALL over toddler herself. And the cat.

It was just the amount of the stuff smeared everywhere... I didnt attempt to clean it until DP came home from work so he could appreciate the magnitude. (and help me clean it.)

headlesslambrini Fri 20-Sep-13 16:49:18

DS was about 18 months old. I was totally wiped out as he had been up a few times in the night. He was playing with his toys on the floor and I sat down and before I knew it, 10 whole minutes had passed by - yep, I'd fallen fast asleep. In those 10 minutes, he had managed to get the big tub of nappy cream, opened it, undressed himself and smear it all over himself - top to toe, in his hair, belly button, round his bum, in his ears, getting the picture? if not then don't worry as I have the photos not only content with doing himself, he also managed to paint a chair, the carpet and a bit of a cabinet. gawd awful mess to clean up as the stuff is basically like grease. Never did manage to get it all out of the carpet.

WildThongsHeartString Fri 20-Sep-13 16:53:38

The absolutely worst ever mess I cleaned up was created by my beloved pet German Shepherd. One day we were out and the car broke down so the poor animal was stuck inside the house for hours which was really unusual for her. Unfortunately she had an upset stomach and dog-diarrhoeaed all over the kitchen floor, spattered units, everywhere. And she was a big dog! (boak emoticon). However, she did try to clean it - by eating it (boak again) and was promptly sick as well. A fine mess for me to clean and I will never forget that smell. My dh had a bad job right enough because the poop had clagged up round the dogs gums and palate so he had to take her outside and brush her teeth and clean her arse and she didn't like that so nipped his hand to let him know he was a bit rough. I'm grin grin even now about the howling, whining and swearing coming from the back garden, the neighbours must have thought we were going mad.

BooMeowson Fri 20-Sep-13 16:55:33

My baby's only young so not made much mess yet!

When I have babysat my nieces the worst mess was cleaning up after me! Looked like a bomb had gone off in the kitchen after I was making cakes etc with them grin

Rollerskaterabbit Fri 20-Sep-13 17:04:17

Cat vomit. Whiskas regurgitated is the worst!

CozyOtter Fri 20-Sep-13 17:16:51

I second the cat sick! Awful when you don't discover it straight away and it dries!

carovioletfizz Fri 20-Sep-13 17:17:10

A box of eggs, cracked on the floor by my toddler. Total nightmare to clean up - sticky, gooey and disgusting!

GetStuffezd Fri 20-Sep-13 17:21:58

The slug I stood on when I came down in the middle of the night, bare-footed for water. I don't know precisely what that gunk they give off is, but it was not coming off - I had to resort to surface cleaner and a sponge. blush angry

LindySfarne Fri 20-Sep-13 17:28:15

Two drinks spills on a cream carpet by dd, one a red fruit smoothie, the other hot choc. Neither came out despite trying several carpet cleaners.

I bought a rug to cover the smoothie and artfully placed a large pot plant over the hot choc. I felt really embarrassed explaining to the people buying our house, but I think they were going to gut the place anyway.

Nicola27 Fri 20-Sep-13 17:48:27

Funnily enough I have returned home about 30 mins ago to find some absolutely disgusting mess on my bed. It is something that the cat has left but it's so bad I can't decide whether it's poo, vomit or hair ball, yuk!!. Both the kids were intrigued enough to go and have a look but they both vanished very quickly saying "urrgh gross" and they left me to clean up.

JakeBullet Fri 20-Sep-13 17:54:41

Children? Pah....piece of cake, it's ME who creates the worst offending stuff.

Some years ago I drove round in my pristine car which had lots of things in the boot. Over several weeks I began to detect an odour which I could not identify, I even took the car into a garage and they couldn't identify it. I added tons of car air freshener things all to no avail.

Then one day I got a puncture, I opened the boot and began moving stuff to get at the spare and there down at the bottom of the boot was a pot of cottage cheese, by now several weeks out of date which had obviously fallen out of a shopping bag at some point several weeks back. Oh the stench....and yes...the same stench I had been puzzling about for weeks. Took loads of cleaning to get the stain and the smell out of the fabric in the boot.

KenDoddsDadsDog Fri 20-Sep-13 17:58:35

When DD decided to help wash the floor by dipping her dressing gown in a bucket of water. A mini flood and a soaking child !

nextphase Fri 20-Sep-13 18:01:08

Dried wetabix or poridge are the worst repeat offenders.

Cleaning up after a mid-potty trained toddler is my worst job tho. I can cope with sick, but poo [shudder]

poopoopoo Fri 20-Sep-13 18:08:06

My little boy decided to open my little girls box of chocolates she got for her birthday. He must have tried each one and then decided he did not like them because he shoved them behind the sofa next to the radiator where they melted down into a thick mess that spread down the radiator and sunk into the carpet where I found them when hovering up a couple of days later. It took me ages to get the chocolate off the pipes of the radiator let alone getting it out of the carpet and the back of the sofa! What a horrible mess!

EastFife5Forfar4 Fri 20-Sep-13 18:17:33

My child is three and bizarrely unmessy. Cooking/baking, he has always been so meticulous when pouring out the flour and stuff! Same for when he is painting, he holds the paint brush so delicately, like he doesn't want to get dirty. Maybe I have it all yet to come!

EastFife5Forfar4 Fri 20-Sep-13 18:19:15

He did once turn the fridge off (he was 20 months at the time) when we went away for the weekend. Came back and the stench was horrendous, had to chuck everything in the fridge and freezer out, then disinfect the fridge/freezer.

Karencurly Fri 20-Sep-13 18:27:44

I had spent days decorating my sons new bedroom and personalised and repainted and varnished his toy box wardrobe with his favourite hand drawn characters and his name so after much pain staking work and attention to detail it was finally ready and though I say so myself looked amazing my son was over the moon and couldn't wait to spend his first night in his big boy room! He especially liked his toy box which had a treasure map drawn on it along with pirates and pirate ship. The next morning I went in to wake him and found him on his bed looking pleased with himself and then realised why he had drawn his own treasure map right across 3 walls and the door in crayon I looked at my son and he said "mummy I'm clever like mummy do u like it" how could i shout I explained that it was lovely but we needed to keep his drawings for his paper or easel board but I took pictures of his creations before talking the task of scrubbing it off which took 2 days to remove totally and his artwork takes pride of place in his room on his wall on a poster I got printed for him from the pics I took. Xx that my cherubs worst ever cleaning story!!!!

When DD was just 2 and starting to potty train, she once disappeared then returned 10 minutes later to proudly announce that she had done a poo in the toilet. I was amazed and went to check. Sure enough she had done a poo in the toilet....on the floor of the toilet and not in the loo itself. Our loo is tiny so as she shut the door after herself, it smeared all along the bottom of the door. Then I opened the door and smeared it even more. I had to use baby wipes to try get it from the bottom of the door, trying not to gag at the stench, grim.

JacqueslePeacock Fri 20-Sep-13 18:39:16

I was for some unfathomable reason cooking beetroot in an old-style pressure cooker. Obviously I did something rather wrong, as when I went to adjust the pressure slightly by opening the top part, a boiling jet of the most vivid purple liquid shot out, covering the white kitchen ceiling and dripping down the cream walls. The beetrooty gunge continued to spray out for several minutes while I struggled to get the valve shut and everything in the entire kitchen was contaminated. Cif sorted out the cooker and the tiles, but the walls and ceiling had to be repainted. It was hideous and I've never liked beetroot since.

Theincidental Fri 20-Sep-13 18:42:21

There are two in our house...

Milk in the carpet, especially it's only discovered when it smells. I hate scrubbing and scrubbing to get it out.

And the other which I never succeed in totally removing is oily tomato sauce splattered on the wall during a messy dinner. There is always the oil stain around a pinkish centre. Paint may be the only way forward!

Glitterfairys Fri 20-Sep-13 18:46:25

My 9 year old son is very keen to cook . He is always trying to invent new recipes but they don't really turn out like he hopes and he always makes such a big mess .Jars of honey or golden syrup tin lids not put on properly and then he puts them back in the cupboard so they stick to the surface - now that is horrible to clean up !!

VivaLeThrustBadger Fri 20-Sep-13 18:50:50

My cat once threw up on my laptop keyboard. I'm sure it was a protest at the amount of time I spend on MN. That took some time scrubbing between all the keys and having to take some of the keys off to clean under.

Possibly surpassed by the time the dog pooed everywhere up his wire crate. And managed to spray poo through the crate and up the walls 3ft away. I had to scrub every inch and corner of all the wire in the crate. The smell was terrible.

Nerfmother Fri 20-Sep-13 18:54:42

Worst mess ever?
Picture me, finally standing up from the window ledge I've been glossing (white) for the past hour. Ds then carries a full bowl of coco pops into the room (and not the table as he is meant to) , trips and the while lot cascades over the sticky white windows. shock

ILoveMyCaravan Fri 20-Sep-13 19:17:21

Leaving my eighteen month old alone in the living room whilst I went to make a drink. I hadn't realised I'd left out the paint pots and brushes. When I came back in he'd painted the whole television, the fireplace and most of the wall bright red!

IncaAztec Fri 20-Sep-13 19:17:36

Worst mess is a whole tub of salsa smashed by my very pregnant bump. Went absolutely everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Kitchen worktops, cooker top, floor, highchair. Seemed to stick like glue and smelt for weeks...

Whojamaflip Fri 20-Sep-13 19:21:13

mil came to stay. she was what you might call volatile confused and had a serious temper tantrum.

she threw the tea pot at dh who promptly ducked. I watched in horror as it exploded against the wall and tea leaves flew everywhere.

it took months to get rid of the feckers and the tea stain is still there despite the wall being painted twice.

worst dc one was dd2 repainting the living room with sudo creme, including dropping dollops into the fish tank confused

My dd once managed to spill a full four pint of milk into the fridge. I thought I had cleaned it all up, as I pulled the fridge inside out to clean it all up. It went everywhere. The veg draweres were full of it Milky lettuce anyone?
Some weeks later there was this disgusting smell emanating from the back of the fridge, kind of like combination of dog shite and vomit. I pulled the fridge out cleaned underneath, but the smell didn't improve, it eventually drove me so mad that i decided to look in the back of the fridge-the spilled milk had gone through the little defrosting hole in the back and then overflowed and caked itself onto the the evaporation tray near the warm back of the fridge. I have never smelled anything so vile in my life. I had scrape the offending stuff off with a knife, every scrape releasing yet more noxious gasses. Thinking about it still makes me shudder.

Blu Fri 20-Sep-13 19:34:48

The only thing I still haven't managed to clean is the residue from those stupid gel window 'clings'. DS plastered our french doors with them, they stayed there in the sun...looked horrible as dust stuck to them, and when I tried to remove them, they left an enduring sticky mess that has resisted all the cleaning products under the sink.

MikeLitoris Fri 20-Sep-13 19:43:13

The worst mess my dc have made is dd1 deciding to 'help' paint ds' room. I spent ages painting it dark blue, hand painted glow in the dark stars and planets. Looked amazing until Dd decided to gloss the newly painted walls.

Don't think it counts the ultimate worst thing ever was cleaning up after the dog when she had an almighty dose of the runs. It was every where!

Also the time I decided to scrub the bathroom floor tiles. We have grey tiles. Or so I thought. After a good scrub (with cif actually) they are actually white. The joys of rented property

gingercat12 Fri 20-Sep-13 19:54:08

Sudocreme from the carpet. DS's toothpaste everywhere (how and why?)

I have given up cleaning up crayon drawings, we'll clean them when he goes to Uni (he is 5).

When I blended homemade butternut squash, onion, carrot and parsnip soup, without securing the lid to the blender which resulted in homemade butternut squash, onion, carrot and parsnip hair treatment and face pack!! (and a fetching new shade of orange for the kitchen walls!!)

It took ages to wipe up (at one point I was smearing orangy chunky gloop around the floor without actually wiping any of it away).
We repainted the whole kitchen affected parts of the kitchen wall but I am convinced that in a certain light there is a distinct orange hue to them...

Worst mess ever to clean up was a blue eyeshadow experiment in their big sisters bedroom. They thought it would be fun to put make up 'on' the resembled smuffs at the end and yes I do have photographic evidence

The lovely cream carpet never looked the same and dd1 now has a rug grin

sleepyhead Fri 20-Sep-13 20:08:41

Worst mess was when ds1 was about 1 and managed to get into the fridge, remove a 2 litre carton of milk, get back through to the living room and pour it all over the rug in the time it took me to go to the loo.

I tried everything from carpet shampoo to bicarb, but eventually had to give in and chuck the cheesy rug in the bin.

It even tops the Sudocreme all over the sofa (also ds1, also while I was at the loo and to this day I don't know how he got hold of it hmm).

My least favourite dc-related cleaning job is getting dried weetabix off surfaces. I'd ban it if I had my way (unfortunately dh eats it too). Sometimes feels that a pneumatic drill would be the best tool to get rid of it.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 20-Sep-13 20:09:59

Is cif tested on animals? <head tilt>

Or shall I stick to my co-op own brand cream cleaner with the BUAV logo on it?.

Oh I think it would have to be the time that Dd ate play doh and spectacularly puked multi coloured slurry EVERYWHERE.

It was stuck in the cracks between the floorboards and everything. It looked so obvious as well as it was neon pink/blue/green.

Took a good couple of weeks before all traces of the offending matter had disappeared following daily scrubbings!confused

littlemonkeychops Fri 20-Sep-13 20:17:44

I agree about the weetabix, cements itself to any surface in about 10 minutes!

I nearly cried when DD knocked a full 4 pint of milk off the kitchen side when about 6 months (i was trying to make myself breakfast whilst holding her). It went all over the floor within seconds, including under all the cabinets, argh! (thankfully DD was too young to pick up on my language!).

shrinkingnora Fri 20-Sep-13 20:17:48

While we were staying in a B&B the other week DS1 leant over the side of his bed and did a spectacular puke on sleeping 3 year old DS2's face. He woke up shouting "what's going on? Why am I wet? I went to sleep and now this!". It was funny afterwards but cleaning up multiple pukes away from home with no cleaning equipment aged me no 20 years.

So sorry, Cif, but the worst cleaning up has not been the crayon on the walls or the poo smeared on the cot bars but anytime I have had to pick up chunks of vomit with bare hands at 3am.

RubySparks Fri 20-Sep-13 20:21:30

Hmm so many.... 9month old vomiting over me and the floor having gorged on breast milk after being in nursery. Driving to my mother's house with DCs by myself for first time, pulled up happily and turned around to see DS putting finishing touches to DD face with red Felt tip pen for 'chicken spots' or pre DC when bean bag split and had polystyrene all over the floor and the beads clinging to everything!

sleepyhead Fri 20-Sep-13 20:23:42

Oh poor you and poor ds2 (and ds1 who was ill obv), but "I went to sleep and now this" just cracked me up grin

shrinkingnora Fri 20-Sep-13 20:38:00

I had to wash his hair four times and it still stank.

malachite Fri 20-Sep-13 20:44:48

My little boy used to have a habit of pooing in the bath. That was always the worst to clean up and there would be two shivering little ones waiting for me to catch it all, drain the bath, clean the bath and run a new one! Stressful and gross!

farrowandbawl Fri 20-Sep-13 20:52:05

Cleaning up the"wet dreams" shall we say, off the hallway carpet, then finding out he had a tendency to sleep on my bed.

He was banished to the kitchen soon after that. Using a mop is a lot more pleasant than a scrubbing brush and then having to spot dry the damp patch made by a fully grown German Shephard.

unadulterateddad Fri 20-Sep-13 20:52:46

Cleaning vomit out of a sink full of washing up in a friend's house early in the morning to avoid anyone noticing. They thought I'd just been really helpful smile

GetKnitted Fri 20-Sep-13 21:07:52

blue food colouring on the kitchen counter... it has faded to purple cake

GetKnitted Fri 20-Sep-13 21:08:59

farrow that is the grossest thing I've ever heard shock

Theimpossiblegirl Fri 20-Sep-13 21:46:35

Don't let eggs boil dry while you're in the other room on mumsnet . They explode and bits go all over the kitchen- floor, walls, ceiling, everywhere.

Sicky sheets at 3am have got to be the stuff of nightmares.

But for sheer annoyance it has to be bloody hundreds and thousands when decorating buns. The sodding things get everywhere and appear to be hoover resistant.

AllSWornOut Fri 20-Sep-13 21:52:42

It's a toss up between sand (ugh, I hate sand) and the projectile poo DC2 did the other day.

I think the sand wins actually as DH cleaned up the poo grin

ginmakesitallok Fri 20-Sep-13 21:54:32

DD1 throwing up down the side if her cabin bed, covering bed, wall, toys, open toybox in vomit. That was pleasant

maxmissie Fri 20-Sep-13 22:02:36

Cat sick and cat poo in carpets, closely followed by human vomit! At least we now have wooden floors in most of our rooms so cleaning up such mess is nowhere near as bad as when we had carpets!

kateandme Fri 20-Sep-13 22:03:31

porridge left is like cement!!

manfalou Fri 20-Sep-13 22:16:40

although I have 2 small children, the worst mess I have EVER had to clean is after the cat when he got ill. He basically used the conservatory as a very large litter tray =/ Got up in the morning there were 3 piles of poop in various places of of the conservatory and cat wee everywhere. He'd peed on the sofa, the windowsill, on DS DP scaletrix. It smelt and looked like the elephant house at the zoo. Took me 2 hours to clean it, throwing away most of the things that were in there (welcome mat, sofa cover etc)

Never. Ever. again.

michelleblane Fri 20-Sep-13 22:42:36

When DS was around three years old, I had a group of mums from toddler group round for coffee and cakes, and the children were happily playing with toys. I noticed that two of the little girls had been out of the room for a few minutes and went to investigate. I found them in the bathroom surrounded by carnage. A large tub of greasy cream had been smeared over the toilet seat, bath taps and basin taps. Shampoo was squirted down the toilet, and toothpaste 'faces' were squeezed on the floor.
They immediately blamed each other and burst into tears!! The mums decided it was time to go home leaving me with the mess. Needless to say it took lots of cleaning and the shampoo filled toilet was a nightmare!
At least it all smelled quite nice.

Hopezibah Fri 20-Sep-13 22:42:58

we have had plenty!!! our son seems to be synonymous with the word MESS because he creates it wherever he goes. Even when he is 'helping' feed the baby porridge (and it all ends up on the floor) or 'helping' to clean the bathroom by smearing blue soap everywhere - there is always mess, mess, mess.

I think the most annoying was hubby treading autumn berries all around the house once. It was when I had newborn baby to look after and was exhausted - he offered to pop to the shops to be helpful and came back bringing red berries on his shoes and they got smeared all around the house. Took me all day to clean up!

maximum4 Fri 20-Sep-13 22:54:52

It has to be tipex - my LO painted it all over the TV as well as the table, her nails etc... Nightmare x

Cherrygrape Fri 20-Sep-13 22:58:42

My most recent bad one was when dd climbed onto a chair and got the food colouring out the cupboard. She spilt it all over the work top, floor, clothes and over her hands!

kelzw84 Sat 21-Sep-13 00:02:05

the worst one ive ever had to clean up
was not so long ago.
me and the kids were ill and in the afternoon we all went to bed.
only the kids woke up but decided not to wake me.
i woke up half hour to find my bath coloured in blue and black marker pen. only to walk past the mirror and find my face black with pen as well.
my own fault really but i could of cried sad

Custardo Sat 21-Sep-13 00:14:39

small children have naff all on teens and older children...CIF - invent a cleaning solution for this...

they make cereal, spill the milk, leave the cereal box on the the milk spillage, this then dries and there is now left, not only stinky milk but steadfast cardboard from cereal box.

it annoys me greatly - so much so i have prnted signs in the kitchen which say " I AM VERY CROSS ..."

DS has been very inventive and used a biro to now make this say
" I am A VERY hot CROSS bun

BlackberrySeason Sat 21-Sep-13 00:16:50

Toddler DS says he is 'making bled' (bread) - flour and seeds all over kitchen!! annoying and cute at the same time grin

heavenlyharry Sat 21-Sep-13 10:14:32

The worst mess I have ever had to clean up was when I worked in a nursery and one of the teachers decided porridge play would be fun! They stuff is like glue!! Took forever to clean off the children, tables, chairs, floor!! Never again

farrowandbawl Sat 21-Sep-13 10:44:23


It's not as though it was a huge puddle, just a bit more than a few drops. Still gross and annoying though. The vet did say that having him nutered would have solved a lot of it - but DP at the time was a bloody wus and wouldn't let the vet go through with it so opted to clear it all up from that point on.

NotAFeminist Sat 21-Sep-13 11:09:49

DC related - my nearly one year old went through this phase of really explosive runny poo's that always ended in me saying 'right, there is nothing for it - straight to the bath!' I'm pretty sure it happened at least once a day for about a month!!! one particular time, poo exploded out of the nappy, ran down his leg onto my clothes and when i lay him on his changing mat on the bed, he became soo wriggly and poo ended up all over the mat, on the mattress on the bed that I hadn't put a sheet on!!! it ended up all over DC's back, legs, IN HIS HAIR! and all over me. when I moved to the bathroom it went on the bathroom floor and stained his clothes. The whole bathroom needed cleaning after, DC needed a bath, the floor and carpet and bed needed cleaning, I needed to shower after... Needless to say, I am still haunted by the memory and cannot face Coronation Chicken anymore!!

Non DC related - my dog likes to hang around when I am feeding DC and sometimes DC likes to throw food to 'share' with the dog which usually is okay until one day (when I left the room for a sec), DC decided to share an organic rice cake. On my way back into the room I slipped on a warm, wet puddle of dog sick. There were 3 separate piles of dog sick on the carpet which was coloured pink from the rice cake. So now, the dog goes out of the room whilst I feed DC because that was just gross!!

asuwere Sat 21-Sep-13 13:40:47

DS spilt almost a whole bottle of baby oil on carpet - horrible to clean up but at least it smelt ok.
Also stupidly left sudocreme within his reach once (and never again!)
Worst has to be when DS was sick during night, he never made it out of his cabin bed in time so did it from top of his ladder - it went everywhere! And he'd had a blue ice lolly so it was blue vomit <boak>

ivykaty44 Sat 21-Sep-13 13:42:10

Oh I read that as tell Clif about the mess - why would Cliff Richard want o know about my mess

skyeskyeskye Sat 21-Sep-13 13:53:19

The crayon all over the flatscreen tv was a good one. Luckily it came off with wipes, but I could have cried.

Weetabix is one of the worst, its like cement stuck to the carpet!

Sudocrem is another one, smeared all over everything in sight one day.... not easy to clean as it is so greasy and water repellent!

I think one of the worst actually, was drawing all the over the UPVC patio doors with a black permanent marker pen.... wiped off it left a purple stain. It needed a white cleaner, ie CIF, to remove it.

oh and a blue felt tip pen, that leaked all its liquid all over the carpet.... the blue stain is still there..

BadlyWrittenPoem Sat 21-Sep-13 14:05:39

I think the hardest one I've had to clean is a tie between sudocrem everywhere and washing up liquid all over the bathroom - it's surprising how difficult lots of WUL is to clean up!

ListWriter Sat 21-Sep-13 14:18:35

My two year old pulled a tub of paint off the top of the table when I turned my back for two seconds. It split everywhere - all over the stripped wooden floors, all over his feet, all over his jeans and his shoes as he shouted at me "What happened? What happened?". I pulled him upstairs to wash him off under the shower, took him back downstairs (in only his nappy in case any more paint got anywhere) so I could clean the pain from the floor. I was on my hands and knees scrubbing at the floor, soap suds everywhere and simultaneously holding him back out of the paint, stopping him from "helping", trying to keep myself from getting my clothes covered in the paint and remaining calm whilst answering the question "what happened?" a million times. Even now, a couple of months later, he chats about "What happened? Spilt the paint".

steppemum Sat 21-Sep-13 15:09:37

Oh I have several worst ever

1. ds in top bunk woke up in the middle of the night and was sick, all over his bed, down the ladder, splattered over the bottom bunk (fortunately his sister had her head at the other end, so it got her teddies not her face) all over the floor, the toy box next to the bunk, the toys on the bottom bunk, and into the drawer under the bottom bunk - which I didn't discover for a couple of days when I was wondering where the smell was coming from.

2. neighbours cat spraying all over our house - the smell is truly awful

3. dd2 aged about 3 was at home, Daddy was on the computer and I was taken other dcs to school. She was in PJs and no nappy, as just potty trained. I came home and she had pooed herself and trodden it all over our lovely rug, the carpet and any toys lying on the floor. That was bad enough, but she had trodden it so far because she was busy decorating, she had a purple felt tip and she drew all over the walls, the doors, the radiators, the bath, the shower curtain, the basin, the loo and the lino floor. It was a rented house. It washed off the gloss paint and the bath etc, but we couldn't get it off the walls or the radiators which weren't painted. It took 5 coats of paint to cover the lines on the walls. The radiators came off with nail polish remover very slowly, one painstaking cm at a time. It took months!

Have just encountered one: Left dd (age 10) in the kitchen icing lemon drizzle cupcakes earlier this morning. The icing is the standard icing sugar and lemon juice.
Unbeknownst to me she had not only succeeded in drizzling the cakes but had splattered thin streaks of the icing up the splashback and kitchen wall as well as down the front of the kitchen units.

She did not tell me this.

I discovered this half an hour ago.

Icing sets like cement too. It took a green pan scourer and lots of water to get it off.... (and a fingernail or two)

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Sat 21-Sep-13 15:36:15

Definitely has to be the time I'd walked out the room to get my DS (about 2 yrs old at the time) some socks only to find him squatting and creating his own bottom art on my cream carpet. In my shock I let out a high pitched squeal which gave him such a fright he jumped up and stood in it, he then got another shock standing in the poo and jumped back creating more poo footprints. We then just stood in silence looking at each other in disbelief for what seemed like 5 minutes!

I can laugh about it now... grin

TemporarilyOutOfOrder Sat 21-Sep-13 16:09:17

Oh this brings back memories I want to forget. My worst one was when I was pregnant with dc3. I was having a sneaky lie down in the living room when I heard squeals of joy from the older two children. Went into the kitchen to discover they had made a "swimming pool" with a tin of emulsion and washing up liquid and were happily "swimming" in it starkers! I sobbed as I cleaned it.

loopyloou Sat 21-Sep-13 18:03:32

My dd enjoys creating new desserts and baking, but the kitchen looks like a bomb has hit it every time when she has finished. As I am trying to encourage her in being creative and also in cooking, I have not yet insisted on her tidying and washing up, although the time is near. She spreads cake batter up the tiles and over the floor, in the cutlery drawer and sometimes even in the fridge! I practically have to wipe down the whole kitchen to make sure I haven't missed some!

When she was 2 she got hold of a tube of nappy cream and "rubbed" it into her chest of drawers, cot, bedroom carpet and curtains! That was the worst mess I have ever had to clean up, as the cream was greasy and difficult to remove.

Iwaswatchingthat Sat 21-Sep-13 18:08:25

Sun tan lotion from a car interior. I thought dd was being quiet (age 2). On the plus side she is totally protected against the sun's harmful rays for the next 10 to 12 years!

YoungBritishPissArtist Sat 21-Sep-13 18:42:16

I rent and so have to tolerate carpet in my bathroom (why?!) I've had an epic period accident blush Bicarb did the trick smile Hopefully my LL won't notice when I move out...

Littleorangetree Sat 21-Sep-13 19:39:40

I think one of the worst messes I ever had to clean up was when my son managed to get hold of a bag of flour when he was 2. By the time I noticed he had it it was all over the entire house!

CourjorH Sat 21-Sep-13 20:58:25

Having 3 children I have had to clean many a mess (And still do even though the older two are pre-teens) but by far the hardest mess to clean has got to be nappy cream! My first child managed to smear it over her entire body! It took forever to clean. I'm happy to say I did learn from that incident, but it does seem to just spread itself :-) I think a very close second mess has got to be a leaky poo!

TheBreastmilksOnMe Sat 21-Sep-13 22:18:10

It's a toss up between dried on weetabix (which sets like concrete) off a rug or permanent marker off our dining table/curtains.

Ive just been given a bottle of Cif from my mum and the smell takes me back to childhood. I use it to clean my cooker, oven and kitchen surfaces.

chrismse Sat 21-Sep-13 22:23:17

Drunken teenagers being sick, there is not much worse, especially if they have been drinking anything with blackcurrant. Awfull!

new contender. egg onto the kitchen lino floor. shell yolk white everywhere impossible to get up. yuck angry

mawbroon Sat 21-Sep-13 23:15:39

Not actually physically the worst mess, but I felt gutted at having to clean up 6oz of expressed milk that I dropped on the floor.

To add insult to injury, it was in the middle of the night, DS1 hadn't woken and I was in agony and had to express to relieve the pain. I should have been sleeping!!

Madlizzy Sun 22-Sep-13 00:41:42

Not dirty, more mess. My triplets had a beanbag each when they were little, probably about 2 years old. They emptied all three beanbags out. It was like a snowstorm had hit the house. We were still finding polystyrene balls 2 years alter.

Babyonway3 Sun 22-Sep-13 07:14:57

Most annoying mess EVER..... a while ago my DH decided to try making home-made 'bio-diesel' fuel to run our car...basically recycled chip fat collected from restaurants... it sort of worked, but you smelt chips every time you accelerated! Anyway, he set up a 'filter system' in our kitchen, yes KITCHEN, barrels of oil being strained through tights - then went OUT and left one overflowing so I came from work to a flood of chip fat all over the floor! grease in everything, tile grooves, under cupboards, washing machine, fridge....yuk yuk yuk!

Jinty64 Sun 22-Sep-13 08:19:26

Well, in my (almost) 18 years of parenting, I've had a few! The time ds3 had d&v in the holiday caravan. This made more horrific buy our limited resources to clean it up, that I was there on my own with 3 ds's and that he managed to give the bug to all of us and only one set of bed linen for each bed. We often go back to the same site, but never the same van!

My worst was a home made batch of tomato soup left to cool in 2 litre ice cream containers on the work top, their lids propped on top to let the steam out. Once cool, I had moved then to the edge of the work surface, sealed the first one and turned to put it in the freezer. I heard ds1, then almost 3, say "ice-cream" and, in an instant, 4 litres of tomato soup engulfed the kitchen. He was covered from head to toe as was his crawling brother. It was under the fridge and washing machine and inside the open freezer and inside 3 pairs of wellies, nicely lined up at the back door - although this was not discovered until later! We were still finding the evidence years later.

Projectile vomit all over me, the bedding, the wall, the carpet, and in the crevices of the wooden dolls house.

newfashionedmum Sun 22-Sep-13 17:21:43

funnily enough only yesterday...accidentally knocked a whole pan of home made chicken stock onto the kitchen floor, along with the carcass that was draining into it...the fattiest splashiest grittiest mess I ever made, it went everywhere. And it was school run time, and we have two cats. I shut them out of the kitchen and left the mess to soak into the gaps in the floorboards. I mopped the floor three times and it still feels a bit greasy. On the plus side, the house smells of chicken stock and the cats got some lovely pickings of the carcass that had been on the floor :-)

ShatnersBassoon Sun 22-Sep-13 17:24:28

Puffy stickers off a white bookcase. I lost my cool, and a couple of fingernails.

Elainey1609 Sun 22-Sep-13 17:42:17

Baked beans and flour all over the kitchen we were baking when I was babysitting
Left alone for a second to answer the front door
Back in a second and it was carnage everywhere ...made worse by the very small was in every nook cranny and crevice possible
I laugh about it now ... But worst of it wad that it wasn't ben my house ..

MrsAJB Sun 22-Sep-13 17:53:24

My child is a dream to clean up after. He's a little neat freak! My cleaning nightmare is my husky's muddy paw prints all over my wooden floors and sofas... I want to use bleach but I know I can't!!!!

NowWhatIsit Sun 22-Sep-13 20:01:46

Was trying to be super efficient before a birthday party, made mega enormous jelly, but managed to tip whole lot over while it was still cooling, so semi liquid jelly splattered over entire kitchen, dripping into all drawers, all over me, every surface. Had to empty everything, scrape it all out, then wash. Smelt nice though.

whattodoo Sun 22-Sep-13 20:14:25

the most annoying thing to clear up is glitter. It never ends. It gets everywhere. I see it sparkling away on my smart suit when I'm giving a work presentation. It gets ingrained in the carpet. It finds its way into DPs beard (and he has a serious glitter aversion).
But not at vile as many of the above!

sharond101 Sun 22-Sep-13 21:49:22

Breastmilk all over our brand new car due to opening the bottle of expressed milk the wrong way. It was 27 degrees outside and by the time we got home DS was screaming as he was so hungry and we were belching as the smell was so bad!

daisybrown Sun 22-Sep-13 23:45:49

Dog poo spread all up the stairs on little ones shoes

CointreauVersial Mon 23-Sep-13 00:07:30

Hmmmm......could be the time DS decided to transfer the contents of his sandpit into the dining room.

Or maybe the time DD1 drew biro stick men all over the cream sofa......

No horrendous poo calamities here, than goodness.

Stujobohm Mon 23-Sep-13 08:26:08

My 3 year old daughter tried to help me by getting the milk out of the fridge.... She dropped 6 pints of milk everywhere..... It was under the fridge freezer, on the walls, in every nook and cranny.... Took a lot of cleaning x

elizaco Mon 23-Sep-13 09:45:20

When my 12 year old daughter accidentally spilt a full plate of spaghetti bolognese all over the sitting room carpet. Probably my own fault for begrudgingly let her bring it into the sitting room in the first place as she didn't want to miss something on TV - something I won't be allowing again!

openerofjars Mon 23-Sep-13 12:17:18

I have spent quite a lot of this morning cleaning spaghetti bolognese and raisin vomit from DD's cot, the wall, her monkey, the floor and her bedding.

7am is not a good time to hear your 4yo say, "Mummy, DD's pooed all over her cot and it smells awful!". That's not poo, son. That's more vomit than feasibly fits into a baby, and seeing as it's Daddy's birthday it would be unfair to ask him to deal with it (even when a good two hours of Mumm's birthday were spent cleaning cat poo from the laminate, but that's another story and it' just Daddy' good luck to have been at work).

It will be some time before we have spag bol again.

elah11 Mon 23-Sep-13 12:29:35

It would have to be either the time dd as a toddler foundthe tub of vaseline I used for nappy changes and smeared it all over the walls, floor, cot etc, it was murder to clean up, or else the time the same dd dropped a pot of airfix paint on ds1s new carpet. I couldn't wash it out and had to buy a big rug to cover it up.

glitch Mon 23-Sep-13 12:36:27

Oh I have so many!
The worst ones are possibly the tub of sudocrem on the carpet (yes, there is still a massive stain there, it never comes out).
For yuck factor, it must be the poo, smeared all over the door, the walls, the radiator and on his hands. My DS greeted me with "raaaaahrrrr, I am a tiger". Not sure which particular type of tiger smear their poo over everything but my DS did a marvelous impression, you can imagine how delighted with him I was.

WowOoo Mon 23-Sep-13 13:02:24

I have quite a few also!

This isn't really the worst or even hardest to clean, but the most enduring.
My sons were arguing who would go first making 'maracas' with split peas.
My eldest snatched the bag off my youngest son and ripped it open and the whole, (quite large) bag flew everywhere. He was in the doorway between the kitchen and dining room.

I can't tell you how long it has taken to pick up or vacuum every pea because I'm still finding them 2.5 years later. grin

Spirael Mon 23-Sep-13 13:24:12

The most long lasting one was the time one of the cats managed to bring in an unharmed but very pissed off bird from the garden. Cat promptly dropped the bird in the kitchen then legged it.

The bird then went mental and flew all around the kitchen, knocking things over as it tried to escape. In the process it managed to knock a nearly full bottle of rum, that we'd brought back from our honeymoon, off the top of the fridge.

The bottle smashed into a million pieces, sending glass and rum all over the kitchen. It even went as far as the dining area which was, at the time, carpeted. It took ages to clear it all up, and our house smelt like we were raging alcoholics for weeks!

On the plus side, I have a really good explanation for "But why is the rum gone?!"

Tangfasticlady Mon 23-Sep-13 13:24:23

My most memorable clean up occurred following bath time one evening. The children had been bathed and were drying off. I nipped downstairs to fetch their nightwear, when my then 2 year old DD called out "Mummy I've made snow". I went upstairs to find her looking very pleased for herself and holding a brand new, now empty large bottle of baby powder. The little minx had spread the whole lot around her bedroom, over her toys, her bed and her clothes. It took hours of hoovering, washing and damp dusting to get rid of the mess. I couldn't tell her off though as she looked so proud of herself and at least it left the room smelling scrummy!

CheeryCherry Mon 23-Sep-13 13:58:37

DD was sick in the middle of the night, half way down the wooden open attic splattered off every step as she was stranded on the stairs, vomiting over and over again. It was on every wall on the landing, the ceiling of the staircase, the photos and pictures on the wall and on the landing carpet, plus all over the bedroom doors.After showering her down and then drying her hair, it took 2 hours of scrubbing EVERYWHERE to do the first sweep. Then a trip to tesco at 3am for more cleaning products, and another hour working on the carpet when I got home. We had guests staying over night,so I was under major pressure to get it all sorted. They thought I was just a bonkers cleaning freak, until I explained later that morning. Nightmare! She now has a bucket in her bedroom if she should ever feel queasy again!

GooseyLoosey Mon 23-Sep-13 14:06:21

Dd had a vomitting virus. Our house is long and thin and upstairs there as a 20 foot long hallway with wooden floors. Dd's room is at one end. Aged about 5 she came out of her room crying because she had been sick, was sick again and kepy running down the hall. Skidded on the floor and fell over in it, spraying stuff up all the walls. Ds (6) came charging up the stairs to see what all the fuss was about. He too skidded in a pool of vomit. The two of them were lying on the floor, covered in head to foot.

I came upstairs and could have wept when I saw the mess. I couldn't imagine where to start. It was like a horror film!

Compared to that, jam and crayon pale into insignificance!

Marne Mon 23-Sep-13 14:10:57

My dd2 managed to get a pot of paint just after we moved into our house, I had just painted the walls white and had a new mattress ready to go on our bed. She found a pop of dark purple/plum paint and painted a strip around the walls, straight over the radiator and the mattress which was lent against the wall and then across the new carpet. I phoned my dm up in tears and she cam over to help clean up and repaint the walls, we had to steam the carpets and the mattress.

My dd2 has Autism and sadly these things happen quite often, paint is now locked away in the shed smile.

prakattack Mon 23-Sep-13 15:13:01

Ooh so many to choose from! The tub of Sudocrem spread all over both children, the cot, the floor, the walls, etc etc... the toilet training accidents (when under major pressure to clean quickly as I also had a crawling 8 month old!)... or the exploding bottle of wine pulled from teh rack that shattered into a million tiny pieces and went EVERYWHERE! I found pieces of glass all over the kitchen, all down the hall to the front door and right into the utility to the opposite wall and behind the radiator - horrible!

derektheladyhamster Mon 23-Sep-13 15:16:48

Toss up between the tub of sudocrem liberally applied over son's bedroom, including bed,bedding,toys,carpet and cuddly toys!

Or when he was helping me put the shopping away, and unbeknown to me, had put a tin of beans in the oven. I thought the boiler had exploded when I next turned the oven on the warm up. That wasn't an easy spill to clear up!

My son decided to "help" mummy

5L of white emulsion does not wash out of a red carpet very well

I tried everything

stealthsquiggle Mon 23-Sep-13 15:41:57

Many of the worst ones have not been the DC. Bloody lily pollen on beige carpet. Wine down white painted wall. Beetroot off ceiling (liquidiser fail). Most annoying DC related one is dried on weetabix. It appears to be impervious to all cleaning /scrubbing and basically has to be sanded off - how does that happen confused?

pud1 Mon 23-Sep-13 15:45:04

marmite in dining table. dds 4 and 5yo love spreading there own butter, ajm, nutella or marmite. marmite is the work of the devil. leave it until after the school run and it dries like boody glue

Clawdy Mon 23-Sep-13 17:24:05

A full, opened bottle of cooking oil on top of the fridge tipped over and went all down the back of it. Nightmare...

RegainingUnconsciousness Mon 23-Sep-13 17:39:22

This might out me, but it happened nearly 10 years ago now!

We had all finished uni the summer before, but a few friends remained doing masters courses etc. So a few of us visited, and stayed in a friend's (friend A) house while she stayed with her boyfriend. There was a night out, and a good friend (Friend B) ended up completely incoherent but oddly still upright!

We all settled into the room we were sharing, and drunk friend B appeared looking shifty. After some questioning, and not a lot of info, I popped my head out of the door.

She'd vommed all the way up the stairs, and literally from one wall to the other in the bathroom. I had to rummage around to find cleaning things to clean absolutely everything, including standing in the bath to reach the far wall. This is all at 3am, of course, after a few drinks myself. I couldn't let Friend A's housemates wake up to the utter grossness of it all. I don't think I did a particularly good job, but it was certainly an improvement.

Of course, Friend B dozed happily off and I still don't think she quite believes how vast an area she pebble dashed that night.

Still, it set me up with some skills that came in handy later! (Travel sick DS, washable nappies, sick kids at camp, etc)

<shudders at the memory>

RegainingUnconsciousness Mon 23-Sep-13 17:41:13

Oops, read the op again, that wasn't DC. Although I'm sure he'll treat us to similar things in the next 18 years!

Cies Mon 23-Sep-13 19:36:19

Hmm, well the worst thing I've ever had to clean up is dog related, not dc. Dog vommed in car, turned out it had eaten rotten fish. envy

Dc related, it's got to be tomato sauce EVERYWHERE. Good job I'm not too houseproud

RubyRR Mon 23-Sep-13 22:11:27

Vomit in the back seat of my car despite cleaning it so many times each time the car warmed up the smell came back. Months later when putting the seats down for a trip to the tip I found the mouldy remains of the vomit, cleaned all that up which helped but the faint smell remained especially when sunny.
Yesterday I made a chocolate mousse but put the wrong bowl in the food mixer stand, there was chocolate up the walls, over the work top, down the doors, under the walls units and all over me. I still served up the remains and instructed everyone not to complain if it tasted a bit different this time, it wasn't well mixed and wasn't very mousse like.

aristocat Mon 23-Sep-13 23:08:36

Well, it has to be when DS was sick in his high-sleeper. Sick everywhere, in the bed, stairs, bottom bunk, carpet. Awful. Too many times have I had to change bedclothes at 3am .......

Or we had almost driven home after being at Chester Zoo. We all had a splendid day and were all shattered, called in at the Fish and Chip shop for something to eat. All good, so far. Then I realised we needed a loaf of bread so went into the corner shop next door and DD covered their floor in sick. It was so sudden she didn't have time to speak and was so upset at the mess. The staff were lovely and we cannot go in there without thinking of that day (a few years ago now).

Ida3456 Tue 24-Sep-13 06:23:07

The worst 2 stains in our house...

Dried on banana stains when LO tried it for the first time & it went everywhere. It went all black and horrible and vanish did not help!!

And then an explosive yellow poo from the days when LO was exclusively breast fed - all over the cot, me, the carpet etc etc. The carpet was the most difficult to clean...

Dylanlovesbaez Tue 24-Sep-13 07:41:12

The most annoying mess was tar on the carpet! It's still there, couldn't shift it!

MissRee Tue 24-Sep-13 11:08:54

Sudocreme in the carpet! Bloody nightmare to get out.

Bubbles85 Tue 24-Sep-13 12:02:04

Oh I really have to agree with everyone who has said Weetabix. The box should come with a warning!

vivianallman Tue 24-Sep-13 12:09:35

cif is great for my cooker hob, i had an accident recently and the dog hit the hob button to on, it melted a plastic jug of custard i had left on top to cool down, the plastic burnt onto the glass hob and the custard with it, cif however was brilliant... and it came up spotless, could have been a disater, but cif saved the day

ibbydibby Tue 24-Sep-13 12:14:50

Mine is similar to Jinty64 soup disaster, though broccoli soup rather than tomato.

Had made vat-loads (well 2 huge tupperware containers) of broccoli soup, to freeze, in readiness for family get-together few days afer Christmas. They were puushed to back of work top out of harm's way, to cool down prior to freezing. At this point they were lidless, lids still in cupboard. After couple of hours I wandered into the kitchen, decided soup had cooled, moved containers to front of work top and turned to get lids out of cupboard. In that time DS2 then aged 3 yrs, came into kitchen and pulled one of tubs to have a look. Obv it fell from worktop, showering him and the Flotex (remember that?) in piles of green soup. DS was easily cleaned, but the carpet took a lot of scrubbing...

k8vincent Tue 24-Sep-13 13:40:04

When DS1 threw up broccoli cheese over cream carpet of DH's aunt and uncles house. Fortunately they weren't there, but it took ages to remove all the little bobbly green bits. He only ate a tiny portion and yet there was broccoli all over the hallway. I have never cooked broccoli cheese again.

Lilpickle08 Tue 24-Sep-13 13:46:40

Most annoying messes have been those created by dried Weetabix - what is it about Weetabix that makes it so cement like..??!

But I have to say, the one 'mess' that sticks out in my memory is perhaps one you'd best not read about whilst eating. It would be the time my lovely little boy decided to take his nappy off in his cot. I went into his room, expecting to be greeted by his beaming smile (which I did). However, I was also met with the most overpowering smell of poo. Yes, the little tinker had taken his nappy off and smeared the contents all over his mattress, up the side of the cot and 'interestingly' all over his face <boke>.

The image has tainted me forever!

Fluffy101 Tue 24-Sep-13 18:12:28

Our cat using the garage as a toilet and sprayed everywhere even though her litter tray was sat there... To say it stank was an understatement it had saturated so much stuff that had to go in the bin and getting cat urine out of concrete flooring is not a mean feat, I had to use neat jeys fluid every hour for 4 days to get rid of it

Weaning stage definitely, although having a dog helped get rid of the chunkier dropped bits.
Having a dog did backfire though when it decided to raid the bin shortly after I'd cleared out the cupboards and dumped a huge bag of out of date popping corn. That was the biggest mess ever and I'm still finding corn kernels wedged between the floorboards.
The hardest thing I've ever had to remove was lansinoh when I was bfing and DS squeezed the tube over the sofa.

stephgr Wed 25-Sep-13 01:49:22

The worst mess I have had to clean up (apart from all the potty training mishap messes) has been when the children were doing arts and crafts - there was paint, glitter and glue all over the kitchen table, work surfaces and floor.

JS06 Wed 25-Sep-13 08:32:44

We were a stop-off point on the A1 for a friend with two young children a few years back. I had only met the children a few times previously as we don't live near one another. I gave them toys, my older daughter was supervising showing them round etc. Silly daughter wandered off to leave the two young ones to unstick loads of panty liners and use them as the smile on smiley faces which they drew on the landing wall with crayons. That took some shifting! It's funny in hindsight and I wish I'd taken photos for posterity but you live and learn.

BigGapMum Wed 25-Sep-13 10:57:07

Not long after I had first left home my mum had given me a pressure cooker as she was a big fan of them.
I was cooking a beef casserole when the safety valve on the pressure cooker exploded causing a fountain of gravy to spurt out and hit the ceiling before covering almost the entire kitchen with gravy.
It was everywhere, dripping off the ceiling, covering the cooker and running down the sides, not to mention over the fridge, floor, worktops and cupboards. And I had to clean it up whilst suffering from awful morning sickness.

I'll never use a pressure cooker again. I don't care how quickly they cook!

redgate Wed 25-Sep-13 10:58:16

I decided to be all sensible and practical, so my entire house has laminate/vinyl flooring, the only thing that is beautiful on my floor is my fluffy rug in the lounge, which is the exact and only place where I forgot to close the clip on FC's gastrostomy tube - twice! sad

Spottybra Wed 25-Sep-13 11:15:57

Annoying but acceptable - food such as porridge and weetabix.

Annoying and totally unacceptable - dd aged 2 is a real foodie and will often hide food in her market stall, her brothers tractor, her dolls house - I know most of the hiding places but she keeps thinking up new ones. I have to sit with her now whilst she eats after finding jelly inside the tractor, being alerted by a trail of ants. I left her sat at the table eating it after dinner whilst I washed up. I praised her for bringing the empty bowl and spoon into the kitchen!

Annoyingly yuk - I was cleaning up 4yr old ds vomit off the bed, bath, bathroom floor and loo at 1:30am.

Just plain annoying - muddy and wet paw prints on a newly cleaned floor!

dappledawn Wed 25-Sep-13 11:36:16

DS tipped his orange juice onto the pale carpet, and it also splattered all over the TV remote buttons, the DVD player and under a side table, which I didn't realise was sticky and dripping until several days later. Cleaned it up with whatever came to hand (it might have been Cif!).. One of the worst things about this was the timing - I was desperate for a wee and it was just before we had to rush off to school in the morning! angry (Better than poo or vomit I suppose, though).

madhairday Wed 25-Sep-13 11:42:06

2 year old.

Permanent ink pen with loose screwy thing on top.

New cream carpet.

New Ikea shelf unit.

Navy blue toddler.

Need I say more?

That, and the Sudacrem Incident, as it is known in our house.

sighbynight Wed 25-Sep-13 11:54:37

We had picked a couple of kilos of brambles on Sunday, which I had reduced to about a litre of coulis. It was sitting in the kitchen in a lidded Tupperware jug, awaiting freezing, so I sat down in the living room with dc3 to read the Magic Key. Yet again.

Dc1 was 6/7 at this stage. I saw him sneak past the door in the manner of a pantomime burglar.

The kitchen looked as if a cow had been sacrificed in in it. Apparently, he had been doing an experiment to see if the lid stayed on when tipped upside down. And guess what? It didn't.

I stepped into the kitchen to get a better view, slipped in the coulis, flew up in the air and landed on my back (cashmere cardi, of course) right in the middle of it.

The cardi was ruined, the kitchen took about 2 hrs to sort (you would be amazed how much a litre is when it is sticky and purple and thinly spread all over the place) and the floor tile grout never did recover.

When my dd covered herself and the carpet/walls/ceilings(not quite!) in sudocreme. That stuff is like waterproof squidgy gloss glue.hmm

beeelaine Wed 25-Sep-13 12:49:30

oh no, the worst ever would be during our sons potty training - it seemed to take forever to get him to use the toilet, the worst ever clean up was im ashamed to say when we went to my mothers house and he had reached the stage of going to the bathroom himself and then i would go in and wipe his bottom and make sure he washed his hands afterwards. Well my mother said she would sort him out to give me a break and she went upstairs and came down and said I'd better come upstairs and see - he had smeared poo on and in the toilet, the floor, stood and walked it all over the bathroom floor, as well as his bottom, legs, underpants, clothes and hands it was on the bathroom sink, taps, the liquid soap bottle on the sides and the pump, on the cup with my mother and dads and my youngest sisters toothbrushes - and yes he had touched them too so they went in the bin cos they were coated in poo, she has a windowsill full of little ornaments - yes he handled those, the only thing clean was the towel!!! When he burst into tears I felt like joining in! I felt awful and I couldn't believe he had done it because he never did anything like that before and it took ages to get him and my mothers bathroom clean again.

firawla Wed 25-Sep-13 13:49:30

sudocreme or drawing on the walls

tanfastic Wed 25-Sep-13 14:20:29

Has to be the dreaded dried Weetabix. It sets like concrete. Have been known to use it if I run out of glue wink

pussinwellyboots Wed 25-Sep-13 14:47:28

most annoying had to be when ds (3) decided to colour in the laminate floor. It should have come off easily (washable felt tip), but no it took ages of scrubbing and still left a mark.

Plenty of poo related ones here and getting chocolate ice cream off clothes surprised me in its difficulty!

WaitingForMe Wed 25-Sep-13 15:35:53

As I was running out of the door to go on holiday I knocked a bottle of cough syrup off the kitchen counter. I muttered an expletive and left. A week later the glass studded slick was a nightmare to clean up.

LaVitaBellissima Wed 25-Sep-13 16:11:23

Potty training twins has involved a lot of washing, cleaning and patience!

gwencooper81 Wed 25-Sep-13 17:17:19

I once followed a tip that advised smearing shampoo on a bathroom mirror to avoid it steaming up.
Mess does not describe it.
Oh and the talc we put on the dark brown carpet on Xmas eve as 'footprints' from the big FC, never ever again <slowly shakes head at the hoover being dragged out at 12am on xmas eve>

sealight123 Wed 25-Sep-13 20:46:13

The worst to clean up (especially in a house with a 2 year old and a dog) poo, wee and sick....every now and then it is takes one of them to be poorly're elbow deep in the worst of the worst smells...all because they can't help it...they can't help being poorly but mammy has to suck it up for the greater good and get on cleanup duty (which she never seems to be off) :P

O and milk....sour milk...spilt on carpets in places you didn't know you had carpets

BettyBotter Wed 25-Sep-13 20:56:29

2 occasions have scarred me for life spring to mind.
1. Ds vomited copiously both behind the radiatior and down the gap between the panels (of the double radiator). For weeks after, despite chucking buckets of disinfectant down there, the smell every time the heating came on...
2. DDog ate something putrid and got violent diarrhoea. Then walked it through the house. The kitchen looked like the Somme. Blerrrrgggh.

Eastpoint Wed 25-Sep-13 22:12:51

My lovely now deceased dog Buzio once opened our kitchen cupboard when we had gone out, pierced a carton of apple juice & then dragged a full bag of flour onto the floor. What a nasty sticky mess. 11 years later I still remember it.

Turnipvontrapp Wed 25-Sep-13 23:33:26

Sick in a car, poo in a bath, or the balsamic vinegar dropped everywhere last night.

BeCool Thu 26-Sep-13 11:38:01

Porridge, porridge, porridge.
It might be a fantastic breakfast that keeps the DC going until lunch, but when my 2 year old eats it it does seem to get everywhere. And on the odd occasion her bowl get's tossed - goodness help me.
And it sticks.
And spreads.
And sets.

BeCool Thu 26-Sep-13 11:40:16

turnip's post just reminded me of DD1 vomiting in the car enroute to see Santa.

Not only all over car seat & back of car, but all over her winter coat and somehow every layer of clothing underneath the coat. We had nothing for her to change into and it was a long, very smelly, ride home in dreadful London weekend traffic.

blondieminx Thu 26-Sep-13 14:46:30

Worst was cauliflower cheese sick out of hallway carpet and off of myself thanks to refluxy DD.

I can still remember the smell <shudders and is grateful for bicarb>

MissPlumBroughtALadder Thu 26-Sep-13 14:48:22

Can I suggest never letting your dog eat a tub of fish oil capsules? Too much fish oil cannot harm the dog but it can harm your mother's super expensive bespoke pale green macrosuede designer sofa. Because it can cause anal leakage. Fish-scented dog poo-scented anal leakage.

helivalentin Thu 26-Sep-13 14:57:47

The worst was when I had to clean my kids room including toys and hidden half-eaten food (yuck!) because a) they just HAD to do their homework right at that time b) it was disgusting c) I couldn't take it anymore. I once made the mistake of promising them a treat if they'd clean their room and ever since then I think they've thought it's best to let it get filthy because cleaning their room = treats. Silly, I know. Regrettable, oh yes! First AND last time for everything.. wink

flamingtoaster Thu 26-Sep-13 14:59:51

My DS was an enthusiastic but messy eater - it used to take ages to clean his high chair - and I agree porridge and Weetabix set like concrete if you don't get it quickly.

TeaJunky Thu 26-Sep-13 15:06:58

Nothing too unusual but I was heavily pregnant with dc2 (and extremely
Nauseous) and dd (then 3) vomited all over the new fabric sofas without a seconds notice.

I wretched for England while cleaning it up which upset her hugely and she cried and cried afterwards confusedconfusedconfused

tinypumpkin Thu 26-Sep-13 19:05:47

I am not sure I can compete with some of these but it was the ever flowing sick that was DD3 this winter. A horrid bug that kept on giving. My washing machine could not come and their was sick everywhere (carpet, washing, me). Not helped by me having been ill the night before. What a night!

NorkyButNice Thu 26-Sep-13 19:38:24

When 5 yr old DS1 tripped over and bit through his bottom lip, knocking out a tooth and deeply cutting his chin.

All in our hallway, blood everywhere... Grim.

iteminbaggingarea Thu 26-Sep-13 20:28:17

Spatters of grease on the slate tiles that each time I mopped seemed to return. Kept thinking they would go - eventually I threw all cleaning products including some US illegal toxic lemon liquid that claims to dissolve rock at them...but no. Turned out it was wood oil that my dp had used to oil the table which has some sort of plastate (sp) that sets it. My floor will NEVER look 100% clean again - that feels bad inside.

Hassled Thu 26-Sep-13 20:33:06

If we're allowed to consider pets as children (which I know we're not), then cleaning black oil off a cat is my cleaning low point. I used Swarfega and then shampoo, and I lost a fair amount of blood in the process - cat was a ball of hissing, spitting fury.

I was warned, when I was expecting twins, that they would encourage and enable each other to get into trouble; help each other up onto work surfaces, for example.

Two situations come to mind - one was when I left them (aged around 18 months) in front of the TV while I did a quick whizz round upstairs with the vacuum cleaner. Must've been gone all of 10 minutes, but when I came down they had got a bag of flour and some yogurt and rubbed them into the sofa. I couldn't see across the room because of the flour in the air. The little dears just looked innocently at me.

Second time was when my posh and child-free ex-boss came to visit us in our new house. I showed her the twins' bedroom and she asked me what was that brown stuff around the plug socket. I glanced at it, knew, and said "Chocolate," but before I could get her out of the room my daughter put her hand in her nappy and helpfully smeared on some more. smile The darling.

TwerkingTaxCredit Thu 26-Sep-13 20:46:42

I added this storey to a thread once. My toddler came down stairs at the grandparents house saying 'mummy I've done a poo' I went up stairs and was relieved to see there was just a small amount of poo in the bed. I went to the bathroom to clean my toddler and it was covered in poo. The toilet, the bath, the soap, the rug.... She's obviously tried to clean up. It looked like a poo bomb had gone off!

Sent dh up to give 20mo dd2 a bath. As usual he took her nappy off in the bathroom and dumped it on the floor. 3am
I get up to go to the loo and stand on the nappy, then realise what it is and kick it out of the way to sort in the morning. All fine until I'm mid-wee and realise I can smell poo. The nappy was poo side down on the floor hmm and the poo is now squelched into the floor and skidded along where I kicked it and also on my feet. I taught myself some new swear words as I scrubbed my feet and disinfected the floor in the dead of night.

SaltySeaBird Thu 26-Sep-13 21:06:37

My DD at 11 months discovered she could take her nappy off. She had done quite a liquid poo, pulled the nappy off and waved it round her head. The resulting spray was disgusting and I was dry heaving as I attempted to stop her further spreading poo on herself and the floor, prevent myself from being covered and clean it all up.

Solo Thu 26-Sep-13 23:51:00

Dd came down the stairs a couple of years ago ~ she had that look in her eyes, the one that says "I'm about to hurl" and she did! I caught most of it in my cupped hands, but the cream carpet <stupid colour choice!> copped a lot of it too. Oh yes! it was home made spag bol. Lots of tomato!!

YoniMatopoeia Thu 26-Sep-13 23:52:04

So many poo stories!
Who would have thought it.

My worst is engine oil encrusted DH coming in and washing his hands on the most splattery way you can imagine....

Over the washing up, the wall, the sink, the floor...

How he is still alive, I am not quite sure.

8mhigh Fri 27-Sep-13 00:33:51

The amount and frequency of liquid spilt by a child is proportionate to the viscosity and stain fix-ability of said liquid.

In other words, they never just spill water.

stringornothing Fri 27-Sep-13 07:07:47

DCs are beyond the poo and gratuitous felt tip stage but last week DH was away and I said that instead of a bedtime story we'd curl up in front of Great British Bake Off and eat popcorn in our pyjamas.

I put the popcorn on - went into another room to pick something up, and the phone rang... When DH looked out of the patio doors the next morning he saw the carbonised remains of a saucepan full of popcorn, which I'd dumped out there to prevent the smoke detector kicking off, staring back at him. Three overnight soaks, four trips through the dishwasher, and several scrubs later, and my favourite saucepan is still not itself again.

DS1, the pre-school years. Tumbledrier filled with 2 litres of ribena, then turned on. Flat liberally coated in purple poster paint whilst I was on the phone. Sugar sandwiches created at 3am leaving the kitchen encrusted with sugar and butter. That boy was a handful. Imaginative, destructive in a creative kinda way. On the plus side I learned how to dismantle and reassemble a small tumbledrier!

Alidoll Fri 27-Sep-13 08:07:10

Projectile vomit (with pasta lumps). All over the carpet, walls, my bed, DDs bed, her hair, her pj's - everywhere. That was at 1.30am so not at my best either. Now got a very lethargic daughter sitting next to me watching Tickety Tock...poor wee mite.

Worst mess.... DD1 was about 2 and she found a tub of tester paint in he bathroom. She painted herself an went walking around the house touching things, not only did I have to deal with the puddle on the bathroom floor but the footprints on carpet and handprints on the wall. Funny enough I used Cif on the bathroom but my carpets never recovered!

nerysw Fri 27-Sep-13 10:04:31

On Sunday there was a lot of vomit in my daughter's bedroom after she caught a stomach bug. I surveyed the scene with dismay and thought we'd need a new carpet (thankfully my gadget obsessed partner bought a carpet shampooer a while back..) and it was a nightmare to clean up. And not at all fun.

Tyranasaurus Fri 27-Sep-13 10:13:12

Other people's children. My sister's kid, after me saying 'Oh, I think he needs a wee' and 'I'd rather the kids stayed in the play room', was allowed to go and bounce on my new sofa where he promptly did a huge wee.

RedBushedT Fri 27-Sep-13 12:22:51

Jet black vomit on a pale coloured carpet after ds had eaten a load of black icing from his cousin's birthday cake (made to look like a black widow spider)
It was horrific.
To be honest. I can STILL see the stain in certain lights...

AllThatGlistens Fri 27-Sep-13 12:51:09

DS1 is autistic and had a very long phase of smearing poo (common for those on the spectrum- they think it's like play doh.. sigh )

I used to be in tears bleaching and disinfecting walls, floors, beds, tvs, toys, you name it, he got it! every time he pooed, for an entire year and rarely now! but it will sometimes crop up again when he has a growth spurt, seems to trigger slight regressions in him sad

Or the time DD smeared an entire large tub of Vaseline in her hair.. That was fun! You wouldn't believe the amount of uses bicarb of soda has grin

Or the time DS2 got the sudocrem, a whole tub, all over himself, he looked like Casper the friendly ghost!

I could go on forever... grin

AllThatGlistens Fri 27-Sep-13 12:52:35

Apologies for the random exclamation marks, damn iPad has a mind of its own

LaTrucha Fri 27-Sep-13 14:34:39

Paint spatter right up my kitchen wall. Frequently, from 2 small DCs getting right into their painting.

Same kitchen wall when DS was starting to eat. We called his place in the stinky corner. He would smear the wall and drop food off the stray into the very corner deliberately. We had to put his chair there though as in every other place he could push his chair over by kicking against the table. Grrr

Hollanda Fri 27-Sep-13 15:24:37

Ooh the top of our cooker when DH had been trying to cook a chilli. I say trying to. He'd had a few drinks, and there was chilli sauce literally burnt to the top of the cooker.

Oh and when he left cold custard in a saucepan. In my defence, I absolutely cannot look at custard without feeling nauseous and ill. He cleaned it up eventually, but I really feel horrid every time I think about it.

MichelleMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 27-Sep-13 15:52:05

Thank you everyone for adding your thoughts and comments. Congratulations to NotAFeminist who has won the prize draw!

Jux Fri 27-Sep-13 15:55:09

The worst ever, ever, ever. In the world, in the multiverse. In the entire history of time.

Picture this. Some years ago: shower room leaks and is therefore never used, shower itself in a partitioned off corner (bought the place like that, not my fault). We had outgrown our flat since dd was born and this room was full to overflowing with stuff.

As well as dd, we had cats.

Some time after we last squeeeeeeeezed something into the room, I notice an odd smell whenever I go past the door. I know what I'm going to find, and I am scared so ask dh to help me. He knows what we're going to find too, and is also scared. We pathetically put off moving everything out of the spare room and searching through it all for the source until the weekend.

Saturday. Day One.
Monumental task. All day we search through mountains which are unscalable without paragliding equipment and oxygen. Oh and crampons.

There is nothing but the smell. Nice and strong. No sign of its source.

We make camp and sleep. DD has been sent to Granny's to keep her out of the way safe.

Sunday morning. Day Two.
Our crampons have failed, our supplies are running low. Oxygen is out and tempers are fraying. There is only one place to go now, but it is dangerous. Why oh why did we not bring masks?

First approach is made by dh. He employs his ice axe with flair and flips the shower door open.

We have reached our goal.

There, in the base of the shower, semi-liquid and fragrant, still feathered, is our reward. DH splutters those immortal words: "I am going outside. I may be some time."

You may feel that this is clearly a pet mess and should be disqualified; indeed, it started as one. However, when dd was returned to us, we told her of our epic adventure. "That's my bird!" she says. "I put it in a very safe place so the cats couldn't play with it any more." (NB, it was already dead before she got to it <boak>).

Trills Sat 28-Sep-13 11:35:14

The most annoying mess I've ever had to clean up is when I was a PhD student in a biology lab.

Think of it as the equivalent of dropping a litre of unset jelly. Special quick-set jelly. Special smelly if-any-is-left-in-a-corner-anywhere-it-WILL-grow-mould jelly.

I didn't actually do the dropping, but we all helped clear it up!

BadMissM Sat 28-Sep-13 22:09:57

Hmmm.... my DD created many messes worthy of writing about. There was the time that she smeared my brand-new and expensive facecream all over the bathroom.....and I mean tiles, mirrors, tiled floor, sink, bath, the lot. There wasn't an inch that she hadn't smeared with it....heavy, greasy, expensive night cream. I wanted to cry for two reasons! It took one hell of a lot of CIF to shift that lot.

Then there was the time that she drew in red lipstick all over my mother's new, pale pink, bedroom carpet.....I cleaned, and cleaned (but to no avail).

But I think the worst was when she decided to surprise me by making a cake. I kept finding oceans of flour everywhere for weeks afterwards....and the kitchen looked like the after-effects of a snowstorm, flour, and icing sugar....

Snog Fri 25-Oct-13 07:58:37

my little dd vommed in the back of my new car on the cream upholstery having just had tomato soup for lunch....she stuck her head out of the window but it flew back in...

wonkylegs Fri 25-Oct-13 08:07:04

Weetabix & shredded wheat dried on is harder than concrete and is almost impossible to shift. It was at it's worst when DS had only just started to feed himself and there was more on the floor/chair/walls/table than in his mouth but even now at 5 we get splatter and if you miss it you need a jackhammer and a ton of elbow grease to shift it.
DS isn't bad as kids go for mess but once at 2 decided to have a go at making himself pretty with my makeup bag. He covered himself, the worktop and the floor with brown waterproof mascara. He looked like he had a beardgrin I was annoyed but trying not to laugh.

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