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Tell Mumsnet Flendr about the outrageous experiences you’ve had when people have been brass-necked with money – £300 Love2Shop voucher to be won! NOW CLOSED

(159 Posts)
EmmaMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 23-May-16 16:37:32

Collecting money for shared presents, holidays, dinners etc. can be a pretty stressful experience and take a lot of organising. It can also be a massive hit to the bank account when someone doesn’t pay on time. On top of this, it can lead to strained relations between friends and family – people say they’ve paid when they haven’t, they forget to pay or they think they are no longer liable when they pull out of that concert last minute because they had something better to do.

Have you ever found yourself in a difficult situation when chasing people to pay you back for something? Did it lead to awkwardness or an argument? Did people make up ridiculous excuses to get out of paying their share? Whatever the story, Mumsnet Flendr would like to hear it!

Here’s what Mumsnet Flendr says: “We are excited to introduce Mumsnet Flendr, our official online platform for organising cash collections and fundraising activities. If you find yourself paying on behalf of others – whether it is a night out, tickets to a concert, hen party or collective birthday gift - use our platform and make your life that little bit easier.”

Please share your story with Mumsnet Flendr below and you will be entered into a prize draw where one MNer will win a £300 Love2Shop voucher.

If you would like to sign up to trial Mumsnet Flendr, please click here

Thanks & good luck!

MNHQ

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Purplehonesty Mon 23-May-16 17:28:35

I collect for the class teacher every Christmas and summer
We all put a tenner in and then buy her vouchers and chocs/wine for the TA

Last year 14 people decided to join in the collection and a few didn't. I put a message around our FB group as usual saying I was doing this and if anyone wanted to contribute just see me at school.
And if you want to do your own thing then cool. I thought that was easier than asking everyone in person.
Everyone seemed fine with it and loads of people said oh thanks so much for arranging it etc.

Then on the way back from drop off one day I heard two mums bitching about me saying how ridiculous it was and how these outsiders in their 4x4s take over and think they own the place.

As I got back in my ancient focus and drove home to the place I've lived for 20 years I had a wee giggle to myself and thought fine, sort yourselves out next year!!

loosechange Mon 23-May-16 17:52:11

I had to email a previous flatmate to get my damage deposit worth several hundred pounds back. Several months
and emails later, with the issue of the money being ignored, I went for a blatant - Sorry to keep asking but I need this money.

Received a cheque. No apology or explanation.

NattyTile Mon 23-May-16 18:28:17

My worst goes back into childhood, when I was asked by a member of staff to organise a leaving gift for our form tutor.

She wasn't popular.

28 pupils in our form; I raised 28p. 20p of that was mine and all the money I had at that time.

Had to buy a reduced box of Matchmakers and wrap it in old paper. And people complained.

CopperPan Mon 23-May-16 18:34:20

I was in charge of collecting money from other students when we had to work towards a final exhibition for our year - the money was to pay for catalogues, the opening night, materials etc. As you can imagine, getting payments out of students towards the end of the term was like getting blood out of a stone. There were all sorts of excuses, from not having read the emails/seen the notices, sob stories, and physically avoiding me in class! In the end we only got contributions from about 30 out of 50 of us, but when we produced the catalogues only those who'd contributed appeared.

Rishi79 Mon 23-May-16 20:12:52

It is not about collecting money but it was about something that was paid and later came in a discussion that the payment arrangement wasn't fair which then led to argument and finally had to keep them out of sight. Happened 6 years before but still hurts when we think about it. whenever we go for dinner or any holidays with friends, All the expenses are totaled and then it is usually the split is done per head. There was this new family into the group and we were carrying on as usual. We were once in a situation to go with them to north for holidays and it was two families and shares were done fairly. (Which is what we thought) until there was a plan to go to somewhere else and there were five families while everyone had two or three adults in the group (the children were too little to consider for a money matter) but this one family had just two adults. The one senior (So called matured) friend sent a message to everyone "so and so will be the total and comes to so and so per family). We were the only one with four adults (as my parents were here) and all the other 3 families had 3 adults and one family (who came with us to north) had just two. So, to be fair, after reading the text, I told my hubby " it's not fair, let's do it per head" and let's inform... And before I typed the response there was a message saying " Sorry Guys.. So and So is not happy for per family and even I feel it is not fair and so, lets do it per head". Later when we assembled to discuss (everyone was anyways happy to accept per head), This odd family brought out many unreasonable points about not being fair on north trip and other dinner parties and finally everyone has to dig into the accounts and dates of travel and e-mails about hotel bookings to prove them that they were wrong! So... it broke up a friendship (actually two) which is not fair when you think it is just because of money.Anyways, they aren't worth to be in a good friendship if they were so (wrongly) calculative about money. Would have happened later and sometimes we all feel happy that atleast it happened a bit sooner.

EasterRobin Mon 23-May-16 20:55:16

The last time this happened to me, there was a charity fundraiser I wanted to go to so I asked a friend if she wanted to come with me. She enthusiastically said yes and that she'd bring her DH and 2 kids as well. I booked all the tickets in advance but on the day of the event one of her kids was ill so they all stayed home. I only found out when it was time to head to the venue so had no time to find anyone else to go with. I ended up still having to go by myself but paying five times the usual price for it. On the plus side, at least the money all went to a a good cause!

HamletsSister Mon 23-May-16 21:43:11

Our staff room (school) kettle broke. I had a free lesson to go to the shops so I said I would get one.cI asked around and everyone (approx 20 staff) agreed to chip in. I had assumed £1 each. I got a kettle for £14.99 and put the lovely, shiny kettle in the staff room with the empty box next to it with the receipt attached. I expected people to chuck in £1 or more and get to roughly £15. I even told people, in passing, that if we had too much I would donate any extra to the Lifeboat.

I got £3.72, including the £1 I put in myself to start it off. Meaning 19 staff paid £2.72 between them - 14p each and I paid £12.27. It was the end of term so I forgot about it. When I came back, the box and money were gone. Meaning I paid the whole amount.

Every time I use that kettle, I can still feel a little bit of rage.

IonaAilidh11 Mon 23-May-16 22:29:29

once had to chase sponsor money for kids school, why do people sponsor then not cough up, its so awkward having to keep asking, especially when its only a pound

FeelingSmurfy Mon 23-May-16 23:36:55

We were backed in to this too many times, even if we had already got a present for the parents the other siblings would lay on a guilt trip about how they would love something off all their kids and they really want this but can't afford it without the 5 all chipping in. We would agree and suddenly it's our credit card it has to go on, and then we would never end up getting the money back. Quite often it was given without us there too!!

MeLittleDuckie Tue 24-May-16 00:37:04

I have an uncle with short arms and deep pockets. Family meals always end up a little more expensive for everyone else as a result! He and his side of the family always end up eating/drinking more than anyone else and paying less (if anything)! I've no idea how he does it or how he even has the brass neck to try, but without fail it happens. It's a skill which must have saved him so much cash!

JanTheJam Tue 24-May-16 04:00:46

I had a "friend" at school who always wanted to borrow clothes and then it was an utter PITA to get them back. Things that were returned were always ruined.

Why loan things you ask? She was deeply manipulative and always managed to make you feel in the wrong. Plus others would guilt trip you and apply pressure on her behalf. The day I started saying No was like world war three started. Tears, screaming, door slamming and throwing other people's things.

It was awful and school got involved. Initially they tried to make me give her my stuff. confused I continued to say no and my mum got involved too. And then suddenly it was like everyone woke up from this collective delirium and she got gated for a week and her parents removed her from school because her feelings were hurt hmm

voyager50 Tue 24-May-16 07:44:44

I often get stuck having to collect money and buying a present for the least popular people in the department when they leave - it is like trying to get blood out of a stone and sometimes it ends up being me that has to put in a lot more than anyone else so so there is enough to buy a decent gift.

Years ago, when I organised my sister's hen do I had to pay over £600 up front for theatre tickets in order to get them before they sold out and I was worrying for a couple of weeks waiting for people to pay me and thankfully most did but a couple dropped out without paying and left me out of pocket.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 24-May-16 10:02:07

My bil (dh's brother) is a genuinely lovely bloke but does tend to play by a different set of social rules to the rest of us when it comes to money and work ethic.

On one memorable occasion we were sharing a holiday cottage for a big family event. I had bought a massive online shop for us all (two couples, one preschooler and a newborn breastfed baby) with everything from loo rolls and washing up liquid to coffee, milk and food for several meals. Bil and family had arrived with nothing and were notoriously tight so we knew we'd be out of pocket but we had agreed bil would organise and provide dinner for one night and so bil made arrangements to go to the nearest large shop. Dh offered to keep him company because he also wanted to get some cash out.

Once at the shop bil put two small 8" margarita pizzas in the basket and a copy of The Sun for the football results and headed to the checkout. Dh was confused and asked how that was going to feed us all. Bil shrugged and said he had only planned to spend the change he had on him, about £3.50 shock grin

They returned from the shop with the tiny pizzas plus salad, wine, ice cream and sausages. Dh bought all of it plus bil's copy of The Sun.

Sometimes it's just easier to avoid these situations by being prepared in advance to pay an amount and thinking of it as a gift to bil and family. Because we now expect him to behave like this we don't get upset when it happens but we also actively avoid situations where we might be expected to stump up lots of cash for bil and family. This seems to work well to keep the peace and good relations without being taken for a pair of mugs.

Andbabymakesthree Tue 24-May-16 11:23:25

Awkwardness was when a friend and I left a meal early and left enough to cover our share generously. Later found out the bill was much more than expected. I think they were overcharged but too drunk to realise so I ended up just paying extra so to avoid awkwardness.

imposteracademic Tue 24-May-16 11:43:33

I think that it can be more difficult with family and shared presents to be honest. I did get money back but it was awkward. A genuine level of forgetfulness but still awkward to ask.

forkhandles4candles Tue 24-May-16 13:34:02

buying plane tickets for a couple of friends who had promised to go away with us. Checked it all out, had to act quickly to get seats at decent price. They backed out. We lost the money.

thewookieswife Tue 24-May-16 14:49:44

I was asked to bid at a charity auction just to get the ball rolling - ended up buying one very expensive lot with my one single bid !!! Didn't bid on anything else after that !!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Tue 24-May-16 15:14:57

When I was a student I lived with a total freeloading nightmare. When it was time to move out she refused to do any cleaning for the deposit and then refused to pay the final bills that were all in my name. I didn't know where she had moved to so I knew I couldn't persue her through small claims.

So I told her unless she paid up I was going to put all the rubbish from the clean up in her room and tell the landlord to deduct the cost off her share of the deposit. She went absolutely mad and called her dad who then called me. He was an Ulsterman from the military so fairly assertive shall we say.

I very politely explained that Emma (we'll call her Emma because that was her name --the skanky freeloading article--) had refused to do any of the cleaning and had moved out leaving quite a quantity of rubbish which I had told her would be bagged up and put in her room because I didn't see why everyone else should suffer for her behaviour. Then I mentioned that of course I hadn't done that but it didn't hurt to let Emma think I would and besides, she owed me almost £600 in bills she was refusing to pay so I wasn't feeling very kindly towards her.

There was a long pause before he apologised for her behaviour and said he'd pay the bills.

Turned out he'd given her the money for bills but she had spent it!

After that I always split the bills so nobody was paying all of them and my liability would be much less.

Sammyislost Tue 24-May-16 15:54:26

Oh I'm always too afraid to ask for my money back!! I always end up buying tickets and never getting paid back. If only I had Flendr before!

sharond101 Tue 24-May-16 18:41:44

We went on holiday with a very flamboyant couple and were expected to pay for their extravagancies of lobster, champagne and king prawns at dinner when we really like basic soft drinks, pizza and pasta. What was most irritating was they insisted on ordering lots of side dishes and eating so little of their main meal.

Djini Tue 24-May-16 19:34:30

I lived in a shared house at university with 6 people. One lad, who we'll call Cheap Charlie despite coming from the Home Counties and being loaded announced one day in December that he wouldn't be paying for any electricity consumed over the Christmas holidays when he was going to be away skiing, obviously. So he took a meter reading on the last day of term and then again when he returned.

The rest of us were a bit hmm. Flabbergasted is putting it mildly. I argued that I shouldn't pay for weekends when I was away visiting my boyfriend, and others claimed they shouldn't have to pay for power during the day because they were out, and so on....

It soon escalated into a massively overcomplicated exercise book taped to the understairs cupboard full of meter reading figures and initials and dates, with people jotting down the units on the meter whenever they left the house, or refusing to pay for electricity to power the tv because they weren't watching, or squabbling over whether one housemate's electric guitar noodling should be funded by the rest of us. Plus several passive aggressive post-it-note suggestion that when one bloke had friends over to play Mario Kart, perhaps he should have a whip-round to cover the extra light and power consumed?

It got to the point after a month or so where a couple of housemates would be sitting in the living room wearing head torches and playing cards in silence, suggesting that if someone wanted to turn the lights on, they'd have to foot the bill for it themselves.

The bill came eventually and complicated calculations were done, resulting in differences of.....pennies. Electricity is pretty cheap. So we rather shamefacedly split the bill seven ways and vowed to never speak of bill-splitting madness again. blush

doctorboo Tue 24-May-16 20:01:29

I had to do a department collection for a colleague that had to go on long term leave. Due to the nature of their absence, the head of the head of the department decided a collection to should be done.
I've never had so much trouble getting people to put money in a pot - it became very obvious the member of staff was heavily disliked and I was mortified to have to keep asking staff if they wanted to chip in - but the head of department was like a dog with a bone and wouldn't accept that people didn't want to give this person a gift. I had to do some savvy shopping because the amount raised was low...very low and the HOD wouldn't top it up.

Byrdie Tue 24-May-16 20:55:58

For me i hate the awfulness of sorting out the bill after a group night out. Once we booked a class meal out. Set menu. Buy your own drinks to keep it simple? It was a £20 set menu and it had a free drink included and one woman argued that she wanted a reduction as she wasn't having the drink. We couldn't be bothered to argue so we said fine, pay £15. Next time same mum left early and "forgot" to pay. Ever. She also never ever returns anything borrowed. Especially money.

TartanTrousers Tue 24-May-16 21:10:17

My previous next door neighbour and also ex-work colleague shared a flat with 2 other colleagues, DH and I lived next door.

Despite bills and rents amounting to roughly the same monthly amount, 2/3 of the next door neighbours would always ask DH and I to lend them money to see them through to next payday. DH and I were saving for a house deposit so did have money put to one side that we were happy to lend in a pinch.

However, this then became the norm and for a period of 10 months we would be lending between £300-500 each month.

The brass neckedness though! DH and I would frequently skimp to ensure we could continue saving however the neighbours were smoking like chimneys, drinking like fishes, new clothes each month and regular parties. It felt like we were funding a lifestyle that we couldn't afford to have ourselves!

1/3 would always pay back on payday each time but the other would need asking before paying up. It was awful! You shouldn't have to ask for your own money back angry

After about 10 months, we thought enough was enough and cut off the supply but we were fretting about how we'd get out with money and friendships in tact. Unfortunately the friendship didn't survive!

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