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Tell EE how you teach your children to share – you could win an (unlocked) HTC One handset worth £490! NOW CLOSED

(137 Posts)
KatieBMumsnet (MNHQ) Mon 16-Sep-13 13:50:07

The folks at EE would like to know how Mumsnetters teach their DCs to share.

Here's what EE have to say "We're the UK's biggest mobile network and we've just created Shared #4GEE Plans. They're a new way for your household to save money while getting the fastest mobile internet experience on your phones, tablets and laptops.

A Shared 4GEE Plan allows your whole family to enjoy the fastest speeds on EE's 4G network. It works by letting you share your data allowance across a number of devices, with everyone enjoying unlimited minutes and unlimited texts too. Even better, it's less money than having everyone on separate mobile contracts.

Shared 4G Plans are unique to EE and we wanted to celebrate their launch by asking you how sharing fits into your busy life."

So,
~ What are your top tips for getting your children to share with their siblings and/or friends? Do you reward your children when they share to encourage good behaviour? Perhaps you buy one item for all of your children to share instead of buying one for each of them? What different strategies did you use to teach your DCs to share? Has this changed as they've got older?
~ How much of a struggle was it to get your children to share with their siblings, friends or even you? Or maybe this has never been an issue for you and your family?

Whatever your experiences please do share on this thread (no pun intended wink).

Everyone who adds their thoughts and comments to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win an (unlocked) HTC One handset (worth up to £490!). For full T&Cs please click here.

Please note your comments may be used (anonymously of course) on EE's pages on MN, social media channels and possibly elsewhere.

Thanks and good luck,

MNHQ

i think games are a really easy thing to share because the dc soon learn that if you are playing kerplunk and never let anyone else have a turn the game soon becomes rather boring so if im finding we arent sharing very well i try to play some games that really dont work if you dont share then it reinforces that sharing can actually make somethings better.

MacNCheese Thu 19-Sep-13 14:19:47

I use a really big sand timer to give the dc a visual reminder of how long they have for there turn.
I also comment when I "share" a biscuit or whatever with them. Just to remind them that sharing things has its rewards.

LindySfarne Thu 19-Sep-13 14:31:22

Dd is an only child and her first word was "Mine!" but she has quite a self-sacrificing sort of personality so it was never difficult for her to share.

In fact we've had to encourage her to be a bit more assertive in communicating that she'd like a turn on things. She can be a bit too passive.

Blu Thu 19-Sep-13 15:24:36

For childcare, DS was in the company of ano0ther child the same age from 8m - 3y, so to make every day a happy day it was essential that they not be in a constant tug'0'war over toys, food, everything!

'Share' always seemed to me to be quite a nebulous concept for a small child, so we devised a training scheme based on instructions they could understand through games: Taking Turns and Both Play. We deliberately set out to teach them to 'take turns', making a game of 'X's turn' and then a few seconds later 'Y's' turn and so on - quick turns so that they didn't have to wait long, until they grasped that taking turns meant that they would get a go in a minute. 'Both Play' was what it says. ''x play with lego, AND y play with lego'.

It seemed much easier for them to grasp, and they quickly became a team, sharing happily.

AllThatGlistens Thu 19-Sep-13 16:58:27

My DS is autistic and also struggled with sharing, we used a visual aid (egg timer) and also used emotion cards to describe how sharing can make people feel happy and why.

Being able to see the egg timer reassured him that he would get his book/toy back and he gradually became able to share without the meltdowns because he better understood the concept.

Madlizzy Thu 19-Sep-13 17:04:41

It's been about turns each since the triplets were tiny, unless it was an item belonging to one child specifically that they treasured and could be potentially broken by sibling. As they've got older, they've used the time old tradition of rock, paper, scissors to decide who gets to go first, which has worked out fine and still gets used now they're 14.

nextphase Thu 19-Sep-13 19:25:32

We ask the kids, or OH if we can borrow things, or have a turn, and model sharing.

We also have a couple of things which don't come down stairs, so they are personal, and not for sharing with siblings or friends.

Ruby6918 Thu 19-Sep-13 19:35:28

with ony 18 mths between my two daughters sharing was always difficult, they both really enjoyed the same toys, i found it easier to buy two of the same but cheaper type toys so they had really similar items, maybe in a colour they had pointed at in the shop, when the squabbling started over a toy i find distration is the best, i found asking them both to sit beeside me for a wee book ead even for a few minutes, and they forgot about the toy and went back to playin together again, if thee is a screaming match i just took the toys away for a wee while and explained why it was done, i also think sitting down to a meal at the table where the food is picked off platters or plates and is finger food and it shows them how to share with food too, and always praise praise praise when they do well

Turnipvontrapp Thu 19-Sep-13 19:42:52

Really praise them when they do share nicely then they remember!

dedado Thu 19-Sep-13 19:45:14

i have a toddler.
I try to be a good role model by sharing myself and we talk about sharing e.g. when reading books or just in day to day life.
I try to show sharing as a good thing rather than an unfortunate rule to be put up with.

asuwere Thu 19-Sep-13 20:32:09

my DC are very good (generally) at sharing. the eldest is very kind natured and has always shared things with his siblings and I think the others have just learnt from that. We always divide up sweets/grapes etc fairly between them so I think that may help.
Plus we have a rule that if there is any fighting about whose turn it is for something, then the thing gets switched off/taken away so everyone loses out. Seems to work.

tinypumpkin Thu 19-Sep-13 20:33:46

A timer here as well, they seem to like this which is an added distraction for the person who is waiting for a turn. Not all things can be shared at the same time. I suppose there is a difference between turn talking and sharing.

Talking about how not sharing makes us feel and how sharing makes us feel. This works for DD2 (almost four) but not for DD3 (2) so it is age specific.

Also acting as a role model in sharing my things if appropriate.

Reading books about sharing etc.

JoyceDivision Thu 19-Sep-13 20:45:41

Rather than share, I think it wa sthe wise old mumsnet that suggested explainig the dc 'take turns'that way they know they some time with something, then other dc will, and then they will get it back for some time. It has worked, although they could squabble in
an empty room at times

When in the car with their cousins it is an absolute strict rotation order tht does not get amended in any way, and a trip means getting in the car and then when it next stops and you get out, irrelevant of journey time!

Hopezibah Thu 19-Sep-13 20:46:41

sometimes I think my children are better behaved and work together better when they are forced to share! For example, when they only had one DS console to play with between them they used to take turns so nicely and wait for their turn. Since we bought a second one, they now squabble over who has which and which game they each want to play and if they are going to play multiplayer or single player!

They have always been good at sharing their toys generally with each other and with friends who come to play.

They don't like to share their sweets or chocolates but sometimes I'll explain that they won't get any next time if they don't share (usually because I want them to share some with me!).

Theimpossiblegirl Thu 19-Sep-13 21:18:02

I had my two very close together so they have always shared toys. They have had shared presents (dolls house) and individual presents over the years. They haven't always wanted to share but are generally pretty good. It is nice for them to have things they don't have to share so I don't force it sometimes.

sealight123 Thu 19-Sep-13 21:28:10

My daughter is 2 so, right now, sharing is a big thing for us. What we do to try and teach her to share is give her an option- She can share and continue with the activities we are doing or she can not share and not be allowed to join in with us until she does. She gets attention and praise when she does well, rather than focusing on the negatives and telling her off all the time when she doesn't share. She usually chooses sharing...she's still learning though smile

Also saying caring is sharing helps us along lol

LovesBeingOnHoliday Fri 20-Sep-13 05:17:03

Very early children like to share food; you giving them some, them giving you some. So I really put lots of praise into this sharing and then build on that to share other things.

With my second it's really been I interesting as they both want tge same thing at the same time even though one is now 2 and the other 5. So I have reinforced sharing with the baby but have always explained to my oldest that the baby does not yet know what sharing is and we are going to teach him. By having her as part of the process of showing him what sharing is it has helped reduced her feeling he gets his own way all they time. He very quickly will most times, naturally bring it over to her within a min or two. I make sure they both say thank you whenever something is handed over.

I have also spent time explaining why snatching something away from the other isn't very nice as soon as it happens, and giving the item back to the original child.

tvstand Fri 20-Sep-13 10:48:00

We lead by example. So we always offer and share snacks, food, drinks. Often we offer ds something before we have had some. This way it's normal behaviour to share, you can't expect your child to share with others if you don't share with them.

Tyranasaurus Fri 20-Sep-13 11:51:10

Turn taking with adults first and work upto with other children. The ability to choose 1 special toy that you can put away and not have to share when other kid are around

lagoonhaze Fri 20-Sep-13 12:20:19

Generally no toys are off limits except very special ones and I have a rule of if its out to be seen expect to share.

MadMonkeys Fri 20-Sep-13 14:26:03

Special toys aren't expected to be shared, but most toys are - taking in turns is the best method for us.

NorbertDentressangle Fri 20-Sep-13 14:49:55

When faced with a child getting annoyed or upset and saying "but it's my toy" if another child is playing with one of their toys we used to try and get through to them that it was OK, they'd get it back etc by saying "yes I know it's your toy, it's still your toy when x is playing with it, and it will still be your toy afterwards when you get it back. x is not going to keep it".

MikeLitoris Fri 20-Sep-13 15:24:17

I do the timed play thing too. Works especially well with older dc.

With 2yo its a bit more difficult so we just try lots of praise and distractions.

coorong Fri 20-Sep-13 15:44:56

agree about all presents being sharing presents - except for their bedtime cuddly things; individual computer login / password with a timer (half hour each switches off automatically). They are 6 and 8. I monitor my account so I can see if they extend things (which they don't).
If one goes to a birthday party, have to share the party bag - everything with the other.
They have shared a room since 3 months. We established sharing from the beginning.

LLucan Fri 20-Sep-13 15:50:33

We share Jelly!! DS has no brothers or sisters, so we decided to start sharing from the same bowl of jelly. Mummy, Daddy and then DS each have a spoonful, with DS having to wait his turn, no matter how much he'd like to have some more now!

We now find that DS often offers mummy or daddy some of his food when he's eating, and always with a smile.

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