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Son with Aspergers - how to help him accept diagnosis

(7 Posts)
Kateodonnell Wed 23-Jan-13 16:51:01

HELP, my son who is now 20, was diagnosed with AS at 6, he received help all through school, but since leaving and starting college, there is little support. He has always refused to discuss his diagnosis, accept help etc, now his is getting older and more independant i think it would help if he were able to accept the diagnosis as not somthing negative and ask for help. He struggles with Uni, and although very high functioning i get so sad when i see him floundering and am unable to help. He just switches off when i try to talk to him about it. Most of the support goes away when they leave school. Any advice would be great. Anyone had a similar experience?

rhoscolyn Tue 21-May-13 11:43:28

Hi.
My daughter is 15 and was diagnosed last summer. I bought every book available that was recommended and we talked and talked non stop. Albeit I did the talking, because as you know with asperger s everything's 'fine' and conversation is never really two way. I think the bigger the understanding and to be very open was the best way to help her get a handle on it. Dont know if thats any help ?

Banannaballs Sat 25-May-13 11:39:08

DD 16 here dx recently with Aspergers.I agree with 'keep mentioning it and talking about it'.Is there no support at UNI?I thought the support at third level was good for those with a dx especially or is it that he hasnt told them?

Banannaballs Sat 25-May-13 11:43:28

rhoscolyn how is your dd doing?My dd is same age and recently dx also.My dd's main issue is extreme shyness and anxiety.I would be very interested to hear about another girl the same age and any advice you could offer?I too have all the books and have learned tons about it over past few years as my younger ds was dx 3 yrs ago with Aspergers also.But dd is very different to him.

Hi my son 14 has just been diagnosed with Aspergers, i need to read up as i don't know much about it. He is socially awkward but otherwise seems ok. Am hoping to find out what support there is for him.
He seems happy to accept the dx but not sure its really sunk in yet

raetro Sun 18-Aug-13 12:41:27

My son has just turned 21, he won't accept any help at all with anything. He is undiagnosed but is most certainly AS. He had support at school and college and with his exams - amanuensis and extra time, support in class which he never wanted - on his school and college records they wrote "Autism". But now he has left he has no outside help at all. He won't accept that he needs support and is in denial. Diagnosing for an adult is impossible anyway on NHS. If I mention it he gets defensive and insulted. He is unemployed and struggling to find a job, although he says he is; to use his words; "fine" - fine to sit in his room all day with the blinds closed. He rarely goes out and has coping mechanisms if he does so - wearing hats, coats, earphones - even during the hot summer. He only comes out of his room to eat meals and rarely speaks. The "system" failed my son big time - occupational therapy, behavioural therapy, doctors visits through his life failed to pinpoint and diagnose. Only after he left school did I have the chance to meet an old friend who has an AS son - diagnosed. She immediately recognised and identified. Shame, shame, shame on the "system" - for which my son pays for every day - although he won't accept this. My message to Kate - fight for all your might, search for local support groups, you already have a diagnosis and can get help, find out and keep trying to speak to your son about it.

scarlettlily Mon 19-Aug-13 13:17:37

We have been through an almost identical experience, except that about a year ago we persuaded our son, then 22, to go to the doctor so his behaviour could be assessed. We more or less told him that he had to get help if he was going to live with us. The diagnosis of Aspergers and ADHD finally came through about a week ago. Getting a diagnosis is not all positive - there is very little help at the end of the process, and our son has seen it as a great excuse to stop trying altogether to fit in with the rest of the world and become even more Aspergery than he was before. However, we think on balance it is worth doing for two main reasons: access to financial support, and understanding. Our son has struggled with the Jobseekers' system, as he is incapable of complying with the basic requirements such as signing on. Now there is a fighting change that he will get accepted for employment support. It also means that he should be eligible for supported housing. At the moment we look after him at home, but we will not always be here, so supported housing is crucial. There are other things like special cards you can carry so if you get lost you can get help. The second benefit is that our son now feels that there is some recognition of how he is. He says that the diagnosis means that he can begin to make sense of his own behaviour. Even though at the moment he is "wallowing" in the diagnosis, we feel we have reached the first step on the ladder where he may be able to begin to manage it. Having said all this, it is still very, very difficult to deal with - the communication problems go both ways, and even if we can accept his diagnosis intellectually, emotionally it is still very difficult to understand what is driving his behaviour - failing to start, continue, or finish the most simple of everyday tasks; catatonia; extreme lack of co-operation; extreme self-centredness; almost daily aggression and angry outbursts; strange sleeping patterns; living alone in his bedroom with minimal contact with the outside world etc etc etc. It is a life sentence for him and us.

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