I?m apologising in advance if this is going to be long ? But I prefer putting in as much information as possible!
I'm getting increasingly worried about my resident DSD11. I've been in her life since she was 5 and I had DD1 at the time so I had only infant experience as a parent and I wonder if I didn't completely missed the boat. Now, before I approach my DH and share my worries- I?d like some opinions. I love the girl to bits and would never forgive myself if we missed something and didn?t get her appropriate support.
Up until the end of primary school- I must say things were okay but never easy. She?d get along better with boys, didn?t master handwriting (to a standard neat level) until year 6 and would struggle with change. She had difficulty maintaining 1 friendship that meant a lot to her but sadly since her friend was put into another form group, it quickly faded.
She has been increasingly unhappy, grumpy & withdrawn since starting secondary school last September. I?ve always seen her as a creative, quirky and unique girl. She can also be quite challenging but it is only now that I am starting to put some of her behaviour together and wonder if we missed anything. I?ve started to notice more things as my DD8 is growing and becoming more independent.
She is a lovely girl - Loving with us, funny, sensible ( in terms of keeping herself safe, crossing roads on her own, understand what is wrong and right etc ) Amazingly talented artist, she draws beautiful pictures and portraits.
I?ll do a quick list of things that have been on my mind recently-
- Obsessions- MI High, Tracy Beaker and will only play with her sisters if they are re-enacting episodes. With MI High it reached a peak last year, when she would only talk about spies and being a secret agent. This has gone quieter but she still carries her MI Book and Annual to bed with her each night.
- Dolls-Always loved dolls. She?s obsessed with baby dolls and always wants us to buy her more ( she has about 10 already) Not really playing as such with them but dressing, undressing, changing and walking around with them. She still actively does that every day and needs to change her dolls before bed every night. It is the same with her Build a Bear. She has 6 of them and will dress them as well in the same ritual- she will get upset if a piece is missing.
- She will spend ages setting up a game (ie dolls) but not play it. Will be very rigid in terms of what they have to wear and the situation. This provokes massive rows with her sisters when they are all playing together because if they don?t follow ??her script?? she gets really upset.
- Avoiding eye contact when we talk or doing something else when we talk
- She can come across as rude when she speaks to you but I don?t think she means it. She will just blurt out answers. She will not see how her demeanour and her way of talking to you is rude. She doesn?t see it like that.
- Clothes- She is very picky with them and tends to wear the same thing day after day. This will lead to arguments when we want to wash the said clothes. We have struggled with School Uniform, especially this year, she gets upset if one shirt is dirty and has to wear another. It can take up to 45 minutes just to get dressed to come downstairs for breakfast. ( I?ve noticed this recently as DD8 gets dressed and is down in 10 minutes ) . For every day clothing she still favours boys? clothes or sports clothes as she finds them comfortable.
- Once she is good at one thing, she will repeat it over and over. She has formidable talents for portraits, but tends to draw the same (imaginary brother) character over and over. In a sketch book of 25 pages, you will find 15 to 20 of the same subject. Other than that it will be the stuff she?s obsessed with, Characters from MI High and Tracy Beaker. This is becoming a problem in Art Lessons.
- She says she always feels like the odd one out. She finds it hard to deal with girls her own age.
- Getting organised for school and lessons is a real challenge. We have tried working with her school and organising a timetable for her homework but she will not do it independently. We have to supervise and make sure she actually does the work because she can get distracted so easily.
Sorry about the novel and if you?ve made it this far- thank you.
