11.5 year old possibly ASD son, problems with bullying/friendships - help!

[thefiveofus]

I am new to all this, so I hope I will be able to get back to this and find replies! Apologies if I get this chat room stuff wrong too...My son is going through the process of getting a diagnosis for ASD at the moment, the doctors have said they are fairly certain that he is on the spectrum - at school he has fortunately found a small group of boys he trusts and feels safe with, though a new child has joined the group, who he has known for some time, who is purposely excluding my child, ignoring him. This boy wants to play with and be in academic groups with my sons friends, but makes it clear he wants nothing to do with my son. It seems to be very subtle too, no teachers seem aware, but my son has told me what this child does in a very matter of fact way, and doesn't get that this behaviour, on the part of the other child is unacceptable.
My concern is that with my child being oblivious, this other boy will gradually push my son out more and more (he does exactly what they tell him to, so if they say to him to go away, he does) and he will be left with nobody.
Problem is, to him, it is wont be an issue until it is spelled out to him - so until they decide to say they don't like my son, he won't be aware of what is going on. I am worried that by then it will be too late. His teacher has been very dismissive of our quest for diagnosis of ASD because he is a rule keeper, never kicks up a fuss in school, and is a high academic achiever.
Does anybody have any experience of similar, or any advice as to how to approach the school without coming across as a paranoid fussing mother?

[CinnamonPretzel]

The SpecialNeeds: children's forum is more active and covers most ages incl teens, if you want to pop there :)
Have you noticed any other behaviours at home, such as sensory issues, behaviour, structures & routine etc that points you towards ASD or is it just school?
We have a similar issue with DD and had to be careful is wasn't just her being quiet or even too bossy. Like you, what the school saw was nothing as everything is subtle.

Our DS has ASD and suspected for years DD was a little different but unable to pinpoint; especially when others only see the angel or just comment 'she's a girl, that's what their like'!

I started making notes, a list of things from home, temper tantrums, sensitivities, bahaviour, routines, etc... Things that you would expect to get better with age and not worse. I went to our GP and told my concerns - she was referred as somethings aren't what a DC of her age should still be doing.

Your GP might not agree, as they aren't all on the side of SNs and pushing for 'labels'.

DD also had issues in PE, so we arranged our own OT assessment, again not something everyone can afford but depends on your DSs circumstances/your concerns.

Good luck.