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Challenging behaviour through the teen years - how to manage?

(7 Posts)
magso Wed 25-Apr-12 09:33:06

Ds is 12 (S/mLD and ASD very demand avoidant) and I am struggling with keeping him ( and I) safe. He can be lovely - good natured, affectionate and even gentle, and is happiest when out of the house and busy or active. We had a lovely day at a local farm park in the holidays when his behaviour was exemplary. But currantly every thing routine is a battle from getting him ready for school ( which he can theorectically do himself but would still be in his Pjs left to himself) to tidying up the huge daily mess he makes. He reacts against everything that must be done.
Dh is away some weeks and often ds becomes even more challenging, with deliberatly controlling behaviour and play which becomes very intimidating( from growling/snapping like a T-rex to jabbing pretend swords in my ribs). I took his play sword away and yesturday it was a real knife (complete with butter). He seems to have hit the manipulative/lieing/stealing/silly stage at the same time as pubity! In addition I think the higher demand and very much lower support at senior school (sn but more MLD orientated than he junior ASD school) have added to his difficult behaviour at home. I also fear that the playful but very unpleasant intimidating behaviour will get more aggressive. He has a talent for annoying people with the behaviour they least like ( and react to).

I do not know how to calm things down and get the routine and control back in the house. Mornings are particularly difficult along with homework and independant self care.

Help?!

Agincourt Wed 25-Apr-12 10:15:25

This needs to be unpicked a bit by the sounds of it magso. Do you have any access to the challenging behaviour team? and have you spoken to school? Sometimes schools can get quicker referrals to people or will help you work alongside their programs for managing behaviour

magso Wed 25-Apr-12 10:45:52

Thanks for replying Agincourt.
I have rung the CB secretary and left messages but I fear we may have been discharged when our appointed lady left in which case it will be yet another long wait. School are part of the problem to be honest. Too much freedom and responsibility - and homework he has no hope of doing without considerable adult support (he cannot read) so that is another battle. The last science homework was to write about some long words that are not even in his vocabularly (this is a child whose writting and reading is at a preschool level) with a note to parents that downloading from the internet was not allowed - we have previously helped him type in searches and downloaded the articles we have read and discussed).
Yesterday was a really bad day with ds. Generally things have got more challenging ( regressive behaviour)since the change of school. The first term was awful awful!! I thought towards last term things were settling - but back to school and within less than a week the regressive behaviour is back. I am trying to improve his self care but I suspect he needs 'TLC'. I have tried rewarding achieving morning goals by giving him 20p tuckshop money ( the reason for the stealing 20p buys a buttered roll) but he is still stealing so I take my purse to bed with me.

Agincourt Wed 25-Apr-12 11:56:05

are there any other schools he could attend? It sounds like they have completely unrealistic expectations of him and are setting work he has no comprehension of.

magso Wed 25-Apr-12 14:34:47

I have just spoken to school and they have not noticed worse behaviour recently, so perhaps he mostly holds it together there. I wish there was another choice of school! There are 2 MLDs locally - both equally far away. I am now wondering if the other might be better but was put off by that schools even larger class size and low expectations of the children. The SLD/PMLD is very tiny, always full and frankly ds is far to physically able. Ds can be as bright as a button if interested. Perhaps I need to look again at the other school and even into the private sector.

Agincourt Wed 25-Apr-12 14:38:57

The sld/pmld school might oversee satellite classes within the borough though so it's worth getting in touch with them to ask what their input might be in your situation. I personally, after experience of larger class sizes with mixed sn, wouldn't go for the other school then confused I think it's unhelpful of school to just say his behaviour is fine there (my dd's is better at school than at home too)

magso Wed 25-Apr-12 20:20:03

Thanks Agincourt. I did not realise the SLD school may be able to support the MLD schools. I need to discuss the homework situation don't I? It is possible that some subject teachers do not know of ds unreadyness for written work, and lack of drawing skills. Tonight his liturature homework was spot on ( with pictures and short words to chose from) and life was so much easier. I think only lit and maths are streamed. Today has been better all round.

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