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Unhappy with residential placement

(45 Posts)
chinax Fri 11-Feb-11 11:57:03

Hi everyone,

I am new to this site but feel pretty desperate at present.
My daughter is 16 yrs old and has a fully funded 52 week placement where she has been since she was 8 yrs old and until 18 months ago we were pretty happy with although not perfect but as you will all know - I feel sure - we do have to compromise more than most being parents of children with severe learning difficulties.
However, 18 months ago a new regime took over running of the school and residential centre and all the old management and lots of staff left and we are now very unhappy indeed with the manner in which everything is being run. These people seem to want total control over the children in their care and treat parents who insist in being actively involved in their childrens' lives horrendously. I know of parents whose child has been excluded with no notice allegedly because he was being disruptive which I find unbelievable when another child whose parents hardly ever visit and is incredibly disruptive is treated totally differently. They have accused us of the most horrendous things as parents, ringing SS behind our backs and telling blatant lies which we strongly believe is because we have had the strength to officially complain about their behaviour and management. What I now find incredible is that our SS now seem to be taking sides with them despite our allerting them to a very serious situation last year which they are still investigating and totally agree was highly contentious and unnacceptable. I am sorry to waffle on - I could list a mile long the issues but am trying to be as brief as possible. My husband is 60 yrs old and retired due to ill health and I am 55. We are so concerned that if there was any way at all our daughter could cope with living at home I would bring her home today but unfortunately her difficulties and autism is so pronounced that although she adores coming home and asks for us constantly, she can only cope being at home for 24 hours and then becomes very violent etc as she is so used to there being a change of carers every 8 hours or so.
I am now desperate to get her out of that place before something really serious happens as these lies about us are now totally out of control and it is making my husband seriously ill. Because of the revised working practises they now operate I honestly dont feel my daughter is totally safe - she was attacked in a very private place on her body a few weeks ago and it was totally covered up! Also one of her main carers has confided in me that she is finding it extremely difficult to cope with my daughters demands and needs as she is being forced to work 15 hour shifts with no break! Where do I turn for help please? Any suggestions at all most gratefully received and if anyone has ever experience anything remotely similar I could really do with a friend right now for some moral support. Mega thanks for listening.

coldtits Fri 11-Feb-11 12:00:15

does your daughter have a social worker?

You need to speak to your own daughter's social worker, as the ones who are vaguely in charge of disability services have their interest firmly wedged in keeping that home open. It's cheaper than providing proper care.

I hope you get some more advice as I have no experience of this situation

chinax Fri 11-Feb-11 12:03:16

It is my daughter's social worker who I now feel is being non supportive and is speaking with the centre behind our backs. I just dont understand this following on from the proof I provided last year from the serious issue mentioned. I dont know if she is fed up with us or believing all the "Soft Soap" they are obviously feeding her. I spoke with her yesterday and asked her to read an email I was sending to her and to ring me back but she never did and she has just ignored a follow up email. Where on earth do I go from here??

coldtits Fri 11-Feb-11 12:04:33
chinax Fri 11-Feb-11 12:22:31

Oh wow - thank you so much and will definitely give it a go!

Best wishes and many thanks

bittersweetvictory Fri 11-Feb-11 18:12:05

Hi chinax, this is terrible, no wonder you are feeling desperate, your daughter getting assaulted is very serious, are the police involved because they should be, were there witneses ?
my son is 17 and ASD but high funtioning so stays at home and goes to college but i have had my own battles with SS for years so know where you are coming from, they think they are above the law, i passed him over to adult services so i would get a new SW because the one from childrens services was rubbish and tried to patronise me even though she was younger and had no kids grrr, the one i was assigned from adult services was even worse so i went above her head to her team leader and complained straight to him and got a new one, i am now probably branded a trouble maker but i dont care, i dont need them to like me, only to do their job so is it possible for you to go above your SS head ?
I have also in the past threatened to go to the newspapers and expose their corrupt incompitence, ( dont know if i would have actually have done it but the threat got me results )
have you contacted your local mp to tell them of your concerns ? citizens advise bureau may be able to help, i wish i could be more help but that seems like a good site coldtits has directed you too, i have seen SS lying through their teeth so dont let it get to you, you know the lies are not true, i hope you get the help you need.

WetAugust Fri 11-Feb-11 19:00:24

If she's been assaulted - call the Police.

Residential homes are covered by the Care Commission?? - they inspect them and you should report your concerns to them. Also, to the Safeguarding Children Team within the LA both in the local area of the school and your own local area.

chinax Sat 12-Feb-11 05:03:15

Cheers everyone for the great feedback. my daughter was apparently attacked by another student who lives in the same house but no proper investigation took place and of course we didn't feel we could involve the police to act against another special needs youngster. It's like we were just expected to put up and shut up. I have today spoken with citizens advice and they have pointed me in the direction to go but before we do anything we need to ensure our daughter is protected and have asked ss to explain what would happen should the centre exclude our daughter as it would be impossible for her to live at home. She just could not cope at all. My daughters social worker is refusing to speak with us and just says a letter is on it's way to us from her manager. Hopefully this should arrive today! Can't really believe all this is happening as we are decent,law abiding people and at present it feels like the centre and my daughters social workers are conspiring against us. I feel exhausted trying to protect both my daughter and my husband who has had a most vile and evil allegation made against him by a member of staff with an axe to grind. Following my own investigations I have proved this allegation is totally untrue and we are most definitely taking this matter further but of course we need to protect our child first. Nightmare scenario!

bittersweetvictory Sat 12-Feb-11 11:07:17

I still think you should involve the police regards your daughters assault, if the other student is deemed not responsible for his actions the staff who are supervising are to blame, and at least it would be logged with police as an incident even if it goes no further and might stop it happening in future, im glad you have been pointed in the right direction by CA but this centre should be under investigation as the staff sound horrible and not very well trained, if you need more advice you could try posting on the main SN childrens board as there is a lot more ladies on there with more experience.
Hope you get the help and support you need and get a new SS, keep fighting.

chinax Sat 12-Feb-11 13:53:14

Bittersweetvictory and everyone else who has responded - a massive thank you. We are in a very lonely place at the moment and it has been so good to be able to speak to someone. This would all sound so far fetched to most people. Well nothing arrived in the post today as promised. We shall wait and see!

bittersweetvictory Sat 12-Feb-11 15:35:21

I know that lonely place you are talking about, i have been there, seen the video, bought the T shirt etc, every thing is going fine at the moment but i have had to fight for years to get to this point, and had to put son on medication for anxiety,
when i mentioned medication to my sons SW she said in a patronising voice " we dont drug the disabled nowadays " which made me feel like crap, but luckily head of SN at college brought up the subject again and son is now on a very low dose of anti anxiety meds which has made things a lot easier so i fired off an email to SW telling her EXACTLY what i thought of her. ( made me feel a lot better )
Regarding the allegations against your hubby, this is slander, have you seen a soliciter.
I know what you mean about it sounding far fetched to some people, the only time you hear about it is when someone is so desperate that they contact the press and some people find the subject of disability uncomfortable so pretend it doesnt exist ( i have encountered this from members of my own family )
I know it must be awfull for you and your hubby at the moment but things WILL get sorted, you just have to find that extra bit of strength to keep fighting, at the end of the day it doesnt matter what ignorent SW and useless care home staff think of you, as long as they do the job they are overpaid for ( especially SS ) you know whats best for your own child despite what anyone else says.
If your letter doesnt come in chase it up as the SS motto is " promise lots, deliver little "

chinax Sat 12-Feb-11 23:29:09

We definitely intend to report them and to speak with a solicitor but before we do anything we need to be absolutely sure that ss would be able to rehouse our daughter either at another centre or similar as we can't take the risk of her being excluded and nowhere for her to go. If she had to come home she would cause serious harm to both us and herself within 48 hours and would destroy everything around us. This is why she had to go into residential initially as she destroyed virtually everything in our home and attacked us constantly. We couldn't take her anywhere at all as if we did anything she didn't like she would kick the windows of the car,smash mirrors, etc. We fought so hard to get her where she is now as it was a wonderful place 9 years ago and they have done so much good work with her. We can now take her to a restaurant for a meal and take her around a supermarket now but she is incredibly set in her routines and unless we stick rigidly to them she reverts back to the old behavioural problems. It has been incredibly difficult over the years. And even the good carers she has had have said they don't know how on earth we coped previously. However despite al this we love her dearly. and have to put her first. All we want is to live our lives in peace and visit ou daughter every weekend - which we have done religiously for the past 9 years which in itself is exhausting as it is a 4 hour round trip - but we are being constantly harassed and bullied by these people who now run the centre and cannot for the life of me understand why. We have always been really pleasant and kind to the staff but they treat parents better who are really offhand with them. The only thing is that we do complain about them constantly losing our daughter,s possessions or ruining her clothes etc but I feel we are totally entitled to do that. My husband now understandably won't set foot on the centre - he has to drop me at the gate whilst I collect our daughter and bring her to the car but of course if she is being difficult and not in the right frame of mind then he won't see her at all and will be stuck in the car by himself. Nobody at ss seems at all interested in this and is treating us as if we have caused this but of course because my daughter has to have residential care I feel like I daren't rock the boat too much. Don't know what to do for the best at present other than wait for the letter we were promised as I have asked ss what emergency measures would be available if worst case scenario should happen. Just don't know if legally they are compelled to arrange placement elsewhere and don't know who to ask if they won't answer the question. Sorry really feeling the strain at the moment. Sometimes I feel really strong as I know that we are in the right but cannot believe these hateful people are allowed to run a centre full of vulnerable teens and adults and no one is taking them to task!

bittersweetvictory Sun 13-Feb-11 11:18:22

Good that you are intending to report them and speak to a solicitor and i can understand why you have to get your daughter settled first,
SS SHOULD be answering all your questions but there are so many SW nowadays that dont know the answers because they dont bother to find out, there are good SW out there, its just finding one thats the problem.
I suspect that they treat the parents who are offhand with them better because they are probably more afraid and wary of them, i used to be a mild mannered person who accepted every thing but since my struggles with LA ans SS i have toughened up and now question every thing they do and ask for it in writing, i would probably be considered offhand with them but it gets better results, perhaps its time to stop being nice to them, ( it may not be in your nature but desperate times need desperate measures )perhaps the parents who are offhand know through experience that being nice and accepting gets you nowhere and the only way to get results is to be offhand.
Have you sussed out if there are any other care homes suitable for your daughter in your area and is the place she is at just for people up to a certain age until they become adults ?
Im in Scotland so not sure of some English laws but im sure SS would have to find her another placement if she is violent etc, as it is obvious she cannot live at home, have you been to see your GP, he/she might be able to give you advice and help you to cope through this awfull time, i would also advise you to post on the main childrens SN board as there is a lot more ladies than on this one who could point you in the right direction, ( have a read of some of the threads on the childrens SN board and you will see how " in the know " they are )

chinax Sun 13-Feb-11 17:07:04

Couldn't sleep again last night for worrying and was scouring the net for anyone who could possibly help re dd and came across parent line 24 hr service so rang them at 0530 this morning - how mad is that? Spoke to lovely lady who says she is pretty sure they can't exclude dd no matter what we do as serious breach of care but she also advised me to speak to family rights group who sound exactly what we need. Have just returned from visiting dd and took her for a meal so had very little to do with centre staff and dh stayed off campus. Have decided we are going to ask for advocate to liaise with centre and have emailed ss asking about moving dd but not sure if they will help with this as feel they will try and say that it is not in Dd best interests and claim we only want her moved because of fall out between us and centre which is so not true. Sorry but how do I access main sn board as still a novice user?

chinax Sun 13-Feb-11 17:16:12

Found mansion board - mega thanks bittersweet!

chinax Sun 13-Feb-11 17:16:59

Sorry should read main sn board,

bittersweetvictory Sun 13-Feb-11 18:10:37

Not mad at all chinax, just a normal worried parent who wants to do best for their child, im really glad you have found someone to help and someone to liaise with centre sounds like a good idea, in fact the more people involved the better to show them that you mean business but try to get everything in writing as things promised seem to have a habit of being forgoten, ( I know this through experience )leave a paper trail or email trail so you can refer back to anything that was promised and does not happen.
The main SN childrens board is always a lot busier than this one and full of ladies with a large range of experiences who have been fighting the system for years on behalf of their children so you are far from alone.

chinax Sun 13-Feb-11 18:34:14

Cheers medears bittersweet - you have been a star! Will update once things start moving as could well be useful for others. Wish me luck - gonna need it! Don't worry I keep written copies of everything and at present make all calls from my business phone - own business so not a problem - as It records the calls!

bittersweetvictory Sun 13-Feb-11 18:49:28

No problem chinax and good luck, im happy to see you are sounding a lot more positive smile
yes, update as it will be helpfull to others and just remember that whatever any so called expert says YOU know whats best for your own child so dont take any crap from SS.

Davros Sun 20-Feb-11 22:25:29

I am full of admiration for you, I hope you get things sorted. You may find The Challenging Behaviour Foundation useful www.thecbf.org.uk
Our son with severe ASD is nearly 16 and we have just applied to increase his placement from 44 weeks to 52 and, although I know that residential has been the right thing for him, I do have some reservations about our plae in his life once he goes 52 weeks.

chinax Sun 27-Feb-11 00:03:43

Well making progress! Ss say they understand the current placement relationship has completely broken down and they are currently considering 2 alternatives within county but want to check further before giving us more info. Keeping fingers,toes and everything crossed!! Off to see dd again today! Sure she senses something is going on as she has wanted to phone me nearly every day this week. Will keep posting and let you know outcome.

bittersweetvictory Sun 27-Feb-11 11:02:07

Thats great news Chinax, glad to hear SS are now working with you, your DD probably does sense that something is going but its definitely for the best all round that she leaves that awfull place, not only for her sake but for yourself and your DH, i really hope one of the other places is suitable and i will be keeping everything crossed for you smile please let us know how you get on.

chinax Sat 09-Apr-11 16:17:47

Fantastic news - finally got the call we were hoping for. Dd will be moving off residential centre and into brand new house with 3 other teenagers and will attend special needs day school in next village and she will only be 55 minutes drive from home. Will have to wait a few month as house being built and staff need to work with dd in transition before she moves. Can't tell you how excited I feel as last few weeks have been hellish. Can't tell you what a relief this news is to dh and myself. Feel sure dd will much prefer this new placement. Mega thanks for all the fantastic support and hope everyone else is ok. Davros thanks so much for the tip re challenging behavior site which is great. Also if you can get 52 week placement I can certainly recommend so long as staff work with you and understand you are still the one constant in your ds's life.

bittersweetvictory Sun 10-Apr-11 19:42:45

Really happy for you Chinax grin it must be a great relief for you and your DH after all the hassle you've been through, New house, new staff and nearer to you smile
Great that staff are getting to know your DD before the move, im sure she will be very happy there.

chinax Mon 30-May-11 15:51:21

Aagghh! They are winding me up again! Just been to visit dd - she is moving in 5 months and new school is superb - and current place has now completely redecorated her room in lilac and deep purple and stripped her room of both the bedding and matching soft furnishings we bought in cream and pale coffee shades which we chose. Had a blazing row with one of the senior staff over the telephone who authorized this redecoration and the vile colours and has accused me of causing a fuss over nothing and spoke to me as if I was a piece of rubbish! I asked who the hell she thought she was speaking to and reminded her that I was a parent and expected to be treated with respect! God help me I am a professional woman with my own business but feel like throttling this cow who is constantly trying to cause problems for us. She is constantly making snidey insinuations that we are responsible for our dd behavioural problems and trying to create barriers for us. Please someone tell me honestly how you would have reacted in my situation? The little items we buy for our daughter are small links to us and home whilst she is away and I feel devastated that someone has decided to take them away from her and replace with things so not to our taste and with no link to us at all and more than likely cast offs from another child!! I have just screamed down the phone SHE IS MY DAUGHTER NOT YOURS!! Why do I feel so upset?? Am I going completely mad?? Dd is totally unaware of this of course as didn't say a word until I arrived home as she is so sensitive to atmospheres. Just needed to get this off my chest - Bank holiday totally ruined by them AGAIN!

purplepidjin Mon 30-May-11 16:04:08

People to make complaints to:




Also your local MP.

Redecorating her room without evidence of it being her choice is unacceptable. Unhappy staff who are leaving is unacceptable. Taking away your daughter's things (what have they done with your property*?) is unacceptable. Unfortunately, while understandable, screaming down the phone is also unacceptable so bye bye moral highground sad

If your SW is being useless, demand their manager. Or, ring now to get onto the duty SW...

chinax Mon 30-May-11 16:50:54

Wish I had your self control purple!
Sw is absolutely fine now but to be honest I am just exhausted with everything we have had to contend with. Authorities have been much more supportive recently as much has come to light in our defense over recent months since initial posts but now know this woman is behind a great deal of what we had to suffer! Thank god we have only 5 months remaining!! I could go on complaining forever but it is pointless now really until daughter leaves so will be doing all my serious complaining once my daughter is out of there. My dd has to be protected! Hope you never have a similar experience purple as somehow I think you might feel a little differently but accept you are entitled to your opinion.

purplepidjin Mon 30-May-11 17:16:31

I'm the other side, as a support worker. Unfortunately I have been there (from this side) and regularly been the one who took the screaming down the phone. Staff are supposed to be trained to handle crisis situations and, to me, an upset parent needs as much reassurance as an anxious student or resident. I've had to work with people like the person you mention in your post, and they're a bloody nightmare - always have to be seen to be right, heads up management's arses (if they're not in management themselves - these people are never capable of completing any actual useful workso get shunted pdq)

It sounds like your daughter's needs are pretty complex, but is there any way possible you can get Direct Payments and find carers yourself for a few months? I do the odd shift like this for parents (would love to find something a bit more regular) - there are companies which sort out the tax and ni for you, as well as agencies who can provide trained and vetted staff if you want them to.

I hope your daughter is coping with all this. Change is hard, especially when you don't know why it's happening. And the teenage years seem to be the hardest with lots of people with ASD's (hopefully things will get easier for you all when both the placements and hormones settle down)

chinax Mon 30-May-11 22:53:36

Hi purple, to be honest I guessed immediately from your initial response that you were from the "other side" so to speak but I have to say I am immediately impressed that you - for one - are so willing to accept what sometimes can happen. Unfortunately my daughter's needs are extremely complex and she would now find it impossible to live at home. Believe me we did everything within our power to keep her at home but none of the day special schools could cope with her and we were advised she definitely needed 24hr care which we had to admit at the time would be the best for her. She is now 16 and has been in her current placement since she was 8. Obviously I do not expect you to read previous very long posts but to cut an extremely long story short the management of this private centre changed completely 18 months ago and since then our lives have been a nightmare as they want complete control of our dd and would prefer us to be like most of the other parents and basically retreat from our dd's life as much as possible. Even today I have been told I am an issue!! If this was our dd choice then I would be more inclined to give them more space but dd is constantly asking for us and asking to come home and she has now become violent again which she hasn't done for years which we all strongly believe is due to the deterioration of care and why we all feel it is vital she is moved. We are very lucky that our county - she is presently out of county at huge expense - has invested a small fortune in a residential school which is much closer to home and where dd has been granted a place. Can't believe the difference in standards and we just know dd will love it as she responds incredibly well to firm but fair boundaries which we completely support as parents but unfortunately where she is now as you so rightly say purple is full of a--- kissers who don't give two hoots about parents. One other teenager whose mum was similar to me has been excluded because she demanded a breakdown of expenses which were being met from her ds trust. All I ever wanted was to be a mother. I never had a proper family of my own and had 3 babies who died well into pregnancy and then my beautiful dd had a massive brain haemmorhage at 6 months old! I am sorry to ask but doesn't anyone in your line of work ever even try and understand how devastating it is for parents to deal with? Both my husband and I have a beautiful home and are probably what many would consider well off but life often feels desolate because of Dd's difficulties. We just want to try and have as much of a normal relationship as possible and will never,ever give up on dd irrespective of how difficult it isor who we have to fight. Your comments are just so spot on purple but it upsets me so much to hear this behaviour is widespread. These people should be fired! I am still and always will be dd's mum and am enormously proud to be so. How dare anyone try and usurp my position!!

purplepidjin Tue 31-May-11 08:09:48

I don't generally post on a thread unless I've read it, which is why I suggested all the links you can use to kick some ass!

Unfortunately, all the workers who actually give a toss end up either so disillusioned with the lickarses that they leave, or get shunted into sideways promotions because we actually do the work we're employed to do. No promotions or payrises because that would mean the lickarses have to actually get their hands (instead of tongues) dirty...

Yes, parents can be a pita to staff. Always looking over our shoulders, checking up on us, making unworkable suggestions, demanding this that and the other for their pfb. It really doesn't take much to have some courtesy for someone who has been forced into the horrible position of realising that they are not the best person to care for their own child.

Your daughter's aggression is her telling them she's not happy. The first thing they should have been taught is that Behaviour = Communication, and your daughter sounds unsettled, frustrated and possibly frightened? Take away the things that are unsettling her and her frustration will decrease to a level that means she's no longer hurting people. C'mon, people, basic stuff here!

I'm not a parent, but there are a bunch of us out here who do our best to keep our residents and students happy, support them to live their own lives, and encourage family visits (no matter how dreadful the family, and I've met a few! Unfortunately my stories would all identify me so can't post here)

I'm very happy where I currently work, and would even let DP's neice (5 asd) live there if it was the right placement (I'm working with adults at the moment) so if you want to PM me with a rough location and we're near enough, I can make some suggestions smile

chinax Tue 31-May-11 23:33:29

Not sure what pfb is but found your comments re parents not being the best to care for their child incredibly scary purple! Sorry but don't know who has led you to believe that! Admitted there are some parents with totally unreasonable expectations and would agree they can be a complete pati even to other parents. However, no carer should ever suggest they are better for a child with loving parents! Asking for a very serious negative reaction!! Parents like us had no choice in the matter and I would be absolutely mortified if anyone remotely suggested they could care for our dd better than us. Give us a specially built house where dd could not harm herself and where we only had to deal with the condition 8 hours per day and not have to work full time too with no respite or family help available believe me no way would anyone else be caring for our daughter!! Very different when you have a child of your own purple and completely different trying to deal with this condition in a home environment with no other help and totally exhausted from days on end with no sleep - incredibly dangerous to all concerned. I always refer to it as the condition as it is not my daughter who is difficult as she has no control over this horrendous affliction.

purplepidjin Wed 01-Jun-11 15:32:36

Sorry, Chinax, that's what I was trying to say - that someone in authority deciding your child would be better off elsewhere must be an awful thing to have to go through. As a carer, I like knowing that parents are keeping an eye on me and that they are happy with the job I am doing. I don't think I really got down in words what I was trying to say, and totally agree with your post!

In an ideal world, each parent would be able to have their home painted neutral colours and secure storage for dangerous objects provided. Then, instead of me going to work at one house each day I would go to a different house and support parents in caring for their child.

I work 12 hour shifts. If parents could do the same (ie with decent night's sleep and a couple of days off a week) then of course they would be the absolute best person. However, I find that I can only deal with the high level of aggression from some residents because I can walk away and not think about if for a day or two. Parents don't have that option - you love your child and think about them constantly, am I right?

Again, apologies for giving the wrong impression

Davros Sun 12-Jun-11 18:55:29

How blood awful. How dare they decide that the bits and pieces you've bought with care don't matter. I think you did the right thing as they sometimes need a right bollocking, you can only be reasonable for so long and if it works for you. If it doesn't then get out the Alex Ferguson hair dryer!
We have got approval for DS's change to 52 week placement and I am very excited as it will give us so much more flexibility to see him more often but for fewer days at a time. In contrast his school keeps encouraging me to get him some individual bits for his room but I am dragging my heels as I've been ill. Bet you can't wait for her to move, not long now and I hope it all goes well and you can suffer through the last part of her current placement.

AllieZ Fri 01-Jul-11 12:33:58

chinax: no carer should ever suggest they are better for a child with loving parents!
I don't usually post here but sorry, chinax, I have found THIS scary. Caring for a SEN child is a profession. I hope you are not suggesting that a loving parent knows best how to take out an appendix, fill a tooth or set a broken arm just because the patient happens to be their own child?! Dealing with Autism, severe learning disabilities etc. is something some people learn about on university level for years and yes, they may know more about it than someone who happened to give birth to an asd/sld child.

And btw, how many NT children have you seen who have been totally and utterly spoilt and damaged by "loving caring parents"? Because I have seen loads, from ones so fat that they have Type II Diabetes at the age of 11; to ones who have been given all the gadgets and gizmos and end up in jail at the age of 13 because only car theft gives them thrill in life.

No, sorry, I don't buy the "parent knows best" stuff. Having children does not equip anyone with any magic skills in any profession, be it medicine, education or childcare.

flyinstar Tue 05-Jul-11 18:32:00

what a load of crap alliez,you are talking through a hole in your****.

colditz Tue 05-Jul-11 18:37:22

Precisely how is allieZ talking through a hole in her arse? Point out to me where she is IN FACT (ie not just youropinion) wrong.

tiredoffightingwithjelly Wed 06-Jul-11 21:47:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chinax Tue 27-Dec-11 22:59:33

Sorry not been on for a while but alliez I have to ask which planet are you on? I am sorry to say my dd has NEVER had a carer who has a specialist university qualification. Basically my experience of where my dd is at present is if they have a crb check and a pulse then they get the job! My dd would never have gone into 52 week residential unless there was any other option. You quite clearly don't have children and have very little or no personal experience of residential placements. Dd 's move to new placement has been delayed for a few months but is due to go ahead early march and I am delighted to say that staff at new centre do seem to have much more experience but theY interestingly agree with most of my comments too and actively encourage parents to spend as much time with dc as possible for a change. Not comparable at all with having dental treatment or an operation which is purely temporary. My dd's conditions are incurable and will be with all of us for life! Your comparisons were somewhat offensive Alliez not just to me but to all mn parents similar to myself.

Bakelitebelle Tue 03-Jan-12 18:38:19

chinax, quite right! How laughable that carers have specialist university qualifications...you are obviously not a carer either, AllieZ. Or if you are, you are in a unit/school/whatever that in no way resembles the rest of the education system or care 'industry'.

In my experience, most SN parents know their children inside out, it is simply the amount of time they are required to spend with a very challenging child, without adequate breaks, with additional sleep deprivation and unsuitable housing, that makes the job impossible for some. Some of the training I have been on, given by professionals, lacks any sort of genuine understanding of the challenges of parenting. The relationship between parent and paid carer should be mutually beneficial in terms of information sharing, as both parties have something to learn from the other

RafflesWay Mon 11-Jun-12 23:18:10

Hi everyone, I was previously chinax but had a name change a few months ago. Promised to update so here goes. Dd finally moved mid April following last minute hitch re health issues but finally all sorted. New unit and school is fantastic! I can't tell you how much happier all 3 of us are and dd has settled with new unit and staff unbelievably well. The old place really showed their true colours on the day dd left there. Manager of new residential house - who is incredibly professional - was staggered at the behaviour displayed to her staff by old place as were SS. So much so that our social services have formally apologized to us as a family for what we have had to suffer and categorically stated they will never place another child at this residential centre ever again! (it was out of our county of course). Dd already showing big improvements and her new key worker is just wonderful! For anyone else considering 52 week residential, again I would definitely recommend but following our experience I would strongly suggest trying to stay in county in a Local authority unit wherever possible. If you have to go out of county then it is much more difficult to monitor but if you feel the staff or management are trying to exclude you as parents then see this as a redlight warning! Good luck everyone and thank you so much for your comments and support, all of which have proved invaluable.

Davros Wed 13-Jun-12 20:26:47

Great to read that all turned out well and you were absolutely right. Funnily enough, my DS's residential school has become somewhat "parent resistant" in the last year, due to a new slimy CEO I think. It is not good but I am trying to make it work. I strongly believe that DS is happy and well cared for, this toe rag just doesn't see any point in keeping parents informed or involved.
So happy to hear your news.

RafflesWay Sun 24-Jun-12 03:00:17

Omg davros - that sounds sooo familiar!! We were the same as previous residential school was very good until new senior management took over.
I know you will keep an eye on this situation but do hope it is not same place.
Is ds placement in the north or south of England at all? If Scotland or wales definitely different school.

Davros Mon 25-Jun-12 19:47:57

I stuck the boot in on the recent Ofsted response, as did lots of other parents. The school is in Berkshire.... ring any bells? I would like to keep him there if possible but won't hesitate to look elsewhere, I need to anyway for 19+

RafflesWay Thu 05-Jul-12 00:01:33

Sorry davros doesn't ring any bells but so pleased you stuck the boot in with ofsted! We have just done exactly the same with old place as ofsted actually contacted us by telephone and then we had the opportunity to meet up with one of their officers. We were also able to sing the praises of new place at the same time! I strongly believe davros if all of us report these things honestly to ofsted then we are doing a real service to other parents and their lovely dc's who deserve nothing but the best! Good luck medear and keep fighting.

JJWMummy Mon 09-Jul-12 21:55:42

Hi Raffles, not posted but have stalked this thread for sometime now. So pleased for you all that everything has settled down now.

Just wanted to point out though, for future reference, that any care establishment can and should be reported to the CQC (Care Quality Commision) should any concerns for a vunerable persons welfare arise.

Ofsted aren't the only resposible body in authority.

Once again, really happy it all worked out well.

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