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9 year old with temper tantrums and violent towards me

(7 Posts)
Melsoaps Mon 11-Jul-11 16:12:52

Hi all, I'm quite new to this, so please bear with me, as it's quite long. I have posted this in the behaviour topic, but have been advised to post it here too. Basically, we've had an awful weekend with my 9 year old DS. This topic has probably been covered loads in the past, but he started 'playing up' from the age of about 4 years, but back then we'd just had a new baby, moved house, and he started school, so I put it down to all the changes in his life. Over the years, he has continued to have behavioural problems and I took him to the GP. This proved a bit pointless and although we were advised there were slight traits of ADHD, nothing was ever diagnosed and we saw a mild improvement. Also, he is very well behaved in school & gets good results in everything, so he can control himself. However, at home over the past year or so, he flies into rages over the slightest thing, particularly if he is being told to do something he doesn't want to, throws things around, damages things, threatens to hurt his sister, says the worse swear words he can possibly think of, screams and shouts, and is very aggressive. The worse part is that he has now started to hit me, jump at me, and nip me etc. He is so angry all the time and I am ashamed to admit that I hit him this weekend as I was in tears over this behaviour. We have tried to take things away from him, ie. X-box and computer, but when he gets them back, it starts again, especially if he loses a game or something. He will throw the controller and blame everything and everybody else for anything which doesn't go his way. His Dad does work a lot and although he loves him, I believe he doesn't spend enough time with him. We do try to do things as a family, but this is very often spoiled if DS doesn't like what we are doing or is bored. He has a complete lack of respect for me and occasionally other adults. This weekend has been the worse in his life and I'm really at my wits end as to what to do. He always says sorry like he did on saturday, but did the same again on sunday. As soon as the screaming cries start, it's very difficult to get him to calm down. Any advice would be appreciated from a very stressed out mum of two. (my eyes are swollen today with all the crying) Thanks xx

Kezzareece Thu 28-Jul-11 11:47:05

Have you looked into Pathological Demand Avoidance, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder? Both are associated with ADHD and Autism. I'm not a healthcare professional, but do understand the trials of trying to find out if there is something wrong with your child!

My son has High Functioning Autism, Dyslexia and Dyspraxic needs. He was diagnosed at 8 years old after half a dozen professionals told me that my son was lovely...they didn't know what was wrong with him.... but he was a lovely child.

Very frustrating.

laurathomasamberjaida Thu 05-Apr-12 22:11:23

have just read this post and i am having exactly the same problem and ashamed to admit some of the things he says. i know its an old post but did it improve or how did you sort the problem out

Kats2 Wed 17-Apr-13 17:31:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

kimmi2004 Fri 07-Feb-14 12:16:01

My Daughter is 9 and has been behaving violently to me for over a year now, i am a single parent and have basically put my life on hold to look after her. i work full time too. Recently her bad behaviour - hitting me scratching and digging her nails into my arms, punching and pushing me - has increased and i am at my wits end. I have sought help from the GP and school - she has been referred to teens in crisis. But things have gotten so bad i have no idea what to do and am afraid to discipline her too strictly as i dont know what she's going to do to me. I took all her stuff out of her room the last time she attacked me and in response to that she attacked me again.
I have asked her dad to have her for a while as she seems to believe that living with him would be better than living with me. i feel like i am abandoning her. I am worried how we can move on when she comes back but i need to have the break to get myself right mentally as i feel worn down. does anyone have any advice?

kimmi2004 Fri 07-Feb-14 12:18:12

She is sorry for a while but then reverts back to type, last night i went out for a drink with a work colleague and she punched me when i got home. she is now sorry cos i called her dad and asked him to have her, she swore at me,

ouryve Fri 07-Feb-14 12:35:10

Kimmi - this board is really quiet and you might get overlooked. Come over to special needs: children or special needs: chat.

And don't feel guilty about taking a break. You shouldn't have to handle it all while her dad just takes her to Macdonalds for 2 hours.

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