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My son tried to hang himself in school yesterday.

(93 Posts)
WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 16:28:58

My son has ASD. He has never got on in school but is academically at least 2 years ahead. Unfortunately he suffers from depression. He is 10 years old.
Yesterday, after receiving yet more verbal bullying from the other boys he tried to hang himself using a skipping rope attached to the climbing frame in the hall.
He is scared of heights and can't tie knots well, so I questioned this, turns out another boy tied the rope for him and stood there watching whilst my son tried to strangle himself to death. Only at the last moment did another boy run for help.

My son is upposed to get 1:1 21 hours per week in mainstream.

I am still in total shock, I know my son has had self harm issues in the past and recently his psychiatrist left, leaving him with no support (he used to have regular appointments).

I don't know what to think regarding the lack of supervision and the fact another child helped my son to, effectively, commit suicide.

I am in a totally torn state of mind today.

As ever, the school are a bunch of feckless arseholes, trying to placate me once again with 'ooh we need to speak to the Ed Psych again' crap they keep coming out with.

Sorry to rant, I am sure you can understand my anger and frustration over the whole affair.

The school are now saying they don't think my son will fit in well at Secondary School. 'No? Well who'd have thought!!!! If he can't cope with 100 kids, whats he going to be like when there are over a thousand!?


WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 16:31:05

By the way, he is physically ok. Spent last night crying, upset, wanted to die, that sort of thing but he has calmed down a lot today. Still very sad and withdrawn though.

Bloody hell you poor thing and poor son. Is he off school today.
Can't believe the schools reaction to the incident and the bullying
How is your son now he's home. Have you seen anyone professiknally about this?

X post, that's heartbreaking. Hope he's getting loads of cuddles. Please don't send him back to that schol. Would a special school be an option?

Actually at 10, what does he say he needs to feel better?
Have you been in touch with camhs?

HandMadeTail Thu 31-May-12 16:34:43

Oh, When, I don't know what to say. I know others will be along with advice, but this is just awful, and an absolute disgrace that this happened. sad also angry

Well done to the boy that helped him, though.

Can you take him out tomorrow somewhere fantastic, before the half term crowds? I know that's not going to address the problem but it might help cheer him up a little.

It soundsto me like the boy was part of it but only ran off because it was getting serious. I don't think he deserves any praise.

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 16:54:54

The boy that ran off was part of it. He is one of the kids who constantly picks on my son. The kid who tied the rope has spent many hours playing at my house and my son believed he was his friend...until now.
School has finished here. They only went in for a jubilee party today. Inset tomorrow.
We are taking him away to the beach for the long weekend, even though it will piss down with rain. We just need to get away.
Camhs have been involved for 5 years, thats where he had his monthly psych appnts, but because his psych left we were told he wouldn't get another one due to underfunding. They suddenly changed their tune when the school rang them to tell them of the incident!

School head says she is looking round for 'alternative education'. There is not muc option round here. The one 'special school' is for severe learning difficulties, which he does not have.

I just find it heartbreaking

alison222 Thu 31-May-12 16:55:48

Oh! sad.
It sounds like the other boy needs to be dealt with too if he is tying knots for your DS - is he one of the bullys?
angry at school for trying to placate you. They should be doing something about the other children. Complain in writing re this.

I do hope your DS is feeling a bit better today. Keep him at home as long as he needs.

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 17:01:46

Thanks for the support everyone. It has always been a struggle here.
He constantly tells me that he wants to die, wishes he'd never been born etc. Makes me feel hollow inside.

He said to me yesterday. 'Mum, you know I will do it one day, it's just a matter of time'

How do you deal with that?

I think he has had a bad time in school recently, been picked on every day this week and came home in tears. Hormones have a part to play, I recently noticed he was developing 'hairy parts' so we had a little talk about emotions with him. Unfortunately he doesn't do emotions well, so it's hard for him.

TheLightPassenger Thu 31-May-12 17:34:41

I'm so sorry, how awful for you and your child and your family sad. If you feel up to it, would you consider speaking to the police at all, it really makes my blood run cold that other children seem to have been involved with tying the rope. Do you have a decent GP? They could sign him off school due to illness and try and get CAMHS to offer more support urgently.

TheLightPassenger Thu 31-May-12 17:35:43

Is it OK to do a link to this thread on main SN board, so more people can see and offer advice, the main SN board is used more than SN education.

colditz Thu 31-May-12 17:38:44

Could you home educate him for a while?

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 17:48:10

Lightpassenger, it's ok to do a link if you know how! I don't mind.

I just don't know wat to do at the moment but we have 10 days holiday now to think about everything.

EBDTeacher Thu 31-May-12 17:53:54

So angry on your behalf that the school took such a blase attitude and that CAMHS are so useless. angry

Have you looked around to see if there is a Special School in a nearby county or a suitable special Independent around you?

If there is I would start the process of pushing for an out of county placement. I'm not saying that it would solve everything but an educational placement with knowledgable, speciallist staff with the freedom to tailor their service to your DS's needs would surely help.

NarkedPuffin Thu 31-May-12 17:56:17

I'd ask for advice on the special needs board as they have more experience of these issues. From my POV, I'd roast the head over a fiery pit. What the hell are they doing about the bullying? What are they doing to supervise him at school? What were the consequences for the child who tied the knot and then watched?

[[ Hugs ]]

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:04:55

This is awful news. Let me put my professional hat on for this.

First things first, I would recommend a psychiatric appointment as a matter of urgency tomorrow. Go to the GP or even A and E if necessary, and tell them what happened. This is incredibly serious and a higher priority than a holiday IMO. Could you do that?

Secondly, do not send your son to school until the bullies have been removed. If they are not removed before the end of term, then simply don't send him back in. If children are taunting another child to this degree, and typing knots in a rope for him to hang himself, this is about as extreme as it gets in terms of bullying, and I am appalled that the school hasn't already excluded the bullies. If this got to court they would look incredibly neglectful, apart from anything else.

In terms of another school, it would help if you were proactive. Consider a specialist boarding school with expertise in high functioning ASD, perhaps, where fees would be (reluctantly) paid by the Local Authority. Or consider a local small independent school - again, the LA may end up having to pay fees, or there may be bursaries. Last resort might be to relocate the family - anything rather than suffer as you are all doing at the moment. The LA might be in a position to offer some home tutoring if it was sufficiently worried you might take legal action at any point.

I really hope you find the help he needs, OP.

EBDTeacher Thu 31-May-12 18:27:16

Agree with Boffin that it help a great deal if you take the lead in finding the school you think you be right for your DS. I would scour the options and make visits to potential schools. When you find one you think is right you may have to take it to tribunal to get a placement. I do think it would be worth it though.

EBDTeacher Thu 31-May-12 18:28:49

and yes, I would be pretty tepmted to drag the old school over the coals.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:30:03

If half of what you say on here is true, the school has it coming to them.

EBDTeacher Thu 31-May-12 18:30:10

Sorry for all the typos in that- I am very tired!

cocolepew Thu 31-May-12 18:30:55

My DD had suicidal thoughts and I took her to A&E, I got help very quickly because of this.

I'm horrified this has happened, your poor son. If the school is not taking it seriously, phone the police. Inform the school you have, inform your LEA as well.

TBH I would go to a solicitor as well.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:31:03

Whereabouts are you, OP? More or less?

giraffesCantFitInThePalace Thu 31-May-12 18:31:31

Can highly reccomend childline if he wants to talk. Also has a msn type chat service if prefers that.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:31:48

I think a solicitor would say this is a personal injury case, if your son has been taunted to the point of attempted suicide.

ohmeohmy Thu 31-May-12 18:32:23

So sorry to hear about this. Is the schoolmpunishing the bullies? I really hope you find what your son needs. SN school will help a lot if you can find one.

cocolepew Thu 31-May-12 18:33:11

Sorry meant to add I work in a special school and they jump at the mearest mention of a solicitor.

CAHMS was shit for my DD, luckily I found a wonderful CBT therapist that my mum paid for.

Glad to hear others agree - what these bos (?) did was absolutely horrific - what sort of children are they? And as for the school...words fail me
Definitel look into special schools out of county - independents as well.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:36:14

One thing that can be helpful with children suffering like this is to say that you have had enough of watching them having such difficulties, and as their parent, you are now moving in to sort the mess out big time, and they are not to worry any more, as you have the matter in hand. That can bring a great sense of relief, and buy some time.

WetAugust Thu 31-May-12 18:37:23

Get him out of that school immediately.

Stayining there is damaging him. You have a hope of reversing that damage if you take him out now.

You'll need to see GP to get him signed off as unfit to attend school.

Ask CAMHS for an urgent appointmnet.

Ask for a copy of the Serious Incident Report that his school should have sent to the Local Authority.

Make an urgent appointment with the Head of SN within the LA's Education Service and discuss altentive placements.

Most counties have autistic bases attached to mainstream secondary schools - these are small sheletered units that cater for ASD children. You'd probably need a Statement to get him admitted.

If he has a Statement then ask the Head of SEN why he is breaking the law by failing to provide it.

You need to get very very angry indeed. I would involve the Police.

School will shrug it off or try to downplay it. This is serious and there is no way that you should send him back to that unsuitable placement.

My DS was bullied to the extent that he needed admission to a psychiatric unit in his teens. That's how damaging bullying is. 10 years on I am still dealing with the aftermath and he still needs psyhiatric help.

Don't let your son end up like that.

robotcornysilk Thu 31-May-12 18:39:18

so sorry to hear about this sad- your poor ds and what a terrible shock for you. School have failed massively in their duty of care. young minds will be able to advise you also about getting help for ds also.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:39:58

Wetaugust gives sound advice.

Lougle Thu 31-May-12 18:40:15

What is the age of criminal responsibility, 10? Police, I think. LA too. Thus should be recorded as a near miss.

sorry wetaugust sad

cocolepew Thu 31-May-12 18:55:23

I can't believe that boys actually tied the rope for him, what is wrong with people? Please phone the police for advice at least.

akaemmafrost Thu 31-May-12 19:01:30

sad we were getting to this point. Ds has ASD, hypermobility, sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia. He was going to pieces before our very eyes within weeks of starting in a unit for kids with HFA. I pulled him out, there was no other choice. I am currently de-schooling him ie doing jack all at home such is his fear of any kind of education sad. He has blossomed. Happy, believes me now when I tell him how great he is.

So so sorry about your son. Poor little boy. I am crying at the thought of it sad.

akaemmafrost Thu 31-May-12 19:04:04

Also if you need some breathing space, get him signed off sick with your GP. I did this month after month for 6 months when his mainstream school were threatening to get educational welfare involved.

ouryve Thu 31-May-12 19:11:40

Just followed over form the link on the SN board and there's not much I can add, but I'll definitely break the MN no hugs convention sad

No way should he go back to that school unless they can guarantee that there is no risk of him ending up alone with these boys again. Inform the school and the EWO of this. And yes to asking for copies of all paperwork related to the incident and playing merry hell if anything is amiss.

Definitely contact the police. This is far more sinister than boys being pushy and manipulative sad

And a psychiatric assessment is a matter of priority. Get him to the nearest paediatric A&E tonight or tomorrow.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 31-May-12 19:15:54

Oh, your poor sonsad Hownaeful for him to get to that stage and for other children to be essentially encouraging himangry

I see you've got some really good advice, MN can be so good sometimes. I can't give any good advice really, I do work in mental health but with adults. The quickest way to get MH input would be A&E, there is always psychiatric liaison service available. I think the seriousness warrants it.

Speaking as a parent, I couldn't send my child back to a school like that. I just don't think I could. Imknow it's easier said than done

I feel for you op, I really do. To have your son saying he expects to kill himself one day......that would rip me in two, it really wouldsad

ThreadWatcher Thu 31-May-12 19:17:27

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish sad

My son is now 10 (year 5) with a dx of aspergers and home educated since July 09.
I took him out of school almost three years ago because he talked about
murdering the staff, burning the school down or killing himself everyday.
The school senco's response was frankly appalling, "cant you just encourage him to........" despite my having mentioned his sucidal comments seconds earlier.
He is a different boy now in so many ways. Everyone I knew at the time told me Home Education was a ridiculous idea - I knew it was a great choice, it has actually turned out to be a fantastic choice for him and his sister.

Home education isnt for every family/child but if I were you I would seriously consider it - at least until you have found an alternative (much much better) school. home ed corner of MN

WetAugust speaks very wise words sad

Big unmumsnet hug from me and my ds to you and yours sad

<retreats to weep for the crap experiences so many ASD kids have in school>

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 19:34:24

Go to the police. This is not bullying, this is attempted murder, aggravated by disability discrimination. There is no assisted suicide in England, helping someone die is just the same as killing them.

I know the other kid was young too, but criminal responsibility starts from 10th birthday for serious matters if the child knew what they were doing. And a child this disturbed to try and kill your child, whilst making it look like suicide needs some very, very serious intervention very rapidly. and your poor, poor boy was left alone at this dangerous kid's mercy sad angry

I am not often shocked, but am genuininely horrified the school didn't call police, ambulance, social services etc straight away. Imagine if this happened in secondary school, even in year 7, the school's police liason officer would already have involved the main police teams.

ohmeohmy Thu 31-May-12 19:35:42
ArthurPewty Thu 31-May-12 19:45:06

wot WA said.

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 19:46:05

Police teams like this exist, your area will have similar.

Example of a camhs emergency service

Self-harm: local policy suggesting what doctors must do

Of all the services, the police tend to be most sensible, closely followed by A&E

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 20:02:46

Oh yeah, and tomorrow is Friday before bank holiday weekend, so calling the cops tonight is actually necessary so they can interview the culprits and witness kids ASAP (they need to book an interview suite, maybe videos, specialist officers, appropriate adults, etc)

Do not rely on the school. They think a bit of advice from the ed psych and/or suggesting you try for a special school is the appropriate intervention for attempted murder???? Some people are just not that bothered about having one less disabled dc in the world.

Assisted suicide / attempted murder distinction between two crimes.

seaofyou Thu 31-May-12 20:39:22

You need to get police involved to go to the school to give talk as the boy who is NT and understands what the consequences could have been in trouble for assisting suicide. Get ds to GP ASAP (emergency appointment tomorrow) or go to A&E tonight as he may try and succeed next time and usually failed attempt is often tried again soon after. HT will need to be informed and NSPCC and NAS should be contacted for extra support at school.

seaofyou Thu 31-May-12 20:43:57

Just saw Wet's sorry for cross post as GP will not allow ds back to school

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 21:19:28

We are in South Wales.
I was informed previously that it was highly unlikely my son would be statemented so there was no point going through the process. So he wouldn't be able to get any help. Today I questioned this again and was told if I wanted to try, now was a good time, so we may go down that route.
If he can get a statement it means more doors will be opened. They are talking of social workers now, when before they have not said anything.

We are going away tomorrow so I have to start getting ready now. Will be thinking about all this whilst away.
So thanks for the support, will keep you posted when back

ThreadWatcher Thu 31-May-12 21:50:52

Whenwill - Ive pm'd you...

WetAugust Thu 31-May-12 21:51:23

They are lying to you when they tell you that it's unlikley your DS would receive a Statement. He desperately needs one and with a littl bit of a fight it should be achievable.

The reason he is not getting the 1:1 you say he is supposed to get is that, without a Statement, it's up to school to decide what support he give him and school can withdraw that support at any time.

With a Statement the support it says he must have must be provided by school - or they will be breaking the law. As you can prove he's already had 1:1 that's good evidence that he actually needs a Statement. He certainly needs one before he goes to secondary school.

You need to understand that school will not do anything that will involve extra expense without being forced to - hence them telling you he wouldn't get an (expensive) Statement. If they won't apply for one for you then you should do it yourself - you are perfectly entitled to do so.

I appreciate you're going on holiday but truly I would find the time this evening to call the Police about the incident at school. If you don't school will sweep it under the carpet. You were lucky this time - what if noone gets there in time to help next time?

That's why it's important that the Police are involved and that you never send him back to that school ever again.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 22:16:54

Look, just for now, forget about the police, forget about the school, and concentrate on the main matter, which is the mental health of your son. In my professional opinion I think he needs medical advice and attention immediately. By immediate I mean when the surgery opens tomorrow.

Please deal with that first, then the rest will fall into place anyway. A good GP will be able to offer access to all sorts of practical help.

TheLightPassenger Thu 31-May-12 23:04:35

I agree with Boffin, I think he needs to see someone asap to assess how he is doing mental healthwise, and to plan what to do after the holiday (if he's to be signed off school)

ArthurPewty Fri 01-Jun-12 08:02:58

THis is precisely WHY he needs a statement...

how is he today
(I know you said yu're going away so may not answer)
Hope he has a fun and carefree time

mariasalome Sat 02-Jun-12 22:38:28

Hope holiday is going well, and thought that you might like to see this online school for children recovering from bullying.

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 07-Jun-12 17:06:16

Right, we're back from trip away.
I tried to speak to the Ed Psych today but they are all on holiday with just some bloke left to man the phones, so no joy there. He did say that I would not be unreasonable to keep son at home until LEA/School put something in place to protect son. He also said 'Oh everyone in the office knows about that case'. So confidentiality isn't a watchword there then?

Son becoming increasingly agitated as monday approaches (as am I).
Tried to ring childline for advice but somethin wrong with phones. couldn't hear them speaking, tried several times. no joy.
Lady from cerebra ringing back tomorrow.

Apparently only special schools locally are for children who have severe learning difficulties, so don't know why the Head would say that she wanted to send him to one as they won't accept him.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 07-Jun-12 17:22:24

Your poor sonsad

Would it be an option practically, to keep him off school at the moment?

At least until you can get more information on exactly what will happen from here and what is going to be done to help your son.

boredandrestless Thu 07-Jun-12 17:38:37

This appalling. Like another poster I am wondering what kind of primary school aged children would torment a child to this extreme - even helping him tie a rope. It's sickening and I hope their parents know and are ashamed to their core.

If this were my son I would pull him out of school until it's all resolved. The school has failed him and he is not safe there. If you have to work and can't take parental leave ask around for a mother's help/relative/child care student/anyone to look after him at home for the short term.

Has your DS talked to you about how he is feeling? Have you gone into docs and asked for urgent help for him through camhs?

Your poor boy. sad

mariamariam Fri 08-Jun-12 01:14:59

Please, please call someone from outside education for help. The NHS is not perfect, but nurses and doctors should (and almost always do) help find a way forward when someone's life has been in danger.

The children who 'helped' your son attempt suicide also need to be dealt with. Social services, police, school nurse... this is either a crime or a serious child protection issue. There was massive failure to protect your son, failure to protect the other children from nearly killing him. If this happened at home (near-death of a child with a disability left unattended with other children and a rope) we'd expect to be charged with neglect.

ThreadWatcher Fri 08-Jun-12 01:28:40

Whenwillthebuildersfinish - Is he going to school on Monday?
I would do anything to avoid that if I were you. What can possibly be gained by sending him back to that same school?

I do sincerely hope you figure out what to do to help your son. And get some justice for the misery he is clearly experiencing.

Yes agree with all the rest, your son should not be off school the bullies should but the rights and wrongs are so much less important than keeping your son safe at the moment.
How is he? Did the trip away help? Does he have any friends outside school (scouts etc) or could you set something like that up?
I cannot belive how crap the school and the LA are being. I used to work in childrn's services and I'm fairly sure if anything like this had happened it would have been an all leave cancelled situation, and the head of Safeguarding personally involved in the details. They sound like they just don't get it. Have you involved the police - sorry, can't remember if you've already mentioned that. Those boys need punishment and help themselves and everyone at the LA needs to be falling over themselves to explain how they're going to make this right for your DS.
Pathetic I know, but can you threaten the LA with Ofsted? Sometimes I wonder if that's all they'll see (not in all areas, obviously)

\Just realised you say he's becoming increasinly agitated as Monday approaches. Please don't send him back. As someone else says, a 6th form or University student could come and revise (I think - is it that time?) in the house with him. Not ideal but better than school.

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Fri 08-Jun-12 09:18:58

Thanks everyone,
He has no friends, we live semi rurally, no kids nearby.
I don't work atm, so can easily keep him off school.
The thing that gets me is, in the past when he has been off school due to bullying/stress the school then send me a 'your child has low attendance' letter. It really pisses me off. He broke his toe and ripped the nail out last year and was off school for 10 days, they sent work home but I still got the 'low attendance' letter.
I really hate them. I spoke to the truancy officer and she said schools had to use their discretion when sending letters and I shouldn't have received one..the head maintains she must send them by law. Who is lying?
I don't know. I have just about given up on the whole situation. Seems to me school/lea not taking it seriously at all.
Maybe I am just over reacting.
I feel very depressed myself, been crying a lot today.
Just had enough really.

cocolepew Fri 08-Jun-12 09:28:34

This is awful for you but you mustnt give up. The amount of child protection issues this throws up is shocking.

If you have phoned the LEA etc and are getting nowhere, take legal advice immediately.

Have you phoned the police? SS? Your GP? your son seriously needs help now and the school needs to take responsibilty.

Stay strong.

I don't think the school are lying I think they are a bunch of fucking incompetents

cocolepew Fri 08-Jun-12 09:55:02

You are so not over reacting!

I probably would have been arrested by now for throttling someone.

mariamariam Fri 08-Jun-12 11:25:59

Truancy officer! She sounds relatively competent. Yay. Phone her. Now. & if she's out on hols, can leave a message and/or email.

mariamariam Fri 08-Jun-12 11:29:20

I'm nagging again: GP, social service, police. The school may well turn on you and say it's all due to stress or abuse at home. I can't see any other route they have to cover their backs (and they have good reason to need to seriously fear for their jobs, as the above poster said, most areas would consider big action eg 'serious case review' for this)

Is your ds off on Monday or is that just our area?

alison222 Fri 08-Jun-12 12:41:53

I also wanted to add my nagging. Please consider the police, the GP etc. The other children really need to be dealt with too hence the police - also contacting the police will enable you to get more help too.

I would definitely keep your DS off school until this can be resolved.

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 18:19:44


Crying's OK for temporary relief but gettiing really angry at what is happening to your DS is far far more effective for getting him the support he needs.

You need to get angry. How dare school permit your child to be abused in this way? That's what you shoudl be asking yourself. And get angry.

Doing nothing is not going to improve the situation. Doing what I suggested a week ago will. So I'll repeat that advice, as it's still valid.

Get him out of that school immediately.

Stayining there is damaging him. You have a hope of reversing that damage if you take him out now.

You'll need to see GP to get him signed off as unfit to attend school.

Ask CAMHS for an urgent appointmnet.

Ask for a copy of the Serious Incident Report that his school should have sent to the Local Authority.

Make an urgent appointment with the Head of SN within the LA's Education Service and discuss altentive placements.

Most counties have autistic bases attached to mainstream secondary schools - these are small sheletered units that cater for ASD children. You'd probably need a Statement to get him admitted.

If he has a Statement then ask the Head of SEN why he is breaking the law by failing to provide it.

You need to get very very angry indeed. I would involve the Police.

Panadbois Fri 08-Jun-12 18:42:59

Poor boy. Please take him out of school. Don't take him on Monday. Have you got SNAP where you are? They can help people and families with special needs.

Take care of yourself too (tempted to call you honey, but I won't).

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Fri 08-Jun-12 18:44:31

Right, I rang the police school liason officer. They have taken it very seriously, they sent a copper to get a statement and are appalled that the school did not inform them of the incident.

In the statement my son made it transpired that when the headteacher came to see what the fuss was about she told my son to take the rope off his neck, he said he couldn't because there were two knots, which he can't undo. She untied the rope herself and made him sit in her office, but when someone came to a meeting there she made him go out and sit on his own in the hall where the incident had happened. Although she left the door ajar, he had no direct supervision.

Shocking. I am so angry with her.

I know my son has told me he wants to kill the bullies, bomb the school etc in the past, he has had panic attacks at school and repeatedly banged his head on the wall due to the kids picking on him.

I have complained, we even went with him to the GP to get him signed off sick but they refused, saying they couldn't do it, not policy to give sick notes to a child.

So, because the LEA told us if we didn't send him in we would be open to prosecution for truancy, we had to send him back (this was Nov '11, I found the letter written to the GP on computer).

I am glad the police are involved now, the copper said they often have run in's with the incompetent LEA and social workers, so are used to dealing with them. The officer that came said my son's statement was heartbreaking and he deals with this sort of thing a lot. They are putting the case forward to the child safety team at police station and they will contact me in the next couple of days and arrange a liason meeting with the school.
He told me not to send my son back until somethng is sorted.

Well done OP, though I would not be sending my son back at all to somewhere where he has had such a huge breach of his safety.

Panadbois Fri 08-Jun-12 18:59:21

Good. Someone's taking you seriously at last. (Am crying reading this)

MissYamabuki Fri 08-Jun-12 19:04:34

Well done OP. Depending on response from LEA I would consider getting my MP involved.

lionheart Fri 08-Jun-12 19:12:31

Thank goodness someone is doing their job, OP. I was wondering how your weekend went. Coming back to negotiate all of this must be very stressful for you both.

School needs a rocket up its metaphorical bckside.

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 19:26:50

Good - now you have it recorded on Police records so when the truancy officer comes calling you can ask her whether it would be negligent to send a child to a school that failed so miserably in its duty of care.

IF GP won't sign him off you need to contact CAMHS urgently and ask them to do so.

The LA should have received a Serious incident report from the school. I would ring the LA and ask if they've received it. If not - why not. If so - what do they plan to do about the fact that a suicide attempt was made at the school?

Don't bank on the Police inevstigating this fully. The usual outcome is that school will play it down / blame the child etc.

Shocking. I am so angry with her. That's the best thing I've seen about this.

Stay angry.

ThreadWatcher Fri 08-Jun-12 19:46:41

Seriously OP investigate home education, even if just temporarily.

My son wanted to bomb his school, murder all the staff and frequently talked about killing himself too. It didnt get to the point that he took any action about his threats, because I deregistered him from school before it got that bad.
A child who is deregistered from school is not truanting so you cant get into trouble for that.
Home education isnt as scary as many people think - especially as in the first few months all most families do is chill out and rediscover their children.
I wonder what action the school will take against the bullies.

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 20:50:30

If CAMHS advise that he's too unwell to be at school then the LA will ahve to provide home tuition for him. That's a better route than HEing - but agree if HE is the only option they go for it.

mariamariam Sat 09-Jun-12 01:39:28

Truancy officer... Bring it on. Don't send him there ever again but do not deregister him till alternative provision (tutor or other) is in place

Magistrate: why are you here?
When will: [produces police report] school didn't intervene when a child there tried to murder him, so the officer investigating said I have to keep him home
Magistrate: shock

mariamariam Sat 09-Jun-12 01:42:33

Home edding is great, can combine with keeping him on the books till LEA acknowledge his needs. Magistrates are much more sensible than schools/LEAs.

cocolepew Sat 09-Jun-12 05:46:39

Im so glad you have informed the police.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that the head saw him with the rope around his neck and didn't seem to have any reaction.

pinkorkid Sat 09-Jun-12 07:35:57

If you tell your GP about the suicide attempt, he will refer to CAMHS as an emergency appointment. As well as hopefully helping your son to deal with the trauma he has been through, they will write teh supporting letter you need inorder to access educational support for your ds when out of school. Normally htis kicks in at the earliest when a child has been out of school for 3 weeks if an unexpected illness but given the circumstances they should set it up more quickly.

Some information below from the directgov website on accessing home tuition:

"If your child can’t attend school: the role of your local authority

If your child is too sick to go to school, your local authority will look to provide them with as normal an education as an illness allows.
This may mean, for example, arranging access to home teaching, a hospital school or hospital teaching service or an integrated hospital/home education service.
Local authorities should have a senior officer in charge of overseeing the arrangements. They should also have a written policy setting out how they will go about meeting their responsibilities.
The local authority is responsible for ensuring that pupils:
are not at home without access to education for more than 15 working days
have access to education from the start, if it’s clear that they will be away from school for long and recurring periods
receive an education of similar quality to that available in school
get their minimum entitlement of five hours teaching per week if they’re educated at home because of illness, as long as their health permits it
Standards for the education of children with medical needs
There are national minimum standards of education for children who cannot attend school because they are ill or injured, outlined in guidance called 'Access to education for children and young people with medical needs'."

link here to the key document:


Partnership with parents www.parentpartnership.org.uk/ should also support you in dealings with the school and LA - for example they will attend meetings with you and take the minutes on your behalf. They will go to you first to check for accuracy before circulating.

Keep strong - you are doing the right thing contacting the police and keeping ds at home, pending finding more suitable setting for his needs.

When you are ready to start the application process for a statement, which will I think be key to getting him the proper support he needs in a school setting, there will be lots of advice available here and on sn children part of the board. Very many of us, whose dcs now have statements, were initially fobbed off by the school or LA as you have been. I'm so sorry that school's unwillingness to listen to your concerns have led to this happening to your son.

pinkorkid Sat 09-Jun-12 07:37:17
Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 09-Jun-12 14:33:40

Your poor son, this really is one of the most moving things I have read on MN.

I'm really shocked at the head teachers reaction or lack of it! Ffs, I work with acutely mentally ill adults and nothing chills me more than the times I have had to remove ligatures form around people's necks. It's very disturbing and upsetting, I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel if I came across a child in that situation.

Please keep him off school op. Now the police are involved and aware you should have a much stronger case to tell the truancy people where to go if you get hassle......

I'm unable to offer more practical advice, I'm clueless really as to how this could happen but it's touched me deeply because I have a son a similar age and because of the job I do.

All the best for you and your son op.

boredandrestless Sat 09-Jun-12 17:27:48

Glad to hear the police are taking this seriously, and too right they should.

The head sounds like has no warmth or feeling in her at all. Telling him to untie himself? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! shock angry Then a short while later sending him back into the same room unsupervised, after being sat in the head's office like he was misbehaving. Why were the bullies not in the head's office being given a right rollocking?!??!

I agree that keeping him home is your only option for now. I would write to the LEA (or email so you have record of what you wrote) and the school saying you have been advised by the police to keep your son out of school while they investigate. That should scare them and keep them off your back. Gits!

Oblomov Sat 09-Jun-12 21:03:54

So very sorry to read this awful tale. My sons school seem apathetic and blase about him wanting to kill himself. But he is nothing, compared to the severity of what you son actually did. What he did actually DO.
I hope that you get more support. Because you, as many others, have been severely let down. Start your SA application. Don't send him back. See what you can get out of the police and cahms. I wish you every success.

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 23-Aug-12 22:01:07

Hi - is there any further update?

Eliza22 Tue 18-Sep-12 14:20:19

I've just come to this as I wanted to post about education.

What has happened since? How is your son now?

This is a very very serious incident. Was it treated as such?

LocaBillmore188 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:50:25

I'm sorry to hear this

LocaBillmore188 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:53:47

My son tried to commit suicide as well. He's 14 and tried to jump off a bridge near the house. This may sound wrong but thank God he has mild cerebral palsy and couldn't climb over the railings!
Hope this gets sorted for you but when a suicide attempt fails then be warned they may try again so be careful XXX

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