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My son tried to hang himself in school yesterday.

(93 Posts)
WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 16:28:58

My son has ASD. He has never got on in school but is academically at least 2 years ahead. Unfortunately he suffers from depression. He is 10 years old.
Yesterday, after receiving yet more verbal bullying from the other boys he tried to hang himself using a skipping rope attached to the climbing frame in the hall.
He is scared of heights and can't tie knots well, so I questioned this, turns out another boy tied the rope for him and stood there watching whilst my son tried to strangle himself to death. Only at the last moment did another boy run for help.

My son is upposed to get 1:1 21 hours per week in mainstream.

I am still in total shock, I know my son has had self harm issues in the past and recently his psychiatrist left, leaving him with no support (he used to have regular appointments).

I don't know what to think regarding the lack of supervision and the fact another child helped my son to, effectively, commit suicide.

I am in a totally torn state of mind today.

As ever, the school are a bunch of feckless arseholes, trying to placate me once again with 'ooh we need to speak to the Ed Psych again' crap they keep coming out with.

Sorry to rant, I am sure you can understand my anger and frustration over the whole affair.

The school are now saying they don't think my son will fit in well at Secondary School. 'No? Well who'd have thought!!!! If he can't cope with 100 kids, whats he going to be like when there are over a thousand!?

Sheesh

LocaBillmore188 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:53:47

My son tried to commit suicide as well. He's 14 and tried to jump off a bridge near the house. This may sound wrong but thank God he has mild cerebral palsy and couldn't climb over the railings!
Hope this gets sorted for you but when a suicide attempt fails then be warned they may try again so be careful XXX

LocaBillmore188 Sun 15-Sep-13 14:50:25

I'm sorry to hear this

Eliza22 Tue 18-Sep-12 14:20:19

I've just come to this as I wanted to post about education.

What has happened since? How is your son now?

This is a very very serious incident. Was it treated as such?

myBOYSareBONKERS Thu 23-Aug-12 22:01:07

Hi - is there any further update?

Oblomov Sat 09-Jun-12 21:03:54

So very sorry to read this awful tale. My sons school seem apathetic and blase about him wanting to kill himself. But he is nothing, compared to the severity of what you son actually did. What he did actually DO.
I hope that you get more support. Because you, as many others, have been severely let down. Start your SA application. Don't send him back. See what you can get out of the police and cahms. I wish you every success.

boredandrestless Sat 09-Jun-12 17:27:48

Glad to hear the police are taking this seriously, and too right they should.

The head sounds like has no warmth or feeling in her at all. Telling him to untie himself? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!! shock angry Then a short while later sending him back into the same room unsupervised, after being sat in the head's office like he was misbehaving. Why were the bullies not in the head's office being given a right rollocking?!??!

I agree that keeping him home is your only option for now. I would write to the LEA (or email so you have record of what you wrote) and the school saying you have been advised by the police to keep your son out of school while they investigate. That should scare them and keep them off your back. Gits!

Doyouthinktheysaurus Sat 09-Jun-12 14:33:40

Your poor son, this really is one of the most moving things I have read on MN.

I'm really shocked at the head teachers reaction or lack of it! Ffs, I work with acutely mentally ill adults and nothing chills me more than the times I have had to remove ligatures form around people's necks. It's very disturbing and upsetting, I can't even begin to imagine how I'd feel if I came across a child in that situation.

Please keep him off school op. Now the police are involved and aware you should have a much stronger case to tell the truancy people where to go if you get hassle......

I'm unable to offer more practical advice, I'm clueless really as to how this could happen but it's touched me deeply because I have a son a similar age and because of the job I do.

All the best for you and your son op.

pinkorkid Sat 09-Jun-12 07:37:17
pinkorkid Sat 09-Jun-12 07:35:57

If you tell your GP about the suicide attempt, he will refer to CAMHS as an emergency appointment. As well as hopefully helping your son to deal with the trauma he has been through, they will write teh supporting letter you need inorder to access educational support for your ds when out of school. Normally htis kicks in at the earliest when a child has been out of school for 3 weeks if an unexpected illness but given the circumstances they should set it up more quickly.

Some information below from the directgov website on accessing home tuition:

"If your child can’t attend school: the role of your local authority

If your child is too sick to go to school, your local authority will look to provide them with as normal an education as an illness allows.
This may mean, for example, arranging access to home teaching, a hospital school or hospital teaching service or an integrated hospital/home education service.
Local authorities should have a senior officer in charge of overseeing the arrangements. They should also have a written policy setting out how they will go about meeting their responsibilities.
The local authority is responsible for ensuring that pupils:
are not at home without access to education for more than 15 working days
have access to education from the start, if it’s clear that they will be away from school for long and recurring periods
receive an education of similar quality to that available in school
get their minimum entitlement of five hours teaching per week if they’re educated at home because of illness, as long as their health permits it
Standards for the education of children with medical needs
There are national minimum standards of education for children who cannot attend school because they are ill or injured, outlined in guidance called 'Access to education for children and young people with medical needs'."

link here to the key document:

https://www.education.gov.uk/publications/standard/publicationDetail/Page1/DFES%200732/2001

Partnership with parents www.parentpartnership.org.uk/ should also support you in dealings with the school and LA - for example they will attend meetings with you and take the minutes on your behalf. They will go to you first to check for accuracy before circulating.

Keep strong - you are doing the right thing contacting the police and keeping ds at home, pending finding more suitable setting for his needs.

When you are ready to start the application process for a statement, which will I think be key to getting him the proper support he needs in a school setting, there will be lots of advice available here and on sn children part of the board. Very many of us, whose dcs now have statements, were initially fobbed off by the school or LA as you have been. I'm so sorry that school's unwillingness to listen to your concerns have led to this happening to your son.

cocolepew Sat 09-Jun-12 05:46:39

Im so glad you have informed the police.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that the head saw him with the rope around his neck and didn't seem to have any reaction.

mariamariam Sat 09-Jun-12 01:42:33

Home edding is great, can combine with keeping him on the books till LEA acknowledge his needs. Magistrates are much more sensible than schools/LEAs.

mariamariam Sat 09-Jun-12 01:39:28

Truancy officer... Bring it on. Don't send him there ever again but do not deregister him till alternative provision (tutor or other) is in place

Magistrate: why are you here?
When will: [produces police report] school didn't intervene when a child there tried to murder him, so the officer investigating said I have to keep him home
Magistrate: shock

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 20:50:30

If CAMHS advise that he's too unwell to be at school then the LA will ahve to provide home tuition for him. That's a better route than HEing - but agree if HE is the only option they go for it.

ThreadWatcher Fri 08-Jun-12 19:46:41

Seriously OP investigate home education, even if just temporarily.

My son wanted to bomb his school, murder all the staff and frequently talked about killing himself too. It didnt get to the point that he took any action about his threats, because I deregistered him from school before it got that bad.
A child who is deregistered from school is not truanting so you cant get into trouble for that.
Home education isnt as scary as many people think - especially as in the first few months all most families do is chill out and rediscover their children.
I wonder what action the school will take against the bullies.
sad

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 19:26:50

Good - now you have it recorded on Police records so when the truancy officer comes calling you can ask her whether it would be negligent to send a child to a school that failed so miserably in its duty of care.

IF GP won't sign him off you need to contact CAMHS urgently and ask them to do so.

The LA should have received a Serious incident report from the school. I would ring the LA and ask if they've received it. If not - why not. If so - what do they plan to do about the fact that a suicide attempt was made at the school?

Don't bank on the Police inevstigating this fully. The usual outcome is that school will play it down / blame the child etc.

Shocking. I am so angry with her. That's the best thing I've seen about this.

Stay angry.

lionheart Fri 08-Jun-12 19:12:31

Thank goodness someone is doing their job, OP. I was wondering how your weekend went. Coming back to negotiate all of this must be very stressful for you both.

School needs a rocket up its metaphorical bckside.

MissYamabuki Fri 08-Jun-12 19:04:34

Well done OP. Depending on response from LEA I would consider getting my MP involved.

Panadbois Fri 08-Jun-12 18:59:21

Good. Someone's taking you seriously at last. (Am crying reading this)

Well done OP, though I would not be sending my son back at all to somewhere where he has had such a huge breach of his safety.

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Fri 08-Jun-12 18:44:31

Right, I rang the police school liason officer. They have taken it very seriously, they sent a copper to get a statement and are appalled that the school did not inform them of the incident.

In the statement my son made it transpired that when the headteacher came to see what the fuss was about she told my son to take the rope off his neck, he said he couldn't because there were two knots, which he can't undo. She untied the rope herself and made him sit in her office, but when someone came to a meeting there she made him go out and sit on his own in the hall where the incident had happened. Although she left the door ajar, he had no direct supervision.

Shocking. I am so angry with her.

I know my son has told me he wants to kill the bullies, bomb the school etc in the past, he has had panic attacks at school and repeatedly banged his head on the wall due to the kids picking on him.

I have complained, we even went with him to the GP to get him signed off sick but they refused, saying they couldn't do it, not policy to give sick notes to a child.

So, because the LEA told us if we didn't send him in we would be open to prosecution for truancy, we had to send him back (this was Nov '11, I found the letter written to the GP on computer).

I am glad the police are involved now, the copper said they often have run in's with the incompetent LEA and social workers, so are used to dealing with them. The officer that came said my son's statement was heartbreaking and he deals with this sort of thing a lot. They are putting the case forward to the child safety team at police station and they will contact me in the next couple of days and arrange a liason meeting with the school.
He told me not to send my son back until somethng is sorted.

Panadbois Fri 08-Jun-12 18:42:59

Poor boy. Please take him out of school. Don't take him on Monday. Have you got SNAP where you are? They can help people and families with special needs.

Take care of yourself too (tempted to call you honey, but I won't).

WetAugust Fri 08-Jun-12 18:19:44

Whenwill..

Crying's OK for temporary relief but gettiing really angry at what is happening to your DS is far far more effective for getting him the support he needs.

You need to get angry. How dare school permit your child to be abused in this way? That's what you shoudl be asking yourself. And get angry.

Doing nothing is not going to improve the situation. Doing what I suggested a week ago will. So I'll repeat that advice, as it's still valid.

Get him out of that school immediately.

Stayining there is damaging him. You have a hope of reversing that damage if you take him out now.

You'll need to see GP to get him signed off as unfit to attend school.

Ask CAMHS for an urgent appointmnet.

Ask for a copy of the Serious Incident Report that his school should have sent to the Local Authority.

Make an urgent appointment with the Head of SN within the LA's Education Service and discuss altentive placements.

Most counties have autistic bases attached to mainstream secondary schools - these are small sheletered units that cater for ASD children. You'd probably need a Statement to get him admitted.

If he has a Statement then ask the Head of SEN why he is breaking the law by failing to provide it.

You need to get very very angry indeed. I would involve the Police.

alison222 Fri 08-Jun-12 12:41:53

I also wanted to add my nagging. Please consider the police, the GP etc. The other children really need to be dealt with too hence the police - also contacting the police will enable you to get more help too.

I would definitely keep your DS off school until this can be resolved.

Is your ds off on Monday or is that just our area?

mariamariam Fri 08-Jun-12 11:29:20

I'm nagging again: GP, social service, police. The school may well turn on you and say it's all due to stress or abuse at home. I can't see any other route they have to cover their backs (and they have good reason to need to seriously fear for their jobs, as the above poster said, most areas would consider big action eg 'serious case review' for this)

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