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My son tried to hang himself in school yesterday.

(93 Posts)
WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 16:28:58

My son has ASD. He has never got on in school but is academically at least 2 years ahead. Unfortunately he suffers from depression. He is 10 years old.
Yesterday, after receiving yet more verbal bullying from the other boys he tried to hang himself using a skipping rope attached to the climbing frame in the hall.
He is scared of heights and can't tie knots well, so I questioned this, turns out another boy tied the rope for him and stood there watching whilst my son tried to strangle himself to death. Only at the last moment did another boy run for help.

My son is upposed to get 1:1 21 hours per week in mainstream.

I am still in total shock, I know my son has had self harm issues in the past and recently his psychiatrist left, leaving him with no support (he used to have regular appointments).

I don't know what to think regarding the lack of supervision and the fact another child helped my son to, effectively, commit suicide.

I am in a totally torn state of mind today.

As ever, the school are a bunch of feckless arseholes, trying to placate me once again with 'ooh we need to speak to the Ed Psych again' crap they keep coming out with.

Sorry to rant, I am sure you can understand my anger and frustration over the whole affair.

The school are now saying they don't think my son will fit in well at Secondary School. 'No? Well who'd have thought!!!! If he can't cope with 100 kids, whats he going to be like when there are over a thousand!?

Sheesh

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:31:48

I think a solicitor would say this is a personal injury case, if your son has been taunted to the point of attempted suicide.

ohmeohmy Thu 31-May-12 18:32:23

So sorry to hear about this. Is the schoolmpunishing the bullies? I really hope you find what your son needs. SN school will help a lot if you can find one.

cocolepew Thu 31-May-12 18:33:11

Sorry meant to add I work in a special school and they jump at the mearest mention of a solicitor.

CAHMS was shit for my DD, luckily I found a wonderful CBT therapist that my mum paid for.

Glad to hear others agree - what these bos (?) did was absolutely horrific - what sort of children are they? And as for the school...words fail me
Definitel look into special schools out of county - independents as well.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:36:14

One thing that can be helpful with children suffering like this is to say that you have had enough of watching them having such difficulties, and as their parent, you are now moving in to sort the mess out big time, and they are not to worry any more, as you have the matter in hand. That can bring a great sense of relief, and buy some time.

WetAugust Thu 31-May-12 18:37:23

Get him out of that school immediately.

Stayining there is damaging him. You have a hope of reversing that damage if you take him out now.

You'll need to see GP to get him signed off as unfit to attend school.

Ask CAMHS for an urgent appointmnet.

Ask for a copy of the Serious Incident Report that his school should have sent to the Local Authority.

Make an urgent appointment with the Head of SN within the LA's Education Service and discuss altentive placements.

Most counties have autistic bases attached to mainstream secondary schools - these are small sheletered units that cater for ASD children. You'd probably need a Statement to get him admitted.

If he has a Statement then ask the Head of SEN why he is breaking the law by failing to provide it.

You need to get very very angry indeed. I would involve the Police.

School will shrug it off or try to downplay it. This is serious and there is no way that you should send him back to that unsuitable placement.

My DS was bullied to the extent that he needed admission to a psychiatric unit in his teens. That's how damaging bullying is. 10 years on I am still dealing with the aftermath and he still needs psyhiatric help.

Don't let your son end up like that.

robotcornysilk Thu 31-May-12 18:39:18

so sorry to hear about this sad- your poor ds and what a terrible shock for you. School have failed massively in their duty of care. young minds will be able to advise you also about getting help for ds also.

BoffinMum Thu 31-May-12 18:39:58

Wetaugust gives sound advice.

Lougle Thu 31-May-12 18:40:15

What is the age of criminal responsibility, 10? Police, I think. LA too. Thus should be recorded as a near miss.

sorry wetaugust sad

cocolepew Thu 31-May-12 18:55:23

I can't believe that boys actually tied the rope for him, what is wrong with people? Please phone the police for advice at least.

akaemmafrost Thu 31-May-12 19:01:30

sad we were getting to this point. Ds has ASD, hypermobility, sensory processing disorder and dyspraxia. He was going to pieces before our very eyes within weeks of starting in a unit for kids with HFA. I pulled him out, there was no other choice. I am currently de-schooling him ie doing jack all at home such is his fear of any kind of education sad. He has blossomed. Happy, believes me now when I tell him how great he is.

So so sorry about your son. Poor little boy. I am crying at the thought of it sad.

akaemmafrost Thu 31-May-12 19:04:04

Also if you need some breathing space, get him signed off sick with your GP. I did this month after month for 6 months when his mainstream school were threatening to get educational welfare involved.

ouryve Thu 31-May-12 19:11:40

Just followed over form the link on the SN board and there's not much I can add, but I'll definitely break the MN no hugs convention sad

No way should he go back to that school unless they can guarantee that there is no risk of him ending up alone with these boys again. Inform the school and the EWO of this. And yes to asking for copies of all paperwork related to the incident and playing merry hell if anything is amiss.

Definitely contact the police. This is far more sinister than boys being pushy and manipulative sad

And a psychiatric assessment is a matter of priority. Get him to the nearest paediatric A&E tonight or tomorrow.

Doyouthinktheysaurus Thu 31-May-12 19:15:54

Oh, your poor sonsad Hownaeful for him to get to that stage and for other children to be essentially encouraging himangry

I see you've got some really good advice, MN can be so good sometimes. I can't give any good advice really, I do work in mental health but with adults. The quickest way to get MH input would be A&E, there is always psychiatric liaison service available. I think the seriousness warrants it.

Speaking as a parent, I couldn't send my child back to a school like that. I just don't think I could. Imknow it's easier said than done

I feel for you op, I really do. To have your son saying he expects to kill himself one day......that would rip me in two, it really wouldsad

ThreadWatcher Thu 31-May-12 19:17:27

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish sad

My son is now 10 (year 5) with a dx of aspergers and home educated since July 09.
I took him out of school almost three years ago because he talked about
murdering the staff, burning the school down or killing himself everyday.
The school senco's response was frankly appalling, "cant you just encourage him to........" despite my having mentioned his sucidal comments seconds earlier.
He is a different boy now in so many ways. Everyone I knew at the time told me Home Education was a ridiculous idea - I knew it was a great choice, it has actually turned out to be a fantastic choice for him and his sister.

Home education isnt for every family/child but if I were you I would seriously consider it - at least until you have found an alternative (much much better) school. home ed corner of MN

WetAugust speaks very wise words sad

Big unmumsnet hug from me and my ds to you and yours sad

<retreats to weep for the crap experiences so many ASD kids have in school>

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 19:34:24

Go to the police. This is not bullying, this is attempted murder, aggravated by disability discrimination. There is no assisted suicide in England, helping someone die is just the same as killing them.

I know the other kid was young too, but criminal responsibility starts from 10th birthday for serious matters if the child knew what they were doing. And a child this disturbed to try and kill your child, whilst making it look like suicide needs some very, very serious intervention very rapidly. and your poor, poor boy was left alone at this dangerous kid's mercy sad angry

I am not often shocked, but am genuininely horrified the school didn't call police, ambulance, social services etc straight away. Imagine if this happened in secondary school, even in year 7, the school's police liason officer would already have involved the main police teams.

ohmeohmy Thu 31-May-12 19:35:42
ArthurPewty Thu 31-May-12 19:45:06

wot WA said.

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 19:46:05

Police teams like this exist, your area will have similar.

Example of a camhs emergency service

Self-harm: local policy suggesting what doctors must do

Of all the services, the police tend to be most sensible, closely followed by A&E

mariasalome Thu 31-May-12 20:02:46

Oh yeah, and tomorrow is Friday before bank holiday weekend, so calling the cops tonight is actually necessary so they can interview the culprits and witness kids ASAP (they need to book an interview suite, maybe videos, specialist officers, appropriate adults, etc)

Do not rely on the school. They think a bit of advice from the ed psych and/or suggesting you try for a special school is the appropriate intervention for attempted murder???? Some people are just not that bothered about having one less disabled dc in the world.

Assisted suicide / attempted murder distinction between two crimes.

seaofyou Thu 31-May-12 20:39:22

You need to get police involved to go to the school to give talk as the boy who is NT and understands what the consequences could have been in trouble for assisting suicide. Get ds to GP ASAP (emergency appointment tomorrow) or go to A&E tonight as he may try and succeed next time and usually failed attempt is often tried again soon after. HT will need to be informed and NSPCC and NAS should be contacted for extra support at school.

seaofyou Thu 31-May-12 20:43:57

Just saw Wet's sorry for cross post as GP will not allow ds back to school

WhenWillTheBuildersFinish Thu 31-May-12 21:19:28

We are in South Wales.
I was informed previously that it was highly unlikely my son would be statemented so there was no point going through the process. So he wouldn't be able to get any help. Today I questioned this again and was told if I wanted to try, now was a good time, so we may go down that route.
If he can get a statement it means more doors will be opened. They are talking of social workers now, when before they have not said anything.

We are going away tomorrow so I have to start getting ready now. Will be thinking about all this whilst away.
So thanks for the support, will keep you posted when back

ThreadWatcher Thu 31-May-12 21:50:52

Whenwill - Ive pm'd you...

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