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G&C open early for breakfast 4th Jan 2014

(326 Posts)
SallyBear Sat 04-Jan-14 08:36:02

Morning all! HNY to you all.

I'm lying in bed wondering how long I can stay here before I have to get up...... wink

Not a lot to report other than DD had a raft of appointments at GOSH on Thursday. We are booking for bilateral ear reconstruction surgery in August/September. Approximately 7 hours for stage 1 of the repair. confused Her decision to do this. We then saw the SLT who have finally agreed that the palate lengthening surgeries haven't been a success as the palate doesn't move well and her sound production is unique to her as she hits the pharynx with the base of her tongue to make plosive sounds that are now glottal sounds. Very sad about that.

Anyway School next week. Hallelujah!!!

I haven't been in bed for hours, not because the kids are up but because if I had to listen to snoring for another minute I would not be held responsible for my actions <sigh> however on the up side I got 2 hot cups of tea before they all got up, just notsodh still in bed snoring . . .

sorry to hear the salt outcome, that's rubbish. A massive decision for her to make for the reconstruction, she's a bit of a star your dd smile

SallyBear Sat 04-Jan-14 08:49:54

I had a huge row with the cleft surgeon about it all last year. He was adamant that it was a success! How can it be if her speech is worse than it was before?! Wish we'd left well alone tbh. Lesson learned.

Anyway yes DD is a star. After all that horrid jaw surgery she's willing for more rib to be harvested to construct ears, and then skin graft to be taken and used for the second stage. I doubt that I'd be so measured about it all.

Bloody DH is snoring too. I think the lure of the teapot is too much to ignore. smile

hazeyjane Sat 04-Jan-14 08:57:18

Good Morning!
A lie in of sorts here, with ds sleeping until 6! Dh just making me coffee before taking dd1 to The Range.
We have tickets booked for skating at Lacock abbey later, and am panicking a bit, after ds's reaction to the cold the other day. Hopefully there will be an indoor bit with warmth and hot chocolate.
Sorry to hear about SALT and dd, sallybear, it must be very hard to undergo something so major and not see results.

it's one of those things, you don't know until you try sally brew shame the surgeon couldn't admit it though, what is it with some consultants hmm

SallyBear Sat 04-Jan-14 09:03:31

In his defence he didn't perform the op. His predecessor did. He kept saying that it had been a success because it looked good. I had to push for follow up investigations. confused

Hope that DS is ok today Hazey. Lots of layers to help keep him snuggle and then help to strip him off when he gets too hot.

hope skating is fun hazey, what about handwarmers would they help? I've seen them quite cheap recently.

PolterTurkey Sat 04-Jan-14 09:18:11

Such a shame Sally that the results aren't what you and she hoped for, but worth trying, she's an amazing girl.

hazey glad you've had some sleep, hope you all have fun skating and ds stays warm and toasty.

autumnsmum Sat 04-Jan-14 09:53:35

Sally and dd well done Hazey hope the skating goes well .not great here as I have posted elsewhere dd2 has tonsillitis yet again and is being impossible about her antibiotics .no sleep last night

youarewinning Sat 04-Jan-14 10:00:43

sally your Dd really is a star and one very determined young lady - you must be so proud.

Yay to hazeyboy lay in. Hope he managed the cold today. Does he go really mottled in it? DS looks like a honeycomb when he gets cold! Would your DS wear tights or leggings under his clothes? Sheepskin cover on the buggy is a great way to keep them warm - so I'm told! I've seen children use it for comfort and to prevent sores.

Well DS has not improved his mood overnight. Grrrrrrr! So first thing wants to play skalextric again. I do say let me have a coffee (and open my eyes) first. Then I start playing - and he starts the same behaviours again. He does this a lot - always watching for a reaction and I wonder if it's because he knows the reaction so its almost a control/ comfort thing? Now I just need a way to try and break the habit.

youarewinning Sat 04-Jan-14 10:01:32

Oh autumn so sorry to hear that. Hope DD2 is better soon.

zzzzz Sat 04-Jan-14 12:30:55
Thepoodoctor Sat 04-Jan-14 13:24:10

Sally sorry to hear about the disappointing result for DD. what a brave girl to opt for more surgery though.

Hazey hope DS is okay and the GP appt is useful. Would it be like the opposite of a febrile convulsion - ie the system crashing due to getting too cold not too hot? I have no idea if that's possible?

Autumn I hope you manage to get some ABs into Dd and she feels better soon.

I have had awful night so still at breakfast and strong brew stage. DS woke at 1am with wet pyjama trousers. So far so simple, but then went into meltdown because none of the other pyjama trousers could possibly be contemplated. Worst bit was when I went Ross Greene on him and he realised I was looking to him to help with a solution. The look of panic on his face translating as 'I don't really want to be in this situation, I can't solve it by shouting and screaming, and I don't know how else to get out of it' hmm We eventually did and got him back to bed. Only for DD who is poorly to wake at 4am and not go back to sleep until gone 6.

Bless DH for then taking a shift and sending me back to bed, but brewbrewbrewbrewbrew!

zzzzz Sat 04-Jan-14 16:01:36

Hi all,

sally I'm sorry it didn't help. How annoying that they can't be logical about the "success". It just makes the whole thing harder to think about when people do stuff like that. angry

I have started photographing dd's back with a ruler on as judging if its grown or not is hard and I don't want to draw on her in case it discolours. I am very worried. sad

Skating sounds fun hazey I wish I was coming!

I still have a hideous cold and dd is up every night so I am getting that spaced out feeling.

PolterGoose Sat 04-Jan-14 16:14:07

It just never ends for you zzzzz HONKs for dd and you flowers brew cake

ouryve Sat 04-Jan-14 16:42:00

Sorry to hear that, Sally sad

Was woken up by a DS1 meltdown, this morning. He eventually calmed himself by systematically piling up everything he could get his hands on, in the middle of the floor, and ripping up paper for extra satisfaction. He's complaining he's tired, this afternoon not surprised) and is being generally annoying, leaning on people, sitting on people, bounce, bounce, bounce....

Off to hide in the kitchen and make tea. Slowly.

SallyBear Sat 04-Jan-14 16:53:42

Thanks everyone. It's just sadly a thing about surgical interventions. That not every surgery is going to achieve everything that they/you hope for. Anyway onwards and upwards.

zzzzz the lump is it hot or just regular temperature? Are they expediting a referral for a biopsy/scan? You are wise to keep a visual record.

DS4 went to the cinema with his carer this afternoon and saw Frozen. He enjoyed it a lot. He was also very drawn to the Lego Movie trailer.......confused It will be on his list of movies to see.

youarewinning Sat 04-Jan-14 17:20:22

Lol sally we saw frozen and the legs movie caught DS eyes whilst there! He is on a promise to go next weekend - earning it by following his visuals in the morning and being ready. This will be one of those rewards that is heavily prompted after 2 weeks off wink

SummerRain Sat 04-Jan-14 18:53:16

Just popping my head in the door to save this thread... My phone is banjaxed and won't hold a WiFi signal so I can't post much these days... Roll on payday so I can replace it, it keeps turning itself off and the cover won't stay on so it's a justifiable expense wink

Not much to report here, I'm barely seeing the kids the last few days so I couldn't tell you what the mood has been like here, dp hasn't run out the door screaming when I come hone yet though so I'm assuming the ds' have been reasonable grin

autumnsmum Sat 04-Jan-14 18:55:54

Sally my ds is already excited about that film it comes out a couple of weeks after his birthday .last year I had the joy of planes

hazeyjane Sat 04-Jan-14 19:06:03

The Lego movie looks AWESOME (channeling my inner 10 year there), I can't wait to see it!

zzzzz, fingers crossed with the lump, thinking of you.

Skating was surprisingly good! I am the worst skater in the world, so basically just there to be mocked and laughed at. Dd1 was really good, dd2 was gutted that she was not an instant ice queen and ds.....well he was a real surprise. We fully togged him up in layers, with ski trousers on top, hat, fleece, thick gloves, and fleecy liners in his wellies - one of the members of staff took him on the ice in his sn buggy, which he loved, then I sat behind him on an ice banana (don't ask), which got a lot of smiles - and then, amazingly, he stood on some special skates on the ice, and between dh and a friend he was wooshed around the rink and he loved it!

Hot chocolate and flapjacks and giddy children afterwards - a good daysmile

signandsingcarols Sat 04-Jan-14 19:28:05

HI all, sorry to hear surgery counter productive sally, and things still difficult zzz, you are really going through it sad

we have been at nannys in london for a few days and dh and ds have been exlporing l;ondonon the train, well actually just exploring the train hmm as they don't go anywhere, just travel around getting on and off trains, have been to paddington and waterloo and went on the iunderground while watching the dr yeti episode ( based on the undergrounD) on the ipad. grin dh has been amazing, bless him, (we had one of 'those' conversations between christmas and new year you know the ones where you are finally actually honest about how things are going and how you feel, ) really useful for both of us to talk about how we felt aboiut his disability and our responses to it.

ds is going to the pantomime tomorrow, dgrandma has booked a box for me her ds my dsis, so ds can diddle about, bounce flap or huddle under coats, (dont know how he will be) hoping he manages... (eek!)

signandsingcarols Sat 04-Jan-14 19:29:59

lots of typos, sorry! exploring london BY train, and watching the dr WHO yeti episodes, blush

zzzzz Sat 04-Jan-14 19:56:57

sign ! Lovely to see you here. Glad difficult things have been voiced and trains have been ridden, sign pampered by anyone?

hazey skated!!!! Holy Moly! (Go on tell us about Ze banana)

sally not hot, not "attached" and not red (though a little bruised/blue I think though Dr couldn't see it) I'm going to take her back on Monday, because she isn't sleeping. Feels weird photographing but I think sensible.
We have been referred for urgent ultrasound (which means within two weeks), but may stamp our feet soon.

Flu is receding slowly. I am less revolting than I was. grin

PolterGoose Sat 04-Jan-14 20:00:33

sign and hazey grin

Glad zzzzz is less revolting, hope dd can be sorted ASAP

youarewinning Sat 04-Jan-14 20:12:34

Wow hazey that sounds like a great day. The staff sound lovely too - makes such a difference doesn't it. And yes, we need to know about the banana!

Hi sign glad Christmas and new year good.

autumnsmum Sat 04-Jan-14 20:26:30

Sounds a great day and yes what is a I've banana

Hope you get the ultrasound appt quickly, zzzzz. Photo lump with a coin or ruler next to it to judge relative sizes on different photos.

Been to that thread! Gosh, I just don't recognise the SN board from some of the descriptions! Can't help wondering how 'firm' someone's opinion must have been for lots of us to 'bully' them? hmm

homework Sat 04-Jan-14 23:25:03

Zzzz was also going to suggest taken photo with small ruler or something so that the doctors can see the accurate size of the lump , can't then just say it's the way you taken the photograph .
Ring and say you know that you down for an emergency appointment but if they have a last minute cancellation. That you be willen to take that, sorry that presuming that you can , saves them a wasted appointment , sometimes people cancel on day or day before . Don't know if your able to do this or not . Sorry your having such a difficult time .

zzzzz Sat 04-Jan-14 23:30:35

Have been doing the ruler thing. (Great mind think alike grin )

I think "my" GP will be back on Monday and the hospital will be running more normally. I can't do last minute but I suspect our own Dr will push or us, she is fantastic.

Thepoodoctor Sun 05-Jan-14 09:11:05

Hazey I googled an ice banana - looks great fun! So glad you had a good time. (sorry don't know how to do links)

Zzzz hope they get you an appointment soon. So sorry you are going through the mill with this.

Need to do a bit of Ross Greene style on DS and his iPad - currently obsessing with angry birds Go! and highly grumpy about doing anything else. Having been advised by Camhs to lighten up on it - trouble is without a fixed limit he always reckons its a possibility if you see what I mean!

autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 09:46:28

Another no sleep and fever night with poor dd2 hope the meds start to work soon on the plus side she got up this morning and said medicine make me feel better and promptly threw up!

hazeyjane Sun 05-Jan-14 10:35:54

Poor dd, Autumn, hope she picks up soon, and you get some rest.

Yes - this is the ice banana - half way down the page. The thing that impressed me about the staff, they were all young men, and just took everything in their stride - sn buggy on the ice - no worries, small wobbly boy who can't walk very well - no worries, get the special skates, lets give it a go - I think their confidence must have rubbed off on ds, because he just looked so happy. There were 6 children under 7 with us, and they all had a ball.

The threads about the boards are freaking me out a bit, the bullying and cliqueyness is not something I recognise, there seem to be a couple of people who have issues with the board, is it a historical thing? I just hate the way this place is being misrepresented.

Zzzzz, good plan with the ruler - dd2 had a suspicious lump on her shoulder when she was a year old, we had to draw around it with a thin permanent marker.

hazeyjane Sun 05-Jan-14 10:37:08

I have had to google Dr Ross Greene, as i had been thinking he was some sort of uber mutation of Dr Ross and Dr Greene from ER - I confess i am a little disappointed.


autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 11:08:06

Oh god a mixture of dr Ross and dr Greene swoon!the paed who dealt with dd1s jaundice when she was born was gorgeous shame I looked such a state .hazey am I right to think your gorgeous ds will be starting school in September like dd2

hazeyjane Sun 05-Jan-14 11:31:06

Yes he will, having huge wobbles about it, because as a July boy, with a 2 year (+ in certain areas) delay, a part of me thinks it would be better to go to the lea and ask for him to go into reception a year later. But, if he gets a statement and goes to the unit we have applied for, then he will be going with the children who he is at preschool with now and they are very geared up for children like ds.

Seeing how happy he is now with his 1-1 at preschool, part of me would like to keep him there for another year, but seeing how much progress he has made there, another part of me can see how beneficial it will be for him to move on.


I seem to have a thing for screen drs - I am a bit in love with Dr Ranj, especially since a lady I know online told me that he was her dd's paed, and that he always smelt lovely.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 11:50:50

Is it me or does that post asking for research information seem to dismiss us at not too bright when they said asking us was a long shot. confused Oh well.

I am so glad DS1 is going back to school tomorrow. He's actually looking forward to it. He has slowly deteriorated each day over the last 2 weeks, and is a walking stimming tic'ing bundle of nerves and emotionally overloaded.

SallyBear Sun 05-Jan-14 12:28:00

Hazey I had the same worries about ds4. I wanted him to stay in nursery another year but the LA told me that it would mean that he would legally be able to leave school before he'd finished his education. So I stuck him in MS reception with a 1:1. Six hellish, stressful months later he's moved to his Special school where he will remain until he's 19 (or move if its no longer an appropriate place for him.).

It's always a difficult one, Hazey. If he gets a SS place, or a special unit, then there's no problem going with his peer group. If he gets a place in MS, then I really think it's more beneficial to permanently drop back a year. Yes, it would mean one less year's education at the other end, but TBH, that's a long way off and only a minor issue.

If he does end up in MS and you want him to permanently drop back the year, you'd need the EP or other prof to recommend it and get it written into his statement. I never seriously considered it for DS2 as he's Oct and more spiky than globally delayed, but plenty of his friends did so and have never been teased for being older or had issues with it. Other bullying, yes, but never about being older.

ouryve Sun 05-Jan-14 15:49:23

Whew! I actually got DS1 to sit stillish and remain calmish for long enough to cut his hair. It actually looks a bit smart (and it's a lot softer, since some of it hadn't been cut for 6 months.)

Noticed that we're definitely not the only ones with first thing in the morning in a quiet shop shopping habits. In M&S, this morning. DH had taken the kids elsewhere for most of the time I was in there, but I noticed only 2 other kids in the food hall, both around DS1's age. One girl was rather stimmy and her mum looked rather tired. DH clocked her in the queue behind him, too, as she was getting a bit bouncy at that point. The other was a girl with Downs. Much less stressed, but I've seen her in there with her family, early on in the day, before!

DS2's currently trying to crawl around the back of the sofa. Funny boy.

ouryve Sun 05-Jan-14 15:57:50

We experimented with holding DS2 back from year 1 temporarily (reception was in the same area as nursery, so no problems adapting it to him, there). It really didn't work socially. He's still way behind the year below, academically, but towers over them all and they were a bit scared of him. He also benefits from the relative maturity of the children around him. There's a few boys in his class with comparatively mild difficulties of their own who do struggle with him, but some of the girls are so patient with him and he'll happily use PECS with them when he needs something.

youarewinning Sun 05-Jan-14 16:27:17

Had a lovely moment today. In Aldi and saw a girl from DS school. He sat at front chatting to her, chatting animatedly, in what seemed like a turn taking conversation - although he led it about minecraft as he had his annual with him iyswim? I asked if she's in his class. Turns out she's year 6 and DS said she's lovely to him and 'helps me play with other children and when they are mean to me'.
Children like that deserve a medal IMO - she seemed such a lovely girl too.

Autumn - hope dd does really start to feel better soon.

Ouryve - your brave! Well done DS on sitting still.

Ouryve, that's interesting. I guess older role models at that age could be useful. As it happens most of the DC I know who went back a year were summer born so looked physically appropriate, just like a September child, maybe. There are always at least 2 sides to every decision, Hazey!

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 16:36:22

Realistically speaking, if he's a July baby and is held back a year, he's potentially only 2 months older than some of the other children (the September babies from that year), right? So I can't imagine anyone would even peg that he's "older", wouldn't you think? (if that makes sense)

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 16:37:14

EllenJane you must stop reading my mind. grin

Spooky! grin

Can someone remind me who Ben10 is nowadays? Can PM me if you want. My spreadsheet memory has failed.

PolterGoose Sun 05-Jan-14 17:04:24

Ellen I don't know who anyone is confused

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:05:45

sorry, I'm a recent NC. One day I will learn spreadsheet skills so I can keep track of it all.

autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 17:10:55

Just looked at that weird thread I don't find this board cliquey at all .onviously some of us might gravitate together through doing Aba or having Dcs who are similar ages but that's not cliquey .for example I haven't been here long and I've started a thread about children starting school in September . I'm not trying to start a club it's just something a few of us will be going through at the same time

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:15:54

I've just realised something. I think DS1 may finally be used to going to bed without a drink by his bed at night. He hasn't asked for it since before Christmas, and it was sporadic at that point. We've been trying since last year to break this habit. How funny! Maybe now I can think about letting him try those Desmotabs?? He WANTS to be dry at night, but just can't seem to manage it, even waking up frequently at night, we just can't seem to catch it (although to be fair, when he does wake up he refuses to go anywhere near the toilet).

Alice, are you Ben10 then? <hopeful> If not, who are you! For spreadsheet reasons only, of course.

I'm glad it's not just me that get's confused with namechangers grin ellen I'm shock you've let the spreadsheet slip wink I'm not sure ben10 posts much these days.

back to school for my big 2 tomorrow so at least I'll get a break from the teen angst for a few hours. Looks like we're going to get most of the equipment we need for dd3 from the ss ot for at home which is rather a huge relief smile

ouryve, fab news on the hair cut

I can cope with names on a theme, like yours, Ninja. smile

Autumnsmum, a support thread for starting school is a great idea! When DS2 started secondary we had a support thread. It was really useful and had loads of information which I still link to sometimes. That's what it's all about. Mutual support, not just take, take, take. Even if it's just a honk and hug.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:24:28

Nope, EllenJane I'm someone who lives near you and Galena, and has met you for coffee. grin I was getting far too much flack on some threads the MOMENT I showed up regarding professionally offended and disability stuff, so I had to NC.

it was fab ellen, very useful, I think we even discussed suitable disguises for following them to school. That still makes me smile, as well as the practical stuff of course smile

autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 17:24:47

Thank you Ellen! I know January seems early but a lot of the paperwork as you know has to be completed about now

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:25:01

Also changed due to separation issues and privacy.

Aha! Thank you Alice, spreadsheet duly updated. Will try not to out you and will have to have a meet up again someday. Now I work all school hours it's tricky, though.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:29:22

Yep, I know, my only free time is school hours. LOL But maybe on a day that you have a school day off when even just ONE of mine is in school. (we'd get no chatting done with both of them there)

hazeyjane Sun 05-Jan-14 17:31:52

Ds does look a lot younger than he is, because he is unusually short and has very babyish features, so that would be helpful of we did hold back!

Everyone agrees he won't manage in mainstream even with a full time 1-1, and the ed psych said that she thought delaying a year would be the best idea if he didn't get in the unit/didn't get a statement - but she said she couldn't see either of those things happening. So fingers crossed.

I need to do something about ds's hair, I have been chopping it myself and it is getting undo able, partly because I make such a mess of it and partly because it takes hours to do it surreptitiously!

We tried my lovely hairdresser, but he blankly refused to let her anywhere near him!

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:38:02

I cut DS1's hair now with the trimmer at home. I had to have him playing his DS or with ipad and such while I was doing it as a distraction (and do it just as quickly as possible!!), but each time, he gets slightly less distressed. I think we're at the outer limit with it now. He will tolerate it, and I think that's about the best we're going to get. He is a bundle of nerves and melts down repeatedly throughout the rest of the day over the sensation of the loose hair falling, which I've tried to keep off his skin, but obviously can only do so much about it.

autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 17:39:44

Hazey I'm glad your lea will consider letting children hold back for value year my one isn't keen at all ! Some thing to do with when they start puberty they claim which ses daft with reception age children .i know one family who managed but their dd had had a long period in hospital

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:40:11

Has anyone else noticed that when looking at "times" for DLA stuff, your times sometimes have changed for things, simply because you are getting so fast at getting certain tasks done (for sanity's sake) that from the outside it looks like "oh that's fast, he must be cooperative" when it's really "oh god, race against time, MUST get this done in the next few minutes or all hell will break loose, as I can sense him tensing now to start screaming..." hmm

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:40:59

How can they base it on puberty - there's a wide variation of age for children starting puberty. Some start much younger than others.

autumnsmum Sun 05-Jan-14 17:48:38

Alice it's so silly more la logic

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 17:50:19

I don't think LA and logic belong in the same sentence. hmm

I'm doing dla forms atm and have found the opposite, things take longer now I can't just pick her up and get on with it grin I really must get stuck in to doing them properly once they're all back at school! There does seem to be no logic, her genetic syndrome hasn't been cured in the last 3 years . . .

SallyBear Sun 05-Jan-14 18:23:35

I really should apply for DLA for DD. I'm so used to doing everything that I don't give it any thought. But she needs supervision to make sure she's taken all of her meds, does her deep breathing exercises, uses her therabite tool, puts on her CPAP at night, wears her CPAP all night, practices her speech therapy sounds, too name a few.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 18:32:58

things take longer now I can't just pick her up and get on with it

hahahaa yes, I've noticed that on some things as well. Can't win, can we? grin

Sallybear you should. It's made such a difference for me - able to use it to pay for private swimming lessons for DS1 (REALLY expensive!!) and bought some different educational things, chewie pendants (which are ridiculously expensive for what they are), and it's also used to help pay for maintenance and petrol for the car, as the reason I need the car is due to transport being so difficult due to his disabilities. Otherwise I could easily walk or use the bus, as it's very close.

SallyBear Sun 05-Jan-14 18:39:54

I used to claim when she had a trachy and was tube fed. We've come such a long way since then though. DS4 gets the full thing, but then he needs it. It pays for his Ribena addiction and DVD habit.

AliceinWinterWonderland Sun 05-Jan-14 18:57:36

Does anyone else feel like they are talking louder over their child constantly just to be heard?? DS1 (and DS2 if I'm honest) don't EVER stop talking - seriously, I mean EVER!! It makes my head spin.

you should do sally, you've come along way for sure but don't minimise what you do for your gorgeous girl smile

that's very true Alice, it's never simple grin

PolterGoose Sun 05-Jan-14 19:49:45

Back to school for ds tomorrow, in a way it's a relief because I get the 3 days I'm not at work and he's at school to myself, but I so dread hometime every bloody day. Even ds just said 'are you ready for me being angry?' sad

SallyBear Sun 05-Jan-14 19:52:45

Oh dear Polter. I'm looking forward to the peace but how ds4 will cope with returning to school I don't know. Once he's back in a routine then if will be fine. But until then we have tantrums, violence, poor diet and no sleep to endure. Sympathies.

youarewinning Sun 05-Jan-14 20:41:11

I found doing dla form I was surprised at how much time I spend keeping DS on task, sorting out meds, washing his soiled underwear, planning things and making visual timetables, getting him to eat and drink and settling him back to sleep at night - or watching him as he's sleepwalking! I also realised how much he is a danger when out- especially in unknown places. More so now he's 9 and therefore most children are fully independent by now.
I encourage independence - getting own food and snacks etc but it's all fully supported - and I then have to get him to out things away etc. sometimes I'm torn between being really pleased he's actually remembered to wash his hands after using the loo - really is rare - and frustrate because he's left the taps running fully after.
It is just like running around after a toddler and even though I supervise him to correct these things himself it's never actually become ingrained iyswim?

Well he's been in bed for 40 minutes now and up 5 times hmm

And the poor bugger has molloscum coming up everywhere now.

ouryve Sun 05-Jan-14 21:47:03

My boys are both a little on the tall side and they make them small around here! DS2 towers over a few of the kids in DS1's class. (DS1 towers over most of them!) Anyhow, it's a bit intimidating to have a big lad bouncing all over the place!

I'm glad mine are in bed. DS1 was bouncing all over the place, this evening and DS2 was on the verge of dislocating all my fingers with his hand pulling.

I have the joy of DLA renewal to deal with this term, youare. Will need much wine. And your poor boy. I'm itching, just thinking about it.

Donki Sun 05-Jan-14 22:57:10

The YD cannot sleep as he is anxious about going back to school. At the moment he is sayong he won't go at all....

Of course this means he will be tired, so more anxious about his ability to cope. .. and more likely to refuse to go.

And DH will have to cope with it for the first time because I have to be on the 6.00 am train.


autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 04:17:06

Anyone seen the thread on Aibu about prep school admission? Apparently it's common to have an assessment morning in the words of the op to check if your child is "normal" ugh quite glad I haven't come across this before it's too depressi g

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 08:27:00

I suspect much of that is OPs interpretation of things. Prep schools are selective but not generally before KS1.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 08:33:37

For the first day of termers

brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew
cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake
brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew brew
cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake cake

I hope it went well

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 08:36:03

Last day of girls holidays here, ds back to preschool this afternoon - tbh I don't want any of them to go back. I like having them around too much.

We are having a second breakfast picnic smile

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 08:46:02

hazey love the picture - they look like they're enjoying it!

DS1 back to school - just dropped him off. He was thrilled to be going back - he was quite excited about telling his friends what he got for Christmas. grin He practically danced into the school and gave the TA a huge hug, chattering the whole time. I think he's happy to be back into the school routine.

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 08:48:09

Bagels and Scooby Doo - whats not to like!

Glad he has had a good start back, Alice. I think getting back into the routine is going to be hard, once we are there, it should be ok!

SallyBear Mon 06-Jan-14 09:04:11

We woke up to the smell of dog poo. Poor pup had an accident and that was probably a bigger shock to the system than DS3 going back to school! confused

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 09:33:47

"we woke up to the smell of dog poo..." God I HATE that.


SallyBear Mon 06-Jan-14 09:35:52

Thanks. The smell sort of gets in your nose....and stays there to torture you..... Coffee was yummy thank you. Smelt delish!

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 09:39:42

How have our lives become so glamorous eh? grin

Ds1 brought a book to breakfast and insisted on reading it aloud to himself before he would eat. grin (To be fair it was only Little Red Ridinghood, but still voluntary reading and remarkably fluent)

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 09:40:46

Oh yuk Sally, thankfully we don't get that with PolterCat, just huge dead rats in the kitchen when the river is high hmm

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 09:41:22

Ooh, well done mini-zzzzz grin

autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 09:48:39

Hazey that pictures gorgeous polter one thing about living in London is the worst thing my two cats bring in is the odd sparrow or mouse

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 10:28:35

hazey they are blissful. I wouldn't want to share them with school at all!

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 10:53:43

I'm a bit worried about the photos. I have to confess to not being as savvy about things as I could be, so possibley I am being overcautious.

If you search images on google, with your nickname and mumsnet, all the photos you have posted come up.

<freaked out>

<simultaneously wants to post photos of her children to show off their wonders>

ouryve Mon 06-Jan-14 10:53:45

Well, DS1 was still bouncy, this mornng, and I was really unsteady on my legs - stiff joints and weak muscles. I was not very tolerant of him. I do love the effect that PMS has on me.

DS2 was pleased with his new jumpers with no logo on and, once he'd inspected it, put one on the right way around. I got them from Sainsburys, so if they wash OK, I'll have to try and get him another couple.

I was glad to drop mine off, anyhow grin Had a nice, hot bath when I got back. I have a couple of bananas that I need to turn into muffins for packed lunches, now. I also need to sort out the boys' room. As if it wasn't enough of a pigsty, DS2 tipped all the books on the floor, this morning.

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 10:59:20

I don't think I am too worried about them coming up, and have an on/off public profile anyway.

Oddly when I google Mumsnet and hazeyjane on images, it comes up with lots of children that aren't mine!

<worries that I have some children hanging around that I have forgotten>

zzzzz you could always put photos on your mn profile as they are removable from there whenever you choose, it's not hard to do smile

It's a shame you can't post photos on aibu because this would be great grin

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 11:08:28

When I post photos on my profile it just replaces the photo before IYSWIM.

I will try again another day.

hazey I'm pretty sure polts little gossle was added to your virtual flock. grin

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 11:13:30

God AIBU is vile lately. Seriously vile.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 11:15:45


AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 11:21:41

Someone posted a few pages back that they'd be more understanding if they knew the child had SNs. And so I said well, why can't you just assume they might and simply be more understanding in general? Why should the parent have to tell you the child has SNs?? And someone goes on with this....

If there are no indications of SEN and the parents say nothing why it it so odd to assume the DC is NT?

and this...

Why do we need to think about whether the child MAY have SN when whether they do or they don't, the solution to the problem is exactly the same?

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 11:36:40

Sorry, I just get so tired of people expecting that if DS1 is disruptive in public that I have to grovel and act apologetic to them and explain he has disabilities, etc etc. I feel like I'm expected to beg forgiveness and rattle off his medical history to justify it IYSWIM.

I do not understand why it is SO HARD for people to just give children the benefit of the doubt that they MIGHT have SNs. And of course, then someone is stepping in saying "the tantrumming child would upset my child with sensory problems." Well, yes. It would upset my DS as well. But I'd like to think that there'd be at least a bit of compassion from them. Apparently not.

ouryve Mon 06-Jan-14 12:40:00

Bloody hell, regardless of the rights and wrongs of the OP, there's some bloody nasty posts in that thread. And that's the ones hat didn't get deleted.

<updating spreadshit>

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 13:37:15

Had a quick read, some people are just cunts, I am staying away for my own sanity, need all my resources for hometime/after school.

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 13:38:41

yeah, sorry. I shouldn't have even bothered answering it. I think I've just had one too many tuts and nasty comments recently from John Q. Public regarding DS1. hmm One of these days I am seriously going to go off at someone over it.

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 13:46:13

I nearly went on that thread last night, but couldn't face it. AIBU just seems to be an excuse for people to be complete wankers.

somehow have ended up with 2 girls who I hardly know back for a play whilst ds is at preschool, oh well at least it is distracting me from worrying about his first day back!

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 13:55:31

hazey grin but, isn't it bloody amazing that you just wrote 'whilst ds is at preschool'? He's done so well.

autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 14:55:57

Aibu does seem to be going mad I hope everyone is having good first days back . Supposedly my three are all back tomorrow but I will have to see how well dd2 is

AliceinWinterWonderland Mon 06-Jan-14 15:45:25

EllenJane you just made me LOL at that thread re the spreadsheets. grin

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 15:51:55

It is amazing, isn't it!!

He was really happy when I picked him up with his cute new minion rucksack. Communication book worked well, because he was signing like crazy when he came out, and I couldn't tell what any of it meant!

I'm so proud of him.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 16:04:18

hazey what a journey you two have been on. I'm so proud of your little ds. <sniff>

All his MN aunties are proud of him! Xx

I find those sort of AIBU threads very enlightening. Most people are fine and it highlights the complete wankers. Some were obviously being inflammatory just to stir up a reaction. Others I have noticed always have an opinion further right than Ghengis Khan! grin

autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 18:08:39

Hazey that's so so brilliant dd2 is shock horror having her hair washed!!' Dd1 is doing it she may have lumbered herself with a weekly job

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 18:13:46

Snap!! Autumn - after a bath/hairwash free couple of months, ds has just got out of the bath with dd2, he wouldn't sit down, but he let dd2 wash his hair with a teapot!

He smells all mango-y!

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 18:27:00

Wow at the baths and hair washing grin

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 18:30:30

The goslings are fragrant tonightsmile

I like MN aunties ('bullies' - pah!)

autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 18:30:37

Thanks polter Hazey that's brilliant it must be something in the air

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 18:31:37

How did ds's return to school go, Polter?

autumnsmum Mon 06-Jan-14 18:31:57

Do you know I've never seen bullying here I've had more support on here than I ever have in rl

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 18:41:59

Dp did school run in morning and turns out ds had a non-specific tummy ache before school, anxiety i assume sad I picked him up and he was ok until we got to the car and I got a barrage of lovely swearing, but no hitting and it didn't last. So, overall, not bad hmm and he's been 'ok' since. Strange what becomes normal.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 20:04:20

I think you should collect archaic/foreign swear words and present him one every so often.

I love swearing blush .

I am rubbish at it though, and I have a very childish voice and a posh accent so it just sounds stupid. Sometimes I produce most marvelous tirades (in hindsight obviously because that's when we are all brilliant) in my head. Then I admire them for days. grin

Normal is very boring polt

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 20:18:38

Normal is indeed boring grin

I love swearing too.

youarewinning Mon 06-Jan-14 20:30:45

I can't swear without DS telling me off for it! He hasn't yet clicked it makes me do it more grin

He seems to have had a good day. I pre emptied (predicted!) that shoes on would be traumatic this morning - as new - so although it took 15 minutes we avoided a major meltdown! In fact - strangely he put them on because I suggested as there was a monsoon torrential rain outside he may prefer to wear his Wellies instead. That idea threw him! So he said he'd wear the shoes and put them on pdq!

Hazey - fantastic your DS and pre school. What an absolute star.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 20:34:30

To rude for your lovely boy but,

Ding Lei Gor See Fut Long=Put A Finger In Your Asshole

I have no idea why, but it makes me the very least, just why????
< falls over giggling and resolves not to stay up all night again. I am just too old>

youarewinning Mon 06-Jan-14 20:36:18

Chula mi la polla - it's Spanish!

youarewinning Mon 06-Jan-14 20:37:51

zzzz now I'm sniggering uncontrollably.

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 20:38:46

You have to translate youare or how can we judge the pithiness?

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 20:40:37

That would be mild by ds's standards zzzzz hmm

Can I just point out that ds did not learn the worst swear words from me or dp, they were told to him by naice children at school! However, ds can remember exactly where he learned each word and a fair few milder expletives were from me blush

zzzzz Mon 06-Jan-14 20:52:04

polt at one stage ds1 used to repeat a particularly awful phrase that Dh is partial too when critiquing other drivers on roundabouts. So proud of those clearly annunciated word blush. Still livened up his nursery no end.

I have big news!

I am going to start volunteering at a local Sure Start centre soon - going to finish paperwork with the lovely volunteer coordinator lady on Friday.

She showed me round - they have a sensory room! It's lovely, I could quite happily hide in there!

She said as I'm not 100% sure whether I want to work in Early Years or Primary as a TA (apparently you have an equivalent in nurseries) that she will work with the nursery and kindergarten that share the centre and get me as much different experience as possible across all the ages smile

All this will tie in very well with my Introduction to an Early Years Setting course that I start at college next month.

I have, however made a pretty big decision re: college. I am going to ask for in class support for the first time in my life sad I really, really struggle with taking decent notes, and am kicking myself now, that I didn't take the note taker that I was offered at uni.

I actually feel a bit sad about it - like, I'm 24, I should be able to cope in a classroom environment and manage my own note taking. But I know that my speed is the issue, I can't write quickly and listen so I end up falling behind.

still a bit rubbish having to admit it though sad

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 20:55:17

TBH, it's way down my list of priorities, he doesn't do it at school and I prefer being sworn at than being hit, at least it's using language to express emotions, that's progress as far as I'm concerned!

PolterGoose Mon 06-Jan-14 20:58:53

Lolli that sounds fantastic, I'm sure the placement will be a lot of fun grin I totally understand your feelings about having extra support, but it's just levelling the field, very best wishes flowers

hazeyjane Mon 06-Jan-14 21:26:17

Lolli, that sounds fantastic. Ds has a 1-1 who worksfulltime with him at preschool, she is fantastic and I cannot praise her enough, she has made such an enormous difference to him. To me as well, really, because after spending all that time with ds at preschool, I have tentatively made the decision to try and do and early years NVQ and hopefully work in a preschool. (Ulp did I just say that out loud?!) I wouldn't be able to start until ds starts school, and settles in, so will be ancient by the time I start.

Galena Mon 06-Jan-14 21:35:17

Hapy New Year!

Reporting back in for duty... Drove home from Yorkshire yesterday (3 hours) and all set for DD to go back to school this morning. Thankfully checked the school website last night and discovered today was INSET. blush So we did the grocery shopping and not much else...

Haven't had a chance to catch up with the whole of the past couple of weeks... If there's anything I need to know so I don't put my foot in it, could someone PM me please?! Thanks.

Hope everyone's well...

ouryve Mon 06-Jan-14 21:38:31

Excellent news, Lolli. Definitely ask for the support, or at the very least copies of slides etc - they would make it easier to review afterwards, as would a portable recorder.

DS1 has been a right grump, this evening. Was glad when he went to bed. Again.

SummerRain Mon 06-Jan-14 22:46:31

I was out of the house from 6 til an hour ago so I totally missed their first day back, dp says they were fine though. No homework though so things may get serious tomorrow when he doesn't get go flump on the couch when he gets home.

I dropped a crate on my knee earlier and its all purple and swollen so between that and a 13 hour shift I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself tonight

youarewinning Mon 06-Jan-14 23:47:14

Sorry the translation is - suck my dick. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it in English!

Lollin- that's sounds amazing.

ouryve Tue 07-Jan-14 11:34:41

youare blush I'm content for my 10yo to stick with bloody. It's a much tamer, less adult swear!

If I wasn't likely to fall flat on my arse, I'd be doing a happy dance, right now. Indy school have contacted LA to say he fits their profile and they're willing to offer him a place. Just need to convince the LA, now!

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 11:47:35

ouryve fab grin fingers crossed for LA approval without a fight

ouryve Tue 07-Jan-14 12:23:49

I'm hoping so. I'm running a little bit on empty, at the moment. And I haven't just sent DH a snippy email, oh no

Going to get back to taking out my ricocheting emotions on some dust bunnies.

SallyBear Tue 07-Jan-14 12:25:46

Fab news Ouryve!

Galena Tue 07-Jan-14 12:45:09

Great news, ouryve! Fingers crossed here for a painless resolution!

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 07-Jan-14 13:20:55

good news Ouryve fingers crossed it all works out!!!

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 07-Jan-14 13:38:35

I had to speak to senco this morning regarding DS2 and him struggling with a few things. They're going to set up an IEP and a few measures to help him.

I wanted to mention something that the senco told me though. This new Family thing that the government is putting through - it basically is forcing the schools to deal with SEN first before it will allow outside agencies to help out? And she said the Ed Psych is now much harder to get in as the school is charged for any assessments done by the Ed Psych. She's annoyed, as obviously they are a good school and do everything they can to help their students, but also this means that they're fighting the LA and red tape more now. I can't help but think that this new thing will make it much much more difficult when schools are obstructive (or not helpful).

Jacksterbear Tue 07-Jan-14 14:01:45

Lollipop and hazey, exciting career news. ouryve that's great. smile

Loving the swearing chat.

Just popped in to give an update on our diagnostic journey for anyone that's been following: we now definitely have a (private) ASD (PDA) dx. Didn't want anyone to see me round the boards talking about a dx and going hmm! grin Feeling much calmer about it now and think it's going to be all positive for DS.

DS volatile and didn't settle last night, and upset this morning, but actually went in ok by the time we got to school.

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 07-Jan-14 14:25:19

Jackster glad you've got that sorted now. Hope your DS had a good day after his unsettled night.

ouryve Tue 07-Jan-14 16:09:42

Alice - isn't half the point of Ed Psychs to provide a perspective of what a child's needs are in an educational context? Yet another Bass Ackwards move.

ouryve Tue 07-Jan-14 16:13:42

Glad the "wondering" is all over, now, Jackster. Even though it shouldn't make much different, it does.

And apologies for serial posts. Brain's not working, this afternoon. Went to take some co-codamol before tackling the school walk and realised that I'd just washed down an amitriptyline tablet, instead. Good thing I've planned lazy dinner, tonight (M&S chinese and a big pile of broccoli). I just need to manage not to fall asleep on the worktop grin

AliceinWinterWonderland Tue 07-Jan-14 16:15:18

ouryve I think it will mean that schools will only call in Ed Psych as an absolute last resort, in an effort to save money.

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 18:27:05

Alice it does seen to vary in many areas but often schools seem to have a set number of EP days allocated per year and that's it. Any more should come from their devolved SEN budget (which all schools have, they just don't necessarily spend it on SEN stuff), however, people like SLTs and OT are not funded by education anyway. And, for example, our ASD outreach team is part of social services not education. So Senco sounds a bit misled/misleading.

SummerRain Tue 07-Jan-14 19:05:55

Ouryve... Great news grin good luck with the LA flowers

Oooooh, got a call from the college today. My "assessment" as it were is happening on Friday shock

It's more a chat about what I think may be what the man called "barriers to my learning" and what they can offer, but it's happened a bit quick! I thought it'd be closer to the end of the month before we sorted that out! I guess I'm so used to school/first college/uni dragging their feet that I thought it'd be the same here.

Obviously not.

youarewinning Tue 07-Jan-14 20:42:22

ouryve that is fabulous news.

alice we have similar problem with DS school. Basically they get a set number of hours per academic year - so DS can see the ed psych after March but not before because they've run out of hours. And even then when they get their new hours they have to assess who's a priority. And probably not him!

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 21:02:34

Jackster glad you've finally got confirmation, I was reading your post on another thread just now and our ds's really do have a lot in common smile

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 21:15:42

Hey all. Exhausted and bit down tonight. Ds1s Paediatrician called out f the blue in this evening. Just to check how we are, but I feel all flustered. blush. I am not good at short notice, very thing flies out of my head.

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 21:21:30

What a strange (but nice) thing for a paed to do, does he have the hots for you zzzzz? grin


Might be a woman paed. Might still have the hots for zzzzz!

zzzzz I'm the same, especially in important meetings/interviews. I get all flustered and everything goes out of my head.

Anyone want to help me make a list for Friday's meeting?! grin

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 21:42:15

Will you all stop it. You are not helping. blush

It was NOTHING like that you idiots.

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 21:44:00

Actually you've cheered me up. The concept of anyone having "the hots for me" is a little erm....unlikely! grin

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 21:45:03

Ellen its a man paed, I'm pretty sure confused

Lolli just be absolutely honest with them. They will have access to external funding so make the most of it, think about technology that might help, my dsis got a book scanner so she could scan texts which the provided reading programme could read to her, would something like Dragon be useful? Will you need materials in a different format? Check you can use a recording machine. Would a mentor be useful? FE colleges can be fantastic for disability and SEN support so fingers crossed for you flowers

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 21:46:01

Glad to have raised a smile zzzzz sorry you're exhausted again, how are the dc's?

Hmm, Lollipop. Do you think having a scribe would help, or some sort of technology, like Dragon?

Zzzzz, you may like swearing but you go all coy when a bit of lesbian action is suggested. wink

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 22:01:59

A happily married very kind man.

Dc better than I thought. All back in school bar ds1 who I gave an extra day off to because I was knackered destress . Teeny girl still waiting for scan. I will start the phone calls tomorrow.

Ds got very cross with me because I made him eat eight spoons of mince.....don't ask. He did it, but he says he "puts me in jail and locks me in". shock. Impressive on some level but I don't know how he knows about people being locked up in jail. angry He then had to aggressively cuddle me for ages to get over it. [exhausted]. I feel a little bruised. Does anyone else have achey joints?

I've skipped baths and sent everyone to bed. (Not successful so far)

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 22:03:39

EllenJane you are a bad bad woman. I was raised by nuns. I am both au fait with lesbians and fundamentally repressed. grin

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 22:04:59

Mince shock

Struggling with aching here too, think I'm peri-menopausal, feel crap constantly.

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 22:07:37

It's January, only hearty skiing types feel anything but crap.

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 22:19:42

But I love winter confused

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 22:28:40

I hate winter. Too dark and my joints ache all the time.

ouryve Tue 07-Jan-14 22:29:45

Yep, achy and pre-menstrual and fuzzy headed and definitely peri menopausal. Finding the school walk a real struggle.

And not much enjoying ds1's moods in the evening. He ismsomargumentative he is virtually arguing with himself!

I miss the daylight. It's dark when I leave work.

I reckon we've all become 'women of a certain age!' grin

PolterGoose Tue 07-Jan-14 22:33:53

But I'm too young for this <wails>

zzzzz Tue 07-Jan-14 22:35:51

You can't go from "your feminine wiles are such that no paediatrician man or woman can resist you", to "you are a woman of a certain age" in one slurp at the G&C!

I need a bungalow in the heat for a few years to thaw.

moosemama Tue 07-Jan-14 22:49:57

Creeps in and sits in the pre-menstrual, fussy-headed, peri-menopausal corner. Also feeling generally bleurgh and achy. I must look bad at the moment as well, as my D Mum bought me under-eye concealer and a SAD light for Christmas. hmm grin

Ds1 goes back to school tomorrow and he is an absolute wreck. He has an endless list of worries and fears and is devastated that his English teacher left at Christmas - so convinced he's going to get someone really strict and mean in her place. He had her for English and the top up classes, so she featured quite heavily in his timetable. Biggest worries are around bullying - to the extent that we haven't been able to sort him a laptop to take back with him (school is supposed to be providing this, as per his statement, but it's a long story basically resulting in us agreeing to provide it ourselves) because whatever we choose he's convinced he'll be bullied for not having the right one. sad

Dreading getting up at 6.00 am to get him ready for transport and whilst I'm desperate for a break after nearly 4 weeks of him being home, I actually don't want him to go. sad

Dd is still spotty, but almost dried up now. Keeping her off a couple more days because frankly she looks pretty scary with so many scabby spots on her face and I'm pretty sure her frenemies friends are likely to make her life hell for it. She's so bored now though, she's practically bouncing off the walls. So as you can imagine the combination of her and mega-anxious and stressed ds1 at home together for two days this week has been, er .... fun. hmm

Doesn't help that it's only a week till her birthday and a week and half to her first ever birthday party with school-friends invited. I on the other hand am ridiculously nervous about the whole thing - something about it being a girl party that I can't quite put my finger on ... but think it probably has more to do with the Mums than the girls, iykwim. blush

Anyway, I was just stopping by - can hardly prop my eyes open (although am sure they will ping open the minute I get into bed) so am off to try and get some sleep before one or more of my little darlings decides to play the 'wake Mummy every hour' game, as they have for the past week. hmm

Just wanted to say ouryve - so pleased to hear your positive news. I have my fingers crossed for a positive response from the LA.

Donki Tue 07-Jan-14 22:55:41

Crossing my fingers for you ouryve
It's a lovely school!

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 08:02:55

Best wishes for ds today moose flowers

Jacksterbear Wed 08-Jan-14 08:30:19

moose thanks good luck this morning.

SallyBear Wed 08-Jan-14 08:33:23

Popping my head around the door. Lovely peaceful house here yesterday with the 4 DC at school. Heaven! Went to the GP about my skin and he's concerned about two colourless moles on my face possibly being a bit dodgy. He'd Nigerian and said what he thought they were, but I couldn't google it as I couldn't understand what he said! Wishing i had asked him to write it down now! We've got private healthcare so I may ask to see a dermatologist. confused

Anyway, I need to evict ds4 out of bed. He's been awake in the night..... again. I may get him a SAD light to try and refocus his body clock! I don't think its apnoea as he's not snoring it obstructing. I just think he's being an awkward little bugger.

zzzzz glad that I'm not the only one who gets the bone crushingly bruising hugs. Particularly horrible when ds4 presses his head hard against my ear. Ouch.

autumnsmum Wed 08-Jan-14 08:59:20

Sorry to mention buses but why do parents need to bring kiddie size bikes on buses in the London rush hour ? Just nearly got whacked by one! Sally hope you get a dermatology appt soon

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 10:33:56

Ahh "head pressing", ds likes to grind into my chin. Dreadful. The Nigerian Dr sounds like a seventies TV show.

Hope he went in ok moose

I feel really sick. This not something to feel sorry for me for. It is entirely my own fault as I absent mindedly ate nearly a pound of Gouda and half a jar of chutney while watching a film last night. I should feel ashamed.

<reinvents Goose and Carrot as on-line confessional thus absolving self of all sin>

moosemama Wed 08-Jan-14 13:39:10

Thanks for all the good wishes for ds1.

He was very subdued and extremely quiet this morning - which doesn't bode well. Then the taxi was late and when it finally arrived was a different one to the one he's used to. Fortunately it was the same driver and escort though, so am assuming they had car trouble - hence the delay.

Sally, I am so envy of your quiet house. Dd is talking my ears off here!

I haven't used my SAD light yet - not convinced that the affordable ones make all that much different. Mum had told dh she was buying me one of those alarm clocks that gradually raises it's brightness to mimic dawn and he said he thought that was a good idea, but then she bought the SAD light instead.

I have had a little break though. Puppy class this morning and dm looked after dd - so I had a whole hour of just me and my pup, without one single child speaking to me! shock I really didn't want to go and almost didn't bother, but I'm so glad I did. I feel much better for just doing something other than parent or housework as per the past month or so.

I was slightly p'd off this morning to discover my ever-so-brainy dh has somehow managed to throw out the box containing all the attachments for the steam mop I had for Christmas. I couldn't believe it, he always collapses boxes before putting them outside, but not this time. Apparently he put the box outside the back door and it rained - so just before we went to Ireland, he squashed it vertically and stuffed it in the wheelie - with half the steam mop still inside it. He has been suitably served and I have made him buy me the same mop again to replace the missing bits - otherwise the hand held unit is useless. Daft thing is, I've been waiting to get one for years, because he refused to buy one. My parents finally buy me one for Christmas and now he has to fork for another anyway. Lucky for him they are heavily discounted in the sales and I managed to find one at a third of the original price. Honestly - MEN! I have told him I shall be milking this particular screw-up - I'm thinking it's got to be worth at least a decent box of chocolates! wink grin

moosemama Wed 08-Jan-14 13:42:30

Oops, meant to say. Sally, definitely get onto your dermatologist asap. Both my mum and dh had moles removed last year and mum needed some sort of immune provoking cream as well to see hers off completely. She now has beautiful skin where it was and no hint of a scar.

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 14:13:24

Moose - maybe you should ask for several and send him to M&S. Currently munching my way through a box of chocolate coated marzipan that was about £1.30. When they're gone, I've got their amaretto chocolates, (also £1.30) to work through. Mmmmmmm smile (not grinning with teeth covered in chocolate)

SallyBear Wed 08-Jan-14 14:24:59

Moose - I'm waiting for mum to get back from Cornwall and then I'll get the name of her derma chap and ask for a referral to see him. The skin cancer thing is scary, but hopefully it's not that...... Or as DH says "you're just old and warty". Lovely man!

hazeyjane Wed 08-Jan-14 14:27:24

Sorry, can I just slope on to thread - moan - then slope of again.

What a fucking day - as well as statement rubbish (see Bollocking Statement thread...) ds's paed has been in touch wanting to see him about the 'seizure like' activity over the holidays, and the possibility of him starting seizure meds. And the senco at dd's school has just phoned saying that she would like me to go up to discuss the assessment she did with dd2, which shows that dd2 has 'very strong signs of dyslexia' (which I was expecting, but still felt like a punch in the stomach).

some days are just hard aren't they.

autumnsmum Wed 08-Jan-14 14:35:01

Hazey you poor thing it never ends for you does it

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 14:41:30

hazey wine

Sally hope all is fine flowers

All of KS2 at ds's school have gone to a panto this afternoon, when I asked ds if he wanted to go he asked if it was in school time, it isn't, they get back at near 7pm, so he decided not to go. The plan for him was to spend the afternoon in reception with laptop/drawing stuff... It may be an interesting pick up today hmm

autumnsmum Wed 08-Jan-14 14:48:30

Not sn related but spent Monday morning doing atos form with dp for his income support it was horrid

SallyBear Wed 08-Jan-14 14:52:45

Thanks Polter smile

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 14:53:20

hazey - I think you need some of the £1.30 chocolates!

Polter - I hate days like that. I'd probably have kept mine off, if it was all of KS2.

Time to go and see what sweetness and joy DS1's got to hurl at me, today. yy at painful hugs - he presses on my head so it feels like my poor arthritic neck's about to break. DS2's no better - he just randomly slaps.

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 14:56:33

Oh hazey. Eat chocolate and cuddle anyone you can catch. Dyslexia and language disorders do tend to be a family vibe (read Dorothy Bishop stuff tis thought provoking). HONK HONK

hazeyjane Wed 08-Jan-14 16:00:59

thankyou, just had lovely windy walk with ds and dd1 who were being lovely, so that has blown away the glooms!

Sorry Sally, only just read your post - hope you hear from dermatologist soon.

has anyone here heard anything about snow next week?!

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 16:04:09

Grrr - even mumsnet's not cooperating with me - just realise that this hasn't posted after 15 minutes!


Well, we've been back 5 minutes and, already, I've been yelled at for not walking "a different way home" and for not looking closely enough at the change I got when I bought a bus ticket, earlier. Now I'm being ranted at because DS2 can't complete the first level in a lego game on his tablet. He spent the afternoon with DS2's 1:1 because something didn't happen exactly the way he wanted it to, at lunchtime.

Munching more chocolate marzipan. It's going to be another wonderful evening.

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 16:07:45

ouryve I do often keep him off but as the activity wasn't in school (where there'd be no escape for him) I decided to make a point hmm and do an innocuous 'as ds isn't going, can you just let me know what the plans are' email, it worked, he's come out of school the most relaxed in months. Apparently the whole school left at around 11, KS1 to a local panto and KS2 further away, so there were just a few kids from each year left behind, they could choose what to do, ds and his friend 'person I get on with' did some stuff in the ICT suite and some drawing, some of the kids worked on performances and then performed to the others before home time, he had a lovely playtime 'sword fighting' with pampas stems 'which can't cause injuries' grin

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 16:08:55

Oh no ouryve sending empathetic vibes

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 16:15:05

"Pampas stems which can't cause injuries" grin (though I beg to differ!)

We I'd Bristol aquarium last weekend and my boys have foam swords when they can get dh to share

hazeyjane Wed 08-Jan-14 16:18:09

I'd be careful with all that Pampas talk, after earlier conversation about your beguiling temptress ways, zzzzzsmile

Ouryve thanks and more [choc] (there really should be a chocolate emoticon)

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 16:21:04

I did point out that pampas leaves can be very sharp, ds was adamant there could not possibly have been any risk of harm.

zzzzz dp took ds to Bristol aquarium over the holidays, he really enjoyed it, we usually do Plymouth but he fancied a change and was very impressed with the giant lobster and the millipedes.

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 16:25:27

He's now quietly engrossed in, but I have been told off for not shutting the curtains.

I'm annoyed because pointless is on challenge as a double bill, this week, and he always watches the first one then demands we record the second. Only we can't record because our aerial's blown down and the freeview picture is too pixellated for the recorder to work. At least he stopped ranting and did this, at 8pm, when I put stargazing on, last night.

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 16:29:37

Bristol aquarium was good (the lobster was eNORmous grin )

hazey BEhave yourself. <we have two clumps in the garden shock !!!!!>

I nearly said last night, except you were all laughing at me, I have had that particular problem with a previous paediatrician blush ....awkward.

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 16:31:57

ouryve that's a fabulous picture. I'd get it blown up to poster size and framed. grin. It's the splash of red toes.

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 16:36:01

Love the picture grin

zzzzz grin for you too

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 16:38:28

I need to ask a serious question now:

How significant would a 15yo's learning difficulties be if they were still on P scales?

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 16:49:19

I don't know anything about P scales. Sorry polt. I'm guessing lougle might have an idea??

hazeyjane Wed 08-Jan-14 16:50:42

That is an angry red sock.

Zzzzz, 2 clumps, eh......well, I am saying nothing....

Polter, I am afraid I have no idea.

zzzzz Wed 08-Jan-14 16:52:53

I'd destroy them personally. I think pampas grass is hideous, but the children love the "fluffies" so I am doomed to the bloody ugly slanderous things.

NoHaudinMaWheest Wed 08-Jan-14 16:55:29

Polter I don't know but as P scales are reception level I would have thought quite serious.

I have been lurking but not posted recently. We were visiting my Mum over New Year and I have been feeling pretty awful since we got back.
So Moose zzzzz Hazey sorry things are so tough again.
ouryve good news on the indi hope it works out with the LA.

I was not looking forward to the start of this year. Ds going to the Maudsley; realistically looking for long term care for MiL; I am scheduled to have gynae surgery soon. This afternoon I had a phone call from Ds's SW saying that she is closing his case. In a way this is a relief as there will be no more aspersions cast on my parenting but I do feel that we probably need her input in the next few months. I'm also worrying about what that means for ds's transition to adult services later this year.

Thepoodoctor Wed 08-Jan-14 16:55:42

Evening all.

DS in deep disgrace at school hmm pass the wine

Polter I think P scales are what kids work to before they start on NC Level 1 at about 5 or 6. So that sounds to me like quite significant LDs for a 15 year old.

Does that help at all? Sorry if it's not the answer you were hoping for sad

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 17:22:30

Polter, they would be pretty severe. Ds2 on p scales at 7 and, if you met him, you'd appreciate that he's severely delayed.

Well, I bought wine on sunday and still have it. It will not last the night. Those stripy socks were very angry and the boy in them has just hurled the remote and broken it, again, after crumbling a digestive all over the floor because it wasn't strong enough biscuit

Just had a huge hug off ds2, mind grin he said "huuuuuuuuh" as he threw his arms around me!

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 17:27:38

Re: the P scales, I thought so. Tricky. May have to start a Fred confused

youarewinning Wed 08-Jan-14 18:28:06

polt a 15yo on p scales would be classed as sld but more pmld if they weren't progressing through them. Sld is usually for pupils who are 4 or more years behind their peers.
Pupils in my class are 14-16yo and on p scales and some are level 1. They are sld and pmld. Sometimes we hit a wall on progression because of their understanding (eg learn letters and sounds and can write them but can do it on request but not to write a sentence to communicate) or because their SN means they can't cope (iyswim) with the input needed to teach them something new.

DS has come home saying he had to do a thing today with senco where he had to say it was like him, not like him etc. he can remember one which was 'I make friends' and he put not like him. He can't remember the rest some of questions but said he added his own extra lines to not like him as it's things that are really not like him grin at least he's communicating his thoughts!

Oh and best news. School did a salt referral and had a telephone consultation re DS and out some speech targets on his IEP. Salt at work checked referral had gone through for me and emailed the salt to ring me as I want a full assessment and she has said from info I've given her he needs one. So hopefully that phone all will occur soon and I'll get something on paper re his actual ability and understanding.

Hope those who have had bad days have improved it with chocolates and wine!

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 18:31:40

youare grin at ds, and good luck with SALT - would you be happy for me to PM you for some advice please?

youarewinning Wed 08-Jan-14 18:39:36

Of course polt no problems. I'll be around this evening so will reply. Just about to take DS to cubs then I'll be back!

Oh and about cubs - DS new leader has a DS with ASD. Could be beneficial!

homework Wed 08-Jan-14 18:42:45

Polter P scale at that age is a significant delay , they should already have a lot of support educationally I would have thought , but nothing surprises me any more when comes to helping our children to achieve .
I think myself lucky to certain extend that we have had people though the years who have helped us , even though I do complain at times .
Hope whoever child this is get supported onto a practical btech that they can use within later life .

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 18:47:49

homework he's actually older than 15 now, it's a work thing and I'm reluctant to go into details, but wanted real life responses before I start advocating for him because I suspect I'll be fobbed off.

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 19:53:50

It may be useful for you to download a copy of the p scales to wave under people's noses, polter. If that is how he is functioning then he is barely numerate and literate and his general understanding is very limited.

homework Wed 08-Jan-14 20:14:33

Sorry Polter don't want to be nosy but are you his support worker , or does he work in the same company( job) that your supervising him.

At his year 9 review there suppost to have everyone involved in his care to look though possible future placements post school. The lea can't not attend this one , as plans are made for there future .

We missed this with my son being year retained , then skipping a year to move schools . Did ask the inclusion team and she going to look at it with this years review . But she said as we already moved him to a specialised school , but need to know more about statement post sixteen and he can go on to do a apprenticeship with one companies that support and sponsor the school , that's if he shines and the company directors like what they see. So still very much pie in sky at moment . He also unsure about what he wants to do , a lot depends on grades he get , also btech he's doing .

Does this child have a activity they shine at ,ie , art , drawing type stuff , can do be tech in this . Practical things like woodwork and carpentry , cookery . There are lots of jobs that will employ people who have difficulties , even if there basic skills are poor . If they have good people skills etc , we have young lad whose porter who has excellent people skill , but needs to be told where he's taken things too , etc he can't read the best but patients love him cause he's funny , helpful . Staff like him for same reasons .

So what trying to say is that not all hope lost , harder most definitely , but if want and capable of working and not too fussy like loads of sixteen year olds that think loads stuff beneath them , there are job available .

Sorry get carried away when I'm typing .

PolterGoose Wed 08-Jan-14 21:01:32

Sorry homework I can't answer any of that on here, but thank you for your post smile

ouryve I will do that

I keep wobbling - first I'm super excited about getting everything sorted on Friday, then complete and utter fear washes over me. Not helped by a lady at my Slimming World group saying her son with ASD attended the same college I'll be at, and they did all the chats beforehand etc, then he was "just left to it" once he was in college.

Trying not to think about it as I've got to go to the lovely children's centre beforehand to finish my paperwork with them. Bit nervous about what volunteering will entail, but will cross that bridge when we get there.

Also going to see a friend and her DS tomorrow - when I text to say I'd pop down she said, "Cool, will be good to see you and X will be happy too". I love the fact her DS seems to like me smile

ouryve Wed 08-Jan-14 21:16:37

DS1 sloped off to bed at 8pm. He ate his tea, thankfully (I was concerned he wouldn't after the biscuit incident) but got quite upset telling me that a million things go wrong at school and they all happen to him. He couldn't be specific about any one thing, other than there being too many people.

This is the time of year when he hits rock bottom, at school. If he's this constantly stressed, next week, then I'm going to be in two minds on whether it's even fair to keep sending him. If an adult spent their entire evening, in a state of angry meltdown, 3 days running, then something would have to change, wouldn't it? So why not a child. I think we've spent too much of his 10 years toughing things out.

If it came to it, how on earth would I do it without ending up on the wrong side of the EWO etc? Have him signed off by the GP?

homework Wed 08-Jan-14 21:40:35

Polter that's fine didn't expect answer , really just food for thought for you. Good luck with it anyway.

youarewinning Wed 08-Jan-14 22:22:04

Well DS flew out of cubs saying he's never going again! Because they are doing uniform inspections again (too much pressure), they are having more trips out (too much change) and they have to tuck their t shorts in - (sensory nightmare) grin () bits are my interpretation of reasons given!
Luckily the leader understands so is fine with t shirt etc and I'll stay on trips until he's happy for me to leave.

youarewinning Wed 08-Jan-14 22:23:04

ouryve sorry to hear DS is struggling so much. Yes to GP or withdraw and say your educating him.

moosemama Wed 08-Jan-14 22:59:06

Ouryve, sorry to hear ds is struggling so badly. We had ds1 signed off by the GP with stress a few times in in Y3, he was verging on a breakdown and would definitely have tipped over the edge if we hadn't.

His inclusion teacher used to tell us to take him out of school the week before holidays and when there was likely to be a lot of disruption as well. I still have to keep him off for the odd day even now - a friend of mine calls them 'mental health days' which I think is a perfect description. It definitely helps to rebalance him.

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 00:20:49

We did a few post-meltdown mental health days, a few years ago, but had to stop them when the migraines had the EWO on our back. We were already missing a week a half term.

I think my plan is going to be to tough out this week, then if next week starts as badly (we'll get plenty of warning at the weekend) pull him out. He has a visit to the Indy school next week, which may change his mood. He loves it there, then thinks about how much he's used to where he is.

Given the EWO history, i think I'm going to have to go the GP route, though. I'll have to see if I can catch the HT to see what she thinks of the other option, if it comes to that. Apart from keeping the EWO out of our hair, we've got nothing to gain by forcing him in and dealing with the fall out more than we have to, right now. It might get across the message that really, his current placement is not able to meet his needs, no matter how much they love him.

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 07:29:13

That sounds like a good plan*ouryve*, poor ds sad

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 08:15:56

I agree, that sounds like a sensible plan ouryve. Hope today is a better day for him.

Ds1 came home with stomach ache last night. He says it hurts every time he moves. Then this morning, as soon as I came down he said it was worse. He looks really pale and exhausted and is obviously unhappy, but was willing to go in, as it's photography and ICT today and they're going to watch some of his TinTin dvd in a lesson about animation.

I wrote in his communication book yesterday, to ask if they'd talk to him about his bullying fears and the head of SEN emailed me to tell me he'd had a chat with him. Unfortunately all he did was tell him to report any bullying straight away and ds insists he can't as the boys who do it will hunt him down and beat him up. sad

He didn't bring his communication book home, as his afternoon enrichment lesson ran over and he won't go and collect it from the SEN office if that happens, as one of the boys on his transport gets really nasty with him if he holds them up (ironically it's the boy who is often still in bed when they turn up to collect him in the morning and they've had to wait almost half an hour for in the past hmm).

I've emailed them this morning to explain about his stomach pain and ask them to call me if he's not coping but, going on past experience, don't expect a call - even if he's really not well. <<sigh>>

I hate him being so far away from home when he's like this. I really wanted to keep him off, but kind of know that wasn't the right thing to do, especially with him only starting back yesterday.

Going to fret about him all day now. sad

SallyBear Thu 09-Jan-14 08:24:45

Do you think that maybe you may have to think about HE him Moose?? The stomach pain is most likely stress and anxiety. Poor boy. I feel sad for him. Kids can be right little bastards. hmm

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 08:27:32

Oh moose poor your ds too sad

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 09:56:13

Aww, Moose sad Our boys are in a right pickle, aren't they?

This morning was a little calmer. Until putting on coat time. DS2 was busy willy waggling, which meant fresh pull up, then persuading him to put his trousers back on and do them up. Then he was refusing to put his socks on, so I had to grab his leg under my arm and put one on. Then he wouldn't put his shoes on. Meantime, DS1 was taking forever to sort himself out and needed a lot of verbal prompts. Then, after the 4th time I told him that he needed to zip his coat up he realised he had his fleece on inside out and got into a flap about it. So, with DS2 finally ready, I had to talk him through taking his coat off and then his fleece to fix it. And then, when he'd put everything back on, I still had to remind him to stop looking at other things and do his zip up.

We ended up 10 minutes late. These are the mornings that remind me that it's far more than just "parenting".

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 10:04:21

You need more chocolate ouryve

I'm waiting for some sort of response from school who will have received the OTs care plan by now for ds which requires them to do what I've been asking them to do for ages some monitoring and data collection. It's a straightforward single SMART target, I bet they don't do it. If they don't I may apply for SA again, at least it makes them have to justify to the LA exactly how they are spending their top up funding...

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 10:16:15

I ate the entire box of chocolate marzipans, yesterday blush

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 11:19:59

I want chocolate marzipan.

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 11:22:14

It is time for a carrot extravaganza.

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 11:22:56


ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 11:22:57

£1.32 in M&S, zzzzz Dated May, too, so you could stock up grin

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 11:45:36

He simply will not entertain the thought of HE. He has made one good friend (who amazingly turned out to live locally and he's been round to his house over the holiday - with dh in tow for the first hour) and he gets on well with a few other boys and couple of girls in his year, as well as a handful higher up the school. He truly loves some of the lessons, not to mention he has dog-training one afternoon a week this term, which is something he's ecstatic about.

It's not all bad and he wants to go, he just can't cope when he does.

The school is being crap though, they keep messing things up and changing things with no notice - great for a school with a high percentage of pupils who have ASD - not!

I'm also so angry about the bullying. We were promised there was no bullying, as previous head had a zero tolerance rule and rigorously enforced it - he's well known for his very successful methods of dealing with bullies and bad behaviour. This year, under the new head, it's been dreadful the older years are seemingly running riot and now there's a well-known gang of bullies, plus one or two individuals in year 7. The new Inclusion Manager says they are aware of the issue and are keeping a close eye on things, but they're clearly failing and there are simple things they could be doing, but seem oblivious to.

I really do think they're pushing 'integration' over support and safety of their SEN pupils. Just don't know what to do about it, given that when he'd only been in the role 2 days the IM delivered the veiled threat "Well if you don't think this school is right for ds1, you can always remove him." and that came hot on the heels of "I haven't read his statement yet, but I doubt we can meet the provision you've mentioned based on his funding level. If it comes to it and you push for every bit of provision, we may have to rethink whether or not we can meet his needs." angry

I put him straight on the last point and told him if there wasn't enough funding, he should go back to our LA and ask for more - at which he looked genuinely shocked that a parent not only talked back, but also knew the process and started muttering about having to provide evidence and call an emergency review. To which I responded "That's the process yes, so if you don't think you can fund the provision in the statement that your school signed a contract only two months ago to provide, then instigate it." Don't think he likes me very much now. hmm

We did end up coming out of the meeting having agreed to provide ds with a laptop ourselves though, despite being told by his form tutor they have a cupboard full available for pupils to use - but no-one had been told ds1 should have one. angry We shouldn't have agreed to it, but were sick of arguing by that point and we thought it would be more useful to have one he can bring home than to be messing about with tiny data-sticks that are bound to get lost.

Ouryve, sorry your morning started badly too.

I am craving chocolate today and there's not a scrap in the house. I forgot to tell dh about the M&S chocs and he has to walk past M&S to get to the station on his way home - think I'll drop him a text. wink

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 11:47:44

Does anyone know what our rights are to see the results of assessments the school - or rather the SALT they use has done on ds?

Apparently he had an afternoon with the SALT doing assessments at the end of last term. She tested many of the things I've been trying and failing to get assessed for years and I'd really like to know the results.

We signed the form at the beginning of the year giving permission for him to be assessed, but they didn't actually tell us when it was happening and we've had no communication about it.

Surely there's some law about sharing information with parents?

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 11:53:44

moose my ds is similar in that he wants to go to school and when I mentioned HE and online schooling in passing he was horrified at the thought, but he still gets hugely anxious (not that they see it) about school, his needs aren't properly met and he masks well. It's hard to know what to do.

Re: the information from assessments, if school don't provide copies based on a simple request you can do a DPA subject access request.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 12:44:38

Thanks Polter.

It's so hard when you can see what a state they're in, but the school don't see it and they still want to keep on putting themselves through it. He does get a lot out of certain aspects of school, but at the moment I'm questioning whether the positives are still outweighing the negatives.

I always thought I'd be HE-ing for secondary, but there's just no way he'd ever go for it. Even at his worst, mid-breakdown, throwing up, having migraines and major meltdowns daily, he was still adamant he wanted to go to school. In his view, that's the rule, 'I go to school Monday through Friday'. After 8 years at school I fear it's just too ingrained to fight.

I think I will email the IM and ask for a copy of the SALT assessments and see what happens. Can't help thinking he's not going to go out of his way to be helpful though.

He really pushes my buttons that guy. He's really young, his work experience isn't all that relevant (he has worked with SENs in the past, but most of his experience is with late teens and early twenties in a hospital education/career type roll). It's the sheer bloody arrogance of a twenty-something guy, with very little experience, that had been in the job just 2 days when we met him and never even read my son's statement, let alone met him, yet was still convinced he knew what ds needs better than dh, myself and all the professionals who have assessed him over the years.

I think one of the downsides of a ms school with a high ASD intake is that they tend to say things like "Oh we have lots of pupils like that ... We just do x, y, z with the ASD pupils." - they seem to completely miss the fact that they're all individuals and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to supporting them. He keeps banging on about pushing the SN pupils to be more independent (eg closing their safe space and lunch time computer access) and saying things like "He can't rely on you to help him forever - he's going to have to go to work one day and you won't be there then." Argh! Yes I do bloody well know that, but he's currently 11 and functioning at an age and practical ability of around a 7-8 year old - would you be expecting as much of a nt child who was 7-8 years? No - I thought not. angry

Sorry to keep ranting, I just feel really disempowered by the combination of there not being clear rights set in stone re LA pupils in indie schools (I know the rights are supposed to be the same, but there seem to be a lot of potential loopholes), especially after he was bolshy enough to try and threaten us on our first meeting, when he'd only just started the job. angry I don't know what to do for best - it feels like we're cornered to be honest.

Ultimately if they say they can't meet need and dump him, we haven't got a leg to stand on to make them keep him, as there's nothing to say they have to take him in the first place. Of course they know this and that's where this new guy's power lies. Ds would never forgive me if they kicked him out because of something I did or said, so I feel like I'm constantly having to walk on eggshells to keep the peace - then his needs don't get met and we go round and round in ever decreasing circles. sad

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 12:56:37

Even at his worst, mid-breakdown, throwing up, having migraines and major meltdowns daily, he was still adamant he wanted to go to school. In his view, that's the rule, 'I go to school Monday through Friday'

Same here, though the presentation of the anxiety is different. Ds gets up, gets ready and goes to school, it's just what he does. He wants to go even though he struggles to say what's good about school. Because of this I concentrate on making sure home is as undemanding as possible, and I try to capitalise on the moments when he's 'ok' to address some of the issues. So hope your ds's school experience improves soon.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 13:03:32

That's exactly what ds does every morning. He has his getting ready for school routine and he just does it, because that's what he does. The stress reactions were from when he came home until the small hours of the following morning.

He's not reached that point again - yet, but I really want to put the brakes on now, so he never does.

The SENCO (copied her in on my email) just emailed me to say she went to see him in his registration group and he seemed ok and quite perky - yep, he'll do that = masking. They keep saying the 'get' masking, but in reality haven't a clue. She has however, asked all his teachers and his TA to keep a close eye on him and let her know if they think he's struggling, which is something I suppose - although none of them will be able to read him either, so I guess he won't be coming home early.

She did also say that she thinks the stomach pain is probably stress/anxiety though, so at least they are acknowledging the anxiety is there, which is one step further than his primary school and she did go to see him too, which means at least they're listening. <trying to find the positives>

SallyBear Thu 09-Jan-14 13:07:21

Completely agree with your one size fits all point, Moose. They're ALL individuals. Last night it was parents evening. DH went and saw the twins teachers. The only negative was Maths. He's not doing homework, he's lying, he's avoiding and he's QUIET in class. Massive alarm bells going off here. Something is not right. He's predicted an A but right now he will be lucky if he gets a C. I think that the lack of knowledge of times tables and understanding the principal concepts are now impacting in yr 9. He needs help. I wonder if there is a chance that he may well have dyscalculia along with dyslexia, AS and dyspraxia..... So no MS are flawed with their 'we have loads of ASD kids, we know what we are doing' thinking. BTW my Aspie son is the top yr9 pupil for GCSE Drama - that sort of flies in the face of conventional thinking! grin

Kids really do cause grey hairs.

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 13:09:13

It's a start moose, it really shouldn't be so hard, our kids aren't the first to present like this, it's not rare.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 13:10:18

Sorry, meant to say we do similar with keeping home as undemanding as possible (I suppose the blooming IM would say we are enabling him in not taking more responsibility).

It's harder to do now he's in secondary though, as he has more homework and it's a real fight to get them to reduce the amount. The only way is apparently to let him fail and get into trouble regularly, then they put him on a homework assistance scheme and if that doesn't work he can drop everything but core subjects. We were told when we visited and at his interview that he could just do core subjects - as homework was already and known issue and mentioned in his statement as such. hmm

They seem to think that because they say only do 20 minutes per subject they aren't asking too much - what they don't get is, it isn't the amount of time, it's having to do schoolwork at home. Home is home and school is school and that's that, as far as he's concerned. The homework itself might only take 20 minutes - although there's often 3 sets a night - but the fight and subsequent meltdowns involved in getting him to do it can go on for hours. He's only getting it done and handing it in on time due to a monumental fight and tonnes of organisational support on my part and his TA helping him actually give it in when he's done it. If I let him fail so they'll consider dropping some subjects I'm scared to think how he'd react. He can't cope with a teacher telling him off gently, let alone being in proper trouble for something.

SallyBear Thu 09-Jan-14 13:11:24

Oh and the other thing (on a roll here - apologies!) is that kids are not taught how to answer exam questions properly. DS1 will give the briefest of answers as in his mind you don't need all that extra wordy stuff to pad out your answer. He will say 14 instead of 'the answer is 14 xyz, I reached this conclusion because of xyz.'

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 13:11:28

Exactly. It isn't hard and if they'd stop being such blooming know-it-alls and listen to the parents advice and suggestions about their own children every once in a while, it would be even easier. hmm

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 13:20:25

Sorry, missed your post Sally.

Are they coming up with any sensible suggestions as to a way forward for your ds with Maths?

Ds loses points in every exam because he does the same - puts really brief, to the point answers and refuses to put down his workings out. I think that probably has a lot to do with the almost two level disparity between his y7 SAT results and his latest assessment at his new school. He can't possibly have leaped almost two levels in one term - can he?

Another thing that drives me crackers - his primary shoved him out of the top set (that he'd been in since he started school) after just two weeks in y6 (destroying the last shred of confidence he had left in his maths ability) basically because the teacher couldn't cope with having to differentiate, but also so they could hothouse the rest of the set through level 6. Then he coasted the rest of the year, going over old ground and basically only got the same as the top group in that class in his SAT. In less than one term in his new school, he's just been assessed as being at the same level as the rest of his old 'top' set. hmm

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 09-Jan-14 13:41:25

It isn't hard and if they'd stop being such blooming know-it-alls and listen to the parents advice and suggestions about their own children every once in a while, it would be even easier

on that note, can anyone please give me viewpoints on this? thanks.

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 09-Jan-14 13:45:04

moose if he feels schoolwork is for school and home is home, is there a chance he will do homework somewhere in school, for maybe 20 minutes? Like the library or something? obviously don't know how your school is set up though

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 09-Jan-14 13:47:53

sorry I've been out more than in lately. I've been getting buried under stress at the moment, just seems to be one thing after another. I've finally sorted my counselling and have first appointment next month. Thank God. I've put it off far too long.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 14:16:38

Sadly not Alice, they don't have any homework clubs and he spends his lunchtimes at various computer clubs - and there's no chance of getting him to give any of those up.

I don't understand why they don't have a homework club during the lunchbreak, surely in a school with a high proportion of pupils with AS it would be a really good idea, as ds can't be the only pupil that feels this way.

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 09-Jan-14 14:26:43

I would have thought a homework club during lunchbreak would be a good idea regardless of the proportion of pupils with AS. Surely NT students might appreciate it as well.

homework Thu 09-Jan-14 14:32:19

Most secondary schools do actually have homework clubs on most days a week , it was one of things remember discussing with schools when we looked round .
There not compulsory so it's up to individual child when and if they use them . I sent my son a few time to learn how to do algebra as can't for life of me seem to get my head round this . Teacher never seemed to have time in class to show him how to do it . He went asked and teacher went though with him individually how to answer question , then did a few more with him to get concept though to him.
But it's up to child to go to these . They also did tend to have a few of the detention kids in them , well according to my child at the time .

On a happier note for us just received email that there employing a lsa to help my child during some lessons , don't know how he's going to feel about this but great for future test and exams as results will improve . Will work well if person wonders and helps more than him , but constantly checks to see he's keeping up etc .
So at least there listening to me , now just to get balance right with this , life should settle down .

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 14:38:22

They definitely don't have one. It's beyond me why though. I checked at all the other schools we visited, but he would have had to go to this school regardless and I forgot to ask beforehand.

Good news about the LSA.

SallyBear Thu 09-Jan-14 14:42:30

We have homework clubs after school at the twins secondary. But this year the maths help is being run by sixth formers as there are no teachers available to run it. I'm looking for a maths tutor.

homework Thu 09-Jan-14 15:08:39

Oh Sally that's bad that there using sixth formers , what if child there using is hopeless at maths but magic at English , where the discipline then as sure , as much as they try its will mess around .
No think homework club should be supervised by teacher , they can always do there own marking when not helping the kids .
Really can't believe that there is not one teacher available to sit in room and supervise them , what happens with kids doing a detention them .

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 15:57:21

6th formers working with younger pupils can be really effective (think I read something somewhere about it) so I wouldn't have a particular issue with that, they're likely to be higher qualified than many TAs, depends on how it's set up and what supervision there is.

Horrible and productive school pick up today. He walked out of class, told me he is not friends with Z anymore and then proceeded to punch me several times before we'd even got out the gates, I said if he didn't stop I would have to hold his hands. We then crossed a road, so he dug his nails into my hand. Then, he said "I don't even know why I'm angry, sorry" shock and that was it. He never ever apologises unprompted. We had a productive chat on the way home about it not being his job to punish other children (there was a minor incident today but not physical) and about how people can be fundamentally good people but it doesn't mean we have to get on with them or even like them, and about how we all have angry horrible thoughts but we need to keep them quiet.

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 16:24:01

Public schools use sixth form to supervise all homework/prep. I think it works well but militantly refused to do it back in the day.....I professed that it was divisive to set one pupil up to discipline another, but actually just found it impossible to work with all the shuffling and whispering. grin

Dd3 is not eating at school and ds2 is finding playground politics difficult.

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 16:28:01

Home is home and school is school and that's that, as far as he's concerned.

<knowing nods>

Though DS1 does ask to "work from home" - he would love to be home schooled, but I'm not convinced it would help him long term, or be good for our relationship. When he's going better than he is, now, school is my respite!

His ranting had a lot less energy behind it, on the way home, today, though the TA who looks after him at lunchtime had to go home and he's "lost" his lunch bag after using it precisely twice. He seemed rather uncomfortable on the way home because some boys from his class and the year below were messing about and being absolute shits to each other and swearing profusely. It was clear he was wanting to say something disapproving, but (thankfully) didn't dare.

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 16:30:51

zzzzz sad hope you can make things better for them.

ouryve glad you had a better pick up, I dread it every day.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 16:32:19

Not sure about detention, ds hasn't had one ... yet, but I think they would definitely want to make a distinction between homework club and detention - given how literal a large proportion of their pupils are, iyswim.

I also think using sixth formers is a good idea. I would imagine it's those doing their Maths A Level that would be helping with Maths homework, etc.

Polter, sorry you had such a bad pick up, but glad it ended up being productive. Sounds very similar to some of the chats I have with ds1 - just like you said earlier, it works much better if you can maximise the opportunities that present themselves for addressing specific issues, rather than trying to force them to talk and more importantly, listen when they aren't in the right frame of mind.

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 16:34:53

We have those chats, too. DS1 would happily take on the role of judge, jury and chief executioner!

They tend to go in one ear and out the other, particularly where DS2 is concerned.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 16:39:49

zzzzz, sorry to hear of more dcs struggling with school. Hope things pick up for them both soon.

Ouryve, glad this afternoon's pick up was at least a little better. Sending vibes for an improved evening as well.

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 16:45:07

They're fine really. They are both quite vulnerable little people, so some struggling is expected. Things are much better than they have been.

SummerRain Thu 09-Jan-14 18:05:51

Ds1 is starting to get moody now. I had an unexpected day off today (my boss was told to give a few of us days off from overstaffed jobs and he gave me and the others who were working the solid two weeks first choice, ds1 has rugby today so I took it off so I can bring him), ds1 was so wound up after school I took him into town with me to stop him climbing the walls at home but he was a complete pain in the arse so that wasn't hugely successful hmm

hazeyjane Thu 09-Jan-14 19:57:59

Ouryve and Moose, sorry your ds's are struggling.

Another day of phone calls and emails about ds's statement here so shoving that to one side of my brain, so that I can reeeelax.

Dd1 is struggling at school too, 2 of her closest friends left at the beginning of yr 3 to go to the local private school, so although her best friend is still there, she says she has no other friends, and doesn't really like any of the other girls there. She is so lovely, but can be quite 'dark' and I think seems a bit odd to the other girls. An example being, when 2 girls were here last week talking about One Direction, I put some to play on the iPad, so the girls could listen to it - dd1 gave me a look with a real eyeroll and said, 'they are not as good as The Beach Boys'!

'Stargazing' just about to start, smells of spag Bol and red wine wafting up the stairs - woohoo!

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 20:07:19

Briangazing here, too. Talk of coronal mass ejections blush

Much better evening. DS1 has merely been flipping annoying, which is a vast improvement. Mr Bounce, I can live with (so long as he's not bouncing and chattering loudly right next to my head). He's tired himself out watching Winter wipeout grin

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 20:09:04

DS1 thinks the Beach Boys are better than One Direction too grin

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 09-Jan-14 21:06:48

Polter , Moose, Ouryve, zzzzz sorry about all the school troubles. I do wish schools would just accept that parents do know their children.
HE never worked for Ds and he still finds it really hard to do homework at home even though in 6th form he can recognise that he needs to.
He went to lots of after school sessions during his GCSE years which really helped but transport made it difficult to use homework clubs in earlier years and still cost us a fortune in taxis last year.

Sally ds's tutor who is dyslexia trained and dyslexic herself says that it is very common for dyscalculia to go along with dyslexia. Ds certainly has both. He still doesn't know tables or number bonds securely. However he does seem to get maths concepts but is just slower in processing and obviously in doing the basic arithmetic.
A tutor who knows about dyscalculia could help sort out the bits your ds struggles with. And he may still do fine. Ds got As in his GCSE maths and statistics and is now doing AS level maths.

Dd is still mainly getting around the house by bottom shuffling. Unfortunately at the moment she has massive acne spots on both buttocks which makes that uncomfortable. I expect it might seem funny in retrospect but at the moment it is just well a pain in the bum!

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 21:11:55

Oh NoHaudin poor dd <ouch> it's good to see you back in the G&C smile sorry you're having so many 'issues' at the moment, so hope this year improves for you flowers

Well, I'm feeling really, really sad today sad

I went to see my friend, and that made me happy, but I saw/heard something that made me really sad when we bumped into one of her friends who has DC.

And I've got my volunteering meeting and college assessment tomorrow. Slightly nervous now.

Galena Thu 09-Jan-14 21:15:56

Sorry to hear school is being a problem for so many of you.

I knew DD was doing numeracy and literacy with Y1 (and loving it - she now tells me what she's done in school, rather than just saying 'I don't know'). She came home with a set of spellings to learn - her first ever spelling list. I thought the words were a bit tricky and asked if they were from the Y1 teacher. She looked at me as if I was mad and said 'No, Mrs X' who, having looked at the school website, is the Y2 teacher! shock They did tell me she was going into a group of children doing Phase 5 of Letters and Sounds, but I didn't realise that would be with Y2!

DD does, however, have another bloody stomach bug. Poo everywhere! I'm hoping and praying it's not going to develop into a vomitty bug. Sickness is randomly better. Means she misses the first spelling test...

Galena Thu 09-Jan-14 21:20:10

On a separate note... How's your Croatian?

Very odd being splattered across international press...

If your Croatian isn't up to scratch, here's the English version...

SallyBear Thu 09-Jan-14 21:23:41

Thanks NHMW. I've been given a name of someone and I will see if she's familiar with Dyslexia and Dyscalculia. I think he does get some maths concepts, just not all, and the tables and number bonds are tricky for him.

Galena that's awesome. I was just thinking about your DD and wondering how she was getting on. I used to volunteer for a charity that helped fundraise for SDR procedures, but would send the children to the USA for it, so I know how long the road is after the operation.

Glad she's doing well smile

youarewinning Thu 09-Jan-14 21:48:03

Moose, ouryve, polt and zzzz. Sorry to hear about issues at school. Think we are heading that way here - can see the anxiety creeping in.

Galena - wow wow wow - that is amazing. I'm am so pleased for you all. Can't believe that the op,was only October.

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 09-Jan-14 21:52:42

Galena your dd is doing so well. Hope the bug doesn't develop.

Lollipop good luck for tomorrow.

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 22:05:54

Lump in my throat, Galena smile

Lollipop - good luck, tomorrow.

In other news, my boys have officially grown out of being cute when they're asleep. DH just came down and said they both had their hands in their pants!

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 22:39:18

Galena wow for your dd grin

ouryve lovely hmm

How lovely, Galena! Your DD is doing so well. Xx

I'm sorry school sounds so tough for so many of you.

I have some good news from the EJ family. My DS1 took his Maths GCSE in Nov and got his result today. I have no-one to share it with in RL without looking like a show off, but he got an A* and the top mark in his year. So proud. And I know you don't mind a bit of bragging. blush

PolterGoose Thu 09-Jan-14 22:49:21

That's fantastic Ellen well done ds1 grin

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 23:03:31

NoHaudin, poor dd. Hope things start to look up for you and yours really soon.

Galena - I can't believe how well your dd has done. That article had me welling up, knowing how much she and you've been through. How absolutely fantastic! Fingers crossed the bug is a quick 24 hour thing.

Sally, my friend is a qualified dyslexia tutor and also has severe dyslexia herself, as does her dd. She says maths is often a challenge without actual dyscalcula, because learning the basic mathematic rules and memorising times tables etc is so much harder. She reckons the vast majority of people with dyslexia (depending on type of course) never master their times tables and that's what causes problems further up the school years, iyswim.

My news this evening is that ds2 has .... A SPOT! hmm It's just the one at the moment, but it's looking suspiciously blistery. I'm praying it isn't chickenpox, because he's Star of the Week and I'm supposed to be going to watch him getting his certificate during tomorrow morning's assembly. Poor kid's been waiting since before Christmas, as the assembly he should have received it as was the school's Christmas Service, so they bumped the certificate giving to this week.

Ds1 had a good day at school. Photography was great and they had the head of Computing from Oxford Uni visit their ICT lesson for an open Q&A session. That said, he came home looking like death and said it had been getting worse all day, but he didn't like to say anythign. Then later he refused to stand because it hurst his stomach too much. hmm Googled and discovered some people get abdominal pain for a couple of days before the spots appear with chickenpox. His back looks a bit speckly, but no actual spots and he does have a tendency towards mysterious, but mild, allergic rashes - so it's anyone's guess.

I swear I will scream if one or other of them comes down with it now and I have to spend another two week locked in the house.

One good thing was that his TA noticed he was looking upset/out-of-sorts during a lesson this afternoon and took him out of the lesson to chat to him. Turned out he had been being hassled and in his words 'humiliated' by the same boy that he was worrying about the other day - and he actually managed to tell her about it. So, that backs up what I've said to them in emails and she says she's going to speak to the SENCO and try and sort it out.

He gets a termly report and got great grades for almost everything, bar photography and science, where achievement was good, but he was marked down for lack of focus/concentration (no shit, a child with slow processing, who is noted in his statement to suffer from ASD related blank moments seemingly failing to concentrate hmm). Turns out he has to sit by/near this boy in both lessons and he constantly distracts and says horrible things to him. To my shame, I had forgotten I'd said I would email the school about it when we talked through his report at the end of last term. Definitely need to follow it up now and hopefully they'll shift the boy away from where ds sits.

I thought it was odd, because they are two of his favourite subjects and ones that he's good at and most likely to be keen and focussed in, so I was shocked when they were the only ones that said he hadn't been concentrating properly. It all makes sense now.

moosemama Thu 09-Jan-14 23:04:57

Cross posted.

That's awesome Ellen huge congratulations to your ds1. Obviously gets his brains from his Mum! grin

ouryve Thu 09-Jan-14 23:12:41

Excellent, ellen!

Crossing fingers for no more spots, moose

And, yes, boys are revolting, sometimes!

We were trying to encourage DS1 to show a bit of decorum around his bodily functions. Trying to encourage to say "excuse me" if he burps or farts. Nope, he prefers "MISter RUUUUUUUUDE!"

zzzzz Thu 09-Jan-14 23:12:51

Galena oh she is lovely. I'm so glad it's been a success.

Ellen what a clever boy. Is he all happy and smuggins? grin. YAY!

NoHauldin poor dd, so painfull and so awkward. (Do not mention "pain in the bum" aloud.)

Oh no, moose, not the pox! Have DS1 and DS2 never had it before? I hope you can sort his photography and science out.

Ouryve, at least 2 of my boys are still revolting and a bit smelly from time to time.

Yes, DS1 is nicely smug! It's funny, but he didn't talk until he was over 3 and has always struggled with English but he just seems so confident these days. Being good at something, anything does wonders. He's still very geeky, painfully shy and awkward, but happy within his small group of friends. And he's the most NT of the three. Unfortunately he's actually taking after his father, rather than me, who has a 1st in Maths, despite a CSE grade 2 in English! wink

AliceinWinterWonderland Thu 09-Jan-14 23:38:19

I so want to catch up with this all, but I won't be able to properly until tomorrow. I hope everyone is well.

My brain is toast over this school swimming thing and also dealing with some developments re DS2 as we're sorting IEPs and some basic assessment stuff with senco for him (sob). I am not sure my brain will hold much more "have to remember" things. I'm reaching overload myself.

Will post more sensibly tomorrow once I've caught up.

signandsingcarols Fri 10-Jan-14 07:11:31

bearing in mind the G&C will open again this eve, this is a bit late, but didn't want to ignore some of the stuff you lovely ladies have been having, sad and for some you angry for all the school stuff,
Yay! ellen janes ds, grin and sad for nahaudins dd (and for all the MiL stress) (sign waves to EJ and NHMW)

I have started my 'sensible' hours and they work well, they have already asked if I will up them, and I have said NO, hmm,
dh is very unsteady atm, but I think he is also stressed about the new kitchen, (he will have to pack up some of his desperately annoying crap treasured transformers/zords/lego from the 'library' --crap room off the kitchen--)
I officially love ds's teacher, (Don't fancy him, as he is soooo young, looks about 18) but went for a meeting with him yest and he 'got' that the IEP was weak, (frankly a bit useless) was excited about setting new SMART targets, and about how he would be able to measure if ds achieved, took on board my recommendations for a SLT goal, and for a social behaviour one, and will produce a new IEP, for my persusal next week, grin wink, was very positive about the offer of an ASD book to give back ground info,

I know there are some crappy teachers and schools about, so am suitably overjoyed with a good un, (and not gloating, sorry! sad blush)

SallyBear Fri 10-Jan-14 07:58:06

Moose your dyslexia tutor friend has described DS to a tee! I've got to contact this woman today and find out what she does. I wonder if a make tutor might be better???? Musing away here.

SallyBear Fri 10-Jan-14 08:08:19

Male tutor!! Fat fingers

moosemama Fri 10-Jan-14 08:27:56

Well ... ds1 was keen to show us pimple this morning, but it was just that - a pimple.

Whereas ds2 has a bloody chickenpox blister where his suspicious spot was last night - so no Star of the Week Certificate today and he's going to miss his theatre trip next week. Poor lad is gutted. sad

I am ashamed to say I was quite relieved not to have to go to assembly, as I had a couple of nasty neuro episodes in the night and could barely get out of bed this morning, so no school-runs and no hour long assembly to sit through was a relief. I think he'll get his certificate with the next lot after he gets back - even though it will have been well over a month since he was actually Star of the Week by then. Dh is going to see how long the play is running and if it's still on, take him himself when he's better.

Wish these blooming neuro episodes would stop. They leave me so exhausted for the following day and I have dd's birthday mid-week next week then 10 little girls to a Fairy Princess Tea Party on the following Saturday and have such a lot to get done. Not least of all, a Fairy Princess 'doll' cake that's giving me palpitations just thinking about it. hmm

moosemama Fri 10-Jan-14 08:30:21

Sally, it's a shame you're not in her area - they are an area specific charity - as I think they do have a couple of male tutors. Both my boys would respond better to a male tutor. They both idolise the only male teacher they've had at primary and he's not exactly a candidate for teacher of the year. All he had to do was be male for them to think he was the best thing since sliced bread!

SallyBear Fri 10-Jan-14 08:38:17

I've just emailed the chap who taught me maths GCSE in 2011. He was lovely. Hopefully he will be interested in tutoring. He's endlessly patient.

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 09:35:21

Well, DS1 was quietly defiant, this morning. Had that glint in his eye. The sort of mood that used to be the only time he'd ever make eye contact.

Then he blew up when it was time to put shoes and coat on. It was a relatively brief outburst, but he was still feisty on the way to school.

Could be an interesting day.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 09:39:43

Have more chocolate ouryve wink

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 09:59:34

It's all gone blush

DH did help me, though. Now I can justify buying some more when we do the proper shop, tomorrow.

I've had a cheese and chutney sarnie, though. I feel a lot more ready to face the rest of the day for that. My ready brek that had been sat around for 15 minutes, while I dealt with a nappy explosion, before school, was less than satisfying.

Now need to go do something with the load of emergency washing I had to put on. And vacuum this floor, since I only had Attends to hand, when DS2 needed changing, and he immediately destroyed that one, leaving more mess everywhere. The floor looks like an explosion in a sheep farm, next to a bakers, next to a toy shop.

And a bath beckons. Might soothe my hurty joints.

Galena Fri 10-Jan-14 10:09:23

Enjoy your bath, ouryve!

If I want bum-wiping added into DD's statement, how could I go about that? Annual review is booked for end of Jan. I told them at the start of the year she couldn't wipe her bum, so am angry that they neither helped her clean herself after her poo accident, nor called me. Poor mite was red raw after school, and screamed (proper screaming) whenever she needed a wee. sad Looking at her statement, it mentions needing help getting onto the toilet, and also getting dressed and undressed, but I didn't think about wiping at the time as she was in playgroup and lots of children couldn't wipe.

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 10:19:02

I'd guess it needs to be more specific about the type of help she needs. Would she wipe better with visual reminders or with access to wet wipes? Hoew do you help her at home, or do you have to wipe for her?

DS1 is terrible at wiping (I had a bag of his pants to chuck in with the soiled jammies) but he avoids going at school, if he can manage it, anyhow. Even for a wee, sometimes.

Galena Fri 10-Jan-14 10:27:32

Her arms don't seem long enough to reach her bum... I guess it's just the whole bending and twisting thing. We wipe for her at home (she wipes after a wee, we wipe after a poo). Doesn't help that she has to hold onto a handle with her right hand to balance on the toilet at home (she's right handed). I certainly will be practising with her, but it's going to take a while.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 10:32:51

Galena ds is 10.7 and we still have to wipe him, the combination of poor motor skills and sensory problems mean he won't even try, thankfully he only poos at home. However, back in reception he had a few accidents and they always cleaned him up pretty well, that was before dx and no statement. School should just do it, it shouldn't need to be requested or required angry

hazeyjane Fri 10-Jan-14 10:39:39

It is only in the last year that dd2 (6) comes home without poo all over her pants. Like you say her arms just don't seem long enough!

I hope they will be able to sort out some help for her, but in the meantime, I made a little bag for dd2 with a spare pair of knickers, some wipes, hand gel and a nappy bag (for pooey pants) - and gave her lessons in how to clean herself up afterwards. I also said to the teacher that if she went to the toilet and was a long time, them there was probably a clean up operation going on. I hated the thought of her sore, or smelling of poo whilst playing.

She looks like she is doing so well, Galena, you must be so proud.

Just so furious about what is going on with ds's statement. Have just got off the phone with his early years worker, and burst into tears. I have written everything down, it is just beyond me that a case involving a child who has been in the system since birth, and has so many professionals involved in his care can be so cocked up.

Feeling a little over emotional because this week has seen the anniversary of the deaths of 2 beautiful children with Kleefstra Syndrome ( one of whom only had her diagnosis after she died).

hazeyjane Fri 10-Jan-14 10:43:17

Sorry, meant to say, I hope you find a good tutor for ds2, Sallybear. Interesting about dyslexia and times tables, dd2 hasn't started that stage of numeracy yet, so will keep an eye on it.

And Moose, sorry to hear it is the pox thanks and bucket loads of bicarb and piriton for you.

autumnsmum Fri 10-Jan-14 10:48:19

Haley that's heartbreaking to hear buckets of wine and choc .there was a boy with kleefstra syndrome at one of the units we looked at for dd2 .galena you have a beautiful brave daughter.ouryve dd2 has already managed to rip an attend nappy and the bed looks like the inside of a snow globe

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 11:15:12

They seemed a lot tougher when he first started getting them autumn. They often rip when we try to position the tape, too - thinking I need to have a grumble to someone as they're virtually unusable because the temptation for him to help them along is too great. I've even caught DS1 poking his backside to make them pop.

I understand the arms seeming too short, Galena. I have short arms and a long torso, anyhow, and when my lower back or shoulders have seized up, I do find it hard to reach around the back. Definitely try the wet wipes, though. They don't need to be kids' ones - Sainsburys do "sensitive" ones for about 70p for a "refill" pack of 40. They're easier to get straight out of the pack than out of the dispensers, much like babywipes. They clean off a lot more, though. When DS1 will let me in the bathroom with him, I'll insist that he finishes off with one.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 11:22:10

(((hugs))) hazey

autumnsmum Fri 10-Jan-14 11:23:58

Ouryve I've had the problem with the tapes as well as they are huge on dd2 .she did however have great fun removing all the packets from the delivery box and using them as stepping stones across the living room

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 11:27:46

I get DS1 to take them all upstairs as his "heavy work". The boys then get a giant box each to play with!

moosemama Fri 10-Jan-14 12:16:59

Hazey, I have no useful advice, just some ((hugs)) and a brew

moosemama Fri 10-Jan-14 12:21:21

Ds1 used to build huge great structures with his boxes of nappies when he was younger. I can remember thinking how at least it was a bit of added value for money.

Well, ds2 is not feeling ill at all and still has just the one spot, but is reporting sore bits on his skin here and there - including his scalp, so am thinking it's only a matter of time.

We've actually had quite a nice day, as ds2 is feeling ok and dd is pretty much better and they get on well together - which is a vast improvement on the combination of dd and ds1 at the start of the week.

I have just realised that, if ds1 comes down with it in the next few days to a week, I won't have had a single child free day from the start of December to the end of January. I will definitely be in dire need of copious amounts of both wine and chocolate by then. <<wibble>>

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 10-Jan-14 12:24:53

Ellen well done to your ds. You should be very proud. So should he.

Galena you shouldn't have to spell the wiping out but sounds as if it might be safer to. Shouldn't be a problem if they are already helping with toileting. Though some schools do get really twitching about anything to with toileting. I really think that ds was excluded from his primary school because the HT couldn't cope with the thought that due to his OCD he needed help in the loo.

Sign glad the new hours are working out and yay for an enthusiastic new teacher who listens.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 12:30:04

moose brew cake can you try and plan some getting out of the house at weekends when dh is home?

Jacksterbear Fri 10-Jan-14 12:36:19

Hope you managed to get some time to relax a bit, ouryve.

It's so very reassuring and a relief to hear that others are having to do bum-wiping too. That's yet another thing (like poor eating and sleeping) that I'd put down to my own shit (excuse the pun grin) parenting but now I see may be down to ds' difficulties!

moose, hope you are getting through the day ok; and hazey thanks.

DS refused all items of school uniform this morning as they were all scratchy/uncomfortable/rubbing his skin. He ended up going in in tracky bottoms, hoody, and snow boots hmm. Happily school seem to be of the view that better in and calmish, than not in / in but in a state.

Jacksterbear Fri 10-Jan-14 12:38:30

(Ps yet again I've done a giant x-post by not refreshing the thread!)

moosemama Fri 10-Jan-14 12:41:40

Thanks Polter. I think I'm going to have to. I'm planning a huge long walk with my dogs this weekend at the very least. Poor things have only been lead walked after dark for two weeks now. The older one is depressed and the pup is going stir crazy.

Jackster, thanks for the good wishes.

It's refreshing to hear of a school that has such a sensible attitude. So many just seem to insist on full uniform regardless.

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 13:39:02

That's how I felt last year, moose when everyone was constantly coughing or puking. DH has gone from working in an office of 100 to an office of 5 on a full day, now, so he's bringing less home. DS1 is no longer having his migraines and DS2 actually seems more robust for cutting out our weekly pizza, as well. I've suspected him of having abdominal migraines, in the past (which is why I kicked myself for never considering that for DS1).

DS2 made me laugh, this morning. His 1:1 has long, curly hair, and normally wears it up, piled on her head (since long before that became hip!) She had it straightened, this morning. He took one look at her, shook his head and ran past her!

Jackster - we've done that with DS1, before now. I took his uniform in a bag, but I figured it was more important he just went in. I've also sent DS2 in, wearing cotton joggers, when he's had a bad heat rash, but it's not been warm enough for shorts.

zzzzz Fri 10-Jan-14 13:57:35

Please shoot me, I am the worst mother and possibly mad. Enormous arrangements to take ds1 to the dentist 40mindrive away. Drove to wrong "campus" realised mistake, got lost, 20 mins late, dentist gone home.......I literally can't do anything right at the moment. sad <wail>
I make tepid mistakes ALL the time.

Feeling fucking awful.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 14:10:03

These things happen zzzzz brew cake flowers

ouryve Fri 10-Jan-14 14:51:47

Tepid mistakes are forgiveable when you're already stressed. It's the hot ones I'd worry about zzzzz flowersbrew

zzzzz Fri 10-Jan-14 15:57:20

I just am SO tired of always being late

SallyBear Fri 10-Jan-14 16:11:33

I set my appt entries in my phone to include travel time and a bit extra. I did something similar and missed a junction on the M40 and did a 20 mile round trip to get back to the junction I needed..... I hadn't included enough time for the re-route but fortunately my squawked phone call en route did the trick blush

SummerRain Fri 10-Jan-14 16:11:57

Morning from hell here... Missed my alarms as my phone was acting the bollocks again and was drastically late for work. The girl I was supposed to be driving went ahead without me so I've lost out on my petrol expenses and I feel like shit as shes had to spend extra on petrol too. Then I hit a badger on my way to work and cried most of the way (I love badgers sad)

Thankfully my supervisor was lovely so at least I didn't get in shit for being late but I'm still feeling frazzled and upset.

PolterGoose Fri 10-Jan-14 16:27:17

(((hugs))) and wine for Summer flowers

For Sally wink

Wow, today has just blown my mind. Good things, but... wow. Talk of social enterprises, making a feature documentary and other good stuff. Could be an amazing year for me.

Would it be a social enterprise if I were to take baby/toddler/watch me grow pictures and used the profits from the business to run workshops in film and photography for children and adults with SN? I'd love to do that.

SallyBear Fri 10-Jan-14 16:34:55

Cheeky goose! grin

youarewinning Fri 10-Jan-14 18:28:59

Ellen grin

Moose - hope spots all disappear off soon.

Sally - hope you find a decent tutor.

Hazey wine

zzzz - we've all been there! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Also do bum wiping here. DS struggles to do it right. However when he leaks at school he does sort himself out. Its not the best job but is improvement!

For those who say their children get unexplained allergic reactions. I'm currently looking at some information - re sensory processing and retained primitive reflexes. Seems to link to DS and is very common in children with ASD. I got some info from the sensory OT at school and have looked into it further. DS has retained 2 reflexes and possibly another from what I've done with him at home. Sensory OT saw videos and agrees so I'm building a case to present pead in April. Think I've officially decided to become one of 'those' mums. wink

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