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Goose and Carrot, refuge, rally point and fountain of all cake.

(392 Posts)
zzzzz Fri 11-Oct-13 16:59:16

Hope no one has started up for the week. Gosh it's been a bit fatiguing on the main boards.

cake wine brew for some or all.

We have had a power cut all is cold.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 17:20:41

Oooh... so sorry you're cold. I'm chilly, but have caved in and turned the heater on.

I'm quite frustrated with SS today. DS1 got in trouble today - an incident with another boy playing rough during before-school/breakfast club, and then DS1 got upset and ran into the toilets and locked himself in, so it took them maybe 15-20 minutes to get him out of toilet area. Anyway, because of this, DS1 can't go to breakfast club next week for Monday and Tuesday. sigh...

I explained to them that first of all, if they had decided on this course of action this morning, they could have AT LEAST rang me and let me know this morning, so I could then sort out arrangements in a timely manner for school run on Monday and Tuesday (as I have DS2 to get to school as well at a different school).

Secondly, by next week, he won't even remember why he's being punished. He'll have a complete meltdown because his "routine" is disrupted, and it will affect his behaviour literally all day. hmm

Third, this punishes ME, not him! I will not only have to deal with a meltdown each morning, but then I will have to drag him along (still in meltdown with my luck) to DS2's school while I take HIM to school, then take DS1 to school....late. I flat out told the teacher that he will be late both those days as obviously I cannot be in two places at one time. And that I had better not get any flack from the attendance officer.

I also pointed out that because the punishment is next week, it really won't have a positive effect on DS1's behaviour in breakfast club, as it's too delayed to be effective. He needs punishment on the same day for it to stick better. They know this. It would have been MUCH better for them to take away his playtime that afternoon, and explaining to him that it was due to his behaviour that morning. Then the next week, he could then be reminded that if there are problems with his behaviour in breakfast club, that he would lose his playtime that afternoon again - guaranteed to get his attention.

And lastly, I don't appreciate this being labelled a "serious incident" and punishment that has a huge effect on ME (rather than him as a learning experience) without ME being INCLUDED in the decision. They should have rang me in the morning today and said "we've had this happen and we need to speak to you." I would have happily come down to the school immediately and discussed it with them. But instead, I find out about it all when I go to pick him up.

I am not happy with this, and think I am going to have to meet with the headteacher to discuss it.

Sorry. Rant over. Other than that, it wasn't that horribly bad a week, just so-so.

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 17:20:51


Can I have brew filled with hot honey and lemon please? I feel poo - coughing and hacking and praying DD doesn't get it! She has finished school now till after her op. We've managed to swing it so we don't go in the night before, but drive down the morning of the op. Even though it'll be an early start, I have a feeling it'll be more restful than spending a night on a 12-bedded ward!

This week has been busy - pre-op (day of 4 appointments) on Mon, school all week for DD, and parent evening yesterday. Really positive, and came away feeling pleased we picked this school for her.

Warm thoughts for you, zzzzz

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:22:07

Evening all.

I am surprisingly still awake. Not exactly sure how. It's either that or I'm actually asleep and all this is a dream ....

Dd has just done such a 4 year old thing. She brought home an invitation to a birthday party - first one this school year. Unfortunately we will be in Ireland (where she is desperate to go) on the day of the party. Cue enormous tantrum. She wants to go to the party, but she wants to go to Irelands on and on and on. Told her she can stay at home with Grandma while we all go on holiday if she likes and Grandma can take her to the party, cue even bigger tantrum. Then "I can't decide ... I want to do both ..." hmm

It kind of proves the point I was making to dh the other day that our kids don't appreciate anything we do or give them and seem to be expecting more and more from us all the time without thinking they need to respect, us, our home or their belongings. hmm

I feel a mean mummy clampdown coming on. wine

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:32:19

wine Triggles. Honestly, it's not rocket science is it. For nt, let alone children with ASD the consequence should be commensurate with the behaviour/rule broken and as close as possible to the actual event. Punishing children days after the event is ridiculous. It's similar to what they did to ArthurPewty's dd with the home-corner incident.

It's one of the few things our primary school actually gets right. I remember our inclusion team telling them exactly that about making sure ds is only punished on the same day and that we should never punish at home for things that happen at school, although discussing how he could have made better choices etc was a good idea. To be fair, the school took it on board - although ds2's class was kept in the following day's breaktime when they were 'allegedly' naughty in the afternoon - but they're almost 10 years old and nt, so able to understand.

Galena brew <--- lemsip. I missed when your dd's op is happening, as my head was too rough to read the thread back last week. You must be living on your nerves at this point? Great news that you are really happy with her school - it makes a world of difference to your day to day life when they're happy at school.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 17:39:48

moosemama I get that here too sometimes. Not appreciate no matter what. I also tend to do the mean mummy clampdown, if it helps you feel any better. At the moment, I'm trying to just detach a bit, as I'm so angry over the school thing today I could just scream. Angry at DS1 because of his behaviour (yes, I know, I should know better, shouldn't I?) and angry at the school for the way they handled it. I just need time to cool down and then I'll cope better.

Galena glad the preop stuff went smoothly, although I hope you get over your illness quickly.

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 17:43:23

Triggles, that's pants! They just have to learn that punishments (even for NT children) are most effective if immediate.

DD's op is 22nd Oct. I'm a bit nervous, it must be said grin

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 17:45:15

Evening all smile

brew with the contents of your choice all round tonight

<passes hot water bottle to zzzzz>

Triggles that is a crap punishment and pointless. It is worth asking why they are doing it because punitive measures don't teach skills and punishing for the sake of it is unjust.

moose nice to see you still awake, hope you get better sleep tonight, does dh do any getting up? And has he started new job yet?

Galena so pleased you've got a decent school and hope dd stays well.

Ds has had his best week so far since starting Y6. Next week me and he are meeting the secondary Senco and doing a tour which will be interesting and I have my meeting at current school to discuss his needs again.

zzzzz Fri 11-Oct-13 17:47:03

Power is back and fires burning, but I am still cold. I am old.

I have found the most beautiful wool shop and bought dd a lovely bamboo crochet hook, book and selection of wool for her birthday. I really really want it for me blush . I have also learnt that they have a knit/crochet session in the shop every Wed afternoon and am wondering whether I should go. It would be easy this week and next but might be harder later on and then I will feel resentful. sad

SummerRain Fri 11-Oct-13 17:51:56


Sorry to hear you've joined us in the plague corner galena flowers

I'm curled up with my boys enjoying the lack of exam stress.... have to figure out what to do for dinner at some point though.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 17:55:02

It's hard isn't it. You know deep down that kids never appreciate things that we do for them, but sometimes it really starts to grate, when you've bent over backwards, removed endless barriers to get them what they want and they don't even acknowledge it or instantly ask for more. hmm

I lost it with ds1 at bed time the other night because I stupidly went to make his bed for him and found endless piles of rubbish under his bed, including mountains of bogie filled tissues, several cups, a mummified sandwich, still half wrapped in foil, sweet wrappers, old sweets that had gone sticky ... and loads of rare and collectable Lego minifigures and Pokemon trading cards that I have, at various times, torn my hair out trying to source for him for birthdays and Christmas. Every single one of them was so vital and important - he had to have them, then he just tosses them aside and doesn't even notice they're missing. angry

Of course me freaking out about it at bedtime was the trigger to him them not sleeping for the rest of the week - because I said enough is enough and we are going to sort the whole room out - send tonnes of stuff to charity and redesign the room. He's conflicted because he is embarrassed about the Bang on the Door alphabet stickers he has around the top of the picture rail, but doesn't want them taken down, as he doesn't want the room to change. The other week he got all the posters out of his pokemon and nintendo magazines and covered most of them up. It looks ridiculous, the stickers themselves are old and peeling in places, but he still won't let us take them down. He is also still sleeping curled up in a toddler bed, because he won't let us extend it to full length. <<sigh>>

The thing is, he shares with ds2 and he does want a nice grown up teenagery bedroom. We've put it off as long as we can, but it's getting desperate now.

I should add that his bedroom isn't normally so disgusting, but because I haven't been well for a couple of months, I've failed to check to the extent of under and around beds when I've told them to tidy it - just checked it was clean enough to vaccuum and dust - so surface tidy I guess. I have asked dh to check their room several times in that period of time though - he obviously didn't bother. angry

We're getting the same from the boys this weekend. Dh has to work and therefore can't take them to Pokemon League. Apparently it's some important tournament and they are both angry that they can't go, but I don't drive and it's just not possible. Dh gives up half a day every other Saturday to take them, he doesn't want to blooming well work, it's not his fault, but you'd think he'd committed some sort of heinous crime from the way they're going on about it.

They're all just coming over as horrible spoiled brats and I've had enough of it. I've told them all it's going to be a lean Christmas and not to ask for anything rare, collectable or expensive. I spent weeks last year sourcing rare Pokemon cards, some costing £10.00 each - then I find them under the bed, stuck to a tissue by a bogie and covered in melted sweetie goo. angry

RippingYarns Fri 11-Oct-13 17:57:09

My week has been much the same as last week but DD has just made me chuckle by bidding DiL 'farewell'. Then turned to me and asked what farewell meant :-D

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 17:58:56

Hi everyone, Trigg was your DS the only one playing roughly? If not was the other child/children punished the same as yours?
It's bad that schools continue to put sanctions in place that will serve no useful purpose.

Moose, good luck with that one.

Galena, hope the honey and lemon works.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:02:46

Thanks Polter. Dh got up every time last night, but he sleeps through them, so they wake me - then I have to wake him. The previous two nights I was on my own, as he was so exhausted his boss was having a go at him for being permanently tired and vague, so he slept downstairs to get some peace.

He starts his new job mid-November, but has loads of ridiculous deadlines at his old job first - hence the late nights and weekend work. He really wants to tell them to shove it, but his current boss has deliberately delayed sending his reference - so is effectively holding it over him as leverage. angry

He's been very good, he's doing all the breakfasts, supervising everyone getting dressed, ds1 onto his transport and then taking the other two to school and he's cooked tea every night he's been home this week. I just get up to kiss them all goodbye and wish them a nice day at school. I think he's a bit worried about me - I do look er .... a tad rough at the moment.

I didn't get to rest this afternoon as one of the mums from school turned up on the doorstep unexpectedly. She's lovely, one of the few mums I have ever let in my home and she's struggling with getting her youngest dd dxd and supported, because the school is being - well exactly what they were like with ds1. angry

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:04:32

Capticorn, thanks - I just ranted at the time, but the enormity of what I said has been sinking in ever since. Not only is sorting the room an enormous task, but getting ds1 to accept it is gargantuan ... I may never get another whole night's sleep again! shock

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 18:05:54

Had a nightmare wake up this morning. DH has been in Nuremberg all week, and this morning I couldn't find the puppy when I woke up. I opened DS4's door to be met with a very stressed puppy but a scene that can only be described as a shit storm. Forty minutes later I've cleaned and wiped and washed and just generally aired DS's room. God knows how long the poor pup had bed stuck in there, but seeing as he doesn't bark and DS4 doesn't talk..... it was a good job that the flooring is laminate.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:06:39

capticorn1 I believe both boys were punished for the rough play. But DS1 was in further trouble because he got upset and ran into the toilet and locked himself in. Part of me is a bit hmm because it was an "upset reaction" that they're punishing him over. Not to mention I'm annoyed as since this other boy has started breakfast club, DS1 has gotten in trouble with him a few times, whereas last year he was fine all year in breakfast club. I've already had a word with the teacher about DS1 being kept away from this boy as much as possible as the boy either winds him up or encouraging him to do things he shouldn't be doing. Looks like I'm going to have to bring this to their attention again. He's at least a year older than DS1, possibly two, and he just seems to come up with all this stuff that DS1 just doesn't think of on his own. hmm

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:07:13

wine Sally

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:09:36

Triggles, I'm shocked they think he should be punished for a non-violent emotional response to a situation. Surely running to the toilets is a much better choice than staying and shouting the odds - or worse? I think removing himself from the situation was actually quite a good choice, given the alternatives.

hazeyjane Fri 11-Oct-13 18:09:58

<rings warning bell>

I'll just snuggle up in the corner in my dressing gown and bedsocks looking glamorous, sipping cocodamol and knocking back antibiotics.

Left ds watching Pirates (his new favourite thing!) this afternoon whilst I washed up, looked in to check on him to discover him precariously balanced on window ledge, he fell backwards and now has a huge bump where he hit a chair on the way down Lesson here is - never do washing up.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 18:10:17

moose you're frazzled, ds is frazzled, give yourself a break and take it easy for a bit, things don't matter, everyone's well being does flowers

hazeyjane Fri 11-Oct-13 18:11:40

Oh dear, Sally - large wine and a new pair of Marigolds for you.

I think they call that a messy protest.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:15:12

capticorn1 to the best of my knowledge, the other boy got a red card but is still allowed to go to breakfast club. I was told the punishment was because he ran into the toilet and locked himself in (which the other boy did not do).

SallyBear Oh goodness, that doesn't sound good! Poor you to have to clean it all up! (and yes, thank god it wasn't carpeting!)

moosemama I agree regarding Christmas. I'm really struggling with this here as well. And I'm trying to get EH to understand that he doesn't need to buy the DCs things just because they want them. He's overcompensating, I suspect.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:16:25

Polter my non-sleep deprived brain knows that, but the stressed out exhausted one is having a hard job calming down. blush

The main reason I want his room done is because he has started getting stressed about the mess himself - to the extent that, bizarrely, he's started hiding things in my room. Last week I could hear a clock ticking in our bedroom - I can't stand the sound of ticking clocks (childhood issue) and dh has tinnitus, so couldn't hear it. I thought I had finally lost the plot, but went around the room checking just in case. grin Found ds1's old alarm clock (doesn't work, but he can't part with it) wound up in my curtains, which were then stuffed behind the radiator. Apparently he put it there because the mess in his room was upsetting him. confused

The problem is, their room is full of old games and toys he can't part with, every cupboard and shelf is heaving with things going right back to his toddler years. If I ask him to give something away, all he can manage is something like a broken piece of a kinder egg toy or something similar. As a result, everything they've been given since last Christmas is homeless and ends up just hanging around in piles on the floor - or under the bed. hmm

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 18:18:44

Trigger, that is not fair or right, he should not be punished like that for being upset.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:19:00

moosemama exactly. But he refused to come out, and I think that's what they're looking at. Personally I think it could have been handled better on their part. I'm still a bit hmm from the other day when he dropped his snack (apple) on the ground and then got upset because they made him throw it away. He apparently had a 45 minute meltdown over it. So I asked the teacher "why didn't you just wash off the apple in water and give it back to him?" I mean seriously. That's what we would have done at home. But she looked surprised - it obviously never crossed her mind. hmm So he got in trouble for the meltdown because "he should have calmed down sooner."

He did really well last year, but I'm struggling with some of their "punishments" this year and I'm wondering if it's an issue with the teacher or what the blazes is going on....

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:19:07

Triggles, it's me that's overcompensated with our dcs. Dh is much stricter in terms of expenditure and gifts. So I only have myself to blame. We have wildly different childhoods and suffice to say mine is at the root of my need to make sure my children never feel less-than their peers.

Daft thing is, I strongly believe 'things' don't matter, people do. Unfortunately I seem to have monumentally failed to engender the same belief in my children. sad

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:19:55

hazeyjane hahahaha "Never do washing up." Love it.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:22:28

"So he got in trouble for a meltdown because he should have calmed down sooner" shock

Do you have an ASD advisory/inclusion teacher that could go in and advise the teachers. It does sound like they are very similar to ds2's teacher this year - overly focussed on punishment rather than trying to get the best out of the kids in the first place.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:22:43

Found ds1's old alarm clock (doesn't work, but he can't part with it) wound up in my curtains, which were then stuffed behind the radiator. Apparently he put it there because the mess in his room was upsetting him.

I had a vision of you ringing police and a bomb squad taking apart your room only to emerge with an alarm clock. grin

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:23:17

moosemama This is a SS, so they're supposed to ALL be well versed in this.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:24:03

I was just shock that they didn't think to just wash the damn apple off and give it back to him. A good lesson about wasting food as well. hmm

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:24:33

grin It was more like me thinking I had finally lost the plot - especially with dh not being able to hear it. I seriously thought I was imagining it at first. blush

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:25:52

They will probably cite Elf and Safety as the reason they couldn't possibly wash and return it. Schools these days seem to use it as an excuse for just about everything. hmm

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 18:26:47

moose I do the same with ds, probably for similar reasons. We've also had the same thing with getting rid of stuff, so agreed we would box up everything he doesn't play with and put it in the loft. We did this about a year ago and since then he has got better and we've got rid of loads of stuff. Similar issue with decorating, but he has now chosen paint for doing his room so once I'm up to it I will do it (although it's a mahusive job so I'm dreading it!)

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 11-Oct-13 18:27:02

I think hot chocolate and hot water bottles needed all round tonight.

Ds has been stuck on the loo all day. He has missed 2 days of school this week. School makes understanding noises but I don't think they really get that just because he is fine in some contexts doesn't mean he will always be fine.
MiL is in hospital. She had a fairly minor operation about a month ago but has since gone downhill quite rapidly. Dh is worried and spending part of the weekends up there. His family tend to be melodramatic about illness so I'm not sure how bad it actually is.

And dd's transport still isn't sorted. They told us at the appeal hearing what the options were so I don't understand why it still hasn't been organised. My cynical head says it's a delaying tactic to save money.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 18:28:20

That doesn't sound good Triggles sad

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 18:29:55

Moose, we have the toy thing as well, I need a bigger house lol. We did get around it by asking ds if we could give some toys to other children who had no toys he agreed in theory sorting out the toys was a different matter though so I bribed him with a new game (now I'm out of pocket to the tune of. £45) still I have space in the conservatory.

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 18:30:40

Sometimes you just have to spell it out for them Triggs.

Hazey poor DS! Windows are my nightmare. DS4 has climbed out of the lounge window and run off before (he was 3 at the time), used to fall asleep often on the window sill on his bedroom and would often scale tall bits of furniture. This is obviously the perfect excuse to get a dishwasher! Hope you both get better soon.

Moose........ Early night and earplugs. winewinewine

zzzzz I'm really into my crocheting now. Ninjagoose inspired me.

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 18:33:16

Just had a big wodge of chocolate cake - thanks for all the birthday wishes on the other threads. Had a very grown up civilised afternoon, even with the professional committee member types who derail everything with the benefit of their wisdom, leaving poor young researchers looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Our heating's going hell for leather, so I bet you are freezing, zzzzz. Hope it's back on, now it's dark. Ours was due to be off all day, yesterday, but we escaped. They probably chickened out of climbing up the utility poles in the wet, freezing wind.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:35:56

Polter, we've always done the 'putting it in the loft' thing, but the loft is actually tiny in this house and we're out of room. He was seriously unable to even entertain the idea before, but I do think he's reached a point where he might not be comfortable with it, but he will survive it and come to appreciate it once it's done.

We will have a deal where he can keep a certain amount, say one box full of things he absolutely can't part with, but the rest has to go. Some of it can go to dd now too, which will make it a little easier for him.

Biggest bugbear is mountains of Ds games and years and years worth of Official Nintendo Magazine and Beano comics. I really want to get binders for the magazines, but they're £10.00 each and we'd need loads.

We need to reorganise his room to fit both beds when they're fully extended and get in a desk he can do his homework at. He has a desk now, but it's in a position where he can't actually sit at it and is used to store the aforementioned piles of magazines and games.

marchduck Fri 11-Oct-13 18:39:17

Hi all, I read more than I post so hope you don't mind me joining in.
So sorry to hear it's been a hard week for some us; and I include myself in that. Normally I am flippin" Pollyanna, trying to see the positive in everything. Nothing big has happened this week, more a series of small drip, drips, drips; which have just made me realise that DD's difficulties are here to stay. I knew that in my head, but not in my heart, until this week.
Anyway, got some Cava chilling so it's not all bad! Hope everyone has a lovely weekend smile

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:40:36

Oo, missed that. HAPPY BIRTHDAY OURYVE! cake flowers

NoHaudin, sorry ds is struggling. Can't believe they haven't got your dd's transport sorted yet. We basically flooded our LA transport people with emails and phonecalls until they sorted it out. Now ds finally has a single driver and a lovely new escort who gets out of the taxi, carries his bag to the front door for him and hands him over to me with a polite chat and a big smile every afternoon - a million miles away from the surly non-speaking, punk teenager we had previously.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 18:41:24

moose ds's room is just full of Really Useful Boxes, thankfully they stay stable even when you stack them really high.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 18:43:35

POsted this on other thread then realised theres a new one.

My AS level was psychology grin the only A I've ever got!

Criminology sounds fascinating.

I started my OU degree in psychology but that and dyslexia did not agree and spent most of my time trying to figure out what the definitions of words meant grin

I'm doing a B(Sc) open degree in maths and education. Current module is equality, inclusion and participation. Felt it important and very close to my heart too which is motivating! says she who's only read the introduction so far!

Now to go and catch up with you all!

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:43:46

wine cake marchduck. Sometimes it just hits you doesn't it.

I often find drip, drip, drip weeks harder than huge crises. I think you go into battle mode for the big stuff and steel yourself against the crap you're going to have to face. Whereas the relentless small stuff just weighs heavier and heavier, making it harder to deal with.


SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 18:44:15

Moose DS1's room is dreadful. Hangs onto everything and tbh I just go through it periodically and clear stuff out. I deal with the meltdowns later. He is nearly 14 and has AS. He is now coming to understand that we don't have room anymore - 5 bedrooms full to bursting as we had a loft conversion done 2 years ago. So no loft. I just grit my teeth and deal with the fallout.
Have you considered a high sleeper with a desk/storage underneath?

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 18:45:30

March I think that once you've truly accepted that, it gets easier to deal with as your expectations have changed. winewine

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:46:27

youarewinning, did you see the maths thread in 'discussion of the day'? I thought I'd got the answer right, but there were so many arguments about it I lost track in the end. blush

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 18:47:42

My computer is being monumentally slow, but once it has uploaded, I will share a video with you that should make you smile smile

DD's Reception class have been looking at 'We're going on a Bear Hunt' as part of their Teddy Bear topic. She's done a story map for her own version and they've suggested that she might like to write the story next week when she's off school. She has told me what she wants to write, completely based on Bear Hunt, but I think, seeing as she's 4, she may have to write a simplified version! But the spoken version was so cute, I will share it with you once it's bloody uploaded to photobucket!

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 18:51:51

Sally, he won't let me change his bed. He's still in the Ikea extending bed he went into age 2 - and it still has the head and footboards up, because he won't let us extend it. (We are extending it this weekend though, whether he likes it or not.)

It makes me sad to see their room in such a state. It was always perfect when they were little. Everything had a labelled storage basket in a cube storage set up and they were both really good at putting things away. We had a one thing out one thing in rule and they both stuck to it without being reminded. It's purely the sheer amount of stuff they have now that makes it impossible. The baskets are still full of their old stuff and I swear some of them haven't been opened for at least two years.

I kind of hoped ds1 would end up having the type of AS that made him want everything organised and labelled, especially with him having OCD tendencies - but no - he is of the opinion that everything has to be left out for him to feel secure. Mind you - then he spends all night scaring himself by worrying about what each shape and shadow is, so the mess has to be in the same position every night at bedtime - or else. hmm

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 18:53:35

Not one to beat around the bush triggles I'm gonna ask outright what the fuck the school are playing at? Punishing an ASD meltdown? It's hardly a newsflash that boys played a bit rough and hardly a newsflash someone with ASD may go into flight mood as a response.

For all you germy people I hope your plaques fly away soon. grin

moose My DS is the same. Likes the chase of things but once here no interest at all. I may have called him a spoilt brat once or twice before blush

marchduck Fri 11-Oct-13 18:53:39

Thank you Moose and Sally - it takes a while for the reality to sink in, doesn't it. Onwards and upwards thanks

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:54:05

oh goodness, I missed that too - HAPPY BIRTHDAY OURYVE!!!! grin

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 18:57:33

youarewinning yes, I agree. I have no issue with them punishing him for the rough play/behaviour - he needs to understand there's a time and place. But I expect them to separate him from this other boy as he seems to be the catalyst IYSWIM. DS1 is very easily led and very easily wound up, and this boy seems to have made it his goal to do this regularly. hmm I am going to arrange a meeting with the teacher and discuss this, and if no joy, then going to speak to the head. I am NOT happy with the way this is being handled.

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 19:03:56

Triggles, they seem to be handling this in a way that's destined to spiral even further out of control. Even refusing to come out has an underlying reason, this this case - partly the one that prompted him to lock himself in, in the first place and partly fear of what would happen now.

DS1 does some quite awful things during a meltdown (he was in a pure rage, yesterday and things were flying at me). Punishing him for those things is always counterproductive because he just can not link punishments to the crime. I did make him tidy up some of his mess, though.

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 19:05:17

We had an issue in DS4's special school the first term, as another child decided to bite chunks out of him. The teacher and the TAs were very vigilant but this boy was fast and sneaky. I witnessed a particularly bad incident myself. Both boys are non verbal ASD. I spoke to the head and she moved my DS to another class and it has been fine ever since for him. So maybe they need to physically separate them Triggles.

SallyBear Fri 11-Oct-13 19:06:16

Ouryve happy birthday lovely!!

SummerRain Fri 11-Oct-13 19:07:21

Ds1 got a prize for the best handwriting today smile the other boy with ADHD came second, bless their teacher she's trying so hard to encourage them He's been in lovely form all day as a result. Although he and ds2 are currently trying to murder each other so I think it's battle station time

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 19:08:08

We're Going on a Bear Hunt is the only book that DS2 has ever let us read to him. He "reads" it himself, sometimes grin

capticorn1 Fri 11-Oct-13 19:08:34

Happy Birthday ouryve cake wine

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 19:09:45

Thanks, Triggles and Sally.

I have wine for later. I had wine, last night, too. You're only 44 once.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:21:34

triggles put it this way. I work in a SS and I'm a behaviour support worker. I had to help hold/restrain a pupil today who was taking an age to move on from activities - obviously having an obsessive day! OK, he's autistic it's allowed! He then ran out of time to do the next thing on his schedule and was less than pleased when told he could do it after lunch and shown it moved on his schedule so tried to decapitate the member of staff! . We held him, removed him to his calm place, when he was calm told play, dinner then activity he wanted. No punishment, what value did it have? He already felt punished by having to wait for what he expected/wanted. Praised for going to play, praised for finishing activity when asked after lunch. Lot's of positive reinforcement for desired response. At end of day when I took him to his bus and said have a nice weekend he gave me a hug. He NEVER does that. grin

Your DS played rough - not great but what lesson have they taught him? That an emotional response is punishable. Not exactly conducsive with everything we try and teach children with an ASD - we spend an age teaching them emotion! Personally I would have said to your DS I understood he was upset and angry, that next time when it's rough play he needs to walk away and seek support from an adult. Told him what I expected and then set out a consequence if it happened again. It would have been an immediate consequence though - something tangable and something he could understand. In a breakfast club it would be the removal of an activity he enjoyed for that session. Removed there and then and then offered next time he went to show it had moved on. Otherwise you risk relationship breakdowns that do no-one any good.

OK, professional head off now.

moose your DS and mine sound so similar. grin He's on waiting list for assessment for ASD and clin pysch suggested AS. The more you type the more I think it don't bode well for the outcome of his assessment. grin He has asked for an Ipad for Christmas. I'm very persuaded as it won't get dumped or forgotton but perhaps obcessed over!. Expensive but I reckon no more expensive than the combined cost of the dumped stuff we have! I am reassured that there is the disorganised and not obcessive about places for things side of AS(D) as I thought that may stand in the way of a dx. He also has OCD type tendencies. Definatly NOT with cleanliness or hygiene but with cars and speed limits etc, and doing things the right way! He cannot understand people will and do please themselves and have their own opinions on things. grin

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:23:42

Ah summer that's brilliant. grin

My DS got a HT award for a piece of writing. Mainly based on the fact it was legible and he'd made a plausible attempt at spellings. I love the fact they award achievement against a childs own abilities not on the age expectations.

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 19:29:27

Thanks, capt grin

Forgot to mention - DS2 has hardly taken his glasses off all week. Fingers crossed that this will persist, once the drops wear off.

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 19:30:54

I agree - DD got 'star of the week' for her class in assembly this morning... for something academic where she's way ahead of her peers? Nope. For 'Fantastic Dancing'! The one thing where she hasn't got a hope of being on a par at the moment!

Video pretty much uploaded then hung, so I had to restart upload angry Is it bad that I plan on tweeting Michael Rosen with it once it has uploaded? If I were an author I'd love to see inspired children!

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 19:31:05

Well done mini-Summer grin

Ds hates reward or praise so the schools newish systems of rewards and assembly praising have been quite de-motivating for him.

Enjoy your evening ouryve wine cake

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 19:32:56

youarewinning if you don't mind, I'll probably use some of that when making notes to speak to them about it. I'm still just frustrated that this punishment is creating lots of chaos for ME, just meltdowns for DS1. He's not learning anything from it. Nothing. (well, nothing positive anyway!!) I was rather short when I said that he'd be late on Monday and Tuesday and that I had better not be getting any grief over him being late. They KNOW I have a fine line transport-wise and have to get another child to school. They had to know that this would cause a lot of hassle for me, especially with such short notice.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:34:15

polter My DS hated verbal praise. I think he just didn't know how to respond. The paper awards seem to work for him. It only lasts as long as the assembly though. Not into coming home and showing me and putting it up for display. I'll get the crumpled version of it at some point. grin

ouryve Hope your having a fab birthday. wine cake

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 19:36:08

youarewinning, I think the thing is that for ds1 obsessiveness is that he wants to keep it messy, as it makes him feel secure to see everything he owns around him. It's part of his routine to check all the shadows (from various piles of crap) around his bedroom look the same every night, so he knows what they are and they can't scare him. Woe betide anyone that moves the piles. Once his cousin came round and left a pop bottle on the cupboard at the end of his bed. Middle of the night - he was screaming at the top of his voice, because he didn't know what the shape was. hmm

I'm trying to get him to understand that if we can put it all away and leave the surfaces clear at night there won't be any blooming shadows, because there won't be any piles. <<sigh>>

His OCD is about health and hygiene, but often applies only to the habits of other people, whereas he can be a proper filthy little beggar. (eg He can cough without covering his mouth, but if anyone else does it it's instant meltdown) When he's stressed he does obsessively hand wash though. Thankfully he's grown out of telling dh what speed to drive at. It was a nightmare in our old car, as it had a built in computer/satnav things in the centre console and he spent the whole time we were out watching it and taking back-seat driving to a whole new level! grin

Unfortunately he's been so full-on at poor old dd about hand-washing that she is now become obsessed with it too. She's even woken in the night panicking that she might have forgotten to use soap when she washed her hands before bed. sad

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 19:36:09

A week of glasses wearing shock well done mini-ouryve

Well done mini-Galena with her dancing grin

I've just realised that dp is upstairs reading ds story like they do every day EXCEPT FRIDAY because Friday is 'Staying Up Night' when ds and dp watch a documentary while I have an hour wallowing in the bath. Fuck! Hoping either they decided to not do staying up or if not that ds doesn't realise because I am not in the mood for a meltdown.

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 19:36:54

DS1 likes being in the Good Book, but doesn't like it if a fuss is made.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:37:37

Use it triggles that's why I posted. Obviously I have to be very wishy washy due to confidentiality but your DS case shocked me and so wanted to show you another approach. (just happened to be today!)

I'm a team teach trainer - do you know what positive handling programme your DS school use? If its TT I can provide any info (off the record wink) to help you and to show them where their actions do not follow positive handling protocol!

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 19:39:45

moosemama would he be willing to put it in specific bins if he likes it around him and organised? Maybe you could get some stackable bins, tell him that one is specifically for rubbish that you will be throwing away, and the rest is for his "stuff." And then encourage him each week to move some of the stuff to the "rubbish" bin?

So hard when they have their specific patterns. It's hard to break DS1's patterns.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 19:40:58

Well done mini-ouryve on a whole week of wearing your glasses.

Well done to everyone with star of the week and similar awards too. Dd filled up her reward caterpillar with stickers yesterday and brought it home to show me this afternoon. She is sooo proud of herself. grin Apparently she'll get a certificate next week for filling it.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:43:46

moose I've regretted buying a car last year with a digital speedometer ever since! When DS was melting down still 8 months later about it not being our old one so why did we change it I think I would have happily got it back it I hadn't scrapped it grin
Oh the shadows, and the noises. That's a whole new thread!
I range between hilarity and hyperventilation with DS and stuff being moved. He touches and moves everything that isn't bolted down. He can never find what he needs as he can't remember where he's put it, but if I move something or put it away he gets upset as he won't know where it is. He thinks he'll know where something is if he just dumps it anywhere he doesn't! but he knows if I've moved something. It's quite astonishing!

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 19:44:20

We tried that with stackable boxes from Ikea Triggles. Took ages to persuade him to try it, a day setting it up and then he just refused to put anything in the boxes.

We need some sort of system, but the reality is, he's so exhausted on school days that making him do anything he finds stressful just becomes too much of an uphill battle and ends up distressing for both of us.

I really think the only thing we can do is empty and reallocate all the storage baskets so everything has a place. I thought I could then make big labels with a photo of what's inside each one, so he can see that it's all still there, without it needing to be on display.

Uh-oh - meltdown in progress upstairs, all three dcs in tears - and dh is up there. <<sigh>>

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 19:45:43

Well done to mini-moose too grin

Crisis averted, all well and no meltdown, a very quick 'goodnight' tonight <phew>

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 19:52:36

yourwinning, we've had the same thing with every car we've ever had. It's taken us years to persuade him that we really do have to get rid of our vw camper. We've had it since before he was born and he just can't comprehend us not having it anymore, but we need to get rid of it, because it needs a full restoration that we simply can't afford. It's either sell it or keep it and watch it rot away to nothing.

Your second paragraph about 'moving stuff' could've been written about my ds! grin

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:54:11

moose how old is your DS? TBH rightly or wrongly I've 'given up' with fighting about things having places in his bedroom (done the labelling etc - a trialled and failed experiment!). He also gets so upset with more pressure after school I've started again with small steps. We are now at putting lunchbox and drinks bottle n the kitchen if he remembers to bring them home!. He literally dumps them on kitchen worktop. Also have a canvas wardrobe shelf thingy in lounge now where his school bags etc go. It means I can make sure it's all packed and he knows where to find it and I put my stuff there too. I'm sure he thinks it's some kinda magic that clean school uniform and a packed bag with lunch and drink end up there daily for him to take to school. grin

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 19:56:28

moose I think we have identical twins grin The headache trying to explain to DS that yes, mechanics can fix cars, yes you can fix any car and make it right again, but at a cost of £600 for a car worth £600 to do it all again the next MOT it's not worth it. but he "loved that car" and the one before that, and before that grin

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 19:56:49

oh dear lord - the digital speedometer. If I could keep DS1 from seeing it, things would be easier when I'm driving. He's either telling me I'm driving too fast or slow (when I'm not) or counting the numbers up and down. Drives me nuts.

moosemama what about those clear shoe boxes - he can see what's in them, so they're technically still "on display"?? (sorry, you've probably already tried that too)

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 20:02:03

triggles grin I get your going 31, it's a 30 limit, slow down, so I take foot off the accelerator, it goes to 26, then he counts up til 30 and I get told - that's fast enough. This is between needing to know exactly why the other drivers just did what they did and should they have done that or why did they do that when they aren't allowed.

I am grateful for radio and a volume control attached to it grin

And thanks for clear boxes idea - I'm looking at trofast for DS and the clear boxes sounds like a fab idea if they fit in trofast.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:02:53

Ours was a mini-meltdown - averted by me ordering him downstairs away from his siblings. Apparently, ds2 had had the audacity to refuse to shut the bedroom door when he told him to. hmm

He's just told me that he's stressed because he's still having friendship problems caused by transport boy. This boy is becoming a big problem for ds, because he's attached himself to him, despite ds not wanting to be friends with him and is constantly in trouble, often serious (eg the other day it was computer hacking, today it was phone theft) and causing fighting amongst other pupils by telling them so and so said such and such etc. So, the result is that no-one will hang around with ds, because they don't want to be anywhere near transport boy and ds is too scared to tell him he doesn't want to hang around with him either. It's very odd, because he's deliberately caused problems between ds and his other friends, not sure if it was intentional - as in to distance him from other friends and get him to be his best friend - or just that he's a boy with an awful lot of problems.

Ds spoke to his head of year and mentor about this boy and they said the boy concerned is already in trouble for a few serious things and that they'd deal with it. They promised he wouldn't be able to attend the same clubs anymore, then let him back into computer club within a week and he terrified ds by putting a trailer for an 18 movie on the computer next to him. Ds is phobic about movies anyway - can't even watch Disney stuff, so this was massive for him. He didn't go to computer club today because of it. sad

I was told the school is very strict about this sort of behaviour and whilst I do understand they are probably dealing with it somehow behind the scenes, I don't know what to do to protect ds in the meantime. I don't want to cause trouble for the other lad - he presumably has ASD as well, given that he's on our LA transport to the same indie school, but at the same time ds needs to know he's being listened to and actually heard.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 20:09:31

youarewinning No idea re TT or not. I'll ask when meeting with them and get back to you on that. THanks.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:10:36

youarewinning - he's 11.

He is exactly the same, thinking his school bag sorts itself out over night and he miraculously has all the right books for the next day in there when he arrives at school. I lost my temper (lack of sleep again) the other day because while I was organising it he was messing about and told him to do it himself. Despite us having a desk file containing clearly labelled folders for Mon - Fri with the right books and home work in, he managed to put in Friday's folder for Wednesday and file Wednesday's under Monday. confused I also have to keep his homework diary and tell him which ones to do each night or he just does none - or the one he likes the sound of best, regardless of which one needs handing in next. I feel like his PA these days.

Same with his uniform. It miraculously appears, clean and laid out in order on the sofa every morning, ready for him to put on.

You're allowed the radio on in the car! shock Ds will only allow us to listen to Christy Moore or the Levellers not that we listen to him which makes every journey fun! grin

Triggles, clear shoe boxes might work for some of it, but we already have this shelving with a combination of baskets, doors and translucent storage boxes in. I'm hoping if I do the label thing we won't have to spend out on new clear storage and the room will look a bit neater without everything literally on display.

Trigglesx Fri 11-Oct-13 20:10:55

youarewinning yep - that's the same thing re the speedometer that I get. Constantly. Well, between him calling out each and every make of car we drive by. lol

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:14:09

Triggles - it used to be number plates that got called out in our car. Fortunately he seems to have forgotten about that ... for now.

Same thing here with the speedo and with the satnav we had constant directions on top. "Left turn coming up Dad, third exit at the roundabout Dad - DAD you went the wrong way!" "No ds I know a shorter route." "But the satnav says you have to go that way!" <<Moose seriously considers jumping from a moving vehicle>> grin

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 20:19:51

FINALLY! We're going on a cat hunt, we're going to catch a meowy one!

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:34:09

Galena! You're dd is absolutely gorgeous and so clever. grin I am more delighted by her every time you are kind enough to share a video with us.

Definitely send it to Michael Rosen - he'll love it! grin

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 20:35:18

Have tweeted him... Waiting for a response though smile

And yes, she's cute until she starts throwing a major tantrum about nothing. grin

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:37:29

Ds1 has just lost it again. Apparently they release Pokemon X and Y tomorrow and despite saving up for it, he failed to tell us and we hadn't pre-ordered it.

Disaster averted. Dh has come home and announced he isn't working tomorrow after all and our local Argos had the game in stock - so ds will go to the ball have the shiny new Pokemon game to show off at Pokemon League tomorrow afternoon after all.

See, I can't help myself. I couldn't make him wait and get distressed about it. I jumped straight onto Google and fixed it for him. I have no hope of bringing my children up to be anything other than spoiled do I?

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:38:55

My dd is the same age and also super cute ... until she has a tantrum - like the one about missing the birthday party earlier this evening. hmm grin

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 20:41:13

Yep - she'd have a similar tantrum.

And moose, don't stress about sorting the game for DS. If he'd been unable to have it you wouldn't have paid over the odds for it, etc. But you were able to sort it, so you did. I'd have done the same.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 20:43:03

oh the car naming grin We (well he) has the same repitoire of conversation. Look a black and white mini and the number on the roads is our current one. We've moved on from what car I like best and being told I'm wrong because the other one is better grin

moose Its sssooooooooo frustrating isn't it. I find the more I organise and get it in place the more annoyed I get when DS cocks it up! I love the deck drawer idea - he's juniors atm so same stuff daily except homework on a Monday (which I pack so it's not left on the floor, in his bed, in the wardrobe, in the school uniform drawer!). I'm working on more developed visual timetables with more detail and think a tidier for each and the things in it may be worth a go. My DS is 9yo.

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 20:43:56

Thank you. smile

To be fair, he had saved up all his pocket and holiday money to buy it and I had said we'd pre-order it. He just didn't tell me when it was coming out. So I was only fulfilling my end of the deal really.

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 20:49:52

Galena she is amazing grin DS just watched her with me. I said she'd written the story based on We're going on a bear hunt and he said "wow, she's really good. I can't write like that and she's tiny" grin

He's right, he can't! He he!

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 20:51:23

moose I'd sort stuff for my DS like that - afterall he's saved for it. My friends with nt children would do the same.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 20:57:29

moose you're not spoiling him, his life is hard, more hard than a child's life should be, same for all our children, if there are things we can do, getting bags ready, checking Argos, whatever, it makes their lives that bit easier and less fraught. I have no doubt that with you as his mum he will grow up fine. And we often can't fix the big things, but fixing what is in our power makes us feel better, which is ok, it really is flowers

ouryve Fri 11-Oct-13 21:01:26

Sodding shitting crappy sodding snails pace Internet can't cope with your video, Galena sad

moosemama Fri 11-Oct-13 21:01:31

Thank you Polter. That's kind of where I've been coming from for all these years, but am starting to question myself, especially when all three dcs seem so grabby just at the moment.

I guess I'm just knackered and overthinking things at the moment.

So relieved dh isn't working this weekend now. It means I might actually feel human again by Monday. (Apparently his boss's ds started throwing up at Nursery today, so all of a sudden he didn't want to work the weekend.)

Galena Fri 11-Oct-13 21:10:59

sorry ouryve sad

youarewinning Fri 11-Oct-13 21:14:58

Well put polter

Handywoman Fri 11-Oct-13 22:02:44

Well hello all <flops heavily on sofa>
Haven't read thru this thread but just checking in. dd2 has Ed Psych cognitive assessment in Mon and her appt with NHS for ADOS/3di at CDC at last on Nov13.
Finally we are getting somewhere out of limbo (hopefully). At least they have four years of reports to go on.
dd2 came out with another classic this evening. While we were out dd2 asked me to pop into a shop and get her a drink of lemonade. She said I feel: 'Offered' ie if someone offered it I would say yes so she didn't 'fancy it' she felt 'offered'! Crazy girl.
Have flopped with a glass of wine. Am working this weekend but happy Friday everyone.

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 11-Oct-13 22:35:13

Moose Ds's room is a mess too and his stuff overflows the whole house. He has to have outgrown things for about 10 years before he will consider getting rid of it. Even things I probably could get rid of now are still around because if I'm not totally shattered, I'm at a meeting or an appointment.

Ds actually calls me his executive secretary - and I certainly am. I am under a certain amount of pressure from the parent support worker to get him to do more for himself so your words are very reassuring Polter. He is actually capable of getting a drink and a snack for himself but when he comes home from school he has absolutely had enough and can't really do anything but flop. He actually recognises that himself now which is progress even if non parent professionals can't see it.

PolterGoose Fri 11-Oct-13 22:53:09

Glad to be reassuring NoHaudin but I am just another mother, and it's just my view based in my experience. What I do think though is that when we parent children with developmental conditions we need to forget the typical chronology in terms of education and the path to independence, it's too easy to get stuck thinking this set of awards/exams at 16 then this lot at 18 then move away to college/university/whatever, I think it adds a lot of pressure to expect our children to follow this path.

Maybe because my forays into higher education have been later than usual and accessed through unconventional means, but I don't see an issue with being a 'late bloomer', and I do believe that this striving to be independent by 18 is an unnecessary burden on us and our children. Interestingly child psychologists now treat up to 25yo's, see here, that seems more realistic to me for my ds, especially thinking of the social and emotional age as two thirds chronological age thing.

youarewinning Sat 12-Oct-13 08:58:43

Thankyou polter I recently posted about how I've almost gone backwards with DS in terms of what I expect him to do - after he spent a weekend with my parents and my Ddad actually said to me you can see the anxiety in his face the minute you put pressure on him to complete a task. He told me to stop treating him like a 9 yo as he's really only about 6!

So now he has his 2 quick jobs straight from school (bag and lunchbox away!) and his 1 job on a Sunday (stripping bed which he loves for some strange reason!) - we have halved the tears and meltdowns.

I had real trouble when filling out DLA forms because of this - the what can he do V's the what do I have to do for him to keep him in a calm state psychologically. In the end I put he can do X, he needs help with y whilst doing X, there is Z consequence if I expect him to do X so therefore have to do it for him most of the time to prevent Z. iyswim? grin

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 09:51:11

sigh... how do you send an already stressed out and upset child over the edge? His dad calls and says he can't come for his scheduled visit. Yep. Great. DS1 is now shot for the day. So much for me getting ANYTHING done, not to mention I hate seeing him so upset. DD is coming over this afternoon to babysit while I take DS2 to a birthday party. Hopefully that will cheer him up a bit and distract him. grrrrrrr

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 09:54:54

oh, and so as not to drip feed, H says he has diarrhea, since last night. Since he gets this off and on, you'd think he would keep medication on hand, but no. And even if he has it, he won't take it. Until someone pushes him to take it. Cuz it's apparently better to be able to whinge about it for ages without actually taking anything to make it better. hmm Can you tell this is an ongoing issue? If he'd taken something for it last night, he'd be fine today. And I will point out, perhaps unreasonably, that I STILL have to take care of my responsibilities for the DCs when I'm ill. hmm I'm just about ready to go back to bed here. Oh wait, I can't.....

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 11:13:41

Triggles sending virtual fortification brew cake and wine for later flowers

NoHaudinMaWheest Sat 12-Oct-13 11:33:03

Triggles more brew cake sounds like you are going to need it.

Dh has gone off to visit his mother so although I am exhausted (tough day with ds yesterday) I can't go back to bed. At least mine are able to entertain themselves though.

Polter it is encouraging that other mothers have found the same thing and it is not just me being soft. And the independence coming later thing is spot on. Ds does now sort out his own school things but that has only just come this year when he is doing the subjects he likes and knows what is expected. I didn't really work on it as such. It just came as it did with NT dd only much later.

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 11:38:47

Thanks. I texted EH to tell him there was a major incident at DS1's school yesterday and he didn't even bother to respond. Nice to know where his priorities are. angry

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 11:48:18

Triggles this is why you're not with him, more brew cake?

NoHaudin brew and cake for you too. I too think the independence comes when they're ready, I still have to carry ds's bags to school, but over the past year we've progressed from me going into class and handing him individual stuff to put in the right places to now I say goodbye at the cloakroom door and hand him his bag and he does it himself. My hope is by the end of the school year he can carry his bags from the car to the school.

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 11:55:27

Polter yes, of course, you're right. He's been making noise lately about wanting us to get back together (agreed on my terms) and that he wanted me to see he was making an effort. Not seeing it right now tbh. hmm As it is, when he visits I have to redirect him to the DCs as he just kind of is "there" as opposed to actively playing with them.

Hugely behind on the thread.

Happy birthday for yesterday, ouryve,

Sorry to hear that transport boy is still an issue, moose and good luck on the bedroom reorganisation!

Waves at polter and NoHaudin

youarewinning some great advice there!

Hello Capticorn

HandyWoman 'offered?' grin

Triggles If it's any comfort it was DS2's birthday last Sunday and exH forgot to ring him. He emailed me the next morning to say he'd forgotton that it was the 6th on Sunday and to ask me to tell DS2 he'd apologise to him on Thursday and make sure his 'second birthday' with him (this weekend) was lots of fun! hmm

I cannot imagine forgetting my child's birthday, not until I'm senile at least and even then not bothering to ring once he had remembered. ExH has recently got engaged to the OW and has set a date for a wedding in Feb which means a 2 week honeymoon when I'm just expected to cover his weekend with his boys. Of course I'm actually really happy to have them for longer, but it's the assumption that irritates.

So, anyway, his own DC are low on his list of priorities these days.

Oops, forgot, Galena lovely video of your DD! smile

Right, I'm off to visit my mum so out of Internet range for hours... <gulp>

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 13:28:37

Was thinking, until I got to the last line of your post Triggles that neither you, nor any of the rest of us, get to avoid looking after kids when we're poorly. Hope your H's squits are good, acidic, hot ones that last him all week.

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 13:33:19

Today has been quite calm, so far. Took the boys aorund the Metrocentre, this morning and got in and out with no meltdowns, though DS1 disappeared into a photobooth while DS2 was admiring one of the many decorated elephants they have around the malls, at the moment, giving DH a brief panic.

Need to pop into town, later, to get DS2 fitted for replacements for the glasses he broke. It's his cute Shrek ones.

DH is having a snooze on the sofa, for now. He's been up since 5am. Not one of DS2's worse mornngs, but still enough to leave him flagging, in the afternoons. I don't thikn he's going to stay there for long, mind, since DS1's just snuggled up to him. Not exactly relaxing.

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 13:45:33

I'm still in my pjs wandering around the house feeling miserable. Sinus pain drives me mad... I need to muster the energy to go to the shops soon, we've no food and apparently dp is incapable of doing it, or even coming with me so I don't have to drive in this state hmm

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 15:05:08

Your dp needs a stick of dynamite up his arse, Summer sad

Takeaway for you and kids. you don't have the energy to order it for him.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 15:18:39

ouryve grin (she's right Summer)

Very lazy day here, I'm working through my papers/magazine pile for light reading, ds has mostly been couch potatoing, dp has done shopping smile

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 15:52:05

Homey day here. Dh is trying to get the aga to light. This sounds posh but is more ....erm basic. You know those "lets live on a farm several hundred years ago" documentaries? Well lets just say not all of it is exactly unusual in castle zzzzz. It's ancient but very reliable once it's going and you are back in the riddling stoking routine, but the first few days are quite sooty and smelly.

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 16:58:42

ouryve hahahahaha that was funny. I'd hope that too, but then he wouldn't be available to do his part for school runs this week, so hopefully it's better soon. It will only upset the DCs otherwise.

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 16:59:13

Same with the open fire, lovely when we get it going but some days it can be a right bugger to light... Not helped by our lack of anywhere dry outside to store the coal. I'll tolerate the wood piled in the hall but even I draw the line at coal stored inside the house.

I survived town, oven pizza for tonight, painkillers and sinutab for me although I hacked and babbled at the pharmacist so much he asked me if I needed a sit down blush and fuel for the fire because fuckit I need to be warm tonight.

Dp and I will be having words about his attitude in general once I'm over this bug, he's taking the piss lately but I've been waiting til my exams are done because it will end up being a blazing row and I couldn't face it while studying.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 17:11:30

Am a tad envy at the Agas and open fires, my woodburner still has its 'Danger' sticker from when the chimney sweep came sad

Trigglesx Sat 12-Oct-13 17:23:48

Oh Summer I love having a fire in the fireplace, but hate the cold drafts that come down the fireplace all the other times, and the mess and the cleanup. And of course, no fires while the DCs are awake, and to make sure it's completely out before going to bed (again due to DCs).

It's just too much work sometimes.

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 17:49:45

I keep the coal under the kitchen sink in three hoppers. Probably totally unhygienic but I don't care. We have wood burner and open fires too. It's bloody cold in Devon sometimes! But yes it all takes quite a lot of heaving and sweeping.

polt what on earth is wrong with your wood burner? They are usually pretty indestructible. Is it the chimney? I know you told me but my pre-sick memory is a bit dodgey.

Shamefully the house smells better all smokey than before! grin blush

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 17:50:10

No choice for us really, just having the oil heating on 4 hours a day costs us over €200 a month and the electric heaters are even worse. The fire drives me mad with the mess, and the amount of heat we lose up the chimney but we need it for warmth... The joys of country living grin

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 17:51:33

Nb fix cold drafts when not using chimney by stuffing bin bag with paper and shoving it in the chimney. Warning always remove before lighting the fire and only shove up when chimney is cold.

Galena Sat 12-Oct-13 17:53:27

Can I have a whinge? I am being totally unreasonable, you understand, and I know that, but I just need to whinge. Sorry it's long.

DH text me in the week from work to tell me his team were going out for a meal that evening and asking if he could go and also asking if he could go out for a drink with his boss this weekend. I also said yes.

So today he checked I was happy for him to go because I'm poorly and coughing and I said yes - on the proviso he came home early enough to give DD her dinner and put her to bed. So he said he'd leave at 4.

By 4:30 I hadn't heard from him as to whether he was on his way home so I text to ask if I needed to organise her dinner (she eats at 5 usually) and he said no, he was on his way. He sauntered through the door just before 5, sorted her dinner and was a bit surprised to see it was nearly 5:15. His watch was nearly 15 minutes slow so he thought it was 5. He asked me if I wanted him to run my bath and I said no - I'd run it when I was ready. He offered to go and start it running so I could go up when I was ready and turn it off. I repeated that no, I would run it when I was ready.

His boss phoned to see if he had got home ok, and 3 times he said 'I buggered up with my watch' with DD behind him. If she comes out with that I'll get cross!

He then came into the living room again and asked if I wanted him to run my bath at which point I snapped 'No, just like the last 2 times you asked, I'll run it when I'm ready!'


I know, he's trying to look after me, but honestly, I almost wish he'd gone out till later so I could have had a quiet evening!

And... breathe.

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 17:55:19

Zzzzz, we have no storage at all so my under sink cupboard and utility room cupboards are filled with stuff that should by rights live in a shed.

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 18:03:05

My life is full of stuff that should be in the shed. grin

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 18:08:14


I do dream of a house with storage though, I get really envy in other people's houses which have adequate storage. I live surrounded by boxes of junk and teetering piles of crap.

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 18:09:23

Our lawnmower lives in the under stairs cupboard ffs hmm

Ilisten2theradio Sat 12-Oct-13 18:12:20

Hello everyone. I had a swift glass of wine last night with DS's friends mum when she came to collect him and it knocked me right out so I have just caught up - reading this all in one go so forgive me if I forget anyone.
Oovrye - belated happy birthday
Trigglesx I think the school are being totally unreasonable and that they should alter their punishment.
Moose - I'm sorry to hear that you are still having troubles with transport boy - and yes for peace I too would have sorted out the Pokemon game.
Galena I hope you feel better soon,
and that those who are cold get warmed up. I really wish we had an open fire but it would have to be smokeless fuel where we are and much as I want to open up one of the old original fireplaces we have not got around to it yet. It needs to be done in the summer too.

I have had a busy week. We had a crap start to yesterday morning with trying to sort out ingredients for DS's cooking lesson. He had come back to me and told me he was making "vegan"thai fishcakes ( DS has a list of allergies) and originally told me the teacher was suppling the thai paste ( it normally has fish sauce in it!) . Just before school he tells me she is not and so we scrabble around on the internet and I cobble together something that might approximate it with the ingredients in the house!
Later I get an e-mail from the teacher telling me he has had a bad lesson as some "helpful"other child flipped his "fishcakes" with a fishy-eggy fish slice. Cue meltdown!
We have had some e-mail correspondence which finally left me sending her one to tell her that I don't feel its my place to have to work out what to send in and she should be giving me a proper recipe in advance. I said things like "surely you should be doing this as a matter of course when you are planning to make reasonable adjustments for safeguarding allergic children in your classes" etc. I am waiting to see what blows up on Monday. I know its not huge compared to some things you all deal with but it really peas me off that they can't be bothered to do this sort of thing and expect the parent to.
Anyway DS had a difficult day after this and ended up having a physical fight with his (also AS ) friend last night here! and so I had to deal with upset indignant( rightly so) friend too who thought that DS's apology didn't sound sincere enough! Thank heavens the mum is understanding!

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 18:20:22

Ilisten wine

Galena flowers

zzzzz woodburner is a combination of poor fitting and old lime mortar and sandstone chimney, and evidence of recent slow burn chimney fires when the sweep came. Since moving here we also had the electrics and boiler 'condemned', it's a money pit of a house. Even the log store has collapsed, but ds insists we keep it as it has some rare spiders in it!

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 18:21:52

Summer we lack storage too, hence our spare room is a glorified cupboard. Our garage leaks and has vegetation growing inside, our shed leaks, our cellar is spooky and damp...

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 18:30:48

Eeeek polt can they spray something on the inside?

IListen can't they just give you a list for the whole term?

Galena don't kill him, however maddening he is trying.

I have a storage issue too. I am not that tidy but Dh is beyond messy. It is exhausting trying to keep up with it all. Luckily I have no friends so can basically be as filthy as I like....every cloud and all that. grin

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 18:37:34

zzzzz it needs lining and properly installing, will cost over £1000 which we can't justify when there are more important jobs to do sad

I'm a hoarder so all most of the clutter here is mine.

Galena Sat 12-Oct-13 18:38:43

Ok, I could send him to you - he's a messy bugger too!

I'm dreadful too though so our house is a midden! blush

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 18:43:42

We need new windows.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 18:46:21

We're alright for windows, the previous owners actually did them almost properly hmm

Ilisten2theradio Sat 12-Oct-13 18:47:28

Zzzzz there is a website with recipies.The teacher repeatedly sends me to it and I repeatedly ask for suggestions to change recipies. Nearly every bloody one has something in it that DS is allergic to - mostly egg and fish this year! So far we have swapped the ingredients at will however I thought best but fishcakes had me stumped. It annoys me that the teacher hasn't considered what is on this list - its the same website I was sent to as last year's although it is a different teacher. It just proves that they can't be bothered to look at it and consider what to do with the kids who do have allergies. Of course the SN's and high anxiety level don't help either.
Perhaps after yesterday she will think again as DS walked out of her class after the other child ruined his food for him.( personally I think he did well to use a coping strategy and not have a meltdown)

Poulterfear of that expensive relining is what puts me off opening up any of our chimneys.

hazeyjane Sat 12-Oct-13 18:47:47

I miss our old woodburnersad When we moved in here, the college (which dh works for and who own our house) did the place up, which was great, but bricked in all the lovely old fireplacesshock, we were gutted. We have to make do with building a fire at the end of the garden!

I am sat wrapped up with blankets, and a sleeping ds (he is too hot waterbottle like to put to bed), feeling like crap, temperature, burning chest urgh.

Dh has been working today, so it has been a looooooong day.

hazeyjane Sat 12-Oct-13 18:50:04

Luckily I have no friends

shock hey, we're your friends! Although the virtue of us being here is that you could live in a hobbit hole and we would be none the wiser!

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 18:50:58

If the aga stays alight tomorrow I am going to try and transform piles of grapes (too pippy to be nice) into grape jelly (ie jam). The children are revolted but I am going to make them like it because I have found an old bag of preserveing sugar and so it will be free .

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 18:52:37

zzzzz shock what's happened?

I mean, we need new windows, but not in a sense that can't wait. (Heck, it's already waited long enough and the water feature cased by the boys' knackered window is a little bit entertaining. We just have to not kick the kitchen wall, so it doesn't all fall apart)

Ilisten2theradio Sat 12-Oct-13 18:53:46

Grape jelly sounds good. Once turned into jam most friut is though and so you can get the kids to eat it as its mainly just supersweet stuff smile

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 18:55:50

Yes you are my friends. grin

I suddenly realise I could have pretended I was living in Grand Design style luxury, and perfect housewifey wonder.

Damn another opportunity lost. grin

hazeyjane Sat 12-Oct-13 19:18:06

If anyone would like an instant smile, please look at the top photo on my profile. It is dd1's design for a new monument for our town, personally I think it would be a big hit!

Ilisten2theradio Sat 12-Oct-13 19:21:45

Hazey grin.
It reminds me of work where when they are fed up they say that they just want rainbows and unicorns.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 19:24:01

hazey that's an amazing drawing, love it, wow grin

I have no idea how to do profile and pictures confused can you do it from an iPhone?

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 19:29:22

It's lovely hazey.

I have real problems with photos on here. Mine always just replace the one before. Annoying because I so want to post all our fabtastic schooly stuff. Grrrrr

hazeyjane Sat 12-Oct-13 19:59:08

that's wierd, because that has just happened to me, zzzzz, but it is the first time it has happened.

Just looking at holiday cottages in the Devon area, just for a few days over half term, and trying to work out whether ds could cope with the journey.

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 20:00:05

Have any of you been watching the fly on the wall doc about OCD on bbc3?

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 20:04:53

Zzzzz, I have no friends either but an additional unfotunate side effect of the pta bitch debacle is that people have been 'popping in' all bloody week. I could grow potatoes on my kitchen floor its so filthy and the teetering piles of crap are developing their own gravitational fields so thats been embarrassing to say the least.

One woman started absent mindedly tidying my kitchen while she was standing there talking blush

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 20:15:41

My mother says being chaotic and messy is very kind because everyone gets to feel superior.....she fails to realise that I don't actually want to be kind and inferior. hmm

hazey in careful there's a lot of geese (okay about 4) in these ere parts.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 20:53:09

Ooh hazey yes, lots of geese round 'ere

youarewinning Sat 12-Oct-13 21:17:20

hazey that design is fab - she's a talented artist. smile

Well we've had a mixed afternoon. Lunch (mid afternoon!) out with friends, DS pretty good and amuses me when he's loud and I remind him quiet voice - so he whispers for 10 seconds before it creeps up again grin
Back to friends house and they had people call to play out. DS said no thanks and played alone in the house. The others wanted to go to park along road and he said no. Then friend said they had half hour and to be back at 6pm and suddenly DS said "I will go". Friend was confused until I laughed and said it's because there's a time on it and an end he can see!
Then they came back and they played minecraft on phones Ipads etc so DS was happy. Suddenly DS came flying down the stairs fuming - because one girl wouldn't stand still so he could get into the world. OK, not the end of the world but she does know it will wind him up and there's no need to wind each other up at 8,9,10 yo anyway. So I tell him he has to learn to just go into another one and not make a fuss yep hell will freeze over then! and distract him playing with their kitten.
All would be fine and I actually just let this slide but my friends DD really made me cross with what she said.
Her mum (my friend) told her to let DS in the world. She said "I was, I was only moving no big deal, it's not my fault he goes completely mental and stamps around so angrily." I was about to say something to her when DS said ever so politely "thankyou for staying still so I can get into the world".

Then I'm torn between being elated he's calmed so quick and being so polite and wanting to tell the other child to watch what she's says. Sadly her and DS get on so well in many ways but because she's extremely confident with amazing vocal skills that she's not afraid to use and can use well to make her always look good even when she's being nasty she can make DS actions look unnecessary. <sigh>

Have to say all in all he was great. A few meltdowns but nothing major.

PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 21:32:15

It sounds like he coped amazingly well youare

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 21:34:46

Good boy.

gussiegrips Sat 12-Oct-13 21:46:41

<waving shyly>

Middleykid has asthma. Have been on the asthma board - but, frankly, our circumstances will freak them out, and so I'm here, hoping to be a better fit.

I've been told this week that wheezybreeks has special needs because of his asthma, and had someone whowasverywellintentioned referred to me as his "carer" instead of his "mum".


I'll probably lurk for a bit - I remain resistant to the notion that he has special needs. Despite three lifethreatening admissions in the last 12 months, and him about to start the "feck, it's worth a shot" medication.


PolterGoose Sat 12-Oct-13 22:09:40

<waves back>

Hi gussie I'm sure you'll fit in fine here grin

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 22:11:01

zzzzz not only do I live really oop North (as Southern Freshers were heard calling it, today), I live in a 2 up 2 down terrace on a steep hill. No pretence of luxury, here (though the house was cheap and is paid for, as a result!)

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 22:12:41

Hazey - that's better than that bloody angel (all that's any good for is navigation)

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 22:18:55

DS2's glasses got fixed there and then, this afternoon. Just as well, because he was resistant to any attempts to measure him for new lenses and DS1 was deliberately being an annoying little git bored, refusing to sit down and into everything. Also just as well because we got him out of the car and realised he was bare faced. Couldn't find the glasses he'd been wearing anywhere in the car or at home - then eventually found the case and discovered he'd carefully taken them off and put them away, before leaving the house!

ouryve Sat 12-Oct-13 22:20:20

Hi gussie.

Whatever the reasons, it's always a shock to discover that to others, our normality, which is just getting on with it, whatever "it" throws at us, has a name, to other people. flowerswine

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 22:22:23

Hi gussie smile

It's difficult coming to the realisation that your child has SN, we've all been there and understand. Whenever you feel ready there's a huge amount of support here, take your time to process this new information but if I could just offer you one bit of advice it would be to focus on this one fact; The label hasn't changed anything. Your life is exactly the same as before the words 'special needs' were uttered. Your son is the same wonderful brave child he was last week, you're still the same loving, caring mother. The words are a shock to hear for the first time but they haven't changed anything. You were already dealing with all of the difficulties and challenges of his SN, you just weren't calling them SN yet.

gussiegrips Sat 12-Oct-13 22:30:34

summer I'm meant to be lurking. You made me cry. You cheater!

gussiegrips Sat 12-Oct-13 22:31:27

and, hi to the others, too.

SummerRain Sat 12-Oct-13 22:34:58

A good cry is no bad thing, you have a lot to process right now and I've certainly found a good sob quite cathartic in the last few years as I've had to come to similar realizations about my boys.

Welcome smile

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 22:59:49

Hi gussie. Dd3 is either fine and pooling along on her meds o blu lighting to HDU with seizures. It's very indigestible. Welcome. I do not identify as "carer", I'm a mother.

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 23:12:30

Pootleing .... Oh and I'm the one who can't type. blush

NoHaudinMaWheest Sat 12-Oct-13 23:16:59

Hi gussie glad you found us. We are only 'carers' when it it necessary to get something out of the professionals.

gussiegrips Sat 12-Oct-13 23:35:17

That's actually good to hear, that this bleating from me is familiar territory to you. I feel a bit like the monkey in that book by the gruffalo woman "I've lost my role"...

Zzzzz - yep, that's us. Either totally fine, or totally terrifying. It's the unpredictability that makes it tricky - and, I guess, what I've been using to fuel my denial.

ANd, that also means we fall between services - he's not in for long enough for the hospital education/social worker etc to kick in, but he's missed half his education last winter so we're on the education welfare officer's radar - but, that was presented as "you need to get him into school" Happily, the school is now being supportive and the hospital are going to do some training with the school, which is brilliant.

He can walk, crikey, he's the "fast" kid when he's well, so, it is fraudulent to say that he has any sort of limitations at all. And, then, the next day, he nearly dies. Again. Ugh.

I've been coping fine, taking each episode as it's come - but, actually, it's grim. It's a relief to find folk who "get it", thanks, Haudin for sending me here.

zzzzz Sat 12-Oct-13 23:48:58

For me it's hard to really focus on how grim it is while simultaneously thanking God with every fibre that they made it this time.

I'm off to bed, but I really do get it, and "grim" is a good descriptor. Settle in, I find this place very helpful.

gussiegrips Sat 12-Oct-13 23:59:21

Gawsh, you're supposed to be letting me lurk...zzzz - "this time" <shudder>.

I now think of Wheezybreeks as a temporary fixture of our family. Just incase.


There's something you don't chat about at the school gate.

Hey ho, I'm following you to bed. Well, not following you. We've only just met. Erm. Now I feel awkward. Buggrit, you know what I mean.

Galena Sun 13-Oct-13 07:24:04

Hi gussie, sounds like you'll fit right in here! But if you want I'll pretend I can't see you so you can lurk...? grin

gussiegrips Sun 13-Oct-13 08:29:29

Nah, I'm kidding myself on about lurking. Can you tell I'm a bit gobby?

Am tired. I just feel worn out. But, there's nothing to be done but Get Oan Wi It.

It's pathetic, really, I have so much to be grateful for (not least of which is having free care at the point of need) - but, I'd like for someone to come and give me a cup of tea, a cuddle and do some fecking wet dusting. Sigh.

Galena Sun 13-Oct-13 09:20:15

brew cake [sod the dusting!]

I know what you mean. See, we're lucky with DD. She has a physical disability and it's not life-threatening. We have to do physio with her, we've chosen to put her through an op (in 9 days! Argh!) which will increase the amount of work we need to do, but that's all. She's just a wonky walker.

But when she goes to school, I sit. I don't clean, I don't dust, I don't do anything much really because we've had to live with it for the whole of her life and I want a chance to sit and be me again.

hazeyjane Sun 13-Oct-13 10:10:23

Hello Gussie, glad you have found the Goose and Carrot.

We are an asthma-y family, dh and I and dds (7 and 6) have it, dd2 being the worst as she seems to flare up at random times (guinea pigs and dust have been triggers) and with exercise - it is nowhere near as bad as you describe though.

Ironically ds (3 with sn) is the only one without asthma, but has the worst chest, due to aspiration and reflux. He was in nicu on cpap when he was born, as he was unable to breathe or feed, and has been hospitalised several times with chest infections and pneumonia. We do twice daily chest physio and he is on thickened liquids, reflux and drooling meds and prophylactic antibiotics.

When it comes to DLA, make sure you look into the bit about hospital stays - I know that for stays over a certain length, they stop DLA payments.

Today I am bringing lemon cake and coffee to the party (dh made the lemon cake with dds yesterday - it is mmmmmmmmm).

If we make it down to Devon (we are looking at a cottage in Totnes atm) I might have to honk loudly and waft chocolate cake to try and attract some geese - I would love to say hello in person.

BTW, Gussie - if you are wondering what all the geese and honking is about here.

SallyBear Sun 13-Oct-13 11:09:45

Hi Gussie. Loads of experience with chesty issues here. DD has respiratory issues from birth due a multitude of reasons but mainly due to her genetic condition. She has about and 82% attendance rate at school. It is what it is. We manage the best we can, and quite frankly she copes admirably with her disabilities in MS Secondary school.

She has had two tracheostomies, two jaw distractions, one jaw reconstruction, several cleft palate surgeries plus gastrostomy surgeries and also has had pneumonia several times and been hospitalised with it us exercised induced asthma, a partially collapsed lung and bronchiectasis.

She's amazing. grin

FrussoNeedsGin Sun 13-Oct-13 12:47:41

Morning in a&e and children's ward and emergency theatre. Gee thanks dd. <yawn>

Galena Sun 13-Oct-13 12:48:20

oh dear, frusso! What happened?

SallyBear Sun 13-Oct-13 12:52:17

Oh no! What happened to your DD? Did she fall and break something, or swallow something?

ouryve Sun 13-Oct-13 12:52:33

Oh dear, Frusso sad

(There goes my Sunday lurking to distract myself from obsessional ranty boy)

childrendriveumad Sun 13-Oct-13 12:57:31

morning afternoon! smile

Have just found you after some googling and surfing.
Two kids, DD (10 - gorgeous and 'normal') and DS (7 - SPD) our issues are always behavioural and his behaviour yesterday is what has driven me here for some like minded ranting and general aaaarrrggghhh!!!

FrussoNeedsGin Sun 13-Oct-13 13:04:37

In going to seriously out myself by saying 4 words: sewing machine needle finger. <boak> and when I left it last night it was unplugged in two places and switched off screaming child does not make a good alarm clock.

SummerRain Sun 13-Oct-13 13:12:14

Ouch shock How bad is the damage?

PolterGoose Sun 13-Oct-13 13:24:31

Oh dear Frusso hope it's all sorted soon flowers

Welcome children smile my ds has SPD as well as his Aspergers, tbh the sensory stuff is the worst, far harder to 'manage' than the social/communication/obsessive stuff.

But on a brighter note, I've got a pear cake in the oven cake

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Sun 13-Oct-13 13:32:52

Hi Gussie. Welcome. I haven't got into the rhythm of posting much yet but I'm finding this thread/board very helpful in coming to terms with ds1 recent diagnosis (asd and possible adhd - ongoing assessment) and chatting or mostly lurking with people who 'get it' is very helpful.

FrussoNeedsGin Sun 13-Oct-13 13:43:23

Missed the bone. Came out easily. Hopefully no nerve/blood vessel/nailbed damage. Time will tell. She's was very brave and didn't cry initial scream was because she was stuck and was calm and still whilst we were waiting for theatre.
She is now growling at me for "turrr" (toast).

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Sun 13-Oct-13 14:03:13

hazey - love dd's design for the town monument smile

OUCH frusso - poor dd, hope it heals ok

Welcome children

Quiet morning here. ds1 and ds2 playing with dh on the x-box, ds3(4 months) having a long sleep recovering from a nasty cold - now if only my jam would set.......

Trigglesx Sun 13-Oct-13 14:48:57

ooooh Frusso ouch!!

We had DS2 at a birthday party yesterday and they had a fog machine running - so thick we had to leave early as I was worried DS2 was going to have an asthma attack. You could barely see! Who does that at a party with 20+ 4-7yos?? hmm I had a horrible headache all evening from it.

youarewinning Sun 13-Oct-13 15:41:29

Ohhh frusso the poor girl (and you!). Hope she's OK now.

Hope everyone elses day has been OK.

DS and I went swimming and did Tesco on the way home. I did get cross with him in the car blush He hadn't really actually done anything wrong but he just cannot follow instruction or conversation and when I need him to listen and answer I get so frustrated.
I really must exercise more patience blush

PolterGoose Sun 13-Oct-13 18:06:28

Another anti-inclusion thread here if anyone is up for it, don't click if you're feeling fragile, do click if you want to kick arse. There seem to be more of these threads since This is my Child than before

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Sun 13-Oct-13 18:32:07

Argh Polter.

<sits on hands before i get my first deletion>

despairs that this attitude might be reflective of the parents at ds1's school sad

hazeyjane Sun 13-Oct-13 18:37:29

God, how depressing is that thread, I have lost the will to post on them really, and don't want to go on the main boards anymore.

The campaign seems to have been a lovely opening fanfare, but it has been tumbleweed ever since.

FrussoNeedsGin Sun 13-Oct-13 18:56:39

I'm not going anywhere near that thread today. I don't have the energy.
Dd is back to her normal self. Albeit with a huge bandage. She surprised me with how calm she was through it all.

TOWIELA Sun 13-Oct-13 19:10:14

oh god, I looked shock shock I'm all for debate but had to make my first ever "report message" to HQ! Not going back in there again in a hurry!

Galena Sun 13-Oct-13 19:24:06

I wonder whether there are more threads like that because people have become more vocal about disablist comments. They know there will be a reaction so they post.

Either that or schools are finding it harder to support children with the cutbacks in TAs, so there are more incidences of disruption.

Who knows, but it stinks.

SallyBear Sun 13-Oct-13 19:45:18

Just read the start of it. Pathetic tbh. The majority of yr7 kids at my twins Academy tend to be quite ridiculous in the first term of Yr 7, coming from many little primary schools where they'd had one teacher and very little change to contend with. I suspect that the boy in question is struggling with the changes of classrooms, environment, huge amounts of students, routines and different teachers and TAs. What the OP fails to appreciate that though this child's behaviour may indeed be aggressive, there will be plenty of other little darlings who are also hitting out because of the little fish big pond scenario and they don't have a TA or a diagnosis or SN.

moosemama Sun 13-Oct-13 21:05:04

I clicked - I knew I shouldn't, but I did and now I'm cross with myself for not being able to come up with anything useful to say that won't be twisted - I'm just not up for a fight tonight.

We're having issues with a boy in ds's class - not the same issues as the OP of that thread's dd, but having an awful effect on ds just the same.

I don't expect the school to remove the boy - although it sounds like that might be the end result. I do expect them to start supporting him better and I know they are working on that. The first half term of secondary school is so hard for many pupils, not just those with SNs and given that they have a higher proportion than most of pupils with SNs in ds's school they have asked parents to be patient for the first half term, while they are assessing the childrens' individual needs. A large proportion of those children have statements, but the statements very often bear very little relation to the provision the pupils needs, so they do their own assessments in the first few weeks and take it from there. (They don't remove provision, but they do often increase it.)

In the meantime, ds and I have had lots and lots of conversations about patience and tolerance - he's struggling to cope, but he has taken on board that, just as we ask others to be patient and tolerant of his difficulties, we have to do the same for others. We have made the school aware of how badly affected ds is and they are doing their best to mitigate it until they can resolve the situation. Yes, we are all primarily focussed on our own dcs, but that doesn't mean we have to lose all compassion for everyone else.

How people can expect kids to go straight into secondary, settle in and get their heads down without any struggles or adjustments is beyond me.

Today - I wish the rest of the world would just eff off. angry

FrussoNeedsGin Sun 13-Oct-13 21:08:23

I will not click. <repeats mantra>

Trigglesx Sun 13-Oct-13 21:45:10

youarewinning if you remember the issue regarding DS1 that you gave some input on... from reading the letter, it appears that their big issue is that he ran into the toilets and locked himself in a cubicle and wouldn't come out. Now he's 7yo and upset over getting in trouble already. So they have a couple members of staff trying to get him out, including a male member of staff that they usually have to go see when they're in big trouble. IMO a small boy, upset, in a cubicle, 3 members of staff.... he's going to feel cornered and get more upset, wouldn't you think?? Yes, he was shouting and refusing to come out, but I would think it would be fairly obvious that he would feel ganged up on and threatened at that point. And they said he got to registration on time, which is 8:40-8:45 roughly. I left at about 8:20-8:25. So he couldn't have been in there longer than maybe (taking into account the rough play first) 10 minutes, 15 minutes tops. Doesn't this seem excessive reaction on the part of staff?

IMO if they had simply had one staff member stand outside the cubicle and talk to him quietly and "talk him down" a bit, he would've come out on his own - probably in about the same amount of time that it took them to get him out by finally distracting him and having someone else unlock the door. I am going to ask if he was pulled out of the cubicle or if he walked out - because nowhere on the form does it say he was restrained in any way or that staff put their hands on him, and IMO if they did, I should have been made aware of it right away.

Just wondering what you think would be appropriate way to handle that situation and if it sounds like they were a bit overkill. I am hoping to meet with the head tomorrow and would just like a bit of input. Thanks.

Everyone else - sorry for that. Anyone's input is welcome, obviously, but sorry to drop that big dialogue in the middle there.

As you were. grin

Trigglesx Sun 13-Oct-13 21:51:39

oh.. and thanks for the link. hahahahaha Off to browse. I'm happy to oblige if need be.

You know... using that new "DISABILITY" word instead of SNs. grin

Trigglesx Sun 13-Oct-13 22:15:11

dear god, I've killed the thread... shock I'm so sorry!

childrendriveumad Sun 13-Oct-13 22:17:01

I looked sad trouble is I can see my DS being named as the disruptive one in a few years. There's already a 'wanted' poster in the staffroom at school (in my imagination!) I dread the 'Mrs driveumad can I have a word please?'

Had a pretty shite weekend here, thank goodness it's back to school tomorrow and I get a few hours off whilst at work.
Feel awful saying things like that, but I need some respite!

Trigglesx Sun 13-Oct-13 23:22:37

There. I've commented on "that thread" although I doubt it will make any difference.

DontSweatTheSmallStuff Mon 14-Oct-13 09:52:39

same here children Ds1 is already struggling with the change from infant to junior so goodness knows what will happen at the move to seniors.

ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 10:11:00

So glad I didn't see that thread, yesterday.

Though the wicked side of me is wondering if I should print it out and shove it in my file for tribunal.hmm

Galena Mon 14-Oct-13 10:22:58

Well, we've had a lovely morning so far... didn't have to get up for school, so DD is still getting dressed after a leisurely breakfast. She has plans involving a crafty kit from Hobbycraft and I'll try to get her to write some of her story too.

At least there are some benefits to keeping her off for a week!

ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 10:33:16

Slow mornings are so much easier, sometimes! (I have to not leave it too long, or else the peasants revolt).

We hit lucky, this morning - it's stopped pissing down for long enough for us to walk to school. DS1 stood in some dog dirt, though. Good thing there were some handy puddles about.

I still need to scraped DS2's mess off the floor. He's been tipping out his toy boxes as soon as we put stuff in them and it gets wearing. Need to get off my arse, as I have a door frame to paint.

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 10:38:54

Met with assistant headteacher this morning. Asked for clarification about a few things DS1 told me. She was concerned about things as well. She initially didn't seem on side at all, but at least seemed more open to what I was saying after I made a few points. I will be following it up in writing what I had as concerns, and asking for their response in writing as well.

okthatsweird Mon 14-Oct-13 10:39:03

Morning all!

Oh dear Just looked in on the thread, it would be best if I don't venture back again as I am already seething at some absolutely ri-dic-ul-ARSE comments made by some arses my nearest and dearest over this past weekend angry

Well...parents evening is looming and Ds told me last night that I will be very cross, when I asked him why he said because he has not finished his work..some days it is just the date. I take it that the 10 mins at the beginning of the lesson with CT still isn't helping then GRRRR

I can see the same discussion happening at this parents evening that has happened every parents evening since he started the bloody school. School have been doing X,Y and Z but still he refuses to do his written work. I think I may laugh hysterically like a crazed women as soon as the words leave the CT's lips and DH will have to take over while I take myself off to bang my head against the brick wall!

He also said he does not know why he does not finish...he feels tired. He feels tired and sick the minute he walks through the doors to the school every day because he does not like school..and it wouldn't matter which school he went to he still wouldn't like school....Well, what can I say to that then?????

SummerRain Mon 14-Oct-13 10:47:31

Okthatsweird flowers poor ds and poor you.

I'm having a lovely morning just because I don't have exams hanging over me, even paying bills and cleaning seems relaxing after the stress of the last month grin

okthatsweird Mon 14-Oct-13 11:04:05

Thanks Summer smile, Glad your having a lovely morning. On the upside we have an OT appointment coming up for Ds which I am hoping may shed some light on this lack of written work or not and why he perches himself on his feet while sitting on a a parrot confused

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 11:21:28

I think I may laugh hysterically like a crazed women as soon as the words leave the CT's lips and DH will have to take over while I take myself off to bang my head against the brick wall!

I can only assume we are related in some way. grin I've found myself having this reaction from time to time. (although H wouldn't take over, his reactions are worse than mine lol)

okthatsweird is it a balance thing?

hazeyjane Mon 14-Oct-13 11:37:46

Bollocks have posted on thread. Could. Not. Drag. Myself. Away........

Waiting for dr to ring about wierd eyeblinking thing, with ds, worried that it may have started after ds fell off windowsill.

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 11:46:16

hahahahahaha hazeyjane I've fallen foul of the thread as well. Ah well. After this morning's controversy at school, I'm well up for a fight. grin

Eyeblinking? DS1 does that - although always has done. It always gets worse when he is upset. Is there any pattern to it with your DS? (and no, I don't mean one blink for this, two blinks for that, lol) Like does it show up at certain times or situations? Or random? Or continual? Curious.

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 11:47:11

whoops... hasn't ALWAYS done... DS1 started the eyeblinking thing about age 4 after he started reception, and is still doing it now at age 7....

moosemama Mon 14-Oct-13 11:49:06

okthat'sweird, my ds was exactly the same. Pages and pages of exercise books with just the date or if he was on a roll - the title. Best thing we ever did was get him to learn to type. He hates handwriting, he struggles with the fine motor element and having to think about forming the letters, capital letters, punctuation and putting spaces between his words on top of thinking what he's going to say, when he has slow processing is just too much. That's where the exhaustion comes in - well all that on top of all the trying to understand all the social stuff, coping with the classroom noise and movement etc, etc ...

We used Typing Instructor Platinum to teach him to type over one summer holiday (just half an hour a day) and he really enjoyed it. You can set it up to be completely game based or have games as a reward for completing the exercises. He was about 40 something words a minute to begin with, but when his new school tested him at the start of term this year he's now up to 63.

It took a lot of fighting to get the school and LEA to recognise that it isn't just handwriting that's the issue, but eventually even they couldn't deny that, as he does spacing and caps etc automatically when typing, it not only removed a huge part of the reason for his resistance, it made it possible for him to demonstrate his true potential in terms of content and also meant they could actually read it to mark. He has it written into his statement that he has to have access to a computer to type any work over half a page of A5 and he handwrites diagram labels etc. We decided to go with that, as he does still need to do some writing or his skills will just get worse and he has been happy with that, as long as noone makes him do handwriting exercises.

I attended a Cerebra workshop on handwriting issues and it was a revelation. Ds was 10, nearly 11 at the time and their OTs said with his issues there was no question he should be typing and no amount of handwriting exercises were likely to improve his writing at that point.

Of course he's just started secondary and they haven't given him access to a computer yet. I looked in his books last night and ... you guessed it, incompleted work - just the date etc. It's parents' evening for us this week as well and I shall be raising it. They said they spend the first half term assessing the pupils, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be getting his statement provision. (Dreading another battle, but will do it as it made a huge difference to ds in primary school.) Need to treat carefully this time though, as they are doing so much right and ds loves the school which is something I never dreamed I'd be saying 5 weeks into secondary school.

moosemama Mon 14-Oct-13 11:51:27

Triggles, not sure if that sounds good or not. At least the HT listened I suppose. Have you asked for their response in writing, with clear action points?

Ds1 has a blinking thing that only appears when he's either really stressed or poorly. We did get it checked by his paed, but he reassured us it was a tic.

ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 12:47:37

DS1 sits like that, as well, ok

"sit on your bum, feet in front" is a phrase said so often that we feel like parrots.

okthatsweird Mon 14-Oct-13 13:13:36

Triggles would be cool if we were related at least you would know what I was talking about when I try to explain Ds's difficulties to the rest of the family. grin As for balance I'm not sure Ds does have a habit of falling off his chair sometimes but it all depends on how active he is when sitting IYSWIM e.g last night while using his 1 hr computer time he sat watching minecraft videos on youtube (his current obsession) and he was going crazy!! by that I mean in absolute hysterics, flapping, bouncing, growling (seriously he kept doing a really deep throaty growling noise at the screen my mums face was a picture, but I couldn't see why when I stood behind him confused) so eventually he ended up on the edge of the seat and fell orf. He does have a few issues with balance with other things though. I'm just going to bombard the OT with lots of info which nobody else seems to of taken any notice off grin.

moosemama this written work is going to be the death of me I swear! I would not be so annoyed if they didn't keep hounding me to get him to do it, even going as far as to blame me?! We have been going round in circles now for years but sadly the EP who assessed him said it was because he doesn't see the point and unfortunately that is the reason the school have put it down too which I think is utter bollocks! if that's the case then why does he bother with maths which he can't stand either (so long as he is writing the answer numerically and it isn't a written maths question hmm). We don't get to see Ds's work books during the first parents evening but I know they will look just like the ones which he brought home at the end of yr 1,2 and 3, which consist of no written work and lots of threats from the CT's it really is heartbreaking to read no wonder he hates school. We paid for Nessy fingers which he did really well with he picked it up really quickly but typing at school is a no no....handwriting is a very important part of SATS don't you know angry

hazeyjane my Ds does rapid eye blinks when he has been concentrating on something for longer than 10 minutes he said his eyes get blurry and sore. He tends to do this more when he is tired (after school) or while watching tv or looking at a computer screen.

blush what a long post!! blush

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 13:15:40

moose not yet. We had specific questions that needed to be answered and she needed to speak to the people involved to find out the answers. She is supposed to be ringing me back later today. Then I will at that time tell her that I will be following this up in writing and would like their information in writing as well "for my records and for DS1's file" as obviously the info in the letter is vastly misleading.

ouryve yep. *Sit down." .... "on your bum...." common phrases in our house as well.

moosemama Mon 14-Oct-13 13:50:12

Ok - just saw the thing about perching on his feet. Ds1 does that too ... and he perches on the toilet with his feet on the seat. confused OT said part proprioceptive and part down to hypotonia in his core. If you make him sit on his bum, he has to hold onto the back of the seat with one hand to hold himself up. We have had it written into his statement that he needs to sit either like that or with his knees pulled up under his chin in order to be able to focus. Fortunately, OT, EP and Inclusion people all noted it in their observations.

We used to be constantly saying 'bum on the chair, feet under the table to both boys - turns out they both have hypotonia and ds2 has hypermobility as well. These days, as long as they're facing front at home, we leave them to it, but the rule is they have to make the effort to sit properly in restaurants/cafes and other peoples' homes.

Same here with maths. He hates it (having loved it in infants) thanks to the teachers making him lose confidence in his own abilities - same teacher that is now doing a number on ds2. angry Will write calculations, but absolutely no jottings or workings out - bare minimum only - now that is a problem come ks2 sats.

Handwriting however is a teeny proportion of SATs, so teeny it's barely worth worrying about.

Don't worry about the long posts - I am the queen of ridiculously long posts! grin

Is MN running ridiculously slow again for anyone today? It's taking literally 20 minutes to load a page here and I'm getting increasingly annoyed about it, as dd is off sick and I'm trapped in the living room with her dozing on the sofa.

SummerRain Mon 14-Oct-13 14:18:40

Ds1 perches too, I don't mind apart from mealtimes where it results in too much mess so I try and make him sit on his bum for meals.

His handwriting is shocking too and he struggles with writing extended pieces. His school have loaned us a keyboard to help him learn to type and are applying for a tech grant with a view to getting him a laptop for school... The idea is to have him competent at using that by the time he needs to do extended amounts of writing, I actually need to ring the CAMHS OT about getting a report done up... Sometimes I feel more like a secretary than a mother hmm

I've been organising some of the piles of crap this morning, it's amazing how much you can get done with a few child free hours shock I haven't had the chance to appreciate it since ds2 started school!

okthatsweird Mon 14-Oct-13 14:29:26

Oh dear I think....confused....I may of come across as a troll on my other thread blush I only want a green bloody onsie!!

moosemama Yep MN very slow I thought it was my computer coming down with a cold. That's interesting what you say about your Dc. We have pretty much settled for facing front at home too. But the perching on the feet while on his chair has only started happening over the past couple of months. He doesn't tend to hold on to anything but that may be down to the fact he is constantly flapping which he only does at home. As for his written work all I can do is reassure him that I won't be cross but you can just see the build up of anxiety as the parents evening grows closer.

MariaBoredOfLurking Mon 14-Oct-13 14:31:52

handwriting is a very important part of SATS don't you know my ar*e
How come they make dc come in & do them with a broken arm in a pot then
Must be that cheating is harder if they've typed the answers or something.

MariaBoredOfLurking Mon 14-Oct-13 14:32:11

cheating aargh

PolterGoose Mon 14-Oct-13 14:44:00

Quickly popping in in between a morning at work and school run. Ds sits funny too, but he is still on his Tripp Trapp so sits better than he would on a 'normal' (typical?!) chair. I don't sit properly either though, always have a leg under me or my feet twisted strangely.

okthatsweird Mon 14-Oct-13 14:48:00

shock @ above link! Interesting.....

I have read many posts on here about Dc getting varying degrees of support for varying reasons but my Ds's school point blank refuse to take the pressure off my Ds with regards to his writing. I am yet to see any proof which backs up the statement from his HT which says he finds written work optional...if this was the case there would be at least one piece of work somewhere in his work books to show this.

SummerRain Mon 14-Oct-13 15:23:29

Polter... Your post has just reminded me about our ongoing Tripp trapp battle. Ds2 has one, but he's now big enough to sit in a normal chair so I've been trying to convince the ds's that ds1 needs it more. Been having no luck though, ds1 doesn't want it despite admitting it's more comfortable and ds2 refuses to give it up. I'm damned if I'm shelling out for another one at this stage in the game!

I sit contorted up on the chair too, can't stand having my feet on the ground... It's why I don't fight ds1 on it, would be a bit hypocritical of me!

youarewinning Mon 14-Oct-13 16:20:08

triggles yes, quite simply 3 members of staff outside a door with an upset 7yo inside a cubicle is major overkill grin He was inside the cubicle so technically he was safe and so were others. One member of staff to simply say "when you are ready, come out and talk and I'll listen" is sufficient enough. It is all about the they talk and the adult listens. I would also have said it and waited a few minutes before saying again, time to come out now and you can talk to me. They shouldn't be bombarding him with people or language and yes if they used any force they should have informed you that day.
I'm pretty convinced an 'nt' child who's upset and shut themselves in the loo isn't going to just come out because a load of adults tell them too. It's basic respect for others feelings and their processing time which allows them to calm down themselves.

Sounds like the staff need to remember they are the adults in this situation.

Good luck tomorrow - go kick arse girl grin

youarewinning Mon 14-Oct-13 16:25:53

except you posted that yesterday and already been in blush Well hopefully some ideas of things to put in email grin

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 17:40:01

Yeah, just finished up follow up meeting with asst head. She swears they weren't all talking at once and that a teacher said she didn't feel it was too noisy. I pointed out that the teacher wasn't 7yo, upset, and didn't have sensory problems. hmm She even went so far as to say to me "you know your son is hard work...." shock I said "I would have thought since your school is a specialised school for this type of problem that your staff was trained to deal with that appropriately." grin

I also told her not to be so condescending, as it was practically dripping. And yes there were FOUR members of staff outside the door. First she said he was at risk in the toilet cubicle. I asked from what? Surely no more at risk than when he goes in to have a wee. hmm

And the biggest irritation.... I asked why they didn't just have one staff member stay with him and talk to him calmly and allow him time to calm down. Her response? They didn't have time to wait for him to calm down, they had to get to class. angry So I said "let me make sure I understand this, your schedule is more important than his emotional well being? He's upset to the point of meltdown and you push him into what could be crisis point because you have to get to class???" She then said "I think we need to draw a line under this now..." So I pointed out that I would be following this up in writing outlining the changes I expected to see forthcoming.

She also lied to me... she told me that DS1 ASKED her if he could apologise to the teacher that ran the breakfast club and ask if he could return tomorrow. She made a BIG DEAL out of saying it was all DS1's idea.... and DS1 piped up "no it wasn't. You told me I had to." grin

I am going to put together a summary of the conversation and request a copy be put in his file, and I'm debating sending a copy to the governors as well, pointing out that they couldn't even come up with ANY specific incidents that had previously happened. So basically they went from low level stuff straight to exclusion when he had a meltdown (and they escalated it into more of a problem than it needed to be).

PolterGoose Mon 14-Oct-13 18:24:51

Triggles well done <not condescending voice, no drips> I think the offer to draw a line under it is a clear acceptance that school fucked up. Describing him as 'hard work' is just plain wrong, it doesn't matter if he is or isn't, it is an awful way for a professional to describe a child.

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 18:31:53

I think the offer to draw a line under it is a clear acceptance that school fucked up.

Actually, when she was saying this, I rather got the impression that they were not willing to admit they'd made a rash decision about the exclusion and didn't want to discuss it any further. I was polite, but very blunt about what I expected in future. She kept trying to interrupt me and put it back on the track she wanted it, but I was very firm and finally said "Please be considerate enough to allow me to finish voicing my concerns." I'm please I remained calm, as inside I was livid.

childrendriveumad Mon 14-Oct-13 19:59:30

hazeyjane my Ds does rapid eye blinks when he has been concentrating on something for longer than 10 minutes he said his eyes get blurry and sore. He tends to do this more when he is tired (after school) or while watching tv or looking at a computer screen.

Just wanted to say that excessive blinking can be a sign of convergence insuffiency or accommodative excess.

Might be worth seeing a behavioural optometrist.

I work for one and am happy to help with advice smile

Good day at work, good pm with ds, shame that 'normal' dd has a preteen hormonal strop!!!

Dinner time!

youarewinning Mon 14-Oct-13 20:20:58

triggles You should consider becoming a TT tutor. You've got the lingo down grin All words such as 'crisis' 'escalation' etc are brilliant terms and will have stumped the AHT - hence the 'drawing a line under it' comment. She was backed into a corner by terms which proved their actions were rash. grin

I was late to lunch today because a pupil was overrunning on their activity - she has to complete it and does it every morning at the end of session. I moved her on by saying she could help me with something I needed to do on computer. So I did it then during lunch and we moved on. Yes, I missed 10 minutes lunch but the pupil remained calm and happy and on task for the rest of the day.

Don't do a job with pupils who have SN if you can't be flexible!

I had parents evening tonight - very happy mum here grin

His teacher is fab - asked if I'd ever considered a twiddle box for DS. Said I thought it was a great idea whilst not mentioning I'd said the same the previous year and that CT had basically said no he can learn to sit still and not to touch hmm Also he's going to start the process for getting him extra time in exams now ready for SATS next year and secondary. Just agreed with me and said he'd sort it - no queries or excuses. He mentioned how hard DS is working. grin grin Also that he thinks we should seriously look at ICT use for him. I then said how DS was desperate for an Ipad mini for xmas but he wants it as a games console - or rather minecraft player! I said didn't want to spend that on something for games but have been looking into apps for use - educational ones - and found some great apps where he can write and it reads what he's written etc which will really help with his lack of! grammer and composition. He said after all assessments etc it may be that they'll suggest ICT (he said it's Ipads nowadays) but that could be ages away and only a few are given them.
I asked if that I bought him one and insured it for use at home and school would the school look at getting some apps for him, and look at using it in school as I said if it would help with his education I would sort it. He's going to find out. We are going to meet again soon to look at it's use for him at school.
Think if it's going to be a communication and education tool though I can't get it for him for Christmas!
In the next 5 weeks he's having assessments by the SENCo for reading age, spelling age, comprehension, semantic fluency, writing speed, etc etc and the SALT is coming in after half term and he's on the priority list and he starts the therapeutic writing course too.

The new SENCo and current CT have done more for him in 5 weeks than he's had in 5 years.

Does the essay give you a clue how happy I am? grin

youarewinning Mon 14-Oct-13 20:25:44

Oh and CT had me in hysterics (he was laughing himself) when telling me about a literacy lesson where the input was think of 5 reasons you might be late for school.

DS said "I don't know I'm never late!"

CT "what might happen to make you late"

DS "I'm never late. We leave at 8 and I go to breakfast club so I always have lot's of time to get to school"

He said he really couldn't think of anything. I did then say at least if DS ever said he had no homework because the dog ate it he'd know he was telling him the truth grin

Trigglesx Mon 14-Oct-13 20:32:45

youarewinning so glad it's going well. Yes, you definitely sound happy (if bemused over certain aspects). grin

youarewinning Mon 14-Oct-13 20:54:29

lol! bemused over the fact that things that have got hmm in the past on my suggestion are now being suggested as things that will help DS - well der! And bemused that after all the years of saying he can't empathise he teacher has said "he really cannot empathise can he?" Again, der!! I would have thought these were the things they'd been logging - apparently not grin

On another giggle note, on me being bemused and amused, I nearly lost the will to live yesterday trying to get DS to understand a question I was asking - simple but he couldn't. Then this morning after handing him his uniform he comes back to me "mum, you've forgotton to supply me with boxers with my uniform"

So he can't understand "did the children sing in small groups?" but apparently "supply me with" is everyday talk!

ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 23:21:26

Triggles you'd think staff at a SS would know never to expect a 7yo with ASD to reliably lie!


ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 23:24:28

yy children - this is a problem I have. I blink a lot when I haven't been doing my eye exercises (or I've been staying up too late with my laptop!) and I used to blink constantly before my astigmatism was picked up.

ouryve Mon 14-Oct-13 23:31:08

did the children sing in small groups? is open to interpretation that would elicit a response such as "I don't know that song." but supply me with is just the sort of phrase that a kid who collects interesting words and phrases would use.

youarewinning Tue 15-Oct-13 06:49:08

good point ouryve. The question was because DS was showing me a song on you tube they did at harvest festival assembly (dad went as I working). He was just singing the chorus and said he was singing the bits he sung as the 'main singers' sang the rest. I asked if they sung bits on their own and he said no they sung together. So I asked if it was a small group of children. All I kept getting was they were the main singers. grin Did wall, head, bang when I asked 'who were the main singers'

answer? "the children who sang the verse" obviously! I meant who as in which children!

But your right - I think questions are open to far too much interpretation (for him!) and he doesn't elaborate answers just gives a simple closed response even to open questions!

Trigglesx Tue 15-Oct-13 07:28:32

ouryve you'd think, wouldn't you? This is the first problem I've had with this school after DS1 being here over a year. I'll be happy not to deal with the AHT anymore as she clearly did not want to admit they'd made an error and I had to be quite firm that I expected changes made in how things were done in certain situations. But on a more happy note, they ARE implementing the changes, so that's good. I'm quite cross still that she blatantly lied to me, making a huge effort to "show" that DS1 completely understood the punishment and linked it with no problem to his behaviour the other day (completely disregarding the fact that 1-he shouldn't be punished for being upset especially when they refuse to give him time to calm down and 2-there should have been no exclusion anyway). It was like putting a show pony through his paces.... except DS1 wasn't following the script very well. grin He rarely does tbh. But that's fine - now I know her measure. And I'll be documenting it all in a letter and sending it to them under the guise of "just confirmation of our discussion from yesterday." So it's all on paper, including the changes she stated they would be implementing.

Open questions? DS1 tends to simply choose the form of answer he likes at the moment. You can ask him to elaborate on something and he'll look at you and mutter "yes" or "no" and that's that. Or you can ask him a yes or no question and he'll go on forever (often about something utterly unrelated to the question you actually asked). grin He likes to direct his own discussions I guess.

autumnsmum Tue 15-Oct-13 10:25:07

Sorry to mention Aibu but did anyone see the horrible thread about Malala and private schools last night was glad to see some names I recognise from this board sticking up for her

Ilisten2theradio Tue 15-Oct-13 10:42:02

OKthatsweird DS also had huge handwriting problems too. He improved greatly after Ot exercises for his hands were done every day and when we had a round of physio for his shoulder which kept on popping out of joint as he had to use hand weights for the exercises and it strengthened his whole shoulder arm and wrist.
We also had an OT look at writing position - he used his upper arm not his wrist and had to be retaught to write( after his hands and wrists were stronger) use a writing slope sort out his seating, etc etc. Also you can get the GP to refer to the OT - which is what I did.
He has also been learning to touch type and is now at about 30 words pm so faster than he can write. Perhaps you can persuade the school to try both.
triggles way to go.....

So how do I persuade Ds(nearly 13) that he needs to continue his OT hand exercises until the OT says enough. he has been refusing to do them with the TA. - any ideas welcome.

okthatsweird Tue 15-Oct-13 13:24:40

Hi thanks for the info Ilisten2theradio.

Well, I've just had a phone call from Ds's HT...He was having small group work for his English and Grammar set up for his benefit so he gets additional 1-1 support with his writing. hmm He is getting to the point now that the CT can not get ANYTHING at all from him...not even the date. He asked for my permission to have him complete his work in the afternoon before he gets to do any of the lessons he enjoys, even though I pointed out that this happened last year and it didn't make a difference and I believed that something else was causing an issue changes which I have noted over the past 2 weeks.

1) change in weather (DS doesn't do cold weather).
2) upcoming parents evening causing anxiety.
3) coming down with a cold.
4) Darker mornings (Ds scared of the dark....and he shouldn't get up when its dark, he should be in bed).

All of this was a long sigh as the school are trying to put in strategies to help Ds because he really doesn't like writing but it's something he needs to do and as from today that's what they will be doing. So now he will taken to a new room (change), with another teacher (change), and miss out on anything he could potentially do well with (punishment) I OFFICIALLY GIVE UP!! (obviously not on Ds smile)

ouryve Tue 15-Oct-13 16:08:13

That's frustrating, OK DS1 has never responded to having to catch up later, either. We had limited success, a few years ago, with bringing it home for him to do in the quiet of home, before he got his computer time, but that one wore thin and after a while, he would sit under the table and completely avoid it and quite happily do without his computer if it meant he didn't have to do his work. Now we keep school and home strictly separate.

He left school up a height, firstly because the SENCO had tried to give him a letter about an IEP meeting (his TA slipped it to me rather more subtly just before we left!) and secondly because the toher kids had a letter announcing that Friday is wear pink day. He Disapproves of pink (even though he has socks and pants with pink on them!) He was insisting he's not going to school on Friday. That should be interesting, since our OT is assessing him, that day!

At least he was distracted on the way home by a guy in a taxi sticking advertising stickers all over all the bus stops and phone booths. He directed his ire into ripping off all the ones he could reach!

youarewinning Tue 15-Oct-13 21:17:58

OK Help grin

DS bought a letter home today re 5 day residential next year with school. He really wans to go. Meltdown galore when I said we'd discuss it with teacher and maybe he'll just do the days. He doesn't want to do that so discussion followed about the enormity of what it would entail and that I wanted him to go and do what he could and enjoy it. Followed by I CAN do it all. So I suggest he shows me at home over the next few days and we work on the skills he needs between now and then so he'll enjoy the residential. Cue even bigger meltdown about how much that is and I'm putting pressure on him - he feels like it's a test - and if he can show me he can do it for 1 day (it being getting himself ready and organised without support) then that is enough for him to prove to me he can do it for 5 days.
So he unpacked his swimming bag and got ready for bed and went to bed without his light on - to prove a point!

How on earth do I get him to understand if he can do it one day then he can keep doing it - which I know will create complete anxiety - or that 1 day is much less than 5 - and it's 5 days where he doesn't have my support.

I'm am completely fucking this up. I feel like a complete cow of a mother but he just does not do concentrating and completing tasks for that period of time without computer time or timeout. He cannot even cope with lunchtimes and asks to stay in at break although he's always sent out.

Do I risk sending him with everything in place - eg visuals and hope in a years time he's moved on or go with my gut and say no. sad

zzzzz Tue 15-Oct-13 21:36:16

I'd send him to be honest. He wants to try. It's better to try and fail than not to ever try at all.

Sorry, I know not what you want to hear.

PolterGoose Tue 15-Oct-13 21:49:03

youare a lot can change in a year and you have a lot of time to prepare. You could do a list together of all the skills he will need and work out an incremental plan for him to work towards. However, my ds said in July he wanted to go on the Y6 residential which is in June next year and we agreed that he needed to be able to at least wipe his own bum and eat more normal food, he is doing neither and has decided he isn't going after all. TBH, like you, I know he wouldn't cope and there is no way someone who isn't his parent would meet his needs 24/7, but I went with it for him as it's really important he knows I think that he can do these things IYSWIM? When does the deposit need to be in by? That gives you a deadline to work towards. For the Y5 residential ds spent a whole day there with his TA, he got to spend time in the cabins and around the complex and spent the day doing activities, which meant he could join in the post trip discussions etc. It really was enough for him!

moosemama Tue 15-Oct-13 22:21:06

youarewinning. What year will he be in. My ds did a three day residential in Y4 and a 5 day one in Y6 - both outward bound/activity trips.

I felt the same as you, in fact I had a thread on here about the first one, because I was so sure he wouldn't cope. He didn't have a statement back then and the school was only just starting to accept he had AS.

We had to commit to the cost a year ahead both times and both times I thought we'd end up paying and him not going. I was wrong. He went both times and loved it. We had meetings with the course leader before he went and put every single need down in writing (even things like 'he will put on multiple layers of underpants unless reminded to remove the first pair before dressing). The relevant information from our list was sent to the centres. Both centres were very experienced in running outward bound courses for adults and children who have a variety of disabilities and were able to reassure us that they were able to meet his needs and ensure his safety. They also handled his dietary needs, including sensory issues fantastically - calling me to confirm what he could/couldn't would/wouldn't eat and what his favourite foods were.

He went on both trips and had an amazing time. The first one was actually led by the HT, who took personal responsibility for ds and from then on his attitude towards ds's assessment and eventual dx and support etc changed significantly, as he finally got what ds was really like outside of the school environment and routine and realised we were neither pushy parents or exaggerating his needs. Several members of staff came up to me and told me that seeing how much ds enjoyed the trip made the trip for them, as his genuine joy and excitement at every single aspect was a pleasure to see. smile

The y6 trip was more scary. The HT didn't attend that one and I wasn't at all confident of the staff that went, but the centre was fantastic, took all his needs seriously and gave him a massive amount of support, without making it obvious and making him stand out. I was terrified of him doing rafting/canoeing in particular, as he can't swim and has hypotonia in his upper body and core, so would struggle to right himself if he rolled. They handle this really well and put him in a canoe with his best friend and the tutor, selling it to him as an honour.

My advice is to let him aim to go and if you can, forget about the money with the understanding that if he can't manage it when the time comes, it's better to lose the money than have him go and not cope. There's plenty of time for him to gradually build up the skills he'll need and for you to liaise with the school and centre to make sure he is properly supported.

(Incidentally, the only child that didn't go on ds's 5 day trip was the year's big, bold, bully, who had a panic attack when he had to leave his Mum and had to be taken off the coach.)

okthatsweird Tue 15-Oct-13 23:07:03

childrendriveumad My Ds has Anisometropia in his right eye and his vision is really poor but his other eye is perfect. He has had patch therapy but has now been discharged from the eye clinic because he is at an age now where there will not be any more improvements. Are the tests thorough? Do you get a detailed report afterwards? I have read conflicting opinions about BO's TBH.

Youarewinning yes I know I need help wink and the way I am feeling right now a course of anger management. I have spent most of this evening compiling a letter to HT but I know it won't make an ounce of difference. Very tempted to tell them I want to go in and observe my Ds during one of his lessons, maybe I will get more of an idea of what the issue is. So now I am sat here arguing with myself as to whether to send the letter or wait to see the outcome from Ds's OT appointment first.

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 06:42:36

thanks all. I love this pub. grin He will be in year 6 and very likely to be very close to diagnosis of ASD by then.
I really do want to let him go - deposit of £40 due on 8th November and remaining £200 due in instalments over the year.
I let him do a 2 night cub camp a few months ago - it was disaster! Got sent home the next day as his behaviour was out of control (I know why, typical reaction to children's piss taking and activities changing last minute along with too much time to fill). He was actually dangerous. blush

I guess I'm looking at it the wrong way. I'm looking at it as if he gets sent home its wasted money and looks bad for him but your all right and have given me the kick up the arse I need to look at it differently.

I have told him he'll have to wipe own bum, do own shower etc. I do wonder - and will give it a chance - that with 50 other children to copy he may find these things easier than at home where he has to think for himself iyswim?

I guess that as the school are allowing him to go, and as we (I will insist!) will have a plan in action and behaviour plan before he goes they'll have to make reasonable adjustments for him and although I expect him to behave I guess they'll have to make those allowances for his reactions to things compared to his peers.

Sits back and waits for the AIBU in a years time about child on residential and for it being linked to here for us all to pile in grin

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 06:45:33

And yes contacting the centre direct is a fab idea. I need to do that anyway re his allergies (I feel better doing that than having it second hand through the school).

moosemama Wed 16-Oct-13 07:31:02

Youare, none of the other boys will shower unless directly told to by the teachers. On the 3 day residential none of them showered, event though they were told to. On the 5 day one they showered once, but then put the same dirty clothes back on! I was worried, because ds still needs help to shower even now, but he coped. He wasn't exactly what you could call clean, but he passed muster and it really didn't matter.

There was a no reading after lights out rule - but ds doesn't sleep much, so they agreed he could have a book light and read until he was ready to sleep. He also can't sleep without a light on, so we gave him a battery powered, colour changing ball light (actually a bath-light) that he could have inside his sleeping bag. We also agreed that his bullies/tormentors would be put in a different sleeping lodge and the opposite activity schedule so they barely crossed paths the whole time and no piss taking etc.

I'd suggest asking for a named member of staff to be responsible for him, then you can liaise directly with them, as well as the centre to make sure everyone understands his needs and how they can best meet them.

Just saying he could go boosted his self-esteem enormously and he was - and still is - so proud that he went and did the activities he did (he didn't do them all, but then lots of children didn't) that it was worth every penny and every moment of stress and worry.

Trigglesx Wed 16-Oct-13 10:26:02

youarewinning they're all braver than me on here. I wouldn't let DS1 go on last year's residential (one night overnight for year 2) and I've already told them NO for this year's residential (two nights overnight in a YH castle thing). There are simply too many safety issues for a child that takes rafts of meds, wakes up repeatedly during night, is a runner, and has no sense of danger at all. hmm

We've been offered to allow me to bring him out during the day and take him home at night but I've said no as I think that would result in spectacular meltdowns each time, which I don't need. DS1 was annoyed as he wanted to go this year, and I was prepared to keep an open mind depending on the location, but after reading through it, there's just too many risks for him.

moosemama Wed 16-Oct-13 10:45:14

Triggles, I'm not brave. I wouldn't have let ds go in year 2 either, not even for a single night.

I nearly didn't let him go on the Y4 one, but was supported by folks on here and was so glad they changed my mind. I still only let him go on the caveat that they call us at the first sign of trouble and we would go and fetch him.

Your ds's needs are very different to mine though and if he was on lots of meds and was a runner I would have taken a different view.

okthatsweird Wed 16-Oct-13 10:45:15

Letter I wait <twiddles thumbs with a twisting pre-war tummy>

How is everyone this morning?

Galena Wed 16-Oct-13 10:59:05

All peaceful here... DD is sewing a bear which she would have done at school if she wasn't off to keep her hopefully cold free, and having a whale of a time. She's still coughing but hopefully it'll clear up soon.

I'm panicking slightly now... 6 days.

ouryve Wed 16-Oct-13 11:14:55

OK well done for writing that letter. My letters of conflict tend to be fart powered. Got to love that fight or flight response!

We put our foot down on DS1 going on the year 5/6 residential, this year. It's 2 nights, across in Cumbria, across the A66 which is often closed at that time of year so no chance of doing a day, as it's too far for that in good conditions. Then there's there small issue of the fact that he can't tolerate being in close quarters to so many other children for so long and he won't even do PE or large group activities at school. I set him a challenge of proving he could be brave and at least watch his class do PE. He bottled out spectacularly and didn't even go into his classroom, that day.

So no, that's over £100 we won't be spending.

okthatsweird Wed 16-Oct-13 11:37:46

grin ouryve my problem is I can draft, write, redraft, draft again fantastic letters (well I like to think they are anyway!) but when it comes to the face to face meetings I am completely actually I am beyond useless, I always come up with amazing come backs to everything when I'm supping my coffee at home 3 hours later smile. That's why I feel really great about sending a letter but then start panicking because I know a meeting will closely follow. blush

Ds hasn't gotten to residential trips yet. But (I know it's not quite the same cost/time wise) I felt really uneasy the first time he attended a scouts weekend, I had a lengthy discussion with the scout leader about Ds's difficulties just before and it turned out he really enjoyed himself although he did opt out of a few activities such as climbing and select games. I however spent the majority of the weekend with my mobile in hand constantly stopping myself from 'checking in' on Ds. smile

hazeyjane Wed 16-Oct-13 13:51:30

Ds's new SALT did a home visit during portage yesterday which was interesting. For the first time someone pointed out the mechanical part of ds's non verbalness - noting that the noise he makes, comes from right at the back of his throat, also that when his tongue isn't out, it is rolled back so that you can see the underside. I have been trying to point this out to the last SALT, but she never paid any much attention.

ouryve Wed 16-Oct-13 16:12:04

A lot of DS2's lack of speech stems from poor oro-motor skills, too. Even if he masters a word it quickly decays so almost all the consonants are "b" That and his actual communication delay tend to compound each other. It's hard to get positive feedback for using the correct words when you struggle to make yourself understood, in the first place.

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 16:37:12

I'm hoping that the disasterous cub camp which he did (year 4) won't be an indication of what will happen at a residential - he'll be year 6 - but I fear it might!

I can out lots in place: eg a carrier bag labelled with stuff for each day, visuals etc (I'm sure centre will provide the info). Torch for night is a great idea. They provide bedding but I suspect he'll have to take his double duvet too as he sleeps on the single one!

I think he will do OK depending on the teacher. His current CT let him opt out of a game this afternoon that involved putting stickers on their heads - apparently according to DS he was worried about them causing a rash because of his allergies. grin He doesn't half worry about things!

SallyBear Wed 16-Oct-13 17:12:39

Agh!! The dreaded back sounds Hazey. DD used to make hideous gggg sounds all of the time. It is all about tongue placement and focusing on the front of the mouth - lots of mmmm and fffff. Blowing bubbles and candles worked well for us.

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 18:57:21

Goodness! Ds said Gggg for ages, he go sort of stuck saying it. I had honestly never considered tongue placement.

hazeyjane Wed 16-Oct-13 19:14:24

It has seemed so obvious to me that there is a physical part to ds's being non verbal, but it has never been looked at. He has never babbled, or made any consonant/hard sounds, the sound is literally just a noise (very hard to describe!) I am just glad that someone has recognised it!

I have just had a head exploding moment about the senco at preschool, who I have just found out has fucked up on the paperwork with ds's statement, forgot to include ds in a referral to the ed psych and made this comment at circle time today that I have been seething about all day

(they take a register)

boy1 - yes senco
girl2 - yes senco
mini hazey - mini hazey signs yes with help of 1-1

senco says - 'oh well, a wave will do I suppose.'


zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 19:25:45

Even if he wasn't signing how very rude. shock

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 19:35:04

'oh well, a wave will do I suppose.' I suppose? angry It's communication <forgetting about the fact it was even the correct communication>

Very proud of you for not smacking her one in the chops there and then grin

childrendriveumad Wed 16-Oct-13 20:03:43

Evening all smile
well we're into a better week than last week thank goodness!
DS is actually enjoying the educational intervention sessions! woo hoo!

My Ds has Anisometropia in his right eye and his vision is really poor but his other eye is perfect. He has had patch therapy but has now been discharged from the eye clinic because he is at an age now where there will not be any more improvements. Are the tests thorough? Do you get a detailed report afterwards? I have read conflicting opinions about BO's TBH.*
Behavioural Optometry has very mixed success with anisometropia. It's excellent for treating visual processing disorders and symptoms such as those associated with dyslexia, but if patching has been done and your DS has been signed off then it's difficult to know without assessment whether he could be helped. Unfortunately there are some behavioural optometrists out there who do give it a bad name sad if you want to pm me for more info or advice please feel free. If you want more info about it and how to find a good one then I suggest you look at Association of Behavioural Optometrists

Trigglesx Wed 16-Oct-13 20:47:34

Arrgggghhh. WHY is another poster (on THAT thread) giving me lessons on how to speak effectively and instructing me not to use sarcasm... I can only assume she has not read the other posts??? And she's done it twice in two posts... over the same post... then said "sorry triggles I'm not picking on you..." hmm Bollocks. (oops, think I'll get upbraided for that as well?) grin Double bollocks.

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 20:53:10

Yes triggles it's beyond annoying.

Can I distract you all with one really lovely zzzzz news. It's nothing SNy I just want to tell!! Dd2 has passed her 11+ really well. grin. Nothing really to do with me, she is just a good clever girl, but I feel so happy for her.

Trigglesx Wed 16-Oct-13 20:55:36

Oh Well Done to your DD2!!! Wonderful news!! smile

Galena Wed 16-Oct-13 21:41:26

Fabulous! well done mini-zzzzz

youarewinning Wed 16-Oct-13 21:45:55

fabulous miniDDzzzzz2 grin

Dares to ask which thread whilst I'm here!

Well done that girl! Is she z number 2?

I've got a boasting thread on SN chat about DS2 and his IT award. blush

moosemama Wed 16-Oct-13 21:49:15

Well done zzzzz's dd. Of course it has something to do with you - you're an awesome Mum and not only has she learned from you, she has your DNA! grin

I have a poorly dd. She went back to school today after having the coughing retching thing since the end of last week. I wasn't 100% convinced she should go, but she was so much better, it's book week and she really begged me. So, I checked her temp, it was normal and has been right the way through, then dh said he'd walk her to school and if she started coughing or seemed at all poorly he'd bring her home. He took her in, so I assumed she was ok.

Went to pick her up and she looked awful. She didn't pick up a sweet from the jar (it was another pupil's birthday) which is unheard of for her and was clearly glazed and disconnected. Got her home, checked her temp - just a smidge off 40. Not impressed neither the teacher or TA noticed how poorly she was - but accept it's my fault for sending her in. She had calpol and it's been up and down, but was back up to 39.10 at bedtime, although she seemed a bit perkier in herself, so gave her calprofen and dh took her up.

He's gone to a gig, so I went up to check on her and the stupid man had put her duvet over her. She was wringing with sweat, right through her shortie summer pjs, her hair was dripping, her pillow was sodden and she was talking gibberish. So, stripped her off, replaced duvet with cotton cellular blanket, gave her a clean pillow and case, made sure she sipped some water and sat with her till she went back to sleep, whilst texting dh to say he may need to come home. Just been back up and her temp is down to just under 38, she feels cooler and is more settled. Am going to keep checking on her every half hour, but if her temp spikes like that again it'll be the OOHGP - scared me witless when I went up and found her wringing wet and delirious.

Honestly men! Who puts a child with a raging temp under a bloody duvet? angry

I feel awful for sending her into school. She's going to be heartbroken she's not going to get to wear her Sophie, from The Tiger Who Came to Tea costume for book day on Friday. sad

Trigglesx Wed 16-Oct-13 21:54:06

aw moose hope she's better soon. Poor girl, she must be miserable. sad

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 21:54:59

Well done mini-zzzzz thrilled for her grin

childrendriveumad Wed 16-Oct-13 21:59:31

congratulations DDzzzzzz smile


zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 22:03:48

My Dh would do just the same moose, he daft about temperatures.

Thank you all for being kind about my dd. She really did do it all herself. I try not to talk about my other dc too much, but sometimes I want to say on those horrid threads that MY dc manage to be inclusive all day every day from a very early age and still be educated and happy, and they do it with just me (most of the time), no TA, no outside agencies support, we just get on with it. It's fine.....but then everyone at home wants it to work. angry

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 22:35:13

Poor dd moose hope she gets well soon flowers

moosemama Wed 16-Oct-13 22:42:10

Thank you.

She's just woken up screaming something incomprehensible, but doesn't seem any hotter. I've brought her down to the living room with me now and she's sleeping on the sofa next to me. I was sitting in the dark anyway and it made more sense than constantly going up and downstairs to her.

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 22:42:36

This thread just popped up on Most Popular.

I thought SN was excluded from the headline threads.

Hmm, maybe report, Wet?

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 22:52:30

It's not the first time that SN:Chat has appeared on Most Popoular.

Trouble is I can't remember what the deal was with MN when the forum was eparated out into different threads.

Which is looking like an increasingly dozy idea to me as I cam see very little differenece between the 2 threads anyway.

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 22:56:31

I've never seen "most popular" confused

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 22:57:44

They mean "most active" and yes it does it all the time.

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 22:58:28

Ooops Meant 'Most Active' on Top RH corner of the screen

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:01:30

If you've opted in to see SN on active convos then it will show, but not if you haven't, check your preferences, it would be a worry if you weren't opted in but could see it. I doubt it though, I would imagine we'd know about it if main board posters saw this on their active list.

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 23:05:01

Everyone sees it. I reported it the first time I noticed and got a polite reply saying it had always been so. shock

I guess that's a downside of us all being such heavy drinkers!

I've never 'opted in' on anything. confused

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:06:56

Well perhaps we need to make the other SN users aware as this is quite a shift in 'policy'.

You get some very intimate stuff posted on SN:Chat - as you do in SN: Children.

Shoule we ask MN to take these threads of Most Active?

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:07:42

Me neither Ellen

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 23:08:31

I'd like it not to show in most active.

Trigglesx Wed 16-Oct-13 23:10:48

I don't want it to show in most active either.

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:12:20

Well who's going to be brave enough to tell MNHQ? I did it last time but gave up as it drifted into months of 'shall we split it this way or that way' ? <yawn>

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:13:29

I've just done an experiment. Go to 'customise' (up ^ there) and at the bottom of the page there's a bit about hiding topics or something and a tiny blue 'here' link which takes you to a page where you can choose to show SN topics when you click the 'most active' button. If you click no then SN topics do not show up on the 'active' list, if you click yes then they do. Please go and try it, SN threads did not show up when I opted out.

Anyone can read and post in the SN sections it's just an attempt to stop random thread clickers posting on SN threads without knowing they're on an SN board. Some posers do all their MNing through 'most active' rather than going to the different topics.

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:15:47

This is the bit at the bottom of the 'Customise' page:

^Ignore topics in Active Conversations*
You can opt never to see certain topics in Active Conversations or opt in to see the Special Needs topic (which otherwise does not display). To manage these options (and your list of hidden threads, if you have any), go here (but do save first if you have made other changes on this page).

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:16:27

Sounds complicated to me.

Why can't they just treat SN as they do with 'the other place'?

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:18:20

And then after you click the blue 'here' you get this with a little drop down box with yes or no:

Special Needs Topic

The Special needs topic is managed separately on an "opt-in" basis. If you'd like to include Special needs threads in your Active Conversations list, please select the yes option here and click Save.
Show Special Needs Topic?

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 23:19:29

Polt Mine says "no" but it still comes up on "most active"

zzzzz Wed 16-Oct-13 23:20:20

"Most active" is different to your own "active"

It seems it's defaulted to show SN topics on my page as I can't remember ever seeing that before. Mind you, my memory isn't brilliant...

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:21:14

But if it was hidden or harder to find so many parents would miss out. The point of SN Chat was that threads would disappear after 90 days.

We don't want it on 'Most active' I guess, do we?

PolterGoose Wed 16-Oct-13 23:28:08

Yes, you're all right, I apologise blush I had never even noticed that bit and assumed you were talking about active convo's and variations there of, but it's the tab thing next to discussion of the day <slaps self>

Agree with you all, MNHQ should bloody well not be putting SN threads on there.

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:30:27

OK - I'll hit the REPORT button on this post

FrussoNeedsGin Wed 16-Oct-13 23:31:51

Hmm. Doesn't show in "active" on the mobile site unless you follow polters route and opt in.

I've reported as well.

Yep, it's on 'Most Active' right now.

wetaugust Wed 16-Oct-13 23:35:06

I sent MNHQ this


You can see from this thread we're a bit confused as to whther SN topics are or are not displayed in Most Active.

If they are, and it seems that they are, then the feeling appears to be that SN Chat is not appropraite for Most Active as it has some intimate converstaions on that thread.

Could you please host a discussion on what so SN users can make their feelings known. Do we do so on the SN thread or Site Stuff?

Thank you^

FrussoNeedsGin Wed 16-Oct-13 23:41:27

It's on "last 15minutes" too.

pannetone Thu 17-Oct-13 09:39:17

Quick morning rant please. In our area there is a teachers' strike today. 8 year old DD's school is open but her teacher is on strike and she will be 'taught' (it won't be curriculum lessons)/supervised by a TA - not her usual class TA. DD has HFA, selective mutism and severe anxiety and has been in a complete state about going in today as it won't be her 'normal' lessons or teacher. I made the decision not to send her after half an hour or so of tears and her refusing to get out of bed. It seemed pretty reasonable to me that given her anxiety and her need for routine, plus the fact it isn't a 'proper' school day, not to send her in.

Rang school. I explained. Reception lady tried to persuade me that dd would be ok, she 'knew' the TA who would be taking them etc. I explained again from DD's perspective. I then got told the absence would be marked as unauthorized. angry I said i considered severe anxiety a medical issue and that it could be authorised as that. No response, then a begrudging comment that she 'supposed I should do what I thought best.' It is such an uphill struggle to get anxiety recognised by the school as a 'proper' condition.sad

Trigglesx Thu 17-Oct-13 10:27:26

pannetone one would think that they would be a bit more understanding. DS1's school has some teachers on strike today, however, they sent notes home with the children last week detailing any changes for each individual student. Thankfully, no changes for the primary students, mainly the older ones.

It's frustrating to think that you'd have been better to simply ring in saying she was ill rather than being honest with them about the situation.

okthatsweird Thu 17-Oct-13 10:29:29

I kept Ds off school yesterday and today, He has not been himself since last Thursday with cold symptoms he seemed to of peeked last night sweat was pouring off him and the poor mite couldn't breath. Wouldn't surprise me if HT marks this as unauthorized seeing as he wanted to punish him for not doing his work.

What really miffs me is when Ds tells CT he is feeling sick (which happens very often believe me, if I didn't go by my own instincts he would never be in school!) they call me and when I collect him he is fine but when you can actually SEE that he is under the weather e.g grey face, red glazed eyes with black circles they don't notice??? confused

pannetone Why is the medical expert working as a receptionist? wink so has she actually marked it as unauthorized? If so can you not get a letter from the GP to cover?

SallyBear Thu 17-Oct-13 10:33:00

Pannetone - We have schools on strike here too. Twins Secondary is closed, but I'm making sure that they have finished outstanding work. The other two dc's schools are open thankfully.

We had a letter about DD's attendance being about 84%. Bearing in mind that she's had years of time off for surgeries, recovery and illness she still works hard and gets reasonably good grades it pissed me off that we needed to talk to the school about it. I ignored it. We are not dealing with a 'normal situation' ffs.

Galena Thu 17-Oct-13 10:34:49

I thought if a CT was striking the school were not allowed to insist their class was in. They are not allowed to cover the class.

Trigglesx Thu 17-Oct-13 10:36:13

I thought if a CT was striking the school were not allowed to insist their class was in. They are not allowed to cover the class.

That's what I thought as well. It would seem a bit counterproductive wouldn't it? confused

PolterGoose Thu 17-Oct-13 11:09:02

I've just posted some of this on my update to current shenanigans thread, but want to share here too!

Well, have just been to see Senco at secondary and what a bloody difference. Lots of "we can do that" or "we do that for some children already" and some fabulous flexible thinking. Ds's school action plus funding should transfer across for Y7 so he will still have 15 hours which is a lot for a child who doesn't need 1-1 in actual lessons. Things that can be done are exit pass so he can leave a lesson if he needs to, meet and greet in the morning, leaving lessons early to avoid the crowds in the corridors, arrangements to eat lunch somewhere quiet, possibly explore a task in the science block for break times, SEN TAs run a lunchtime support area, individualised programme in the study support centre if any particular lessons are problematic, they could timetable in after school homework sessions so ds has it in his timetable to do homework at school. All the little things that help reduce his anxiety and make his life a little bit easier, without a battle. Just such a difference to my experience of primary, very happy grin

To add to that and especially in view of Triggles very recent school meltdown issue. The Senco told me about a recent situation with a Y7 boy who's is being assessed by CAMHS and who has big difficulties entering classrooms. Apparently there was a last minute classroom change and he went into panic and meltdown, one of the TAs guided him away from the classroom and just waited until he'd vented, sounds like she stayed calm, made no demands, just stayed until he was ready and then arranged for him to do his work outside the classroom. No drama. I mentioned to the Senco that not all schools would have responded in that way, his response was very much, well, how else could we deal with it, he needed to vent, he wasn't a danger, we wouldn't admonish a child in that state, Senco was genuinely shocked that anyone wouldn't deal with it in such a gentle manner.

I also mentioned how ds can appear to be coping but it gets delayed and leads to anxiety/meltdown/anger at home. Again, he had experience of this, and, most importantly, believed me that it happens, primary have always been more sceptical.

I think we might just be very lucky with this school. The icing on the cake would be if the boy who goads ds goes to another school so I never have to see his parents again angry

SallyBear Thu 17-Oct-13 11:42:00

Homework. Polter. Don't forget to talk about that, how it's given out and where it's recorded etc.

SallyBear Thu 17-Oct-13 11:42:39

Oh and yes. The Senco has a fabulous attitude about this. grin

PolterGoose Thu 17-Oct-13 11:54:45

Sally apparently the after school homework club thing is well staffed and very supportive, helping make sure the children know what they're supposed to be doing, Senco gave examples of children who would get home and the homework they'd written down or been given wouldn't make sense, so the after school thing is set up to prevent this. In theory it sounds fab. I just need to get ds into decent routines right from the start so it's embedded, if we don't do it from the beginning he won't do it.

SallyBear Thu 17-Oct-13 11:59:50

DS does homework after school or instead of language lessons (he opted out due to Dyslexia and refused to do ASDAN for GCSE). It works well because h/w at home doesn't make sense to his Aspie brain. I even got that written into his statement.

pannetone Thu 17-Oct-13 12:14:46

Yes I had hoped that the fact that their CT was striking would mean that her class wasn't in - that's what happened with the last strike. The letter from the Head made a point of saying that covering the class with a TA would still mean it 'counted' as industrial action because the class wouldn't do any curriculum work. hmm All I know is it certainly counts as disruption for DD.

Don't know if the receptionist (well she is the 'finance' lady) has actually marked it as unauthorised - wouldn't have thought it's her decision. I am still angry that she used the unauthorised mark as a threat against me if I didn't get DD into school. (Actually she wasn't listening properly - I'd said DD wasn't coming into school - I hadn't rung for advice or to ask for 'permission'.) I am going to check what the absence is marked down as and who makes the decision. And I want both the office ladies notified of DD's difficulties and the fact she has diagnosed conditions. It was hard enough deciding what to do with DD this morning and I don't want my decisions questioned, or to meet with barely disguised disapproval.

PolterGoose I am so pleased that the secondary school sound so clued up about how to help your DS. And as is often mentioned on MNSN it can be relatively small adjustments that help a lot. It reqires the right mindset and attitudes - and wow, that the SENCO (?) you spoke to appreciated how our children can appear to be coping in school, but at the expense of huge meltdowns at home.

DS3 with HFA is in Y7. His school are doing well with him - latest example was that DS had a huge panic about starting contact rugby, down to even being able to tolerate wearing the mouthguard. I rang in that morning (had got DS to school but once there he rang and said I had to come and get him - I didn't) and he was 'sorted' by the Head of Year who then spoke to the PE teacher. DS was told he only had to do the parts of rugby he felt he could manage. Result - DS managed to join in most of the session.

I have still taken note of all the School can offer your DS Polter - I want a meeting so they can be more 'pro-active' in their support. A month in it is apparent that DS would benefit from somewhere he can 'escape' to at lunchtimes when he needs.

PolterGoose Thu 17-Oct-13 12:15:40

Same with ds! One of our worst triggers is bloody homework, so having it timetabled has the potential to make a huge difference to his home life.

PolterGoose Thu 17-Oct-13 12:23:59

pannetone there's no way the secretary can make that decision, it's the HTs responsibility.

The Senco asked me about PE in view of ds's hypermobility and SPD, it's one area I just don't know how it will go, but ds might just need some extra TA support with what to expect and preparation for physical contact. Some stuff we just have to wait and see. PE and food tech are my biggest curriculum worries, everything else is around transition times and lunch/break times.

I really wouldn't know even half the stuff to ask about if it weren't for people sharing stuff on these boards and knowing what can be done. It's bloody scary!

Galena Thu 17-Oct-13 12:32:30

Can anyone help a desperate dad on primary education (sorry, can't link on tablet) whose 5yo son is being investigated for ODD, is trashing the primary classroom and has been excluded? It's called 'Help, 5yo excluded'

I'm not really sure how to advise him...

ouryve Thu 17-Oct-13 14:30:58

Will have a look in a minute, Galena.

OT has been observing DS1, today. We had a long chat this morning, then she spent an hour with him, observing him and doing a few tasks. She's very perceptive! She's even asked if he's been considered for a diagnosis of ODD or PDA and has noticed how expertly his TA has to negotiate with him to get anything out of him. She also agrees that, despite their best efforts, "inclusion" isn't really happening because he stays on the periphery and can't wait to get away from his class. She's also said that, while she obviously can't recommend that he needs to be at xxx school, she can see exactly why we think it would be a good placement for him.

This is looking to be money well spent.

Trigglesx Thu 17-Oct-13 14:32:39

Galena a couple of us have posted on there, and also encouraged him to come to the SN boards for more info as well.

ouryve Thu 17-Oct-13 16:14:15

He's had it deleted, anyhow.

Galena Thu 17-Oct-13 17:05:13

He has? What did I miss? I thought people were being helpful... Thanks to those of you who did go over there...

ouryve Thu 17-Oct-13 17:06:03

The deletion message said it was to protect privacy.

Galena Thu 17-Oct-13 18:26:04

Is it wine time? DD didnt go to sleep till after 9 last night - just arsing around... so today she has been vile. Screaming when anything hasn't gone her way and being ultra-awkward. This afternoon I decided to get her to cycle to the park to meet a school friend so she's cycled 1.4 miles and spent an hour at the park. Here's hoping she sleeps tonight!

SallyBear Thu 17-Oct-13 18:39:22

DS1 has the arse with me. He's not been doing all of his homework. Nothing is being written in his planner and I found stuff screwed up in his bag that needed to be done. angry So iPad banned for a week and he's grounded. Today he and DD were home due to the strike. She goes shopping with her best friend and he stays home sulking. Loving these teenage years. Wondering how long he will keep this up for? It's been three days so far! confused

So winewinewine for me tonight.

PolterGoose Thu 17-Oct-13 18:48:26

wine for Galena and Sally

I'm shattered, the last 2 weeks have been super stressy with the stuff at ds's current school, working towards transition, a bloody exam and a whole new computer system thing at work that, like all government IT systems, is cumbersome and built for monitoring what we do and not to make our jobs easier. I've just realised I've been so focused on the anxiety stuff with ds and school I completely forgot to get them to meet their obligations in terms of his social and emotional development. And ds has just told me his TA keeps dismissing him when he wants to talk to her because she has to work with other children, and she hasn't been supervising playtimes according to him, so I've had various agreements to what I've specifically requested, but other stuff that I assumed was happening isn't. Another email needed. Or reapply for SA as that worked well last time wink