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Friday the thirteenth at the Goose and Carrot

(334 Posts)
PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 15:48:53

wine all round I think

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 16:10:32

blush Posted on the other thread, but am not going to repost and drag all my crap over here.

Bring on the weekend and definitely the wine grin

autumnsmum Fri 13-Sep-13 16:16:23

Hello everyone not a bad week dd2 has started at her ss which is more than amazing . She has been a bit upset being put on the bus but has been fine there .She has also been talking to the bus escort which is fantastic

MovingForward0719 Fri 13-Sep-13 16:18:14

I don't join in with this very often, but can I pop in this week? My little man has gone full time in his special school this week and started using transport. It's all gone pretty well but I feel deflated! Is this normal? I spent a whole year waiting on diagnosis, statement, school place and for him to start and now I feel a bit, oh. It might just be the shock of getting up early for a whole week!! Hope you have all had a great week anyway.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 16:19:07

I so hope you have a better week next week moose wine wine wine for you

Ds seems surprisingly ok considering it's been first whole week back, had his actual teacher for 2 days and then 3 days with 3 different supply teachers, including Miss Trunchball, had swimming which he hates but will tolerate, and dp has done school runs all week as he's been off.

Hope everyone has a good weekend

RippingYarns Fri 13-Sep-13 16:20:50

thanks i'll have a wine

you know those ever decreasing circles?

we're in one angry

new teacher, new rules, same old incontinence and stress for DD

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 16:22:14

autumn glad ages talking to the escort, give it time, she's very little smile

Moving I think we get so used to everything being so hard that we are constantly ready for the worst, so when it goes well it takes us by surprise and feels like a waste of all that planning and worrying and energy we've invested. Glad it's gone well smile

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 16:25:51

Oh Ripping I don't know if it's anything like we had, but we had real problems in the early years of school with teachers being bloody arrogant and thinking they knew best so dismissing everything the previous years teacher had set up, and then it all falling apart and having to start again angry

wine wine wine wine wine

autumnsmum Fri 13-Sep-13 16:28:55

Thanks polter I know she's tiny and at nursery it was full blown hysterics so defo an improvement

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 16:31:08

Yep, sounds like an improvement to me smile

(that post should have started ...glad she's talking...)

RippingYarns Fri 13-Sep-13 16:47:46

NQT with not much about her sad we've not met with the new senco yet, i have my notes ready for that meeting next week <evil cackle>

hey ho, it's the weekend

anyone got anything nice planned?

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 16:51:21

Autumn, that's brilliant news grin Its a bit of an anticlimax though isn't it when you've been anticipating problems and they don't materialise!

Ds2 wet himself at school. Unfortunately they brought him to the office to wait for me so when I got there he was chattering away to the receptionist and playing with her stopwatch. I could see the gears turning in his brain: wet pants = fun and games in reception hmm

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 16:53:25

Oh ffs! It's not looking good for next week. Tempted to refuse to send him in until they sort it out properly - but think ds would hate me for it.

Just had a call (15 minutes after pick up should have taken place) to tell me the taxi was stuck in traffic so they are likely to be a bit late - implying they're on board but traffic is heavy. Nope, shortly afterwards - half an hour after pick up time - ds phoned me on his mobile (thank heavens we bought him one) to tell me the taxi had failed to turn up - again! angry

At least he was inside the school with a teacher this time though - so a small improvement on last night.

angry

Off to read the thread now.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 16:59:08

Moving, I think Polter has summed it up for me. I always feel odd and uneasy when things are going well. I'm so used to the sort of crap we're getting hurled at us at the moment and having to fight every step of the way, that I can't settle.

Autumn, early days, but great news that she's happy while she's there and fantastic that she's chatting with her escort. All very good signs. smile

Ripping, it's infuriating isn't it, same problems year in year out in a never ending cycle. wine

Summer, why on earth didn't they just help him into some spare clothes and send him home with a carrier bag containing the old ones? Even our crap school can manage that.

OneInEight Fri 13-Sep-13 17:01:33

Good week here for a change!

ds1 settled back nicely into SS. Taxi consistently late but nothing as bad as others have been having. I don't think he spoke to the driver the first week but this week has been giving directions for a quicker way home grin.

ds2 has been offered a placement within an ARP base attached to a small mainstream primary. We have visited and it seems well set up so there is a chance it may work. Fingers crossed.

And despite foolishly arranging an oncology appointment for Friday 13th I got an all clear and discharged. Very happy.

DIY jobs planned for the weekend so we can have attempt number 4 at house selling in the New Year.

Can I join in this week?
DD started reception on Monday. First full day today. She is shattered and a bit withdrawn.

Not really sure how she's gone. I think she is avoiding most activities and finding it full on and hard work. Predictably her toileting has regressed and she has had accidents.

Met with SENCO this morning to write the statement request up.

Feeling sad for her and worried about her.

Have bought wine

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 17:05:55

Bloody hell moose this is just appalling, I cannot believe they still haven't sorted it. TBH I would probably keep him off until it is sorted, it might get school applying some pressure if he is absent...

Summer surely they could have stuck him in his PE kit or something confused

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 17:06:42

Blimey, that does sound like a positive week OneInEight. Really pleased for you - especially on the oncology results. flowers

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 17:09:40

PRN starting Reception is so hard on both the kids and their parents. My dd started on Thursday last week and has been off sick since Tuesday this week. hmm She was totally wiped out at the end of each day prior to that, so think she was an easy target for this horrible virus.

I'm not going to tell you not to worry, as I am just the same and know it's impossible, so have a ((hug)) and some wine and chocolate instead and good luck with your statement request. flowers

Great new OneinEight flowers

I need to remember that she found it hard to settle in to nursery and got there in the end. She will be OK (ish)

I just so hope they give her a statement. She needs it so badly.

I have found the sweet and salty popcorn and am drowning my sorrows in that.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 17:14:10

Polter, I know. I think I am actually all out of rants now it's been so ridiculous. I really do want to keep him off, but I know he won't stand for it, he really likes it there and will be furious if I stop him going.

I just wish I could drive so I could take him myself for as long as it takes to get it sorted.

Dh has an interview not far from the school on Monday. We were hoping that if it gets it it might mean he could at least take ds in the mornings, so halve all this transport crap - but apparently the new job will involve regular trips to London, so he wouldn't be able to guarantee he could take ds every single day. It would mean however, that if they fail to pick ds up in the afternoon he could nip round there and pick him up himself.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 17:24:22

OneInEight fab news flowers

Prince hope you get the support she needs. Ds was very unreliable with toiletting all through reception, it was fine, he wasn't the only one and there was one day when the teacher apologised to many parents for an activity that was so engrossing most of the children forgot to go to the loo grin

Trigglesx Fri 13-Sep-13 17:31:40

moosemama I would be keeping him home - when the school questions why, you can cite unsafe transportation is making it impossible to get him to school. If they can't provide a safe service, then it needs to be escalated and a major complaint made.

summer I agree with others that there are better options, even PE kit would work.

oneineight congrats on the all clear!

Some ups and downs, but all in all DS1 had a good week. He came home all thrilled today because he is a class rep, but then went on about how he will be walking to and attending meetings by himself, unaccompanied. He said "brave boys can leave by themselves." shock Oh. I. Don't. Think. So!!! My little runner boy is going NOWHERE by himself, thank you. A quick ring to the teacher after school confirmed that he was utterly mixed up. Yes, class rep. Yes, meetings. But he will be picked up and walked to the meeting (in the same end of the same building) and supervised by said teacher and then accompanied back to class after the meeting. Teacher laughed when I told her what he'd been saying, as she knows his history and his habits of running when the opportunity presents itself. She said no way was he going anywhere by himself. Whew!!

MovingForward0719 Fri 13-Sep-13 17:33:06

Autumn - glad it went well. Think I spoke to you on another thread about transport. My little man has been great going on the bus but the times have differed wildly. The afternoon it doesn't matter as I have booked my other child into after school club, at a cost. The mornings don't matter at the moment because he's going to an 8 o clock sports activity so I'm dropping him off first but the times the bus is arriving is going to make him late once he's back to normal time. I only live 5 mins from school but he's just not quite mature enough to do it by himself every day. Life !!

Prince It's great that you are getting going with the statement request this early on. Reception is hard. Try not to fret too much (advice I have never followed myself)

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 17:34:05

That did make me laugh Triggles and how fab that he's a class rep grin

Trigglesx Fri 13-Sep-13 17:34:43

moosemama let's see.. the LA is ultimately responsible for the transportation, right? So if they cannot provide adequate (safe and reliable) transportation for him, then they need to provide for a tutor at home then? Maybe send them a letter asking what their backup plan is, since their primary plan is clearly not working.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 18:06:28

Well done MiniTriggles for winning the job of Class Rep. grin Thank heavens he was barking up the wrong tree at the idea of wandering around the school unaccompanied!

I don't know what to do about refusing to let him go. Will have to have a frank discussion with dh tonight about it I think.

Ds1 has just arrive home (well about 10 minutes ago). Escort didn't bother getting out of the car - driver did, but was failing dismally to communicated with him through the boot, as he didn't bother opening ds's door or telling him to get out. hmm I really couldn't be arsed to let rip again, so I just grabbed him and took him inside. Apparently the escort didn't get out at the school either, but today they had two LSA's accompany them to the taxi.

Found out today that they are contracted to pick him up from our door and drop hand him over to school. Escort is supposed to get out and accompany him both ends. LEA was furious when they found out the bloody van has been dropping him 3 doors up and just letting him out there to walk up the road on his own. Fortunately, each time this has happened I've been hanging around by the front window and have gone out to meet him, but according to LA it's another way they've breached their contract. Ridiculous thing is we have the widest expanse of drive on the street, loads of room for the minibus, even enough for them to turn around if they need to. confused

SallyBear Fri 13-Sep-13 18:18:32

Just a quick update on DD and her TA saga plus being chased through school and the personal remarks about her face (she's just has plastic surgery and is extremely sensitive right now).

Our meeting this morning went well. School admitted that whoever had made the TA decision had no understanding of DD's situation. The girl has been spoken to by the school. It was allegedly a huge misunderstanding.... Hmmmm. Not sure about that. Anyway, she will be having a mentor session every two weeks with a member of staff, and they are going to start up peer group sessions which she will join plus they're looking at activities that are dance and music orientated so that she can make new friends. The TA will hopefully be reinstated and used until half term with a gradual withdrawal in favour of a different TA that DD will help choose from the ones assigned to her. So in summary, I think the school have got the message.

SallyBear Fri 13-Sep-13 18:20:53

Oh and I meant to add that I got the distinct impression that the Asst Senco was delighted to drop whoever in the shit about taking the TA away, as she'd obviously said at the time that it was a bad idea and had been out voted.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 18:26:08

That sounds like a good outcome Sally smile

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 18:38:59

Well done Sally. Here's hoping things improve rapidly for dd now.

Good to know that the Asst Senco is on your side too.

zzzzz Fri 13-Sep-13 18:46:56

Hi all! Goodness aren't you all keen for drink this week? Wouldn't it be blissful if we really could all meet in a pub?

Everything is about to get better here as the kidney stone/stent disaster is finally over. I've promised myself to be inert till tomorrow, but fingers are itching to get out to my garden/back to training the dog/haircut/greenhouse.....grin you get the picture. Hooooooooray. [embarrassingly over enthusiastic emoticon]

Have been finding this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1851616-If-an-11-year-old-child-mimicked-another-11-year-old-child-for-their-disability-in-school-what-do-you-think-should-happen?msgid=41541951#41541951

A little hard going. It's weird to be criticising a sn mum, but I feel really shocked and sad for the other child.

Small miracle of the week, ds offered me a glass of water and made it for me today!!!!! shock. Dd2 whispered "Mum! Mum ds1 volunteered for a job". grin. I caught her giving him a kiss and saying "well done for being kind to Mummy." My cup runneth over.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 18:58:15

Glad you're getting well zzzzz and a huge WOW for ds grin

I read some of that thread earlier sad

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 19:06:34

Irish teachers won't change a wet child. Even the SNA is just supposed to wait with him til I get there (I am literally across the road so its just a couple of minutes) but for whatever reason she wasn't free (she's shared between 3 kids in 2 rooms) so the receptionist (who he knows well) kept him with her.

I'm not pushed about that, its the agreed course of action if he has an accident, the kids don't have pe kit... In fact he was already in track pants as the uniform is so relaxed its barely uniform. I just know him well enough to know that hes now thinking 'I peed in school and not only did nothing bad happen, I got to play with a stopwatch. I wonder do I get to play with the stopwatch every time I wet myself? I should do it again and see!' [we so need an eye rolling emoticon]

Sally, I'm glad to hear it went so smoothly cake

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 19:11:12

God I missed loads of posts while I was writing that (dinner time chaos!)

It sounds like there's a lot of us in need of the vino tonight wine

SallyBear Fri 13-Sep-13 19:27:04

zzzzz I read a couple of pages about the post. Difficult really. There's the protective instinct that kicks in to protect your vulnerable child, but then there's the doubt about the poster's intentions. The first two pages of the thread didn't say what disability her child had and I was a bit disturbed with how violent she felt about the 'naughty' child.

Anyway zzzzz - hooray for no more kidney stones and stents. Hooray for you getting your life back onto a more even keel.

zzzzz Fri 13-Sep-13 19:40:14

I think I would feel red rage if someone so much as sniggered at my babies, but I pray I would calm down enough to see that the other child's issues are not just a "drain on the resources" of the school. Both my children with sn are uber passive. They are sitting ducks for bullies really, so I do empathise with the OP. I need wine.

Trigglesx Fri 13-Sep-13 19:52:08

Something just seems "off" about the whole thing re that thread. The OP's reactions are really out there IMO, almost rabid. I would be upset if someone did that to DS1, but at the same time, I would expect a solution to include education for the schoolchildren - certainly not kicking them out of school. confused I find myself wondering why she has no regard whatsoever about the other child's possible difficulties. And irritated that she and her SIL have discussed the child in question (confidential info).

FrussoHathor Fri 13-Sep-13 20:25:11

I feel bad coming in to say finally dd has suitable transport. Taxi and temp escort to start next week. I have never had such a stressful time even when she was in ms.
wine for recovery is needed.

ouryve Fri 13-Sep-13 20:37:55

Oh, definitely.

Apart from A certain Boy helping himself to everyone else's tuck shop money, so he could look at the years and pictures on the coins, causing a lot of commotion and confusion, in the process, today went swimmingly. Until DS2 whacked me in the face, a few minutes ago. Been sat with an ice pack on my temple and nose and I have a cut on my nose, from my glasses. He caught my lip, too. Poor DH is going to get some filthy looks off people if I bruise!

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 20:39:12

Don't feel bad Frusso. We are all here to celebrate the successes as well as bemoan the almighty cock-ups. Hearing others' successes is what gives the rest of us hope.

Well done for fighting and winning. wine

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 20:40:13

Ouch ouryve. wine

ouryve Fri 13-Sep-13 21:00:06

The vino opener has arrived after settling boys to sleep. Thankfully, he's jsut got up off his backside to open said vino, or else i might be forced to glare at him. Not a good look with a red nose.

FrussoHathor Fri 13-Sep-13 21:08:01

I have no fight left now mama
I'm so tired by it all.
I think the ultimate straw was when I wasn't called back when someone said they'd call back. I have to admit that made me see red.

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 21:12:28

ouch ouryve.

Hope the swelling goes down soon wine

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Fri 13-Sep-13 21:19:08

I'm getting hazey drunk tonight so am hereby buying her a bottle of wine and putting it behind the bar.

First glass lined up.... wine

Had a good week this week, bluechick being v lovely!

zzzzz lovely story about your DS!

Cheers everyone. wine wine wine

We've had a good week mostly. Not tons of meltdowns but school refusal and the behaviour that goes with it started again this morning sigh. Looks like another year of battles to get him sorted and out the house. Oh well I've had a few fays grace!

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 21:24:32

ouryve ouch flowers and very amused by your ds and everyone else's money grin

Glad you had a good week Bluebird more wine?

Days! Blasted correct! He likes school though at the moment! I really hope that continues.

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 21:25:42

Oh blueeyed hope you can resolve the school issues flowers

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 21:29:42

Frussor, that's exactly how I feel. Totally wiped out, like I just don't have an ounce of energy to fight with. You do though don't you, you have no choice.

I am sick of being lied to, not having my calls taken, playing telephone ping-pong, not being called back and that's without being sick to my stomach at how easy it is for these people to let my ds down on a daily basis.

I have to admit, I've been making dh make all the calls this time - I just don't have it in me to do it myself at the moment.

hazeyjane Fri 13-Sep-13 21:31:23

Aah, thankyou bluebird - glug!

Will read thread in a minute. Am a bit stuck with ds, who is struggling a bit in a sea of snot.

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 13-Sep-13 21:48:11

Hi all. Sorry so many have had difficult weeks especially when they are basically due to the 'authorities' not doing their jobs properly.
Great that Frusor and Sally have got things sorted out but they shouldn't have had to.
zzzzz good news on the medical front and I loved both Ds and dd's input.

We are having teething troubles here too. DS says he is enjoying 6th form and seems to be managing the increased work load and travelling independently. However his OCD is noticeably worse having improved a lot over the summer. Yesterday he got seriously stuck in his rituals and although he was finally finished in time to go in for the afternoon, he couldn't face it. He was distraught saying that if he couldn't get over the OCD nothing was worth it and he just wished he was normal (his words). Worst thing was I couldn't stay with him as Dd had an appointment and I had to collect her from school. He did manage to calm down and got on with some work while I was out.
School seem to be taking his absences in their stride and helping him catch up with work but he didn't have time to eat his lunch today because so many teachers wanted to see him at lunch time.
School have also arranged a dyslexia reassessment for him. I only requested this in July. Last time he had an assessment I had been requesting it for 9 years at three different schools!

Dd seems happy back at school but we still haven't had a response to our appeal about transport. It cost just under £100 for taxis for her this week. Obviously not sustainable so another one calling the LA on Monday.

Thanks polter I didn't manage to last year so here's hoping with this one!

FrussoHathor Fri 13-Sep-13 22:27:00

That's exactly what we've had mama a 2week+ game of pass-the-buck and back tracking and "we'll call you back"s and "sorry they're "on annual leave" well they weren't when I spoke I them 30 minutes ago. angry I'm still not happy with them. I may well put in a complaint just to get an apology from them for all the stress they've caused.

mama I can't believe the trouble you've having. I'm disgusted with your escort.

ouryve Fri 13-Sep-13 23:07:38

Thankfully, the red has gone and there appears to be no swelling or black eye!

I do wish I'd found some flexi frrames I could use with varifocals, though. I found nothing that actually suited me, at the time.

FrussoHathor Sat 14-Sep-13 08:17:10

I hope you are still black eye less this morning ouryve

Dd2 has a swimming lesson this morning. Fx for ban attention drawing behaviour.

autumnsmum Sat 14-Sep-13 09:25:32

Lovely to hear about everyone's weeks dd2s school have suggested that she brings a toy with her for the bus

moosemama Sat 14-Sep-13 15:55:05

Urgh, I have come down with dd's virus. Inevitable I suppose with the all the crappy stress this week.

Been curled up on the sofa with her all day quietly going insane due to repeat TinyPop kids programmes. hmm

On a happier note, if anyone wants to see a picture of a daft puppy in a Dennis The Menace jumper, just go to my profile pics. grin

PolterGoose Sat 14-Sep-13 15:59:03

moose get well soon flowers Pip is so very gorgeous grin

moosemama Sat 14-Sep-13 16:05:15

Thanks Polter.

Cute he may be, but he's so bored with me being ill today - he's driving me up the wall with his norty antics. hmm grin

ouryve Sat 14-Sep-13 16:24:05

My nose is still a wee bit red, but thankfully, doesn't seem to have bruised! I can only wear my loose glasses that slip down my nose a bit, though.

DS2 was up, with all the lights on, playing with his pull back Thomas engines, this morning, at 4am. Both boys have been rather snotty all day. DS2 did a huge wet sneeze, all over the floor in M&S blush

autumnsmum Sat 14-Sep-13 19:33:26

Sorry everyone's poorly just read thread about how to keep two year olds entertained and realised my dd2 who is four this month wouldn't manage half of it my fault for reading thread

FrussoHathor Sat 14-Sep-13 22:41:27

But autumn think of what your dd does do that other mums just take for granted; but is so rewarding when your dd does it.
Like the smile she gives you, that makes the world a better place for a moment or two, and you know that she loves you, and nobody could do what you do for her better than you do. And when she reaches a milestone it you want to shout it from the roof tops because of the sheer determination and hardwork and love that you and she put in to get her there.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 14-Sep-13 22:55:04

Hello there I just found special needs chat board, and this thread... Is this bit for parents of children w sn or for disabled parent with nt child?

moosemama Sat 14-Sep-13 23:03:38

Welcome DoubleLife and it's for either. smile

This is a weekly thread where we all congregate to congratulate, commiserate, celebrate or cry depending on the week we've just had. Everyone's welcome and there's always plenty of virtual wine cake and [chocolate] (we really need that emoticon).

The SN chat area is where threads disappear after 90 days, so if you want to discuss something that you don't want to appear permanently online this is the area to post in.

Personally, I am an nt parent of ds1 (11 who has ASD) ds2 (9 nt, but some traits of ASD) and dd (4 who appears to be nt - so far!).

Pull up a bar stool, open a bottle and tell us a bit about yourself ... if you want to that is.

moosemama Sat 14-Sep-13 23:05:00

Sorry should have said, I am an nt parent with an as yet undxd neurological condition - so kind of in the never never land between sn child and sn parent when it comes to these threads I suppose. confused

SummerRain Sat 14-Sep-13 23:33:26

High double smile I tick both boxes, SN children, two of them, and I'm on the spectrum myself but undiagnosed.

Big day here that only you lot would understand. Ds1 got violent and dp actually talked him down instead of losing it too... First time they've both come out of one of these encounters without a meltdown shock It was nice not being piggy in the middle for once.

Ds1 has been trying so hard lately, I'm so proud of him. I want to ask you ladies with older kids something though, ds1 knows there's something different about him but so far I haven't given him the names or gone into detail about his dx. He obsesses about stuff, he knows he's hypermobile and talks about it constantly and gets upset about it. I'm worried telling him about the ADHD and ASD will just cause more obsession but he's started asking questions. Do I explain his dx or just keep using the 'everyone is good at stuff and finds other stuff difficult, X is just something you find difficult but you're really good at Y' line and similar approaches?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sat 14-Sep-13 23:48:03

Hello there then yes I'd love to join in if I may? Love cake and wine here as definitely less calories than the ones in my bedroom currently trying to seduce me... Ahhhh caaaake!

I've been on mumsnet for about 3 yrs and find it a source of great wisdom and support... Or awful and cruel attitudes that can crush me, especially on the lovely disablist threads that come up.

I became disabled almost 5 yrs ago now though it doesn't seem that long, had my amazing son who is now 3.5 and honestly, the only thing I live for.

I have found my 'new life' one horrible long struggle, although I know I am really really lucky compared to other disabled people as

A. I was lucky enough to go to uni and get high (ish) up in my profession before I got ill, and

B. I am able to speak eloquently and stand up for my rights/ what I believe in and

C. Although dh ran the second the going got tough, my sister is dead, and my parents do not do support, I do have some people who can help me. Two amazing girls i grew up being friends with and their mother, they came back in my life and I couldn't do without them. Between them they also cover law, civil service and medicine, so are very useful to have around.

Even with all that my life is lonely, precarious and fighting battle after battle ... V similiar to lots of people on here I am

My life is a daily struggle of hospitals, treatments, tests, carers, social services, and all alone with just my boy. I also work (v) part time as although very bad for me physically is a good thing mentally and is the only thing that doesn't mark out my 'other' status. love love love working its bizarre really how much!

I have good days & bad days, as you do. I struggle and often sound v miserable when I post, but in rl am 'together' and seeming ok, as how can you let people into this world I'm trapped in, they don't get it and don't want to.

I worry about my son all the time, growing up with carers all the time, not doing normal stuff with him, or with other mummies & kids. what to say to him to explain why we're different. How to protect him.

Was watching child of our time on iplayer, the amazing artist with her son... She has no arms and foreshortened legs so v disabled. He said something about how precious time without her carers there was her, and how hard it is with them always around. Struck a chord with me, and now having a bit of a cry.

That's me in a rather long nutshell!

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 09:20:04

Hi Double and welcome from me too flowers

I have a 10yo ds with Aspergers, sensory processing disorder and hypermobility, me and dp probably have Aspergers as well and I have some hypermobility. Hope you find the Goose and Carrot welcoming and stay around. I don't have even a fraction of the difficulties it sounds like you have but life would be extremely lonely without the SN boards and the wonderful people on here.

Summer I told ds straight away, he got dx at nearly 7, he was finding life so hard he needed to know, it has helped him a lot knowing he's not alone and he's enjoyed reading books about Aspergers and with characters with Aspergers. The first book we looked at was 'All Cats have AS' and I understand there is also an 'All Dogs have ADHD' which if it is as good as the AS one will be worth getting.

SummerRain Sun 15-Sep-13 12:04:36

Those books sound brilliant polter. I just really want to avoid him responding badly.

He can be very negative, tends to pick a difficulty and obsess about it, very disparaging about himself. He has been known to scream and shout and get really upset about the hypermobility since I explained its why he struggles to write, disproportionately so. A strange mix of using it as an excuse not to try and sobbing because he 'hates my hypermobile hand, why do I have to be hypermobile'

Double flowers welcome to the goose and carrot. Don't worry about sounding miserable in here, this place is for venting about and celebrating all the things that affect us, many of which the majority of parents wouldn't understand. We all have good days and bad days and there's always someone here who understands.

Your ds sounds wonderful, I'm sure he sees you the same way any child sees his mother: the person who he adores more than anyone else in the world. If you were healthy and didn't need carers you'd be working ft and see even less of him. Keep in mind, very few mothers get much time alone with their children, especially if we have several kids. No matter what our personal set up we all wish we had more time and energy to give our kids, if it wasn't the carers it would be a job, or a sibling, or a family member, or a partner, etc. He knows you love him and thats the most important thing, everything else is just logistics.

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 12:21:26

I know what you mean Summer it is hard, I've been lucky that ds took to it well, but he still struggles with liking being different whilst also finding things hard and not understanding other children at all.

Hi all,

MN all over the shop. Sometimes can post, sometimes not. Probably a sign that I'm on here too much.....

Lovely to hear your lil man doing well on transport and at ss Moving

And to all the others doing so well in their first weeks....

Moose I hope the school get a grip. FFS!!!

Hi there double

Well, my dd is starting Reception tomorrow. She is NT (but a blimmin 'interesting' version imvho). She is a young carer and until tomorrow her daily weekday life will have been majorly affected by ds.

She can't wait and I am very happy for her. But I resent the last few years of her needs being ignored whilst I fought battles for ds, and I resent that I have missed out (As as soon as ds was sorted baby came along).

I know I will also be angry beyond all measure tomorrow when I say goodbye to her knowing she is well cared for, safe and will do well. This is because of who she is and NOT because of the school though it is an excellent one for those who meet the sausage-factory mould or who like her can pretend they do with flair.

The anger will be about the memory of when ds started school, or perhaps the next school, or the next, or even the next, when my distraught fearful face was met with patronising platitudes and promises I rightfully doubted would be fulfilled, again.

But goodluck to my dd, who will now learn how the world hates the brother she adores, and who will fly past him academically and socially, who quite honestly may well fly past her classmates given the maturity she has acquired from living with her brother, and good luck to her teachers. I am immensely proud of her and hope that the school we have chosen fits her well.

SummerRain Sun 15-Sep-13 13:00:18

Starlight, {hugs} to you and good luck to your dd tomorrow.

My eldest is my nt child and in a family of non nt people that brings its own challenges. So much is expected of her that isn't expected of the boys, and her social skills and ability to 'fit in' with nt children is bewildering even to me and dp.

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 13:13:13

Starlight flowers good luck for dd, I know you have that awful guilt that she's missed out because of your need to prioritise ds1, but most nt children really don't need that much in the way of 'active parenting', she is a happy confident child who wants to progress and can do so in a fairly typical way, she'll be fine, she will thrive. You may, however, want to ask hazey for tips on nt girl play dates wink

Thanks Polter and Summer. Actually just got some lovely news. DH took dd our on her new bike (she got for her birthday) and she could very nearly ride it, but, ds had a go and actually did it, and lovely dd was delighted with him.

He's been taken out many times but never could do it, and now he has, on her pink bike, and it is a relief that he managed it just ahead of her too as he would have found it difficult if she could and not him.

And she really didn't mind and expects to do it in one or two more goes.

autumnsmum Sun 15-Sep-13 15:35:14

Hi star my eldest dd is my nt child and she has coped v well I do feel guilty that her two younger siblings seem to take up a huge amount of my time however she is a lovely well adjusted young girl obv I am biased being her mum

zzzzz Sun 15-Sep-13 15:49:19

"But I resent the last few years of her needs being ignored whilst I fought battles for ds, and I resent that I have missed out (As as soon as ds was sorted baby came along). "

star you touched a nerve with me. How well you put it. Some days I mourn and rage for the life my children might have had. Such a muddled sidelined existence even with Dh and I working our butts off. I often wonder if "I did my best" really makes anyone feel better. sad

Honk honk

moosemama Sun 15-Sep-13 16:44:46

Same here Star and zzzzz. I was full of heartache and anger when dd started full time the week before last. She was born just as the huge battle for ds1 started in earnest and has never known life without a stressed, pre-occupied mother. I desperately didn't want her to go, I wanted more time with her now things supposedly were calming down and I could finally focus on her, instead of fighting for ds, but no, I'd run out of time and she was being taken from me, to turn into a primary school clone. sad

Then she was off sick every day except Monday last week and joined by ds2 Wednesday through Friday, so I got three long pj days with my two nt dcs (with ds1 out from 7.30 till 5.00 pm - or longer every day) and it was lovely - despite them both being ill.

Feel like I'm going to go through first day heartache all over again tomorrow though. sad

She is an amazing child, her empathy for other children never ceases to amaze me, whilst at the same time being secure in her strengths and making sure everyone else knows about them too. She is the girl the teachers always ask to hold hands and sit with the child who is upset or missing mum and the one who naturally asks the less socially able child to join in her game without consciously noticing that they are struggling. She has it so hard at home from her highly critical and overbearing eldest brother, but through it all she somehow managed to become an incredible, empathic and patient little person and I'm so proud of her for that.

Ds2 is the same. He has had it much worse than dd, as there's exactly two years, 8 days between my boys and he has been ds1's emotional and social crutch for pretty much the whole of his life. He is long-suffering, caring and has the incredible ability to get along with just about anyone. He has a group of friends, rather than just one and he always makes sure the two boys in his class I suspect have undxd ASD are included in this group. He is kind and patient, incredible with little children, especially his little sister and wants to be a Reception teacher when he grows up. smile

Galena Sun 15-Sep-13 17:18:00

Really sorry, not got time to read the whole thread to here. I wondered why everyone had gone quiet then realised I wasn't on the new thread!

I've had a very quiet weekend. DD isn't quite right - she's not actively poorly, but is coughing a bit, a little snuffly and has lost her voice (which is sometimes a sign of a chesty cough on its way). She also has recurrent oral thrush following some antibiotics at the start of the summer holiday. We keep clearing it, and then it comes back a week later.

I spent this morning taking cross-stitch patterns out of magazines and putting them into 'might stitch' and 'eBay' piles.

hazeyjane Sun 15-Sep-13 17:31:48

Hello

Worrying for and about my dds wrt their lives with their brother is very hard, I think it is one of those things that people without children with sn have no idea about.

Goodluck for your dd tomorrow, Star.

Sorry to hear your dd isn't quite right, Galena, I hope it turns out to be nothing.

Hello Double, nice to see you here. smile I have 3 dcs, 7 and 6 year old girls (nt) and 3 year old ds (who has a genetic condition).

zzzzz. how are you feeling, hope you are recovering nicely.

Polter, haha, yes I consider to be something of an expert in how to host playdates for 6/7 year old girls - get out the facepaints, stick the tv on, let them run riot, feed them inordinate amounts of crap and.....oh hang on, don't EVER EVER listen to anything I say about playdates.

Dd2 just told me that she would like to watch a film her friend watched, apparently it was called - Diarrhoea Ponky Kid. It has taken me about an hour to work out that she means Diary Of A Wimpy Kid!

And talking of diarrhoea, ds has suddenly taken a real dip, awful diarrhoea and a chesty cough, he has just fallen asleep on my lap.

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 17:36:33

Oh dear, get well soon mini-Galena and mini-hazey flowers

grin grin at Diarrhoea Ponky Kid

defineme Sun 15-Sep-13 18:20:40

If anyone is around can they look at the thread in active convos about sleepovers -I think motheroflight is getting a terrible flaming from a lot of people with not one clue about parenting kids with sn.
Sorry can't do links, but it's in AIBU and it's prioritising friends over family in sleepovers.

I think the op could do with some understanding.

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 18:39:48

Galena and Hazey - hope your DCs are feeling better soon!!

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 19:06:36

HA... you know me... ever willing to wade into AIBU and sling shit around. That ones a bit tricky, as I suppose I see why the sister doesn't want to socialise much (I deal with that sometimes due to DS1) but at the same time, I imagine the OP feels pretty hurt (if you can't rely on family to be supportive and socialise, then who can you rely on, eh?).

Galena Sun 15-Sep-13 19:07:52

Sorry to hear DS is proper poorly, hazey. Hopefully it's teeth or ear related and not a tummy bug.

DD ate a normal dinner, and now says her tummy is sore. Hopefully it's not a stomach bug (I hate dealing with sick) and is more her chest which is sore. DH is going to dose her up with calpol and ventolin and we'll see how she goes.

Sorry so many of you are feeling sad that your little ones are going to school before you've had a chance to have quality time with them. I can assure you they won't be feeling like they've missed out and they will know they have loving mothers.

Trigglesx Sun 15-Sep-13 20:32:35

Dontcha just love it when it all comes down to "when my children were naughty, I disciplined them." Yep, okay. People are clueless, and prefer sometimes to stay that way I think.

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 20:37:46

Triggles fantastic posts, I think the OP should bow out now and leave the thread to wane.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 15-Sep-13 21:26:56

Hello there, been reading all your posts and this sounds like a nice place to be smile

It's the constant fighting that exhausts you/ us/ one isn't it? I totally agree with the frustration of the never ending phoning and chasing and repeating stuff over and over again.

I just got my notes from social services, I first requested then last November. You know, the obes they have to provide within 40 working days. And the amount of chasing and reasoning and demanding and arrangements that are ignored, that stop me spending time with my child, or working, or medical appointments. It's a self fulfilling prophesy on their part... Disabled people cannot do anything and are useless, so treat them as such, making their lives into one constant draining struggle. Disables person gets too ill from having to struggle so gives up work, has family taken away and is left useless and non functioning. Well done social services. Another feather in your cap. Another person whose life you have ruined.

Well, I think it takes a special kind of skill to delay and confuse that long. A special kind of skill to deliberately carry on doing things that actively contribute to someone's pain and suffering. How do people keep on doing this kind of stuff, that's morally reprensible, legally wrong and swears black is white and sheep are men... It's disgusting.

The notes are just the tip of the iceberg, but I can't even face thinking about the rest.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 15-Sep-13 21:41:09

By the way, am very ill today as I went out with Ds (& carer) yesterday. Went to a circus in the park near me, Ds loved it, I came away with a sour taste in my mouth.

The clowns and the schtick between them and the ring master was pretty awful.

Guess I was feeling sensitive and also conspicuous as well, but it was either sexist ridicule or worse

'oh you're so fat / you have a mustache / you're so ugly' directed at the rather large lady singer...

Or picking on the tall skinny clown with the glasses, and whenever he got hurt/ ridiculed/ sent off the stage, he did these faces like ... Erm, I have no idea how to describe them without offending you all, but... Faces like some disabled people make... And some cruel nt people take the piss out of. You get the idea.

They'd been really good about working out how to get my mobility scooter into the big top & made the experience accessible. But I just sat there, feeling so f*cking humiliated as they showed exactly what they thought of fat women and disabled people (yes I'm both). It's taken til this evening to even talk about it to anyone.

I won't complain, as have other things worse to complain about, and they weren't being deliberately cruel, but it f*cking hurts. As I'm sure it would for some of you too. But I don't think anybody else even noticed, which is a whole other hurt in itself.

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 22:07:10

Double sad and flowers

zzzzz Sun 15-Sep-13 22:14:05

I'd have noticed, and I'd have hated it too. You poor old thing. Chin up my dear, they know not what they do.

brew cake and we are listening.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Sun 15-Sep-13 22:24:10

Thank you lovely people - its mean but true, knowing two other people would have felt the same pain is strangely comforting.

Am imagining two people sitting near me in that tent also going slightly green and making some kind of sign to let each other know we get it!

PolterGoose Sun 15-Sep-13 22:30:27

This place is a bit like that Double I've become a much better advocate for my ds since getting active on here, I feel the strength of all the amazing people who post here with me when I need them. It's very powerful just knowing everyone is here, and even though we may have very different circumstances and very different lives, and very different opinions at times, I don't think that detracts from the strength many of us gain from being here.

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 05:06:03

<yawn>

Ugh, been up since 4 with ds who is coughing well.

Double that is grim, even my 6 and 7 year old dds would have thought that was wrong.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 06:27:02

hazey brew

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 09:07:28

Ds2 walked across the playground this morning while all the other kids were there, usually he insists on waiting til the bell has gone. Unfortunately all the older kids crowded around him (not nastily, the older ones just like to make a fuss of the babies but I could see him freaking out a little as he hates that sort of attention) so he probably wont do it again!

Hazey brew

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 09:37:28

Thankyou for the brew but I may need strong wine.

Dd2 had a relapse of her enormous anxiety induced meltdowns this morning, and i was unable to get her on the bus, she screamed, the bus driver waited, she carried on screaming, everyone on the bus stared, the bus had to go, it was bloody awful. I have had to ring school and say we will be in late morning, when she has calmed down.

Honestly I don't know what happens to her when she gets like this, but it is like she is caught up in the middle of a hurricane, she is completely unreachable, and all you can do is wait for the storm to subside.

This was not a good day to have decided to give up sugar.

NoHaudinMaWheest Mon 16-Sep-13 10:18:34

Hazey double sugar in the brew I think. Not a good morning and a long one. Has dd gone into school yet?

Summer that's a shame that Ds2's progress was spoiled by others' good intentions.

Finally got a date for DD's school transport appeal 2 weeks today. They want all paperwork by next Monday so I have made half a dozen phone calls this morning trying to chase everything up. Fingers crossed we are successful as I really don't know what we will do otherwise.

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 10:25:37

Good luck nohaudin, everything seems to revolve around paperwork doesn't it sad

Hazey, never mind giving up sugar for today. It's not a good day to do it.have a sweet cuppa to keep you going. I hope dd2 has calmed down and your day is improving.

FrussoHathor Mon 16-Sep-13 10:44:00

Honk honk hazey

Well dd went in her taxi this morning. Lets hope all goes well and they get her home again without any major incidents --of screaming, seatbelt issues, or throwing, or biting PA etc. I need this to work.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 10:54:34

Good luck NoHaudin , often others don't see the need for urgency in paperwork that we know is there.

Hazey , that sounds grim - hopefully she's calmed down now and peace is restored.

Double I would have hated that circus. I really dislike 'comedy' at the expense of others. It is unnecessary and unfunny.

Frusso fingers crossed for a peaceful journey to and from school.

DD has gone to school. She is still coughing a bit, but full of beans. I hate the reduced contact we have with the teachers from preschool. I know it's normal and I need to man up a bit, but I was going to let them know that, because she is coughing, she might need her inhaler. But there was no chance because other parents needed to talk to the teacher and then she took a crying one and led them in. She did actually help DD up the steps today, and then the TA came along after they were all in. I think I may suggest that they try to get her out a minute or so before the bell. Ah well.

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 11:23:46

Galena, I pop into the office with information like that and ask them to pass the message to the relevant teacher. Or if I have time I write a note in the homework diary.

It takes a while to get used to the communication at primary, especially with our kids who need more input than most.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 11:27:18

We don't have a homework diary yet (Am going to ask if we can set up a communication book for me and her TA so I can pass on silly little messages like this - and the fact that, being a bit under the weather, she might get tired quicker). And I once asked the office to pass a message onto the TA and it never got to her, so I'm a little reluctant to rely on them!

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 11:32:48

I can imagine, our school is tiny so more chance of messages reaching their destination. In fact the resource teacher or sna are quite likely to be in the reception themselves in the morning so I can just tell then directly, and dds inhaler is kept in the reception so letting the receptionist know she may need it more than usual is exactly who I need to be telling.

It gets easier as they get older and you can tell them to pass on a message but in the meantime a communication book sounds like your best bet.

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 14:03:28

Galena, would it be possible to do what i have just done with dd2's teacher, which is to leave a message with the office asking her to call me back by the end of the day. She has just called after having a chat with dd2, apparently she was put in a maths group appropriate for her level, but I asked whether she could starts at a slightly lower level until she is completely confident. The other bit is a bit odd, because dd2 said that her legs hurt when she sits on the carpet, and her arm aches when she writes (she says this about cleaning her teeth too). Dd2 was a late walker (21 months) and saw a physio who said that she was slightly hypermobile, but it shouldn't have an impact in the future, now I am wondering whether this could be why she gets uncomfortable.

I am so determined to do the no (ok less) sugar, because I think I have become a sugar junkie. However I am now drinking a coffee with 1 sugar, because otherwise I m not going to make it to bedtime!

cake this is what I really want.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 14:04:01

It gets easier as they get older and you can tell them to pass on a message wishful thinking here Summer ds just started Y6 and no chance grin

NoHaudin good luck flowers

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 14:08:00

cake for hazey and do follow up the hypermobility, it very much does cause the difficulties your dd is having. Physio and OT should help.

I now email school to main school email address with 'FAO whoever' which is working well so far.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 14:08:04

I chatted to the teacher and they agree a communication book would be a good idea. smile

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 14:09:47

Polter grin ds1 will do it as long as I give him explicit step by step instructions. If I send something in for the teacher and I fail to tell him 'go straight to teacher and hand it to her as soon as you get in's he'll come home with it still in his bag and say 'but she didn't ask for it' with a baffled look when I query it hmm

Funnily enough though with the right instructions he's more reliable than dd!

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 14:12:00

Carry messages??? Do other people's children really do that? grin

Even my most forward and nt is totally unreliable grin

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 14:13:15

hazey your morning sounded exhausting. Hang in there.

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 14:15:40

Hazey, sounds like hypermobility alright. Worth asking for another physio referral as it can cause a lot of pain. Ds1 as orthotic insoles which have helped the leg pain immensely and we're working with the school to teach him to type so he can use a laptop instead of writing as he struggles hugely with writing and it's pretty illegible.

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 14:20:21

Zzzzz, my nt child is my least reliable tbh. Too ditzy and busy chatting to her friends. Ds2 is brilliant, he's only been there 3 weeks and is already ferrying paperwork back and forth between me and the resource teacher. Tell him something once and he remembers until the end of time (there are massive downsides to that knack as you can imagine wink)

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 14:28:04

Sadly all mine are very like their Mother!

Hi All,

DD's first day went well for her and will put some photos on shortly as she has the most magnificent chair-bag kindly made by a regular on this board that she shows off in one of her pics.

Sadly for me, the day was ruined by my enabling liability of a mother and we fell out within minutes of her arriving and said some outrageous things that had me surprise myself by telling her to leave immediately.

She came back, stating that we have to agree to disagree but quite honestly it isn't something you can agree to disagree about. Either she thinks the things she said about me or she doesn't. If she does, she's no mother of mine.

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 15:56:42

Oh star could you perhaps take a little holiday from your family? They sound utterly draining. cake

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 15:57:30

Glad dd had a good first day Star but so sorry you've had to deal with your mother being awful <bucketloads of empathy> flowers

FrussoHathor Mon 16-Sep-13 16:20:55

Anyone know what will work to keep a Hypermobile child in a car seat?

My brother was aggressive towards me in front of my children and dd was looking worried. I covered up for him by laughing, sticking my fingers in my ears and saying 'la la la' and DD grinned.

We were talking of Christmas and Mother says that she and my brother come as a unit. I said I couldn't risk it due to kids. Brother says I made the whole thing up. Mother agrees. States it was all my fault for 'upsetting him' and then quotes things she heard me say then that 'shocked her' that were a total fabrication. In truth I said barely anything.

It isn't possible when a 6 foot 2 37 year old is towering over at you shouting in your face, and pretty unwise to say anything remotely 'shocking' when your 2 young children are watching.

Incidentally, this innocent bystander of a brother of mine appears in court tomorrow for assault and theft.

Though it isn't his fault of course........

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 16:35:53

Frusso, do you mean they are getting out of the 5 point straps, or that they need more support with a booster seat?

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 16:36:47

Star you know my view, I cannot see how you can sustain a relationship with her right now, it is too destructive and damaging for you, and you and your dh and dc's are your family and your priority, but I'm not a great one for duty. I really don't believe that just because you are related to someone means you must allow them to treat you any which way they choose. You would not stay in a relationship/be friends with someone who did that and you would not do it to your friends, your dh, your children. Because you do not behave in that way to someone you love, end of.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 16:39:41
Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 16:41:24

And star , listen to Auntie Polter. She talks great sense!

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 16:50:05

star Time to listen to polt, don't teach your dc this is any kind of normal.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 17:03:47

Galena and zzzzz I was a bit worried I was coming across as heartless, I'm very aware that my views on family duty differ greatly from most.

Ah, it's not about duty. When we pretend the elephant in the room doesn't exist she can be really lovely and my kids adore her, and she adores them.

But the unsaid stuff doesn't bother me until it is said and I realise that her perception of me is so very far from my perception and imo reality (she believes with all her heart that me and my brother are as bad as each other despite the fact that I have only ever shown support for him and is supposed never-ending 'recovery from drugs' and listened and nodded at every 'success' despite being a bit doubtful that all is as it seems, whilst he spends every second with her making accusations against me and our other two siblings). He's succeeding at carving for himself her soul and her money for his exclusive use.

But I'm not her saviour. She's a grown woman. My children need me and they have gone long enough without the mother they deserve for other unfair calls on my time. It's a sad situation but it isn't of my making. I know that at least.

Funnily enough zzzzz, I think for the first time ever, I am planning and likely to get agreement for a meet up with sibling 2 and 3 and get drunk and talk through our childhood.

There have been so many secrets and so much playing off against each other for the benefit of my brother, we pretty much all simply survived our childhoods isolated and lonely with our problems that we could not and dared not share with each other as the extent of our survival would have needed us to play the others declared weakness in order to have a fraction of our needs met.

But why is all this coming to a head now? Is it because I have become a mother myself? Is it because of the desperate and drastic measures I have taken to try and ensure my ds has the least amount of suffering, and the guilt I feel for my dd and now that the two oldest are doing well, my absolute enjoyment of my baby!? Is it just that I can't see how anyone can raise a family the way we were raised!?

My mum has had a pretty hard life. She was treated appallingly growing up and is a survivor of an abusive father plus the circumstances-forced adoption of her first child. My Dad had some kind of social disorder. Not clear whether it was a dx-able disability or a personality disorder tbh, but he wasn't easy to live with and her life was all about playing the supporting role in his.

Grrrrr. Sorry for hijacking/ranting.

SummerRain Mon 16-Sep-13 18:13:01

I'm with polter on the family stuff, there's no duty to maintain a relationship just because you're related unless both parties show each other kindness and respect.

But that's easy to say when it's not my family, I've spent 11 years watching dp recover from a shifty upbringing by useless parents and he still goes back for more. I would have cut ties years ago but he can never get to that point.

My own mother has serious issues, I moved out of home at 17 and got to the point of hanging up on her and avoiding contact before she reigned in the crazy. I was a hairs breath from never communicating with her again. We get on well
enough now as she knows not to cross certain lines but my dad still allows her to do it to him so she does.

Life is too short to allow someone to abuse you just because they gave birth to you.

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 18:24:35

Oh dear Starlight, I'm afraid I have no advice (I have an utter fuck up of a family, and so far have maintained relative sanity, by burying my head well and truly in the sand about it all), but I sympathise and agree with what Polter is saying (whilst not actually following her advice myself).

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 19:02:34

I can't give you the attention I should as RL is a bit full on till later. I allow myself to be exploited because mine are lovely sometimes. To be honest I feel enormously lucky that I have my Dh and children. Sometimes that leads to guilty overcompensating with my family. The last decade has been a bit of a roller coaster. Dh and my dc come first, but we are stable enough at the moment to help where we can.

Dh has my back in all things and so much of what used to be so very difficult is more academic now. Taking a break from people whose actions make your emotions consume you has been a very good coping mechanism for me.

Honk honk

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 19:03:31

You know I love our "pub". Do you think we are all going to grow old and wise together? grin

I've definitely grown old!

Trigglesx Mon 16-Sep-13 19:07:46

Old here too. And my family is utterly fucked up, so I certainly can't provide any insight there either.

Useless tonight, I really am. grin

On an irritated note - after 3 courses of antibiotics and a steroid, after each course, my ear and sinus felt better - now I'm getting jaw and ear pain again. I've got an appointment to check my teeth (I have 2 cracked teeth - long story but stemming from a rotten dentist when I was a child), but the teeth themselves aren't sensitive or anything. And the teeth right by my sinuses are aching. Odd, eh? I'm all screwed up.

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 19:07:59

Whispers.. It's 7pm and no meltdown! He's grouchy and stroppy but he hasn't gone!! This would be the first time since school year started that we didn't have a meltdown..

Scared to hope!!

I've calmed down a bit. DH has come home. He thinks we can just go on like before just ignoring the issue and not talk about it with my mother. He said it's worked for 39 years of my life after all.

She can continue to think badly of me if it suits her, I have no need to confirm whether or not she does and there is nothing I can do to change it, nor should I try. I can simply state my boundaries and refuse to give a reason 'i.e. brother not coming for Christmas end of'. She can then choose what to do with that and I will refuse to get into a debate about the rights or wrongs of it.

He says she can think I'm evil from a distance, or in our house spoiling her grandkids but it isn't my problem it's hers, and provided the kids are happy.

Not sure I can do that tbh. So much has surfaced recently. She never kept me safe from my brother growing up. In fact she never kept me safe from anything nor looked after my wellbeing. I grew up in a constant state of adrenaline and desperate for escape. I had pitiful self-esteem and nowhere to turn. The thing is though that this is in the past and I don't much see the point of revisiting it, but this all brought back the memories of when my brother hid my school books, stole my dinner money I had starved myself to save to buy new shoes as the soles were flapping on the ones I had and I just daren't ask for a new pair, ripped up my school work, my gcse essays laughing and my mother always blamed me for it, whilst refusing me a lock for my room as 'we are a happy family that don't hide from each other'.

I gave up even telling my mum anything, because all bad things inflicted on me were my fault. I was also 'boring' whenever I raised an issue.

Ahhhhh, maybe I need to go and find the stately homes threads.

Funny, because only a year ago I looked at them thinking 'oh poor people', glad I had a stable upbringing'.

hmm

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 19:24:19

As he's currently upstairs absolutely sobbing because he can't find something absolutely inconsequential I'm guessing its about to start hmm crap.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 19:30:36

Oh no Nickname I was hoping you'd avoided it!

DD is still vaguely poorly. Enjoyed school, but got tired. Didn't go to gymnastics later though. I've been a bit of a rebel with DD's first school reading book. The teacher had a word with me and explained they'd given her an easy book to make sure she could comprehend what she was reading. She also gave me some inference-type questions to ask her when reading. The story was SOOO basic (Liz and Digger can run. Liz can run fast. Digger can run fast. etc) that DD found it really difficult to answer the type of questions. There just wasn't anything to go on, except the pictures. So I recorded that she'd read it easily and answered questions. I also put that she'd read another book. I have put the other book in her bag, with a note explaining that she could answer various questions about it. Hopefully the teacher won't think I'm being pushy.

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 19:32:30

OhNickname, I'm sorry.

When we are growing old and wise together in our pub, I will wear a comfy cardigan, old lady slipper boots and drink port and lemon.

It is very hard Star, I cannot bear to even think about stuff from the past, and i carry on doing what your dh suggests you do, but it isn't healthy.

youarewinning Mon 16-Sep-13 19:41:45

Can I join in? I'll bring wine if I can have a rant. grin

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 19:45:32

Star you made me cry, I don't do crying. It is only since having ds that I realise how fucked up my childhood was and how deluded my mother was and is about her parenting. For a long time I believed her hype sad

Interestingly dp's parents are difficult, but more in a because they are quite elderly Daily Mail types, but they love dp and ds completely and utterly unconditionally.

FrussoHathor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:01:47

My darling mother hmm raised me and dsis to be competitive, playing us off against each other, and encouraging us to play each other off to her. And now wonders why we don't like each other. Or that "everything is a competition" hmm
More recently (in the holidays) she had dd1 and dnephew staying over and made them to maths and reading and writing to see who was better. And better atswimming, or cycling or digging a sandcastle etc etc.
my dd won't be staying there again. She got enough of her own anxieties.

FrussoHathor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:05:18

But oddly it is only since having my own children that I've realised quite how not right her parenting was.

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 20:06:40

It's ok! I'm actually pleased - we had 10 mins of crying, 20 minutes of death threats (how ridiculous does your life have to be for your son to tell you quite emotionlessly that he's going to kill you and your reaction is to look at the clock and think 'if he gets this out of the way now he still might get a decent nights sleep' and then the kicking of doors etc for a few minutes.. BUT he's calm, he's in bed (am I the only parent who thinks I can't even comprehend suggesting he brushes his teeth tonight) and the major plus for my son is that once he's in bed he's asleep.. It's like someone switches off a light in his head!! So that's it till tomorrow.. It wasn't so bad tonight.. Only had to restrain him once and that was very briefly to stop him throwing a metal dogs bowl at me hmm.. I just re-read my post.. When did life become good if I didn't have bruises? There should be a women's aid for mums!

Someone hand me the wine!!!!!!! Don't worry about a glass lol

sad

Sorry Polter. I didn't mean that. Give me a sec and I'll put the photos on I promised that should cheer us both up hopefully.

I'm less angry now and have a plan, - well more like avenues to explore rather than hopeless helpless misery. I have a little more TIME available with 2 at school so might be able to explore proper self-help strategies.

Does anyone here know much about Mindfulness? I've heard it's becoming popular for tackling stress and depression but has also recently been used with children with ASD for anxieties. It's not about going over the past or worrying about the future but on living in the present and forgiveness if I've understood correctly.

Might explore that for a bit........... see if it helps me and if it will be useful for ds as he enters puberty.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 20:11:01

Nickname hope he's ok smile

Frusso the last time I saw my mother she told ds he could go and stay with her without me in whatever the next school holiday was, no fucking way, she's convinced she could 'cure' him away from me angry this is a woman who had me walking round with a broken ankle for a week because she didn't believe I was in pain.

Well done nickname!

grin

FrussoHathor Mon 16-Sep-13 20:12:29

<hands nickname a bottle>, (isnt it odd how normal it all becomes, or rather how immune we become to it) will he stay asleep now?

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 20:13:04

Ooh a lets talk about our parents thread? Yikes that could take a whole.. Seriously fucked up father.. After he got kicked out for DA went onto beat up his new wife so badly he hospitalised her.. Have had no contact for 11 years and aside from an occasional debate in my head if he's dead yet I don't think about him.. I should point out at this stage the man is seriously evil.

My mum died several years ago.. She wasn't mum of the year but she really turned it around before she died.. Which I'm eternally grateful for, it left a memory in my kids heads of a grandmother that should be (and is) missed as opposed to the memories they would have had if she hasn't had got her act together!

My exdh (kids dad) had ridiculously functional parents.. I adore his mum to bits, but god it weirded me out.. Sunday lunch no one would be drunk and they would talk to each other?? I am incredibly grateful to them though for taking me under their wing - I am a much better parent for having been apart of their family!

Oh frig, I have to clarify my last post in case anyone thinks I'm crazy enough to think that I can cheer up Polter with a picture of MY daughter.

hmm

Though perhaps it is more fun to just leave it at that.......

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 20:15:40

As for ds, yup ones he's asleep that's him done.. I can't actually remember a time when he's woken up in the night! It's like the lights go off and so does his brain! isn't considering at all about taking light bulbs out tomorrow night

Never had a bad dream (that I know of), never woke up with a tummy ache.. Nothing.. Actually that's really quite odd now I think of it!

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 20:32:53

Whoever mentioned mindfulness I have a qualification in it.. It's not ideal for ASD (even if you limit the visualisation, the 'empty' space is quite frightening for ASD) but also incredibly powerful for anxiety etc. happy to advise on a brief technique to give insight if interested?

Trigglesx Mon 16-Sep-13 20:41:08

Mindfulness? confused

DS1 in bed asleep. He usually does well until about 1-2am. Then after that all bets are off. grin

I don't have any wine - but I've got Diet Coke, so I'm happy. smile

Tomorrow is baking day - oatmeal raisin cookies, and I'm highly tempted to make a batch of sinful brownies. grin

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 20:51:47

Star she looks so lovely, the chair-bag looks huge next to her, I did follow the measurements grin

Despite all the crap, at the end of the day I wouldn't be me, each of you wouldn't be who you are, without our experiences. And if things had been different, perhaps we wouldn't be such fighters and such good advocates for our own children.

okay. Photos on for a bit.

have you seen them all. Only just got them. 4 pics. plus baby one.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 20:53:38

Nickname I'd be very interested in that flowers

Trigglesx Mon 16-Sep-13 20:54:32

Star - she's adorable!!! What a lovely girl!! smile

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:22

I've only done the first two levels so I might be missing something but my tutor at the time (I asked if it could help ds) said as its particularly hard for Asd kids to visualise it makes it harder... Not impossible tho!!

Yes nickname, me too.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 20:55:39

Star seen them all now, it looks fab <blows own trumpet>

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 20:57:33

My ds is very good at visualising if you explain well, he is even better at getting someone else to visualise! It's the old 'if you've met one person with ASD you've met one person with ASD' thing

Thanks Triggles. She's my light. She's going to be a disability rights lawyer (can argue for Britain) and do a side-line in architectural law to help ds who will be an architect.

She will go through puberty when I go through the menopause and she'll dye her hair pink and take up belly dancing, living a bit of life before discovering her flair for arguing for her brother's rights and buildings.

hazeyjane Mon 16-Sep-13 21:04:34

Gorgeous photos, Star.

I have a new photo of dd2 on my profile (just to let you know what I'm up against!)

Triggles, just saw your post about teeth - are you a tooth grinder? I cracked 2 teeth and lost half of one through grinding, it also gives me awful pain in my ears and jaw, where I clench.

The tooth grinding/clenching obviously bears no relation whatsoever to my previous post about how I happily bottle up all my feelings about my family...oh no...

Yes. She asked me to take a picture of it in the classroom hanging on the chair. She's so proud of it.

Thank you again. And sorry the pictures don't show the detail of the little bird well. She absolutely adores it and kept her 'snack' in the little pocket.

moosemama Mon 16-Sep-13 21:09:21

Star, lovely photos of your beautiful girl. smile That chair bag is awesome, I've never heard of them, let alone seen one before.

I am keeping away from the parents/relationships part of the thread, sorry. I daren't start, with my family/parent I'd be here all night. Same as many others though. I thought my upbringing was normal until I had kids of my own ...

Big problems hear tonight. Ds1 had several successive meltdowns over his maths homework, then I noticed he was wearing his db's favourite pjs and asked why. Eventually managed to drag out of him that he has been wetting the bed and the night the transport failed to collect him he got through no fewer than 5 pairs of pj bottoms, which he had hidden in his bedroom. sad Apparently he's really struggling with maths (been here before in primary) and worries constantly about homework, but that led to another huge upset, because apparently he promised his TA he wouldn't worry about homework, but he does, so he's broken his promise. sad

Finally, I found out that last week that transport was dropping them off 10 minutes before the school opened and whilst we thought he was waiting in the taxi, they were actually just kicking them out in the carpark and leaving them there unattended. angry Now they are arriving at 8.00 so they can go straight in, but have to wait in the 'crush hall' (actually the dining hall) until 8.35 when the bell goes, but he can't stand the noise, movement, echo etc and it means he's starting the day off full of anxiety.

Add to that the fact I've got dd's rotten virus and we have an extremely poorly puppy and I have had a shit day - quite literally in parts. sad

Haven't even got any wine ... and it's only Monday. <<sigh>>

Ha ha, that picture made me laugh hazey

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 21:15:53

star those are very cute photos. I love the chair pockets. smile

I am sitting laughing internally at poor dd2 who is trying desperately to anotate a picture of her model of a plant cell. She decided to make it out of jelly. SO funny. It has to be done by bedtime (ie in 16 minutes). The panic. The jellytastic creation! grin. Sometimes I wish I was 10.

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 21:16:35

Oh moose your poor poor ds, am so sad and angry for him, and hoping you and Pip get well soon flowers

hazey grin

PolterGoose Mon 16-Sep-13 21:17:21

zzzzz grin

Oh Moose shock

But well done for unpicking all that. Imagine if you weren't able to get that information.

FFS, what is WRONG with them?

YOu need to make a list and then start to make yourself unpopular. Who is supervising crush hall? What are the alternatives?

What can the TA say to your ds to make him not have to 'break promises'.

Poor ds.

Jelly?

Is this homework?

Nicknameinvalid Mon 16-Sep-13 21:22:27

Ok! Give me some time to have a think about a couple of exercises that can be written down and explained easily.. There is a great one with a remote control clled the 'pause prescription' where by the buttons on the remote are visualised as controlling you.. So you can visualise muting the world if the noise is too much, or pausing life just for a minute to get your breath back.. Rewind and redo that last reaction etc? (Is this making any sense).. Presumably (I haven't tried it as my ds is far too literal and would be demanding people stopped moving as they should be 'paused' lol but an old remote without batteries could work as a visual reminder of the options?

Chairbag was made by the very talented Polter btw.

moosemama Mon 16-Sep-13 21:34:18

Thanks folks.

Star, you're absolutely spot on. I have written an essay in his contact book and we will be making another phonecall, accompanied by an email detailing it all, to the SENCO tomorrow.

We already have a list and to be fair, they dealt with everything on the initial list immediately after our first phonecall, so I do think they will act to sort all this out.

The 'promises' thing is another manifestation of them not getting how literal he is, but was probably said before I rang them last time. He definitely needs an alternative to the crush hall. I know they have a den where some of the kids who have ASD go at lunch and break-times, so I don't know if that might be an option.

Feels horrible having to gear up for the fight all over again, I was really hoping we wouldn't have to with this school.

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 21:34:41

What a gorgeous chair bag!

Galena Mon 16-Sep-13 21:35:19

And an even more gorgeous DD!

Mummyoftheyear Mon 16-Sep-13 22:57:04

Hiya
I'd love to join your chat next time you 'meet up'. Is it every Sunday night?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 16-Sep-13 23:19:58

Oh the hearing up for the next fight I know well moosemama, not schools but ss for me. Good luck and I wish you lots of energy and brain space to be able to sort it out in the best way for him and you too.

Loving this secret thread of kindness, support and empathy. You are balm to my soul actually.

Ds at nursery today and I was filled with guilt by needing to go out a few mins after he came back, so I took him with me to a totally awkward appointment. Am exhausted and in pain, but Ds not tear strained and distraught, so better option. He only has me you see, and hates being away from me being looked after by my carers so I can rest. It's total Velcro love from Ds, which is adorable, yet heart rending too! Oh I love him so much, he is my world and everything

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 23:40:43

Mummyoftheyear we start a new thread every Friday and just waffle on all week. In the day it masquerades as a cafe but at the slightest provocation it becomes a pub. grin. Most of us don't get out much, so we created a "local". Everyone is welcome especially if they bring cake

double I am rarely ever alone. Ds needs me. Bitter sweet.

zzzzz Mon 16-Sep-13 23:45:13

star yes, biology homework. The brief was actually "build a model of a cell". She felt jelly was the thing. grin. One assumes at some point she will stop smelling of lime.

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 06:04:04

Can I join in?

DS, 7, has a whole batch of issues that look very like ASD to me but which the professionals are determined to identify as attachment difficulties due to his adoption and early life history.

On moving to Year 3 his lovely TA has been forced to take unpaid leave for several weeks for pressing family reasons, so he has a stand in who is a lovely young man aiming for teacher training, but inevitably inexperienced in SN in general and DS in particular.

Actually despite all this he's doing ... OK ... But my 5 year old usually easy DD is starting reception and is a bundle of anxiety. she refused to go in yesterday, and has been up on and off since 4am. Sitting by her bed (me now wide awake) as she dozes, opens her eyes periodically and says 'Mummy! Lie down and go to sleep!

Does the pub serve wine at 6am?

autumnsmum Tue 17-Sep-13 06:23:05

Dd2 has a really love bus escort who has been telling us how's she's been on the minibus sorry to hear about all the ill children bug season seems to have started early

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 07:40:56

It's got to be Friday by now hasn't it?

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 17-Sep-13 09:20:51

Yes it's definately Friday and thank goodness, it's been a long week! Ignores diary, calendar, and everything else with a date on it...

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 09:29:46

I spent most of yesterday convinced it was Thursday so it works for me wink

Galena Tue 17-Sep-13 09:40:28

poodoctor, welcome! Definitelywine at 6am! Well done to ds for coping in a difficult situation. As for DD, could you sleep with / next to her from when she wakes till morning? airbed maybe? At least that way you both get some sleep.

And yes, let's have Friday today!

hazeyjane Tue 17-Sep-13 09:54:46

Hello MummyofTheYear and ThePooDoctor, it's nice to see the Goose and Carrot so bustly with new faces..

I am glad that it is Friday here and drinking at 6am is acceptable, the week has been far too long already!

Better school run today, dd2 went in armed with an 'anti achey wriggly leg' spray (some lavender oil, water and pink food colouring in spray bottle) and was fine getting on the bus, phew.

Loving the jelly plant cell. I wish ds had a faint hint of lime about him, rather than hint of poo, which is frankly his scent of choice at the moment.

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 10:32:49

Hi everyone. Its an early Friday. I don't often pop in (I'm too worn out by Friday), but today I need a drink, rant or a sob. Not sure which. I am feeling like a particularly useless parent failure. DS is 13, with borderline SLD ( attends MLD), ASD/ADHD. DH is away and things always get worse for the first day or two DH is away. Ds is very demand avoidant and controlling. He knows exactly what I don't like and enjoys annoying me. Sadly I am not the only one likes to wind up either. Sometimes he seems to put all his considerable energy into breaking rules and doing what people don't want. (we need a steam coming out of ears emotion)

Perhaps I should list what did go right this morning. He got himself dressed for school, (something that was still a struggle only a year back). He even had a hair wash last night, (can't call it a bath as he only stood in it for seconds) The washing machine (awaiting a new door for 15 days) is fixed.
I have come to the conclusion that the problem is partially that I have no enforceable sanctions now ds is bigger than me, and can work all the electronic gadgets better than me, and run faster.

Talking of scents of choice, I think ds is wee! He has gone back to weeing just a little in his clothes/the cushion he sat on -to avoid having to go to the loo. Thank heavens the washing machine is back working!

Trigglesx Tue 17-Sep-13 10:47:10

She will go through puberty when I go through the menopause and she'll dye her hair pink and take up belly dancing, living a bit of life before discovering her flair for arguing for her brother's rights and buildings.

Star This made me chuckle. My 27yo DD has just now discovered her "inner rebel" a bit and has had a tattoo (little one- baby steps, you know) and is taking some belly dancing classes to get more fit. She's always been so straight-laced, it's rather refreshing to see her moving the boundaries just a little. grin

Hazey I sometimes wonder if I do. I have a dentist appointment in mid-October (soonest I could get in, as it's not technically an emergency) and I'll bring it up and see - surely if I do, it would be apparent to them on looking at the teeth, right? confused Me? Bottle things up? Perish the thought! grin

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 10:47:34

Hi everyone can I drop in too?

Dd2 had her first day at the school nursery yesterday and went in without a backwards glance and left her stick outside!!!! which was good as she has been pacing and chewing a lot in the last few days and was happy when I picked her up.
Teachers said they found her laying down outside and she said that she was tired so they brought her in and they read a book to her. Does anybody elses child have hearing loss and r they children always tired as she does sleep well??

Trigglesx Tue 17-Sep-13 10:53:05

magso I dread the day DS1 (7yo) is bigger than me - I can see that things are going to be difficult to enforce. I'm trying to lay groundrules down now and get them in stone, but it could completely go out the window once he hits puberty, I'm well aware! Let's see - as far as electrical gadgets go - he can run them better, but can you passcode them? Or disconnect internet connection somehow that temporarily that he cannot undo? Or integrate a timer into the system? (I've heard windows8 has one - I've yet to find it) DS1 started doing the "weeing just a little in his clothes" thing over the summer holidays as he didn't want to interrupt what he was doing - I told him if he didn't use the toilet properly that he'd have to wear pullups during the day, which definitely got his attention. He doesn't like them (wears them at night only grudgingly but needs them then) and that was pretty much all the incentive he needed. (well, that and a few reminders the first day or two after that!)

Can't help you with the "running faster" thing - I'm at a loss at that one as well. grin

Trigglesx Tue 17-Sep-13 10:55:17

skuntoo welcome! Glad your DD did well at nursery. No hearing loss with my little ones, so no experience with that.

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 11:24:20

Magso, I'm another one dreading ds1 being bigger than me. I already have scars and bruises galore, last week he punched me so hard in the side of the head my ear was ringing for hours. Lord help me in a few years when he's towering over me sad

Skuntoo, welcome and congrats on a successful first day smile

hazeyjane Tue 17-Sep-13 11:29:34

Hello Magso and Skuntoo. cake/wine/brew for you both (delete as applicable)

Triggles, the dentist should be able to tell. Google 'bruxism' and it will list the signs. I used to wake up with a cracking head/jawache, as well as damaging teeth, but I knew I was doing it, as I do it during the day as well, also it runs in families and my dad and sister do it. I have a vair attractive silicon mouthguard that I wear at night, and when I want to let out my inner Janet Street Porter.

I have just had a Tesco delivery and didn't check my substitutions - Dds and I are doing a cake sale for Jeans For Genes day on Friday, and unfortunately my order of blue cupcake cases and blue food colouring was subbed for animal print cupcake cases and black food colouring, it is going to look more cheapo sex shop than charity cake sale, arse.

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 11:43:57

Hazeyjane love it. I ordered a load of monsters university miniatures for DDs party bags at the weekend and they substituted some horrible power ranger super battle toys. Not quite what I had in mind for 5 year old girls smile

Triggles and all, wine and sympathy to all of us with great big DC who can't hold their tempers. DS is getting better but also getting bigger, and when he wallops it hurts! On the plus side last time he connected with me he was in floods of remorseful tears and tried to run away to find a new family hmm.

Have any of you asked for training in how to physically restrain/ manage your DC when necessary? I'm tempted to ask if there is anything available like TeamTeach for parents, but worried about sounding weird smile

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 11:45:27

To clarify the wanting to run away wasn't a plus but the remorse certainly was!

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 11:45:50

Skuntoo, that sounds a positive first day. Thanks for empathising Triggles. I still get bruises, though rarely from thumps- more because ds doesnt know his own strength. I guess we must all be glad it is cool enough to wear long sleeves and opaques again. Life was calmer in the hildays its as if 'mummy baiting' is his antidote to having to conform at school. Ds is more compliant with taller dh, who is far more able to make a stand physically than I. Ds used to do the wetting thing when younger and pull ups were a deterrent -now I shall have to be more inventive. Dh just threatens a cloths peg! Which sinse ds takes things very literally is effective! His cushion got very smellie during the washing machine breakdown, so I suggested he wash it by hand. He refused - and then refused to sit at the table because said cushion was not very nice. I think all I've done is train him to use consequences on me!

moosemama Tue 17-Sep-13 11:51:05

Great to see so many new people on the thread. Welcome everyone. smile

I have just read the thread and instantly forgotten 99.9% of it, so my apologies for not addressing everyone.

Skuntoo, I don't have experience of dcs with hearing loss, but I do know lots of children struggle with tiredness when they start nursery. I know of several children that fell asleep in the classroom when dd started last year and even when ds2 started Reception year there were always a few who had a little snuggle and nap on the cushions in the quiet corner.

I think if you have anything that makes communication and/or dealing with a fast moving, chaotic environment more difficult, it makes sense that you'd be more tired that many of your peers in the same situation.

I also think it doesn't happen that they go back at this time of year, just when the weather and light is changing and we're all starting to feel more tired anyway.

Hope she gets used to it soon.

Ds1 went off to school ok this morning, mainly because dh let him buy Minecraft Pocket edition for his mobile phone before he left. Dh is contacting the SENCO this morning, first by email, then following up with a phonecall and is going to suggest ds is allowed to read or play on his phone in the library until 8.35, as apparently there's a business club that meets in there, so it's definitely staffed.

Puppy is much better this morning, which is a huge relief, a for a while there we thought it might have been a middle of the night emergency vet job.

SallyBear Tue 17-Sep-13 12:48:10

Skuntoo. I have two deaf dc, and two hearing dc. I think tbh that the tiredness is more due to nursery than deafness. smile

moosemama Tue 17-Sep-13 13:06:01

Urgh blush just re-read my post. That should have said "it doesn't help that they go back at this time of year".

zzzzz Tue 17-Sep-13 13:15:40

hazey grin can I suggest zebra or Dalmatian? grin

Hi all. New faces, how lovely. Have a brew / [drink] m'dears.

I'm feeling infuriated by this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a1855019-to-be-really-upset-about-this-introduction-and-not-go-back#41622582

How f#$?ing dare they!!!!! angry

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 13:46:19

skuntoo is she aided/implant? It can be extra tiring for them to concentrate to hear what they need to in a busy environment.
Doesn't always guarantee a good nights sleep my dd doesn't sleep unfortunately.

Trigglesx Tue 17-Sep-13 13:46:49

oh heavens... zzzzz you KNOW I'm an AIBU addict - hmm Now I'm going to have to read it and wade in. You enabler, you!!! grin

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 13:54:44

Sorry for not replying yesterday galena can escape from a 5point harness. Too big for that anti escape vest you linked. Houdini clips can be forced. My britax traveller plus was escaped from in minutes. sad
I didn't want to go down the crelling route unless I absolutely have to, as dd hates (meltdown inducing) pressure on her upper body (eg straps over shoulders). Plus needs to be transferable (school taxi)
Thing is when she wants to comply she's as good as gold.

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 14:07:32

Thepoodoctor (so tempting to call you Dr. Poo blush) I've also been wondering about training in restraint techniques. Ds1 has already figured out if I bear hug him from behind with my legs around his legs that he can headbutt my face (broken nose again) or slam us backward into a wall (I either crack my head or he winds me enough to loosen my grip and starts biting and kicking)

I'm really worried about hurting him and I loathe using face down restraint but right now that's the only way I can securely restrain him when he's attacking his siblings or me. I try and avoid restraining unless I really have no other option but unfortunately there are times where it's either restrain or allow him to seriously hurt himself or somebody else and I don't feel like I have a choice. I've tried removing him to a safe place and just holding the door closed but last time he tried to use an ironing board to break down the door. It's rented accommodation so besides the obvious danger to himself I really can't just let him destroy the house sad

I'm at a lose to know what to do tbh.

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 14:11:45

Oh, and if dp is on hand to assist we wrap him in a blanket to secure his arms and legs and hold him but he's like an eel, even with two of us and the blanket he manages to wriggle loose and free his legs to kick or headbutts us or worse the floor sad

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 14:16:36

We've had the running away to find a new family too Poo doctor. Apparently my SIL offered sandwiches for he (b) son when he wanted to run away! I wish I had the confidence to do that!
Skuntoo it must be extra tiring for a child with hearing difficulties to make sense of everything around them in a noisy environment. Ds (who good hearing but single channelled processing) found nursery and reception very tiring. New things like nursery are very tiring even for nt children adapted to preschool!
Moose hope you are recovering from your family virus, and glad to hear the puppy is looking more herself. I knew what you meant about the time of year! Its chilly today and I would like to hibernate! In ds sn school the children all wait in the taxi until the door opens. I would be furious if they just dumped them!

zzzzz Tue 17-Sep-13 14:22:32

Trigglesx. grin. You go girl

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Tue 17-Sep-13 14:46:27

Hi everyone - can I join in?

Star - I would recommend NLP - it's kind of like mindfulness for the cynic. It is under hypnosis (relaxing) and is very effective for divorcing emotional response from childhood memories. You don't even need to do them one by one, you can bundle them up! It really does work - I kept recalling memories to test if they still hurt in much the same way as you might seek out a tooth with your tongue to see if it hurts. Nothing. It is weird. Ability to recall is so enhanced that it is actually distracting - in your minds eye it is actually like watching a video and it reminds you of how people actually looked at the time, what they wore, the wallpaper etc. If you need to you can edit your memories, make people say or do different things, change the ending etc.

DS2 has the specialist ADHD nurse doing a school obs today. He has just moved to a new class with a new teacher and I have no idea whether he continues to have the same problems as previously reported. The EP has suggested doing nothing and hoping for divine intervention but the school wouldn't let it lie. The ADHD is not sure and I don't think he has ADHD so it will be interesting to see what happens. The EP and so school refuse to use visual aids or token reward system because they do not want to give 'ammunition' by admitting the need to use them - smacks of ASD.

Have spoken on the phone to DS1's OT as DS1's insistence that all was well combined with email lack of clarity - in my defence his statement does not require them 'to keep a close eye on him' and have reassured her that I am not insane and over-protective and reassured me that they don't take what he says at face value.

Please don't flame me but the dog killed a kitten at the weekend sad. The poor little thing was wild and had somehow found its way into our back garden. We are surrounded by fields and she has also killed rabbits, a hedgehog (we had to rescue the orphaned babies), moles, mice, rats as well as pigeons, pheasants etc. Luckily the boys are used to it - DS2 said to her that he still loved her.

zzzzz Tue 17-Sep-13 14:51:15

Have you looked for the other kittens? Go outside and just listen.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Tue 17-Sep-13 14:57:34

Zzzzz - yes. It is a large garden and I feared the mother may have made a nest but couldn't find anything. I am less OK with it than the boys hmm

zzzzz Tue 17-Sep-13 15:07:19

Keep. I knew you would have, but once I'd thought it I had to ask.

On a more pragmatic note. Dogs kill small furry things. If it had been a young rat he would be being lauded as a hero.

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 15:26:24

frusso- We've got a hearing appt on Thurs so think we'll find out what they r gonna do Audiologist did say she would find it difficult in noisy environments. We've only just found out recently that she has a hearing problem. She's always been very tired even with a good nights sleep even at preschool smile

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 15:34:30

And my 3*5 DD is strong now god help me when she's a teenager!!!

okthatsweird Tue 17-Sep-13 17:14:56

Hi all! Just knipping in for a quick wine to get over the shock of my Ds saying he has had a really good day at school for the first time in 3 years!!! smile

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 17:27:57

skuntoo wait til they get to 5 and put your back out. hmm
We've always found audiology very good. dd has coloured aids and moulds. Do you have a ToD (teacher of the deaf or HVSS advisor --they're the same thing--)?

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 17:30:53

Yay! ok

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 19:08:38

Wohoo okthatsweird grin

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 19:48:26

frusso we only found out in Aug and told school on home visit in Sep.
She's needs an IEP set up and she's been assigned a teacher to look after her but they r gonna let her settle in first. Audiology have been great they think she was born like it she's got severve hearing loss in her left ear especially high frequency but we will know more on Thurs
Good news okthatsweird smile

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 20:00:27

Settles in for the night and buys a round...

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 20:12:32

Ok - fantastic!

DS has had a good day too and kept all his computers, which is his behaviour chart. If none of them have to be returned to the shop he gets some computer time with the TA. No returns today smile

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 20:14:24

SummerRain really sorry, that sounds horribly tough to handle. DS is more short lived than that on the whole, but I dread not getting on top of these meltdowns before he's bigger. I don't suppose anyone's given you any useful advice on how to handle them?

By the way you could always just call me the Doctor...

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 20:46:17

With regards to meltdown prevention/control ds's psych suggested I red card/orange card him.. Orange card is a warning.. Red is a consequence.. It made not a jot of difference.. Tbh I've yet to find a consequence that bothers him.. It's impossible to do a time out when he's actively in meltdown as he's so violent, after the meltdown he's already withdrawn and wants to be left alone so it defeats the object, removal of favourite items doesn't bother him even the smallest amount.. The only thing that really gets to him is removing his teddies.. Which just feels cruel.. Though I admit I have done it on more than one occasion usually after he's ripped the stuffing out of them one thing I don't compromise on is I never ever give in on whatever caused the meltdown.. In my head this means that eventually please he will recognise that it won't resolve anything.. If I'm honest I don't think he's ever even realised I do it!

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 20:47:28

I have asked for restraint training (years back -along with a group of sn mums) but could not get it because training is only for people working in pairs so the trainers would not teach parents who usually have to manage meltdowns single handed. I agree kneeling astride with the child tummy down ( but not actually putting any real weight on them, except to prevent injury to all ) is the safest when all reason has left. Needs a soft surface underneath. Ds is too tall now but I could hug hold him from behind as long as I kept my head to one side and chin turned to one side out of the line of fire. Legs wide astride to prevent shin kicks. Have to watch for the chin and teeth bash too. Ds can still get panicked but mostly he has got better control now, and is more able to join back in with the rest of the world if just given some space. The blind running off in a panic is the biggest worry now as he is so fast, and doesn't look vunerable. I think most children calm down with time.

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 20:53:20

I did restraint training in my last job.. It's proven far more helpful than I realised at the time of doing it!

FrussoHathor Tue 17-Sep-13 21:11:44

skuntoo I may have confused you, a TOD is a support/advisory worker for you, and they deal with teaching the school/nursery staff how do what they need to do, like making it the best environment for dc to hear. They work out of Hearing and Vision Support Services.
Our TOD was a great support in the early days.

youarewinning Tue 17-Sep-13 21:23:23

I'm a restraint trainer. In fact it's actually a programme where only 5% of it is about restraint but it can be done alone. We recommend 2 people where possible but realism has to figure somewhere grin

DS teacher rang me tonight - he's settling in well (apparently!) He's certainly been OK the first week but this week the anxiety and meltdowns have increased afterschool but at least his teacher is seeming to accept he can hold it in at school mostly and they need to be using the visual timetables and get out clauses with him to keep anxiety at a minimum and that I NEED them to do this whether he seems to be coping or not.

Best news is that he says the pen I bought him in the summer (£7 shock) has worked really well and he has said he's been surprised at how well DS has been writing as he was concerned the work he'd seen was illegible! All we need to do now is get DS literacy up to standard (yeh right!) He has also been intrigued by my suggestion and observations that DS seems to use his finger tips rather than the whole hand - and stims by rubbing his fingertips together and perhaps he needs some programmes on hand function. I'm looking into hand gym.

I'm going to meet SENCo in next week or so to finalise all the plans we made end of last term. (old SENCo retired!)

Does anyone elses DC's with ASD or suspected have problems with hand function?

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 21:40:18

Ds has issues with fine motor skills (and gross motor skills but that's alot more under control now with some fairly intense swim therapy) - ds is apparently down to low muscle tone.. It's not like actual muscles though.. It's the brains translation of what you want it to do - something about the muscles not being in a state of half readiness to perform the function you want)

Anyway, ds ended up with an alpha smart at school - it's brilliant! He loves it and he still does short writing by hand but long writing is with the alpha smart

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 21:42:24

Ds has very poor fine motor control and still cannot write his name legibly. He breaks pencils because he holds them too hard, and gets cramp for the same reason. We have not found much to help. His fine motor control has improved since using a Nintendo DS, but he still gets cramp and refuses to write.

youarewinning Tue 17-Sep-13 21:44:50

what's swim therapy? DS swims weekly and he's actually quite good. He can swim lengths front crawl for half an hour. Give him a float and he struggles horrifically. It's like the needing to grip the float makes the rest of him unable to manage! If you ask him to hold anything he has a loose grip or holds it between his fingers! The pen is a stabilo one with grips to hold and that curves around the hand.

his teacher did mention discussing using ICT where necessary.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 17-Sep-13 21:46:36

Having to restrain a growing child sounds really hard, physically and emotionally.

I am wondering how the jelly project turned out ? smile

And for the lady who has a dd with hearing loss (sorry can't scroll back to do names, sorry sorry!) - I am virtually deaf in my left ear and yes, was often wiped out as a child.
Particularly with new situations and learning new routines / behaviours / acoustics and voices. It's the extra concentration and having to be always alert for non auditory signs that you've missed something. I don't know if this is relevant or reassuring but I did find it a bit harder but managed to get through ok and did very well at school in the end.

Things i remember (sorry if this is preaching to the choir!( Sitting close to the teacher helped, and being comfortable enough to say 'pardon?' (thats still hard for me actually!).
My friends got used to walking on my right and even swapped over without me reminding them as I got older, thats something I'd forgotten til now and I'm glad I remembered, it was a kind thing to do, made me feel included and normal too as didn't have to remind them every time, it turned into a bonding thing actually.

Groups speaking and places with echoes or loud background noises were difficult (still are), so did alot of nodding and smiling or following others - helps if she can be paired with someone who does pay attention & can hear.

PE and music halls were particularly hard. If the teacher can speak slower, or face directly towards your dd, it will help, or just come over after and repeat to make sure she heard it all. As she grows up, science labs were also hard, not enough soft furniture to absorb sound so very echoey and confusing. Again sitting at the front and if poss turned so that best ear points to the front.

What helped me most when I was little was adults knowing how to help me hear: clear voice, slightly slower, and face towards me, not shouting or loyd but fast and merging all the words together, loud does not mean understandable!

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 21:54:23

Swim therapy is basically where there is an 'action' plan that goes beyond teaching to swim? Ds had 1:1 swim lessons for a year and during that time the 'therapy' element was introduced.. Basically it's specific exercises you can do in the water to increase body awareness etc - if you google swim therapy - autism loads should come up? Because the water provides the ultimate in sensory support (well for my hypo sensitive ds anyway) it's easier for him to control his body in water than it is out of it!

And is it ridiculous that I'm actually pleased that for the first time on this board I feel like I've made a valid contribution hmm

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 21:56:19

Ooh what's an alpha smart? Because ds has sld and cannot read yet no one is bothered by ds poor hand skills, but he manages ok with my iPad.

Thepoodoctor Tue 17-Sep-13 21:59:02

DS has dodgy muscle tone and poor fine motor skills. Not officially dyspraxic but can't use cutlery yet and his handwriting is the original drunk spider.

Has your young man had any oT input? We had some which was very helpful .

Nicknameinvalid Tue 17-Sep-13 22:00:05

is.alphasmart.co.uk/neo2/

It's basically a low maintenance word processor that can take a ridiculous amount of abuse and keep on kicking!! It's really portable and very simple - plus plain so no distractions!

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 22:26:55

Sorry very new to all this Frusso thanks for explainng that to me and also DoubleLifeIsaLifeHalved thank u post has been very helpful grin

SummerRain Tue 17-Sep-13 22:55:08

Magso, what you've described is exactly what I have to do with the kneeling astride and keeping out of reach of kicks and head butts. I question whether it's the right thing though after reading threads on here saying face down restraint should never be used. I simply can't manage on my own any other way though. I'm having some success with defusing the situation before it gets to that point but there are still situations where it goes beyond a point where he can be reasoned with.

On the hypermobility issue though, ds1s school are applying for a technology grant with a view to getting him a laptop to use at school. Their view is he'd be better off side stepping the need for writing at all in the long term. He has some processing issues too, he writes letters back to front and can't follow the lines or judge spaces but his literacy scores are 90th centile so it's not dyslexia. We have a keyboard on loan from the school to teach him to type atm.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Tue 17-Sep-13 22:55:28

Oh good Skuntoo and now I even know your name smile

Just remembered another ear related primary school story... I had an operation on my ear which involved leaving a dent in my skull just behind the ear. Very subtle etc etc. of course children are fascinated by body weirdnesses... I got told off for charging 10p a look! smile

skuntoo Tue 17-Sep-13 23:07:07

The charging part made me smile glad i posted now feel more prepared for Thurs
Thank u !!!!!

Mummyoftheyear Tue 17-Sep-13 23:13:39

Hi everyone! Do you just 'meet up' on Fridays?
Would someone be kind enough to send me a personal message to let me know the link to the next one?
Thank you smile

magso Tue 17-Sep-13 23:34:21

Thanks nickname I will look into alpha smart.
Summer rain, I just found that was the best way for us both in an emergency, although I could imagine restraint of any sort could be dangerous, especially if any force is put on the chest or choking could be a hazard. My main concern was to stop ds running into traffic in blind panic, - he has always been incredibly strong when in meltdown and I am very petite! Now I keep my distance and try to calmly keep him cornered somewhere safe. We really ought to have training rather than make it up by trial and error, especially if there are particular dangers we need to be aware of. It's so traumatic to everyone when ds has a full on meltdown, but fortunately rare now.
I had words with ds about what I expect of him tomorrow morning. He is still struggling to get back into calm getting ready for school mode. I got the old picture tick charts out. Now I think about it we had similar trouble at the beginning of each school year, but it is worse since changing to senior school. It seems I forget the term time traumas over the relative calm of the summer holidays.
Ds made pasta at school today and insisted on making fresh pasta for tea. We only had hand milled( course) flour from a visit to the local restored flour mill museum and I had to look up how to make it, (thak you Jamie Oliver) having never made pasta before. Still the results were actually quite edible if somewhat thicker than machine made spaghetti. Ds has no idea I don't know everything! I think it was good for him to do something practical and touchy feely. I'm hoping for a calmer morning tomorrow! The kitchen looks like a flour bomb hit it. I've left the rest of the cleaning up till tomorrow.

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 08:24:40

Mummy we (anyone who feels like it) start a new G&C thread every Friday to get us through the week. So just look in SN chat for the latest date one or sometimes it gets linked from the previous week's thread. It's definitely not only for Friday grin

hazeyjane Wed 18-Sep-13 09:30:23

Just to bring up family difficulties again, I have just had a text from my mother, inviting herself to stay for 8 nights, the week after next, ds has 3 appointments in that time, I am so crap and riddled with daughter guilt that I can't think of a polite way of suggesting maybe a shorter stay - any ideas would be appreciated.

SummerRain Wed 18-Sep-13 09:46:00

Ouch hazey, thats awkward. What's she like? Could you appeal to her sense of reason or is she too thick skinned for that? My mother would do the whole 'oh I can give you a hand' and then spend 8 days getting underfoot and not helping at all.

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 09:47:49

"As ds has alot of appointments in that time, I wouldn't be able to give you my full attention, perhaps [shorter/alternative time] would be more relaxing for you, and then we could do [...]"

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 09:52:02

Dr has agreed to refer dd1 for asd assessment.

SummerRain Wed 18-Sep-13 09:54:40

That's great frusso, has she been referred to CAMHS or paeds?

zzzzz Wed 18-Sep-13 10:00:12

hazey headlice/worms/impetigo. grin.
Have you spoken too her yet?
Could someone else be booked in your spare room?
Are your sewers due to back up/boiler being fixed so no heating or hot water?
Perhaps you could be dying to get away so she has to babysit for several of the days/evenings?

Or some appropriate blend of the above. Alternatively just say "we can do 4 nights, but not 8". If she demands details try something sex related it usually sends even the staunchest running for the hills. It's going to be dreadful if you agree, but have some fun refusing. grin

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 10:01:05

hazey "Those dates aren't convenient for us, I'll check our diaries and get back to you with some alternatives" don't apologise, don't give reasons, just be clear (a bit like how those of us with dc's with ASDs are advised to reduce our language grin) and then provide dates that suit you

Good news Frusso and good luck flowers

On a slightly different note, I've been to dentist today, which isn't really a huge thing but up until around 5 years ago I'd had awful dental phobia so every time I go I feel very proud of myself smile

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 10:02:04

zzzzz how's your recovery?

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 10:17:50

Paeds summer he said he wasn't sure where the line between nt and asd was, but because of sibling that clearly has asd, it wouldn't harm to refer.

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 10:19:35

Well done polter <hopes that doesn't sound patronising>

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 10:27:22

Thanks Frusso not patronising at all

zzzzz Wed 18-Sep-13 10:29:46

Recovery miraculous, stinking second week back at school lurgy less so.

It is SO good to feel stentless.

Well done on dentist front polt.

SummerRain Wed 18-Sep-13 10:38:54

Well done polter, you should be proud of getting over a fear like that.

Zzzzz, these lurgies always hit at the worst times. Hope it's not setting back your recovery too much flowers

Frusso, it's good they're looking into it anyway and not fobbing you off. ds1 was referred to paeds initially who passed him on to CAMHS for actual dx. In his case paeds just ruled out any potential physiological causes

hazeyjane Wed 18-Sep-13 11:15:12

Thankyou all, I haven't managed to call her yet. I think I will follows Polter's advice of saying as little as possible, as there are not many excuses that will wash. Zzzzz your advice of bringing up sex would definitely backfire, this is a woman who when she first met dh told him about a photo of a, shall we say extremely intimate eye watering act between 2 men (as you can tell I am a complete prude), that she had just seen at a Robert Mapplethorpe exhibition. Honestly the woman is unembarrassable.

Unfortunately she has a bad leg and she says she likes coming down here to be pampered, the sofa has a groove left when she has gone and I am left a knackered wreck, after running around after her, and clearing up the constant piles of newspapers and half drunk cups of tea that she leaves in her wake. The dds and ds adore her, but she whips them up into a frenzy, leaving me to play the bad guy, whilst she pouts at me like a put out child. I can't in any way be honest with her without lots of tears on her part and without opening an enormous can of worms.

Aaaaah right that is out of my system, going to make the phone call.

Well done Polter.

Glad to hear you are recovering well zzzzz.

hazeyjane Wed 18-Sep-13 11:21:20

Ooh one other thing (not that i am prevaricating, oh no...)

My FIL phoned last night to ask if I could recommend any books on learning Makaton, he has really struggled with the idea of ds having lifelong issues, and is very old fashioned in his thinking (he asked the other week if ds would always be 'a mute'), so I am really touched that he wants to do this so that he can communicate with ds, any suggestions of good websites/books/dvds that would suit a man in his mid 70s??? (warning he thinks all children's entertainers are idiots, and should get a proper job)

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 11:31:54

No recommendations hazey but what a lovely man smile

<stern voice> now make that call

hazeyjane Wed 18-Sep-13 11:49:46

I did, I did!

It was a bloody answering machine, so I left a big faffy message about appointments, playdates, tornadoes hitting the Wilts area and having to fight a giant nazi sqidshark.

I think I sounded plausible.

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 12:06:06

grin well done hazey now you just have to stand firm and in control...

Thepoodoctor Wed 18-Sep-13 12:35:57

Hi Hazey. I guess you're hooked into the Makaton Charity www.makaton.org? Our DD had picked up Makaton in her foster family, so when she arrived with us we tried to learn and a friend gave us good resources from that website. DD age 2 was not impressed with our attempts smile

May I write down this morning before the 3pm pick up wipes it from my mind, that the kids were amazing this morning? DS slept all night in the same bed (Ok a mattress in our room but still), DD didn't have a tantrum, and both of them were ready so early that we strolled along the riverside to school. And DD (reception) went in with a big cuddle and a smile.

I know that by 3pm DS will have done something terrible, but just for a few hours I can bask!

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 12:41:04

poo glad you had a good morning, fingers crossed for home time

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 13:34:19

Fx for you poo

I on the other hand am not expecting a good day. Dd2 was up since 5, so it isn't going to end well. I'm just in the dark as to whether dd will fall apart at school or in the taxi.

zzzzz Wed 18-Sep-13 13:58:25

The jelly turned out......sticky and interesting. grin. Someone made their's out of pizza so if she's totally bonkers at least she is in good company.

They are consuming it as we speak (eeeew).

magso Wed 18-Sep-13 14:25:23

We had a better morning today. I even managed to remove a spider from the lounge, without ds having hysterics. He calmly called me, then hid behind me, with only quiet wimpering. He has been known to wake up the whole street with his terrorised screams. It was almost a lie in in comparison to the that few days.
Well done Polter at braving the dentists. Glad your day started well PooDr and hope the afternoon is at least not too bad. fingers crossed for you Frusso. Pizza Jelly- hmm!

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 16:38:41

Glad you had a good morning magso, hope home time was calm for you and everyone else. Ours have been fine so far.

Tonight I'm off to the 'roadshow' thing to hear about the secondary school. I'm pretty much decided ds will go to the local and only school in town as it only has 720 pupils and ds wants to go there. I was re-reading the ofsted earlier and the school was criticised for prioritising the well-being of pupils with disabilities over their academic achievement, I'm quite happy with that.

moosemama Wed 18-Sep-13 17:23:47

Just a quickie. I shouldn't be online, as I have a migraine and have been in bed all day, but wanted to share some happy news for a change.

Dh got the job! The one that's in the city near ds1's new school. I feel so much happier knowing one of us is just up the road to him and can, if necessary, have face-to-face contact with the school or pick him up quickly if he's poorly etc.

It's also more money and a much better package, plus he gets to work with at least one, if now two of his best friends. grin

He sounded so happy when he called me and he's been a proper miserable grouch ever since he started his current job just under a year ago.

We still have ongoing issues with ds and school, more came to light yesterday, but I'm not going to dwell on that tonight.

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 17:28:40

Congratulations (Mr)moose so pleased for you, now go back to bed <gentle but firm> and get well soon flowers

Hi all. I'm really sorry, but my new job is taking up to much of my MN time. When I do get home I'm busy getting food ready, helping with 2 sets of homework (DS2 and DS3, at least DS1 is pretty independent in his GCSE year) and general shopping, housework, taxiing DC to scouts/swimming etc. By then I'm so exhausted I just go to bed. Sorry, very self indulgent, but I'm just not used to 9-4, I was working 9-1 before so had plenty of time.

Hope everyone is well, glad, zzzzz is stentless, hope moose feels better soon. Nice to see a bit of good news from you, moose. The transport saga is just awful. sad

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 17:53:25

Didnt want to go to school, had to be coaxed out at the school. but Dd had some deep pressure therapy with OT at school this afternoon and was angelic coming home. (Linked?)

Completely zonked out now though. Trouble is she's lying on me, so I'm stuck on the sofa with baby asleep next to me and dd asleep on top of me dead weight that she is and DH not due home for at least another 2 hours. Hmm looks like dd1 will have to feed herself. A 7yo can do that right hmm

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 18:20:09

That's good Frusso, deep pressure has the same effect on ds smile

Ellen lovely to 'see' you, I can't imagine ever going full time again, are you enjoying the work?

autumnsmum Wed 18-Sep-13 18:27:40

Hazey I think we share a mum ! Mine turned up when I had a nine day old parked herself on sofa talked about herself nonstop and couldn't even walk round the corner to pick us up some cat food frusso glad to hear school is going better my dd is still a bit grumpy going to minibus but it is only her second week

Galena Wed 18-Sep-13 18:57:38

Well done, MrMoose, but MrsMoose get thee hence to bed!

DD still enjoying school. She's told me 'We've started lessons now' and has taught me the 's' and 'a' Jolly Phonics songs. Still haven't approached the teacher about the lack of supervision on the way into school. Had to ask for a communication book with the TA and had to ask them for a harder reading book. Also had to dry the wheelchair after they left it out in the rain yesterday. I know I need to make sure she's supervised, but it is just one thing after the other at the moment...

youarewinning Wed 18-Sep-13 20:21:22

nickname grin and thanks I'll google swim therapy.
I feel ridiculous that I'm a professional in a special ed school and team teach trainer and behaviour support worker and struggle as a mum of a child with SN! A mum and professional are very different and I can cope with DS with my professional head on but I want to be his mum - which I times I feel I'm failing at sad

Really having a tough week Fortunately, I've been brave and told my amazing mates and I've got some support already.

Still scared though sad

PolterGoose Wed 18-Sep-13 20:31:31

Oh Lollipop HONKs and flowers I thought honks might look odd on chat board, hope you're getting the support in RL that you need, and look after yourself because I suspect you're good at taking care of everyone else and neglecting yourself. Sending positive thoughts.

Nicknameinvalid Wed 18-Sep-13 20:33:22

Hey everyone!

Ds had his first day with full 1:1 support again.. And shock horror - no meltdown! In fact he's been bloody lovely all evening... He's now tucked up in bed having had a lovely cuddle.. I actually forgot how bloody wonderful it is to
Have a child not trying to kill maim me every night!!!

Drinks on me ladies!!!

Galena Wed 18-Sep-13 20:40:59

Lollipop, sad HONKS!

And Nickname, WOOHOO! I'll have a large wine please.

Thepoodoctor Wed 18-Sep-13 20:48:52

Frusso that's lovely news. And nickname too!

I'll buy a round as well - DS managed to have a really good day at school. And thanks to blessed grandparents, the two of them have gone to bed like lambs even though DH is out.

So just tell me what youre all having!

Trigglesx Wed 18-Sep-13 20:50:50

sigh... another tooth just broke. I'm still waiting to get in to fix the other one, and now there's TWO of them. I'm probably going to lose them both - too much of tooth damaged. God, this is annoying.

Polter yeah, I tend to worry about other people - a noble trait most of the time, annoying when it really is me I need to focus on. RL support is there, and growing, which is good.

Have decided already that I'm running/jogging Race for Life next year. Tried a few years ago but the event I was going to do, got cancelled sad

Thepoodoctor Wed 18-Sep-13 20:52:58

Lollipop, so sorry to read about your granddad. Thinking of you all.

FrussoHathor Wed 18-Sep-13 20:56:10

nickname yay!

I think I might start doing deep pressure with dd before school in the vain hope she's calm enough to get there without problems

Mummyoftheyear Wed 18-Sep-13 21:27:49

Hello everyone. Just having a read to get to know you all smile
Don't want to butt in just yet. Lollipop, so sorry to hear about your Grandpa.
Having a crappy week. Looking at alternatives re. childcare for my 'interesting' son. Seriously considering (but not wanting to) giving up work entirely as can't bear the uncertainty re. the childcare options I've so far been using.

youarewinning Wed 18-Sep-13 21:38:50

I need a drink so another round on me! btw I don't drink alcohol but beginning to think I should!

Yay for all those who've had a good evening. Mines been trying! Lollipop sorry to hear about your Grandpa.

Trigglesx Wed 18-Sep-13 21:47:50

MummyOTY That's what I had to do - give up work entirely. I think it's fairly common.

Galena Wed 18-Sep-13 21:51:35

Triggles, do you have a good dentist? We found an NHS one a few years ago and he seems good...

Trigglesx Wed 18-Sep-13 21:54:01

I do now. LOL. It's just getting in to him that's causing the wait. Mainly because I'm a new patient. I was able to get DS1 in much quicker recently as he's been seen there already.

Yes, he's an NHS dentist just off the high street by Barclays. I'm much happier with this dentist than our previous one!

Galena Wed 18-Sep-13 22:25:27

Maybe ours... BSt?

Mummyoftheyear Wed 18-Sep-13 22:31:32

Triggles, really doesn't surprise me but think I'd kill him and go out of my mind with boredom, frustration and 'lack of funds' all at the same time!

SummerRain Wed 18-Sep-13 23:01:01

Mummy, I'm in a similar position to triggles, no hope of getting work as there isn't a childninder on the planet who would take on mine for the pittance we could pay. Long term plan is I get my degree, dp moves the business to the house and I work out of the home but even that would be miles from ideal... Dp isn't anywhere near patient or proactive enough to deal with them day in day out.

Lollipop, I'm sorry about your granddad. Take care of yourself flowers

The boys were wired today, and dd is being hideously preteen (she's only 8 fgs!) and I have 2 exams in 3 weeks and am utterly failing to study effectively. Trying my best to stay positive but lack of sleep and stress are exhausting me now.

Trigglesx Wed 18-Sep-13 23:13:15

BSt? confused Sorry am not sure what this is.

Galena Thu 19-Sep-13 06:57:18

Lol, maybe not then. We go to Bath St dentist... grin

hazeyjane Thu 19-Sep-13 08:56:01

Just about to meet ds's new SALT, keep your goosey feathers crossed that this one is better than the last one.smile

Thepoodoctor Thu 19-Sep-13 09:17:15

Fingers crossed Hazey!

Yesterday was plainly too good to last - today we have a disturbed night, a wet bed and consequently the Great Sweater Meltdown this morning. Followed by the Locking Ourselves in the Car game (easily foiled but then you have to manhandle him out hmm)

Hope better mornings for others!

magso Thu 19-Sep-13 10:11:47

Oh poo Dr, that sounds stressful. We have sweatshirt refusals regularly! Ds is picked up by the school bus, which has made the getting out of the car tantrums - a thing of the past as ds does what the other children - calmly files into the hall for second breakfast! Or at least that's what I am told.

Our morning went reasonably well, except for ds finding a bag of crisps (I did not know we had) and eating them instead of his proper breakfast. Dh arrived back home last night (a day early - mix up with time changes) so ds is calmer. He gets very needy when either parent is missing. He had a strop last night (Ds not DH) because he did not want to come to the table to eat for tea. We had eaten at the kitchen work surface the night before because ds was cooking his pasta, and flour was every where, so last night he wanted to eat in the lounge - weird logic there perhaps!! When he did come to the table he barely eat anything because he was still cross and wanted to hurry back to the TV on the lounge. He had some grazes on his face from an incident at school. I think another child exploded but knowing how blunt and thoughtless ds can be I suspect he was goaded! Ds did not give details. Using the flour we had ground at the mill had sparked his interest in the wheat fields at the local farm, so we went for a little walk (ds insisted) only to find the field had of course been harvested, with only stubble remaining. At least he was easier to get to bed - helped by the walk and DH appearance.
Hope the new SALT works well for your DS Hazey.
Mummy and Summer I have found working around ds needs very tricky. Its theorectically easier now he is SN school, (they deal with the things MS couldn't, so I rarely have to collect him early from school now) but still tricky, as there is no local after school club for children like ds. I work one day a week, and even that is a challenge, especially during the holidays. I have a lovely carer at the moment but I know she will be relocating soon. Wish you both luck in finding the right compromise.

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 10:34:54

Hazey, good luck with the SALT. Fx she's more useful than the last.

Ds2 had SALT this morning and showed off how well he's been doing with his f and v sounds. His resource teacher is working miracles with him, it's amazing to see so much progress in such a short time smile we'd been stagnating for a long time as he just won't work for me anymore but he adores his resource teacher so has been doing really well for him.

PolterGoose Thu 19-Sep-13 11:42:39

Good luck with SALT hazey (did you hear back from your mother?)

Glad dh is back magso and hoping tomorrow morning is easier poo, great to hear of progress Summer.

I'm another who works very part time, one short day and one very long day a week, dp has a variation in his hours to enable him to do a short day, I'd love to earn more but at the moment because we only have to cover 2 days a week in the school holidays out arrangement works well.

Well, went to the secondary 'roadshow' last night and all seems lovely. Lots of transition stuff, standard 2 full days plus extra for children who need it. They have 'vertical' tutor groups so mixed Y7-11 and all the new Y7s get an older 'buddy'. On the first day the new Y7s go in 40 minutes before school starts, get met by their buddy and collect their diaries and have a chance to find their way around and chat to teaching and support staff before school starts for everyone else. Lots of 'enrichment' stuff. I was very impressed, for ds getting that move right will set the scene I think for the whole time he is at the school, still can't imagine him among crowds of older pupils, but we have a year to go.

PolterGoose Thu 19-Sep-13 11:43:07

Oh bugger blush

hazeyjane Thu 19-Sep-13 12:26:57

SALT seemed ok, it is early days and ds kept his face buried in my lap for the entire time, so she couldn't really do any sort of assessment. I emailed her before she came listing what I wanted from SALT and where I felt we had been before, which she said was helpful. She is going to do a home visit whilst portage is happening, and has a set of exercises she would like to use wrt oro motor skills. She also thinks he should have another swallow assessment, and that work needs to be done with him at preschool in a calmer area, as he is getting overwhelmed with sound, and as his hearing isn't great at the moment, this is making it more difficult to concentrate.

So all in all, more input than we've had in about a year, so that's good!

Am feeling thoroughly hacked off with preschool though. I have decided not to use ds's sn buggy to get him there as it is such a nightmare getting in and out, and storing it (had to wait 15 minutes at the top of the ramp, before we could get out yesterday, because everyone had lined their buggie up on the ramp - great access!) and they are being completely inflexible about it. Then this morning instead of ds's 1-1 greeting him at the door it was the SENCO, which instantly set ds off, and he wouldn't go through the door.

Plus they are suddenly pushing for ds to be left for longer periods with me leaving the premises. Ds's 1-1 doesn't feel that this is a good time (and neither do I) because it is too soon after the Summer holidays and ds being off ill, but they think he needs to make progress.

Glad that secondary looks good, Polter. (my mother hasn't called back - she is torturing me)

Sorry to hear about meltdowns.

zzzzz Thu 19-Sep-13 12:37:20

Pushing children to develop is totally pointless with an anxious child. The child needs to be pushing YOU away, outgrowing your support. The ramp business is crap.

How utterly frustrating for you hazey, I feel all irritated on your behalf.

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 19-Sep-13 13:29:40

zzzzz 'Pushing children to develop is totally pointless with an anxious child'.
I think I will engrave that on stone and put it on my front door as a warning to all professionals who think they can move Ds on better than I can.

Hazey the preschool sounds useless and frustrating in so many ways. Is there any possiblity of moving him?

I have had an exhausting and mixed week so good stuff, some bad. The local county councillor is coming this afternoon to help plan a strategy for dd's transport hearing.
We had a meeting with Ds's school on Tuesday and have worked out a plan which should enable him to do part of the new 6th form bonding residential in North Cornwall. He is both excited and nervous. Apart from being in hospital he has never been away from home without a parent there. I was quite impressed with the school though; they seemed willing to think of ways round the issues.

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 14:21:04

Zzzzz.... Here here. I'm sick to the back teeth of so called professionals assuming I'm babying ds2 and if I just let go he'd suddenly be a confidant outgoing child. Wrong, if I'm not there for him he becomes more anxious and clingy, not less.

Hazey, that preschool sounds horrendous. Have you considered taking him out and trying again next year with a different school? I'm sorry I ever sent ds2 to playschool in retrospect, he hated it and it didn't help his anxiety at all. He's so relaxed and happy in school now as theyre much more accepting of his quirks.

Nohaudin that sounds like an amazing opportunity for your ds, good on the school trying to find a solution for him

zzzzz Thu 19-Sep-13 14:57:52

"I'm sick to the back teeth of so called professionals assuming I'm babying ds2 and if I just let go he'd suddenly be a confidant outgoing child. Wrong, if I'm not there for him he becomes more anxious and clingy, not less."

It's because in their heart of hearts people don't get that these are NOT NT CHILDREN. They simply can't comprehend that the shyness caused by not socialising a nt child is not the same as the shyness caused by not being able to comprehend that social interaction or access it because of your cognitive (or other) disability. You may as well say a paraplegic would walk if you took away his wheelchair.

People don't believe it. They base their assumptions on their experience of children. Children like ours are rare. Rarer than you would suppose on these boards. I myself had no idea you could be stunningly bright and yet not pick up language effortlessly. That children could be born so sensitive to sound they shook when things got too loud. That there are really bright people who will never be able to read because they can't process words in that form. That anxiety could be so disabling that my own child could barely make a sound outside the house at 2/3/4, but that by 6 she could be making brave a dogged progress.

Because they don't believe it despite training and evidence they alway always revert back to "this child has been damaged by the way they are nurtured" and as most of the main carers are mothers, it must be substandard mothering.

Well it isn't. FACT.

I can tell you categorically that my caring is on the very good side blush, but I can tell you something far more heartening. Over the last few years of posting here I have heard tell (not in a shameless I am great way like above) of women working tirelessly to bridge that gap. Night after night, day after day. Late night googling for clothes that won't hurt. Endless shopping for food that can be eaten. They learn to be therapists and teachers, lionesses and councillors. They work with almost no sleep, or time to themselves. They are usually unsupported by friends and family and many of their marriages are damaged beyond repair.

PolterGoose Thu 19-Sep-13 15:44:15

Fantastic post zzzzz and I absolutely agree that tacit mother blaming is rife.

ouryve Thu 19-Sep-13 16:07:34

Do excuse me for diving back in on the last page. It's huge and I'm addled with paint fumes. I've been trying to make this room look less squalid before new sofas arrive on the 30th, and it's a big job to do in the 3 hours a day i can manage (and I'm physically knackered from just that). We desperately need to replace the carpet, too (it stinks and has bits missing where we took the fireplace out), but that's not happening for a while.

DS1 hasn't been on such shining form at school, this week. We're back to refusals to work or eat and he's been ruffling his teacher's hair and been very rough about it. That's on top of rifling through people's pockets and drawers for coins to look at.

zzzzz flowers[applause]

zzzzz Thu 19-Sep-13 17:07:55

Oh dear Lord blush I'm sorry I got a bit carried away there! It just makes me so cross.

<shuffles off muttering>

Galena Thu 19-Sep-13 18:53:56

If there are ever people you DON'T need to apologise to for that post, it's us! grin

Here, have some wine cake and thanks

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 19:13:36

Zzzzz, that post made me feel a lot better on a stressy day so don't you dare apologise [stern]

Ds1 has been moody as hell today. I think he's tired, the sna took him down for OT work in school today which is great but it took it out of him I think. Added to my general exam stress and the fact that I wrenched my back yesterday it made for a long afternoon.

PolterGoose Thu 19-Sep-13 19:16:31

When's your exam Summer? I'm in denial.

zzzzz Thu 19-Sep-13 19:53:31

I think wine would help but I am too tired. The day started a little early IYKWIM. We are also in pre-11+ hell. I am so behind with paying bills and writing letters I am almost sinking and I think old HT has been gossiping about us to new HT which is making me both annoyed and stressed.

Not that I have anything to hide, but I wanted the new school to form their own opinions of my dc. sad

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:03:15

Polter, the 7th and 11th. Both level 3 <screams>

On the plus side they're the last exams of my degree, my level 2 practical and level 3 project courses next year will finish off my degree if I can afford to do them but I'm not going to think about that right now

You revising as well atm?

PolterGoose Thu 19-Sep-13 20:14:06

Erm... not revising at all, exam on 16th, planning to start at weekend. Mine is my last exam too, and then only one module to go with has a research piece instead of exam.

zzzzz angry it's a breach of DPA, max £500,000 fine, you may want to remind old HT.

zzzzz Thu 19-Sep-13 20:21:41

It may just be paranoia polt.

Ds2 has been positive about school ALL week.....that would be a first in 5 years, so I thnk I should be thanking my lucky stars.

I'm slightly envious of all you students. I miss using my brain that way. Then again I think it may be a bit atrophied by now. grin

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 20:26:59

You have plenty of time, I only started this week for my two <screams again>

Zzzzz, my brain has atrophied if my attempts at answering past paper questions is anything to go by hmm

Hopefully the new head isn't paying any heed to what the old head is saying if she has been gossiping.

Galena Thu 19-Sep-13 20:27:33

Panicking here... 2 appliances this evening have had white smoke and a burny smell coming from them. No idea what we have to do now.

On the positive side, I had a quick word with the head earlier about the TA not supervising DD up the steps, and she will have a word.

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 21:31:29

Scary galena, are they on the same trip switch? You could flick it off overnight until you get an electrician round just to be on the safe side

hazeyjane Thu 19-Sep-13 21:37:54

I am reeling a bit from your post, zzzzz, you really have touched a nerve!

I would come back with more, but am baking up a storm for the Jeans For Genes cake sale at dd's school tomorrow, have also made some denim bunting to put on the stall.

Last year was absolute chaos, so I am going to go to bed soon, in preparation for being mobbed by cake crazed children come 10 am!!

Galena Thu 19-Sep-13 21:44:06

Nope, TV upstairs, seldom used and then dishwasher in kitchen, used daily.

We phoned the electricity supplier to see if they'd had any surges (on the advice of a MNetter's DH - I love MN!) and they've sent someone out free of charge to have a look and see whether we have a problem.

Hazey, you must be mad! Hope it all goes well tomorrow.

Galena Thu 19-Sep-13 22:12:12

He's just gone. Things seem fine. Odd.

SummerRain Thu 19-Sep-13 22:26:31

Very odd indeed. Quick response from them though, I'm impressed. Over here you could be without power for days before they get around to sending someone. The suppliers solution for the lopsided junction box on my front lawn was to put a warning sticker on it hmm

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Fri 20-Sep-13 01:57:38

Good luck with everything all you lovely people. I'm in too much pain to post properly but wanted to let you know in still reading and thinking of you when I read the struggling / argh posts... flowers

Hi all. Don't apologise zzzzz, your post was fab.

Had a 'disagreement' with ds' school yesterday. It's not a big one but I'm cross. Then I remembered how tiny the issue was compared to many of those people on this board face, then got even more cross at the realisation that just because school aren't causing ds to self- harm doesn't mean I should give up on him learning to hold a pencil properly.

Since when should we reduce the expectations for our kids out of relief that they aren't being actively harmed?

Thepoodoctor Fri 20-Sep-13 09:02:41

Just off to see DS pick up a head teachers award - because he controlled himself in the playground when a younger boy hit him. Unwisely said boy timed it just as the Head was approaching smile

Half of me is really proud to be there for DS and the other half will be cringing from a sense of all the mummies and daddies of the well behaved thinking 'and why is that awful kid getting an award just for behaving in a slightly civilised manner' (as per numerous threads on the subject!)

Anyone else feel like this sometimes?!

SummerRain Fri 20-Sep-13 10:37:35

Equality isn't everyone being treated the same, it's everyone being treated as an individual and rewarded or punished in a manner that reflects their own strengths and weaknesses. Well done to your son for maintaining control and well done to the head for honouring his achievement flowers

Double brew I'm sorry you're struggling atm. Take care of yourself x

Thepoodoctor Fri 20-Sep-13 11:05:25

What's lovely is that the school have embraced 'Growth Mindset' which minus the management speak bollocks is all about challenging yourself and working on the things you find difficult - so DS award fitted right in with the theme. dS school rocks.

flowers for doublelife - I hope the pain improves soon. Take care.

Yes zzzzz fab post indeed. Even for my DD who is NT but has been through more in her little life than many adults, and just needs that bit extra from time to time. No apology required!

Galena Fri 20-Sep-13 11:28:39

PooDr that is so lovely! I love it when children are recognised for making progress in an area which, whilst many children find it easy, does not come easily to them. And I hope it was presented in a sensitive way, which didn't say 'Look how clever MiniDr is for not walloping someone' but rather 'How fantastic that MiniDr has made progress in an area of life he finds challenging'

Double , I hope things improve soon.

Star you are right, we should avoid making demands on children just because they might hurt themselves if we do - we should help them, in whichever way is most appropriate, to do the best they can.

I have been Very Productive today. I have...
-spoken to the TA who came to apologise profusely and said she didn't realise she was supposed to be supervising DD in from the playground
-packaged up wheelchair tyres to return as they were too small
-sourced wheelchair tyres the right size for half the price
-organised the courier to return the wrong ones
-packed some cross stitch charts I'm selling
-sorted an update letter/photos for the lovely couple who are pretty much funding DD's operation
-emailed the Lions club who are considering funding a trike for DD
-emailed the holiday cottage owner who asked me for a testimonial (although I haven't actually written the testimonial yet!)

Now I'm going to have a coffee and a bit of flapjack!

Hurrah Galena!

New thread: - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_chat/1858512-Goose-and-Carrot-Sept-20th

Coffee shop open and even has entertainment.....

youarewinning Sat 21-Sep-13 13:03:02

For all those studying - if it makes you feel any better I have a 3000 word ECA to send off on Tuesday (level 3 course) and haven't even typed the title yet grin I start my final course (level 2 in October and graduate next year) Everything is overwhelming atm and I'm being a terrible mum and let DS have a minecraft day as think we both need some downtime.

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