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Goose and Carrot, 6th Sept. End of first week drinkies!

(161 Posts)
Galena Fri 06-Sep-13 18:18:25

Let me open the doors today. All welcome!

We've had a good week. DD has started school and seems happy enough - a far cry from the insecure, screamy child who wouldn't let me leave the room for 5 minutes a year ago at preschool.

Apart from that, not much has happened... Still waiting for confirmation of her op, still waiting for report following complaint from her mri...

SallyBear Fri 06-Sep-13 18:41:55

Glad that she's had a great start at school. Have you spoken with the surgical bookings clerk to get an approximate date? They generally tell you roughly when it will be ime.

It's my birthday today, so I've had a nice peaceful day doing nothing much. DH was in Munich until this afternoon. He was more excited that Toby puppy can now go out for walkies than it being my birthday....., but I did get lots of lovely presents and cards, plus FB messages from everyone. I don't mind getting old really. smile

Galena Fri 06-Sep-13 18:49:36

Happy birthday, Sallybear! Glad you've had a nice day. Did you get a pressie from Munich?

Yes, I have been in contact and it should be early Nov (They are talking about 4th, but ghat could change), however, because their consultants haven't yet reviewed her MRI, they haven't confirmed that she is definitely suitable for the op. Our consultant says everything is fine, but they won't accept that, their surgeons need to review it too... They also broke the news that the op has to be paid for in full before the pre-op which will be October 7th! So, a month away, but they can't tell us she is definitely suitable yet! Argh!

PolterGoose Fri 06-Sep-13 19:01:11

Happy birthday Sally wine and cake

Glad dd is enjoying school Galena and hoping you get date confirmed soon flowers

Ds has managed his first 3 days back fine. Got the letter about choosing secondary yesterday, scary.

SummerRain Fri 06-Sep-13 19:11:53

Ds2 pooed in the toilet last night. I hadn't started the movicol yet but had been talking to him loads about it and last night while I had him on the loo something seemed to click in his head and he did it. Shocking how much a tiny body can hold shock grin only one accident since too... Bonus!

SummerRain Fri 06-Sep-13 19:12:29

Happy birthday Sally! cake

Galena Fri 06-Sep-13 19:16:21

Fantastic, summer ! We certainly found that once she was 'unbunged' she had less accidents of either sort. In fact, it wasn't till she was cleared out that she toilet trained, but then it was overnight.

autumnsmum Fri 06-Sep-13 19:17:34

Happy birthday Sally got two dcs back to school and now I just have to start dd2 at ss on monday

ouryve Fri 06-Sep-13 19:22:19

We've not had a bad start, either. DS1 even seems positive about homework, which we had to abandon, last year. This year, they have a bucket list, to do in any order, of 20 simple, everyday tasks which require reading or writing ability, use of numerical skills or IT skills eg finding out what record was number 1 when they were born, or making a cake they've never made before.

We were up at silly o'clock again, this morning, but nothing to do with the boys, this time. The power to most of the village was shorting out and everything kept turning on and off, so i was woken up by the phone repeatedly beeping and the radio alarm flashing on and off at 4:30. By the time I'd stumbled around the house with a torch and unplugged everything, I couldn't get back to sleep again. We had to fish out the camping stove to make the boys some egg sarnies for breakfast (both need something substantial, rather than sweet) and thankfully, the school was unaffected, since DH was working from home. We didn't get power back until lunchtime then it went off again, briefly, later in the afternoon. At least DH had plenty of reading to do for work and could use his phone for email. And we're glad he stayed home, as loads of the roads near where he works are flooded and closed. It's a new office, and ground floor, so he's expecting an interesting scenario when he arrives, on Monday! It also meant he could drive the already discombobulated boys to school and back and avoid the inevitable rain on face meltdowns.

moosemama Fri 06-Sep-13 19:23:57

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SALLY! flowers wine

Did you get a present off Toby? grin

Galena, good to hear dd is enjoying school. My dd is loving it so much she asked if she could go back in as we were walking out the gates this afternoon. I had to explain that much as her teachers love teaching her, they would rather like to go home and see their families at the weekend. grin

Ds1 is happy at his new school and they've been great so far, but transport issues continue to get worse and worse (see the transport problems threads if you can bear to read the full length rant). I am so angry, sad, heartbroken for ds and a million and one other emotions all rolled up into one, but too exhausted to actually let any of them out this evening.

He came home so exhausted and ill this evening. He practically fell out of the minibus and said "I need to go to bed, get me inside". I had to half carry him down the drive. sad Then as soon as we got in the front door he went into full meltdown because I suggested he came in the kitchen for a drink and some pain relief before he went up. He has a migraine and he only ever gets those when his stress levels are maxed out. sad

Dh and I are going to get things straight in our heads this weekend and a formal complaint will be going into the LA on Monday.

Ds2 is miserable as sin because he has the only two teachers he doesn't like in the whole school (on a job-share) this year. He had them both in y3 (y5 this year) and that was the only time I've ever known him not want to go to school - he was a timid, sad boy that whole school year. sad This morning he got upset on the way there and told me he didn't want to go - so here we go again.

... and none of them have been back a week yet!

I need an enormous glass of wine - no scratch that, gimme the bottle!

stillstanding29 Fri 06-Sep-13 19:39:49

Hi guys smile First time I've joined in one of these weekend threads - I normally lurk.

Happy Birthday Sally!

Feel for you and your DSs moose. There have been a few worrying transport threads this week.

I am about to have a big glass of wine for getting through a long week. I can't believe DS3 has actually started his new school after a 2 year build up and he's hardly batted an eyelid. Long may it continue. I have made progress with his transport problems as LA have confirmed that driver is not allowed to leave DS at his drop off point if there is no one there to meet him. DS1 & 2 back ito college and school with minimal grumbling.

Grumpy husband though!!

ouryve Fri 06-Sep-13 19:48:28

And as a separate post, since that one was a bit of an essay:

Happy birthday Sally!
And WTG, SummerRain's DS2 (oh, we certainly have Summer rain, today)

Moose, poor boys and poor you, having to deal with the fall out of it all with them - have the whole bottle of wine

And i forgot to mention - I finally managed to speak to the EWO, the other day and she apologised profusely.

moosemama Fri 06-Sep-13 19:59:17

Might need two bottles ... and a box of chocolates.

Ds2 just completely lost it with ds1 for talking at him, ds1 came downstairs in distress telling us that ds2 had gone to bed in our bed and wouldn't speak to him.

I spoke to ds2 and told him to try and have more compassion for ds1's situation and explained what an awful time ds1 is having and that he needs to reconnect with home and wind down. Ds2 then went upstairs, pulled a face at ds1 and burst into tears. Cue ds1 coming back down to ask what was wrong with ds2 saying he was really worried about him.

I have now told them that they are both exhausted and it's probably better if they just leave each other alone this evening and spend some time together tomorrow instead.

Aaargh!

Ouryve, I'm so glad the EWO apologised - so she bloody well should!

Trigglesx Fri 06-Sep-13 20:02:02

Hi all. Been a chaotic week (as always, it seems). But hoping that things settle down now. Today has been particularly trying.

I am convinced that I am the one going to school - all the paperwork sent home from both schools to fill in, it's like I am the one with the homework. I am already sick of paperwork. hmm

I cancelled the appointment with the doctor regarding the enuresis. She prescribed meds for DS1, but then huge warning not to allow him to drink any liquids for 6-8 hours after meds taken, or it will overload kidneys and land him in ICU. Well, you can imagine my comfort level with that! shock DS1 goes to bed with a big sipper of water each night - rarely drinks out of it, but has it there in case he starts coughing or gets a tickly throat. It's part of "the bedtime routine." The last thing I need to worry about it a nightly meltdown over taking this away, plus the worry that he'll take his brother's water from his room (which means I then have TWO of them upset over loss of water by the bedside), and then I need to keep an ear out (while I'm sleeping, mind!) that he doesn't get up and go downstairs and get water from the bathroom sink and drink that. Not. Worth. the Aggravation. IMO.

Plus he recently had a dry night (a rarity) and very minimal urine in the pullup this morning. Feeling a bit positive - even if it's just for a few day. grin

The paed seems to think his frequent waking up at night is due to bed wetting, but he wakes up when dry - sings, talks to himself, wanders about his room, comes in to talk to me - so I hardly think it's strictly due to that. I think he simply is awake because he wakes up. Not really THAT complicated, is it? I am not sure I want to give him MORE sleeping meds as how will he ever be dry if he is drugged into deeper sleep? confused

Such a dilemma. H was a bit annoying this week, stating he couldn't come up with the £30 for half of DS2's swimming lessons, when I'm soon paying for a third 6wk session for DS1 for private lessons, which cost £120 per session. sigh

On a positive note, DS1 is happy with school, and they start RDA riding next week as well as afterschool art club.

God, sorry so long. <Makes mental note to get out more and talk to people> grin

Trigglesx Fri 06-Sep-13 20:02:25

Oh, sorry - meant to say Happy Birthday Sally!!!!

SummerRain Fri 06-Sep-13 20:36:26

Triggles grin we're people and we get it, write as much as you feel like and don't apologise. Wrt the eurenisis meds, dd took the desmopressin and we didn't get those warnings about fluids, we were just told don't let her drink too much. Not that they worked anyway. And now the cystin has stopped working too hmm

Dd had today off, her asthma is bad. I had dropped her down to one puff of brown a day and she wasn't using the blue at all so I stopped the brown last week to give her a break but she's very bad today, had to use the blue repeatedly and wasn't able for school. I feel guilty now, I foolishly thought if she was completely asthma free on the brown she could cope without it for a little while blush

Hi all,

There is something wrong with me today. No idea why I've been so grumpy. I've now gone and poured half yes HALF a bottle of red into the Bolognese sauce when I was in a daze about something. I considered taking it off the heat immediately so that I could consume it with full alcohol content but alas, it is to be shared with the kids. sad

DS started school on Thursday and seemed pleased to be back, so that is a relief. It helps that he was given a very detailed visual story about it and I think plenty of preparation and also, significantly, he has the same teacher. Perhaps it is the relief of that that has me moping around.

Sorry you've not heard about the op or complaint Galena. Hope they both come soon. Both stressful even if you didn't have to do waiting also.

Happy Birthday Sallybear!!!

Well done to Polter's and summerrain's ds'

So sorry about ongoing transport issues Moose. Hope you can both unwind a bit over the weekend.

hazeyjane Fri 06-Sep-13 20:53:13

Hello everyone.

Happy Birthday SallyBear! Hope you are drinking something sparkling (not Fanta) and eating fine chocolates.

Glad to hear of the smooth school starts, and sorry to hear about shitty weeks.

I am in a quandary over stuff at the moment, thinking about cutting some things from ds's routine, but not sure if I would be doing it for the right reasons.

Seeing ds at preschool this week has really got me down, I have a lot of thinking to do.

By the way, thankyou to zzzzz for the tip about writing a diary about school, I've started doing it, and think it will really help.

PolterGoose Fri 06-Sep-13 21:04:58

Sorry all of you having crap weeks wine cake

Star please check you inbox wink

SallyBear Fri 06-Sep-13 21:14:29

Thank you everyone! Watching tv, quaffing a nice Malbec and eyeing up birthday posh chocolates. smile Love birthdays!

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 06-Sep-13 21:25:59

Hello everyone. Happy birthday Sally.

Moose so sorry to hear about your ongoing transport troubles.
Great for those with smooth starts.

Triggles get what you mean about the paperwork I had masses this week and Dd hasn't started yet.

Ds seems to be managing transition to 6th form well on the whole. His OCD rituals made him late this morning. They are supposed to phone 6th form admin themselves if they are late or ill and he did it without any hesitation and explained why! (He is usually embarrassed to talk about his OCD difficulties.)

DH is going off to look after his mum who has had an operation on her leg tomorrow for a week. He isn't usually away for more than a couple of nights so it will be interesting to see how that goes.

ouryve Fri 06-Sep-13 22:05:11

Moose. Our houses sound equally peaceful.

At least ds1 didn't loudly wish ds2 gone, this evening.

winewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewinewine

ArthurPewty Sun 08-Sep-13 10:17:04

Ah Moose sorry to hear its chaos.

DD2 starts tomorrow, half days, in reception.

DD1 handling things very well, with her usual aplomb. She can be a lazy mouthy pre-teen she adores school.

DD2's Annual review scheduled for the same day as the strikes (wtf?!) so not sure what's going to happen there. Imagine i'll have to appeal anyway - they will not want to quantify, but i will not settle for less. I want the statements sorted properly and lawfully before these piece of shit EHCPs roll out next year.

ArthurPewty Sun 08-Sep-13 10:17:29

*but she adores school - and she does work hard on it.

PolterGoose Sun 08-Sep-13 10:57:37

NoHaudin really pleased ds is settling into 6th form and made his own phone call shock very impressed grin

Arthur best wishes for dd2 starting school and good luck for the review

So far so good here smile

ArthurPewty Sun 08-Sep-13 11:42:35

thanks Polter.

ArthurPewty Sun 08-Sep-13 11:47:19

DD1 really needs to wear a bra shock and to find another hobby to accompany Minecraft - she's so single minded about it that she's sitting all day long...

Just catching up with this after a busy couple of days. I was out with friends on Friday and took the boys to a beer festival yesterday. Took them home early and went back for the last couple of hours. Live blues band, great fun.

Happy belated Birthday, SallyBear for Friday.

Glad most people's school starts have been good, shocked at all the transport issues, though.

My first week at my science tech job has been fine. People are nice and, more importantly, tolerant of my inexperience. I'm really tired though, and my feet hurt! 9 - 4 Mon - Fri, and trying to fit everything else in around it. Scouts, Explorers and swimming club start back next week, tomorrow in fact so more to juggle. Should be food shopping, cutting the grass and helping with homework today but in fact I'm sitting in my dressing gown catching up on MN. blush

signandsmile Sun 08-Sep-13 14:45:46

Hi all, ellen you have my sympathy, I am working on fitting in the new job with the rest of life myself... Had forgotten how stressful new job for new organisation is, (and they are not that well prepared, so even more stressful hmm)
So pleased that so many dcs have coped this week, my ds has too, (phew), and I like both his new TA and new teacher, (although I swear his teacher is about 15yrs old (bless him!)
Moose sounds like a crap time with transport... so stressful all round sad angry.
PS, belated cake for sally

Trigglesx Sun 08-Sep-13 15:01:37

For the love of god, why is it so hard for DCs to LISTEN?!?!?!?!?! grrrrrrr I just went upstairs and for the fourth day in a row, DS2 has pulled the stupid mattress off his bed and they started jumping on the mattress and bed. This is how they broke DS2's bed last week and I've only just gotten it fixed. FFS is it REALLY that hard to understand DON'T DO IT!?!?!?!

ok... breathe breathe..... makes me mental, it really does.... I can't get a fucking thing done around the house because I have to monitor EVERYTHING.... ALL the TIME......

Trigglesx Sun 08-Sep-13 15:01:53

sorry, seriously needed a vent there.... sigh

ouryve Mon 09-Sep-13 10:24:58

An understandable vent, triggles. Ds1 spent most of yesterday simmering and blew up at teatime.

And this is interesting. Just got Ds2's amended statement in the post. Before ds1's. ds1's annual review was a month before Ds2's.

NoHaudinMaWheest Mon 09-Sep-13 13:37:04

Real struggle with Ds this morning. He got stuck in his OCD stuff last night and slept on the loo (a not infrequent occurence). Being late and tired and not very well, I slept through my alarm and didn't wake until 8.10 when Ds should be on the bus to school.
Fortunately it is Dd's first day back and her year were not due in until 10.15 otherwise she would have been seriously late too.
Ds really struggled and with much cajoling finally went in in time for afternoon school. He was so fed up with himself and the OCD and I am so sad and disappointed as he was doing really well. I am also worried about what the new school's attitude will be as every thing is an unknown quantity now.

PolterGoose Mon 09-Sep-13 16:48:09

Oh Triggles and ouryve and NoHaudin lots of wine and cake for you all flowers

ouryve Mon 09-Sep-13 20:18:26

MMMMMmmmmmm! Cake!

PolterGoose Mon 09-Sep-13 20:44:31

Sometimes I just can't find the words, so cake is the best I can offer.

ouryve Mon 09-Sep-13 22:17:11

I'm taking a day off stripping paint, tomorrow, to bake cake.

NoHaudinMaWheest Mon 09-Sep-13 22:25:34

ouryve How has ds been today?
The labyrinthine ways of the LA eh!
Thanks for the cake Polter. School seems to have been helpful when he went in and he has now tackled the work he missed at home.

PolterGoose Mon 09-Sep-13 22:33:49

Yum, cake. I made a Nutella cake at the weekend, me, ds and FatCat loved it, dp didn't.

Glad school were good NoHaudin it bodes well smile

SummerRain Mon 09-Sep-13 23:21:49

cake from me too, nothing helpful to add I'm afraid.

Ds1 was calm today, bit of a freakout during homework but god love his teacher she'd anticipated him struggling with what she'd set the rest of the class (making up stuff again) so had set something else for him, thankfully he realised before he hit the point of no return and did it happily.

I got a phonecall from the resource teacher to say as he'd scored so highly in the standardised tests he's eligible for a program of courses run by a university aimed at exceptional children, lots of cool stuff like forensics and computer science which he'd love. Unfortunately for his age group they're Dublin or cork only but definitely something to look into next year when he's in the 8-13 age group as theres some in Sligo which would be doable.

Ds2 had his first full day and is still enjoying it.

PolterGoose Tue 10-Sep-13 06:32:24

Wow Summer that alll sounds fab grin

SummerRain Tue 10-Sep-13 09:30:43

It's nice to have something positive to relate for once. wink

ouryve Tue 10-Sep-13 10:19:11

Much calmer, NHMW. He was behaving like he does prior to his vomiting episodes and even slept on the floor, convinced he was going to be sick. Right as rain and as calm as he ever is afterwards. The migraine exclusion diet seems to be working.

I'm taking the back to frontness of the revised statements as a sign that our desire for a change of placement for DS1 is being taken seriously. They've updated DS2's with new information from SALT, since they've been a lot more involved with him, this past year and updated section 3 to reflect that.

ouryve Tue 10-Sep-13 10:22:21

That sounds like a fabulous opportunity for your DS, SummerRain.

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 10:56:30

Bit late for the Friday night drink, but this week I don't actually need one!

Ds is on his 4th day at school, his self injury has reduced already, instead of covering his entire body, it has reduced to a couple of areas and his previous injuries from last Wednesday all over his body (getting stressed about starting school) are healing.

We are having a few difficulties, but fairly minimal. He is not kicking and screaming and hurting himself when I try to get him to school. He is not happy about going, but 100% improvement.

SummerRain Tue 10-Sep-13 11:45:34

Thats brilliant news claw, you must be relieved. Hopefully he continues the year as well as he's started it, the self harming must be awful for you to deal with flowers

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Tue 10-Sep-13 12:20:49

Claw - I think DS is doing brilliantly grin

DH stayed locally with DS1 for the first week and it was an absolute nightmare (I was virtually present tanks to FaceTime hmm). DS1 actually used the heel of his school shoe to beat DH over the head hmm. Lucky there was nothing more lethal to hand.

He is starting archery club today - has anyone read We Need To Talk About Kevin? shockgrin

ouryve Tue 10-Sep-13 13:20:14

Fingers crossed that this is a long term improvement for your DS, Claw.

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 14:23:09

Thanks guys

Keeponkeepingon oh dear shoe beatings and now archery club, I hope your DH is a fast runner!

Galena Tue 10-Sep-13 15:06:45

claw glad to hear DS is coping ok at the moment.
KeepOn that sounds hard.

The neurosurgeons at Frenchay have FINALLY reviewed DD's MRI, and yes, it shows exactly what everyone expected and so she will definitely be having SDR - and we have been given a provisional date of 4th November (although that may change if the preceding SDR ops don't go ahead as planned.) Pre-op appointment 7th Oct by the looks of things.

NoHaudinMaWheest Tue 10-Sep-13 19:33:27

Claw that's good news so far.
Keep hope things begin to settle for your Ds.
Galena good to have some positive news instead of endless waiting.
Summer that sounds great for your ds.

My ds is doing a trial acting class tonight. He enjoyed the practical bits of his GCSE drama and wanted to carry on acting so he is giving this class a go. It is the same school that Dd has been with for years and them seem to be quite inclusive so fingers crossed.

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 19:42:31

Good luck Galena and Nohaudin, hope things go well for you and ds's.

moosemama Tue 10-Sep-13 22:22:53

NoHaudin, sorry I missed your post the yesterday. Glad college was supportive of your ds and he's managed to catch up. Hope he enjoyed his acting class tonight.

Summer that sounds amazing. Well done your ds.

Claw, really pleased to hear things are going ok so far for your ds.

Galena, glad you've finally got the results and a date to focus on.

My news is less cheerful. Things have settled down in the transport department - although we still aren't happy with the general set up or the fact that they seem to be arriving earlier and earlier each morning without any warning. We've had tears because although he's always got up at 6.00, he usually vegges on the sofa for an hour before having to start getting ready and he needs that time to himself. This morning I had to wake him and drag him out of bed at 6.30 and the blooming transport turned up at 7.05 - half an hour earlier than last week, with no prior warning.

Unfortunately, things aren't going as well with school as we'd hoped either. The response to my email on the first day was obviously a red herring, as I had to email them for Monday morning, due to problems and meltdowns over homework and some info re SALT. I still haven't had a response to that one and the homework in question is due in on Thursday and ds doesn't know what he's supposed to be doing. (It's taken over 2 hours + meltdowns so far and he's barely started.) The LSA is writing down his homework for him, but not being specific enough and he's simply not taking in what the teacher's saying, leading to possible/probably interpretations.

None of the staff are understanding how specific you need to be with language and instructions with him or that he will seem as if he's understood every word and knows what he's doing, when in reality he doesn't have a clue and probably didn't take any of it in.

On top of that his blazer went missing after his first ever PE lesson. The teacher helped him search the changing rooms (despite him having hung it on the peg with his pe bag) and said someone must have worn it home in error - but that's not actually possible, as there wasn't another one left in there, meaning someone would have to have gone home with two. They said they'd check all Y7 blazers today, but didn't find it. After he dropped that bombshell I checked his PE bag and discovered half his school tracksuit is missing as well. Both items cost ££s with it being and indie school and we simply don't have the money to replace them. He came home from school after PE with his tie around his neck, but above his shirt collar and despite the teacher having the whole rigmarole around looking for his blazer with him and the SENCO putting him on transport not one person thought they should help him sort it out so he didn't look ridiculous.

He was upset that he missed computer club, despite having been invited, because he wouldn't/couldn't ask anyone for directions to the room. He still doesn't have a locker, despite dh handing in the key deposit when he took him to induction day - and staff are aware of this, as they're currently locking his excess baggage in the ladies staff room. He says he can't ask questions if he's not sure of anything, because they're not allowed to speak in class and when I told him to put his hand up, he said they tell you to put it down again. hmm

He has been given at least 3 pieces of homework a night so far, despite us being told he would only have to do homework for core subjects and as a result he had a 7 subject backlog until I braved the fireworks to make him do two of them this evening.

I had a note home today asking me to please supply him with a ruler - he had no fewer than three in his bag, two of which were immediately visible when you unzipped it and he's been asked to do homework in an exercise book he doesn't have. confused

He insists he's enjoying it there, but his anxiety levels are sky high and I can see him desperately trying to hold it together.

aaand ... ds2 has been up all night sobbing because he has the teacher he is terrified of again this year and she apparently spent all day screaming full voice at the whole class, then put them all in playtime detention tomorrow.

aaand .... dd is already off sick with a horrible virus, which has left her doing a good vocal impression of Mariella Frostrup.

So, I had enough by teatime tonight and text dh to call me, then promptly cracked up over the telephone. I expected teething troubles, but it's as if they've just completely ignored his statement and all the support he needs and left him on his own to flounder. He should have a mentor that he sees several times a day, but that isn't happening, he's supposed to type his work - nope and the list goes on ....

I have never in my life before counted down to half-term so soon after they've started back in September.

moosemama Tue 10-Sep-13 22:23:36

Sorry for the huge ranty post - needed to let it out somewhere as dh clearly thinks I'm being precious. angry

NoHaudinMaWheest Tue 10-Sep-13 22:48:54

Moose I definitely don't think you are being precious. That's a long list of things to go wrong in the first week. I hope you manage to see someone and get it sorted out soon. It is so disappointing when it looked as if the school was going to be so helpful.
sad for ds2 too. There is nothing worse than a shouty teacher. I still occasionally have nightmares about one I had in primary even though I only had her for music.
Sorry I realise that isn't very comforting. Is there any hope of him moving class?

claw2 Tue 10-Sep-13 23:08:15

Oh Moose sorry you are having such a tough week.

Ds lost his jumper on the first day of wearing it and didn't even have PE that day, £35 to replace too, so not cheap is it. And despite me asking about PE kit before starting and being told to buy tracksuit etc. A note in planner about ds now needing another 2 PE kits and outdoor trainers!

We too have homework coming out of our ears and a backlog. We have tried 'write down 10 decision you make in a day and what influenced your decision' for 2 days running. Ds just cant think of any decisions and has a meltdown if I suggest any and wont accept my ideas.

He also had a note written in his planner 'SALT appointment 9.30' tomorrow, im not sure if they want me to attend or are just informing me or whether I should ask to be there confused

SummerRain Tue 10-Sep-13 23:26:44

moose and claw sad It's easpecially heartbreaking to read as your boys sound so similar to ds1, I worry so much about how he'll cope as the world continues to expect more and more from him.

Trigglesx Tue 10-Sep-13 23:36:01

Good God Almighty, moosemama - I'd be ranting if I were in your shoes - (actually I'd probably be out creating chaos grin) but I hope things right themselves soon. You are not being precious!!

I'm really shocked that they are being so dismissive of your DS's needs.

For me, if I were feeling a bit less ill, I'd be dancing about the living room singing "school, glorious school" - honestly!! DS1 is back in school, and although DS2 is still on shortened days (which means 3 school runs a day yee haw!! hmm), it is so obvious that DS1 missed the "schedule" of school. He seems slightly more settled, although obviously still adjusting to things. RDA started this week for him (through school) as does Art Club and Sports Club will soon start, and he is starting something in class this year that he has always wanted to do - learn a foreign language (French). He's thrilled. (I'm not, however, as it means I will need to learn it with him - eeeeek! How in god's name will I know what he's up to if he's muttering in FRENCH?!?!?!?!)

Galena Wed 11-Sep-13 07:14:01

moose, that sounds crap to the highest degree. And it doesn't help if DH is being dismissive either. Can you arrange a meeting with somebody (senco, class teacher or head) 'to discuss how he is settling'?

Triggles, glad DS1 is beginning to settle - and I wouldn't worry too much about French yet. He's not going to be fluent enough to mutter more than 'bonjour, je m'appelle DS1' for a few months.

Trigglesx Wed 11-Sep-13 07:31:06

'bonjour, je m'appelle DS1'

Well, that's already more than what I know of French! grin No, I know he won't be fluent for quite some time (if ever), but I am well aware that my learning it as he is learning it is probably a good idea. I could easily see him deciding (when a bit older and knows more French) to speak only in French on any given day - just because he can. It's one of his obsessions - the foreign language thing.

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 08:18:55

Thanks guys. I'm glad somebody understands. We're ringing the SENCO today with a huge list of problems to address. Not sure what she'll do, as being secondary, I don't know how likely a meeting is or whether we have to wait and see if she sorts out the current issues and finally starts taking his needs - and his statement - into consideration and arranges some decent support.

Got up early again to get him ready this morning. (The early mornings are killing me.) Twenty minutes later dh tells me that transport is picking ds us later this morning - apparently they told ds to tell us. hmm Ds told dh, but not me and they hadn't told him how much later they were going to be coming. On further investigation it turns out that while we've been crowbarring him out of bed at stupid o'clock and rushing to get him ready in time, they've been arriving at school 35-40 minutes early, when it's still shut! angry Students are allowed in at 8.00 and can wait in the library if they need to, but they don't need to be there until 8.35. Ds's transport has been arriving at 7.50 most days. angry

So we have a teacher that tells him to memorise his homework question and a transport firm that's asking him to relay messages - neither of which he can do. It's a miracle he told dh about the pick-up change and a bloody good job they didn't say they were coming earlier or he wouldn't have been ready.

I have ds2 off today as well as dd. He was up so much in the night sobbing about his teacher that he is a zombie this morning. He came downstairs and started sobbing straight away that he can't face going in only to sit there and be shouted at all day again. The class has playtime detention and he says she will just shout continuously the whole time.

Fortunately, he has been moved up a set in literacy and isn't in her group for numeracy (in fact he has his lovely, lovely teacher from last year for both of those subjects) which means he now won't see her until next Monday, as she is only half-time. Unfortunately the other half of her job share is equally as mean and shouty and a teacher I had to try and tell he was scared of her when he had her in y3- and actually I'm scared of her too - blush. She was really rude and dismissive, said she isn't scary, never shouts at him because she doesn't need to and he needs to 'man up'. hmm The ridiculous thing is, he hasn't actually done anything wrong or got into trouble directly. He just can't cope with the teachers constantly yelling at the whole class and imposing whole class punishments.

He's mostly NT, but has the odd trait and I do think part of what's going on here related to that. Unfortunately, his Wed afternoon to Friday teacher was the one that, as soon as I walked into a meeting to discuss his Hypermobility (which she shouldn't have been at, as it was supposed to be with just his form tutor and she only had him for maths) said "Before you start Moosemama, can I just point out that ds2 isn't ds1 and he clearly doesn't have Autism, so you needn't imply that he does." shock angry I have never suggested he does to them and wouldn't, because unless he's in the class of a mean-spirited, shouty, child-hating teacher he doesn't have any problems and is a happy, well-adjusted, well-achieving little boy. Last year's teacher was so lovely, really picked up on him being sensitive and a bit quirky and took him under her wing. He was so happy and thrived in her class and- this is a million miles away from that. I can just see him shutting down again, like he did in y3 - he's only been back in school 5 days. sad

The Mon-Wed teacher is the teacher ds1 had in Y4. She shouldn't be teaching, she doesn't hide the fact that she doesn't like children, is clearly depressed and can't cope and spent the whole of the year ds1 had her telling us "It has nothing to do with his autism - he's doing it on purpose to get at me." angry

Other parents have complained about her. She made one of ds2's friends wet himself in Y3 by repeatedly refusing his request to go to the toilet, then the same boy lost his jumper, searched the whole school, his Mum came in and helped, everyone looked for it, then at parents' evening when she mentioned it the teacher said it was in the cupboard in her room and he hadn't asked her directly so she hadn't given it back and he should learn to be more careful with his stuff! angry Ds says she throws things across the room when she gets angry and his best friend was hit by a board rubber that she was actually throwing at someone else last time they had her.

Not sure how to approach dealing with this. He became a shadow of himself last time he was in these womens' class, really introvert, crying, refusing school, feigning illness etc, but I know if I go to the Head they will just roll their eyes and say "here goes Moosemama again".

hazeyjane Wed 11-Sep-13 09:27:45

Oh moose, how bloody disheartening, no wonder you want to rant. I know what you mean about the eyerolling, I feel as though ds's preschool are already sticking their fingers in their ears and going 'la la la' because crazy hazeyjane is already making demands and asking for completely irrational stuff like, um, the chair that ds is supposed to have.

Ah well we have a day of respite from it all today, dd2 is off with a 'sore foof-er-acha' (her description to the dr) ie another bad urine infection, and ds is curled up on the sofa next to me covered in snot with a temperature. It was an awful night with dd2 up all night crying with the soreness and dh and I took it in turns to sit up in ds's bed with him struggling to swallow.

ArthurPewty Wed 11-Sep-13 09:33:25

Oh Moose, i had so many hopes for that school for DD1. sad
We were going to go to the open day coming up, cos we need to start thinking about what we're going to do with DD1, mainstream comp or indie...

claw2 Wed 11-Sep-13 09:36:08

What a bloody cheek that teacher has 'before you start he doesn't have autism like your other son' so she is an ASD specialist, as well as a miserable cow now too.

SallyBear Wed 11-Sep-13 09:50:09

Moose, why is DS2 at this school? Christ alive I'd be writing to the LEA and Ofsted.

Galena Wed 11-Sep-13 10:06:20

Is there any possibility of moving DS2 moose? You can't have another year like that. sad

hazey, hope both feel better soon and that you all get some sleep.

DD seems to be loving school. Has made a friend - in fact, they are such good friends already that the teacher asked if they'd known each other before. No, they didn't, theyve just clicked. Hppefully when they move from half classes to whole class next week the friend won't find a new best friend and desert DD. I have heard rumours that DD's TA is the only YR TA. angry However, I don't need to start off on the wrong foot with the school, because I've mentioned it to the Advisory Teacher who comes in sometimes, and they are going to monitor it for the next couple of weeks and then point out that she is not a class TA, but an extra.

Ho hum. Is it too early for wine ? Perhaps I should just have brew and cake

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Wed 11-Sep-13 10:32:33

Moose - sorry everything is shit all at the same time sad

DS1 had all sorts of issues when he first started. The thing is that his school are not at all dismissive and are always several steps ahead of me (DS1 does not contact me beyond the odd text during the week so I never know what's going on). In m/s when something goes wrong it continues to go wrong and then the child somehow is held responsible for things going wrong in the first place and 'needs to learn' (ie without being explicitly taught). But don't expect everything to go smoothly from the start - a lot of NT DC struggle with the change to secondary at first but this is multiplied for your DS1. Things will go wrong sometimes - response to things going wrong is crucial.

I hope that DS1's new school are equally observant of where issues arise and respond immediately and effectively to them. If they do, you can learn to trust schools/teaching staff again. Trust is relational though and reluctance to place trust before it is earned is perfectly understandable. Also DS1 will need to learn to trust again. In a way things going pear-shaped for my DS1 taught him that he could trust the staff at the school - that they would catch him when (not if) he fell.

DS2's school angry - I wouldn't give a toss about them rolling their eyes and be more Bolshie! If the head is useless go to the BOG, then the LEA and Ofsted.

Trigglesx Wed 11-Sep-13 10:55:23

I'll admit DS2's school (which was so brilliant with DS1 while he was in MS) seemed a bit funny about me mentioning a couple times that DS2 needed a closer eye on him until he had his boundaries established as he wandered a bit (side effects of having a runner for an older brother, I suspect - learning from siblings - always the wrong things they learn, eh? hmm). A bit patronising with the "oh children in reception are like that sometimes - we keep a very close eye on them, especially in the early days when they're still learning the routine of the school."

And then on the first day of school - they lost DS2. Literally lost him as he wandered off and they didn't notice. angry They had to search the school. He was found and okay, but I was livid and spoke directly to the head about it.

No more patronising comments. None. grin I, of course, am too mature to say "I told you so." But I did. Twice. To the Headteacher. grin

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 11:37:19

Arthur - despite all of the crap at ds1's new school he's loving it there. He's stressed to the max, transport is a big issue and there are countless problems, but he loves it, is with other kids with AS that all great on great together talking at each other about Minecraft, Lego, Mobile Phones and Starwars, in a class of only 12 pupils. He is already a member of two clubs (computer and Minecraft - of course) and has really bonded with the head of both clubs, who is in y9, happens to sit next to him on transport and also went to ds's primary school. Dh and I have already said if he wasn't enjoying it we'd pull him out in a heartbeat and homeschool, but I don't think he'd thank us for it.

All they need to do is provide the basic provision from his statement and he'd be doing fine, but they seem to have completely forgotten that he has AS and assume he can do what other NT 11 year olds can - BUT - at the same time, it is so very different from a normal secondary school, they have stricter rules than primary, just like most secondaries, but they are not enforced in such an oppressive way and the standard way of handling pupils is with kindness and respect. For example, they have so many non-NT pupils that they wouldn't yell at a pupil in the corridor because his shirt wasn't tucked in or his tie was too loose and there's no pressure on them timewise re getting changed for PE.

Dh called the SENCO today and ran through the list of problems. For the most part it was a case of 'well he's still settling in' 'we always have hiccoughs in the first couple of weeks, then it will settle down' etc, but she did take on board the need for them to be more specific with language and he was able to reiterate to her that no-matter how it appears to them, ds's stress and anxiety levels are maxed out and while he's holding it together at school, things at home are a whole other matter. We've had to strongly reinforce that he simply will not ask for help until he feels safe and has a 'safe adult' to confide it and also point out that he won't ask for help or clarification in class, because they've been told not to speak during lessons (again literal interpretation of rules). hmm

KeepOn You speak a lot of sense. That's kind of what I was trying to say to ArthurPewty. The way they respond to the pupils when things go wrong is completely different to ms secondary. There's no blame culture, they do just try and help sort it out. I expected teething problems, but have been disappointed that his support wasn't in place from the start, in particular his mentor - as it is reinforced again and again throughout his statement that if he has that in place, everything else will come together. I was also really cross that they didn't respond to the email I sent them on Sunday night, as they'd reassured me that emailing them would be ok. Now the SENCO says it's better to call, but I feel like I'd just be on the phone day in day out and they'll get sick of me and stop taking my calls. I thought by emailing them they could sort the problem, then get back to me when they had time, rather than me bugging them when they're busy. Dh and I have now agreed that we will email them first to flag a problem and say "we will call you later to discuss" that way we have a paper trail, but will hopefully get a faster response.

Sally, ds2 has always loved the school and been really happy and settled there, the only year he was ever unhappy was when he had these two particular teachers for Maths and Literacy in Y3 - we thought that was it, then in their wisdom they decided to inflict those teachers on ds's class a second time. angry

Ds1's bf's mum is a governor and she was telling me that they simply can't get rid of these teachers. They had a teacher that was literally off sick for 2/3rds of every academic year and didn't bother actually teaching her pupils for the other 3rd but they were powerless to dismiss her.

He slept until 10.00 am this morning and has come downstairs a bit happier. He doesn't have the worst teacher again until Monday now, so dh and I need to formulate a plan and I'm going to speak to a few other parents who also have a problem with this particular teacher as well.

Trigglesx Wed 11-Sep-13 12:28:03

Dh and I have now agreed that we will email them first to flag a problem and say "we will call you later to discuss" that way we have a paper trail, but will hopefully get a faster response.

This worked really well for us when DS1 was in MS school - it meant we weren't playing phone tag, which tends to make me crazed. Plus you have a record of the communication, which never hurts.

ouryve Wed 11-Sep-13 12:30:24

Glad something's finally happening for you. More crossed fingers, here, Galena, that everything goes smoothly (though do you mind if I uncross them when I go back to stripping paint?)

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 14:09:09

That's what we thought Triggles. A bit sad that we're already having to think like that, but once bitten ...

ouryve Wed 11-Sep-13 14:16:09

Don't want to read and run, moose (been busy and I still need to clean up and have a shower before I get the boys). Just to say I Understand.

DS1 had one of those teachers in year 2. She'd taught year 2 forever. She made him hate school. I couldn't even get him into school on the days when she was on duty when he was in year 3 because she'd always find a reason to comment negatively on what he was doing, eg being indoors at lunchtime, when his 1:1 had brought him in out of the hubub of the yard for some peace and quiet and to do some jobs with her (something he likes doing!) Thankfully, she retired at the end of that year, before DS2 reached year 2. I wouldn't have wanted her to be allowed within a mile of him. She's the exception, though. All other staff have been lovely with the boys. DS2 has the teacher DS1 had last year, who has a great relationship with both of them.

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 15:05:55

Don't worry about it ouryve. I'm surprised anyone had the time or energy to read my rantings. blush flowers

It's horrible how one teacher can ruin school for a child. I would say I will never understand why people who clearly hate kids become teachers, but in the case of these two you can see how much they enjoy the power it gives them. Ds2 told me that after she'd screamed at their class solidly for a whole lesson yesterday, he then saw overheard her in the corridor telling another teacher what she'd done and laughing about it. angry

ouryve Wed 11-Sep-13 16:00:27

You've got plenty worth ranting about, moose. There's a lot to be said for letting off a bit of steam before you chew the ears off the people around you.

DS1 was lucky he had his 1:1 to stick up for him. The woman was convinced she could fix him with a bit of discipline hmm Nope, he simply very quickly learnt how to push her buttons and then refused to even set foot in the classroom.

I'm frustrated with DS1 because he's "lost" all the work he did for his homework. There was me thinking that the free choice portion of homework was perfect for him, but no, as hand in day has approached, he's become increasingly avoidant and the notes he had ready to type out have disappeared. In theory, I should allow him to pursue his pet topic on the computer until he's at least produced soemthing, but in practice, I know that would only achieve an evening of screaming and ranting and he'd probably take it all out on poor DS2. And there would still be no homework done.

autumnsmum Wed 11-Sep-13 16:15:25

Well so far I'm realised pleased with choice of ss for dd2 in fact ds 8 who has high functioning autism wants to go there as well .

ArthurPewty Wed 11-Sep-13 16:53:23

Moose - there's a minecraft CLUB? holy shit, DD1 will leap for joy.

SallyBear Wed 11-Sep-13 17:06:07

It's a pity that parents can't be a bit underhand and rig up a recording of their dcs teachers in class. It might be a bit of a wake up call about teaching in general. When I think of DS1's y3/5 teacher I want to be a bit......

PolterGoose Wed 11-Sep-13 17:28:57

I did a long ranty post earlier and MN went down and I lost it.

wine and cake all round, moose hope things improve, glad you're happy with new school autumn.

Had my own school nonsense today so sent this email to HT:

Re: Y6 supply teacher

I am ds' mum and am a little concerned that the supply teacher working in Mr X class this week is a supply teacher I have previously raised concerns about and was assured she would not be used again.

Ds has again reported her shouting and lack of patience as well as the whole class being ordered to 'shut up'. I spend a lot of time working with ds on appropriate responses and dealing with his own anger and frustrations and I really do expect teachers to model appropriate pro-social behaviours.

I understand that she is due to teach the class again tomorrow/Thursday and I would be very grateful if you could monitor her classroom behaviour.

angry

SallyBear Wed 11-Sep-13 17:43:07

Love it. Polter you've put the supply on report!

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 17:48:56

Thanks again all.

He's come home much more relaxed today .... with his blazer! shock Apparently it was found in the science labs, which is a bit odd, after he hung it on his peg in the changing rooms before PE and it wasn't even the labs he'd been in that day.

His LSA has written his homework in a much clearer way, specifying what type of paper to use and what he needs to write at the top of the page and he's been told never to do longer than 20 minutes on any homework, which means the one he's been wrestling with since last weekend and has done over two hours on already is finished.

He's also had a nice day because, it was GF pizza followed by his favourite ever cake (Lemon Drizzle) for lunch, he managed to find Computer Club (missed the first one because he didn't know where the room was and wouldn't ask anyone for help) and Wednesday afternoons are 'enrichment' which is basically when they pick an activity to do for a term.

His choices are Broadcasting Club, which apparently involves producing videos, uploading them to YouTube and seeing how many hits they get - School Newspaper which speaks for itself - and - and this is the wildcard .... Sugarcraft! shock Apparently he was inspired by me and wants to learn how to make Minecraft figures in sugar/icing! grin During the spring/summer terms one of the options is dog training and agility, which is another one he wants to do. They also have a foodie/gourmet club, various sports activities, knitting, community services, chess and Science Club and more, which ds can't remember.

I feel happier that the SENCO definitely seems to have been as good as her word and sorted out all the specific problems we raised. I will reserve judgement on how long it takes them to realise that ds doesn't take in what you say to him and even if he repeats it back and says he's understood - he hasn't - as that will be the biggest thing they need to get their heads around.

Arthur - yep Minecraft club and you are allowed to play Minecraft in Computer Club and ds is already best buds with the Y9 lad that runs both clubs, as he sits next to him on transport and they went to the same primary school. Ds can't believe his luck.

Polter - we had endless problems with a certain supply teacher at my dcs' primary school. She was absolutely vile, shouted constantly, told ds1 he was immature and needed to 'grow up', refused to let him type his work or leave the room when he was overloaded and on another occasion made him cry then humiliated him in front of the whole class for crying. We complained in writing and had a meeting with both the SENCO and HT about her and it turned out she had a copy of both is mini and full passport but just blatantly didn't like him. It wasn't until the second meeting when I threatened to report them to the LEA that they promised she would never teach ds1's year again. They still use her for other years though and say they have no choice as she is supplied from the LEA pool. hmm angry

PolterGoose Wed 11-Sep-13 17:49:15

Thanks Sally I can get a bit carried away with my 'complaints' but this teacher just sounds awful. Ds actually copes with her fine, but it's the principle of it, and last time she was vile to ds's best friend about lack of concentration, when he'd just been dx with occipital epilepsy and was having very frequent absence seizures, ds is usually oblivious to other children's emotions but it was bad enough for him to notice and be disgusted so it must have been really really bad.

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 17:49:59

Sally it wouldn't make any difference if we recorded ds2's teacher. Everyone knows about her, you can hear her screaming on the other side of the school. I'm pretty sure they want rid of her, they just can't get her to go.

PolterGoose Wed 11-Sep-13 17:51:15

moose so pleased to hear good news, school sounds lovely grin

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 17:55:32

Should have said Polter. That is an excellent email, I wish I could be that calm and measured in my responses. I'm all over the place emotionally at the moment and having real cognitive trouble, particularly affecting my speech, so I'm having to rely on dh to make all the phonecalls, then I get frustrated because he doesn't say the right things or forgets to tell them something.

I am fully aware I'm being a nightmare, but feel unable to regain my composure.

The only positive thing to come out of it all is that dh is now seriously considering us going back over to Ireland for a few days at half-term to destress. We were originally thinking about it as we felt ds1 would need to completely come down in the holidays and he has just under two weeks, so would still have time at home to for pj days and seeing his bf. Then dh suddenly turned around and said we couldn't afford it, but I think he's finally starting to get the message that I need a break.

PolterGoose Wed 11-Sep-13 18:01:03

Thanks moose hope you get the break you need

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 18:03:41

Thanks Polter. That's the daft thing, it is a lovely school and the staff are really lovely. I think they just hadn't realised how badly ds is affected, as he comes across so calm and NT on the surface, when in reality he isn't taking anything in and is a huge ball of anxiety and stress. They had his statement at the point of application, came to his annual review and we've met with them and discussed it all at length, but somehow it seemed to get lost in the actual induction and transition.

Hopefully things will get sorted now they've had a bit of a nudge and reminder, but after everything we've been through over the past few years I think I've lost my ability to trust in anything education related, not to mention become a bit of a pessimist and am finding it hard to trust that it will all settle down and work itself out.

I am feeling a strange combination of relieved, but guarded at the same time. confused

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Wed 11-Sep-13 18:08:11

Excellent email Polter - no reasonable person could disagree. smile

Moose - sounds like things will be OK. Follow DS's lead - he knows where he wants to be. Anything else can be dealt with practically with a shared understanding of what is the case.

ArthurPewty Wed 11-Sep-13 18:25:43

i feel a swoon coming on wrt this school, Moose. wow. DD1 has already said how awesome that would be, a minecraft club...

SummerRain Wed 11-Sep-13 21:32:16

Moose, where in Ireland? If you're over my way you're more than welcome for a cuppa smile

Polter, fab email. I hope they take it seriously, she sounds horrible. I'm still scarred by the horrible substitute teacher I had when I was 10, it's amazing how much damage they can do in such a short time hmm

Lots of sick babies here, dd and ds2 are still suffering with their chests and ds1 is covered inmystery spots confused

moosemama Wed 11-Sep-13 21:37:12

Our holiday house is in Wexford Summer.

Sorry you have poorly dcs. Dd is still spiking a temperature on and off, hasn't got her voice back and is extremely hyper-sensitive, bursting into tears over the slightest thing. She insists her throat doesn't hurt though. confused

PolterGoose Wed 11-Sep-13 21:50:41

Thanks Summer hope your and moose's dc's get well soon.

SummerRain Wed 11-Sep-13 22:20:52

Lovely part of the country.... far side of it to me though smile That offer still stands if you ever make it to the west though

Thanks polter, they're all asleep for now thankfully

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 08:38:14

Thanks Summer. smile

We keep meaning to get over to the West again. Haven't been since ds1 was 1, so that was 10 years ago now. Main problem has been, having a vintage VW camper, the journey takes so long, we don't have time to enjoy the West Coast before we have to start the trip home.

VW is up for sale now though and we will be buying a newer version next year, so you never know.

Dd is still not good this morning, she was so hot when I went into her at 6.00 and she's more snotty than she has been. Now ds2 seems to have come down with it too, so after a day off due to teacher induced stress, he's now off with the cold virus. hmm

hazeyjane Thu 12-Sep-13 09:33:01

Sorry to hear of other poorly goslings.

Dd2 is back to school today as antibiotics seem to have kicked in and she got a good nights sleep. Ds on the other hand has a foul mask of snot, red eyes and was up half the night. Another day of strong coffee and cuddling. I have just rung preschool to say we won't be in and they pointedly reminded me that i was supposed to be parent helper this morning - this is always hell, because ds screams blue murder everytime I leave the room, so me trying to make teas and do washing up is bloody ridiculous.

I am jealous of all this talk of camper vans and Ireland. We are hoping to go sometime with friends to Clare, but I am not sure how ds would cope with the travelling.

ArthurPewty Thu 12-Sep-13 10:00:55

oh Moose - tell me more about the VW van!!! PM me if you want.

SallyBear Thu 12-Sep-13 10:11:51

Having to deal with a potential bullying incident at school. DD as you know has a craniofacial condition and has just had major surgery to help her. Back to school last Thursday, when I discover that the school in their wisdom have decided to reassign her TA to help other kids (ASD / ADHD), as they felt that assisting a deaf child wasn't giving her a broad spectrum of issues to help. My DD was chased by another kid through school yesterday. Ordinarily I would have dismissed it, but she had major surgery 29 days ago and is feeling vulnerable. She felt an asthma episode coming on (she's not supposed to be doing energetic exercise while recovering), and ran to the Art dept as she didn't know where else to go. They sent her off with a flea in her ear, so she threw a sickie and came home.

I am so mad on so many levels about this and will be talking to them tomorrow.

1. Her self esteem has been massively affected, comments have been made by kids and staff about her face
2. The person that she trusted has been taken away, and she now has three TAs (one of which doesn't know her name!).
3. The school were asked to shadow her and to provide her with a place to go, this seems to have stopped
4. The school never spoke to us about the TA situation until yesterday. They have left her nobody to talk to about her fears and anxieties.

What gives people the right to judge people's differences?

Beyond cross. angryangryangryangryangryangry

hazeyjane Thu 12-Sep-13 10:18:52

Sallybear, I have been thinking about this since last night, you must be furious. I can't believe the school have let dd down on so many levels. I hope she is ok - has she gone in today?

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 10:46:14

Hazey, good to hear dd is feeling better, but sorry ds is poorly. Stuff pre-school, maybe him not being there will give them time to sort out all the provision and equipment they should have had in place from day 1. wink

Arthur - the van needs some very expensive jobs done on it and we just can't afford to keep ploughing ££££s into it every year. It's taken years, literally, to get ds1 to the point he would even consider us parting with it, but he understands why we have to do it now and whilst he's not happy, he's finally accepted it.

It looks the part, not a rusty heap or anything, but really it will be being sold to someone who has lots of time and ££££s to restore it. We're then planning to get an older Type 4 VW, which will need far less annual maintenance and the parts will be easier - and cheaper to get hold of. It won't be the same as having a cute bay-window/Type 2, but it will mean we can still have the same lifestyle without the financial stress.

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 10:47:42

Oh Sally - poor dd.

I would be positively volcanic in the same situation. Sounds like fundamental failure in their duty of care on just about every level.

Has she gone in today?

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 10:48:28

blush Cross-posted with Hazey, due to short interlude retrieving dh's croc from a certain puppy who had taken it for a run around the garden. hmm

SummerRain Thu 12-Sep-13 10:59:05

Your poor dd Sally, as if she hasn't got enough to deal with without the school failing her so completely angry

Manic morning here again, had an early appointment with ds1s teacher to discuss strategies, I was at a bit of a loss what to suggest as he's the poster child for holding it together all day and then losing it at home so things I do at home are somewhat irrelevant to his behaviour in school. She is going to try him with a keyboard for writing and see how he goes and apparently the SNA does OT work with two other kids on Fridays so he's going to join in with that too.

I got a phone call from his CAMHS case worker while I was at SALT with ds2 to let me know the people who allocate the resource hours were there looking for information on him so fingers crossed he'll get his hours soon.

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 12:10:41

Sally sad and angry Poor dd, just awful. Best of uck with sorting this ASAP flowers

zzzzz Thu 12-Sep-13 14:12:15

Ok concerted honking for the fourth and last stentorama. Should be finished in 3 hours. Honk FFS I am running out of energy.

autumnsmum Thu 12-Sep-13 14:22:42

Sally that's truly terrible good news from me dd2 has been chatting to her bus escorts

ouryve Thu 12-Sep-13 14:25:22

How the hell is your DD supposed to feel safe when teachers are making uninvited comments about her appearance, Sally? I'm livid on your DD's behalf sad

ouryve Thu 12-Sep-13 14:26:25

Good luck xxxxx

sorry, zzzzz!

Had to leave that typo grin

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 15:52:22

Good luck zzzzz and hope this is it flowers

Galena Thu 12-Sep-13 16:09:36

Honking here for an end to stentification!

I can't believe how crap the school have been Sally! Here's hoping you can get it sorted quickly.

I've got a horrible feeling I'm going to have to get narky with the school and we're only a week in. I had been told that her ta can't get in until 9.15, so another ta has been assigned to dd for the first 15-20 mins which is fine. This morning her teacher came out to the line, but no ta. The teacher took the hand of a child who was crying and led the line in, leaving dd to follow and climb 2 steps and a step over the threshold into the classroom. Now, she was fine today, but part 3 of her statement says: 'DD will be supervised when negotiating stairs, steps or slopes to ensure her safety. This is especially important when there are other pupils around her.' Unclear? I think not.

ouryve Thu 12-Sep-13 16:23:46

Surely they're on dodgy ground ignoring something spelt out that clearly, Galena.

Any possibility of insisting that you walk your DD to her classroom if there's no one there to oversee her safety? I'm sure they'd soon find a way to get you off their backs!

SallyBear Thu 12-Sep-13 16:51:10

Thanks everyone for the "grrrrrs", angry and the honks! DD went in today. She went up to the girl in question and said "about yesterday at break time". The girl apologised saying that she hasn't meant to upset her and it wouldn't happen again.

School are still going to get a bollocking tomorrow and they know it. They've pulled in several members of staff for the meeting. Us against them. I want to know that they will reinstate her TA until half term and during that time have her TA SLOWLY drop out allowing her time to get used to the new TAs. She doesn't have a designated one, that's not how the school operates unfortunately.

Galena Thu 12-Sep-13 18:05:39

Well done DD, sally! That took self-confidence and I admire her for that.

I know I need to talk to the school, but I really don't want to get off on the wrong foot with them. They will find out I won't be messed with though!

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 18:40:18

Galena it took me too long to realise that unless I asserted myself to get ds's needs met that school would do nothing. Good luck flowers

And I've had a reply from the HT following my email to her yesterday afternoon, she replied yesterday evening but I didn't check until I got home from work today:
Dear Polter,

Thank you for your message. Mr. ClassTeacher is on a course with me today and Thursday and Friday which we have to attend as a requirement for Health and Safety in the workplace. Mrs. NastySupplyTeacher has in the past been a regular supply teacher for Year 6. We did say that Mrs. NastySupplyTeacher would not be working in Year 5 again. However, unfortunately this looks like this information was not transferred along with Ds moving to Year 6, so I can only apologise.

Following your e mail, we have taken steps to find a different teacher for the next two days. I would like to thank you for drawing this matter to my attention straight away.

grin Result! Ds's class has the supply teacher they had regularly in Y5, it is just such a change to be listened to and taken seriously.

SallyBear Thu 12-Sep-13 18:54:11

Well Polter, lets hope your diplomacy rubs off on me tomorrow when I kick teacher arse!!

hazeyjane Thu 12-Sep-13 19:04:32

Belated good lucks to you zzzzz. honks.

What a girl, Sallybear, that must have taken some guts. Glad you have an arse kicking session meeting sorted.

Polter, what a result!

I am reeling from having a friend of dd1's over - all 3 girls were manic, friend threw a 'flour boy' at me and it hit me in the face knocking my glasses off! I need wine.

Galena Thu 12-Sep-13 19:07:15

Way to go, Polter!

hazey, I don't know what a flour boy is, but manic children is never good!

hazeyjane Thu 12-Sep-13 19:13:23

I know, I realised as I wrote that, that no-one would know!

They are unblown up balloons filled with varying amounts of flour, ds's portage lady made some for ds, to encourage him to feel different textures, we called them flour boys because she made them with googly eyes on and hats!

Unfortunately for me it was the really hard flour boy that she threw!

(Oh and ds won't go near them, they are just useful missiles for the dds)

Galena Thu 12-Sep-13 19:15:23

Ahhhh, yes, we made a caterpillar from knotted tights with a different texture in each section and one of the sections was a balloon filled with flour. I understand. And ouch!

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 19:19:12

Yes, ouch, hazey and a medal and a vat of wine I think smile

I have to say I am really impressed with the new HT, she was the LA's super-HT bought in after the school went into special measures and then got the permanent post. Ds doesn't like her because she plays music in assembles, they have to pray in assemblies and she does a lot of public praising - which ds says has stopped him working hard as he doesn't want to be praised hmm

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 19:36:40

Sally, I will happily lend you my pointy stick and steel capped butt-kicking boots for tomorrow's meeting.

Your dd is incredible, going back in and confronting the girl from yesterday took real guts. She is such a brave girl in so many ways. flowers (for dd)

Sorry for yet another mahoosive ranty post, but we have had a nightmare this evening. Not only did ds1's taxi not turn up to pick him up from school, but neither did his LSA turn up to escort him and the other passengers to the taxi rank. As a result he and 2 other kids, who all have AS, ended up sat at the side of the road (a busy main A road into the city) for just under half an hour on their own, before the eldest boy decided they should go and ask reception to call the taxi firm. Then they all troopsed back up the road to the school, where ds text me:

Ds "The taxi is taking ages"
Me "Er, do you mean you're stuck in traffic or that the taxi didn't turn up"
Ds "Taxi didn't turn up, but it's ok X (the older lad) is sorting it"
Me <<Calls ds>>
Me "Where are you? Are you inside the school, with an adult?"
Ds "It's ok, X's on it - I should be home by 6.30 ish"
Me "But are you in school, with an adult?"
Ds <<hangs up>>

Cue me ringing dh in a panic, really stupid, as I should have tried the school, but really was panicking at this point. Dh called the school (which officially closes just before ds texted me) - no reply. So he calls the taxi firm who says, it's ok the taxi was just stuck in traffic and had now picked the dcs up. I tell dh they are clearly lying, as I've just spoken to ds and he's not in the taxi.

Dh then calls ds and he has just got into the taxi. So at least we know he's on his way.

Then dh called the LEA and let rip. He actually ended up apologising to the woman he spoke to he was so angry, but she was lovely, said he was more than justified and to carry on. She took it all very seriously and has asked us to put it all in writing to them and send it by email tonight. The company have breached their code of conduct, which is a condition of their contract multiple times over, but they have to go through 'procedures' to sort it out. There are two steps to give the firm chance to sort it out, if not they can cancel the firm and go to another provider.

When the taxi arrived (different taxi and driver ^yet again^) ds ran straight in to the toilet (always has a bad stomach when stressed) and I went out to see them before they managed to drive off. I challenged the escort about what had happened and she tried to tell me it was 'a mix up at the office' at which point I saw red and lost it. I asked how the hell there could be an office mix up on a year long contract that requires them to be in the same place at the same time with the same driver and escort every single day of the week. She said she couldn't help as the taxi just hadn't turned up for her either and no-one ever tells her anything. I asked her if the multitude of drivers they have had in just one week of transporting ds were all enhanced CRB checked - she didn't know - I suspect not, as they seem to be grubbing around for whatever driver is available at the time. She said something about not being the normal driver (her daily excuse for not being able to tell us when he will be picked up and dropped off) and I got even more angry and pointed out that there is no 'normal driver' as we've only had the same driver twice in a week of school runs. I told her in no uncertain terms that these are vulnerable children, that ds is not to be unsupervised near traffic and/or be left unaccompanied by an adult at all - ever - and that's precisely why these kids needs school transport in the first place - she said "Oh." hmm angry I asked why she and the 'normal driver' had been on a different, regular long-distance run last Friday when they are contracted to do these kids school run and she shrugged - so I asked if we will have the normal driver and her tomorrow for both runs and what time will he be picked up and dropped off, answer "I don't know." angry angry angry

This comes after a week of not knowing what time they are coming to pick him up in the morning, so we get him ready for the time they came last week (7.15) and they turn up at 7.00, we get him ready for 7.00, they turn up at 7.30 and every time I ask they don't know what time they're coming. They only have 4 pickups ffs and two are within streets of each other.

Then I discover they've been arriving at school at 7.50, when the school doesn't even open it's doors until 8.00 and they don't need to be in until 8.35! angry So they've been sitting in the taxi waiting for the school to open, then waiting in school for over half an hour before the bell goes, while we've been having to drag him (and me) out of bed ridiculously early to meet their schedule.

Ds said he was worried and scared when the taxi didn't turn up and has been either totally spaced or hyper manic since he came home. Fortunately his new mobile phone arrived today, so that has been a welcome distraction.

Honestly, I give up. I should have bloody home-schooled. I half wish he didn't like the place so much so I had a reason to pull him out. I always thought home-schooling would be too stressful, but it can't be worse than this.

I need wine chocolate and more wine but I have a migraine coming on so can't have either. sad

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 19:41:05

<<breathes>> right ...

Belated good luck wishes, honks and flowers to zzzzz.

Hazey - ouch. Did it explode? Ds1 exploded one of those squidgy face stress ball head things on Christmas day once. That was filled with flour and I've never seen such a mess in my life. It literally covered the whole living room - including the tree and all the recently opened presents. hmm

Polter - you are awesome - care to hire your writing skills out to someone in need of formally complaining about the worst school transport company in the world?

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 19:53:09

Bloody hell moose words fail me angry angry angry (and I'm always happy to proofread/help write letters)

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 19:57:32

Thanks Polter. Dh is on it this evening and already has the first draft, which he prepared last weekend, but hasn't got around to sending (don't get me started on that angry).

It's quite unbelievable isn't it? It's as if they are deliberately trying to make every single cock-up in the book and do everything they can to make the whole thing as hard as possible on both the dcs and their parents. angry

ArthurPewty Thu 12-Sep-13 20:01:43

shit, Moose, what a horrible story!! sad

zzzzz Thu 12-Sep-13 20:18:14

hazey some children are challenging in quite a different way to ours. Breath and don't let the little terrors get you down.

moose I think I'd be tempted to call the police. Leaveing them on the roadside is a terrifying level of negligence. shock

polt that was a great email. grin

It's out! I am free! I am ridiculously tired but it's all healing from here on in. grin. Thank you for your honks.

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 20:21:54

Woohoo zzzzz. Fantastic news. grin

Hope you have a speedy recovery. flowers

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 20:31:43

Onwards and upwards zzzzz so glad you're free if it all grin

SallyBear Thu 12-Sep-13 20:45:23

Moose. I have no words for you. Just speechless that a taxi company can treat vulnerable children in that way. I would take umbrage with the school too. There needs to be an adult supervising that these kids have gotten into the school transport. This way then the school can chase it up rather than leaving it to a vulnerable child to sort out. angryangryangryangryangry
Doc Martens. Lace them up tight.

moosemama Thu 12-Sep-13 21:10:36

We will be straight onto the school at 8.00 am tomorrow - they aren't getting out of this either.

Typically, it's the first time the LSA hasn't been there to take them to the taxi stop - sod's law that the bloody taxi didn't actually turn up on the same day.

Ds1 said that he was scared and didn't know what to do, but X (older boy) said they should just go or the taxi might go without them. Ds1 already idolises X, as he's quite a bit older and runs the Minecraft club, so just did whatever he said - which kind of reinforces my point that he is too trusting and vulnerable. Fortunately X did have the good sense to take them all back inside when it became obvious the taxi really wasn't coming.

I have told him from now on if there's no LSA there, go straight to Reception and ask where they are. He's terrified of missing the taxi and said he thought he might have to stay at school all night if it went without him. sad I have now explained that as long as he goes to Reception, school will help him sort it out and worst case scenario is that dh or Grandma will come straight over there and pick him up, but we can only do that if he goes back into the school and tells a member of staff.

I've drilled it into him to always tell a member of staff if there's a problem in future and not rely on other pupils to sort things out and tell him what to do.

My blood runs cold when I think what could've happened. sad

NoHaudinMaWheest Thu 12-Sep-13 21:55:53

Moose That is sooo bad of the taxi firm obviously they should never have had the contract. But it is really bad of the school too. Ds had a special taxi just for him so that he could do an after school club one night a week. It sometimes didn't turn up or waited in the wrong place but even though it was after hours a member of staff always sorted it out for him and let me know what was happening. And Ds was older and this was a large ms comprehensive.
Hope you get sense from everyone tomorrow.

Sally so sad for your dd the school sounds really insensitive. Hope the meeting tomorrow sorts it.

zzzzz here's to no more stents.

polter that's a great result. Why can't all HTs be like that? Oh and flowers for a great email.

Ds had a bad day today but I think I'll post about it tomorrow - I can't face reliving it tonight. Have to chase up DD's physio with school tomorrow too.

Trigglesx Thu 12-Sep-13 22:00:53

moosemama oh god, I can't even imagine how upset you must be. DS1 would have been gone if that happened - he would have simply run off. This is why I'm terrified to allow transport for him anyway - we live just at the cut off, and I think if we pushed it they would allow it, but I just can't stomach the thought of it. Scary!! Thank goodness one of them was old enough and able to think to get them all back inside.

hazeyjane DS1 managed to break one of those stress balls - the white powdery stuff (flour-like) went EVERYWHERE! I was cleaning it out for ages!! Just when I thought I'd gotten it all, I'd find a bit more somewhere.

DS1 has discovered a real interest in history. They were talking about the battle of Hastings in school today and he has literally memorised a bunch of facts. He was rattling them off to me in the car. He was fascinated that history is FACTS, thank you very much, and he LIKES FACTS. grin

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 22:12:49

Triggles grin my ds's most frequently used sentence opener is "Can I tell you an interesting fact?"

and... NoHaudin he is using your ds's "In other news..." To great effect grin

Trigglesx Thu 12-Sep-13 22:18:53

Polter I like that. I pointed out to DS1 that he has some "horrible histories" book and he just raised an eyebrow at me and said "they're not history, they're POEMS." hmm I don't think he approves. grin I'll have to find him some proper reading material.

SummerRain Thu 12-Sep-13 22:41:29

Zzzzz grin woohooo! It's finally over, bring on the healing!

Moose, omg. What a spectacular cock up shock I hope all parties get a rocket under their arses and sort this out once and for all.

I made a flour balloon for ds1 a while back but he was completely uninterested. Ds2 took possession of it and obsessed about the damn thing for a month until he lost it... I spent a month hovering waiting for it to burst all over the shop, can't tell you how relieved I was when it vanished!

PolterGoose Thu 12-Sep-13 22:43:46

We had a stress ball explosion too, I'd forgotten about it confused

Watch out with the balloon/flour ones, the latex degrades quite quickly...

Trigglesx Thu 12-Sep-13 22:48:19

zzzzz hope you're feeling better soon! Glad that things are looking up now.

Gosh, what a lot I've missed.

moose your poor DS! I can remember having kittens when my NT DS1 was accidentally left behind by the school coach at their swimming lesson, but he was already 11 and not particularly vulnerable. I shouted at the headmaster! blush

zzzzz great news at last. God luck with the healing process. X

I'm so tired! Job is fine, but very busy and I'm on my feet all day. No time to do any gentle housework or shopping without having the boys. (Job is 9-4 each school day.) I'm finding I've very little time to MN. sad I'll try to pop in on this thread each week, at least. X

SallyBear Fri 13-Sep-13 08:29:48

So it turns out that DD lied about speaking to the girl in question. Sigh.... Also lied about teachers making personal remarks; it was other students and a LSA. We are still having a meeting today, because she is obviously very conflicted about school and also feels extremely vulnerable. Kids.......hmm

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 09:53:47

Hope the meeting goes well Sally and you get the result you and dd need flowers

Galena Fri 13-Sep-13 10:09:10

Oh bless her, I bet she meant to and desperately wanted to but just couldn't. Good on her for thinking about it though. Hope the meeting goes well, sally.

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 10:18:40

Oh dear Sally, the poor thing probably just wanted to pretend it was all over. I hope the meeting goes well.

Had ds2 at the docs this am. Usual GPS both off so a locum who claims his chest is clear (now I could hear wheezing just by putting my ear to his chest and he's complaining of chest pain so I'm not convinced) but he has tonsillitis apparently hmm Now I've had tonsillitis many times and he doesn't show any signs of it at all, hasn't complained about his throat, no hoarse voice, he's not coughing up phlegm, he hasn't got a fever. I'm not convinced but he's on abs so hopefully they'll tackle whatever bug is affecting his chest. I'm going to bring him back once the regular docs are back if his chest is still bothering him though.

hazeyjane Fri 13-Sep-13 10:26:16

Oh, poor dd, Sallybear. Hope you get some results from the meeting - thinking of you and sending kick arse honks your way. (This is literally where you kick someone in the arse, causing them to honk - it is something I would like to do to many professionals)

Moose, i am stunned buy what is happening to your boy. You must be exhausted and furious,i hope you can sort something out for him.

Zzzzz - wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee - honks for a speedy recovery.

Flour boy didn't explode, but has left a bruise (I am one of those delicate flowers that bruise if someone breathes heavily near me though).

Have vowed not to have any of dd's friend's back for several months though.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 10:44:32

Poor dd. I can totally understand why she lied about talking to the other girl and to some extent an LSA is like a teacher to kids. I know ds classes every adult in the school as teachers, excluding perhaps the dinner ladies. He certainly sees the LSAs as Teachers.

Semantics really though, they are adults who are there to support your dd and should bloody well know better. Frankly if they are that rude and insensitive they are in the wrong job.

Good luck with the meeting. I'll be keeping everything crossed you can make them understand how much they have let her down and what they should be doing to support her.

Our letter went to the LA by email last night, then we had to send an update this morning, because - as predicted his 'usual' hmm driver and escort are on the regular 'long-run' this afternoon (same as last Friday) so he will have a different driver and escort yet again. They failed to tell me this when I directly asked them last night, so dh confronted the escort this morning and she confessed that yes, they are on another job every Friday afternoon. angry

Dh emailed the LA officer again this morning, told her the above and pointed out that not only is ds, not traffic safe and highly vulnerable/trusting of strangers (as per his statement) due to them constantly chopping and changing drivers, if someone had driven up to him at the taxi stop last night and told him they'd been sent to pick him up he would have gone with them without a second thought. Both the school and the taxi firm put him at very real risk last night and it's totally unacceptable. angry

The thing is, without his LSA to actually hand him over to the escort, he could actually just get in any car that was waiting at his pick-up point. In fact, even with the LSA there that still has the potential to happen, as it's a different vehicle, driver and even escort nearly every pick-up, so unless she checks their credentials and paperwork every afternoon, how the hell does she know they're legit?

We were very lucky the older boy was with him, but even he waited almost half an hour on a busy A road before decided to go and tell a member of staff and what would have happened if he'd been off sick or something. I shudder to think. It actually makes me feel sick with worry when I think about him out there, completely unsupervised and vulnerable. I don't want to keep handing him over to these people every day - they are neither reliable nor trustworthy, but I have no choice, because I can't get him there. [Why don't we have a ridiculously stressed and terrified emoticon?]

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 10:52:23

Summer, could you take him to a walk-in centre for a second opinion?

Hazey, I am beyond exhausted, physically, mentally and emotionally and the anger keeps rising up in me and taking hold all over again every time I think about it all. I'm so jittery, I just can't settle. It's a horrible feeling and I feel so weak and impotent, as there's very little I can do to effect the necessary change, which makes it 100 times worse.

As usual the LA procedures for getting rid of the taxi firm are over-bureaucratic, long-winded and ridiculously, lengthy. So nothing is going to happen any time soon. Apparently they have to give the firm chance to sort things out and redeem themselves in the first instance, but we have proven this company is happy to bare faced lie and put vulnerable children at risk and that they've broken almost all the LA's Code of Conduct rules that their contract relies on - even right down to the blooming dress code! There's no way they are going to do anything about the situation. What they are going to do is come up with even bigger lies to try and cover their tracks. angry

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 10:58:05

Blimey Moose things are going from bad to worse, you have had a tough week.

Good luck Sally

I feel a bit deflated after indie SALT 'assessment' this week. Ds started at his new indie school and I was so pleased they were on the ball and ds had an indie SALT appointment. I was given her email and told to contact her for feedback. I thought brilliant, communication and more than happy to give feedback.

Her feedback was she carried out an informal assessment of ds (so they had a chat) and she cant see any difficulties and he has an advanced vocabulary, was the jest of it.

hmm she obviously hasn't read any of his reports or bothered to find out any of his difficulties and his vocab a few months ago was 'at the lower end of the scale' when formally assessed.

He has been out of school for a year with school related anxiety, due to confusion around the school environment and social interaction and self harms as a result (all written in reports)

So he has no difficulties because he can answer questions about what colour hair he has, talk about his interests etc and name his 6 brothers (he only has 2 brothers!)

Not the end of the world and hopefully nothing that cant be put right, just disappointed, as I had high expectations. Having more of a eye roll moment!

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 11:16:14

Claw, I'm thinking we are going to get the same response to ds's Indie School SALT assessment.

We got a letter home to ask if we gave permission for her to see him and a form to fill in detailing our concerns. I explained how Community SALT had discharged him without assessment because he has an advanced vocabulary and no functional speech problems, but that the OT at the ASD assessment unit felt he needed SALT input, as his vocab belies his lack of comprehension and he is too literal with phonic rules, so often mispronounces simple words - which has led to teasing and bullying in the past.

Haven't heard anything back yet, but I'm expecting the same as you, quick chat and 'oh he's fine'.

Sadly I think the only way to get any SALT help for ASD related comprehension and social language skills is to pay for it yourself and go private. hmm

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 11:43:23

Oh dear Moose, I despair I really do, all recommendations from EP and CAMHS etc and his statement is that 'his learning plan should be informed by SALT' and that ds 'requires continued access to SALT and involvement with IEP targets and planning meetings' and 'one to one support on structured programmes devised by SALT'

His statement is crap, I finalised to get him back to school and get indie school named. I was hoping they would be helpful in identifying/supporting his SAL difficulties. Even if his statement was quantified and specific, whats the point if SALT is going to continue with 'oh he is fine', im betting he would make amazing progress is a very short period of time, if she cannot even identify/understand the difficulties in the first place!

Ds cannot express himself, which is why he self harms and then cannot attend school, regardless of whether he his vocab is advanced or not (he uses some good words in context, doesn't know what they actually mean though!). I was hoping this would be seen as a big difficult and barrier to his education. Not some 'oh he is fine'!

SummerRain Fri 13-Sep-13 14:13:10

Moose, our ooh doctor system isn't convenient or particularly useful and I can't use a different gp as our medical card is registered to this practice. He's still complaining of his chest being sore and says his throat isn't so I really don't believe it's tonsillitis.

Claw, he sounds like my ds1. Amazing vocab and language skills but when it comes to expressing his emotions, using imagination or having a reciprocal conversation he struggles. The CAMHS SALT recommended he didn't need CAMHS at all and should be discharged based on his salt assessment hmm Luckily his psyche disagreed!

bigbluebus Fri 13-Sep-13 14:29:30

Oh moose so sorry you are still having issues with school transport. What happened yesterday is inexcusable both on the part of the school and the taxi firm. I hope the LA manage to sort it out quickly.
I am so glad DD is on a LA bus - at least then the staff are definitely all CRB checked and have had training.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 15:53:01

Claw, I know exactly what you mean. The single biggest problem, other than the fairly predictable teething troubles, we've had with the new school is their failure to recognise how little ds understands and that, just because he uses big words and sounds like he knows what he's talking about doesn't mean he has a) understood a word you've said or b) actually understand the implications of what he's said and that's without getting into the fact that he can parrot back to you what you just said word-for-word and still not know what you've said or what it means. I really hoped this school would see past his overall impression and having read his statement (which isn't at all bad) and accompanying reports, actually taken his barriers and limitations into consideration.

In ds's case the fact that we've spent the past 4 years working really hard, along with EP and Inclusion to teach him how to express his emotions better also seems to have confused them. Not that he has actually managed to express an emotion, opinion or idea there yet, as he doesn't feel safe enough. (He saves it all for me! wink) In my experience it will be a good year or so before he starts to trust them enough to open up - and then only if they support him properly and give him a reason to trust them.

It's still a great school, million times better than sending him to a local ms academy and most importantly - he likes it. They are lovely to all the pupils and give each child time and space and the chance to move forwards at their own pace, rather than steamrollering them, but it seems I had unrealistic hopes/expectations based on their constant reassurances at transition meetings that everything we was saying about ds's anxiety/emotional awareness and social skills was commonplace at the school and something they are experienced in handling. sad

Trying really hard not to judge to harshly and give them a chance before I give up hope though and things have had improved as the result of one phonecall to the SENCO (I put had, because things had improved until they let him off school premises unsupervised last night. angry)

PolterGoose Fri 13-Sep-13 16:02:49
moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 16:09:19

Summer - sorry momentary lapse, damn my holey brain. I know your not in the UK so why did I suggest a walk in centre? <<slaps own face>>

BigBlue, thank you. Dh has spoken with the SENCO and the LA transport woman this morning.

SENCO said it absolutely should not ever have been allowed to happen and it's basically a 'hands-up' we take the blame situation. She has promised it will never happen again and systems will be in place by pick-up this afternoon to ensure that is the case. Part of the problem has apparently been because the taxi escort is supposed to collect her cohort from the school and escort them to the taxi, but has so far failed to shift her butt further than opening the door. There are a group of LSAs that accompany the pupils to their buses/taxis, but when they couldn't see the LSA yesterday the older boy told the group they had to go to the pick-up point without her. Then they disappeared into the melee of nt pupils headed home to the normal bus stop, which is next to their taxi point, so no-one realised they shouldn't have been there.

LA transport lady has emailed all the complaints to the taxi firm (to create a written record) and is following it up with a phonecall. They will then be given a short time to fix everything and if they don't official action will be taken to sever the contract BUT she said not to expect a response from them before next TUESDAY and still hadn't sent the email at lunchtime today! angry

I am not happy about this at all. Imo what has happened in just one week amounts to a total neglect of their duty of care towards ds and the other children on his route. Both the SENCO and LA lady said there have been fundamental safeguarding failures on more than one occasion and imo that is enough to instigate immediate action.

The taxi firm have been caught out lying between us, ds, the school and the LA (as in they've told us all completely different stories about the same cock-up) and if they are willing to be that blatant in their disregard for our dc's safety they shouldn't be allowed to look after (and I use that term very loosely) them. I honestly don't know how they expect us to continue putting our dcs in the so-called care of these people without definite reassurance that things will be done properly from now on. In fact I doubt there is much they can say to reassure me that this firm will ever be capable of doing the job properly. Blooming LAs and their bureaucratic nonsense. angry

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 16:57:17

Moose the fact they let him off school premises is terrible and to think I only asked the LA yesterday about school transport too. Your ds sounds similar to mine.

On the plus side, SALT has given me her email address and I can contact her directly and spell it out for her, in the nicest possible way of course! Previous schools and SALT did whatever to keep me in the dark to cover their backs, so 100% improvement, in as at least this SALT is being open and honest and feeding back her opinions.

Ds came out from school today saying he hates school because he hadn't understood the maths work and couldn't do it, despite raising his hand (whether he did or not, im not sure, probably not) no one came to help him or explain the work to him (he is supposed to have a named TA). So I am assuming he did none or little work in maths, but nothing is written in his contact book.

But still as you say 100% better than previous schools, at least I have a contact book, that will be replied to. So hopefully even if they are not initially seeing his difficulties, once pointed out, they will become more aware.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 17:04:14

Claw, saga continues on the new Goose and Carrot thread - unfortunately.

Glad you are able to contact the SALT directly. Hopefully she will be willing to listen and actually go back and read his reports properly. Good luck.

My ds is exactly the same - one bad lesson and he hates school. Ds wasn't asking for help (he shares an LSA - well two actually depending on the lesson - with 2 other boys) because they've been told not to speak in class. I told him to put his hand up and wait and he said there's no point because if you put your hand up they tell you to put it down. (I can almost guarantee he's seen this happen maybe once in the week he's been there and it became 'fact' in an instance.)

We were given a contact book last night as well. Prior to that I had no way of communicating with his LSAs other than a tiny little box in his homework diary. That was full after day 1!

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 17:27:24

Yep that sounds the same as ds, then this bad lesson will become 2, then a bad experience in PE (another SN boy throwing a basket ball in his face) according to ds 'on purpose, because he was angry', then something else and something. Ds will hang onto these bad experiences, regardless of any good experiences, hate school and not want to go. THIS is what he needs help with!

The pattern tends to be ds starts off well, then it goes downhill (not necessarily schools fault, but ds's perceptions of events)

I will try and pop over to the new thread later and have a read.

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 17:58:49

The only thing that worked to help ds1 with his 'the worst day every' 'hate school' attitude was introducing a feelings diary that he had to fill in morning, lunch and afternoon. It took him about 18 months to two years to start actually being able to identify specific emotions, prior to that he just used an emotion scale. Then he gradually learned how to tell his inclusion worker why he felt the emotion he identified and by the end of the third/beginning of the fourth year in the process he had started to recognise that he felt different emotions throughout the day and perhaps it wasn't 'all bad' then eventually he started splitting the morning, lunch and afternoon records down, as he started to recognise he was feeling different emotions within those chunks of time - which was massive.

The whole process took years, but it really has helped with his emotional regulation and understanding and also to open up to specified members of school staff about his anxieties.

Unfortunately in y6 the arrogant staff felt it was unnecessary and as a result he clammed up completely and wouldn't tell them anything. He started putting 5 - Feeling OK for every single entry, because he said they never helped him sort out problems anyway and they didn't want to understand things from his point of view. Sadly, he wasn't wrong. sad

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 18:14:24

Thanks, I will write the feelings diary down for upcoming meeting, sounds like it might be worth a try.

They have tried an anxiety school with ds in previous school, as usually they balls it up, by not understanding the purpose of how to use it. If ds rated below 5, he was asked to explain why, the problem is he cant explain why, so he did the same and always rated above 5 just so he didn't have to explain! Which meant to school yay ds isn't anxious hmm no it doesn't! The purpose was for ds to be able to express his anxieties to you, he is doing it, so its not a success argh!!

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 18:29:09

Ds couldn't explain what the problem was, let alone how he felt about it and why when he first started out. It was a very gradual shift over the first 18 months/2 years, then he seemed to improve in leaps.

Your ds always rating above 5, sounds like exactly the same tactics ds started using last year. He learned there was no point in telling them anything other than he was ok, because never understood, let alone sorted the problem out (he had a nice, but particularly useless and insensitive TA last year and his teacher was on a mission to prove to me that he didn't have ASD hmm).

It should be different in a decent school, as hopefully they'll learn that they will be heard and steps taken to help them with their anxieties and/or problems, but the trust has to come first and I guess both our boys have a long way to go to build that in a whole new school with staff that are effectively a bunch of strangers.

... and of course it all starts with someone recognising that just because they know a lot of words, doesn't mean they can communicate effectively ...

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 18:35:04

Exactly Keep, I am really hoping it has only been just over a week, that they will get the hang of ds! Ds can chat for England about things he wants to talk about, when anxious he clams up, sits quietly and withdraws, which in the past has equalled 'aww such a quiet, well behaved boy' grr!

Thanks so much for the ideas and always nice chatting to someone who knows exactly what I mean smile. Im off for the weekend, hope you have a good one.

claw2 Fri 13-Sep-13 18:36:36

Keep, doh I mean Moose, keep is on another thread! defo time to log off, im going mad!

moosemama Fri 13-Sep-13 18:40:34

Likewise Claw, good to know neither of us - or our dses are alone with this.

Have a good weekend. smile

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