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The Sodding Goose and Carrot. 2nd May

(210 Posts)
Galena Fri 02-May-14 19:17:36

I'm opening the sodding doors tonight.

As long as you aren't a wankbadger, you are very welcome to pull up a chair and join me.

We still seem to be feeding the local pests - kitchen full of ants and the sodding snails have munched all my carrot seedlings which had just sprouted. angry

Apart from that it has been a good week... joined a gym and will get fitter!

hazeyjane Sat 03-May-14 13:17:53

Hahaha to grinding dh's nuts. God I need cake.

Ds is full of snot, (praying it is hayfever rather than a cold, but then I don't want him to have hayfever either - aaargh) and he has just done the most immense poo ever, I think he has been trying to do it for the last few days. Unfortunately he did it then pulled his nappy down thus smearing poo over the garden - in front of our v prim next door neighbours, the fact that it was outside doesn't seem to have dissipated the smell.

We are now hiding indoors watching scooby doo.

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 14:53:28

grin at poo garden! I could retail you with poo related horror moments, but all I can say is if your neighbour is so fortunate as to not have had these experiences then she should count herself bloody lucky and be pleasant to those in the trenches.

It isn't hat fever or a cold, in is an anomaly and ill be gone tomorrow. I'm magicing it so.

Honk honk

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 14:57:19

Oh and galena your sodding ants have turned up in MY kitchen now angry

ouryve Sat 03-May-14 15:03:28

Hazey. I'd have breathed a sign of relief that he didn't do it all over the carpet grin

zzzzz this is one of those sodding situations when you have to break it to your children that all that stuff about being kind to all bugs is utter guff. (Not that I've ever had that dilemma with DS1 - he'll gleefully kill anything that crawls or flies but doesn't have feathers. Don't tell poltergosling)

PolterGoose Sat 03-May-14 15:17:31

all that stuff about being kind to all bugs is utter guff

shock shock shock

Interestingly we've been chatting about this after an incident at school which started with 'some girl' standing in an earwig and then I nearly ran over a sodding pigeon, ds appears to have accepted that there are grounds where killing bugs (and pigeons) could be acceptable and that it doesn't mean the end of life on earth.

hazey grin at poo garden. I do hope it's a cold and not hayfever.

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 15:28:27

Sorry for weird zzzzz typos. blush they remind me of chatting to the children I hung out with as a child. We all talked just not the same language! I so wish I could find such a haven for ds.

Galena Sat 03-May-14 16:19:32

Well, strangely, my ants seem to have retreated for now...

Look how we've spent this afternoon (excuse my fat, purple behind!) grin

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 17:12:49

Oh very cool, you sporty show off.

I've got dodgey knees and my Trikidoo has a flat......envy

hazeyjane Sat 03-May-14 17:37:50

Can I just show you how lovely (and ever so slightly crazy) ds's 1-1 is - she just turned up on our doorstep with this smorgasbord of cheese, meat, pirate paraphernalia and flowers. I wish I could clone her.

hazeyjane Sat 03-May-14 17:38:24

Oops, forgot the photo.

hazeyjane Sat 03-May-14 17:43:34

Wrt poo incident - We are the anomalies in our street, because

1) our dcs all seem to have a louder volume control than everyone else's
2) our dcs look grubbier and smudging than everyone else's
3) ds poos in the garden
4) I leave our washing on the line for a week overnight
5) dh parks his tractor in our drive, everyone else parks their jags and bmws.

ouryve Sat 03-May-14 19:06:59

DS2 has sodding lost his sodding glasses.shock

I wouldn't mind but I'd only sodding put them back on him 5 sodding minutes earlier confused

He's also wearing his sodding school shoes - the ones that he refuses to put on when it's a sodding school day hmm

The boy seems determined to finish me off.

What a fab gift, Hazey smile

signandsingcarols Sat 03-May-14 20:38:04

hazey, how lovely! (ps we too have volume control issues blush in comparison with the neighbours grin, and we live in a rough (ish) neighbourhood blush

nahaudin how has the day with ds gone?

our lounge is now (predominately) 'oatmeal' and the (shockingly yellowy now I look at them blush) paintwork/radiator is now spanky white... only remains to remove all of dh's myriad dvds and cds from the numerous wall spanning shelves so I can paint the remaining wall sections... new (to us) curtains await hemming and then 'TA DA!!'

ouryve Sat 03-May-14 21:08:21

It's nice getting it done, isn't it?

DS2's cake is in the oven and I'm ignoring the beeper, since 35-45 minutes is now an hour and it wasn't cooked 5 minutes ago. If I overdo it, I'll just make extra buttercream to lubricate it.

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 22:08:21

grin hazey you lightweight, we are the wrong age, colour, religion, income bracket, our volume fills the entire valley and ds pees in the front garden regularly if I don't chase him inside. I think we add a little flamboyance to their lives. and I'm pretty sure they hate it

My entire house needs tired and too poor to care.

SummerRain Sat 03-May-14 22:16:58

Oh fuck... I've just become intensely aware that ds1s communion is in one week and I have done nothing whatsoever to prepare, I have two ou assignments due in and have done absolutely no work on them and there's an endless list of very important tasks that's been getting steadily longer and I've done nothing about any of them.

And despite mounting panic about all of the above I'm still sitting here doing absolutely nothing. I think I'm having some sort of meltdown... I just can't function with him in the house and the constant tension but he has nowhere to go so we have no choice.

Someone please tell me to snap out of it sad

zzzzz Sat 03-May-14 22:23:32

Snap out of it.

You are perfectly capable of functioning when he is in the house. You've been doing it for years.

What needs dong for the first communion?
What else needs doing?
Do you have wine / cake ?

SummerRain Sun 04-May-14 01:22:12

I have vodka but I'm not sure that's helping matters confused and my appetite is non existent so cake won't help.

He's just so gloomy and there and being pathetically nice... I'd almost prefer if he'd shout and yell at this point.

Communion stuff: need to buy Ds1 a shirt, need to book a restaurant for a meal that evening, need to get the last bits sorted for my outfit, need to buy dd shoes, need to get my hair cut, need to bring the boys to the barber (ds2 swears he'll actually allow the barber to touch him this time hmm), need to clean the house, need to bring his candle into school, need to contact his godfather and find out if he's coming, need to plan where we're going between the church after party and the restaurant that evening, need to do simethingvto my nails to stop anymore of them breaking.... Listing all this is not helping shock


PolterGoose Sun 04-May-14 08:12:25

Well done with decorating and cake making

Summer delegate. You don't need to do everything. While ex is trying hard to please you may as well make the most of it. Make him a list.

youarewinning Sun 04-May-14 10:22:42

Sorry for those,of you having difficult weeks.

We seem to be having an ok week behaviour wise. However the video monitor has been a godsend in one way and worrying in another.
It turns out DS obviously has 'fits/seizures' fairly often at night (2/3 times a week). I can tell when it's started as his arms fly up as if he's been electrocuted and then twitches for 1-10 minutes. It's mainly within an hour of going to sleep or yesterday an hour before waking up. It also coincides with the nights he does not get into a deep sleep.
So my plan of action is to get them to do EEG to see if brain activity or give sleep medication if it's not. Either way we both need some good nights sleep on a regular basis instead of 11 hours one night and 2 the next, with 5-8 hour nights interspersed inbetween!

youarewinning Sun 04-May-14 10:23:21

Oh and thanks to nits DS finally allowed me to cut his hair properly yesterday - with the clippers!

Galena Sun 04-May-14 10:31:51

Who sent the sodding ants back with reinforcements?!

At the cinema watching Tinker-sodding-Bell!

youarewinning Sun 04-May-14 11:07:57

I think I need to make my sentence....

We've had sodding hair ants so the sodding trauma of a sodding haircut!

zzzzz Sun 04-May-14 11:08:15

I feel your pain star I can just about cope with ds1 who alternates Turbo (racing car snails) and Free Birds(I think?? But if I have to explain about the "pardoned turkey" again I may implode)..... But dd1 and dd3 have a craze for Frozen. [sigh]

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