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Do you still arrange playdates, activities, days out etc?

(8 Posts)
rara67 Mon 07-Apr-14 12:38:07

DS1 is 10 and in Y6. He is dyslexic, possibly dyspraxic, SCD suggested by OT and SALT but no dx of latter. Waiting for paediatrician appt. Had a friend round today (at friend's request not DS'), took them to an activity, after 30 minutes DS had had enough. DS is happiest at home on the PC. He is not sporty and has no hobbies. He doesn't seem bothered by friendships and I don't know how much I need to facilitate playdates or indeed arrange them in the first place. DS2 is at an organised sports activity as I don't want him to be restricted by his brother's unwillingness to leave the house. DS1 would happily stay in doors for the whole of the Easter holidays but that makes rest of family prisoners. I do leave him alone when I need to get DS2 but only for about 30 mins. Any tips for the rest of the holidays?

Perchkin Tue 08-Apr-14 13:13:35

My DS is much younger than yours, but yes I plan and structure his days for him and I can see me doing it for a long time to come - beyond 10.
He needs organising and being given ideas and arranging play dates etc. I'd like to think that in the future I wont have to prep him for all these things by going over expected and undesirable bahviorus and giving him short scripts to use with his friends, going over social rules etc - but I think I just might be doing it for a long time.........

What about planning one outing every day, no matter how small or short. It will at least get him out of the house and away from the screen. Walks in the countryside, swimming, picnic, cinema, Eater egg hunts?

rara67 Tue 08-Apr-14 14:18:49

Thanks for your reply. Swimming was the activity yesterday so wont try that for a while! Have been invited to an Easter egg hunt but not sure if he will come and/or whether it will meet his expectations (like you say I need to prep him). Also got a few things planned next week when DH is off. DS1 is a bit of a man-child at the moment (his top lip getting hairier by the day), so some activities are tricky anyway with the 5 year age gap between him and DS2. Just coming to terms with the fact he is a bit different/quirky. Forcing him to do anything wont happen as his weight to height ratio is greater than mine. Just wanted bit of a vent, thanks for reading.

Kleinzeit Tue 08-Apr-14 15:30:19

My DS is 15 and in mainstream school and the only way I can get him to go out is to arrange it for him. So he doesn’t get to go out much, because most 15 year olds don’t work that way! He will go out by himself if I tell him to. But the only way I can get him to go to the cinema with someone his own age is to ring my friend who has a similar-age son and we parents find a film and arrange the time and send them out together. (My DS has AS, my friend’s DS is NT) Both boys are quite happy to go along with it so long as they don’t have to organise it. And DS needs me to structure his day or stuff gets forgotten and undone, even stuff he wants to do. sigh DS does not make arrangements to go out with his own (rather geeky) school friends, they just chat to each other online.

When DS was at primary school I booked him into the primary school holiday club where he had extra support. He liked that and was happy to go. And by now he is old enough to stay home alone. But it was very tricky between ages 12 and 14.

Does your DS find it easier if he knows what's happening each day? Having a plan for each day and even putting it on a timetable so your DS knows what he’s expected to do when might make it easier to persuade him to go out on little trips. We still do a “plan for the day” quite often, especially if any outings or activities are involved, though we usually just talk it through at breakfast time rather than sticking it on the notice board which we used to do.

streakybacon Tue 08-Apr-14 17:35:08

Perhaps it would help to make activities more desirable for him - maybe offer a bribe reward of another activity (or some other motivator) for him to cooperate with planned suggestions. Start small then build up to more meaningful activities later.

I also have a 15 year old and like Kleinzeit it's becoming harder to plan on his behalf - we too talk through the day's tasks/activities over breakfast but ds isn't motivated to do the sort of things that typical teens enjoy. He doesn't hang out with mates so won't arrange to see friends or have them to visit here, and it's difficult to force that at his age.

I find ds responds better to structured activities so he'll go to drama, science and martial arts groups and that's where he does his socialising. Maybe this would be more suitable for your son?

You're right to note that you can't force someone who's bigger than you, but it's wise to try changing his habits and attitude now if you want to prevent him becoming home-bound as he gets older.

streakybacon Tue 08-Apr-14 17:37:44

Another thought...

Ds LOVES being independent and going out to things by himself. Maybe that might prompt your son to have more interest in activities? Could you build that up as something that he's not allowed to do yet as he's too young, and inspire him to want it (forbidden fruit?) and push a few boundaries? He might think he's getting something he's not allowed, but really you're winning wink. Obviously at ten it's not for now, but something to work towards.

PolterGoose Tue 08-Apr-14 20:50:09

Mine won't do organised activities at all, he's nearly 11 and Y6 too, he has no interest in joining in at all. However, most school holidays and half term breaks we have his lovely friend over for the day and on ds's birthday we take them out for the day. This seems to be enough for ds.

rara67 Wed 09-Apr-14 12:59:34

Thanks - I will get back to you all. Cant stop now, we managed to get out of the house for an hour to collect something that DS2 wanted and also popped into Tesco and both boys chose something for lunch (have suggested to DS1 that we/he could do this as village only 10 mins walk away). Lady on deli counter backed me up when DS1 was rude and suggested he carried the basket (which her did!) Just doing lunch then off to Easter egg hunt. Looking forward to reading your replies in more detail tomorrow - some great ideas/thoughts!

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