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Goose and Carrot 7th March 2014

(547 Posts)
SallyBear Fri 07-Mar-14 18:00:08

Evening all!!
Lovely sunny day, has raised my spirits. I'm looking forward to the weekend. DS4 is out with his carer; cinema and then he's going swimming. The school have kindly opened up the hydrotherapy pool for him tomorrow.
I had my first proper chat about the new Governor role. They are going to send me on an induction course. Lots to read re. Policies and previous minutes.

claw2 Fri 14-Mar-14 21:13:20

Cheers Star x

StarlightMcKingsThree Fri 14-Mar-14 19:49:56
HugAndRoll Fri 14-Mar-14 19:12:35

Hi somewhat, this week's thread is here.

How old is your ds? Are there other areas of his development you are concerned about?

claw2 Fri 14-Mar-14 19:12:29

Star remind me where is Basiton House?

SomewhatSilly Fri 14-Mar-14 19:10:35

Whoops! Thanks for pointing me at the right one smile

moosemama Fri 14-Mar-14 19:09:06

Hi Somewhat. It's so hard reading the results of assessments. I remember feeling the same when we were going through it with ds1. flowers

This is last week's Goose and Carrot thread. I think, after ending up with two this evening, we are all congregating here this evening.

claw2 Fri 14-Mar-14 19:07:45

Oh i told ds that a) he isn't trouble b) he isn't going back until the adults have sorted this out.

He told me 'mum this is the first time I have EVER stood up for myself EVER. I am fed up of people bullying me'

'They promised me I could phone you at lunch time, you know how to make me feel better. Then they said I couldnt'

SomewhatSilly Fri 14-Mar-14 19:02:27

Hello, can I join? Been more of a lurker to date but I could do with some understanding this evening. We had our independent SLT report on DS back, and it couldn't be more obvious what she thinks the issue is if she had written ASD all over it.

I was particularly gutted by his receptive language assessment which puts him on the 4th centile. sad

youarewinning Fri 14-Mar-14 18:57:42

Oh claw I'm so sorry it's come to this - the TA behaviour today is shocking at the very least. I also agree with everything that's been said - so I won't repeat it again.

zzzzz Fri 14-Mar-14 18:54:33

As for if it is "we can no longer meet his needs", my gut feeling is yes, that's what they're discussing. The real question is "Do you feel they can meet his needs?"

You can't come up with a game plan unless you know what you think is a good idea. We will all help you think through how to get what you want, but what you want for him, only you can see.


moosemama Fri 14-Mar-14 18:54:27

I agree with zzzzz.

It made a massive difference to ds when I told him to just forget about school, because dh and I were dealing with it and he wouldn't be going back until we'd got it properly sorted. You could actually see/feel him letting go over the next day or so.

zzzzz Fri 14-Mar-14 18:49:36

I'm actually far more interested in what your boy takes away from all this.

If the cat isn't already out of the bag, I think I would present it as you are not going to let him go in on Monday until you have sorted everything out at school.

This will make him feel the strength of your support and demonstrate that the ultimate control in his life is you (who he trusts) not TA or HT.

It also removes the focus from the stabbing threats, which is important because while outward anger is better than internalised self loathing, it is dangerous for him to feel threatening violence in his way is his trump card.

I think you should make this clear to the HT.

StarlightMcKingsThree Fri 14-Mar-14 18:43:57

Claw Is it time for a look at Baston House?

homework Fri 14-Mar-14 18:43:25

Claw , so sorry it's come to this , what year is your son in . What's the other schools in your area like , would a mainstream school be totally out the question , as sounds like he's clever enough but his social , organisational and anxiety issues are his biggest worries.
Or as others have suggested could you home educate . Know this might not be able with other family circumstances.

moosemama Fri 14-Mar-14 18:41:05

I'm not saying they're not considering it, by the way, just saying don't throw in the towel just yet. I thought we were headed that way with ds1's school, but things didn't go that way at all.

moosemama Fri 14-Mar-14 18:39:06

It might not be claw. It could be that his comments were the kick up the arse they needed to realise how serious the situation is and made the HT finally decide to review his support to see if it's suitable - which we know it isn't.

Our school seems to find it quite hard to get rid of pupils who are statemented, I assume this is something to do with the contract they sign with the LA when they take the pupils on. Yours might be the same.

Hold fire and see what they have to say. Even if they say they can't meet need they should explore what provision could be made so that they can and they can go back to the LA to fund that if necessary. It may turn out that ds ends up with 1:1 support, with a different TA, as a result of this - if not, they may finally start listening to you and implement your suggested plan.

I would email back and tell them that if they are considering what went wrong and why, you would like to give them your input and perspective and for that reason would like to meet with the HT first thing on Monday morning. Point out that words and actions are two very different things and shouting something in anger at someone is very different than actually acting in anger towards them - which is something your ds has never done. If they agree to meet you - and they should - then you need to make sure they understand that it was harsh handling by the TA that caused ds to reach the level of distress that led to his comments and regardless of whether or not they think the TA was too harsh generally, her way of handling things was inappropriate for your ds and they need to try it your way.

PolterGoose Fri 14-Mar-14 18:29:31

It sounds like a we can no longer meet his needs email doesn't it

claw that was my feeling too but I didn't want to say it, it looks like they're laying the groundwork.

I too think it's good he's externalising his anxiety, hard as my ds's violence is, it does mean he isn't blaming himself for things being wrong, we've had occasional episodes of self-harm and he's talked about suicide periodically over the years, but in the main it's all directed outwards. It is easier to deal with.

HugAndRoll Fri 14-Mar-14 18:23:48

Really?! That is just shit. Sorry, useless links then although NAS say they can advise re: indie schools. I don't understand independent schools sorry.

claw2 Fri 14-Mar-14 18:23:30

It sounds like a we can no longer meet his needs email doesn't it zzzz.

Im relieved in a way that he has been asked NOT to go in. I have been telling them for weeks that he just isn't coping. This should also give CAMHS the kick up the arse they need and the LA to get his bloody statement and provision right.

I am glad that ds is no longer internalising and quietly self harm and externalising and expressing his anger. People have to listen and do something about it.

All that I am aware of in the area is special schools for children with challenging behaviour.

I will have to start looking.

HugAndRoll Fri 14-Mar-14 18:21:51
PolterGoose Fri 14-Mar-14 18:18:55

Hug it's an independent school and bottom line is they can do what they like.

PolterGoose Fri 14-Mar-14 18:18:10

Fucking hell angry

Am speechless

zzzzz Fri 14-Mar-14 18:17:34

Tell me if he doesn't continue where he is, what other options are there and are any of them workable?

HugAndRoll Fri 14-Mar-14 18:16:49
claw2 Fri 14-Mar-14 18:11:55

Email from HT

"In the light of these comments, it is very important that we consider how best to support ds with these increased worries. As I am sure you will appreciate we also have a duty of care to the other pupils and it is important that we take the time to risk assess the situation to ensure everyone’s safety and wellbeing. It is for this reason that I am asking you to keep ds at home on Monday please. This will allow me time to meet with key staff on Monday morning to put together a plan for how best to support both ds and others in his class. I appreciate that this may not be easy, but it is important that we have the time to consider how best to move forward in the light of these very worrying comments"

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