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Time to tell DS he has aspergers

(10 Posts)
mckenzie Tue 04-Mar-14 16:20:35

DS was diagnosed with dyspraxia first, about 3 years ago now. We told him immediately, it was discussed openly. Since then he has been formerly diagnosed with ASpergers. We have not mentioned this to DS as we dude want to overload him but after a chat with the SENCO today at his school, we are thinking that we should now tell him.
DS is 12. Does anyone have any experience of telling a child of this age that they would share please? DS is in a really good place right niece it's school and friendships send I find want this to have any negative impact if possible.
TIA

moosemama Tue 04-Mar-14 18:16:30

Hi

My ds is 11 and as Aspergers. We told him about a year after he was diagnosed, so he would have been about 9 1/2.

We bought him The Survival Guide for Kids With Autism Spectrum Disorders and read it together. He found bits of it really relevant and others not so much and that was a great way of us discussing how people who have AS are all different and have different strengths and weaknesses, it's just that they tend to have a common group of difficulties around social skills, communication etc. The wording in the book is very child friendly so that really helps.

Ds loves science and computers and we explained it as him just being wired a little differently than many people and that that isn't wrong, it's just a different way of experiencing and interacting with the world.

He has never seen his AS or his diagnosis as a negative thing. In fact he was relieved to finally know why he struggled with the things he did, when none of the other pupils in his class seemed to have the same problems.

We left it up to him who he did and didn't want to tell and for the most part that's been close family (grandparents etc) and his best friend.

He's now at a school where there are quite a few boys that have AS and many of them discuss it quite openly, whereas others choose to keep it to themselves.

We also found the book Appreciating Asperger Syndrome really useful for helping us put a positive slant on our discussions.

mckenzie Tue 04-Mar-14 21:42:23

Thank you so much moosemama. I shall look at both books. I found out today that there are 6 boys in DS's year at school with ASpergers so perhaps he will, in time, seek them out and chat with them.

LostInWales Tue 04-Mar-14 21:49:33

I second what moose has to say, we have told DS1 he is wired a little differently, this is why he gets annoyed with things that aren't perfectly accurate on the weather forecast. I also showed him an article about how employers are crying out for people like him at the moment. I'll come back in the morning but what moose said covers it for now grin. (I've just ordered that book btw, looks perfect, all my boys are wired a little differently as are DH and I even though DS1 has the only formal diagnosis wink)

How American is the first book Moose? And what age range would you suggest it for?

moosemama Tue 04-Mar-14 22:43:38

It does have an American slant, but I wouldn't say it's enough to be an issue.

It's difficult to say what age range, because they're all so different in terms of developmental stage, iyswim.

I don't think ds1 would have been ready for it before y4, as he was still very 'young' at that point, perhaps akin to a y1 to y2 child emotionally. He was able to read and discuss it sensibly part way through y5, so I'd say probably 9 and up as a rough guide, although younger dcs would probably be fine with it if you did the reading and lead the discussion. In our case ds1 read and digested it and came to us with any specific questions. Then we went through it chapter by chapter together and had a proper discussion about each topic.

It's very easy to read and a friendly book, if that makes any sense?

Edendance Sat 08-Mar-14 13:12:00
sami1985 Sun 09-Mar-14 20:37:30

thanks moosemama, found that book on eBay for £8! smile

ItHasToBeLoo Tue 11-Mar-14 17:49:01

Was going to suggest Freaks, Geeks, etc. grin It's excellently written and I'd imagine particularly useful for a teenage boy to read himself.

woodrunner Tue 11-Mar-14 18:26:43

No but could have written your post OP, except the dyspraxia was picked up later. Dreading telling him. His early years were plagued with hospital visits as he was born with so many problems. He hates diagnosis, hospitals, anything that makes him feel different from others. Been feeling sick all day as the quantity of assessments increases. He's not stupid and he'll soon know. Same age as your DS too.

SENCO recommended some books but tbh I wish at least some of them didn't have ASD plastered all over the titles. He probably won't open a book labelled for ASD teens, whereas if it was just about being a teen, he might.

Sorry, don't mean to hijack your thread but was coming on to post exactly same thing and am feeling quite down about it all.

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