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D2 is being utterly foul. any ideas what to do?

(17 Posts)
AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 19:16:57

She's massively stressed about impending exams and stuff but I am completely fed up with being sworn at, insulted, throwing strops, selfish, rude, nasty behaviour.

We've spent 16 sodding years skirting around her but she is so bloody touchy at the moment our usual careful breathing around her isn't making any difference.

I don't like her very much at the moment.

AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 19:26:34


I put up with her snappy, spitefulness until she goes too far, then I snap back and then she goes off to sulk in her room for hours again.

For example yesterday we went shopping, all fine until we get home, she then strops about something, calls me names, then sulks in her room. this afternoon I objected to her calling me a stupid fat cunt, so she's now sulking in her room.

And I'm torn because I know she is sad and anxious, but I hate her for being so mean. And it is so hard to separate anxious, autistic behaviour and foul, stroppy teenagerness.

signandsingcarols Sun 02-Mar-14 20:41:46

no useful advice, ( as you know ds is nowhere near that age range), just wanted to say I hear you, and that sounds really tough.. sad

AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 20:43:46

Doesn't help that I am tired, hormonal and in serious need of 2 weeks lying on a beach.....alone......

joycei Sun 02-Mar-14 20:48:36

Horrible behaviour to deal with and certainly not the ususal teenage angst!!

Yes she no doubt is stressed but it does sound as though she is having huge problems regulating her emotions. I know you've mentioned ASD - is there a particular reason for thinking that? Our daughter was dx with ADHD, aged 17, but never agreed to the treatment. At 28 she's still highly volatile and has enormous problems regulating her emotions, Fortunately, or unfortunately, she doesn't live with us so we don't have to experience the extremes in her moods. However, she is still struggling and has only had very short term periods of work with the resulting debt (impulsive buying) which goes along with it.

Unfortunately lots of children with ADHD never had their condition recognised in childhood, particularly if they didn't display behaviour problems in school. Is there any chance your daughter would agree to a referral to Camhs - focussing on her stress but hopefully being given a full assessment by a psych who has the skill to recognise ADHD?

We walked on eggshells for years without knowing there was a name fo her difficulties!!

AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 20:57:51

She has a diagnosis of aspergers. Is having 1:1 sessions with camhs since january. Hopefully they'll help a bit. She's quite keen to go so far.

PolterGoose Sun 02-Mar-14 21:16:55

AYC I get similar with ds, I make myself let it brush over me, it's not easy and I don't always succeed, but I know it's part of his Aspergers and it's the only way he can express how he feels. It has been much more effective ignoring it at the time but addressing it when he's receptive. Did you ever read 'The Explosive Child'?

PolterGoose Sun 02-Mar-14 21:19:06

And I'm not saying it's easy, it really isn't, but I can now deal with a meltdown relatively unscathed.

AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 21:23:06

I can mostly ignore but sometimes it is just a bit much. Also D1 has exams, assessments and stuff too and it just isn't fair that she has all this shit too.

PolterGoose Sun 02-Mar-14 21:48:55

Of course, perhaps you could look at a contingency for dd1? Is there somewhere she can go to study in peace some of the time maybe?

AtYourCervix Sun 02-Mar-14 21:51:23

She's ok really (bless her calm little soul). It's just when things get a bit much we all feel it.

Tomorrow is another day.....

And D2 has lots going on with lots of input all over the place. Counting down the days until school is over and done.

PolterGoose Sun 02-Mar-14 22:09:34

Glad she's getting some input at last, so hope it's successful for her flowers

It's just really shitty sometimes sad

AtYourCervix Mon 03-Mar-14 18:07:08

And again!


PolterGoose Mon 03-Mar-14 18:37:01


stillstandingatthebusstop Mon 03-Mar-14 20:16:58

We are having a few issues with DS2 (diabetic) !! The exam stress is mounting and his blood sugars are erratic and his behaviour is erratic, volatile even - I feel sorry for him whilst wanting to strangle him!!

I'm blaming Gove - when Ds1 did his GCSE's they had lots of exams spread out over the 2 years. It wasn't easy at all as he was always studying for something, but the pressure was spread out so it wasn't as difficult for him as this feels, with everything resting on exams in May/June.

AtYourCervix Mon 03-Mar-14 20:25:52

Yes. The modules would have suited her better.

She is being impossible.

stillstandingatthebusstop Mon 03-Mar-14 20:43:01

I was thinking about a strategy I could suggest but the only thing I can come up with is hiding in the utility room with the radio and a cup of tea.

Not that I ever do that myself. grin

I think the modular system was better. I think they learnt more, in that they had a few goes at revising and sitting exams (and I don't mean resits) and they learnt how to do it and the strategies that worked for them (and didn't work for them). I think they came out of it with better understanding of the process of studying. Bloody Gove!

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