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School phoned ss re Ds' special interest

(29 Posts)
DiamondDoris Tue 18-Feb-14 16:46:34

Brief - DS (7) currently undiagnosed suspected asd (mainly me - that's another story) is interested in and only in film classifcations/ratings. He's not interested in films/tv shows' content only the classification. I'm a lone parent and do not encourage him in this interest but neither do I deter him as this would probably cause anxiety but I do not allow him to watch age inappropriate tv shows/films or do I allow him to watch trailers. Unfortunately he does watch trailers and goes on Amazon at his DF's house. Because this topic/interest is really important and interesting to him he'll talk non-stop about it at school to both teaching staff but more worryingly the other children (NT). I have explained all this to the staff many times, verbally and in writing plus also warning exH not to feed DS' interest. Fallen on deaf ears. The major problem is that the head ignores the fact that my DS is different and has SEN and that somehow my parenting is to blame. The head has called ss and I'm on edge - I don't know when they are going to show up and how I explain all this for the hundredth time. Any advice anyone?

hercules1 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:52:36

How does he at 7 have access to trailers? If only at his father's house then surely you need to tell ds that as no. 7 year old should have free access yo the web.

youarewinning Tue 18-Feb-14 17:10:37

I agree tell SS the access to trailers is not at your house.

However, hard as you may believe this right now, SS could be of help. If you are pushing for assessment, dx etc and your ds difficulties are being ignored not being recognised SS can help you get the support you need.

DiamondDoris Tue 18-Feb-14 17:12:33

His father lets him use the computer, I don't think ex-h is monitoring him and I've told him so many times to not allow DS on the web unattended - it falls on deaf ears - perhaps I should just point SS in his (ex-h) direction. Ex-h is probably on the spectrum himself and thinks there's no harm, I think he thinks it's educational. We're talking things like Monty Python and so on. Stuff a typical 7 year old wouldn't be interested in. I feel powerless, angry at the school and ex-h.

bochead Tue 18-Feb-14 17:12:40

So put it in writing to the HT that SS need to talk to his father. Don't see why you should take all the heat.

Also go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental pead for an ASD assessment. Put the request in writing and keep a copy to show SS if needed.

hercules1 Tue 18-Feb-14 17:14:43

Have the school spoken to you prior to reporting? What is it he's saying? Surely references to Monty Python wouldn't be concerning?

MothratheMighty Tue 18-Feb-14 17:15:03

So is one of the problems that he is describing what makes a film a 15 or an 18, giving specific details?
Or is he compiling lists of films, sorted into categories?
What, specifically is the behaviour that the school is worried about that has made them contact ss? What have they said previously to you, and how did you respond?
Without a dx, you are unlikely to get support from the school, as there will be many other children exhibiting similar behaviour for different reasons, so are you pursuing one?

DiamondDoris Tue 18-Feb-14 17:19:27

The SS may come here before DC return to school. I have told the head and the Senco in person, many times that it's my ex-h and to take it up with him. They have not.

Re diagnosis, the community paediatrician says wait and see, it might just be social immaturity - she's been saying this for almost 3 years! I am currently investigating private or out of county diagnoses for DS. I have spoken to GP and she might be able to send us to Great Ormond Street.

DiamondDoris Tue 18-Feb-14 17:24:27

I'm not completely sure what he says to the other children but sometimes talks about ghosts in the house and how he's scared and blood. He talks to the children about film certificates and talks to them as though he has watched these movies (he hasn't bar Dirty Dancing) - he talks about that film too (he saw that at ex-h's house NOT HAPPY). The fascination is kind of like collecting but in his head. He draws pictures of films along with the certificates - he has a very good memory. I must add that he's into sizes of clothes too. He has no theory of mind (tested) and doesn't realise other people aren't interested he also can't separate fact from fiction (documented) so will also be a problem.

OneInEight Tue 18-Feb-14 17:27:30

In all honesty I don't think ss are going to be terribly interested - they happily ignored most of the referrals school made for us & it was only when other services referred that they got in contact. I am sure the HT thought we allowed our two to watch a lot of violent movies or play violent computer games based on their language and behaviour but they definitely did not. The irony was that they were doing the second world war t school as their theme topic at the time. If they do call just explain what you have said here & perhaps ask for their help in getting a diagnosis if that is what you want. If it makes you feel better I had very hard work to persuade ds1 that it was not appropriate to do his special interest assembly on murderers.

DiamondDoris Tue 18-Feb-14 17:33:33

OneInEight you've cheered me up.

MothratheMighty Tue 18-Feb-14 17:36:10

'I had very hard work to persuade ds1 that it was not appropriate to do his special interest assembly on murderers.'

grin Oh yes. And the concentrating and bewildered expression as they try and understand your point and really don't.

PolterGoose Wed 19-Feb-14 11:47:11

One grin similar with ds and his now gone special interest in reproductive behaviours of various creatures including humans ("humans are animals too Polter" said ds)

Doris I don't think you need to worry either, and my ds has been watching Monty Python for yonks blush

I have a very similar son!! He is obsessed with film listings, statistics and classifications, and will monologue any adult or child at great length at eveyr opportunity.
The only difference is that as he has a dx (ASD) no one has ever bothered us about it... they accept that he is just spouting wikipedia info.

I really really wouldn't worry if SS turn up. I'd be surprised if they do, but should that happen,take the opportunity to push for a needs assessment for them if you think it would be helpful. ANd push push for as assessment with a paed.. go to the GP and refuse to budge til he/she refers. A diagnosis would help people to accept his quirks and might force the school to be supportive rather than accusatory.

claw2 Wed 19-Feb-14 12:45:00

What are you being accused of exactly? If school have made an allegation about you, you are perfectly entitled to know what that accusation is, so that you may reply to it and nip it in the bud.

ouryve Wed 19-Feb-14 15:06:00

I'm thinking that maybe DS1's obsession with coins, including how to spot a fake, isn't so bad after all.

I do feel for you. Between the ages of 3 and about 7, DS2 was obsessed with mammalian reproduction. Some friends visited with their daughter and he gave her a picture he'd drawn of one of her ova. blush His favourite topic for imaginative writing was 'A Day in the Life of a Sperm'.

troutsprout Wed 19-Feb-14 16:42:58

Pmsl @ picture of an ova grin

youarewinning Wed 19-Feb-14 21:31:12

Am crying at 'the day in the life of a sperm' grin

Marylou2 Thu 20-Feb-14 12:43:15

Hi OP.Sorry this is happening. My DD and her friend 7&8 are obsessed by this.If they want to watch a film I have to scroll through all the family movies on SKY checking the classifications to find U/PG but they are riveted but the 12/15 and always remember each one the next time they see it on the planner. I think it might just be a general kid thing.

DiamondDoris Thu 20-Feb-14 18:19:03

Hi again. The HT thinks (and I can't bring myself to read that damn letter again) that we (myself and ex-h) are allowing DS to watch adult-content films and this is affecting his education and emotional well-being. Actually, he's not motivated at school as they are expecting him to be NT and be interested in what they are teaching him (my fault again - they've blamed me for his lack of motivation). Diagnosis or not, he really does not seem to be NT - no theory of mind, obsessions, all encompassing interest(s), no social skills and so on. I am sick with worry. The DC are back at school on Monday. I think I should see the HT asap... I might shout.

youarewinning Thu 20-Feb-14 21:11:35

Right now I suspect you feel like your drowning? And that getting to the top for air is not going to happen?

Take a deep breath - read the letter in sections and make notes with regard to each section. Eg ds does not watch films classified above a PG. State about ds obsession. Re emotional wheel being note down how you discuss the film classifications with ds etc. find information on asd/as. Make notes on each of the 'triad of impairments' and where you see these behaviours in your ds and site examples.

My is also only motivated by his interests. I was able to show this because ds attitude in maths is so different to English! We have however -!with his new and fab senco-!managed to get him interested. We did this by using his interests and obsessions to introduce topics and motivate him.
You made me to spell out to the school what will work and quote bits from their own sen policy to support you and back you up.

People still think my ds is nt - they don't see him anxious, spinning and flapping. They think because he talks he's fine - until they ask him a question!

It shouldn't be this way as people should listen to parents and listen to their concerns.

I do think you may be right that you need to change schools. I regret not moving ds in infants and putting him through years of difficulties with a school who didn't want to listen or help.

claw2 Fri 21-Feb-14 12:01:51

I would reply to the HT letter in writing, rather than verbally.

Spell out that you or your ex do NOT allow your ds to watch adult films, spell out his obsessions and behaviour and the action you have taken ie you have asked for referral to paed to investigate his behaviours and whatever other referrals you have asked for. Whatever you have asked school for support with x,y,z and nothing has been forthcoming. Spell out that it is lack of support or understanding on school part which is affecting his education and emotional well-being. Tell them you would be happy to discuss their accusations with a social worker.

TheLightPassenger Fri 21-Feb-14 14:40:08

I also dont imagine ss will be terribly interested. Teachers at my ds primary school are aware that some of the children play 18 rated games like CoD. Whilst not exactly thrilled, they have never suggested that on its own it would be an ss matter.

DiamondDoris Fri 21-Feb-14 15:25:51

Thanks for the replies. I feel they are trying to make too many connections and are coming up with totally false assumptions. I also feel that they do not know who to deal with my son so the easy option is to blame parenting. The connections they are trying to make are: a) My DS is tired at school so he must be staying up late WRONG! He has trouble falling asleep and is lively in the evening; he also wakes up early. Also, he is never tired during the day at home. Problems with circadian rhythms and lack of motivation or boredom seem to be the problem here. So, so far we have the false assumptions of a) staying up late and b) watching adult-content films. Then there is the weight problem: school's assumption is that I'm not feeding him properly and that he's on a wacko diet. In reality he is small for his age and has dairy intolerance. He also has problems with gluten - these have been removed from his diet and the gluten is being gradually reintroduced - I'm following the NHS dietician's instructions. She also says he's probably burning calories too quickly as he is very hyperactive. So, we now have false assumption of: staying up late to watch adult-content movies and not being fed properly. I am trying to address his sleep problem; I have made another appointment with the GP about this. I suppose I'm typing all this here to get the facts down and gather my thoughts. I shall try and write a letter to the HT but my fear is that he won't listen - I think I'd sooner speak to him first thing on Monday. I've tried calling the National Austistic Society but I can't get through sad. This high achieving "perfect" school just isn't right for my DS, I don't believe they care much for the few SN children at that school.

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