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DD (7) is really starting to 'stand out'. Would a diagnosis really help?..

(28 Posts)
blackandwhiteswan Tue 14-Jan-14 11:06:42

Hello smile

My DD first started showing signs of being a bit different when she was about 2- 2/1/2. Her vocabulary was a tad behind, but not so much that it concerned me. It was always her social skills which were a problem.

When she was 3, she started pre school and really struggled. She was having major tantrums and didn't always get authority. At home, the tantrums were horrendous. I was being hit, bitten, scratched, spat at sometimes and this was on a daily basis. One of the women in charge at her pre school would raise her concerns on a regular basis, not about her bad behaviour, but her lack of social skills. I took her to my gp who instantly dismissed her issues as being immaturity and that she just needed time etc. I still believed her speech wasn't where it should be and so I was referred to a SALT, but was discharged after the first meeting as they didn't believe she reached the criteria and was actually doing just fine with her speech and was where she should be, if not a little ahead. This completely through me and actually, things did get much better at pre school and so, we just plodded on and were at the 'wait and see stage'. When she started school, she struggled again and the TA and I would often liaise at the end of the day. It would usually be that she's has a tantrum or 2. However, very quickly she settled in and academically really caught up. Her social skills did improve slightly I would say, but I still thought she stood out and was still struggling to make and more importantly, keep friends.

Skip forward a couple of years and things have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I have had several meeting with her teachers, on my request and they have all told me that yes, emotionally she's immature, but she interacts appropriately and academically she's doing well. So why am I still worrying?......I'll give you a list of my concerns.

She still has tantrums, sometimes physical
She has yet to make and keep a friend
She will jump about and spin a lot
She zones out sometimes
She notices tiny details
She gets her sentences muddled up
Unusual use of language
Gets frustrated and tearful when she struggles to get words out
Overly friendly
Can get lost in her fantasy world and can play with a tiny figurine for hours
Very emotional: Anger, happiness, frustration, sadness, all heightened.

I should stress, that all this isn't constant. She can go through weeks at a time when she's so much more chilled and just generally more mature.

My family keep trying to reassure me by saying she's just quirky, this is who she is etc, but now she's 7, I think she's really starting to stand out as really quite different from her peers.

The question is, what would a diagnosis of, more than likely HFA/Asperger's, do for her? She's not struggling in school academically. She's not disruptive. She's able to learn. If she does get upset at school, she can calm herself down.

I am not with her dad anymore, but am considering having a talk about whether or not we should push for a referral.

Would really appreciate your thoughts, experiences etc.

Thank you for reading

Handywoman Fri 17-Jan-14 17:52:26

your poor dd, hope she is a bit brighter now thanks

mombie Thu 23-Jan-14 06:49:06

Handy you sound like me a few years ago. I was going round and round in circles with whether or not to go for a referral. I had a whole list of things for Ds 1. On their own nothing seemed serious enough but together, it can be overwhelming. Everybody said he was quirky or eccentric and that there was nothing wrong with him. Makes you feel like shit for even suggesting that there may be an issue with your child. You have to remind yourself that you are not picking fault with your child or suggesting there is something wrong, only trying your best to support him. Even after a diagnosis, some people still can't grasp it. In simplest terms I explain that there is nothing wrong with DS, only he has 'glitches' like the little girl in Wreck it Ralph. that seems to do the job. Lol.

In the end I asked the school Senco to observe DS in the playground and classroom she felt that there was a need for referral, contrary to what his teacher thought. ds was diagnosed with HFA a few months back, and it has been the right thing for us. mainly so I know what how to deal with him and so that his teachers can understand him better. He gets a lot more support from the school now and doesn't have to dea with the 'pull your socks up and get on with it' brigade, who,we're causing him so much stress.

DH and I were talking about it yesterday night and how all of his quirks were seen so negatively before but not anymore. How letting him be instead of trying to control the glitches has made him so much happier. In short get a referral, if only to understand your DD better. good luck x

mombie Thu 23-Jan-14 06:50:24

Sorry I meant that post for Op but directed it at Handy. Lots of love to you both though ! Xx

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