Threads in this topic are removed from the site 90 days after the thread was started. Our SN area is not a substitute for expert advice. Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

A whole new world of ignorance is opening up to me

(9 Posts)
IcouldstillbeJoseph Mon 04-Nov-13 19:05:49

I know my problems are nothing compared to most on here - so my mind boggles as to what others have to contend with.

DD is 9mo and is developmentally delayed in all areas after a very difficult preg/delivery.
Awaiting further investigation/MRI etc.

Anyway, saw some 'friends' at weekend. The conversation went like this:

Friend: "so what's the story with miniicould"
Me: "yeah, just a wait and see thing at the moment, a lot of unknowns, more tests needed"
Friend: "there was a girl at our school who was put back a few years cos she was, like, you know, <taps side of forehead with finger> really slow - is she gonna be like that then?"

I didn't know what to say so I changed the subject to what her DD would like for Christmas. Then she says "what about your DD?"
I replied clothes was probably a safe bet as still got lots of DS's toys.
Friend: "do you want me to just wrap them in one big box rather than making her struggle with lots of little things if she is struggling with her hands?"

Oh god, that sounds like I'm being harsh doesn't it and they are probably just being well-meaning but what fucking 10 month old wouldn't struggle to unwrap presents anyway - regardless of development issues. I'm just feeling super sensitive I guess and over protective of DD

Apologies if I sound like the world's biggest bitch sad

PolterGoose Mon 04-Nov-13 19:15:10

No, you really don't sound like a bitch. Silly woman. Only you can decide how tolerant your ignorant-fucker-o-meter is.

Sorry you had to hear that and, truthfully, it probably won't be the last or the worst, but you'll work out some responses and you can always practise on here wink

SallyBear Mon 04-Nov-13 19:16:02

Have to laugh at the opening presents bit. I don't think my kids really knew about unwrapping at 2 let alone 9 mos old!

Silly woman.. ALL of my kids at that age..and a lot older.. just ate the wrapping paper grin
Actually I lie DS2 couldn't sit up and still had a very wobbly head at 9 months.. couldn't even hold the wrapping paper to eat it!

As to the other comment.. ugh.. I'm afraid you do end up hearing the most insensitive stuff. It is never nice, however given enough time you may develop some snappy replies.. (though sometimes 'oh do fuck off'! is equally appropriate grin)

Handywoman Mon 04-Nov-13 20:19:29

Oh blimey. I could kind of understand if she had had no children <facepalm>

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Mon 04-Nov-13 20:23:12

What's she like normally? Is she worth cutting some slack?

I only ask because I think some otherwise good people panic in the face of disability / special needs and out of a fear of not knowing the right thing to say can maybe say something awful which they never intended to say. If that makes sense!

I know that pre bluechick I may not have used the right terminology (not that I had much experience of these issues at all) in certain situations. Also a couple of lovely family members and one lovely but socially awkward friend have used words and phrases which made me wince but I know they meant nothing by it. More a case of not speaking the SN language!

If you're good enough friends to buy each other's DC Christmas presents then she can't be that bad. Maybe just educate her - say "we don't say 'slow', we say 'developmentally delayed'. It's less negative" - or something like that.

Having said all that, if she really is an ignorant fucker then ditch her!

Firsttimer7259 Tue 05-Nov-13 08:51:36

Try a bit of educating but keep in mind that she Mau well be someone to ditch. The sn crappy people filter is phenomenal at sorting put the dross folks in your life. Three strikes you're out, next please

IcouldstillbeJoseph Tue 05-Nov-13 15:14:05

To be honest we wouldn't be friends if it wasn't for the fact she lives next door and her DD is only 2 days younger than my DS so we inevitably saw a fair bit of each other on mat leave (small cul-de-sac etc).
They're moving out soon so I'm hoping a little distance may 'dull' the friendship somewhat

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Tue 05-Nov-13 16:17:55

Ok, in that case ditch her! That's a next door neighbour, not a life long friend!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now