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Please help - dd just punched me hard in the face

(4 Posts)
moldingsunbeams Mon 04-Nov-13 18:20:22

She has dyspraxia, processing disorder, receptive language disorder diagnoses and probable AS too (awaiting appointment already got "autistic tendancies")

School pushed and pushed her to go on the residential and she caved, now its getting closer she is panicking, she wants to go but is worried about the dark as lights have to be off in the room, toileting and the activities.

Shes been getting more and more shouty all week and tonight she just wacked me as hard as she could, shes not sorry, shes cried because she has been told off but thats it.

I have sent her to her bedroom but I could cry.

PolterGoose Argentina Mon 04-Nov-13 19:01:35

(((hugs))) and brew and cake

When ds hurts me I tend to act up my pain as he really struggles to understand someone can be hurt when he can't see it, he just doesn't believe me unless I am sobbing, screaming in pain or pouring blood, so I do ham it up to provoke a genuine response. But we move on quickly, whilst we do lots of work on reducing anxiety, anger and aggression I am very aware that meltdowns are an extreme anxiety/panic attack and he doesn't mean to hurt me (even though he'll say he does I don't believe him).

When she's calm and you're feeling okay too, sit down and work through her worries, you could agree to address one a day (I found Dawn Huebner's 'What to do when you worry too much' worked really well with my anxious angry ds). Then together look for solutions, try not to give her solutions but try to encourage her to think what might help. If you think she's not ready (my 10yo ds has AS and SPD and is nowhere close to ready for a residential) suggest she doesn't go for the whole time, or she goes for the days and then sleeps at home, or whatever. I'm going to use the time when ds's year group do a residential to do the London museums.

My very favourite book is 'The Explosive Child' I think you might find it helpful. There's a summary of the author's approach here

When ds is really anxious I find that keeping him well fed, lots of snacks, keeping life simple and predictable and with minimal demands, helps a lot.

moldingsunbeams Mon 04-Nov-13 19:14:52

Thanks Polter.

I have ordered the explosive child book, I have bought aspergirl too from a recommendation on here and finding it useful. Will have a look for the other one too. I told her she could take a torch or such if it made her feel better, we have talked about the other issues too. I know there is a call button in the room for if she needs a member of staff. She wants to go and she wants to sleep overnight but she cannot cope with the emotion and anxiety it causes.

Its just none stop at the moment, we just seem to be head to head the whole time not helped by me being quite unwell also. I could cope before but with the introduction of hormones into the mix I feel like I am on a battle ground.

Nothing I do is good enough, shes rude, she speaks to me like dirt. I know the reasons why (some times she is just being a pita!) but mostly it is anxiety but I am really struggling at the moment with her.

PolterGoose Argentina Mon 04-Nov-13 19:28:59

I do understand, I think I've learned that I have to let some of it wash over me, otherwise I'd be a frazzled mess. Try to ignore the rudeness and how she speaks to you, don't take it personally, my tolerance is always higher when ds is most anxious but when he's on an even keel I do challenge him and work to address it. I also accept that he has to have an outlet for his emotional stuff and I can choose to ignore. He has to live in his head all the time, I know his life is harder than a child's should be so I do cut him a lot of slack. Interestingly he is improving with this laissez faire approach grin

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